Pandemonium

Lew watched the women leave. “Mom’s been telling us some wild stuff,” he said.

“It’s all true,” I said.

He grimaced. “Maybe not. You’ve had some crazy shit go down, and it’s easy to get confused, to jump to conclusions.”

“Yeah.” I coughed, cleared my throat.

A minute passed. “Shit,” Lew said.

“He’s still here,” I said. “The little kid.”

Lew nodded. “That’s what Mom said.”

“You’re going to have to start all over,” I said. “Dad’s gone now, and Mom’s too old to do this on her own. You and Amra are going to have to help.”

Lew looked stricken. “What are you talking about?”

“I can’t stay, Lew. I’m barely holding on here.”

“Oh Jesus.” He pushed himself to his feet. “You can’t just . . .” He walked to the window.

“The last time, he woke up screaming. He was freaked out, that’s all. He was surrounded by strangers. Just hold him down, keep talking. He’ll recognize you. I know he’ll recognize you.”

“This is bullshit,” he said. “This is total bullshit.”

“Lew.” He finally looked at me. “Come here. Come on.” He walked toward me. “Put your hands on my shoulders. That’s it.”

He leaned over me. His hands gripped my biceps. “Like this?” he said.

“Harder.”

“I don’t think I can do this,” he said. His tears were running into his beard. “You’re a lot bigger than you used to be. I just had a heart attack a couple weeks ago.”

“You big baby,” I said through gritted teeth. “You’re saying I can take you now?” Del threw himself against my skull. I grunted, closed my eyes.

The Black Well blossomed above me. Bobby Noon was dead, but the network of souls, the well’s myriad tunnels, remained. I’d been born somewhere in that dark.

At the bottom of Harmonia Lake I’d relearned the secret of jumping. All you have to do is break this habit of breath and blood. Take everything and everyone you love, and throw them away. All you have to do is die.

Lew yelled, “Mom! Amra! We need you!”

“Shut up,” I said. “And hold on.”