Kissing with Fangs

Chapter 3

On his way to Claudia’s apartment, Anthony wondered what she’d meant by her last remark. She had hung up too quickly for him to ask her. On one level he knew. Heck, on all levels he knew. It sounded like she was feeling the same way about him as he’d always felt about her. But had she hidden her feelings for five years?

Taking public transportation was frustrating. At least he was close enough to jog to the Red Line and didn’t have to change trains. He was so preoccupied that he might just end up in the suburbs if he wasn’t careful.

At last Anthony’s car pulled into Central Square, and he was the first one off. He hadn’t taken the T to Cambridge before, so he wasn’t exactly sure where Claudia’s apartment was in relation to the stop, and the streetlights were out. Spinning around, he looked for a landmark. A bicyclist rode toward him, his DayGlo orange stripes gleaming.

“Excuse me, where’s Green Street?”

The guy pointed toward a coffee shop. “One block over.”

“Thanks.” Anthony could barely wait for a break in traffic to sprint across the busy street. When he reached Claudia’s steps, he took them two at a time. She buzzed him in, and he dashed up the stairs to the third floor.

She opened the door the minute he knocked, and Anthony walked right into her waiting arms. With no discussion, and none needed, he cupped her head and his lips descended to hers. She tipped her face up to meet his, and they stood for who knows how long in a fervent lip-lock.

When they broke apart, Claudia was breathing hard.

“I guess we should go inside and close the door,” Anthony said.

She giggled. “What? You don’t want to put on a show for the neighbors?”

He walked forward while she took a couple steps back. Absently, he kicked the door shut behind them, and as soon as it clicked, he kissed her again. Their hands explored and caressed each other as if of their own volition.

Five years of waiting. Five years of pent-up sexual frustration. Anthony didn’t know if he could stop touching and kissing her—ever.

When they finally broke apart, he rested his forehead against hers. Then, they gazed into each other’s eyes for several long moments.

Eventually, he said, “I’ve wanted to do that for five years.”

Claudia smiled. “Me too. What took you so long?”

They both knew the answer to that. Ruxandra.

Claudia stepped away and offered him a beverage. Anthony opted for tea since Type O was probably not on the menu.

While she was in the kitchen, he glanced around the room. It was in much better shape than before. Like the woman he knew, it was well put together and immaculate. He remembered her first request as his new bar manager. She’d wanted to wear her fashionable clothes and not the uniform he had her wear as a waitress.

When she returned with his tea, he took a moment to notice her outfit. She wore a little black dress and strappy sandals. He could take her anywhere in that. Of course, all he wanted to do was take her into the next room and remove said little black dress.

But it was too soon for that.

“Have a seat.” Claudia didn’t specify where, so Anthony sat on the couch, expecting she’d join him there. She set his tea on a coaster next to him and settled herself on his other side.

Kicking off her sandals and pulling her feet up under her thigh, she looked casual and comfortable. He was glad she hadn’t suddenly become shy after their first kiss. A lot of women would have.

“It’s nice to see you again,” she said. “You look well.”

Okay. She wasn’t acting shy but a little formal.

“You too. I trust you’re feeling better.”

She groaned and hung her head. “Let’s pretend the other night never happened.”

“Why?”

She snorted. “You didn’t exactly see me in my best light.”

Anthony took a sip of his tea while he tried to think of something to say to that. Should he acknowledge her sober assessment? Downplay it? He opted for reaching over and taking her hand in his. Giving it a squeeze he said, “I’ve seen you in your best light for far too long. It was about time you showed me your flawed human side.”

She smiled. “Thanks. Maybe someday you’ll show me your human side too.”

Doubtful, since I’m no longer human.

She let go of his hand. “Speaking of which, where are your emotions? You can be upset around me, you know. I won’t wilt, and I want to be supportive. I’m kind of surprised you seem so unaffected by everything that’s happened. After all, it was your business that burned to the ground.”

“I’m just glad no one was hurt. It could have been so much worse.”

“That’s true.” She worried her lip for a moment. “The other night, when you were talking about rebuilding. Did you mean it?”

“Absolutely. I still want a place in the neighborhood for the locals to socialize.” Especially the local paranormals. “And I’d like to get it under way as quickly as possible.”

“Then, as hard as this is to say, I should tell you that you might want to find another manager.”

