Radiance

“Calliope the Carefree Callowhale” PSA

PROPERTY OF THE BBC LUNA, RKO, AND CAPRICORN STUDIOS

FIRST AIRDATE: 28 FEBRUARY, 1930

VOICE-OVER: VIOLET EL-HASHEM AND ALAIN MBENGUE

[CALLIOPE THE CAREFREE CALLOWHALE dances onscreen. She is a joyful, animated character, all cheerful lines and unthreatening colours: a stylized whale, halfway between orca and beluga with a little happy humpback thrown in. Her palette is turquoise, azure, and navy blue, with big cerulean eyes framed by long lashes and purple eye shadow. The BBC shelled out heavily to Edison Corp. for the colour animation.

CALLIOPE bounces on her clownish tail in a field of sunflowers and magenta begonias. A fountain of healthy, nourishing callowmilk spurts continually from her blowhole.]

CALLIOPE

HI, KIDS! I’m Calliope the Carefree Callowhale! I’m here to remind all you growing boys and girls to DRINK YOUR MILK!

[MARVIN THE MONGOOSE (courtesy Capricorn Studios) marches in from the left-hand side of the frame. He wears a jaunty cap.]

CALLIOPE

Hello, Marvin! What have you been up to?

MARVIN

Nothing much, Callie! Only defeating the dastardly Crikey the Cobra with my lightning-quick fists! And I couldn’t have done it without a tall glass of callowmilk for breakfast! It’s got everything I need to keep me strong!

CALLIOPE

Righty-ho! Now, I’ve heard that some parents won’t let their kids have callowmilk. They think I’m full of toxins and mutated protein strands. That hurts my feelings! [Giant tears with rainbows reflecting in their surfaces fall from her eyes.] Those meanie mumsies say I make babies come out all funny-looking! But I’m a good whale. I just want everyone to be happy and healthy! [She continues to weep. The sunflowers and begonias wilt.]

MARVIN

But Calliope, if kids don’t drink their callowmilk, how will they ever have amazing adventures in space, like me?

CALLIOPE

That’s just it, Marvin! They’ll miss out on all the fun! I hate seeing children not having fun with their friends, don’t you?

MARVIN

Sure do!

CALLIOPE

That’s why I’m asking all of you to join my club, Calliope’s Kids! Just get your mum and dad to send the BBC a self-addressed stamped envelope and proof of a year’s worth of callowmilk purchases and, and I’ll send you a badge, colouring book, super-secret Venusian decoder ring, and this spiffy hat that will let everyone know that YOU’RE one of Calliope’s Kids, my very special friends! [The flowers spring back to life. Calliope does a somersault in the air and lands in a blue ocean. Marvin salutes her from a raft. He is wearing a pirate hat, an eye patch, and a Calliope’s Kids badge.]

MARVIN

And if your parents are fans of How Many Miles to Babylon?, just tell them to include a letter telling us their favourite character and we’ll throw in a neato plush callowhale and a signed photo of the cast!

CALLIOPE

Golly! I can’t think of a reason not to be my friend! And friends look after each other, right, Marvin?

MARVIN

Right! So let’s go get that wicked old Cobra King together!

CALLIOPE

You got it! [She somersaults over MARVIN’S raft, catching the sunlight in her fins. Cue theme music, freeze frame, and fade out.]