Lost Stars

Chapter 13

Shadowpaw shivered as he padded behind Puddleshine down the spiral path to the Moonpool. He could see every breath the other cats took, misting the air above their heads, but he knew that the chill he felt was not only because of the snow. There’s something in the air, and it isn’t right.

He and Puddleshine were the last cats to arrive at the Moonpool meeting, and Shadowpaw realized at once that the others were wary of him. The only ones not to glance at him suspiciously were Alderheart, who greeted him kindly, and Puddleshine, who stayed close to him as they took their places beside the pool.

Shadowpaw didn’t know if the other medicine cats had lost their trust in him because of his ominous message or because they believed he had lied at the Gathering about his vision. Or maybe they think ShadowClan is up to something? Whatever the reason, Shadowpaw had never felt so uncomfortable at a half-moon meeting.

Shadowpaw almost dreaded looking at the Moonpool, and when he did, he could see that frost had spread across its surface, covering the water in a sheen of icy blue. It looked as solid as rock. Surely no cat has seen anything like that before!

The other cats, too, were casting uneasy glances at the frozen surface, and none of them seemed quite sure how to conduct the meeting. Kestrelflight was the first to clear his throat and begin to speak.

“We have a little catmint beginning to grow back, in spite of the frost,” he reported. “But it won’t flourish unless the weather gets warmer. Cats are bound to get sick, and times ahead will be tough.”

Willowshine dipped her head in agreement. “Most of the Clan cats are focused on the lack of prey,” she mewed. “But we medicine cats have to look beyond our immediate needs.”

A murmur of assent rose from the rest of the cats. “Sick cats can’t hunt, so there’ll be even less prey,” Alderheart added.

An uncomfortable silence fell again, broken by Jayfeather, who asked the question that Shadowpaw knew must be on all their minds. “Has any cat received a message from StarClan?”

All the cats shook their heads. “I dreamed about our old home in the gorge,” Frecklewish meowed. “But I’m sure it was only a dream, not a vision.”

No cat had anything to add. Shadowpaw knew that this was the time when they should be approaching the Moonpool to share dreams with StarClan, but he could see that every one of them was reluctant to make the first move.

Finally, though no cat spoke, they began to creep closer to the water’s edge, their bellies flattened to the ground as if they were stalking prey. Shadowpaw watched carefully as they touched their noses to the eerie blue surface, then followed their lead. He’d always thought he was learning the ways of medicine cats quickly, but now doubt plagued him. What if I’ve been doing it wrong this whole time? he wondered. What if that’s why StarClan isn’t meeting with us?

Shadowpaw stretched his neck out and touched his nose to the ice. He closed his eyes, waiting to catch glimpses of his warrior ancestors, or to find himself in lush grassland lit by stars, but nothing happened. When he drew back, the sky remained dark and empty. There was no sign of StarClan.

The medicine cats exchanged glances with one another, their eyes wide with dismay.

“I’m afraid this isn’t just ice,” Willowshine meowed. “StarClan has never abandoned us for this long.”

Frecklewish nodded grimly. “We have to do something.”

“We’ll have to tell the Clan leaders what is happening,” Alderheart meowed. “They have to understand how we all sense that StarClan has turned away from us. Jayfeather, I know you’ve had a bad feeling about this, and I’m beginning to think you’re right. What if we’ve angered StarClan somehow? So they don’t want us to be close to them anymore?”

Gasps and murmurs of surprise came from the other cats, and Jayfeather rolled his sightless eyes. “At last! It took you long enough.”

Alderheart ignored his Clanmate’s harsh tone. “What if our connection to StarClan is lost forever?” he mewed somberly.

Shadowpaw felt a twinge in his chest at the ThunderClan cats’ words. What if they’re right?

The twinge spread throughout his body and became a tingling feeling; Shadowpaw sensed that a nearby presence was trying to signal to him. He turned in a circle, looking for it, but he could see nothing except darkness and the cascade of icicles above the frozen Moonpool.