Anthony’s brows shot up. He couldn’t picture anyone but Claudia running his place during daylight hours. How could he trust anyone else? It not only made no business sense, but he wouldn’t have the same enthusiasm. The best part of going to work was knowing she would be there waiting for him at sunset.

“But, why? Do you need money to live on in the meantime? Because if you do, I can—”

She held up a hand to stop him. “No. That’s not it.” She fidgeted a little, then faced him head-on. “There’s something I need to tell you. Something I should have told you long ago.”

“Oh?” This sounds ominous. Could Ruxandra have threatened her? “Whatever it is, I’m on your side.”

She let out a deep breath. “I know, but wait until you hear what I have to say. You might feel differently.”

He didn’t want to protest; he just wanted her to keep talking. Whatever it was, he was sure they could handle it together—just like they’d handled everything. So he waited and let her gather her courage.

“Anthony, I have a drinking problem. I have no business working in a bar.”

Of all the secrets she could have shared, this was one he’d never even considered. “What? Are you sure? I never saw anything to indicate…”

She held up her hand again. “I know. I was…I mean I am what they call a functional alcoholic. I could hold it together all day long in order to do my job, but as soon as I got home at night, all bets were off. You’re not the only one who didn’t know. I was very good at hiding it.”

He took a quick glance at the open kitchen where she’d had her booze and didn’t see a single bottle.

“It’s all gone. I have to quit, Anthony. It’s starting to affect my health.”

“I see.” He really didn’t see. How could this have happened? Was the job too stressful? The hours too long? “Claudia, I mean it. I’m here for you. I’ll give you any assistance you need. How can I help?”

She gave him a sad smile. “That’s just it. You can’t. I have to do this myself. I went to my first AA meeting yesterday, and it sounds like I have a long road ahead of me.”

Anthony blew out a rare breath and shook his head at the floor. “I wish I had known sooner. It must have been difficult for you.”

“You could say that. As soon as I explained it all to my parents, they wanted me to move back to Florida where they could keep an eye on me. I had to promise them I’d go to AA and call them regularly before they’d agree to drop it and go home.”

“So they’re on their way?”

“Yes. It’s a long drive and my dad doesn’t trust anyone to run his business correctly while he’s away. At least he’s given up the idea that I should take over for him someday.”

“I can’t imagine anyone else I’d want running my business—whatever it is. Claudia, I don’t have to reopen as a bar. I could make it a coffee shop.”

“With a bakery and coffee bar right next door? I’m sure they’d love that.”

Anthony was desperate to think of something. Not only did he want to help Claudia, but he also wanted to be sure Sadie was taken care of. Both women were too proud to take his charity. He’d have to find a way to employ them both. Sadie just needed a booth to read tarot cards. But now that Claudia was a teetotaler…

As if a lightbulb hovering over his head suddenly went on, Anthony grabbed his cup and blurted out, “Tea! A tea room! Sadie can read tea leaves. She told me so. You can make the place over however you want. I can picture you serving high tea and offering special blends from all over the world. It even fits better with the upper-class flavor of Beacon Hill than a bar.”

“You mean like the places with tablecloths and bone china?”

“Exactly.” Suddenly Anthony pictured a big werewolf like Nick holding a delicate teacup with his pinkie sticking out. He almost laughed, but the hopeful excitement on Claudia’s face stopped him.

“We could have light lunches—like soups and salads. Of course the requisite finger sandwiches, scones, tea, and other beverages too, but no alcohol,” she said. Jumping up, she added, “Maybe we could even strike a deal with the bakery next door and have them make the scones and cakes for us.”

If Anthony had second thoughts, he’d just have to squelch them. A tea parlor would be perfect for the two ladies in his life. And who knew, maybe paranormals would be willing to meet there, even without the alcohol.

He could see the female paranormal population more comfortable in a place like that. And he remembered how Kurt and Tory always complained about the lack of available women. Well, guys, problem solved.

Almost. First he had to rebuild. Getting permits, hiring contractors, all that would take time, but he’d done it before. Telling his old regulars about the new venue without becoming a laughingstock would be trickier.

The following evening, Claudia answered her buzzer and was delighted to hear Anthony’s voice.

“I bring glad tidings.”

“Oh? And what are those?”

“Books about our new business, so we won’t come off as neophytes to avid tea aficionados.”

“Oh, thank goodness. Come on up!”

