Stone Cold

Chapter 3

SHAME

Allie and Zay’s place out in St. Johns was a three-story farmhouse that backed the Willamette River, and was within spitting distance from the formerly secret crystallized well of magic.

It was a pretty place with a rock wall fence and a garden they’d expanded again because the Hounds kept planting weird vegetables like bottle gourd, kohlrabi, and rhubarb in it when Allie wasn’t looking. An old apple tree with a tire swing claimed the corner of the yard.

Hard to imagine two of the most powerful and dangerous magic users in the world lived here. Hell, few other Soul Complements in the world could come close to challenging their magical mojo. If I had to put my last coin down on two people who would always, no matter the circumstance, come out on top, it was Allie and Zayvion.

Which is why I found the whole baby-on-the-way panic they had going kind of hilarious.

Terric parked the car next to several others in the alley behind the house. “Ready?”

“It’s a baby bath—” I said.

“Shower.”

“Whatever. I’ve got nothing on the line here. How ready do I have to be?”

I pushed out of the car, lit a cigarette, and filled my lungs with smoke. I wanted to roll up on the balls of my feet and stretch, I felt so good. That tussle with Life magic had taken the edge off the hunger inside me, steadied my heartbeat and all my other vital functions. I almost felt normal, human. Sure, it wouldn’t last. But for the moment, it was plenty good enough.

I waited by the car, smoking, while he tried to pull his head together, tried to line up his thoughts. After he cast magic like that, he had to remind himself what a human did, and how a human acted.

Which was why we tried not to use magic in big doses, or at all, for that matter. It was just a delay of the inevitable. There was no way to get rid of the magic inside us. All magic came at a price, and we were paying out with our souls every time we used it. One day, Terric would no longer be Terric and I would no longer be whatever I was.

No rosy future for us. We both knew it.

We didn’t talk about it.

He finally got out of the car and paused before shutting the door.

“Have your keys?” I asked.

Took him a minute before he answered. “Yes.”

He was still just standing there. Looked a little lost.

“Did you bring a gift?”

He stared at me, and I stared right back. “For the baby? Or Allie, or however this thing works.”

The last brittle edge of light in his eyes finally slipped away, leaving the deep blue of sanity. And with it, Terric.

Good. I relaxed a little. It was hell to see him losing ground. I knew one of these days, he wouldn’t come back from our little meetings of magic.

“It’s in the trunk.” He walked back to get it.

“See you inside, then.” I headed toward the house.

The wooden gate between the stone fence had little pink and blue balloons fluttering at the top of it. They’d tied more balloons to the railing of the covered porch and over the doorway.

I chuckled. It used to be all bullets and battles with these two. Now it was babies and balloons. My, how we’d changed. Well, at least how they’d changed.

I took the last of the heat out of the cigarette, flicked it into the wet flower bed, and jogged up the steps to the back door.

Eleanor was already ahead of me, grinning and excited. It didn’t matter if they were dead or alive—women had this thing about babies. Also parties. So today was win-win for her.

I clomped across the porch, the voices from inside rolling out in that particular music of happiness and friends. I could feel their heartbeats, knew who they belonged to.

There were about a dozen Hounds in the house. I could hear the rhythm of Nola, Allie’s best friend, Violet, her stepmother, and of course little Daniel, Allie’s only sibling. Zay and Allie were there too, two hearts beating in rhythm.

Other than that, I quickly picked out Sunny’s pulse and my mum’s.

Great. My mother was here.

I paused at the screen door. Took a second to make sure the Death in me was deep-sixed. I hadn’t seen Allie for three months. I hadn’t seen my mum for at least two.

Allie and Zay never asked why I didn’t come around. They knew. And frankly, this was going to be a short visit. No one wanted to watch what happened when a Death magic user lost control of his hunger in front of a pregnant woman.

But my mum didn’t care that I was death walking. She insisted I show up at her dinner table occasionally.

“. . . worry, you got this,” Terric said as he slowly climbed the stairs behind me.

“What?” I said.

He paused. Then, “This attention problem of yours? There’s a pill for that.”

“Shut up.”

I opened the door and braced myself for the wash of living—the heat, the tangle of emotions, laughter, and conversation.

