Lost Stars

Chapter 23

Puddleshine was already up, busily sorting herbs, but Shadowpaw still lay in his nest as dawn light grew in the ShadowClan camp. He glanced up listlessly as Snowbird appeared; a thorn in her bedding had scratched her nose.

“I’ll fetch you some herbs,” he mewed, beginning to force himself to his paws.

“Oh . . . no, it’s okay,” Snowbird stammered. “Thanks anyway, but I see that Puddleshine has already got some horsetail over there.”

Shadowpaw let out a grunt and flopped back into his nest. Snowbird gave Shadowpaw a wary look as she passed him, and she seemed happy to deal with Puddleshine as he treated her and then sent her back to her warrior duties.

A trickle of cats followed Snowbird as the morning light strengthened, all of them with minor problems, and all of them reluctant to even look at Shadowpaw. Snaketooth actually let out a faint hiss, pointedly turning away. Like I care, Shadowpaw thought, watching morosely with his nose on his paws.

They’re afraid of me, he realized. And they have good reason to be. I killed Bramblestar, at the bidding of . . . who? Or what?

The day before, Tigerstar and Dovewing had tried to comfort him, but there wasn’t much that they could say. Shadowpaw could see in their faces that they too had begun to doubt his connection to StarClan. They knew StarClan wouldn’t direct him to kill a leader.

What made it worse was that Bramblestar’s sister, Tawnypelt, had barely moved since the news was brought to her. She remained crouched in the clearing even when snow started to fall, lazily dappling her tortoiseshell fur. Shadowpaw longed to comfort her, remembering how she had taken him to the Tribe of Rushing Water in the hope that they might cure his seizures. Tawnypelt had been there for him when he needed her, and now he longed to be there for her. But he knew that nothing he could say would help her now.

Grief is spreading from one end of the lake territories to the other, all because of my mistake.

Shadowpaw was still hunched in his nest, gloomily asking himself if there was anything he could have done differently, when he was disturbed by raised voices in the camp outside. He looked up, but he couldn’t rouse himself to go and find out what was happening. The voices sounded surprised rather than hostile, anyway; the camp wasn’t under attack.

Puddleshine hurried out, then reappeared a moment later. “Come on,” he urged Shadowpaw. “Some ThunderClan warriors are here, and they want to speak to you.”

Shadowpaw raised his head, as wary as if he had scented a fox in a thicket. I don’t want to speak to them.

Puddleshine must have realized his nervousness, for his expression softened. “They say they’ve come in peace, Shadowpaw; they’re not angry. And even if they were,” he added, “you’re in the heart of ShadowClan. There’s no way Tigerstar would let anything bad happen to you.”

Slowly Shadowpaw rose to his paws and shook off scraps of moss and bracken from his pelt. Confusion made his movements clumsy. Why wouldn’t ThunderClan be angry? he wondered. These are the cats whose leader I killed.

Shadowpaw ventured out of the den, blinking in the stronger light outside. Lionblaze and Fernsong were there waiting for him, with Tigerstar and Dovewing a couple of tail-lengths away. Both his parents looked tense; Tigerstar had extended his claws, as if he was ready to fight.

As soon as the ThunderClan cats spotted Shadowpaw, they stepped up to him with tails held high in the air and eyes shining with joy. Seeing them like that made Shadowpaw even more bewildered. Tigerstar and Dovewing, and the other ShadowClan cats who were beginning to gather, exchanged confused glances. They don’t know what to make of it, either.

“We’ve brought good news!” Lionblaze announced, his voice warm with happiness. “Bramblestar is alive. Your treatment worked, Shadowpaw.”

Yowls of surprise and excitement exploded from the cats standing around, while Shadowpaw caught looks of pride and respect from Tigerstar and Dovewing.

“We’re so sorry for doubting you.” Fernsong was finding it hard to make himself heard above the joyful clamor. “Maybe you can see things other cats can’t, or maybe StarClan sent you these weird messages so you would have the courage to try something no other medicine cat would have dared. We want you to know that ThunderClan doesn’t bear you any ill will.”

“Quite the opposite, in fact,” Lionblaze added.

Shadowpaw stood still, completely stunned by the praise that every cat was heaping on him. I’m not sure I really did anything. . . . It was hard to accept that StarClan really was guiding him. If they are, they’ve chosen a very odd way to do it. He was still shaken, though he tried to hide his doubts; he didn’t want to spoil the joy of the ThunderClan warriors.