“What are you doing?” Puddleshine asked.

Shadowpaw looked up at his mentor. “I’m not sure,” he replied, “but I think we should wait. I sense there’s some kind of power here—something trying to get through.”

“What?” Fidgetflake exclaimed.

Willowshine lashed her tail. “What do you mean, ‘some kind of power’? Have you got bees in your brain?”

“This is ridiculous,” Jayfeather snorted. “Why should we listen to this ShadowClan apprentice? His so-called visions are nothing like the way StarClan usually makes contact with us. Does anyone find it suspicious that only ShadowClan is getting visions?”

Shadowpaw’s first reaction was to take offense at the cranky ThunderClan cat’s dismissive tone. But then he started to ask himself if Jayfeather might be right.

Then, to his surprise, Puddleshine spoke up. “Shadowpaw may be only a ShadowClan cat,” he meowed somewhat sarcastically, “as am I, but he has received important visions since he was a kit. Visions that we’ve all seen come to pass. I’m inclined to trust his instincts.”

While Puddleshine was speaking, a light snow began to fall, drifting over the cats’ fur. Jayfeather gave his pelt an irritable shake. “Snow!” he spat. “Just what the Moonpool needs!” Then he turned back to Puddleshine. “If we run after this foolish cat’s flight of fancy, where will that bring us?” he demanded. “Nowhere good, that’s for sure.”

“But we have nothing else to go on,” Puddleshine pointed out calmly. “StarClan isn’t here to guide us.”

More protests broke out at Puddleshine’s words. Shadowpaw found it hard to listen, as the familiar pressure began to build up in his head. But he sensed that the medicine cats didn’t want to argue with one another. They’re just unnerved because their connection with StarClan has been broken.

At last Frecklewish’s voice cut through the clamor. “Maybe we don’t need to see StarClan to get messages from them,” she suggested.

“What do you mean?” Alderheart asked, sounding just as confused as Shadowpaw felt.

“StarClan’s messages are all around us, in everything we see,” Frecklewish explained. “Look at the patterns in the frost as they spread across the pool. The ice is thick at the edges, but thinner as you look out toward the center. That must mean that times are hard for the Clans right now, but this leaf-bare will be over soon, and things will get back to normal.”

“That makes a lot of sense,” Mothwing commented, nodding understandingly.

Jayfeather gave a disdainful sniff. “If we start thinking like that, we’ll end up seeing signs everywhere and making up what we would like them to mean.”

Shadowpaw was inclined to agree with Jayfeather, even though he would have preferred to believe what Frecklewish said. He heard Kestrelflight break in with a heated objection, but he couldn’t go on listening, because the pressure in his head was building up until he couldn’t bear it anymore. The tingling in his body intensified. He forced his head back to gaze upward; the sky was still dark and starless, but when he closed his eyes, a series of bright images began to flash through his mind: one cat after another, as clear as if they were standing right in front of him.

As images of Twigbranch and Lionblaze flashed before him, a voice echoed inside Shadowpaw’s head. “The Clans have forgotten the code,” the voice whispered. “It has been broken time and time again, and because of the codebreakers, every Clan must pay a price. They must suffer.”

The images continued to flash through Shadowpaw’s mind, faster than before. He saw Crowfeather, Squirrelflight, Mothwing, Tree, Jayfeather . . . Each face tightened Shadowpaw’s chest and made it harder for him to breathe, until one image stopped his breath completely.

Dovewing?

His mother’s face loomed large in Shadowpaw’s mind, but he couldn’t understand why she was being shown to him. She can’t be one of the codebreakers—can she?

As swiftly as the images had come, they were gone, and Shadowpaw became aware of Puddleshine prodding him in the side. “Shadowpaw, are you listening?” his mentor demanded.

Shadowpaw shook his pelt, trying to pull himself together quickly so that none of the other cats would realize that he had just had a vision. He wasn’t even sure that was what it had been.

