The Bite That Binds

CHAPTER SIX

(Sam)

Looking at myself in my oval mirror a few hours later, I groaned in exasperation. When Fletcher had knocked on the door and thrust a shopping bag at me, I’d known what would be inside, and I’d known it would be revealing. Of course if Fletcher was here, he would have disagreed; he would have said that the blood-red satin dress was ‘flattering’ and ‘skin tight’. In reality, it was revealing.

Wearing a crooked smile, Jared came up behind me and curled his arms around my waist. “As much as I love this dress on you, it’s making me want to take it off and have my way with you.”

“I fully plan to take it off, it’s too revealing.”

He frowned. “No, leave it on. It’s not revealing, it’s flattering.”

I groaned again. Now Fletcher’s little phrases were rubbing off on Jared. Wasn’t that special.

He just chuckled. “Cheer up, baby. We’re about to go on a dinner cruise as part of the celebrations for our Binding.”

“I know. But I can’t help feeling guilty for enjoying myself when that organisation is still up and running.” Jude hadn’t taken it well when I told her that we wouldn’t be calling the Deliverer. We didn’t want to do anything that would be considered out of the ordinary for Leon, and he’d said that she contacted him. So we needed to wait for the Deliverer to get in touch before we could make our next move, but naturally Jude’s patience for vengeance was running low. I couldn’t blame her for that.

Jared nuzzled my neck. “I know what you mean. I feel bad shoving this matter aside, but how else are we going to enjoy this week unless we keep the assignment and the celebrations totally separate in our minds?”

I sighed. “All right, smart arse.”

Having let Jared talk me into not changing my dress, we then headed for the beach. I should have guessed that Antonio – the flashy sod – wouldn’t have just any yacht, but a luxury almost futuristic-looking one. The interior was more like a five-star hotel; it had a spacious lounge, a classy dining area, and several private cabins. Additionally, there was an outer dining area on the deck where two long tables were set up and a band was waiting. Wow, Antonio had gone all out tonight.

While the squad, the Master Vampires, Fletcher and Norm sat at one table, the High Master Vampires sat at the other with me, Jared, Evan, Antonio, Luther, Sebastian, Wes, and Lena. Just as they had at the informal gathering, Marcia, Rowan, and Ricardo were quite standoffish with me. They even went as far as to ignore my presence at the table, running their gaze along everyone but me as they spoke.

The fact that no one had stepped in to defend me would speak volumes to these prats – Jared, Antonio, and the others all believed me capable of protecting myself. Still, I could feel Jared’s frustration, knew that he wanted to say something anyway, but a few cautioning pinches from me stopped him.

To my surprise, it was Marcia who was the worst. She had some nerve, considering that she wasn’t even a powerful vampire; she was simply Bound to one – quite different. I wanted to seriously dislike her, but it was hard to dislike someone who was a silent partner in many human charities. I was in the same situation with Rowan and Ricardo. Neither of them were what anyone could call ‘bad people’.

Rowan, though largely unpleasant, had his good points. I had learned that the reason he had such an extensive bloodline wasn’t because he was quite the biter. It was that whenever he had encountered a human who knew a little too much about vampires, he hadn’t immediately killed them as necessary. He had given them the choice: death or vampirism. Not many would want to be responsible for so many vampires. But despite that his numbers were large, he continued to make this offer.

In his human years, Ricardo had been a priest. He had done a lot of good back then. Even now, although he wasn’t the nicest soul, he still had a kindness about him. He was the most supportive Sire out there. He was sure to remain in contact with each of his vampires, always helping those who might need it. They all respected him and followed him, which wasn’t always the case with Sires – I was a prime example of that.

Marcia’s words pulled me from my thoughts. “I imagine this kind of extravagance is something you had not encountered until coming here.” It was a jab, and had Jared still been sitting next to me as opposed to talking to one of the Master Vampires on the neighbouring table, he’d have said something. No doubt she had purposely waited until he was absent. “I heard that you lived in a poverty stricken area of London. Is that also where your Sire is from?”

I casually took a sip of my red wine-flavoured NST, hiding my irritation. “I’m actually not sure where Victor was from.”

“Your Sire is deceased?”

“Yeah. A crazy bitch killed him.” I saw that Antonio, Sebastian, Luther, and Evan were fighting the urge to smile.

