Perfection

Chapter 28

"It's over," Zoe said, again.

"Uh huh," Trevor said, not really paying attention to her as the stubborn man carefully placed a tray on her lap. "My aunt dropped some food off last night, but you were asleep and my uncles and cousins were here to help out and everyone got hungry," he said with a shrug.

"So they dropped off more food, but unfortunately you slept all day and I got hungry and you made me nervous because you slept so damn much," he said accusingly like she'd fallen asleep the second Jason placed her on Trevor's lap in the back seat of Jared's car and hadn't woken up until about twenty minutes ago on purpose.

At first she'd been a little confused to find herself in Trevor's bed, but the dull pain in her head and the memory of what happened in the emergency room helped her wake up pretty damn quickly. Although she had absolutely no idea in hell what she was going to do, she knew she wanted to figure things out privately in her own apartment where she could freak out and this was definitely a moment to freak out.

What the hell was she going to do now? she wondered, worrying her bottom lip. She was in a nonexistent relationship, well, was. That was over so she'd probably have to move out soon and that would take up a chunk of the money she'd saved. Thank god she hadn't gone through with her vacation plans because then she'd really be screwed, even more that is.

At least she had a good paying job and health insurance for a little while longer, but once the babies came she couldn't really expect Jared to hold her job for her, especially since she'd probably be out of commission for quite some time.

Twins.

When she messed up, she really messed up. Instead of just getting knocked up she really got knocked up. She was either going to end up living in her car, which was barely running these days or be stuck on welfare and that was a dead end she refused to go. She wasn't going to end up like her mother and her kids were not going to end up in foster care because she had no choice.

No matter what she would not be losing her babies, she decided as she pressed a hand to her stomach, whishing she could feel some kind of proof that they were really there. It would be nice to feel some kind of connection to her babies so she could draw strength from them to do what she needed to do. She'd tell Trevor about them, but she wasn't expecting much from him as far as she was concerned.

Oh, she knew he'd take care of the babies and they'd never want for anything, but she wasn't so sure she'd survive being forced to see him every time he came to see the babies and she knew damn well the man wouldn't be able to stay away from his children. She would never stop him, but when he started to date again or god help her, decided to get married it would kill her.

There were a lot of things she knew she could force herself to survive, but seeing Trevor with another woman wasn't going to be one of them. It would be too difficult knowing that she'd never be good enough to be the woman that Trevor wanted. She'd always be the plain woman that he'd slummed with and got pregnant.

"But I did find a can of chicken noodle soup in the kitchen so we're in luck," Trevor said, oblivious to her pathetic musings as he lifted the cover off the tray.

Zoe opened her mouth to tell him that she wasn't hungry and that she was leaving when the aroma of chicken broth hit her hard. Gagging, she covered her mouth with both hands as she struggled to get away from the tray.

Thankfully Trevor had the good sense to grab the tray and rush it out of the room so that she could run to the bathroom. She stumbled towards the bathroom, praying she wouldn't have a repeat of the other day and quickly made it to the bathroom where she dry heaved for a minute before her stomach finally gave up.

After using the bathroom and brushing her teeth, because she felt pretty gross, she decided it was time to go home.

"I'm sorry, baby. I should have given you your pill before you tried to eat," Trevor said, walking into the bathroom, carrying a glass in one hand and a small pile of pills in the other.

He handed the pills over to her. "The small one is your nausea pill. The doctor said that should take care of it, but if it doesn't your doctor can give you a stronger prescription when you see him on Monday."

She didn't need to ask him what the other pills were for since she remembered the doctor telling her that he was sending her home with some low dose pain killers that were safe for the babies and prenatal vitamins. Needing a moment, she took the pills and swallowed them.

"Thank you," she said, feeling a little nervous as she handed him the glass.

The silence that followed was a bit awkward and telling. Worrying her bottom lip, she looked up and met his eyes. "You know, don't you?"