“Bramblestar has called another emergency Gathering for tomorrow night,” Fernsong continued when the noise had died down. “He wants to discuss Shadowpaw’s other visions, and the way forward for all five Clans.”

Tigerstar dipped his head. “ShadowClan will be there,” he promised.

The ThunderClan warriors turned back to Shadowpaw, thanking him and congratulating him again, then took their leave. Once they were gone, his Clanmates crowded around him.

“Good job!” Sparrowtail exclaimed. “I always believed in you, you know.”

Right. And hedgehogs fly, Shadowpaw thought.

“We’re really lucky!” Snaketooth mewed. “StarClan has chosen just one cat to receive their messages—and he’s in our Clan!” Remembering how Snaketooth had hissed at him in his den, Shadowpaw felt wryly amused at how quickly the tabby she-cat had changed her opinion.

Shadowpaw bowed his head, murmuring thanks for his Clanmates’ praise, but he felt more and more uncomfortable with each passing heartbeat. As soon as he could, he escaped back to his den.

Puddleshine followed him, gazing at him with mingled curiosity and confusion. “I’m beginning to doubt myself,” he told Shadowpaw. “I examined Bramblestar, and I didn’t think there was anything to be done for him. But you—my own apprentice—saw a way. Clearly you’re the one whose paws are guided by StarClan.” Shadowpaw wanted to protest, but his mentor went on. “Your connection with them isn’t like any I’ve seen before, but I won’t doubt you again.”

A rustling sounded at the entrance to the den, and Tigerstar stepped inside. “I’d like a word with my son in private,” he meowed with a nod to Puddleshine.

Once Puddleshine was gone, Tigerstar padded up to Shadowpaw and touched noses with him. “I always knew you were special,” he announced. “We don’t know yet what your destiny is among the five Clans, but what I do know is that you will change things.”

Shadowpaw listened uneasily. He wasn’t sure that he wanted to hear what his father was telling him. Why has StarClan chosen me? Why can’t I be an ordinary medicine cat, like Puddleshine?

Tigerstar’s expression became more serious, and he rested his tail on his son’s shoulder. “Still, you mustn’t tell the other Clans about the message you received about codebreakers. Not yet, anyway,” he added hastily. “Not until we’re sure what it means . . .”

Shadowpaw glimpsed apprehension in his father’s eyes; he realized that Tigerstar was worried. He and Dovewing had broken the code. What would happen to them if the message was revealed? “I won’t,” he promised, feeling that he had no choice but to obey his father.

Relief spread across Tigerstar’s face, and he gave Shadowpaw’s ear an approving lick. “Get some rest; you’ve had a tough time,” he advised before he padded out of the den.

Shadowpaw was thankful to be left alone, but he felt more uneasy than ever. If I am the Clans’ only connection to StarClan, how can I be loyal to all of them, and to my parents, at the same time?

Shadowpaw had expected an atmosphere of rejoicing at the emergency Gathering; every cat should be glad and relieved that Bramblestar had returned from the dead, proving that StarClan had not forsaken the living Clans. Instead, as soon as ShadowClan thrust their way through the bushes into the clearing, he was aware of suspicious glances, shoulder fur rising, with here and there a hiss of hostility.

Tigerstar ignored it all, holding his head high as he crossed the clearing and leaped into the branches of the Great Oak. The other Clan leaders were already there. Cloverfoot joined the rest of the deputies on the tree roots, while Shadowpaw, with Puddleshine beside him, padded over to sit with their fellow medicine cats. He kept his head lowered, not wanting to meet any other cat’s gaze.

Once every cat was settled, Bramblestar announced, “Let the Gathering begin.”

Risking a glance upward, Shadowpaw saw the ThunderClan leader standing strong and proud at the end of a thick branch that jutted out into the clearing. This time there was enough moonlight to see him clearly: his muscular body, his sleek tabby fur and gleaming amber eyes. Shadowpaw could hardly believe that this was the same cat who had lain, scrawny and unmoving, in the snow den. The ThunderClan leader was gazing around him, his expression filled with wonder, as if he too was finding it hard to believe that he was still alive.

“I’m pleased to see you all again,” Bramblestar continued. “I’ve called this Gathering to discuss what happened to me, and the messages Shadowpaw has received from StarClan. Would any of the Clan leaders like to begin?”

