Out of the Darkness

chapter 27

Far, far away from it all…

The female Centauri lay on her deathbed.

The women who tended her were moving around like moths, flitting about, dabbing her head that was burning with fever, trying to keep liquids in her, and taking care of her needs. She did not pay attention to any of them, did not seem to know that any of them were there. She stared at the ceiling, although since her eyes were glassy, it was difficult to know just how much she actually saw.

In a way, it seemed that she was not looking at the ceiling… but through it. Through it to a place lightyears away, to events that she could not see, could not possibly know about… and yet, somehow, she did…

The moment G’Kar felt the fingers tighten on his throat, he knew there was no backing out. He knew that he was in the fight of his life… a fighter his life. But he wasn’t looking at Londo as he redoubled his efforts to crush the emperor’s throat. His focus was entirely on the eye that was peering back at him… the single, unblinking eye.

He saw terror in it, and from that terror, he drew strength.

Harder, Londo! Save us! Save us! We do not want to die!

Londo saw the fearsome red eye of G’Kar, and it was looking to his side. He realized that, at the last, G’Kar’s battle was not with him, but with the thing on his shoulder. Londo’s mind was almost detached from what was happening. In a way, it was symbolic. The keeper was the incarnation of all the dark, background forces that had made Londo their puppet for so many years.

And even as he thought that, his efforts increased, his death grip on G’Kar’s throat redoubled. Strength flowed from the panic that the keeper fed into him, and he wanted to scream Faster, G ‘Kar! Faster! End it before it ‘s too late! But he could say nothing, for his windpipe was already crushed. He had no chance, and still he fought on.

Londo! You can stop him! You can kill the Narn and we can live on, and it will be much better, you will have more time for yourself, we can do this thing for you, we will treat you better, and the Drakh will make things better, love us, Londo, stop him!

Londo had heard that, when one is dying, one’s life flashes before one’s eyes…

As G’Kar’s fingers burrowed deeper, his mind further disassociated, and he waited, and saw nothing… and there was still nothing, and time stretched out and continued to warp around him and there was nothing…

Nothing…

Londo… fight… fight… help us… Shiv’kala… Drakh, masters of shadow, help us… do not flee, do not run, help us, help your servants…

Words… so many words…

It was incredible to G’Kar. He had been a warrior, with no patience for words, and yet words had become his weapon, cutting more deeply than any blade, smashing down more doors than any strength of arm. Words, words came floating back to him…

No one here is exactly what they seem…

I did not fight to remove one dictator just to become another myself…

There s someone else out there, Na’Toth…

The future isn’t what it used to be…

These and hundreds of others tumbled around, fighting to be noticed, to be remembered and treasured and cherished one final time, one final moment before sliding off into oblivion.

He shoved forward, tumbling to the floor, his hands still wrapped around Londo’s throat, his eye still fixed on the malevolent creature staring back at him. He desperately wanted to hear the mouthless creature scream. He thought, in some way, he actually heard it doing so. Not hear it… feel it… Feel it… feel it all…

Feel the agony of seeing his father hanging from a tree, telling his son with his dying breath that he was proud of him…

Feel the warmth of the blood splattering on him… the blood of the first Centauri he killed… Feel the pain of Delenn’s gravity rings crushing him… Feel the loss, the humiliation, the betrayal of his people at the hands of Londo Mollari…

Feel the ignominy of being forced from the council after the Narn had fallen… and the swell of desperate pride as he made his exit speech… Feel the agony of the eye being torn from his face… that was as nothing compared to Cartagia’s lash upon his back…

Feel the momentary glory of triumph, breaking free of his bonds in Cartagia’s throne room, seeing the shock of his Centauri captors as they realized just what it was they were facing…

Feel the serenity of his writings…

Feel the friendship for Londo that he never thought could occur…

Feel the pride in accomplishment… the softness of a woman’s skin pressed against him… the smell of fresh air… the warmth of a sunrise… the coolness of a sunset… the hands around his throat… the pain… receding… the job… not done… not quitting… wetness… on his hands, Londo’s tears flowing, sobbing at his fate, tears on G’Kar’s hands… the hand… of the king… saving the king… saving the realm… saving…

Londo! Do not stop! You can save us! The darkness… there are things in it… I am afraid of the darkness… Londo… love us… Londo… Londo…

Nothing… there was nothing… he was…

I saw nothing… not a thing…

When Kosh emerged from the encounter suit… to save Sheridan that time… Londo had been standing there… and the words, the whispered wonderment…

Valeria… Droshalla… G’Lan…

They all saw… something… and Londo, squinting against the light… saw…

I saw nothing… not a thing… Nothing… the nothingness of an empty soul… the nothingness of the damned… the nothing…

Londo! Save us… save… save…

Save… save us…

Save me…

And then…

…then the mental picture that he had snapped of that moment, buried in his head for all these years… suddenly developed… the detail fleshing in, and he saw… he saw…

…a being… a great being, with wings outstretched, looking up… no, down… down at him, smiling, and the face, a female face, flickering, shifting, and it was Adira, smiling at him, telling him that there was nothing to fear, and she stretched her hand out to him… he reached for it… and tears began to flow, tears of joy… and behind her, a beach seemed to shimmer…

Black tendrils, snared around his arm, pulling him back…

…he fought against them, the final fight, the only fight, the only one that mattered, and his fingers were almost brushing against hers…

Londo… you cannot get away… you will always be ours… you…

I will be my own man, he howled in his mind, and he lunged for her, for the warmth, for the beauty of that winged and glorious creature, and his fingers brushed against hers. The moment they did there was a crackle of energy, and it filled him, and exploded within him, and then the world turned to pure white…