I Will Fear No Evil

18

A few minutes later Shorty handed her into her car, locked her in, and mounted into the forward compartment.

"Gimbel's Compound, Miss Smith?"

"Please, Finchley."

Once inside the compound Joan had Fred escort her to Madame Pompadour's. The fact that she had a private bodyguard got her immediate attention from the manager, who was not Madame Pompadour even though he wore his hair in the style made famous by the notorious Marquise and had manners and gestures to match. (Eunice, are you sure we are in the right place?) (Certainly, Boss—wait till you see their prices.) "How may I serve Madame?"

"Do you have a private viewing room?"

"But of course, Madame. Uh, there is a waiting room where—"

"My guard stays with me."

The manager looked hurt. "As Madame wishes. If you will walk this way—" (Eunice, shall we walk that way?)

(Don't try, twin—just follow him. Or her, as the case may be.)

Shortly Joan was seated facing a low model's walk; Fred stood at parade rest behind her. The room was warm; she unfrogged her cloak and pushed back its hood but left the yashmak over her features. Then she dug into her purse, got out a memorandum. "Do you have a model who comes close to these measurements?"

The manager studied the list—height, weight, shoulders, bust, waist, leg. "This is Madame?"

"Yes. But here is another specs list even if you can't match me. A friend for whom I wish to buy something pretty and exotic. She's a redhead with pale skin to match and green eyes." Joan had copied Winifred's measurements from the exercise records the two had been keeping.

"I see no problems, Madame, but in your own case permit me to suggest that our great creative artist, Chariot, will be happy to check these measurements or even to design directly on—"

"Never mind. I am buying items already made up. If I buy."

"Madame's pleasure. May I ask one question? Will Madame be wearing her own hair?"

"If I wear a wig, it will be the same color as my hair, so assume that." (Eunice, should I buy a wig?) (Be patient and let it grow out, dear. Wigs are hard to keep clean. And they never smell clean.) (Then we'll never wear one.) (Smart Boss. Soap and water is the world's greatest aphrodisiac.) (I've always thought so. Though a girl should smell like a girl.) (You do, dearie, you do—you can't help it.)

"Madame's hair is a beautiful shade. And now, since Madame indicated that her time is short, perhaps it would suit her convenience to let our accounting department record her credit card while I alert the two models?"

(Watch it, Boss!) (I wasn't a-hint the door, dearie.) "I use credit cards with several names. Such as McKinley, Franklin, and Grant. Or Cleveland." Joan reached into her purse, fanned a sheaf of bills. "The poor man's credit card."

The manager repressed a shudder. "Oh, goodness, we don't expect our clients to pay cash."

"I'm old-fashioned."

The manager looked pained. "Oh, but it's unnecessary. If Madame prefers not to use her general credit account—her privilege!—she can Set up a private account with Pompadour in only moments. If she will permit me to have her I.D.—"

"Just a moment. Can you read fine print?" Joan pointed at a notice near a portrait of President McKinley. "‘This note is legal tender for all debts, public and private.' I shan't get tangled up in a computer. I pay cash."

"But, Madame—we aren't set up for cash! I'm not certain we could make change."

"Well, I don't want to put you to any inconvenience. Fred."

"Yes, Miss?"

"Take me to La Boutique."

The manager looked horrified. "Please, Madame! I'm sure something can be arranged. One moment while I speak to our accountant." He hurried away without waiting for an answer.

(Why the fuss, Boss honey? I've bought endless things for you, against your personal expenditures account. Jake said we could use it.) (Eunice, I've despised those moronic machines since the first time I was trapped by a book club. But I'm not just being balky. Today is not a day to admit who we are. Later—after we're out of court—we'll set up a "Susan Jones" account for shopping in person. If we ever do again. I can see it's a bloody nuisance.) (Oh, no, it's fun! You'll see, twin. But, remember—I hold a veto until you learn something about clothes) (Sho', sho', little nag.) (Who are you calling a nag, you knocked-up bag?) (Happy about it, beloved?) (Wonderfully happy, Boss. Are you?) (Wonderfully. Even if it wasn't romantic.) (Oh, but it was! We're going to have your baby!) (Quit sniffling.) (I'm not sniffling; you are.) (Maybe we both are. Now shut up, here he comes.)

The manager beamed. "Madame! Our accountant says that it is perfectly all right to accept cash!"

"The Supreme Court will be pleased to hear it."

"What? Oh! Madame is jesting. Of course there is a service surcharge of ten percent for—"

"Fred. La Boutique."

"Please, Madame! I pointed out to him how unfair that is and found the most wonderful solution!"

"Really?"

"Truly, Madame. Anything you choose to buy, I'll simply charge against my personal account—and you can pay me cash. No trouble, I'll be happy to. My bank doesn't make the least fuss over accepting cash deposits. Really." (Watch it, Boss; he'll expect a fat tip.) (If he can show us something we want, he may get it. Cost is no huhu, Eunice; we can't get rid of the stuff.) (It's the principle of the thing, Boss.) (Forget it and help me spend money.) (All right. But we don't buy unless we like it.)

For the next two hours Joan spent money—and was dazed to discover how expensive women's clothes could be. But she suppressed her early upbringing and paid attention only to an inner voice: (Not that one, twin—it's smart but a man wouldn't like it.) (How about this one, Eunice?) (Maybe. Have her walk it around again, then have her sit down. Show some leg.)

(Here comes ‘Winnie' again. Is that girl a real redhead, Eunice?) (Probably a wig but doesn't matter; she's almost exactly Winnie's size. That would be cute on our Winsome. Twin, see what they have in fancy gee-strings——green, for a redhead. Winnie ought to have at least one outfit intended to be seen by no one but her new boy friend.) (Okay, we'll give ‘Bob' a treat. Who do you think he is, beloved?) (Haven't the faintest—and we don't want to guess. Do we? I just hope he's nicer to her than Paul was.)