"That you're carrying my love child?" he asked, smiling softly. "Yes."

"Oh," she said, wishing they didn't have to have this conversation right now, but there really was no point in putting it off. "Then you know that this doesn't change anything, don't you?"

"I know," he said, shrugging it off like it was no big deal and gently ushering her to the side of the decent size bathroom.

Weren't guys usually more upset about this kind of thing? she wondered as she watched him start the shower.

"You're not upset?" she asked, wondering if maybe she'd imagined the whole thing. The idea upset her. She may not have known about the babies for very long, but she wanted them. It would be nice to finally have someone to belong to.

"Upset?" he asked, throwing her a frown over his shoulder. "Why would I be upset?"

"Because we're having a baby," she said slowly, wondering if maybe he'd suffered a head injury while she'd been out. It was possible. There was a lot of ice on the ground after all. Maybe while he was walking outside with the dogs he-

"I'm hoping for a girl," he announced the same way he'd ask her for extra snacks in his lunch.

"A girl?" she asked, not because she didn't love the idea of having a little baby girl to buy pretty pink things for, but because she was actually getting a little nervous here. Never in a million years would she have imagined the man who didn't want a real relationship with her to be happy having a child with her, a child that would bind them for life.

"Yeah, I kind of like the idea of having a little girl to spoil," he admitted with a careless shrug. "I'll even let you name her," he offered magnanimously. "But if it's a boy I'm naming it," he said, shooting her a look of warning. It was the same one he shot her when she wanted to name Max, Percival so that she could call him Percy.

"Gee, that's really generous of you," she said dryly.

"I know," he said breezily, making her roll her eyes. The man was nothing if not arrogant. She watched as he yanked off his tee-shirt and tossed it in the hamper and thought that a shower was a pretty good idea, especially since she'd worn the same shirt for two days.

She looked down at her shirt and frowned. "Um, what happened to my Red Sox tee shirt?" she asked as she looked down at Trevor's favorite Yankees tee-shirt.

"Oh, we burned that."

"You burned my shirt?" she practically shrieked. She'd loved that shirt. It was really cute with its bubbled lettering and cartoony baseball.

"Uh huh, we even took a vote."

"You voted to burn my shirt?"

"Yup."

"Seriously?" she asked, wondering if he was kidding.

"It was a real family bonding moment. There were tears and hugs and everything."

"But I loved that shirt. It was cute," she said, knowing she was pouting, but she really couldn't help it.

"That one's cuter," he said, pointing at the shirt she was wearing.

"Not really." And it wasn't. There were no bubbly letters or cartoonish-like drawings on this shirt. It had a big Y over an equally big N. How exactly was that cute?

"Well, we'll get the baby a few Yankees onesies and I'm sure you'll at least find those cute," he said, yanking his pants off.

"Actually I was planning on getting the this cute little pink Red Sox uniform I saw-"

He practically growled, "You wouldn't."

"I would."

He narrowed his eyes on her and she knew that if she ever tried he'd spank her ass, which meant she'd have to dress the baby up in cute Red Sox gear when he wasn't around and of course she would probably do it just to piss him off when he started dating.

"Look," she said, gesturing to the door, "I'm going to go now. I need to go home and figure some things out."

"Like what?" he asked, chucking his boxers and making it kind of difficult to focus.

"Umm, things?" she asked, admittedly distracted.

"Do they involve the baby?" he asked casually.

"Yes."

"Okay," he nodded slowly. "We can discuss the baby in here," he said, pulling back the shower curtain and gesturing for her to enter.

"Or we could just wait until later," she said, taking a step towards the door.

"Either you strip out of that shirt and get your ass in here, Zoe, or I'm going to toss you in there. Your choice," he said firmly, probably thinking that she'd just do whatever he wanted, but he really should have known better.

"We'll talk later," she said, turning her back on him and heading for the door only to find Trevor blocking her way. For a big man he moved pretty quickly, she thought, backing up as he stalked towards her.