“I will,” Harestar responded at once, rising to his paws on a branch a little way above Bramblestar. He gazed down at Shadowpaw, his eyes warm and appreciative. “I’m impressed with what I’ve heard,” he meowed. “I know Tigerstar believes his son has a unique connection to StarClan, and after what he did for Bramblestar, I think he might have a point.”

Shadowpaw relaxed a little when he realized he had at least one supporter from another Clan, but his belly clenched with nervousness as Kestrelflight rose to speak from the group of medicine cats. There was a doubtful expression in his eyes as he looked at Shadowpaw, then turned to address all the assembled cats.

“Does any cat think it’s strange that only ShadowClan can communicate with StarClan now?” he asked. “After all, if you think back, a lot of our problems started with ShadowClan. They allowed Darktail in, and that caused their Clan to fall apart, so that for a while they had to merge with SkyClan.”

Murmurs arose from among the SkyClan cats as Kestrelflight spoke, and a few of them cast unfriendly glances toward the warriors of ShadowClan.

Mothwing moved to join the WindClan medicine cat. “Kestrelflight has a point. And it was ShadowClan who wanted all their old territory back,” she added. “That almost caused SkyClan to leave, against the wishes of StarClan.”

Jayfeather turned toward Mothwing, the tip of his tail twitching. “What do you know?” he snapped. “You don’t really believe in StarClan, anyway.”

Gasps of horror came from the cats in the clearing. Shadowpaw looked around, realizing that none of the warriors had been aware of Mothwing’s disbelief.

Mothwing looked as if she could hardly believe Jayfeather had said this in a Gathering. “I don’t believe that’s relevant,” she hissed.

Jayfeather twitched his tail in irritation. “It couldn’t be more relevant. And it’s obvious to every cat, every time you open your mouth to talk about StarClan.”

By now all the cats were staring at Mothwing, uneasiness or plain hostility in their eyes. But Mothwing remained calm. “Actually,” she began, “as I’ve already told you, after some thought, I can no longer deny that StarClan exists. But it’s strange that they’re only communicating with Shadowpaw, who is just an apprentice.”

Clamor erupted around the clearing, some cats yowling in support of Shadowpaw, while others voiced their suspicions of him.

“He saved Bramblestar!”

“What are the other medicine cats doing for us?”

“This is all a ShadowClan plot!”

Shadowpaw squeezed his eyes shut and tried to shrink himself into the smallest space possible. He wished that he could flee out of the clearing and run back to his home in the ShadowClan camp. He hated to feel every cat’s gaze on him and listen to their voices screeching about his visions and his loyalty.

Finally he heard his father’s voice raised loudly above the rest. “Quiet! This is no time for arguments!”

Gradually the noise began to die down. As soon as he could make himself heard without yowling, Tigerstar continued. “What does it matter if Shadowpaw is the only cat who can receive messages from StarClan while the Moonpool is frozen? It’s probably because his connection to our ancestors is so strong.”

Frecklewish let out a disdainful snort. “Do you really believe that?”

“I do believe it,” Tigerstar mewed emphatically. “All I know is a leader was brought back to life. That should be enough for every cat gathered here.”

Shadowpaw relaxed a little, daring to look up again; he was grateful for his father’s support, though he could still hear uneasy muttering among the warriors.

“There is one way to settle this,” Jayfeather stated. “If Bramblestar could tell us what he saw when he visited StarClan . . .”

The gaze of every cat turned toward Bramblestar, who still stood on his branch, his head raised as he stared out above the heads of the cats assembled below. A few moments passed before he startled, seeming to notice the silence, as if he didn’t realize that every cat was waiting for him to answer a question.

“Could you tell us what you saw when you lost your life?” Jayfeather repeated. “Were you in StarClan?”

Bramblestar seemed to gather himself, as if the question needed some thought. Finally he nodded. “Yes, I’m quite sure I was.”

“Did they speak to you before you took up your next life?” Harestar asked.

“They did.”

“And what did they say?” Mistystar spoke for the first time, in a voice full of anxiety. “Did they give you any guidance you can pass on to the rest of us?”

Bramblestar turned toward her, his amber gaze unfriendly. “Mistystar, you are a Clan leader. You know as well as I do that what passes between us and StarClan is not to be spoken of to any cat. It is private, and I for one prefer it to stay that way.”