"Mr. duValle? Do you have something exotic in a minimum-gee for a redhead? Green, I suppose. And matching cups would be interesting, too. Something nice—an intimate present for a bride." (Bride?) (Well, it might help Winnie become a bride, Eunice—and it steers him away from thinking I'm buying it for my sweetheart.) (Who cares what he thinks?)

"Jeweled perhaps? Emeralds?"

"I wouldn't want a bride to be mugged over a wedding present. Nor do I wish to buy her something more expensive than her bridegroom can afford. Bad taste, I think."

"Ah, but these are synthetic emeralds. Just as lovely but quite reasonable. Yola dear—come with me."

Several thousand dollars later Joan quit. She was getting hungry and knew, from long experience, that being hungry made her unwilling to spend money. Her subconscious equated "hungry" with "poor" in a canalization it had acquired in the 1930's.

She sent Fred to fetch Shorty to help carry while her purchases were being packaged and while she paid the startling sum. (Eunice, where shall we eat?) (There are restaurants inside this compound, Boss.) (Uh, darn it—no, damn it!—Ican't eat through a yashmak. You know what will happen. Somebody who watched video yesterday will recognize us. Then the news snoops will be on us before you can say ‘medium rare.') (Well...how about a picnic?) (Wonderful! Eunice, you win another Brownie point. But—where can we go?—a picnic with grass and trees and ants in the potato salad—but private so I can take off this veil... and yet close enough that we won't starve on the way?)

(I don't know, Boss, but I'll bet Finchley does.)

Finchley did know. Shorty was appointed to buy the lunch at The Hungry Man inside the compound—"Get enough for six, Shorty, and don't look at the prices. Be lavish. But there must be potato salad. And a couple of bottles of wine."

"One is enough, Miss. I don't drink, wine is a mocker, and Finchley never drinks when he is on call to drive."

"Oh₁ think big, Shorty; I may drink a whole bottle myself—you can save my soul tomorrow. Today is special—my first day of freedom!" (Very special, beloved.) (Very, very special, Boss!)

Down into the crosstown chute, up onto Express Route South, out to the unlimited zone, then fifty miles at three hundred feet per second—a speed that Finchley did not use until Joan was protected by full harness plus collision net.

The fifty miles melted away in fifteen minutes and Finchley eased it down and over, ready to exit. They were not shot at, even where Route South skirts the Crater.

"Finchley? Can I get out of this pesky cocoon now?"

"Yes, Miss. But I'd feel easier if you would wear the Swedish belt. Some of these drivers are cowboys."

"All right. But tell me the instant I can take it off." (Eunice, the engineer if-that's-the-word who designed if­-that's-the-word these goddam straps did not have women in mind!) (You've got it rigged for a man, Boss—of course you're pinching a tit. Move the bottom half closer in and shift the upper anchor point after we stop; that's the way they rigged it for me. Some man has used it since the last time I did.) (Jake, probably, sometime when his own car was laid up. Sweetheart, how many things do I have to learn about being a woman before I can avoid tripping over my feet?) (Thousands. But you're doing all right, Boss—and I'm always here to catch you.) (Beloved. Say, this doesn't look like picnic country. I wonder if Finchley is lost.)

They were passing through solid masses of "bedroom" areas—walled enclaves, apartment houses, a few private homes. The trees looked tired and grass scarce, while the car's air-conditioning system still fought smog.

But not for long—Finchley turned into a secondary freight route and shortly they had farms on each side. Joan noticed that one belonged to her—to a subsidiary of Smith Enterprises, she corrected, and reminded herself that she no longer held control.

Nevertheless she noted that the guard at a corner watchtower seemed alert and the steel fence was stout and tall and capped with barbed wire and an alarm stand, all in good maintenance. But they were past without her seeing what was being cropped—no matter; Johann had never tried to manage that slice of conglom, he had known his limitations. (Eunice, what are we raising back there?)

(Joan, I can't see if you don't look—and you never looked.) (Sorry, dearest. Speak up if you don't like the service.) (I Will. I think it was a rotation crop. This soil has been farmed so hard and long that it has to be handled carefully.)

(What happens when the soil no longer responds to management?) (We starve, of course. What do you expect? But before that they'll build on it.)

(Eunice, it's got to stop, somewhere. When I was a boy I was a city kid but I could walk in less than an hour to green fields and uncut woods...woods so private I could play Tarzan in my skin. I wasn't ‘just lucky'—even in New York City a boy with five cents could ride to farms woods in less time than it took me to walk it.)

(Doesn't seem possible, Boss.) (I know. It's taken a fast car and a professional driver to do what I used to do on bare feet—yet this isn't real farm country; these are open-air food factories with foremen and time clocks and shop stewards and payroll deductions and house-organ magazines and you name it. A dug well and a tin dipper would cause a strike—and they'd be justified; those open wells and tin dippers spread diseased Just the same, the tin-dipper era was a good time in this country...and this one isn't. Where do we go from here?)

The inner voice failed to answer. Joan waited. (Eunice?)

(Boss, I don't know!)

(Sorry, just sounding off. Eunice, all my life I did the best I knew how with what I had. I didn't waste—shucks, even that white-elephant house keeps a lot of people off Welfare. But every year things got worse. I used to get sour consolation from knowing that I wasn't going to be around when things fell to pieces. Now it looks like I will be. That's why I say: ‘Where do we go from here?" I don't know the answer, either.)

(Boss?)

(Yes, dearest?)