“I have been told that the physical pain of losing a Sire is almost unbearable.” Connelly’s comment came out sounding like a question.

I shrugged. “It was far from a tickle.”

Marcia sighed. “Well, I suppose if you’re going to base yourself in an area that has a high crime rate, you’re going to meet your end sooner rather than later. I imagine that is why you came here. You sought sanctuary after his death.”

“Sam’s here because I recruited her,” interjected Sebastian, agitated. “She was made Jared’s co-commander because she earned the position. It is a job that she is very good at.”

Rowan clenched his fists. “But she is a Sventé.”

I gently swirled my NST as my eyes flickered from him to Marcia. “I was wondering…You know when you act like this, do you feel much like those kids in the Harry Potter books that are prejudiced against muggles?”

Holding out his hands, Rowan said, “See this from our perspective.”

“But then I’d have to ask Jared to jam my head all the way up my arse.”

Apparently Rowan decided to ignore my comment. “You are of the weakest breed, both in terms of your physical capabilities and your gift. Yes, granted you have a powerful gift, and you are in control of it. But will you always be able to control it? That is the question. If you were a Pagori, I might be inclined to think so.”

I snorted. “If I was a Pagori, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

Ricardo leaned forward. “I will be honest with you, Miss Parker. I believe you have some good qualities. You appear to be bright, strong-willed, and bold. They are qualities that I admire. I can see why Jared is taken with you, particularly as you also have…physical attributes.” Everyone ignored Marcia’s snort. “But that is not enough for me.”

I smiled. “Oh I don’t know. Haven’t you heard what they say about us? Once you’ve had a Sventé, you’ll never go back.”

Evan’s laugh didn’t wash down well with the three idiots. “Let me save you all some time. You won’t win an argument with Sam, and you won’t make her feel like she isn’t worthy of Jared or the position that she’ll soon have.”

“We do not wish to argue with anyone,” Ricardo assured him. “We simply wish to express our viewpoint.”

“And point out that Jared could do much better for himself than a common girl who can barely speak proper English,” said Marcia, huffing at me. “I suppose you are a product of drug addicts then, are you? I’ll bet you later became one, too. I’ll bet you went down the road of prostitution to pay for your addiction. I wouldn’t be surprised if that is how you came to be a vampire. You took the wrong type of client.”

I gasped as if in awe of her. “Wow, how did you guess that so accurately? Do something else. What shape am I picturing in my head?”

A loud laugh burst out of Evan while Antonio, Luther, and Sebastian chuckled silently. Even Bran and Kaiser appeared amused.

“Insolent!”

“You couldn’t come up with anything better? Seriously?” When she opened her mouth – most likely to insult me further – I raised a hand to stop her. “It’s all right, Marcia, no need to apologise. I’ve been called worse by better, if I’m honest with you.”

Rowan straightened in his seat. “I would appreciate it if you would not insult my partner.”

“Tit for tat, and all that,” I said, shrugging.

“How about you learn some manners,” suggested Marcia, sneering.

“How about you just act like adults?” I proposed. “What do you think?” I took another gulp of my NST. “There is, of course, the other option – you can piss off.” Rowan spluttered, apparently unused to anyone speaking to him that way. I looked at him sympathetically as he tried stuttering a comeback that made no sense. “Ah, is your battery running out?”

“Everything okay?” asked Jared as he returned to his seat.

Unsurprisingly, the three cheeky sods forced smiles and nodded at him.

But Jared wasn’t dumb. What did they say to you?

Most likely exactly what you’re thinking they said. There’s no point reproaching them. I’m not going to win them over unless I’m prepared to do some kind of power-demonstration. No way am I proving myself to three toffee-nosed twats.

Toffee-nosed? he repeated, amused.

In other words, they’re snobs.

After a three course meal and a lot of NSTs, most of the guests were up and dancing – even the three whiners, unbelievably. What inspired Damien to take the microphone and do a rendition of Michael Jackson’s ‘Billie Jean’, I wasn’t sure. But it had been a hell of a laugh watching him do the artist’s signature moves. My laugh kind of died when Magda got up and sang Peggy Lee’s ‘Fever’, staring at Jared the entire time. Did she have no shame?

Jared, however, didn’t look at her even once. Oh he was well aware that the song was for his benefit, but he was playing dumb and focusing totally on me. Maybe a big reason for that was he could sense the homicidal urges I was having.

