Once Around the Realms

Chapter 16

Passepout was shocked, scared, and panicked all at once, and at any moment expected something horrible to happen. He put his hands up to cover his face and cried, "No!"

"Now, don't be silly," Shurleen cooed. "You see that I'm giving them back to you. After all, no matter how rich you are, rubies aren't just something that you want to throw away. Right?"

"No!" Passepout cried, now shaking his head from side to side, his hands still covering his face.

"That's what I thought," replied Shurleen, oblivious to the rotund thespian's panic. "So why don't you put these gems back in your pretty little pouch, and then you and I can get to know each other a little better."

"No!" he repeated, once again, his eyes now darting to the inn's door, expecting at any moment for some purveyor of doom to make his entrance.

"Don't be shy," she purred. "I really like actors, especially rich ones. So just give me your hand, and leave the riding to Shurleen."

Passepout's sputtering and Shurleen's purring were just then interrupted by a voice emanating from the previously silent darkness.

"Excuse, please," Chiun announced, now illuminated by the tavern table's candlelight. "Did not mean to interrupt. I am only on my way to the outhouse."

Chiun stopped by the table, where Shurleen was almost on Passepout's lap, the gems that had previously been in her hand now spread on the table to allow her fingers to attend to other matters. He looked down at the red gems that were causing Passepout his grief, and passed his hand over them, saying, "Oh, necromancer's gem. All go away."

The gems disappeared from the table as if they had just faded into thin air.

Chiun then continued on to his elected duty.

"Stop him!" Shurleen replied. "He's taken the gems."

Chiun popped his head back in for a moment, replying, "Gems now back where they belong," and ducked back out again.

"It's for the best," Passepout replied, still uneasy about the whole thing but relieved to be rid of them once again.

"But what about the gems?" she insisted, growing agitated at the thespian's immediate acceptance of the old man's actions.

"They're not important," Passepout replied, trying to steer the conversation back in the direction he thought she had been going. "You were saying something about us getting to know each other."

"You're crazy," she said, pushing him away. "That was probably a fortune in rubies."

"But they're not important," he persisted. "We…"

"Get this straight, mister," Shurleen corrected. "Now, there is no 'we.' An actor, okay, I can accept that. Fat, you can lose weight, I accept that. But someone who is crazy and throws away a fortune in gems, that I cannot accept. I am going back to bed. Alone!"

"Shurleen," Passepout begged, as she left the tavern room for a room next door.

"Let her go." Chiun, who had miraculously just materialized, stood at the thespian's side. "She is more interested in the gems than in your happiness."

"I guess you're right," Passepout answered dolefully. "I guess heiresses are like all other women."

"You speak the truth," Chiun replied, patting the thespian on the back, as Volo had done to him earlier in the evening, "but maybe not as you see it now."

"Wait a minute," Passepout replied. "How did you know that they were necromancer gems?"

"Chiun knows many things," Chiun explained, "and since you didn't touch them after you discarded them you have nothing to worry about. It is as you left them. They are back along the path upon which you dropped them."

"How did you do it?"

"Priest of Mad Monkey know many things, especially how to undo that which someone else has done," he replied.

"Can you remove the spell that has bonded Volo and myself together, or at least remove the bond that exists between us and the gems?"

"No can do," Chiun replied. "Spells are tricky as are magical gems. It is much easier to just put things back in their proper place. Nothing is changed except for the location."

Passepout just shook his head, not really comprehending what he had just heard.

"Now back to bed," Chiun instructed.

The frail old priest helped the slightly inebriated and more than slightly depressed thespian next door, and back to his mattress on the floor, the repairs on the damaged bed having to wait for morning.

The events of the previous evening and the resultant surprises created an invisible bond between the travelers, with the sole exception of an apparent glacial rift between Shurleen and Passepout.

Blackthumb reminisced over breakfast with tales of his mercenary adventures in the marine trade. There was much mutual patting on the back, and a newfound respect for the ancient priest of Mad Monkey who suffered from irregular bowels.

Volo took Passepout aside and inquired after the cause of his depression.

The thespian was torn. He didn't want the group to know of the ineptitude with which he handled Shurleen, for that would surely ruin his all-important reputation as a lady's man, while at the same time he felt a certain obligation to tell Volo of the incident involving the gems, and Chiun's remedy for the problem.

In the end, Passepout only confessed to a Moonshae ale hangover, and Volo accepted it at face value.

After breakfast was over, Blackthumb led the group to a harborside establishment where they could trade their horses for a boat that would take them to the Isles of Wa. According to the innkeeper, Pan's Sampans was the most honest establishment in the area, and the owner was a good friend of his.

"Fellow travelers of Faerun," Blackthumb introduced, "I'd like you to meet my good friend Tai, the most honest shipbuilder on the Celestial Sea."