(I could see it, too. Moving from an Iowa farm to a big city made me see it. And I did have plans, sort of. I knew you were going to die, I couldn't help but know, and I figured that Joe would get tired of me someday—no kids and no prospect of any, and me someday no longer with a fine job that took care of everything Joe needed. I underrated Joe; nevertheless I never forgot that he could hand me a pink slip anytime. So I had plans, and saved my money. The Moon.)

(The Moon! Hey, that's a fine idea! Take one of Pan Am's package tours—deluxe with private courier and all the trimmings. Do it before we bulge so big we can't climb through a hatch. What do you say, little imp?)

(If you want to.)

(You don't sound enthusiastic.) (I'm not against it, Boss. But I wasn't saving money for a tourist trip. I meant to put my name on the list-and take the selection exams...and be able to pay the difference, since I didn't have one of the subsidized skills. Out-migrate. Permanently.)

(I'll be durned! You had this in mind—and never said a word?) (Why talk about if and when? I didn't plan to do it as long as you or Joe needed me. But I did have reason to be serious. I told you I was licensed for three kids.)

(Yes, surely. I've known it since your first security check.) (Well, three is a high quota, Boss—more than half a child over replacement. A woman can be proud of a three-baby license. But I wanted more.)

(So? You can, now. Fines are no problem, even though they've upped them again and made them progressive. Eunice, if you want babies, this one is just a starter.)

(Dear Boss. Let's see how we do with this one first. I knew I could not afford fines... but Luna has no restrictions against babies. They want babies, I think we're there.)

Finchley turned in at a gate—Agroproducts, Inc., Joan noticed—a competitor. He parked so as not to lock the gate, then got out and went to the guard post. He had parked at such an angle that Joan could not see what was going on, the armor between her and the control compartment cut off her view.

Finchley returned, the car rolled through the gate. "Miss Smith, I was told to hold it under twenty miles per hour, so no safety belts is okay now."

"Thank you, Finchley. How much was the bribe?"

"Oh, nothing to mutter, Miss."

"So? I expect to see it on O'Neil's Friday Report. If it is not there, I will have to ask you again."

"It'll be there, Miss," the driver answered promptly. "But I don't know yet what the total will be. Have to stop at their Administration Building and get us cleared through a back gate. To where you picnic."

(start here)

"To where we picnic." Joan stopped to think. It irked her to pay a bribe when her status as a major competitor (retired, conceded) entitled her by protocol to red-carpet treatment. But she had not sent word ahead, a minimum courtesy in visiting a competitor's plant, to allow him time to sweep dirt under the rug or to divert the visitor away from things. Industrial espionage could not with propriety be conducted at top level. "Finchley, did you tell the gate guard whom you were driving?"

"Oh, no, Miss!" Finchley sounded shocked. "But he checked the license even though I tell him it's your car—best to tell; he has a list of all private armoreds in the state, just like I have. What I tell him was, I'm driving guests of Mr. Salomon... and let him think it was a couple of Vips from the Coast with a yen to picnic in a safe spot. Didn't tell him anything really, except Mr. Salomon's name. That okay?"

"Just fine, Finchley." (Eunice, I feel like an interloper, being inside without giving my name. Rude.) (Look at it this way, Boss. You know who you are. But the public doesn't—not after that silly carnival yesterday. I think it's best to be Jake's guest... which is true, in a way.) (I still feel that I should tell Finchley to give my name to the Chief Agronomist. But would the word get out? Or, rather, how soon?) (Thirty minutes. Long enough for some clerk to phone in and a news copter to fly out. Then some snoop will try to interview you by loudspeaker because the boys won't let him land.)

(Some picnic!)

(If he does land, Shorty and Fred will be elbowing each other for a crack at him. Eager. Too eager. Boss, maybe you haven't noticed, but, while they call you ‘Miss Smith,' they treat you exactly as they treated me. In their heads they know you are you...but in their guts they feel you are me.) (That's not far wrong, Eunice. In my head I am me. ...ut in my guts—your pretty belly— I am you.)

(Boss, I like that. We're the only one-headed Siamese twins in history. But not everything in our belly is me. There's one wiggler swimming faster than the rest—and he is ‘Johann,' not Joan, not Eunice—and if he makes it to the finish line, he's more important than both of us put together.)

(My love, you're a sentimentalist.) (I'm a slob, Boss. And so are you.) (Nolo contendere. When I think about Johann and Eunice—both dead, really—getting together in Joan to make a baby, I come unstuck and want to cry.)

(Better not, Joan; the car is stopping. Boss? How long does it take a wiggler to get there? I know a spermatozoon has to move several inches to reach the ovum—but how fast does he swim?) (Durned if I know, dear. Let's leave that cork in place at least a couple of days. Give the little bastard every possible chance.) (Good!) (Do you know how to take it out? Or do we have to see Dr. O'Neil? We don't want to let Winnie in on this.) (Boss, I've seated them and taken them out so many times I can do it in my sleep. No fret, Annette. I've worn out more rubber baby bumpers than most girls have shoes.)

(Bragging.. Boasting.) (Only a trifle, Boss dearest. I told you I had always been an ever-ready. For years and years, any day I missed was not my idea. I knew my purpose in life clear back when I was a Girl Scout, no breasts, and still a virgin.)

Finchley returned to the car, spoke after he had buttoned in. "Miss?"

"Yes, Finchley."

"Farm boss sends greetings and says guests of Counselor Salomon are honored guests of Agroproducts. No bribe. But he asked if the main gate guard had put the squeeze; I told him No. Correct?"

"Of course, Finchley. We don't rat on other people's employees."

"Don't think he believed me but he didn't push it. He invited you both—assumed there was two and I didn't correct it—to stop for a drink or coffee on the way out. I let him think you might, or might not."

"Thank you, Finchley."