I stepped into the kitchen. “Somebody pour me a drink. It’s time to party!”

My mother, Maeve, turned from where she was pulling a platter of strawberries out of the refrigerator. “There’s no booze at a baby shower. Wipe your feet, then give me a kiss and a hand.”

“No booze? This isn’t a prebaby kegger?”

“It’s a party for Allie and the baby, son. Not for you.” She set the strawberries on the counter and turned to give me a long look.

Mum was looking good, strong, just a sliver of silver catching in her long red hair, which was pulled back away from her face. She had on jeans, and a dark green sweater over a white T-shirt. Resigning as the head of Blood magic, and spending a few months with her boyfriend, Hayden, in Alaska had done good for her.

I hadn’t seen her happier.

She put her hands on her hips and tilted her head. “You are looking better, Shamus. Whatever you’ve been doing lately, it sits well with you.”

“Clean living and dirty work,” I said. I reached over and popped one of the strawberries in my mouth and moaned a little in amazement. “What’s in this?”

“Cheesecake. No more until after the presents.”

I swiped two more from the platter before she slapped my hands away.

“Hello, Maeve,” Terric said as he finally stepped into the room.

She pointed at me. “There’s a bowl up in that cupboard. Fetch it down. Hello, Terric. How are you?”

“I thought my indentured servitude ended when you kicked me out of the house,” I muttered.

“I kicked you out of the house when you were nineteen,” she said.

“I’m well,” Terric said, a little shakily. “Thank you.”

Pitiful. The man could not lie to save his life.

“Nineteen? You did not.” I handed Mum the glass bowl.

“Yes, I did. You just didn’t listen to me.”

“Pills,” Terric said.

I flipped him off.

“So, is there fun out there?” I grabbed another strawberry while pointing toward the living room. “’Cause the fun in here isn’t.”

Mum swiveled with the tray and dumped the berries into the bowl, her back to me, blocking my reach. I couldn’t count the number of times she’d done that to try to keep me out of her cooking.

Unfortunately for her, I was taller than her now.

“Here,” Terric said, “let me take that for you, Maeve.” He lifted the bowl out of her hands, and out of my reach.

“Teacher’s pet,” I said.

“Thank you, Terric,” she said. “There’s a table set out in the dining room. Just put it down anywhere it fits.”

“Got it,” he said.

I started after him.

“Shamus,” Mum said. “Stay for a cup.”

I stared wistfully after the strawberries but knew better than to push my luck. She had on that serious face that meant we could have this talk either here in the relative privacy of the kitchen or out there in front of everyone.

I poured myself a cup of coffee, added half a cup of cream, and a few tablespoons of sugar.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Mum said as she wiped her hands on a towel and turned to get more food out of the refrigerator. Deli platter. Looked delicious.

“I’ve been avoiding everyone, Mum.” I took a drink of coffee, then walked over and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. Not long enough for her to feel how cold my skin was, or how completely Death filled the shell of me. “Doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”

That made her smile. I pushed the monster further away. Covered it with my best Shame face. Hoped she wouldn’t see what I was now and how much ground I’d lost.

“Well, I’m given to understand people who love each other sit down to dinner every once in a while,” she said. “Come by Friday. Bring Terric.”

“Sure, okay. I’ll do that.” I was so not going to do that.

“Good,” she said. “See that you do. Now, go on.” She nodded toward the living room. “It’s all friends here.”

“I know.” That’s what made this harder. I walked through the door.

The living room was packed with people. Just about every Hound who had stood by Allie when the world had been about to end was lounging around the place.

Jamar, who still rocked the intellectual-tough-guy look, leaned against the bookcase talking to Sid, who was easy to mistake as a typical middle-aged accountant. Theresa and Beatrice were a study of opposites, Theresa being the kind of gal who looked as if she belonged in a military workout video, and Bea flying her boho, bright-colored scarves, frilly skirt, and easy laughter. I didn’t see her whiskey-soaked boyfriend, Jack, around anywhere.

