Kronk

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Since Camilla had already inducted one neighbour into the great P 939 crusade, it seemed only symmetrical to Gabriel that he should induct the other. So, with one InSex tablet in his pocket and with the determination to use it if necessary, he presented himself at Dr. Slink’s door and pressed the buzz button.

The moment the door was opened, he knew that the InSex woud be indispensable. Dr. Slink, though amply proportioned and decidedly bouncy in her green quilted cat-suit, was crying. She looked as if she had been crying since the beginning of the world. She looked as if she intended to continue crying until the end of the world. Gabrile felt very sorry for her.

Nervously fingering the InSex tablet, he wondered if the operation would be likely to accelerate the crying or cheer her up. Perhaps it would be better if he came back some other time. Like next year.

“I’m terribly sorry to intrude,” he began. “I think I have arrived at a bad moment. Perhaps I should—”

“Please,” said Dr. Slink. “Forgive me. Do come in. I have been hoping to invite you and your dear wife to take tea with me. But — but—” She closed the door behind Gabriel and began crying again.

Gabriel felt distinctly uncomfortable. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“No,” she sniffed. “How very kind, but no.” Then she added dramatically: “There is nothing anyone can do to help. I have been sacrificed — my reputation and career have been sacrificed -

on the altar of High Policy. But enough of my troubles. Everyone has a cross to bear. What can I do for you?”

“Well, actually, I only came to borrow some coffee.”

“Dear man,” said Dr. Slink smiling bravely, “you shall of course have your coffee. But first you must distract me from my cares by taking a quick cup with me. Oh, I forgot! How dreadful of me!” Her brave smile crumpled. “I had completely forgotten about your dear wife.

Do you think—”

“My wife is not at home,” said Gabriel quickly. He grinned. “Probably she is out buying coffee.”

Dr. Slink seemed to cheer up a little. She went to her tiny kitchen and returned presently with a silver tray on which were two china cups and saucers, a jug of cream, a bowl of brown sugar, a pot of coffee and a plateful of digestive biscuits. During her absence, Gabriel had been scowling at the Fragonard reproduction over the mantel-piece. Upon her return, his scowl became a look of admiration.

“Blindman’s Buff,” he said. “A lovely composition. Such romanticism.” He sighed. “They don’t paint like that any more, do they?”

“I’m so glad you like it.” Dr. Slink put the tray down, and stood gazing at the tiny toy figures in their lush, impossible landscape. “Do you know,” she confessed, “when I stand and gaze at this picture I can sometimes hear the divine music of Strauss, far, far away.”

“And yet,” said Gabriel, surreptitiously dropping the InSex tablet in the nearest cup, “there is elemental passion under the romanticism… Allow me to pour the coffee. It is the least I can do.”

Before Dr. Slink could protest, he had handed her a steaming cup of black coffee.

“Sugar? Cream?”

“Sugar only,” said Dr. Slink. “Really, I should scold you for depriving me of my duties as hostess. But it is so nice to have someone attentive to one’s needs.”

Miraculously, Dr. Slink’s face was now dry. She started to sip her coffee. Gabriel was relieved that he would only have to talk about Fragonard for about three minutes.

“Poor fellow,” said Gabriel. “He spent practically the whole of his life painting little worlds of innocence. Then the French Revolution came, and his market fell through the floor. Do you know, he died almost forgotten in Paris?”

Dr. Slink was enchanted. “You are very knowledgeable. How refreshing. People don’t seem to care for beautiful things any more.”

“His masterpiece was The Swing,” went on Gabriel, “but of course, Nymphs at the Bath has great charm.” He gazed at Dr. Slink hopefully. Was there a glazed look in her eyes?

“Do you find the coffee slightly bitter?” she asked unsteadily.

“No. It’s excellent, thank you… Naturally, one can detect the influence of Tiepolo, particularly in his early work.”

“Oh, dear,” said Dr. Slink, breathing heavily, “oh, dear. It — it is rather warm, isn’t it? I… I…

I seem to — how strange — I seem to have an odd desire to take off my clothes.” She was trembling and her breasts were heaving and her limbs felt as if they were turning to water. Hot water.

Gabriel noted the symptoms with satisfaction. “Please be informal,” he said smoothly.

“Mind you, Fragonard was greatly underrated. In many respects he was an excellent visual reporter.”

With trembling fingers, Dr. Slink unzipped her quilted catsuit and let it fall about her ankles. She did not seem to care if Fragonard was an excellent visual reporter. She looked at Gabriel as if she had never seen him before.

“You are my Apollo,” she breathed. “You are Pan. You are Priapus. You are the living Adonis! Take me, my beautiful one, my cruel one, my lusty one. Take me! Beat me, bruise me, ravish me, destroy me!”

She launched herself at Gabriel like a missile and locked him in a fierce embrace. They fell down. They rolled on the floor. She tore at his clothes and showered him with kisses.

Gabriel was crushed almost breathless. The InSex had exploded in her like dynamite, and the wretched woman was a blur of erotic movements. He had to hit her quite hard, twice, before she would lie still. Then her eyes clouded, her mouth fell open, and a sort of drowned look came over her face. She began to sigh and moan with pleasure.

Gabriel performed heroically. And then again. And then again.

As Dr. Slink lay beneath him, writhing ecstatically, goading herself towards a fifth or sixth orgasm, her face damp with sweat and her body filled with all the pain of desire, she had a brief revelation.

“Oh, dear,” she panted. “Oh, dear! Sir Joshua was right after all. I am a woman of lust… A creature of terrible desires… Oh, dear! It’s horrible… Oh, God, it’s wonderful!”

Then she groaned from the very depths of her being, and her whole body stiffened. After an agonizingly glorious minute, she sighed deeply and relaxed. She closed her eyes, and a great smile spread over her face. Thus was demolished all the inhibitions of years of ingrowing virginity.

Gabriel slumped helplessly by her side, semi-conscious.