The Bite That Binds

CHAPTER TEN

(Jared)

I was jealous of a snake. That was something I never thought I’d say.

Yeah, it was true. The second Sam had returned Dexter to his tattoo form, my mood had dramatically improved. In my defence…Okay, maybe there wasn’t really much of a defence if you were jealous of a pet. It was probably fair to say that it was immature and a little unreasonable. But when that pet hissed at you every time you moved to touch your fiancée, it got annoying fast. There were only two reasons why I wasn’t tempted to slice up the slithering little shit – Sam adored him, and he was, as Wes had predicted, extremely protective of her.

With everything that was going on right now, she needed protection. Not simply because her gifts were acting up. No, it wouldn’t be long before Ryder reported to Antonio with the info he had been able to retrieve from the Medics and from the Deliverer. As soon as he did, Sam would insist on being part of whatever happened next. I was kidding myself if I thought I could stop her. As she had told me over and over, sitting in the background wasn’t who she was. Dexter would help me ensure that she was well protected…which meant I couldn’t kill him.

Earlier, we had read the file that Antonio’s researchers had compiled about the brothers. Born into a very prestigious family, they had been given the best of everything all their lives. Both of them had shown great aptitudes for science at an early age and had won many awards in that subject in school and university. One of them had been married and had a son, while the other had been in a relationship with their gardener – male gardener.

It wasn’t clear how they had found out about the existence of vampires, but it was apparent that they had gone to Orrin and had requested to be Turned – not the other way around. Considering that Orrin had Sired many vampires, it was reasonable to assume that he’d had no qualms about Siring two more. Consistent with Orrin’s story, they had only remained with him for the first year. Then they seemed to have gone off alone to begin their own bloodline.

We weren’t any the wiser about the foetal abduction operation either. Unfortunately, neither Max, Harvey, nor Damien had found any documents in the mobile hospital that might help with the investigation. I had heard from Antonio that although Ryder was doing well with the captives, he hadn’t yet acquired all of the info we needed. Being relatively newborn meant that Ryder wasn’t fully in control of his gift yet, so it would take him a little time.

Although I was eager to shut down the operation, I was also grateful for the small reprieve; grateful that Sam and I were able to spend one whole evening with each other. Yeah that was selfish and shitty of me, but I wanted Sam to be relaxed and happy during the week of our Binding. At the moment, she was far from it. Still, she was smiling as we entered the large dining room where the oriental meal was being held.

Our designated waitress led us over to a circular table where several people already sat. Antonio, Luther, Evan, Wes, and Lena greeted us both with, literally, open arms. Bran and Kaiser were cordial, albeit a little stiff. Ricardo, Rowan, and Marcia, on the other hand, were welcoming toward me but very curt with Sam.

I was well aware of why, just as I was well aware that the pinch she gave me was a ‘don’t say anything’ warning. Yeah, yeah, I knew she liked to fight her own battles and I knew it was important that she did so in this instance. While I respected that, it made me want to strangle her sometimes. Who would want to sit back and do nothing while people were being rude to their fiancée?

“The room looks amazing, doesn’t it?” Sam said to me. At that moment, she looked truly happy, and that was all I wanted.

She was right; it really did look amazing. Hanging from the ceiling were several zodiac spirals, an oriental dragon garland, and large red and gold lanterns. The walls were decorated with large oriental fans, amazingly detailed wall scrolls, and bamboo borders.

“That centrepiece is gorgeous,” she said, pointing at the red paper and bamboo oriental lamp that matched the napkins and table cloth.

“It is set up beautifully,” agreed Marcia. Her expression turned devious as she went to continue.

Sam stopped her with a raised hand. “Marcia, I’m happy. Don’t spoil it by speaking.”

“All I was going to say was that the quality of food at The Hollow must be very different to what you were used to before coming here.”

Sam nodded in agreement, but both her self-suffering sigh and her sad tone were forced. And they all knew it. “Yes, it’s quite appalling that I was raised on fish, chips, and mushy peas. Still, I wasn’t completely deprived. There was a Chinese takeout near my flat, and it had a lantern a bit like these. The lantern had splatters of barbeque and curry sauce on it, but the beauty was still there.”