If StarClan isn’t communicating with the experienced medicine cats, why would they send a vision to me?

Besides, some of the cats he had seen were standing here with him now. Shadowpaw was afraid that if he told them what he had seen and heard, they would think he was accusing them of something. They already think I’m a stupid furball. What will they say if I call them out as codebreakers? It certainly won’t help!

“Yes, I—I’m listening,” he stammered. “I’ll do whatever the rest of you think is best.”

Alderheart nodded kindly at his words, while Jayfeather merely grunted, but Puddleshine gave Shadowpaw a long look from narrowed eyes. He seemed to realize that Shadowpaw wasn’t telling the whole truth, but he said nothing to challenge him.

The rest of the medicine cats didn’t make it easy for Shadowpaw either. He saw the uneasy glances they exchanged, as if they knew that something was wrong.

“You’re here to learn,” Fidgetflake pointed out, “and yet you were staring up into the sky as if you know something the rest of us don’t. What are you hiding?”

“Nothing,” Shadowpaw protested, but he sensed Jayfeather glaring at him and found it hard to meet that pale, sightless gaze. Jayfeather might be blind, but he still saw things that other cats didn’t.

But Shadowpaw wasn’t ready to tell the other medicine cats about what had happened. He still didn’t know himself what it meant. He clamped his jaws shut and turned his head away to avoid Jayfeather’s gaze.

“I think we should follow Frecklewish’s advice for now,” Mothwing meowed, changing the subject briskly. “We can’t rush StarClan, and we should stay alert for any signs they see fit to send us. And I also suggest that we say nothing more to our Clan leaders. We don’t want to panic the Clans. We must focus on getting through this difficult time together.”

Frecklewish and Willowshine purred their agreement, though there were grunts of annoyance from Jayfeather and Kestrelflight.

“And if they ask?” Kestrelflight prodded. “Do you expect me to lie to Harestar?”

Mothwing lashed her tail. “You can answer honestly without making it seem like a crisis. Tell them that StarClan hasn’t said anything specific, or particularly helpful. That won’t seem unusual.”

Kestrelflight hissed. “Of course you’d say that.”

“If you ask me,” Jayfeather meowed, raising his voice above the others’, “this is a crisis. And we should be preparing our Clans for life without StarClan—whatever that means.”

Gasps of horror came from the other medicine cats. Their eyes were wide and shocked, as if the terrible future Jayfeather suggested had never occurred to them.

“No cat did ask you,” Willowshine retorted tartly. “That’s giving in far too soon.”

“StarClan can’t have abandoned us for good,” Frecklewish insisted.

“That’s right,” Kestrelflight agreed, even though his fur was bristling with apprehension. “Once the ice melts, everything will go back to normal.”

Jayfeather made no response, though his sightless eyes glared a challenge. The other medicine cats’ objections soon faltered into silence; the thought of life without StarClan was enough to quiet them. Without any formal ending to the meeting they began to pad slowly up the spiral path, their heads and tails drooping in dejection. Once they were out of the hollow, they split up to return to their Clans with only a brief good-bye.

Shadowpaw and Puddleshine plodded back to ShadowClan territory in uneasy silence. Shadowpaw sensed that his mentor was open to listening to him, but he didn’t ask any questions, and Shadowpaw didn’t want to tell him anything.

When they had made their way through the brambles and into the ShadowClan camp, Puddleshine began leading the way to their den, but Shadowpaw halted.

“I want to speak to Tigerstar,” he mewed.

Puddleshine turned back to him, his expression disapproving. “We all agreed not to panic the Clans,” he warned his apprentice. “What are you going to tell our leader?”

“It’s not about that,” Shadowpaw replied. “I just want to see my father.”

Puddleshine hesitated, then gave a brusque nod. “Remember what Mothwing said. Be careful what you say,” he meowed, and continued to his den.