They continued through the farm, came to another high gate; Fred got out and pressed a button, spoke to the security office. The gate rolled back, closed after them. Shortly the car stopped; Finchley unloaded the passenger compartment, offered his hand to Joan Eunice.

She looked around. "Oh, this is lovely! I didn't know there were such places left."

The spot was beautiful in a simple fashion. A little stream, clear and apparently unpolluted, meandered between low tanks. On and near its banks were several sorts of trees and bushes, but they were not dense and there was a carpet of grass filling the open spaces. From its lawnlike texture it had apparently been grazed. The sky was blue and scattered fair-weather cumulus and the sunshine was golden warm without being too hot. (Eunice, isn't it grand?) (Uh huh. ‘Minds me of Iowa before the summer turns hot.)

Joan Eunice stripped off her sandals, tossed them into the car on top of her cloak. She wiggled her toes. "Oh, delicious! I haven't felt grass under my bare feet for more than twenty years. Finchley, Shorty, Fred—all of you! If you've got the sense God promised a doorknob, you'll take off your shoes and socks and give your feet a treat."

Shotguns looked impassive; Finchley looked thoughtful. Then he grinned. "Miss Smith, you don't have to tell me twice!" He reached down and unclicked his boots. Joan Eunice smiled, turned away, and wandered down toward the stream, judging that Shorty would be less shy about it if she did not stare.

(Eunice, is Iowa this beautiful? Still?) (Parts of it, hon. But it's filling up fast. Take where we lived, between Des Moines and Grinnell. Nothing but farms when I was a baby. But by the time I left home we had more commuter neighbors than farm neighbors. They were beginning to build enclaves, too.) (Dreadful. Eunice, this country is breeding itself to death.) (For a freshly knocked-up broad you have an odd attitude toward reproduction, twin. See that grassy spot where the stream turns?) (Yes, Why?) (It takes me back... it looks like a stream bank in Iowa where I surrendered my alleged innocence.) (Well! Nice place for it. Did you struggle?) (Twin, are you pulling my leg? I cooperated.) (Hurt?) (Not enough to slow me down. No reason for it to. Boss darling, I know how it was in your day. But there is no longer any issue over tissue. Girls with smart mothers have it removed surgically when they reach menarche. And some just lose it gradually and never know where it went. But the girl who yells bloody murder and bleeds like a stuck pig is rare bird today.) (Infant, I must again set you straight. Things haven't changed much. Except that people are more open about it now. Do you suppose that water is warm enough to swim in?)

(Warm enough, Boss. But how do we know it's clean? No telling what's upstream.)

(Eunice, you're a sissy. If you don't bet, you can't win.)

(That was true yesterday... but today we're an expectant mother. A babbling brook can be loaded with nineteen sorts of horribles.)

"Uh... oh, hell! If it's polluted, it'd be posted.) (Back here where you can't reach it without being passed through two electric gates? Ask Finchley; he may know.) (And if he says it's polluted?) (Then we go swimming anyhow. Boss, as you pointed out, if you don't bet, you can't win.) (Mmmm... if he knows it's polluted, I'm chicken. As you pointed out, beloved, we now have responsibilities. Let's go eat, I'm hungry.) (You're hungry? I was beginning to think you had given up the habit.) (So let's eat while we can. How soon does morning sickness start?) (Who dat, Boss? The other time the only effect it had was to make me hungry morning, noon, and night. Let's eat!)

Joan Eunice trotted back toward the car, stopped dead when she saw that Shorty was laying the car's folding table—with one place setting. "What's that?"

"Your lunch, Miss."

"A picnic? On a table? Do you want to starve the ants? It should be on the ground."

Shorty looked unhappy. "If you say, Miss." (Joan! You're not wearing panties. If you loll on the ground, you'll shock Shorty—and interest the others.) (Spoilsport. Oh, all right.)

"Since it's set up, Shorty, leave it that way. But set three more places."

"Oh, we eat in the car, Miss—we often do."

She stomped her foot. "Shorty, if you make me eat alone, I'll make you walk home. Whose idea was this? Finchley's? Finchley! Come here!"

A few moments later all four sat down at the table. It was crowded as Joan had insisted that everything be placed on it at once—"Just reach," she explained. "Or starve. Is there a strong man here who can open that wine bottle?"

The dexterity with which Shorty opened it caused her to suspect that he had not always been a teetotaler. She filled her glass and Fred's, then reached for Finchley's. He said, "Please, Miss Smith—I'm driving," and put his hand over it.

"Give it to me," she answered, "for four drops. For a toast. And four drops for you, Shorty, for the same purpose." She put about a quarter of an inch in each of their glasses. "But first—Shorty, will you say grace?"

The big man looked startled, at once regained his composure. "Miss Smith, I'd be pleased." He bowed his head; (Boss! What's eating you?) (Pipe down! Om Mani Padme Hum.) (Oh! Om Mani Padme Hum.) (Om Mani Padme Hum.) (Om Mani Padme Hum )

"Amen."

"Amen!"

(Om Mani Padme Hum. Amen.)

"Amen. Thank you, Shorty. Now for a toast—which is a sort of a prayer, too. We'll all drink it, so it must be to someone who isn't here... but should be." (Boss! You must stop this—it's morbid.) (Mind your own business!)

"Will one of you propose it?"

Finchley and Shorty looked at each other—looked away. Joan caught Fred's eye. "Fred?"

"Uh—Miss, I don't know how!" He seemed upset.

"You stand up"—Joan stood, the others followed—"and say whatever you like about someone who isn't here but would be welcome. Anyone we all like. You name the person to be honored." She raised her glass, realized her tears were starting. (Eunice! Are you crying? Or am I? I never used to cry!) (Then don't get me started, Boss—I told you I was a sentimental slob.)