Rowan shuddered. “I do not know how people could eat from places like that. They’re unclean.”

“Nonsense,” objected Sam with a wide smile. “Germs build up your immune system. I never caught any of the diseases that my neighbours had…Other than the time I had oral herpes after one of them forced a kiss on me. That hadn’t been pleasant.”

My mouth twitched into a smile. That was my Sam. She played the game with them, and she played it better.

Rowan grimaced. “I have a feeling that you are not being truthful, Miss Parker,” – oh he was on the ball, wasn’t he – “but, in any case, it is disgusting to talk of diseases at a dinner table.”

“No more disgusting than your attitude.”

Marcia placed a hand on her partner’s arm. “Should we expect anything more from a girl whose origins are like Miss Parker’s?”

Sam regarded her curiously. “Have you ever visited that website greatlyinneedofalife.com?”

Marcia bristled. “I have a life, thank you.”

“Really? You seem a little too fascinated with mine. I mean, really, are you capable of talking about something that isn’t related to my childhood or where I grew up?”

“Did you grow up?” quipped Rowan.

Sam simply looked at him with pity. “Aw, Rowan, didn’t anyone ever tell you that in order to be a smartarse, you need to be smart? If you’re not, it just makes you an arse.”

Even Ricardo laughed at that.

“I could tell you that I was raised by parents who were addicted to crack. I could tell you that I sampled the stuff myself at a very early age. I could also tell you that I’d had a boyfriend who was not only a drug dealer, but a pimp – my pimp. But that would merely be telling you what you want to hear. You want reasons to disapprove of me. The truth of my childhood is, in fact, quite different. Not great, but nothing like that. But, see, I don’t have to explain myself to any of you, and I won’t. I don’t crave the respect of people that I have no respect for.”

Marcia crossed her arms over her chest. “You cannot expect us to respect someone who dislikes us so very much.”

“In all honesty,” began Sam, cocking her head. “I don’t dislike any of you, you just piss me off. Still, you’re entitled to your opinions, and you’re clearly full of them. But like it or not, I’m going to Bind with Jared, and I’m going to one day be responsible for your protection.” She leaned forward, whispering, “So you might want to be nice to me, because I have a vengeful streak.”

Smiling, I kissed her temple. “I can vouch for that. I’ve been on the receiving end of it more than once.”

“You’re right about one thing, though,” Sam told Rowan. “I have ended up a little like my parents. A workaholic. Yes, my parents actually have jobs. In fact, they run their own business. It’s a small business and it doesn’t do very well, but they work hard for a living. What do all of you do again? Oh yeah. Absolutely nothing.”

It was at that moment that the waiter brought over the first course, effectively ending that conversation. I had noticed that Ricardo, Rowan, and Marcia appeared to be looking at Sam a little differently, as if considering her through fresh eyes. The problem was that even if they grew to like her, they wouldn’t fully accept her until they were confident that she could protect them. Thankfully they didn’t know that, at the present moment, she couldn’t properly protect herself, let alone others.

In spite of the awkwardness at the table, conversation came easy and no more insults were exchanged. In fact, the mood even improved when Harvey brought over his smartphone to show his snaps of the paintballing games – I tried to snatch it before anyone saw the ones of me wearing that damn mankini, but Harvey had too good a grip on it.

Of course Magda had to try to ruin the good mood, didn’t she?

Standing behind Marcia’s chair, Magda greeted everyone individually, leaving Sam until last. “Good evening. Enjoying your meal?” Her expression said that she sincerely hoped that the answer was no.

Sam fiddled with the chopstick in her hand. “Still a bit sour that everyone turned on you at the end of paintballing? Karma doesn’t taste all that nice, does it?”

I could understand why Magda snarled at the comment. Just the memory of her standing there, squealing, while a seemingly endless amount of paint pellets showered her…Ah, good times.