When he arrived at her door, she was ready and waiting to greet him. She’d combed her hair and put on makeup. It had felt good to make the effort.

He smiled at her. “You look like you’re feeling better.”

“I am.”

“Good, because I want to take you out to other tea rooms in the city. My research has turned up only a few, and most are in pricey hotels, so…”

Her face fell.

“What did I say?”

“Oh, nothing.”

“Claudia?”

Over the past five years, she’d learned to read his various facial expressions, and the one he was wearing now meant, “Don’t try to spare my feelings. Just tell me the truth.”

“I—uh…I’m embarrassed about how badly I let myself go. It’s a wonder you want…well, anything to do with me.”

He placed gentle hands on her shoulders. “How can you think that? I care about you. More than you may believe right now.”

She nodded. She cared about him too—definitely more than he suspected. She was in love with him and had been for years.

Anthony sat on the couch and patted the spot next to him. “Let’s begin before we get distracted.”

She sat a short distance away. If she were going to minimize distractions, she’d have to avoid touching him.

He read aloud. “With more varietals in China than there are wine grape varietals in all of France, tea dazzles us with its diversity. But there is only one plant. Even with the endless complexities and variations in all the teas of the world, every tea springs from the singular plant species Camellia sinensis.”

“Well, there’s something,” Claudia said. “Only one complicated scientific name to memorize.”

“I don’t think we need to memorize species, genus, and phylum, darling.”

“Good, because my brain isn’t cooperating yet.”

“What do you mean?”

She hung her head. “I mean, I’m still just clearing up. I knew the bar business backward and forward and could run the place in my sleep—or a stupor, as it were. This is new learning, and I’m a little afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“That my previous stupors turned me stupid.”

“You’re not stupid. If anything…” Anthony sat closer and put an arm around her shoulder. “We have plenty of time and we’ll learn it together.”

“I don’t know. I’ve already forgotten the name of the species.”

Anthony chuckled. “So have I. Let’s not worry about that now.” He returned his attention to the book. “Black tea is the most common tea in North America. It is produced when withered tea leaves are rolled and allowed to oxidize. This darkens the leaves and develops flavor, color, and body in the leaf.”

He rubbed her shoulder as he continued to read. “The tea is dried to halt the oxidation process and lock in these characteristics. The result is a robust cup with bright or lively notes that are perfect for breakfast teas, with about half as much caffeine as a similarly sized cup of coffee.”

“Anthony, stop.”

“I’m sorry. Was it the word ‘oxidation’ that threw you?”

She shook her head. “Not the words this time. It’s you.”

He leaned back and studied her face. “Me?”

“Yes. Rubbing my shoulder, your thigh against mine. All I want to do is throw that book across the room and kiss you.”

He laughed. “I’d like nothing better.” He started to close the book.

“No. We have to learn this. I—I just think I should sit in the armchair.” She rose quickly and moved to the chair. Now there was a table between them. “Okay. Keep reading.”

He paused and she could sense his inner struggle. Maybe he was getting distracted too.

At last, he refocused on the book. “Green tea is gaining popularity in America. It is produced when tea leaves are heated or steamed right after being harvested. This halts the oxidation process, preserving the leaf’s emerald hue and naturally occurring antioxidants and amino acids… Uh-oh. Here comes another one of those words. Theanine.”

He placed the book upside down on the table. “Why don’t I just go through this with a highlighter and pick out the stuff we really need to know?”

“But I really want to—” Her protest was cut short when he picked her up and laid her on the sofa, then covered her body with his and kissed her.

She snaked her arms around his neck and back. As their tongues dueled, she grabbed a fistful of hair at the nape of his neck, intending to pull him away. She couldn’t do it. Instead, she released her grip and combed her fingers through the hair covering his collar. Her other hand caressed his back. His cock grew and teased her in just the right spot. The flare of desire caused her to buck against him.

A sane thought finally broke through her lust-filled haze. We can’t do this. Not yet.

Fortunately, Anthony’s restraint seemed to kick in at the same time. Pushing himself to his feet, he said, “I’m sorry.”

She struggled to sit up. “Don’t be. It’s just Mother Nature’s way of ensuring the human species continues.”

His brows shot up.

“Oh, no,” she quickly added. “I didn’t mean that we should… You know…”

“Procreate?”

She giggled. “Sorry. This whole thing is a discussion for another time.”