Obviously having guessed her game, the squad had gathered around my table supportively; joking around to distract me. So when Magda approached, she had a hard time trying to make any sly comments over the noise they were making. But the bitch was persistent, and that persistence finally paid off.

I had to grit my teeth when I heard, “Jared, do you remember the time when you and I made love to that song?”

The feel of both mine and Jared’s anger shooting through my system almost had me throwing a fireball at her. But then Denny, who was standing in front of her, did the sweetest thing. He farted at her.

Now, having anyone fart at you would be bad. But as Denny was able – as one of his animal-mimic abilities – to release anal musk like a skunk…well, that was a bad moment for Magda. She nearly fell to her knees as the stench hit her. Her coughs and balks were drowned out by the laughs coming from me, Jared, and the guys. It was hard for me to stomach the smell, but the satisfaction I got from watching that bitch nearly pass out from a musky fart just purely diluted it. Even her consort looked like he wanted to laugh as he teleported her away − most likely because he disliked the attention she gave Jared and kind of thought of it as karma.

“Denny, I will love you forever for doing that,” I told him.

A beaming smile took over his baby-face. “I wasn’t about to let her get away with that remark.”

“It’s my turn next time,” declared Chico. At my quizzical frown, he huffed. “She can’t do shit like that to our Coach and think she’ll get away with it. That’s not how things work around here. Next time she tries something, she’ll find a dart in her ass. I might even ask Reuben to strengthen my gift before I do it. That way, she won’t just pass out, she’ll croak.” He said it all so casually, as if we were simply discussing the weather.

Aw. “You lot are the best.” At Jared’s growl, I quickly added, “Of course you’re the best of them all.” He snorted.

“How about a dance, Coach?” asked Max, his lips twitching. He’d said it purely to rile Jared. It worked.

“Not a fucking chance, Slaphead.” Jared possessively placed his hand on my thigh. Of course his reaction absolutely delighted Max, who instantly went into a fit of laughter. Feeling protective of Jared, I decided that a little crack of the whip to Max’s earlobe would be fun. I sucked the energy around me into my palms, and…and nothing. So I tried again. Nothing. Nothing fucking happened.

Sensing my confusion and anxiety, Jared turned to me. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know.” Again I tried to manipulate the energy, but again it didn’t work. So I tried shaping the energy into a ball instead…but still nothing. I was feeding on the energy in the same way that I always did, but I couldn’t do anything with it. “Shit.”

“What, what is it?”

“Something’s really wrong. My gift isn’t—” And then a burst of energy shot out of my palms, sending me and my chair flying backwards with the impact. Crashing into the wall behind me, I bounced out of my seat and fell on my hands and knees on the deck.

Jared was there in an instant. “What the fuck was that?”

“That was a tank of energy needing an outlet.” An outlet that I hadn’t been able to give it. Oh those fucking brothers had a lot to answer for.

Well this was fun. Although the conversation centred round me, not one person was addressing me. Jared, Antonio, Luther, Sebastian, Wes, Lena, and Evan were all pacing around my living area while I sat quietly on the sofa. Even the normally composed Antonio seemed unable to sit down. I could see panic on each and every face. It was the same panic that I was feeling.

Lena sighed. “For someone to have changed her to the extent that it is interfering with her gift, they must have changed her at a fundamental level.”

“What level?” Jared was pale even for him. The incident had sent his protectiveness into overdrive, and he looked on the verge of snapping.

“It would be the same as for me to alter a human’s internal system so that they can no longer digest their food. Sam can feed on the energy around her, but she cannot shape or control it. Much like a human would vomit in the case of being unable to digest their food, Sam had an abrupt release of the energy that she had absorbed.”

“Isn’t that what happens when a Feeder first develops their power?” Evan asked me.

“Yes,” I replied. “Because we don’t even realise we’re absorbing energy, and when we do, we can’t control it.”

“So, what, she’s digressing?” Jared asked Lena.

She exhaled heavily. “I truly have no idea, though it would appear so.”

I finally asked her the question that was taunting me. “Will I lose my gift?”

Her expression was sympathetic. “Possibly.”

Silence hit the room, and I felt as though I’d been dealt a blow to the chest as the breath practically whooshed out of me. My gift wasn’t simply an ability to me. It was part of who I was. The truth was that I’d be kind of lost without it; it would feel like losing a part of myself.

