Remember Yesterday

42

Twenty-four hours later, the air whispers across the nape of my neck. My robe is cinched tightly around my waist. I’ve gone over the events of that ill-fated day so many times I’ve got the entire schedule memorized down to the minute.

Logan’s been telling me stories for years about what happened on Callie’s last day. But I had to be sure. I couldn’t leave anything to guesswork. So I holo-called Logan and asked him to run down the day’s events again, making up some story about how I wanted to memorialize the day in my journal.

I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. Besides, I’m used to going on adventures. Sure, this will be the first time my escapade takes me across time. The first time I’m without my usual sidekick, Ryder. But this is nothing new for me. In fact, you could say all my other exploits were just a preparation for this one.

Doesn’t mean my heart’s not trying to race out of my chest.

“Relax, Jessa,” Tanner says. He’s wearing a similar robe, and I can see his bare collarbone. “Preston says it’s more difficult to push a stressed body through time.”

I roll my eyes. I was there, right along with Tanner, when my dad gave us those instructions. In fact, that’s precisely why we’re waiting in the mudroom. My dad doesn’t want us to go into the living area of the cabin, where the time machine is located, until the very last moment. Something about not wanting to elevate our heart rates.

Too late.

I press my hand against my chest. “Gee, thanks for the reminder. Have any brilliant ideas on how to make me more relaxed?”

“As a matter of fact, I do.” He shifts closer, his eyes as bright as solar flares.

I can’t help it. My mind knows I’m mad at him, but my body automatically leans closer, too.

“You’re freaking out about us seeing each other naked for the first time,” he says, his tone placid and reasonable. “So I say we go ahead and take off our clothes, in the privacy of this room. Without your parents looking on. Without something as heavy as a mission hanging over us. Then you won’t have anything to be nervous about. Am I right?”

I blink. He can’t possibly be serious.

He puts his hand on the knot of his belt and begins to loosen it.

Oh. Dear. Fates. He is serious.

“Wait,” I screech, lunging over to him and holding his robe closed. “That won’t make me feel better at all.”

“It would make me feel better,” he whispers.

My hands are on his chest, so I can feel his heart sprinting. In a race, it would rival mine. His lips are inches away. If required, I could reproduce their shape on a holo-screen. His hot breath mixes with mine, and if I lean forward just a little bit, we’d be kissing.

“Will you ever forgive me, Jessa?” Tanner asks, breaking the spell. Bringing me back to myself. “I messed up. I failed to see the bigger picture.” He moves his shoulders, as helpless as the little boy who lives inside him, the one who lost his parents and was raised by an institution. “I was doing the only thing I knew. The only thing I was taught. Everything for the sake of science. Progress is life, and life is progress. That motto was hardwired into me when I was a kid, and so, I invented future memory without thinking about the consequences. Without thinking about your sister or the future. I know better now, and I’m sorry.”

I take a breath and slowly release it. A part of me weakens, that soft underbelly of my soul that has yet to be scarred by tragedy. That part wants to hold him tight because we’re in this life together, this sucky, sucky life where people die and the chairwoman rules.

Tell him you forgive him, that voice inside me pleads. You’re about to leave on a highly dangerous trip through time. Hasn’t your father’s example taught you anything? You may never get this chance again. Tell him now.

I let go of his robe and take a step back, gathering my courage. “I…forgive you. I believe you couldn’t have known. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. But you did, and that means we can’t pretend it never happened. We can’t go back to before.”

“I wouldn’t want to,” he says softly. “Our mistakes are as much a part of our lives as anything else. We have to embrace them, to learn from them in order to grow. I don’t want to go back, but I’d like to start over. Could you give me another chance? Pretend we’re just now meeting each other? I promise I’ll be less obnoxious this time around.”

I look at him, this boy who’s been in my class but whom I really didn’t know for years. He infuriated me from our first conversation at the hoverpark. And yet, with each passing day, he peeled away the layers of his confidence and arrogance, bit by bit, to show me his true heart. Would I forget everything I’ve seen just because he made a mistake? In a world where we can’t change our past without significant consequences, would I throw away our future?

Fike, I’ve made mistakes, too. Just ask my mom. And yet, she continues to love me.

I take a deep breath. “I’ll try,” I say. That’s the very best I can give him at this moment.