“That behaviour was uncall—”

“Oh Magda, Magda, Magda,” began Sam. “We all know that you’re only over here to insult me because you want Jared and you’re jealous – it’s old news. So why not just run along and nobody gets hurt. Okay?”

“You may think that you are clever, Sam. But all I see is an insecure, green-eyed, bitter, hot-headed individual.” Madga’s self-satisfied grin faded when Sam simply shrugged. I had to admit, I was surprised by her composure too.

“At least I don’t have a chopstick sticking out of my eye.” And then she lunged across the table, chopstick in hand. Yep, that was more like my Sam. If Magda hadn’t scampered so fast, she would have ended up in sheer agony. God, I loved this woman.

(Sam)

Taking some time to calm down after Magda’s little jibe, I’d gone out onto the empty veranda. I was actually enjoying the solitude, which was new for me. That peace and quiet didn’t last long, though. Hearing footsteps approach, I swivelled my head to see none other than Ricardo. “Hello there, Rick. Lovely night, isn’t it?”

A muscle in his jaw ticked. “My name is Ricardo.”

“Right, that’s what I said.”

“You are very rude.” He didn’t actually sound that annoyed about it.

“And you’re looking for reasons not to like or approve of me.”

“You’re a Sventé. That is reason enough.”

“It’s reason enough for you to worry that I might not be able to guarantee you’re protected,” I granted, “but it doesn’t give you reason to insult me. And you know it.”

His gaze skidded away, almost as if he was slightly ashamed of that. Nah. “Perhaps if you and Jared had been truly devoted to one another, I could accept you. But I know the truth of things. I know that you both sleep with others.”

“Let me guess who told you that…The tribute to Jessica Rabbit. Am I right?”

He peered down at me, frowning. “Yes.”

“It didn’t occur to you that she just might be talking tripe to cause problems?”

“I will admit that jealousy does funny things to people, but surely she would be too protective of one of her vampires to cause him any pain.”

I snickered. “You’d think so, wouldn’t you? But no. The fact is that Jared would never be unfaithful to me. That bloke is loyal to a fault. But, of course, you already know that. You simply want to justify your behaviour. And you need to justify it to those Master Vampires over there who you Sired, don’t you? You need to keep supplying them with reasons not to accept me.”

He stiffened. “My vampires will always follow me.”

“In the past they have, yeah. But you know as well as I do that they will only continue to do that if you continue being someone they respect. Refusing to give your approval to Antonio’s Heir…That’s not exactly admirable behaviour, Rick.”

He inhaled deeply, as if seeking for calm. “It is Ricardo. And as you said, I am entitled to my opinion.”

“Yes, you are. But it would be wise of you to keep that opinion to yourself and to allow them to decide for themselves what they want to do. They’ve been obedient so far, but they’re not a flock of sheep, they’re people with their own minds. This is a very delicate and important matter. Many of them respect Antonio and Jared. I doubt that they’ll want to offend them by leaving before the ceremony. That is what you have every intention of doing, isn’t it?”

He studied me through narrowed eyes. “You are very perceptive.”

“I’m not going to tell anyone about your plan to leave, if that’s what you’re wondering. To be frank, I couldn’t care less if you scuttle off in the day when everyone’s asleep, or whether you dance a bloody jig after the ceremony is done. But you should have a long think before you ask your entire bloodline to leave with you. Yep, they have you to protect them. But what if something happened to you in the future, what then?” I rose from my chair. “I know what it’s like to have no one to turn to. Don’t put them through that.” Then I left him standing there alone, hoping he made the right choice.

Instinctively, I made my way to Jared, who was in a corner with his twin. On hearing Evan’s words, I halted a footstep away.

“I went. To the funeral, I mean.”

As the twins had their backs to me, I stayed where I was, hoping to hear more before Jared sensed me.

“I knew what you meant.” Jared’s tone was flat, lifeless.

“But then I asked myself what the hell I was doing there, and I came straight back.”

Jared frowned at him. “You had every reason and right to go.”