Mistystar dipped her head apologetically. “I know, Bramblestar. I’m sorry.”

“StarClan restored me,” Bramblestar went on, “and that’s all that matters, surely. And why wouldn’t they? I’m a cat who has always honored the warrior code.” His glance raked across the other leaders where they sat near him in the branches of the Great Oak. “Why are you questioning me?” he demanded.

For a few heartbeats there was an awkward silence while the other four leaders looked at one another. Shadowpaw braced himself for more argument or accusations.

“We’re not. We believe you, Bramblestar,” Leafstar meowed eventually, speaking for them all. “But—”

“Then, for now, we accept that Shadowpaw is our connection to StarClan,” Bramblestar continued, cutting off whatever Leafstar would have said. “At least until the ice on the Moonpool thaws.”

Murmurs of relief arose from the warriors in the clearing. Most of them seemed glad that a decision had been reached, though Shadowpaw was still aware of a few mistrustful looks.

He was hoping that the Gathering might end now, so that he could get away from the crowd, when Tree rose to his paws from where he sat among a group of SkyClan cats.

“Other cats besides medicine cats get visions too,” he pointed out. “We shouldn’t assume they’re making it up if they say they’ve received a message from StarClan. And it doesn’t mean that they’re dangerous.”

Why does Tree have to bring this up now? Shadowpaw wondered. He caught the eye of the apprentice Rootpaw, who was sitting beside his father. He could see that Rootpaw was giving his chest fur a few embarrassed licks, even though most other cats were for once grunting in agreement with Tree.

But Shadowpaw couldn’t forget that Tree was one of the cats he had seen in his vision of the codebreakers. Maybe StarClan isn’t as okay with “different” cats as we are.

“Thank you, Tree,” Bramblestar mewed. His tone suggested that he didn’t want to hear any more from the SkyClan tom. “And now we must discuss the way forward. Shadowpaw, you had a vision about darkness in the Clans. Is there any more you can tell us?”

A deadlier cold than the chilly air of leaf-bare crept over Shadowpaw. He hadn’t wanted even to think about this now, let alone in front of so many other cats. Besides, Tigerstar had ordered him not to say anything about his vision of the codebreakers. “No,” he lied, staring at his paws. “That’s all I know.”

“Then can any cat suggest what a ‘darkness within the Clans’ might be?” Bramblestar continued. He glanced in Shadowpaw’s direction, and Shadowpaw stared at his paws, suddenly cold. He can’t know, can he?

After the moment had passed, Shadowpaw looked up to see the Clan leaders exchanging bewildered glances. “I could have answered that when Darktail was among us,” Mistystar responded at last. “But he’s gone now, and good riddance. Unless any Clan has taken in rogues or loners since we last met?”

“Like we’re that stupid,” Tigerstar muttered.

“Has any cat seen traces of the Dark Forest cats?” Harestar asked. “Would they dare to attack us again?”

“I doubt it,” Kestrelflight, the WindClan medicine cat replied. “They learned their lesson in the Great Battle. And in any case, that wouldn’t be a darkness within the Clans.”

Shadowpaw began to breathe more freely, hoping that the whole question could be set aside, when Mosspelt, a RiverClan elder, heaved herself to her paws.

“I wonder if this message has something to do with the warrior code,” she began. “Bramblestar is right; he is a cat who has always honored it. But not every cat follows the code as strictly as they could. Not like it was in my younger days . . .” Breathing heavily, she sat down again.

Shadowpaw forced himself not to flinch as Mosspelt’s words struck at the heart of the truth. Mosspelt is wise. . . . He stole a look at his father, and saw that Tigerstar had grown utterly still.

“A good point, Mosspelt.” Bramblestar dipped his head respectfully to the RiverClan elder. “That does sound like a possibility.”

“Then does any cat want to confess to breaking the warrior code?” Harestar asked, gazing out across the crowd of cats. “Maybe if we admit our wrongdoing, it will ease the way back for StarClan.”

Shadowpaw spotted many of the cats giving one another uneasy glances, but no cat spoke up. He could feel the tension in the clearing as if a thunderstorm were about to break. The silence was deafening.

“Well, then,” Bramblestar continued, when several moments had passed, “does any cat know of another cat who has broken the warrior code? Would you like to name that cat?”