Knowing that, Jared came and squeezed my shoulder. “How about your ability to Merge? Has that been affected?”

I exhaled heavily. “Let’s find out.” Standing, I placed my hand on Jared’s chest and attempted to meld into him. Nothing. Well fuck a duck. Half-sighing, half-growling, I slumped back down onto the sofa.

“Has there been anything else happening to you that is out of the norm?” asked Antonio, his tone sensitive.

“Pain,” I told him, swallowing hard. “There was this awful, unbearable pain…but I couldn’t move, couldn’t scream, couldn’t do anything. Jared didn’t even sense it through our connection.”

The look on Antonio’s face told me that that wasn’t good at all. “I would say, then, that Lena is right. What’s happening to you is happening on such a fundamental level that it can interfere with almost anything; your gifts, your body, and even your connection to Jared.”

“Will it stop the Binding from working?” Jared’s voice was low.

“No,” Antonio assured him. “Nothing could do that.”

Lena nodded in agreement. “It is likely that whatever is happening will be over before the ceremony anyway.”

Jared, who was far from placated by the answers he’d been given, scrubbed a hand over his face. “There has to be someone who can help. Someone who can undo what’s happening, or who can at least tell us what’s happening.”

“The only people who can help with that are the vampires responsible,” Lena told him. “Had Sam been human or an animal, I could have aided her in some way. But my gift, though strong, is not that powerful. Technically, this particular gift should not be as strong as to have any effect on a vampire.”

A thought came to me. “What if we had Reuben enhance your gift, make it stronger, would that do any good?”

She cocked her head as she considered it. “I cannot say for sure. It’s worth a try, I suppose.”

Jared’s enthusiasm and hope was almost visible. “I’ll go get him.” Then he was gone.

Evan turned to me, sighing. “Hard seeing him like that, isn’t it? Jared’s usually so self-assured and at ease.” I nodded. “He’s scared of losing you.”

“I don’t think I’m dying, Evan, I really don’t.”

“I don’t either. But if this situation was the other way around, if Jared was in pain and losing control of his gifts, would you take any chances? Would you allow yourself the luxury of trusting that he’ll live?”

No, I wouldn’t. “In other words, you want me to not give him a hard time about the overprotectiveness.” Evan’s smile was sheepish. I sighed. “Fine.”

We all smiled as Jared returned with good ole Reub.

“Ah, Reuben,” drawled Antonio. “Good of you to come.”

My squad member nodded at him running his gaze over me. “Coach, you okay? That was some release of energy back there. Don’t worry, we didn’t tell anyone that your gift went weird, we just said that you and Jared were having a fight.”

“Focus, Reuben,” said Jared. “We need you to use your gift on Lena.”

“No problem.” One brief touch to the shoulder had Lena’s gift more powerful. “Is there any other way I can help?”

I shook my head. “Hopefully, we won’t need any more help.”

When Jared reached for him, Reuben raised a hand and headed for the front door. “I can get back to my apartment myself. You guys look like you need to be together right now.”

Wasn’t he lovely? “Thanks for coming. See you tomorrow.” He nodded and left.

Lena shook her head a little. “Strange how different, stronger, I now feel.”

“Do you think you’re strong enough to help Sam?” asked Jared.

She inhaled deeply. “I can try. I would appreciate it if no one speaks while I study her.” She came to sit beside me on the sofa, but she didn’t touch me. Her attention was all on me, though her eyes seemed slightly out of focus. Minutes later, she took a deep breath and graciously accepted the NST that Sebastian was holding.

“Do you see DNA strands?” I asked.

“It’s like looking at numbers and equations. I see what adds up, and what doesn’t, in which case I can spot abnormalities. I see weak points, and I see strong points; therefore I know a person’s strengths and weaknesses. I am able to shuffle the numbers around, make different equations, thus making a person stronger or weaker or different. Providing those equations make sense, there will be no problems.”

“So…the brothers’ equations weren’t adding up,” I surmised. “That was why the vampires they held were deformed.”

“Yes. If a being has too many weak points, it is impossible to significantly strengthen them. So it might be reasonable to assume that the other vampires hadn’t been strong enough to undergo the changes. The brothers were clearly hoping to strengthen you in some way, but I do not understand what they were trying to achieve. What I can tell is that they have tried to change you at a dramatic, massive level. The problem is…some of the equations aren’t adding up. Where your gifts were once strong, they are now weak.”