Fred said uncertainly, "A toast to... someone we all like... and who should be here. And still is!" He suddenly looked frightened.

"Amen," Shorty said in sonorous baritone. " ‘And still is.' Because Heaven is as close as you'll let it be. That's what I tell my people, Fred... and in your heart you know I'm right." He poured down, solemnly and carefully, the symbolic teaspoonful of wine in his glass; they all drank.

Joan said quietly, "Thank you, Fred. She heard you. She heard you too, Shorty. She hears me now." (Boss! You've got them upset—and yourself, too. Tell them to sit down. And eat. Tell ‘em I said to! You've ruined a perfectly good picnic.) (No, I haven't.) "Finchley. You knew her well. Probably better than I did... for I was a cranky old man and she catered to my illness. What would she want us to do now?"

"What would... Mrs. Branca?...want us to do?"

"Yes. Did you call her ‘Mrs. Branca'? Or ‘Eunice'?"

(They called me ‘Eunice,' Boss—and after the first week I kissed them hello and good-bye and thanked them for taking care of me. Even if Jake could see. He just pretended not to notice.) (Busybody. You're a sweet girl, beloved. Anything more than kiss them?) (Heavens, Boss! Even getting them to accept a kiss in place of the tips they wouldn't take took doing.) (I'll bet!—on you, that is—sister tart.) (Knocked-up broad.)

"Uh, I called her ‘Mrs. Branca' at first. Then she called me ‘Tom' and I called her ‘Eunice.'

"All right, Tom, what does Eunice want us to do? Stand here crying? I see tears in your eyes; I'm not the only one crying. Would Eunice have us spoil a picnic?"

"Uh—She'd say, ‘Sit down and eat.'

"That she would!" Shorty agreed. "Eunice would say, ‘Don't let hot things get cold and cold things get hot—eat!"

"Yes," agreed Joan Eunice, sitting down, "as Eunice was never a spoilsport in all her short and beautiful life and wouldn't let anyone else be. Especially me, when I was cranky. Reach me a drumstick, Fred—no, don't pass it."

Joan took a bite of chicken. (Twin, what Shorty said sounded like a quotation.) (It was, Boss.) (Then you've eaten with him before.) (With all of them. When a team drove me late at night, I always invited them in for a bite. Joe never minded, he liked them all. Shorty he was especially glad to see; he wanted Shorty to model for him. At first Shorty thought Joe was making fun of him—didn't know that Joe rarely joked and never about painting. They never got to it, though, as Shorty is shy—wasn't sure it was all right to pose naked and scared that I might show up while he was posing. Not that I would have.) (Not even once, little imp? Shorty is a beautiful tower of ebony.) (Boss, I keep telling you—) (—that nudity doesn't mean anything to your generation. Depends on the skin, doesn't it? I would enjoy seeing our black giant—and that goes for Johann as well as for Joan.) (Well—) (Take your time thinking up a fib; I've got to make conversation.) "Tom, do you have those mustard pickles staked out, or may I have some? Shorty, you sounded as if you had sampled Eunice's cooking. Could she cook?"

Finchley answered, "You bet she could!"

"Real cooking? Anybody can flash a prepack—and that's what kids nowadays seem to think is cooking." (Boss, I'll spit in your soup!) "But what could she have done faced with flour and lard and baking powder and such?"

"Eunice would have done just fine," Shorty said quietly. "True, she mostly never had time for real cooking—but when she did—or whatever she done, anyways—she done just perfect."

(My fan! Boss—give him a raise.) (No.) (Stingy.) (No, Eunice. Shorty killed the vermin who killed you. I want to do something for him. But it can't be money; he would not accept it.)

"She was an artist," agreed Fred.

"You mean ‘artist' in the general sense. Her husband was, I recall, an artist in the usual sense. A painter. Is he a good one? I've never seen any of his work. Do any of you know?"

Finchley said, "I guess that's, a matter of opinion, Miss Smith. I like Joe Branca's paintings—but I don't know anything about art; I just know what I like. But—" He grinned. "Can I tell on you, Shorty?"

"Aw, Tom!"

"You were flattered, you know you were. Miss Smith, Joe Branca wanted to paint that big ape on your right."

(Bingo.') (Trouble, Eunice?) "And did he, Shorty?"

"Well, no. But he did ask me. He did." (Don't you see, Boss? This is that clincher. A fact you first learned from me and nowhere else... and then had confirmed to the hilt. Now you know I'm me.) (Oh, piffle, darling.) (But Boss—) (I've known you were you all along, beloved. But this isn't proof. Once I knew that Joe and Shorty had met, it was a logical necessity that Joe would want him to model—any artist would want to paint him.)

(Boss, you make sick! It's proof. I'm me.) (Beloved darling without whom life would not be worth living even in this beautiful body, I know you are you. But flatworms don't matter, coincidences don't matter, no mundane proof matters: There is no proof that some cocksure psychiatrist could not explain away as coincidence, or déjà vu, or self-­delusion. If we let them set the rules, we're lost. But we shan't. What does matter is that you have me, and I have you. Now shut up; I want to get them all so easy with me that they'll call me Eunice. You say they used to kiss you?)

(Oh, sure. Friendly kisses. Well, Dabrowski used to put zing in it but you know how Poles are.) (I'm afraid I don't.) (Put it this way, Boss. With a Pole don't advertise unless you mean to deliver—because his intentions are as honest as a loaded gun. With Dabrowski I was very careful not to let it go critical.)

(I'll remember. Just as well he isn't here. Because the situation is like that with Jake, only milder. Little baggage, you caused all my mobile guards to fall in love with you. So now I've got to get them to accept that you are dead while feeling that you are still alive, equally. If they call me ‘Eunice,' I'm halfway there. If they kiss me—) (What? Boss! Don't try it!)