But Sunny was here, lingering in the shadows and giving off leave-me-alone vibes. She had stroked her dark hair back off her face into a single braid down her back. She wasn’t wearing a stitch of makeup, had on black jeans, a gray long-sleeve shirt, and a black short jacket. The whole thing together should have made her look badass, which she was because—hello, Blood magic user and head of the Portland Hounds—but as the days and months had marched on without us finding where Eli and the government had taken her boyfriend, Davy, the sorrow was starting to crack her hard exterior, leaving her pale and pained.

All the Hounds except Sunny were holding plates predictably piled high with food. And also predictably, they all glanced up when I walked into the room.

I so hated that.

Dashiell Spade, the guy who used to work for Terric and me, had once said Death magic surrounded me like a dark shadow. He’d said anyone who had a brain in their head could see I was dangerous. Unpredictable.

Something to avoid.

The Hounds had some of the finest-honed survival instincts of any people I’d ever met. It was no surprise they were suddenly alert when I entered the room.

It bugged the hell out of me. I didn’t like being noticed as what I really was unless I wanted someone to notice what I really was.

I didn’t even try to hold up the Shame mask for the Hounds. They’d see right through it.

Instead I just sort of gave them all a nod and pointed at Sid’s plate. “You’d better have left some scraps behind for the rest of us.”

“With your mother in the kitchen?” Sid said with a smile. “The entire city won’t go hungry for a week.”

Sunny just stared at me as though we had unfinished business.

And that would be because we had unfinished business.

Jesus, why had I let Terric drag me here? Weren’t prebaby birthdays supposed to be a girls-only thing?

I looked around so I could complain to him about it. He was across the room talking with Zayvion, and he glanced my way as if I’d called his name.

I hated how much we could feel each other. Hated that we were getting closer and closer every time we used magic together, no matter how much we tried to stay away from each other.

He shook his head and looked away.

My mood, which hadn’t been all that stellar to begin with, took a dive toward the nasty. Time to take my mood outside for a little nicotine therapy. I turned, digging in my pocket for a smoke.

And nearly ran into Allie Beckstrom herself.

“Hey, Shame. Long time.”

The woman was gorgeous. She’d let her hair grow so that it fell in heavy dark waves down below her shoulders. It was tucked back on one side to show the ghostly shadow of the magical marks up by her temple, at the curve of her fuller cheek, and down the side of her face.

“Al,” I said as I tapped a cigarette out of the pack, “you’re looking beautiful, love.”

She raised her eyebrow. “Beautiful for a two-ton freighter?”

I pulled out my lighter and gave her the full up-and-down. She had on slacks and a flowing blue and green shirt that didn’t try to hide the swell of her belly. Seeing her, carrying life, cradling the life she and Zayvion had created, caught me flat-footed. I didn’t have it in me to lie.

“Beautiful, as in absolutely lovely, darlin’. Zay’s a lucky man, and I couldn’t be happier for you both.”

A deep shade of pink raced across her cheeks and she avoided eye contact for a second.

“You can be such a charmer when you want—you know that, Shamus?” she asked.

“Please.” I pressed my fingers against my chest. “I am always a charmer. I meant every word. You’re a stunner. If you ever get tired of Jones, you let me know.” I gave her a wink, which just made her blush harder.

She didn’t usually wear her emotions out in the open like this. Which made flustering the woman irresistible.

“You know you’d like it,” I singsonged.

“You think?” She tipped her chin up a bit and gave me a sly look. “This”—she pointed to herself—“you couldn’t handle if you tried. And there’s no smoking in the house, remember? Ashtrays are on the porch.”

“Right. I’ll be back, then. Do start the party without me.”

I took a step past her, but she reached out and pressed her fingers gently on my arm.

Suddenly it was hard to breathe.

“Don’t leave, Shame. Please. I want to talk to you after the party.”

And even though she looked soft and radiated life, the old toughness was right behind those pale green eyes.

I licked my lips and gently pulled my arm away. “Something wrong?”

She shook her head. “Later. Be here, okay?”

“It’s been a while since you ordered me around. Even longer since I listened to you.”

“You miss it,” she said.

“As if.” But yeah, I did. We’d had good times. We’d almost died; hell, I had died, but still, things were never boring when Allie Beckstrom was around.