“What else?”

“As you know, when a person is Turned, their body changes in many ways. As they go through the transition, sensory organs are improved so that vision, hearing, and sense of smell are all enhanced. The circulatory, skeletal, and muscular systems also change, making the body much more resilient. But if a body is frozen in its development on a cellular level, does that really make it stronger? Personally, I do not believe so. It appears that the brothers have managed to…unfreeze parts of you in order to make changes. But I cannot explain what they are, I’m sorry.”

Lena’s gaze danced from both Jared and me. “My main concern is not the changes that are taking place. I’m not proud of this, but when I first began experimenting with my gift, I was very advantageous. I tried to change too much too quickly. The result…it was not pretty.”

Jared narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean that in those cases, the animals’ system sort of went into…well, I suppose you could say ‘override’. It began to shut down in some areas, protecting itself, and trying to rectify these problems. The problems were not always completely rectified even with my help to undo what I had done.”

Jared went even paler. “So the animals died?”

“No. But they became brain damaged. One slipped into a coma from which it never awakened.”

“And that could happen to Sam?” Jared ran a hand through his hair. “Can you help in some way? Can you undo anything of what they have done?”

“I’m sorry, but I doubt I will be able to make much difference, as I do not understand what it is the brothers have done to Sam’s DNA. The only thing that will allow me to have any effect on Sam, a vampire, is that her development is no longer frozen. At best, I can slow the process, ease the side effects, but the changes will ultimately be made unless you can find the brothers and make them reverse the process.”

“I will find them, I will. If there’s some way you can help Sam in the meantime, please, just do what you can.”

“It will be painful, Sam,” warned Lena.

“I don’t care, do what you can.” The pain was quick in coming. It was exactly like the pain I had felt earlier, but this time I could move and I could scream. And I did scream. The entire time, Jared spoke to me telepathically. The pain was so bad that his words were pretty much background noise, but still it helped to hear his voice.

What felt like hours later, the pain vanished abruptly. Somebody thrust a NST into my hand, and I drank it all in one go.

Lena patted my arm. “I’m sorry about the pain.”

“Don’t be. I’m just grateful for any help anyone can give.” And I truly was, because after everything that she had told me, I was at risk of shitting my pants.

Antonio stepped forward. “I think it may be best to keep Sam’s problem very quiet. Currently, a lot of the vampires are nervous of a Sventé being their source of protection once I have given up my position. The only thing making them keep an open mind is that her gifts are so powerful. For them to find out that her gifts are no longer under control, that she may actually lose them…”

Jared cursed, now pacing in front of me again. “If only you’d had some kind of vision, Luther…It’s kind of odd that something this serious wasn’t—” He stopped at the shifty expression on the tribute to Gandalf’s face. “What do you know?”

“Jared,” Luther implored; his expression pleaded with him to understand.

“You had a vision,” Jared immediately realised. When Luther exchanged a look with me, Jared glanced at me and narrowed his eyes. “And you knew he’d had a vision.”

I didn’t deny it. He was always going to find out at some point. I’d just kind of hoped for more time.

Jared came to stand in front of me. His voice was strained with anger. “Let me get this straight. You knew something might happen, but you went to the bungalow with me anyway.”

“I cannot interfere with people’s paths, Jared,” Luther insisted.

Jared twirled around to face him. “Really? Okay, let’s look at this path she’s taking. She has unbearable pain, she’s losing control of her gifts, and two guys did something to her that made other vampires deformed and crazed! Explain to me how that path is a good thing.” He advanced on the Keja vampire until he was almost nose-to-nose with him. “You need to tell me what you know, and you need to do it now. I don’t want to hear any of your cryptic bullshit. Tell me! Tell me so that I can fucking fix it!”

Luther’s small smile was gentle and apologetic. “I’m sorry, Jared. You know that I would do so if I could.”

I honestly feared that Jared might hit him, but instead he snapped, “Fuck it. Fuck all of you.” Without even a glance at me, he teleported away.

(Jared)

Of course I’d known that lazing on a sun lounger on the empty beach wasn’t going to calm me, but I’d sort of expected to feel better after an hour alone. Apparently I was expecting a little too much from life lately. See, I’d expect that the woman I loved would have some sense of self-preservation, but no. I’d expect that if there was something I needed to know – particularly if it was somehow related to her safety – then I’d be told about it. And I’d expect Sam not to keep something so important from me, but, again, no.