(Now see here, Eunice! If you hadn't played ‘My Last Duchess' to half the county, I wouldn't be having to repair the damage.) (‘Damage,' huh? You're complaining?)

(No, no, my darling! Never. I was the prime beneficiary of your benevolence. But to lose something of value is a damage, and that is the damage I must repair.) (Well... I won't argue, dearest. But in this case you can let it be; I never let it warm up that much.) (And I say you don't know what you are talking about. Cool you may have meant to keep it. Unsexy—or as unsexy as you could manage which isn't very. But all four of my mobiles were willing to die for you—correct?) (Uh—) (Let's have no silly talk. Do you think the fact that I paid them had anything to do with their willingness? Careful how you answer.)

(Uh... I don't have to answer! Boss, what's the use of stirring them up over my death?) (Because, my darling, from now on they will be guarding me—as I now am, inside your lovely body—just as they guarded you. They've got to want to guard me, or they'll never be happy in this weird situation. It's either that, or fire them or retire them—) (Oh, no!) (Of course not. To paraphrase Sherlock Holmes; when you have eliminated what you can't do, what remains is what you must do. Besides, dearest and only, this is stern practice for the much harder case we still face.) (Jake? But Jake is—) (Little stupid! Jake has already accepted the impossible. I mean Joe.)

(But, Boss! You must never see Joe.)

(God knows I wish I could avoid it. Never mind, beloved; we won't see him until you know—as I do—that we must. Now either shut up, or coach me in how to handle these brave men.)

(Well... I'll help all I can. But you'll never get them as easy, as they were with me.—'kissing-friends' easy, I mean. 1 was an employee. You are the Boss.)

(If that argument were valid, queens would never get pregnant. Sure it makes it harder. But you've given me a lot to work with. Want to bet?)

(Oh, sure, I'll bet you a billion dollars you can't kiss even one of them. Don't be silly, Boss; we can never make a real bet, there is no way to pay off.) (You don't have much practice being an angel, do you. little imp? You still think in earthy terms. Certainly we can make a bet and pay off to the winner. This baby in us—) (Huh! Now wait a moment—) (You wait a moment, Eunice. If I win this bet, I name our baby. If I lose, you have, the privilege; Fair bet?)

(Oh. All right, it's a bet. But you'll lose.)

(We'll see.)

(Oh, yes, you will, Boss. You'll lose even if you win. Want to know why?) (Planning on cheating?) (Not necessary, Boss darling; you're going to find that you want to name the baby whatever name I want it to have. Because you're a sucker for a pretty girl, Boss, always have been and still are.) (Now wait a moment. I used to be, but now I am that ‘pretty girl' and—) (You'll find out. Do you want coaching? I'll help you win if it can be done. It can't.) (Yes, but tuck your advice in edgeways; I've been chewing this bone too long.) "Fred, I'll trade you one of these Danish sandwiches for more wine. Then keep our glasses filled; Shorty doesn't drink and Tom won't and I want company in getting tiddly, this is my freedom celebration."

(Fred might be easiest if you can get him over seeing ghosts when he looks at you.) "I don't mind another glass, Miss, but I mustn't get tiddly, I'm on duty."

"Pish and tush. Tom and Shorty will get us home even if they have to drag us. Right, Shorty?" (Shorty is your impossible case. I managed it only by being ‘little girl' to him—which you can't be, Boss.)

"We'll certainly try, Miss Smith."

"Do I have to be ‘Miss Smith' on a picnic? You called Mrs. Branca ‘Eunice,' did you not? Did she call you ‘Shorty?'

"Miss, she called me by my name. Hugo."

"Do you prefer that to your nickname?"

"It's the name my mother gave me, Miss."

"That answers me, Hugo;-I will remember. But it brings to mind a problem. Anybody want to fight me for the ‘last black olive? Come on, put up your dukes. But that's not the problem. I said I didn't want to be called ‘Miss Smith' under these circumstances. But I don't want to be called

‘Johann' either; that's a man's name. Hugo, you have christened babies?"

"Many times, Miss—uh, Miss—"

Joan cut in fast. "That's right, you don't know what to call me. Hugo, having named so many babies you must have opinions about names. Do you think ‘Joan' pronounced as two syllables would be a good name for a girl who used to be a man named ‘Johann?'"

"Yes. I do."

"Tom? What do you think?" (Tom would kiss you at the drop of a hint if you weren't his employer. I don't think he ever did give up hoping to catch me alone... so I was as careful not to let that chance come up as I was with Dabrowski. All it took with Tom was to say, ‘Tom, if you're going to be stuffy about letting me pay for extra service'—it was an after-midnight run, Boss; a rare-blood call—'at least you can kiss me good-night.' So he did, quite well. After which Hugo was too polite not to lean way down and give me a fatherly little peck. But what worked for Eunice can't work for ‘Miss Smith.') (So watch me switch decks on them, young 'un.)

"It sounds like a good name to me," the driver-guard agreed.

"Fred? Do I look like ‘Joan' to you?" She sat up straight and lifted her chest. (You look like you're going to break that bandeau, if you aren't careful.) (Pfui, little hussy; it can't break. I want him to realize that I'm female.) (He realizes it. Winnie ought to be here to take his pulse.)

"I don't see why anybody should get a vote but you. But, sure, I like it."

"Good! I still have to sign papers with my former name—but I'm ‘Joan' in my mind. But, friends, this country must have a thousand ‘Joan Smiths' in it; I need a middle name. But I want one for a much better reason." She looked with solemn seriousness at the giant black. "Hugo, you are a man of God. Would it be presumptuous of me to call myself... ‘Joan Eunice?'"