“Maybe not.” He sat beside her. “I can’t have children. You should know that in case you want one.”

“No! I mean, no. I have enough to deal with.”

“Yes. Right now you do. But you should know that for the future. If you were hoping for a family someday, it wouldn’t be right for me to keep you from that goal.”

“Anthony, I’m not harboring secret dreams of white picket fences. The work staff and regulars were my family. I’m fine with keeping it that way.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

He sagged against the back of the sofa and stared at the ceiling. “I can’t tell you how relieved I am.”

She was relieved too. The thought of caring for infants, then chasing toddlers around, and finally coping with teenagers scared her to pieces. As far as Claudia was concerned, this was just another indication that they belonged together.

Over the next two months, Anthony and Claudia studied the tea business in public places.

He used the excuse that they needed clear heads to discuss products, equipment, and staffing, and if they were alone in her apartment, he might not be able to keep his hands off her. That much was certainly true.

What he also needed was a way to keep Claudia safe from Ruxandra.

He thought he’d spotted his jealous ex-girlfriend following him one night. Fortunately, he was able to lose her—that time.

For now, he had to make his romantic relationship with Claudia appear as if it were strictly business. That was the opposite of what he wanted, but he needed time to deal with a certain dangerous vampiress. How to do that—short of killing Ruxandra—utterly mystified him.

Claudia seemed to understand his explanation of needing to put the business first and reluctantly agreed. She had her own work to do. The AA program had specific steps and she was taking them seriously. She admitted she wasn’t looking forward to taking a moral inventory of herself, but Anthony couldn’t imagine any of her actions being remotely immoral. If she only knew his history…her worst sin would pale in comparison to some of his normal behavior.

For now, she was attending meetings during the day and leaving her evenings free for him. If she kept to that schedule, he wouldn’t have to worry about Ruxandra getting her alone in a dark alley.

His plan was working, at least temporarily. Each time they saw each other, they’d find a secluded table in the back and go over business decisions while waiting for their meals. Well, Claudia’s meal. Anthony explained that he was on a special diet. Not untrue.

They tried really hard to keep their hands to themselves, but by the time dessert came, they were playing footsie, or if they had one of those padded-bench seats where they could sit side by side, they groped, kissed, and tried to stop short of getting thrown out for lewd behavior. Anthony didn’t know how much longer he could postpone the inevitable.

He was going to sleep with Claudia. It wasn’t a matter of if, but when.

“Have you considered my proposal?”

Her eyes rounded. “Your what?”

Whoa. Maybe I should have been more specific. “My offer to give you the apartment over the shop? It’s brand new, very chic—like you, and the commute can’t be beat.”

“Oh.” She chuckled. “That. Yes, I’ve thought about it, but I won’t take it rent free. I know you could get upward of three thousand a month for that place.”

“True, but I like to know who’s living in my building.” He reached across the table and took her hand in his. “I’d like to know you’re living in my building. I want you safe.”

“But I already owe you so much.”

“You earned every penny I paid you. Who else would work seven days a week without complaint?”

She smiled but kept her eyes down. “It’s very generous of you, but it could be awkward if things don’t work out between us.”

He let go of her hand and leaned back in his chair. “Why would you think that’ll happen?”

“I don’t. I mean…nobody does when the relationship is new. But things could change.”

“Would you quit your job?”

“Of course not.”

“Good. Then I don’t foresee a problem.”

“I’d still feel better paying rent.”

Anthony sighed. “I’ll work it into your new salary.”

“Oh, yeah. That’s something we haven’t discussed yet. I assume the tea shop won’t make as much money as the bar, at least when it’s brand new. I guess I’ll have to take a pay cut.”

“No, you won’t.”

“Huh? Anthony, we can adjust it as we go along, but I know how much it costs to run a place like that, and you probably won’t break even for a while.”

“Don’t worry about my money, Claudia. I can afford to pay you a good salary, and I will.”

She lifted her chin. “And what if I say it’s too much?”

Anthony burst out laughing.

“Hey. That isn’t funny.”

He dabbed at the corners of his eyes as he tried to wrestle the humor out of her refusal. “You’re cute when you shoot yourself in the foot—or try to.”

Claudia folded her arms over her perfect chest. “I’m trying to keep you in business.”

He looked at her sternly. “Claudia, I’m a multimillionaire. I could run this business in the red for a hundred years, and I’d still have more money than I need.”