Sure, I knew why she hadn’t told me – she’d known that my protectiveness would have hit critical levels and that I’d have done everything I could to stop her from going with me to investigate her weird dreams. Was that really so damn wrong of me, though?

I even understood why Luther hadn’t mentioned the vision. So many times over the years I’d seen him quiet and subdued, and I’d known he’d had a vision that he couldn’t share. Each time, I’d deeply sympathised with him. After all, his gift had to be more of a curse sometimes. But if that vision somehow concerned Sam, I was never going to be so understanding, and he’d known that.

So, yeah, I could understand why neither of them had told me beforehand. The question bugging me now was…why hadn’t Sam mentioned this afterwards? She wasn’t exactly someone who would care about risking my wrath. She’d snort and flip me off if I yelled at her. So why keep this from me? Why keep me out like that?

Unfortunately, none of that could distract me from the bone-deep fear circulating through me. Yes, the brothers had assured me that Sam wouldn’t become ill, but if their ‘equations’ weren’t adding up, then there was every chance that something bad would happen to her, even if they hadn’t meant for it to.

This whole thing sucked.

The scent that suddenly drifted downwind to me instantly made my blood boil. This was not what I needed. “I don’t know why you’re out here and I don’t care, just go.”

A very scantily dressed Magda sat gingerly on the lounger beside mine. “I sensed your anger and fear, Jared. Naturally I was going to come to you.”

The false concern in her voice nibbled at what patience I had left. “Not now. I really don’t want to have to deal with your shit right now.”

“Did it ever occur to you that I might wish to make amends?”

I snorted. “No, because you don’t. What you want is to play games. It’s what you’re good at.”

“You used to think I was good at a lot of things.”

“I also used to think that vampires didn’t exist.” I enjoyed watching that practiced sultry smile fall from her face.

“If I thought you were happy with Sam, I would wish you well” – Yeah, right – “but you’re not happy. You may seem it at times, but you’re not truly happy. A Binding is life-long. I would hate to see you trapped in a stale relationship.”

“Really? Strange, because that’s pretty much what you’d wanted when you Turned me all those years ago.”

Her eyes flared and her irises were suddenly glowing amber. “What we had was not stale. When I revealed what I was to you, I had two choices. Turn you at some point, or kill you – that is how it works, and you know that. I chose the first option and I do not regret that.”

“And that’s all it was? You Turned me purely to save me from death?” My words were dripping with scepticism. Magda wasn’t a stickler for rules. She would have gotten a kick out of risking punishment.

“Of course. You know this, just as you know that what we had was not stale. You may wish to believe that it had been, you may prefer to think differently, but you know in your own mind that it was not.”

“I know that you used me, just like you use everyone else around you. I know that, to you, I was just a toy. I know that you didn’t Turn me to save me, or because you cared; you did it out of spite, just as you Turned my brother out of spite. That’s what I know.”

“It wasn’t out of spite, but I can see why you might think that. I was hurt when you didn’t return to me. I panicked. I didn’t want to believe that you had stopped caring for me and I convinced myself that the only thing in our way was Evan being human. I used him to tempt you, yes, but not to hurt you. I would never have wished to do that.”

And wasn’t that the biggest load of shit I’d ever heard. If I hadn’t known her as well as I did, though, I might have fallen for that act. “Why are you here, Magda? Here at The Hollow? I know you don’t like that I’m Binding with Sam, and I know you get off on trying to separate us, but you have to know that your schemes won’t work. So why stay?”

“As I said, if I can be convinced that you’re truly happy with Sam, I shall no longer interfere. But if she continues to upset you as she clearly has now, well…”

I growled at the threat in her voice. “You stay away from Sam.”

Magda rolled her eyes. “These growls and warnings are wasted on me, Jared. You have a blood-link to me, you would never hurt me.”

She really believed that? Wow. “There are only three people in this world that will never come to any harm from me. Sam, Evan, and Antonio.”

“You do not wish to harm me, Jared,” she insisted, inserting authority into her tone. She might have Turned me, but she had no authority over me as far as I was concerned. “You were happy with me. Granted, I made a mess of things—”

“That’s putting it lightly, don’t you think?”