“No. No, I didn’t. How could I pay my respects to someone that I didn’t respect? I don’t like the way people think that we’re supposed to love our parents simply because they’re our parents. If they didn’t live up to their end of the deal, why should we live up to ours?”

“She was good to you.” I’d never heard Jared’s voice sound so small before. He almost seemed…lost – a total first for him. It made my chest ache.

“Not for the right reasons, but it took me a while to see that.” Evan shook his head. “I honestly don’t know how you can’t hate me just a little.”

Jared chuckled, though there didn’t seem much humour in it. “That was one thing she never succeeding in doing, wasn’t it? Causing a divide between me and you proved too much, even for her.”

“I know how you think, so I’m pretty sure you’ve felt bad that you didn’t go to the funeral. Yes, she was our mother, but she didn’t act like one. What I’m trying to say is that you aren’t harsh for not going. I just want you to know that.”

“I don’t feel bad for not going. I feel bad that I don’t feel bad…if that even makes sense.”

“Don’t feel bad. You shouldn’t. She doesn’t deserve the satisfaction. She’ll be looking up at this, laughing in delight, so stop.”

When Jared raised a brow questioningly, his twin shrugged.

“Yeah, she was good to me,” he allowed, “but she’s burning in hell for sure.” Both then chuckled, and turned. When Jared’s eyes landed on me, they instantly narrowed. I could tell by his expression that he knew I’d been eavesdropping, and he wasn’t happy about it.

Evan smiled widely. “Hey there, calmed down yet?”

“No. That’s why I still have this.” I held up the chopstick.

“The look on Magda’s face when you dived at her…Priceless.” A nudge from one of the Master Vampires made Evan turn.

As I looked up at my fiancé, I sighed. “You’re never going to tell me about your mother, are you?” I’d heard the strain in his voice, sensed the pain and anger he felt at merely thinking about her.

Jared’s face hardened. “I’ve said I will, and I will. Just not until after the Binding.”

“But when after the Binding? A month later, a year later, ten?”

“Sam, I told you—” He stopped on hearing Antonio call his name. “I’ll be back in a minute.” But we both knew he wouldn’t.

Laughing, Evan turned away from the vampire and double-blinked at the empty space beside him. “Where’d he go?”

“Do you mean physically or mentally?”

Evan’s expression morphed into one of concern. “What’s wrong?”

“He’s shutting me out again, the bastard.” There was no venom in my voice because a part of me felt sorry for him. But apparently there was enough frustration that Evan decided to subtly lead me out of the room and into the ballroom adjacent to it.

The second the door was closed, he pressed, “What do you mean, shutting you out? Don’t tell me you guys are letting Magda get to you. I really thought you were both coping pretty well with that.”

“We are. Sort of. But that’s not what this is about anyway.”

“Then, what?”

“Answer me something. Is it a lot to ask him to talk to me about your mother, about why he wouldn’t go to the funeral? If it truly is, I’ll let this go. For now. But if it’s not, tell me so that I can kick him up the arse and make him tell me. This isn’t about my curiosity anymore. I heard his voice when he spoke of her, I heard him say he’s feeling bad. I want to help him. He won’t let me.”

Evan ran a hand through his hair, looking like he would rather be anywhere but there with me at that very moment. “You can’t understand what our mom was like, Sam.”

“Then help me understand. He won’t tell me anything, Evan. I just want to be there for him.”

There was a long pause before he finally spoke. “If this was any other subject, I’d tell you to go to Jared, I wouldn’t get involved. But this is a sore subject for him. I’m pretty sure he’d have told you eventually, but not now. And now is when he needs to talk about it, whether he likes it or not.”

He led me over to one of the large circular tables, taking the seat opposite me. He then took a long, preparatory breath before starting. “Our mother…She wasn’t a mom to Jared, Sam. To understand why, you have to understand what she was like. Ever met a narcissist before? I mean a true narcissist.”

“No.”

He smiled sadly. “That’s the thing, you probably have; you just hadn’t known it. Narcissists have two faces. They’re one person in public, but a completely different person behind closed doors. Of course, no one other than the people living behind those doors with them will have any inkling there is more than one side to them.