She rolled her eyes. “Well, since neither one of us will be around that long, I can’t very well call you a liar, can I?”

Whew. She obviously has no idea what I am. That was small comfort, considering he’d have to tell her eventually if things worked out—and he found himself desperately hoping they would.

“Not to change the subject, but how’s the sobriety going?”

“Good. I’m enjoying the AA meetings. It’s as if I’ve discovered a whole new set of close friends I didn’t know I had.” She grinned.

An unexpected pang of jealousy hit him. He was genuinely happy for her, but part of him wondered if those friends would come between them at some point.

“I just got a sponsor,” she said.

“Oh? That’s great. Tell me about him.” He tried to sound nonchalant. If he didn’t tamp down the twinge of jealousy that had just stabbed his heart, he could threaten her sobriety. As much as he wanted to be her whole world, he wanted her health and happiness more.

“It’s not a him. It’s a her. Women sponsor women, and men sponsor men. It can get complicated otherwise.”

“I see.” He relaxed, trying not to let out the breath he’d been holding—for about ten minutes—in a big whoosh.

“I’m afraid I can’t tell you anything about her. It’s an anonymous program.”

“Sort of like Las Vegas? What happens in AA stays in AA?”

Claudia rolled her eyes. “Vegas got a lot of people into AA.”

He chuckled. “Well, you look happy. I’m glad to see you smiling again.”

After a brief hesitation she said, “You have a lot to do with that. Unfortunately, that brings up a new wrinkle.”

He lifted his eyebrows. “Wrinkle?” That doesn’t sound good.

She fidgeted. “Newly sober singles are supposed to stay out of relationships for a year.”

Anthony’s jaw dropped. Oh, hell no. “A year? But we’ve already waited five!”

“I know. I explained that to my sponsor. She said it was up to me, and that I should take into consideration your…influence. She was concerned because you owned a bar.”

Now he wanted to find this woman and throttle her. How dare she question his “influence”? Hadn’t he decided to tailor his whole business to Claudia’s needs?

She rubbed his leg. “I told her you were turning the bar into a tea room because I’m a teetotaler now.”

“Oh? And what did she say about that?”

“She wants to know if you have a brother.”

Mother Nature hummed as she worked in her indoor garden. The glass bubble over the top floor of the Boston office building provided plenty of light, especially since she could control the weather to her liking.

“Excuse me, Gaia.”

She whirled around. “Oh, it’s you, Apollo. What do you want?”

“Balog is here to see you.”

She automatically balled her fists and tried not to curse. So much for relaxing.

She removed her dirty gloves and flung them onto the raised flower bed, narrowly missing a petunia. “What the frig does he want?”

Apollo shrugged.

Muttering about how useless and lazy gods were, Mother Nature strode to the bank of elevators where Mr. Balog was waiting.

She folded her arms and glared at him. “What?”

“I—uh, I thought you might want to know that the paranormal meeting place on Charles Street is reopening.”

Gaia’s eyes grew wide. “You mean that vampire hasn’t learned his lesson? The fire didn’t show him how dangerous a place like that was?”

“Yes, ma’am—I mean Mother—I mean Goddess.”

Trying to remain calm, she took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. She counted to ten. Eventually, she slapped a hand over her eyes, gave up, and screamed. “Gaaaaah!”

Balog took a giant step back.

After her outburst, she felt better. An upholstered chair materialized under her butt and she plopped onto it. “Tell me everything you know.”

Balog smiled and said, “Everything I know? That might take a long time.”

Gaia rolled her eyes and mumbled, “I doubt it.”

Balog cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, Goddess. I was just trying to lighten the mood. Of course you meant everything I know about the tea room.”

“Tea room?”

“Yes. Anthony Cross rebuilt the first floor of his building as a tea parlor. It’s quite fancy.”

Gaia’s jaw dropped. Then it occurred to her that if Anthony was trying to reopen a front for a supernatural gathering place, a tea room was an odd choice. “So, is he no longer trying to gather paranormals for some kind of deranged peace talks?”

“Oh, no. He’s up to his old tricks,” Balog continued with a smile. “I can’t wait to see the werewolves trying to hold those tiny watercress sandwiches in their big, meaty fingers.” He laughed, but she wasn’t amused.

“Are you sure your information is correct?”

“My intelligence-gathering has shown that the same customers who frequented the bar are interested in the grand opening of the tea parlor.”