The honorable shipbuilder bowed graciously, and, in a very Western manner undoubtedly influenced by Blackthumb's company, proclaimed, "Okay, guys. What do you wanna buy, and what do you have to sell?"

Chiun leaped to the front of the conversation.

"We want the best junk available to take us to the Isles of Wa," the old priest proclaimed, "and in exchange we will trade you the four finest steeds from all of Taan."

Tai examined the horses one at a time, scowled, and acted as if he weren't interested in the deal. "Gee, I don't know," the shipbuilder considered out loud. "I know that you're friends of Blackthumb and all, but if you ask me, these horses aren't even worth the price of a dinghy."

Chiun responded.

"Mad Monkey say, 'Honesty is the best policy' and 'A fair deal is a square deal.' "

"I guess you're right," Tai agreed. "You just bought yourself a junk."

Passepout whispered to Volo, "What do we need a junk for?"

Volo answered, "To bring us to the Isles of Wa. A junk is an oriental sailing ship."

"Oh, great," the chubby thespian responded, hoping that the cleric's cure for motion sickness was still in effect.

Though overtly rickety and obviously in need of a good coat of paint, the junk that Tai provided was more than suitable for the next leg of their journey eastward, with ample room under cover as protection against the spray of the surf.

Shurleen's iciness toward Passepout continued. Upon seeing him once again discard a red gem into the depths of the Celestial Sea, she began to rant publicly. "Do you believe that half-wit?" she fumed.

Passepout tried to ignore her, turning his attention to their young charge, who was badly in need of a change of diapers.

"Why don't you leave the guy alone?" Curtis scolded. "It's not like he's ever treated you like anything less than a queen."

"Position in society has its privileges," she countered. "Royal treatment is no less than I deserve after the way I've been treated."

"I'm sick of your wining, your complaints, and your insults," Curtis responded. "A simple thank you to us for rescuing you from the Horde, let alone to him for saving your life last night would be a pleasant change."

"How dare you!" she sputtered.

"Yes," he agreed, "how dare I!"

Curtis turned his back on Shurleen and took a seat by the chubby thespian. He proceeded to apologize for his unkind remarks of the past and to compliment Passepout on his bravery of the night before. Shurleen turned her back on the two, and fumed to the waves.

Chiun was standing by Volo at the junk's helm, the Isles of Wa just coming into view.

"Chiun, last night you said something about 'sending undead elven assassins to do a man's work is cheating,' " Volo commented.

"Yes," Chiun responded. "Elves are not native to Kara-Tur. Training them as ninjas is abhorrent. Involving them in Kara-Tur affairs is even worse."

"Who is involving them in Kara-Tur affairs, and how?"

"The corrupt shogun who desires the child dead has a patron who goes by the name of Dragon Claw, who is in reality a petty fiend. He is the arch nemesis of Mad Monkey, and the one responsible for the cheating."

"Why are he and Mad Monkey at odds?"

"Many years ago they fought a contest of fighting styles. Mad Monkey won, and an agreement was reached whereby the Mad Monkey school on the Isles of Wa would be considered a sanctuary for those wishing acceptance."

"I see," said Volo, fingering his beard.

"There are rules, of course," Chiun said, adding pointedly, "not unlike the ones you must follow in your eastward journey."

"Rules?" Volo asked innocently. "Us?"

"Requirements such as the dropping of the necromancer's gems along the way while never retracing your steps."

Volo was taken aback. "Did Passepout tell you about this?" the master traveler inquired.

"No," Chiun replied. "I saw the gems in his possession, and recognized them."

Volo was still slightly uneasy.

"Don't worry," Chiun explained. "Mad Monkey will watch out for you."

Volo was still unsure and wanted to pursue his inquiry when the old priest pointed to the largest isle.

"There is the harbor for the school. It is our destination. The place where the child will be safe."

The junk made port at an unattended dock, as per Chiun's instructions.

"You must take the child to the school at the end of the path," he instructed.

Curtis asked, "Won't you be going with us?"

Chiun shook his head, and said, "Mad Monkey say 'The needs of the young may precede the concerns of the elderly.' I will meet you there later." The old man then set off down a different path along the shore.

"Well," Volo instructed, "no time like the present to get things started. The sooner we get the kid to the school, the sooner the kid's safety will be assured."

"Mad Monkey say," Passepout jibed, " 'can't we have lunch first?'"

The entire group groaned, ignored the suggestion, and headed down the path.

After an hour's walk along the carefully slated path, the Mad Monkey school began to appear in the distance.

"Looks like we've got this kid home free!" Shurleen declared, nuzzling her charge and beginning to miss him already.

A sulphurous explosion erupted before them, blocking their path.