Shadowpaw padded across the camp until he reached the Clan leader’s den beneath the low-growing branches of a pine tree. Tigerstar was there, curled up with Dovewing in a nest of bracken and pine needles. For a moment Shadowpaw didn’t want to wake them; then, gathering his courage, he stepped forward and shook his father’s shoulder with one forepaw.

Tigerstar raised his head, blinking drowsily. “Shadowpaw? What is it?” He kept his voice low so as not to wake Dovewing, who was still deeply asleep. “Shouldn’t you be at the half-moon meeting with the other medicine cats?”

“I just got back.” Shadowpaw paused, reluctant to go on. But I have to, he thought. If I can’t tell my father, which cat can I tell?

Tigerstar moved up and made a space in his nest for Shadowpaw to curl up beside him. “Come on, spit it out,” he mewed, giving his son’s ear an affectionate lick.

“When I was at the Moonpool, I had a vision,” Shadowpaw began hesitantly. “I saw images of lots of different cats, and I heard a voice that said they were codebreakers. It said that because of them, all the Clans would have to suffer. And—and the last cat I saw was . . .” His voice trailed off and he glanced toward his mother.

Shadowpaw felt his belly churning as he finished speaking and tore his gaze away from Dovewing to look up at his father. Tigerstar was staring at nothing, as if he was too stunned to speak.

“Is it true?” Shadowpaw asked after a few moments. “Is she a codebreaker?”

Tigerstar turned his head to gaze at the sleeping Dovewing. “In a way, yes,” he replied. “But if your mother is a codebreaker, then so am I. And I can’t believe that all codebreakers are evil. Sometimes a cat might have good reasons for breaking the warrior code.”

“What were your reasons?” Shadowpaw mewed diffidently, afraid that his father would be angry with him for asking such a personal question.

Tigerstar remained calm, his eyes warm as he gazed at his son. “You know that your mother and I came from different Clans, and so we never should have become mates. Dovewing’s sister, Ivypool, was against it from the beginning. But we each knew there could be no other cat for us.”

“So is that why you went to the big Twolegplace, where I was born?” Shadowpaw asked.

Tigerstar nodded. “And when we came back, along with you and your littermates, every cat could see that we loved each other. Well, it took some of them a long time to accept it. The real breaking of the code was when Dovewing left ThunderClan and came to live in ShadowClan to be with me.”

Shadowpaw thought about that for a few heartbeats. “At the time, didn’t any of the medicine cats get a message from StarClan about you?” he asked eventually.

“Not a word,” his father told him with a sigh. “Not until now. If what we did is so terrible, surely they would have said something at the start?”

“I don’t know,” Shadowpaw responded. It felt weird to be advising his father and his Clan leader as if he were a full medicine cat. “This is still new to me. I’m trying to understand StarClan’s ways.”

Tigerstar blinked thoughtfully. “Have you told this to Puddleshine?” he asked. “Or any other cat?”

“No.”

“Good.” Tigerstar gave another look, full of love and concern, at Dovewing’s sleeping form. “If there’s any chance that this vision would put Dovewing in danger, you must keep it to yourself.”

Shadowpaw wasn’t sure how he felt about that. It seemed to go against everything he had learned about what it meant to be a medicine cat. And if he didn’t tell any cat about his vision, it might put the Clans at risk from the codebreakers.

But StarClan must be mistaken if they think Dovewing is evil, he told himself. Or maybe I misunderstood the message.

“Shadowpaw?” his father prompted him gently.

Shadowpaw heaved a deep sigh. “I won’t tell any cat,” he promised.

Reluctantly, he hauled himself out of Tigerstar’s nest, dipped his head respectfully, and headed toward his own den. But he felt that it would be just as hard to sleep as it was to make contact with StarClan.

The heaviness in his head had returned; it was faint, but it felt like a warning. Shadowpaw couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was about to happen.

I only wish I knew what it was.