Gaia was tempted to make a crack involving the word “intelligence,” but not even sarcasm would alleviate the worry invading her gut.

“So the paranormals are still planning to gather in a public place, increasing their risk of a slipup around humans. But it hasn’t opened yet?”

“Correct. The grand opening is the day after tomorrow at 11:00 a.m. I could take my wife, but I’d stick out by myself.”

It sounded as if the human crowd would likely be female. Observant, meddling, gossiping females. Gaia bent over and covered her face with her hands. “This is such a bad idea.”

“I’ll keep an eye on the place as always, Goddess. Reporting any problems to you immediately.”

“Well, do it from a distance. You can’t help me if your cover is blown.”

“I managed to rent the third-floor apartment from Mr. Cross again. Because my family lived there before the building burned, he gave us a chance to rent it first.” Balog puffed up his chest. “Apparently he still doesn’t know we’re spying on him.”

She rose and the chair disappeared. “Good, but I want to see this place for myself. You’re excused, Balog.”

She spun on her heel and marched over to her forest in the corner. “Now to create a hat that’s fit for a tea party.”

Claudia sat next to her sponsor, Gaye. When it came time to introduce herself, she said what she knew she was supposed to say, but it still felt strange and difficult. “My name is Claudia, and I’m an alcoholic.”

Everyone said, “Hi, Claudia,” like she hadn’t just confessed her worst secret…as if she’d just said, “I like ice cream.”

Her sponsor followed suit. “Hi, I’m Gaye, and I’m an alcoholic.”

Someone behind them chuckled and said, “So am I.”

Another deep voice echoed, “Me too.”

Gaye turned around. “Ha. Ha. Very funny.”

The room erupted in giggles, but Gaye smiled, taking the good-natured ribbing well. Claudia couldn’t help but be impressed with the woman’s unshakable serenity. She hoped someday she’d be that comfortable in her own skin.

Her mind was racing. The members were taking turns reading a paragraph at a time from the book outlining the twelve steps. When her turn came, she wasn’t even aware of what she was reading. All she could concentrate on was not stumbling over her words. She stumbled once anyway.

“Sheesh. I don’t think I comprehended a thing I just read,” she whispered to Gaye.

Gaye leaned toward her and whispered back, “Bring the body. The mind will follow.”

“But—”

“Shhh. ‘Learn to listen and listen to learn.’ We’ll talk later.”

The woman could be a hard-ass, but thank goodness she had someone with experience helping her through this. Claudia couldn’t imagine trying to navigate all the changes she was going through alone.

For the first month, Claudia couldn’t help crying easily when someone brought up a situation that had contributed to their problems—and hers. Poor self-esteem, isolation, fear…the emotional gamut. But her sponsor said it was normal to feel a little raw in the beginning, especially since she was feeling emotions she’d shut away or tried to dilute with alcohol. If only it had worked. The more she drank, the worse it got.

She’d gone from feeling pleasantly buzzed to crying uncontrollably when she’d drunk too much and self-pity kicked in. Someone described her struggle in a way Claudia could totally understand. She said she was a high-bottom drunk with low-bottom emotions. Another guy said he felt like he was in a slingshot when he drank. He never knew where he’d wind up.

For Claudia, the emotions were the worst part. She’d never woken up on a stranger’s front lawn or passed out in a friend’s closet while looking for the bathroom, but she identified with the feelings of shame expressed at meetings when even the toughest guys cracked.

No one she’d heard speak in AA had the exact circumstances she did—a dear departed sister and survivor’s guilt—but everyone seemed to understand her tears and fears nonetheless.

Her sister, Marion, was two years older and the “better” daughter. Claudia should have been driving that night, but Marion came to get her because Claudia had celebrated her high-school graduation a little too much. You’d think that would have made Claudia want to stop drinking—and it did, for a while. But nothing dulled the pain like oblivion.

After the meeting, she and Gaye went out for ice cream. Gaye had encouraged her to complete the twelve steps of the AA program. The first time Claudia read them, she wasn’t sure she wanted to. Make amends? How the hell was she supposed to do that with her parents? Her tendency had been to make up for feelings of inferiority by overachieving. It didn’t exactly work, but at least she felt less like a schmuck.

“I’ve been trying, but I can’t take all these steps at once,” she confessed to Gaye. “For once, I want to be less than perfect.”