“—but before that, you were happy with me.”

Again, there was authority in her tone that was much like a subtle push. I looked at her curiously. “What do you think you are, a fucking Jedi?”

“You made love to me as no other man before, or after you, has done.”

I slowly sat upright on the lounger and swung my legs over the side, facing her. “Let’s get one thing straight, Magda. I fucked you, but that’s all. Only with Sam has sex ever been anything more than that for me.”

Anger flashed on her face. “Perhaps it’s that way for you. But is it that way for her? Does she truly feel as strongly for you? If so, I have to wonder why you aren’t happy and why you are currently so angry.”

I knew she was playing mind games with me and it made me want to slap her – female or not. I almost did when she grabbed my arm. Instead, I shook off her grip. “Yeah, I’m pissed with Sam,” I admitted. “I’m pissed with her big time. In fact, I get pissed with her a lot, just as she does with me. But I still love her, and that’s not going to change.” I stood sharply, almost unbalancing the lounger.

“You say these things…but you have not totally opened yourself up to her, have you? You persist in holding back from her, even though it hurts her. Odd, then, that you claim to love her.”

But Magda was wrong. I wasn’t holding back from Sam, although that was how both women saw it. Telling Sam about my past would mean going back to that place in time in my head, and it would mean taking Sam there with me. I didn’t want her being touched by that shit.

Similarly, I didn’t want her to see the anxieties that lurked very deep inside me in spite of my efforts to get rid of them. I was broken in many ways, but I’d done a good job of hiding it, of denying it even to myself. It didn’t matter that I knew those anxieties were needless − when you were told things every single day of your childhood, those things had a way of embedding themselves inside you; lurking there, and appearing to torment you at your low moments. Knowing that none of it was true didn’t make it completely go away. And if your own mother couldn’t love you, it was so easy to believe that nobody else was ever going to.

I didn’t want Sam to have to hear about that woman. I didn’t want Sam spending even a second of her life thinking about her. It would feel like I was letting my mother taint her just as she had tainted my human life. Of course I wasn’t dumb; I knew that I would have to tell Sam everything at some point − mostly because she would never let it alone. Was delaying that such a bad thing?

Teleporting back to the apartment, I found Sam already in bed. I thought by her even breathing that she was sleeping deeply, but when I finally slipped into bed, one eye peeked open.

“You still angry?” Her voice was a little croaky.

“More angry than I’ve ever been about anything in my fucking life.” I was pulling her to me even as I said it.

“If I’d told you about Luther’s vision, you would have tried to stop me from—”

“Yeah, and as much as it pisses me off, I do understand why you didn’t tell me. But you could have told me afterwards, Sam. You could’ve, but you didn’t; that’s what hurts. On some level you were punishing me, weren’t you? You didn’t tell me because you wanted me to know how it felt to be shut out.”

I could tell by her expression that she hadn’t really considered that. After a few seconds, she sighed. “Maybe. But if I was, I hadn’t actually realised it. It does hurt me that you don’t share stuff, especially this thing with your mother, because it’s obviously something big to you.”

My arm contracted around her. “I don’t mean to hurt you. I would never want to do that. Not ever.”

“But you don’t trust me with the details,” she assumed.

I cupped her chin and tried to lift her face to mine, but she resisted. “Hey, hey, hey, look at me. Look at me.” Sighing, she did. “It is not that I don’t trust you. You, Evan, and Antonio are the only people that I do trust. I’m asking you to trust me here. I will tell you what you want to know. I will. Just don’t ask me to bring up this shit now. There is so much going on around us, interfering with our ability to enjoy our own Binding. Can we just shove this aside until afterward? Can we at least shelf this one thing?”

Could I at least have the luxury of not thinking and talking about the woman who had given birth to me, but done little else for me? That was the real question, but it would be revealing too much. Sam had a very curious nature and was drawn to mysteries. She wouldn’t be grateful to know only a few things. No, her curiosity would drive her to ask for more details.

“All right,” she eventually replied. “But you have to promise that you will tell me eventually.”

I nodded, wishing she hadn’t said that, and wishing she wasn’t looking at me with an expression that said ‘I’ll need more than a nod’. “I promise.”

“Good.” Abruptly, she sank her teeth into my chest. Her hand closed around my cock and she pumped as she drank from me, not stopping until I exploded over her hand. I was more than happy to return the favour.