“Lorna Michaels was totally obsessed with herself, had a sense of entitlement, couldn’t empathise with another person, used and manipulated everyone around her. Her needs always came first. In some ways, she was like a spoilt child. And the vanity…she was so superficial; all about looks and appearances.”

When he hesitated to continue, I knew he was debating whether to send me to Jared. “Please, Evan. I need to know.”

Sighing, he nodded. “Because she was so nice to everyone else, they all thought she was amazing; a regular martyr who would do anything for anybody. Some kids even used to say that they wished they had my mom. They didn’t know about the outbursts, the emotional abuse, or the physical abuse. But we did. Or, more specifically, Jared did, because it was only really him who suffered from it. Occasionally I was the focus of an outburst, but that was only if I’d tried to defend Jared or disobey her. Lorna Michaels had to be obeyed, and that was that.”

Already I wished I’d been at the funeral just to do a celebratory dance around the headstone, singing ‘Ding Dong the Wicked Witch is Dead’. “And your dad?”

“I don’t remember him being home all that much – he was either at work, or out drinking with his friends. He was a ‘woe is me’ person, too wrapped up in his own misery to give a shit about anybody else. I think that was why their marriage was so bad – they were both attention seekers, and neither liked it when the other was getting all the attention. It was almost like sibling rivalry. But my mother would never have given him a divorce. No, other people weren’t allowed to know that we were anything but the perfect little family. She let him have his work affairs as long as he was discreet about it. After all, she had secrets of her own, didn’t she?”

“Why did she hone in on Jared?”

“When she gave birth to us, I popped out easily enough. But he hadn’t turned, so she’d needed a C-section. And she was sure to tell him on a regular basis that she wished she’d never had him because she hated the scar. I think she would always have chosen just one of us to dote on. Apparently, it’s typical of narcissists to, on a subconscious level, pick a golden child and a scapegoat. The golden child can do no wrong; the scapegoat can do no right.”

Weird. “And she chose Jared to be the scapegoat because of the scar?”

“I don’t think so. I think it was because she couldn’t mould him into the person she wanted him to be. She tried to make us both extensions of her. Tried to control us – our every move, our every feeling, our every thought. With me, it worked in some ways. I wanted her attention, and the best way to get it was to agree with her, mirror her, do whatever she wanted. But Jared wouldn’t let her control him.”

And didn’t that make me proud as hell.

“No matter how much she punished him, she couldn’t break him. She couldn’t get into his head and take control. Personally, I think it was because of the hurtful comments she made. Instead of trying to seek her approval, he’d rejected her in his mind as some kind of defence mechanism. Because of that, she simply couldn’t get in. She actually made the job harder for herself, it was like a vicious cycle – the more she demeaned him to try to weaken him and take over, the more he rejected her and the tougher his defences against her became.”

“You said there’d been physical abuse.” A part of me didn’t want to hear it, but this was Jared, and I couldn’t help if I didn’t understand.

Evan swallowed hard. “It was more about control, wanting us to fear her enough that we’d be easier to control. Oh she was nice to me, but she still terrified me. I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t help Jared in the beginning. It wasn’t that I hadn’t wanted to. Sometimes, I’d get an urge to pull her away from him, but then I’d feel guilty because she was my mom and she was always good to me.”

With a disbelieving look on his face, he continued, “See, I thought she was great, because she thought I was great, and she’d tell me how I was her best boy, and that we were so alike and special. But with Jared, she was cold, aloof, distant, and abusive…except when people came around. Then she’d talk about her ‘two best boys’ and put him on display. And he’d have to perform. The punishment was so severe when he didn’t that he learned it was easier to act the perfect family when people were around.”

“What kind of punishments?”

He inhaled deeply. “One of her favourites was to lock him in our tiny shed – this was after she’d beaten the shit out of him. Even when it was winter and ice cold, she’d lock him in there, not even bothering to give him a coat. Yeah, she did lots of cruel crap like that. Other times, it would be mind games. She’d ask him to imagine what it would be like if she let ‘The Bad Man’ take him away and keep him, to imagine what that man would do to him. Or she’d pretend that she couldn’t hear or see him, would act as if he wasn’t there, like he didn’t exist.”

