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CHAPTER 079

In Congressional Hearing Room 443, while waiting for proceedings to begin, Congressman Marvin Minkowski (D-Wisconsin) turned to Congressman Henry Wexler (D-California) and said, “Shouldn’t we have stronger regulations to limit the availability of recombinant DNA technology?”

“You thinking of Sanger?”

“Well, he’s the most recent case. Where did he get his stuff, do you know?”

“On the Internet,” Wexler said. “You can buy recombinant kits from outfits in New Jersey and North Carolina. Cost a couple of hundred bucks.”

“That’s asking for trouble, isn’t it?”

“Listen,” Wexler said, “my wife gardens. Does your wife garden?”

“Now that the kids are gone? She’s a fanatic about her roses.”

“Local garden club? All of that?”

“Well, sure.”

“Plenty of gardeners who used to make hybrids by grafting cuttings onto rootstocks now use DNA kits to carry things a step further,” Wexler said. “People are making genetically modified roses all over the world. Supposedly a Japanese company has made a blue rose using GM methods. A blue rose has been a dream of growers for centuries. Point is, the technology’s everywhere, Marv. It’s in big companies, and it’s in backyards. Everywhere.”

“What do we do about that?” Minkowski said.

“Nothing,” Wexler said. “I’m not about to do anything to make your wife angry. Or mine.” He cupped his chin in his hand, in a gesture that always looked intelligent on camera. “But maybe,” he said, “maybe it’s time for a speech expressing my concern about the dangers of this uncontrolled technology.”

“Good idea,” Minkowski said. “I think I’ll give one, too.”

Prime Minister’s Fat Sells for $18,000

Next: Celebrities to Donate Fat for Charity

BBC NEWS. A bar of soap made from fat liposuctioned from Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has been sold for $18,000 to a private collector. The soap is a work of art entitled “Mani Pulite” (“Clean Hands”), made by the artist Gianni Motti, who is based in Switzerland. Motti bought the fat from a clinic in Lugarno where Berlusconi had the liposuction performed. Motti then molded it into a bar of soap, which sold at the Basel art fair to a private Swiss collector who “can now wash his hands with Berlusconi.”

Commentators noted that Berlusconi is unpopular in Europe, which may have reduced the price fetched by his fat. The fat of film celebrities would be worth significantly more. “The sky’s the limit for Brad Pitt or Pamela Anderson by-products,” said one.

Would celebrities ever sell their fat? “Why not?” said a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon. “It could be a charity thing. After all, they’re doing the liposuction anyway. At the moment we just throw the fat away. But they might as well use their fat to help worthy causes.”

Speedboat Racer Bums Around

The Butt of Many Jokes

WIRED NEWS SERVICE. Wealthy New Zealander Peter Bethune will attempt to set a world record on a speedboat powered by fat from his own backside. His eco-correct 78-foot trimaran, Earthrace, is powered entirely by bio-diesel fuel made from vegetable oil and other fats. In fact, Bethune’s bum will make only a minor contribution to the round-the-world journey. His buttocks yielded a mere liter of fuel. However, Bethune noted that he was badly bruised and said “it was a personal sacrifice” to produce the fuel.

Artist Cooks, Eats His Own Body Fat

Protests “Wastefulness” of Western Society

REUTERS. New York conceptual artist Ricardo Vega underwent liposuction, cooked his fat, and ate it. He said his purpose was to draw attention to the wastefulness of Western society. He also set aside other portions of his fat for sale, noting that this would enable people to taste human flesh and experience cannibalism. Vega did not set a price for his fat, but one art dealer estimated that it would be worth considerably less than Berlusconi’s. “Berlusconi is a prime minister,” he pointed out. “Vega is an unknown. Besides, this has already been done by the artist Marcos Evaristta, who made meatballs of his body fat.”

Marcos Evaristta is a Chilean-born artist living in Denmark. Reports that his body-fat meatballs would be auctioned by Christie’s in New York could not be confirmed as Christie’s representatives did not return phone calls.