(Boss, if you make my friend Hugo cry, I'll—I'll—I won't speak to you the rest of the day!) (Oh, quit nagging! Hugo won't cry. He's the only one of the three who believes you're here. He has faith.)

"I think that would be beautiful," the Reverend Hugo White answered solemnly and sniffed back tears.

"Hugo, Eunice would not want you to be sad about it."

She looked away from him, her own eyes bright with unshed tears. "That settles it. My new name will be—is!—Joan Eunice. I don't want anyone ever to forget Eunice. Most especially I want you, her friends, to know this. Now that I am a woman, Eunice is my model, the ideal I must live up to, every hour, every minute, of my new life. Will you help me? Will you treat me as Eunice?

Yes, yes, I'm your employer; somehow I must be both, and it's not easy. But the most difficult part for me is to learn to behave and think and feel as Eunice...when I've had so many weary years as a cranky, self-centered old man. You are her friends.—will you help me?" (Boss, did you ever sell real estate in Florida?) (Damn it, if you can't help, keep quiet!) (Sorry, Boss. That was applause. As Hugo would say, ‘You done perfect.')

Tom Finchley said quietly, "We'll help, that goes for Dabrowski too. By the way, she called him ‘Anton' First she called him ‘Ski' like the rest of us. Then she learned his first name and called him by it."

"Then I will call him ‘Anton.' Will you all call me ‘Eunice'? Or at least ‘Joan Eunice'? To help me? Oh, call me ‘Miss Smith' when others are around; I know you won't feel easy otherwise. You probably called her ‘Mrs. Branca' if other people were—"

"We did."

"So call me ‘Miss Smith' when it would be natural for you to call her ‘Mrs. Branca.' But when you called her ‘Eunice,' call me ‘Joan Eunice' and—dear and trusted friends! —any time you feel that I have earned it, please call me ‘Eunice.' It will be the highest compliment you can pay me, so don't use it lightly. Leave off the ‘Joan' and call me ‘Eunice.' Will you?"

Fmchley looked at her, unsmiling. "Yes... Eunice."

"Tom, I haven't earned it yet."

Finchley did not answer. Fred said, "Let me get this straight. ‘Joan Eunice' is for everyday... but ‘Eunice' means we think you've done and said just what Mrs. Branca would have."

"That's right, that's what I said."

"Then I know what Tom meant. Uh, this has been a touchy day—worse for you, I'd say, but not easy for any of us. Shorty—Hugo, I mean—said she was an angel. Or meant it, anyhow. I can't argue; Shorty is a preacher and knows more about angels and suchlike than I do. But if she was—is, I mean—still, she had a lot of salt and pepper in her, too. You remember an hour back when you snapped at Shorty and yelled for Tom?"

She sighed. "Yes, I remember. I lost my temper. I've got a long way to go. I know it."

"Rut that's just what I'm saying...Eunice. She had a lot of spunk. It we had tried to make her eat by herself, she would have kicked the gong. Right, Shorty?—I mean ‘Hugo.'

"Amen! Eunice."

Finchley said, "Fred read my mind close enough Eunice. But I was thinking of other things, too. I never thought of her as an angel, particularly. She just treated us like people."

"Tom—"

"Yeah, Shorty? Hugo."

"My name's Shorty to you—and to you, Fred. Don't put on any fancies. Hugo was Mama's name for me. And hers. Yours, Eunice. But I near forgot what I had to say. Tom, that's all anybody wants. To be treated ‘like people.' She done it that way—Eunice. And now you do, too. ‘Like people.' Mr. Smith didn't quite manage it. But he was old and sick, and we made allowances."

"Oh, dear! I feel like crying again. Hugo—when I was Mr. Smith, I never meant to be anything but people. Truly I didn't."

"Sick people can't help being cranky. My Daddy got so mean before he passed on, I run away from home. Worst mistake I ever made. But I don't fault him for it. We do what we do, then we live with it. Eunice—the first Eunice—is an angel now, my heart tells me and my head knows. But she had her little human ways; same as everybody. The dear Lord don't fault us for that."

"Hugo? If it had been me and not her, would I have made it? To Heaven?" (Om Mam Padme Hum! Watch it, Boss! He'll drag you over to that creek and wash your sins away.) (If he wants to, I'll let him. Shut up!)

"I don't rightly know," the preacher said softly. "I never knew Mr. Smith that well. But the Lord do move in mysterious ways. Looks like He give you a second chance. He always knows what He's doing." (Oh, all right, twin. Try not to get water up our nose.)

"Thank you, Hugo. I think He did, too—and I'm trying to justify it." She sighed. "But it's not easy. I try to do what Eunice would do. At least justify the second chance she gave me. I think I know what she Would do now. But I'm not certain." (I'd knock off all this talk, that's what I'd do.) (Pipe down and give me a chance.) She looked around. "I don't know how well you knew her and I keep learning things about her. I think you ‘three—you four; I include Anton—must have been her closest friends, at least in my household. Certainly you knew her better than I had thought. Tom?"

"Yes, Eunice?"

"Did you ever kiss her?"

Her driver looked startled. "Yes... Joan Eunice."

"Meaning Eunice would never ask such a question, she would just do what her heart told her to. I wanted to, Tom—but I was scared. Not yet used to being a girl." She jumped up, stood by his chair, took his hands, pulled.

Slowly he got to his feet. She put her arms around his shoulders, put up her face—waited.

He sighed and almost scowled, then took her in his arms and kissed her. (Twin, he can do lots better.) (He will. The poor dear is scared.) Joan let him go without forcing it beyond his willingness, whispered, "Thank you, Tom," and quickly left his arms—went on to Fred, took his hands. Again Fred looked frightened but he got up promptly. (What about Fred, Eunice? Sexy or sisterly?) (Too late, twin!) Fred embraced her with unexpected force, met her mouth so quickly that Joan was caught with her lips open and he at once answered it, savagely. But briefly. He broke from it and both were trembling.