It was hard speaking while there was a big, fat lump in my throat. Just imagining him as a little boy being huddled in the corner of a cold shed, or repeatedly talking to his mother only to be completely ignored and made to feel like a ghost…Twisted bitch. “Didn’t he ever tell anyone?” I couldn’t imagine Jared ever suffering anything in silence.

“He told our aunt, but she didn’t believe him. Why would she? Lorna was so nice to everyone, and she made him out to be ‘troubled’ and an ‘attention seeker’ with a ‘vivid imagination’. She was cunning like that.”

As he went on, Evan grinned; it was all pride. “He managed to get his revenge in subtle ways. He’d realised that she liked it when he flinched or cried, so he never did it for her. No matter what she did to him, he wouldn’t cry, wouldn’t ask her to stop, wouldn’t even wince. Nothing. That got to her, because it was a reminder that she might be able to physically overpower him, but she still hadn’t got in here.” He tapped his temple, still grinning. “And denying that to someone who fed off misery and pain…it was probably the best form of revenge.”

His grin faded as he went on. “I should have spoken up with him, should have told my aunt that Lorna was lying. I should have got him help. I wanted to, I did. But, like I said, then I’d feel guilty, because I’d sort of felt indebted to her. That was how she made me feel.”

Hearing the shame and guilt in his voice, I patted his arm. “You were just a kid, Evan.”

His chuckle was humourless. “He always says the same thing. But I still should have helped him. He’s my twin.”

“You didn’t know any other way. To you, that was probably normal.”

“I was eleven when it finally clicked in my head that it wasn’t right. When I started spending time at my friends’ houses, I saw how other parents were, how the kids were treated equally. But the real turning point for me was the time when I went inside one of my friends’ homes with him and we found his dad beating up his brother. The first thing my friend did was jump on his dad’s back and try to help his brother.

“That was when I really started to defend Jared rather than just divert her attention from him. We started to spend lots of time together and we became really close, and maybe that was a lot to do with being the only two people who knew the real her – we were each the other’s validation that we weren’t crazy for thinking that this supposed martyr was truly, well, evil.”

“I’ll bet she didn’t like you two becoming close.”

“No, she didn’t. She turned on me big time, and she did some mean shit to me, too. But I was still the golden child, no matter what. Jared, on the other hand…She made it clear to him in as many ways as possible that he didn’t matter to her, that he wasn’t even a person. I’ll tell you one thing that I remember. It happened when we were in our teens. We got quite a bit of female attention at school. I’m not being boastful here, I’m just—”

I held up a hand, smiling. “No, it’s okay, I can fully imagine. I’ll bet Jared loved that.”

“Actually, he didn’t. He hated attention back then. Hated it. He didn’t trust anyone, he thought everyone was fake, he expected everyone to try to use him, or to fuck him over. He even hated his looks, because he looked so much like Lorna. He couldn’t bring himself to respect many of the girls who rallied around him because most were as superficial as the bitch that gave birth to us. But he wasn’t bitter or a total asshole, he was just very guarded and even quiet. He never really showed emotion…probably because at home, emotions had always got him in deep shit.”

It was at that moment that I realised that I had been asking a lot of Jared when I wanted him to talk to me. But how was I supposed to know that this was such a hot button for him? Still, I felt like crap for pushing him.

“Mom’s friends used to tell her she must be so proud to have such handsome sons. She’d say of course she was. One of those friends used to flirt a lot with Jared, who was freaked out by it and avoided her as far as possible. When she got a little too heavy, he went to Lorna and told her to keep the woman away from him. Wanna know what she said? She told him to give her friend the little fling that she wanted. She actually told him to fuck her friend, which he didn’t, and that got him punished.”

“Please tell me that you’re joking.” When he shook his head, I asked, “How old was he?”

“Fourteen.”

My jaw practically hit the floor.