Yowls of outrage rose in the clearing at the ThunderClan leader’s words. Mistystar’s voice cut through the clamor; her blue eyes were like chips of ice as she glared at Bramblestar.

“What are you trying to get at?” she demanded. “Do we want to live in Clans where cats throw accusations around?”

While she was speaking, Shadowpaw noticed that Bramblestar’s sister, Tawnypelt, was staring at her littermate, mingled betrayal and shock showing in her face. Shadowpaw remembered the story Dovewing had told him in the nursery, of how Tawnypelt had been born in ThunderClan but had left it to join her father, the first Tigerstar, in ShadowClan. She changed Clans, just like Dovewing, Shadowpaw realized. That makes her a codebreaker, too. But is Bramblestar really encouraging some cat to report his sister?

“Not at all,” Bramblestar responded to Mistystar, his eyes wide and innocent. “All I want is to drive out the darkness that is threatening the Clans. And how can we do that, if we can’t even speak about it openly?” He paused and then continued, his tone deeper and more serious. “All of us keep talking about our connection with StarClan being broken by the cold, as if we’re assuming we’ll hear from our warrior ancestors again when the Moonpool thaws. But how do we know that will happen? It hasn’t been long since they told us they wanted us to draw closer to them. Have we done that? Have we even tried? What if StarClan isn’t ignoring us because of the cold? Who’s to say they haven’t turned away from us because too many cats aren’t following the code anymore? Maybe this ‘darkness’ is what has severed us from StarClan. Maybe that’s what’s causing this dreadfully cold leaf-bare.”

Tigerstar was gazing at Bramblestar, and Shadowpaw was alarmed at how meek his voice sounded, as if he was frightened even to speak. “Is that what StarClan told you when you lost your life?”

Bramblestar looked up at the dark sky, his muzzle twisted as if he was pondering what to say. “What StarClan told me is no cat’s concern but mine,” he replied in a low, cool voice. “I’m just posing some questions that I feel the Clans need to consider.”

Shadowpaw felt a wave of relief that Bramblestar hadn’t been told to drive out any codebreakers—especially not Tigerstar and Dovewing—but the silence that followed still made him uneasy. Every cat seemed unsure what to do.

“Don’t forget Shadowpaw’s other vision,” Bramblestar added after a moment. “The lake of fire that destroyed the Clans. That could be telling us what will happen if we get this wrong.”

A shudder passed through Shadowpaw as Bramblestar reminded him of that terrible warning. He could see fear in the eyes of every cat as they gazed at him and then turned aside to mutter to one another.

“It makes sense that StarClan might be upset about the code being broken,” Harestar meowed at last. “We’ve had some troubled times, so maybe we’ve been more forgiving than in the past. And if that’s the case, then we’d better not be so forgiving in the future.”

“Then the only way to draw closer to StarClan is . . . what?” Mistystar added. “Find cats who are breaking the code and stop them? Punish them?” She didn’t sound as if she was looking forward to the prospect.

Shadowpaw thought that all the cats in the clearing seemed uncomfortable, too, but before any of them could argue, Bramblestar spoke again.

“We will take it one paw step at a time,” he meowed, his voice warm and reassuring. “All of you should think about the warrior code, and how it is being followed in your Clan, before we meet again at the next full moon.” He gave a swish of his tail. “The Gathering is at an end.”

As Bramblestar leaped down from the Great Oak, the meeting began to break up. Shadowpaw watched as many cats from all the Clans ran up to the ThunderClan leader, congratulating him on his recovery.

“It’s great to see you back, Bramblestar.”

“The forest wouldn’t be the same without you.”

Bramblestar seemed uncomfortable with all the attention, shifting his paws and flattening his ears. “There’s no need for grown warriors to act like excitable kits.” His voice was a low growl. “Have you never seen a leader come back from the dead before?”

He thrust his way through the crowd and headed toward the tree-bridge, followed by his Clanmates.

Shadowpaw spotted his mother and father looking uneasily at each other—and more ShadowClan cats looking uneasily at them. He knew that his parents had broken the warrior code by becoming mates, because they were from different Clans. My very existence breaks the warrior code, he thought miserably. But if that were true, Shadowpaw added to himself, then why would StarClan have chosen him to save Bramblestar?

He knew that he ought to feel happy, even triumphant, because of the way he had helped ThunderClan. Instead, as he trailed after his parents on their long march back to ShadowClan territory, all he could feel was apprehension.

What have I done?