“It’s not a contest, and rushing through the steps won’t do you any good. In fact, it could mess you up even more. But you’re not alone. Lots of people have thought it was impossible. You’ll take the steps as you’re ready for them,” Gaye said. “And I’ll help you.”

“I’m having a hard time just letting memories wash over me and facing reality without a drink.”

“That’s normal.”

“But how do I cope when that happens?”

“You call me.”

“And if you’re not available?”

“Leave me a message and then call someone else. Or if for some reason, you can’t reach anyone, repeat the Serenity Prayer or something like ‘This too shall pass’ until I call you back.”

The program relied heavily on clichés, but those tidbits of wisdom were helping Claudia nonetheless. She felt like she was hearing some of them for the first time. Live and Let Live. Easy Does It. One Day at a Time. And, oh, yeah…Keep it Simple, Stupid was a kick in the pants, but one she needed when she was tempted to overdo it. Life was complicated enough, yet apparently alcoholics were adept at mucking it up even more.

Soon she’d be moving and her schedule would change. Her job at the tea shop would keep her busy during the day, and meetings would occupy her evenings. That seemed simple enough.

Gaye reached into her purse and extracted a pen and paper. “Here. I want you to write a gratitude list. Right here. Right now.”

“A what?”

“A list of all the things in your life that you’re grateful for. Nothing is too small or silly to write down. It’s not for anyone’s eyes but yours. Write down at least fifteen things.”

“Fifteen? But what if I can’t—”

“You can. Think about it. I’ll give you as long as it takes for me to finish my ice cream. Now, start writing.”

“Sheesh.” Claudia thought a moment and began.

I’m grateful for…

Steady job.

Cute apartment.

I’m reasonably healthy.

I have an MBA.

Mostly natural blond hair.

Stylish clothes.

A few true friends.

I’m compassionate—especially to underdogs.

I’m making new friends.

Parents who love me in their own annoying way.

Then she scratched out the word “annoying.”

Growing and learning in AA.

Sobriety is making me feel healthy again.

A good sponsor.

Caring boss/boyfriend.

Can actually write a gratitude list and mean it.

I can see I didn’t cause my sister’s death.

I look forward to learning to forgive myself.

Hope.

She stopped writing when she felt tears burning behind her eyes. “I don’t know what I’d do without you and Anthony, Gaye.”

“Well, I know why you need me,” Gaye joked. “But what is Anthony good for?”

Claudia bit her lower lip. “Call it unconditional love. We all need someone to accept us for who we are. Good and bad. Warts and all. Anthony is that man.”

Gaye smiled. “It sounds like you have some stuff to be grateful for.”

“A lot, actually. I was feeling so alone, even before the fire. Then afterward my best friend got married, and I didn’t want to take her away from her first few months of wedded bliss.” Claudia chuckled. “Her name is even Bliss.”

“Like my name is Gaye. Is hers any less ironic than mine?”

Claudia smirked. “She was never this blissful before hooking up with her hottie fireman. Maybe you need a handsome firefighter too.”

Gaye lifted one eyebrow. “I don’t think so. I’m not ready for that kind of emotional turmoil, and I might never be. Speaking of which, how are things with your boyfriend?”

“Anthony is wonderful. His ex is giving him a hard time, though. I don’t know why she won’t leave him alone.” Claudia studied her bowl of melting rocky road.

Gaye sighed. “Are you sure you’re ready to handle a relationship? There’s a saying, you know. KISS. ‘Keep it simple, sweetheart.’”

“Yeah, yeah. I know that one. Only they usually say ‘stupid’ instead of ‘sweetheart.’”

“In my opinion, we need to be a little gentler with ourselves. We called ourselves stupid hundreds of times when we were drinking. Staying in recovery is one of the smartest things you’ll ever do. So, sweetheart…the boyfriend?”

“Why should I give up one of the best things that ever happened to me just because some bimbo he doesn’t care about anymore doesn’t like it? I think she needs a program of recovery too, but I don’t know what it would be. Is there a Pains-in-the-Ass Anonymous?”

Gaye laughed. “I wish. I can think of a few people I’d like to send there—but remember the Serenity Prayer. The only ones we can change are ourselves. That’s what they mean by live and let live.”

Claudia sighed. “I’m used to being in charge as a manager and working with people who do what I ask them to.”

“Welcome to the real world, kiddo.”