“She didn’t see people as ‘people’, Sam; especially not him. Jared was just a thing for her to use and manipulate. When Magda turned out to be exactly the same, it did something to him. It changed him. Something in him just…went. Although he hadn’t cared about Magda, he’d thought he did at the time. What’s more, she’d told him that she loved him. That was something he’d never had before. But she just became another woman that hurt, used, and betrayed him.”

Had I ever wanted to hurt Magda more than I did right at that second?

“When he was made Heir and the spotlight was on him…That was what he’d always wanted. Not necessarily the spotlight itself, but recognition, acceptance, and respect. And, yeah, he got a lot of female attention too. But, again, they didn’t want him. They wanted the Heir, they wanted to use him. It didn’t even bother him; he’d come to expect that from people, had convinced himself that women were users and manipulators. There’d never been anyone to make him think differently.”

The click in my head was so definitive that I was surprised it hadn’t been audible. “So, basically, all that prejudice...it wasn’t because he thought women were the inferior sex. It was because he was angry at women in general.”

Evan nodded. “But you…you didn’t care that he was the Heir. You didn’t jump into his bed. You were going to require some effort on his part, some respect, and he liked you enough to give you both. I don’t think either of us can appreciate how hard it must have been for him to take the chance of letting you in, knowing you could hurt him. I imagine it was a while before he even realised he’d let you in enough to care about you. He’d probably convinced himself it was all physical, that sex would make it go away.”

Thinking back to the way Jared had behaved in the beginning, how Fletcher and I had mused that he seemed to be sulking over my refusal to shag him, I thought that Evan might just be right about that.

“Now do you see why he’s being so protective, Sam? You’ve been the exception to every rule. You’re the total opposite of all those women who used him. You’re something he hadn’t imagined existed, something he needs and will be determined to keep. If you are at all worried about Magda, don’t be. He would never want her or anybody else. Nothing in this world could stop him from Binding with you. Nothing.”

And if Evan was right about that, I’d been worrying for absolutely no reason. Jared hadn’t shut down because he had doubts, he had shut down for reasons deeper than I would ever have imagined.

“I know the protectiveness is driving you crazy, Sam, but you won’t get him to tone it down. Not with how scarred he is, not with how determined he is to never lose you. If you really do love him, don’t ask him to change. Just…indulge him in this. Not all the time, but at least sometimes. Especially while your gifts don’t seem to be working.”

I nodded. “Okay, that’s fair.”

Evan looked at me beseechingly. “Now can you understand why he hasn’t wanted to talk about our mother?”

“Definitely.”

“Don’t think his confidence must therefore be all an act. It’s not. Jared fought hard to keep what she tried her level-best to take from him. And it must’ve been hard. To be told everyday – and by your own mother, the person who’s supposed to love you – that you’re nothing, you’ll never be anything, you’re bad through and through…it’s like brainwashing. But like I said, he’d formed defences against her, and those defences kept him going. He became emotionally independent at a very young age, and the only person other than me who he ever allowed himself to care about was Antonio.”

The man who’d saved him. “Ah, hero worship.”

Evan chuckled. “Antonio was kind of like the dad we’d never had. He was the positive influence that Jared had really needed at the time. Up until that point, I was the only person that Jared had ever let fully ‘in’ to his life. Actually, that’s not true. Antonio had barged his way in. When he sees potential in someone, he won’t let it be left untapped.”

Very true. I knew that from personal experience.

“Jared had resisted at first because, as I said, he’d become emotionally independent at a young age. Maybe that’s admirable, but it wasn’t good for him. I wanted so much for him to let another person into his life. The great thing about Jared is that once he does, once they’re ‘in’, he doesn’t hold back from them. He’ll give them whatever they want or need, he’ll kill or die for them. But no one ever really sees that part of him, because he doesn’t let them. But he let you. And that should speak volumes to you.”

It did, and now I was crying. I did not cry, but here I was crying.

“Please don’t cry. Teary women scare me. It’s—” Evan cut himself off when the door suddenly swung open, and in strode Jared.

Oh bugger.