"Okay, fine. We'll talk now," she said quickly, knowing there really was no choice in the matter, but trying to appear like she had a say.

"After you," he said, gesturing once again towards the shower.

With a small sigh she pulled her shirt and panties off and tossed them on the hamper and stepped into the shower. "We're just talking, Trevor. Nothing more and I'm only going along with this because I need a shower and I don't want to wait an hour for the water to heat up again."

"Whatever you say," he murmured in agreement as he stepped in behind her.

She stepped beneath the shower spray, already cringing at the prospect of her stitches stinging. When they didn't, sting that is, she felt herself relax and enjoy the hot water. She felt the tension leave her body and almost sagged with relief. The only thing better would be a bath, but she wanted to get clean more than she wanted to relax.

"Step back," Trevor murmured as he gently gripped her shoulders and pulled her back until she was leaning against his chest and halfway out of the water. "Close your eyes."

She was about to argue, but decided to save her energy. They had a lot to discuss and probably argue and she wasn't about to start over something so petty. Besides, the man had some very talented fingers and she'd always loved the way he took care of her.

When he started massaging shampoo into her hair she'd barely been able to bite back a moan of pleasure, but she hadn't been able to stop herself from sagging back against him. Without a word he put his arm around her to support her while he continued to massage shampoo into her hair. When she felt the hand on her stomach gently caress where their babies were she nearly cried at the sweet gesture.

Five minutes later she felt refreshed and more than ready to face what needed to be done. She just wished she knew where to start.

"We probably should talk," she said, hoping he'd start them off so that she had some idea of what he was thinking. Other than apparently being happy about the baby, well, he didn't know they were having twins and she should probably tell him at some point, but for right now she needed to have some idea of where he stood.

"Okay," he said, reaching past her to shut the quickly cooling water off. "What do you want to talk about?"

She should have known it wasn't going to be easy, she thought as she stepped out of the tub and wrapped a large fluffy towel around herself. As much as she would love to put this off and go drown her sorrows in a pint of ice cream, and yeah she could do that and not feel guilty about it now, she needed to get things settled between them so that there were no misunderstandings. She also wanted to be able to say that they were friends since the thought of not being able to tolerate each other wasn't exactly helping her stomach.

"Okay," she said, deciding that this conversation was probably best held in the bedroom where she could get space. She walked into his room and did her best to stay away from the bed while she wrapped her arms tightly around her body for comfort, "This is probably where I should tell you that I'll be moving out."

"What else?" he asked, barely looking at her as he dried off and pulled on a pair of boxers and jeans.

"The arrangement is over," she said, a little hurt that he hadn't at least argued about her leaving. Not that it would have made a difference, but it would have been nice to know that he at least liked having her around.

"I know. I came to the same conclusion the other day," he said with an indifferent shrug.

"Oh," she said, feeling like an idiot. Of course it was no big deal for him. This had never been more than an arrangement for him and now it was over and true to his word he was walking away without a care. Granted neither one of them had predicted that they'd be ending this with a pregnancy, but it was over nonetheless.

It was fine. More than fine. She'd known coming into this thing that there wouldn't be a future. She could handle that. It was more than fine with her, she thought as she contemplated storming over to him and kicking him in the shin for breaking her heart.

"Then I guess there's not much else to discuss right now," she said, deciding she'd tell him about the twins later. Right now she wanted to go feel sorry for herself in the privacy of her own home.

"I'll just be going then," she said, gesturing towards the door.

"Okay."

"Well, thanks," she said lamely, "for taking care of me and everything."

"Not a problem," he said, giving her his back as he pulled a shirt on.

"Okay then, bye," she mumbled, heading for the door and wondering just how long it would take for her broken heart to heal and surprising herself by not regretting a single moment with him.

Of course the little bonfire she had planned for his Yankees shirt would probably make her feel marginally better.