When the smoke cleared, they were standing face-to-face with the dreaded fiend Dragon Claw.

Dragon Claw was repulsive-fatter than Passepout, covered in scales, with the head of a dragon, and four arms, each ending in a tightly gripped hooked sword, which was the signature weapon of his school of fighting.

The scent of fire, sulphur, and brimstone was heavy in the air. The fiend let loose with four fireballs as a show of force. Each one exploded right before the travelers, leaving a scorch mark at their feet.

"Give the child to me!" the Dragon Claw demanded.

"No!" Shurleen screamed. "Over my dead body!"

"No," cried the fiend with a laugh, "that comes later, for all of you."

Dragon Claw began to bear down on the group, swords slicing through the air with lightning speed as the fiend showed off his skill before going in for the kill.

"Hey," cried a familiar but frail voice, "over here, you pustule on the Celestial Bureaucracy's rear."

Chiun had appeared, once again seemingly out of nowhere, to challenge the demon.

Chiun raised his staff, and declared, "The son of the samurai has achieved sanctuary. You can harm him no longer."

Dragon Claw laughed at the frail mortal.

"The son of the samurai will be my appetizer. You will be my supper," the fiend replied.

"You have violated the terms of our agreement by interfering with the quest of these mortals.

Their bravery has saved them, even after your otherworldly interference has threatened them. The child will receive sanctuary, and the travelers will have their journey vouchsafed."

Dragon Claw continued to laugh and crow, bolts of fire and lightning framing his awe-inspiring figure.

"I have made no agreements with mortals," the fiend replied.

"I am not mortal," Chiun replied, and with a flash of blue light, the old coot became transformed into his demigod form, even more awe-inspiring than that of Dragon Claw. "I am Mad Monkey!"

Dragon Claw growled, smoke emanating from its ears. Quickly the growl turned into a roar and the smoke into flames of purple fire. Like an on-rushing dragon, the fiend let loose a bellow of sulphurous gas and sprang at the demigod.

Raising his staff, which was also revealed now as the iron bar of power, the demigod struck the lesser fiend across its infernal countenance, knocking it out and allowing the travelers to pass with the child.

Carefully the travelers stepped around the prostrate body of the denizen of the abyss, their nostrils assaulted by the noxious fumes that emanated from its unconscious form.

On the other side of the brush behind the petty fiend was the door to the school. As the group approached, several priests came out, and took the child from the hands of Shurleen, without saying a word, they carried it into the inner sanctum of the school.

"Wait," Shurleen called. "I just wanted to say good-bye."

The demigod Mad Monkey reappeared at their side.

"They do not understand you," the demigod explained. "Common is not spoken here. It is only because I am part of the Celestial Bureaucracy that I have been able to communicate with you."

"I should have known that," Volo volunteered.

"You had other things on your mind," the demigod offered. "Though I am prohibited from transporting untried acolytes to my school, I am allowed to assist them, provided they prove themselves worthy, as indeed you have."

Mad Monkey continued his proclamation.

"The child will be safe. He will be trained as a samurai, and his father's legacy will be secured. He will not be allowed to leave the sanctuary of this citadel until he is able to protect himself. You who are not disciples of Mad Monkey cannot receive the sanctuary of my school."

"Great," Curtis replied unenthusiastically.

"Dragon Claw will awake soon. He will be angry, and though he cannot hurt Mad Monkey or his disciples, he can hurt you," the demigod confessed.

"Wonderful," Passepout remarked, thinking about just what else could go wrong at this point.

"I cannot protect you from him," the demigod explained, "but I can see that you are safely escorted from the lands in which he dwells before he awakens. I could offer you a shortcut to the east, you might say."

Mad Monkey gave Volo and Passepout a wink, overlooked by the others, to assure the two travelers that he realized the needs of their arrangements. Then with a wave of his staff, the demigod opened a hole in the fabric of reality that was the Isles of Wa.

"Go quickly," the demigod instructed, "and follow the path that lies ahead of you. Observe whatever you want along the way, but stop to talk to no one except each other. There will be a light at the far end. Go to it."

"Where will that be?" Volo asked.

"A place farther east," the demigod replied. "Now go! Time is short. Already that petty fiend Dragon Claw is drifting into consciousness."

One by one, the travelers entered the pitch-black portal until only Passepout remained with Mad Monkey.

The chubby thespian hesitated.

"You are braver than you believe," the demigod encouraged.

"Is this shortcut dangerous?" Passepout asked.

"Of course not," the demigod replied, giving the heavyset thespian a push that sent him hurtling through the portal. "It is only through the land of the dead."

The last thing Passepout heard before the darkness enveloped him was the laughter of the demigod known as Mad Monkey.

Then all went black.