(Eunice! What is this? You didn't warn me.) (So I goofed. Later, dear. Slow march now and say three Money Hums and be darn sure to be an innocent child with Father Hugo.)

Joan went slowly around the table the long way, stopped by Hugo, waited. He got up from his chair, looked down at her. She moved closer, put her hands on his chest, looked up, face solemn, lips closed, eyes open.

Gently he put his arms around her. (My God, Eunice, if he really hugged us, he ‘ud break us in two!) (He never will, twin; he's the gentlest man alive.)

Hugo's lips met hers in soft benediction, unhurried but quickly over. She stayed in his arms a moment. "Hugo?

When you pray for her tonight, will you add a prayer for me? I may not deserve it. But I need it."

"I will, Eunice." He seated her with gallant grace, then sat down again. (High, low, jack, and game, twin—what are you going to name him?) (‘Eunice,' of course!) (Even if he's a boy?) (If he's a boy, he'll be named Jacob E.—for ‘Eunice'—Smith.) (‘Johann E Smith' is better.) (I won the bet, so shut up. I won't wish ‘Johann' on a boy. Now what's this about Fred?) (You won't believe it.) (By now I believe anything. All right, later.) "Fred, is there any wine in that bottle? Hugo, will you open the second bottle? I need it, I'm shaky."

"Certainly, Eunice. Hand me the bottle, Fred."

"I'm going to eat some more, too, and I hope all of you will. Tom, am I still ‘Eunice'? Or am I a hussy who doesn't understand how a lady behaves?"

"Yes, Eunice. I mean ‘No, Eunice.' I—Oh, hell!"

She patted his hand. "That's the nicest compliment I've had yet, Tom. You would never have said ‘Oh, hell' to Miss Smith... but you know that Eunice and Joan Eunice—is human." She looked around the table. "Do you know how good it is to be touched? Have you ever watched kittens snuggling? For over a quarter of a century no one kissed me. Except for an occasional handshake I don't think anyone ever touched me. Until nurses and doctors started handling me. Friends—dear friends—you have taken me back into the human race, with your lips. I am so very grateful to Eunice—to Eunice Branca—that she kissed you before I did, and won your friendship—your love? I think so. For it meant that you let me in—treated me as ‘people'! Uh, tell me this, I must know—even if it makes you, Tom, call me ‘Joan Eunice' again. Did Eunice kiss Anton, too?" (Boss, I'm not going to tell you anything until we're alone!) (Didn't ask you, dear.)

"Won't anyone tell me? Well, I suppose it's an unfair question."

Finchley said suddenly, "Teams shift around. I drive with Fred, and Shorty with Ski, and so forth. Been times when 1 rode Shotgun for Ski. Eunice, she treated us all alike. But don't never think anything bad about it—"

"I don't!"

"—because there wasn't any such. She was so warm and friendly—and good—that she could kiss a man friend just for, uh—"

"For lovingkindness," Shorty supplied,.

"‘For lovingkindness.' Kissed us thank-you and good-night as quick with her husband there as any other time. Always did, if we stopped for a late bit o' supper with them." (All right, twin. Fred and Anton. Not Tom and Hugo. Happened only once. Oh, Tom would have, but no chance, so I kept it cool. Hugo—nobody gets past Hugo's guard and I never tried. He has moral character—something you and I don't know anything about.)

"Thank you for telling me, Tom. I'll never let Anton guess. But he'll find me easy to kiss if he wishes to... now that I know that she shared lovingkindness with him.

Abrupt change of subject: Tom, is that pretty little stream polluted? It looks so clean."

"It's clean. Clean as a creek can be, I mean. I know because I found out about this place through the company lending it to our guild for a picnic. Some of us went swimming after the farm super told us it was okay."

"Oh, wonderful! Because I want to swim. I last went swimming in natural water—old swimming hole style, I mean—let me see... goodness! More than three-quarters of a century ago."

"Eunice, I don't think you should."

"Why?"

"Because it can be polluted another way. Dropouts. Not all the dropouts are in the A.A.s; any wild countryside attracts them. Like this. I didn't make a fuss but when you walked down to the bank by yourself, Fred had you flanked one side and me the other."

"Well, heavens, if you can keep me safe on the bank, you can keep me safe in the water."

"It ain't quite the same, truly it ain't. I was a few seconds late once, I won't be again. Some dropouts are real nasty weirdos, not just harmless nuts."

"Tom, why argue? I want to get into that water, feel it all over me. I intend to."

"I wish you wouldn't... Joan Eunice."

She jerked her head around at the last two words. Then she grinned and pouted her lower lip. "Okay, Tom. Darn it, I've handed you three a leash you can lead me by any time you see fit. And yet I'm supposed to be boss. It's comical."

"It's like the Secret Service," Finchley answered soberly. "The President is the top boss of any... but he gives in when his guards tell him not to do something."

"Oh, I wasn't complaining; I was wryly amused. But don't jerk that leash too much, Tom; I don't think Eunice would stand for it and neither will I."

"I'm hoping you won't pull on the leash as much as she did. If she, uh—well, things coulda been different."

Fred said, "Tom, don't cry over spilt milk."

Joan said quickly, "I'm sorry. Boys, I think the picnic is over. Maybe someday we pan all have that swim somewhere safe and just as beautiful." (Eunice, can you swim?) (Red Cross lifesaver—you knew that, it was in my snoopsheet. Never went out for the team, though; cheerleader was more fun.) (I could make a comment.) (Look who's talking! No-Pants Smith.) (Who taught me?)

(You didn't need teaching; you have the instincts.)