Glory Road

Chapter 20

I let the precious, useless gems dribble through my fingers, listlessly pushed them aside. If I were only a hundred years older—

But Star was right. She could not leave her post without relief. Her notion of proper relief, not mine nor anyone else's. And I couldn't stay in this upholstered jail much longer without beating my head on the bars.

Yet both of us wanted to stay together.

The real nasty hell of it was that I knew—just as she knew—that each of us would forget. Some, anyhow. Enough so that there would be other shoes, other men, and she would laugh again.

And so would I—She had seen that and had gravely, gently, with subtle consideration for another's feelings, told me indirectly that I need not feel guilty when next I courted some other girl, in some other land, somewhere.

Then why did I feel like a heel?

How did I get trapped with no way to turn without being forced to choose between hurting my beloved and going clean off my rocker?

I read somewhere about a man who lived on a high mountain, because of asthma, the choking, killing land, while his wife lived on the coast below him, because of heart trouble that could not stand altitude. Sometimes they looked at each other through telescopes.

In the morning there had been no talk of Stars retiring. The unstated quid-pro-quo was that, if she planned to retire, I would hang around (thirty years!) until she did. Her Wisdom had concluded that I could not, and did not speak of it. We had a luxurious breakfast and were cheerful, each with his secret thoughts.

Nor were children mentioned. Oh, I would find that clinic, do what was needed. If she wanted to mix her star line with my common blood, she could, tomorrow or a hundred years hence. Or smile tenderly and have it cleaned out with the rest of the trash. None of my people had even been mayor of Podunk and a plow horse isn't groomed for the Irish Sweepstakes. If Star put a child together from our genes, it would be sentiment, a living valentine—a younger poodle she could pet before she let it run free. But sentiment only, as sticky if not as morbid as that of her aunt with the dead husbands, for the Imperium could not use my bend sinister.

I looked up at my sword, hanging opposite me. I hadn't touched it since the party, long past, when Star chose to dress for the Glory Road. I took it down, buckled it on and drew it—felt that surge of liveness and had a sudden vision of a long road and a castle on a hill.

What does a champion owe his lady when the quest is done?

Quit dodging, Gordon! What does a husband owe his wife? This very sword—"Jump Rogue and Princess leap. My wife art thou and mine to keep." "—for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse...to love and to cherish, till death do us part." That was what I meant by that doggerel and Star had known it and I had known it and knew it now.

When we vowed, it had seemed likely that we would be parted by death that same day. But that didn't reduce the vow nor the deepness with which I had meant it. I hadn't jumped the sword to catch a tumble on the grass before I died; I could have had that free. No, I had wanted "—to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, till death do us part"!

Star had kept her vow to the letter. Why did I have itchy feet?

Scratch a hero and find a bum.

And a retired hero was as silly as those out-of-work kings that clutter Europe.

I slammed out of our "flat," wearing sword and not giving a damn about stares, apported to our therapists, found where I should go, went there, did what was necessary, told the boss biotechnician that Her Wisdom must be told, and jumped down his throat when he asked questions.

Then back to the nearest apport booth and hesitated—I needed companionship the way an Alcoholics-Anonymous needs his hand held. But I had no intimates, just hundreds of acquaintances. It isn't easy for the Empress's consort to have friends.

Rufo it had to be. But in all the months I had been on Center I had never been in Rufo's home. Center does not practice the barbarous custom of dropping in on people and I had seen Rufo only at the Residence, or on parties; Rufo had never invited me to his home. No, no coldness there; we saw him often, but always he had come to us.

I looked for him in apport listings—no luck. Then as little with see-speak lists. I called the Residence, got the communication officer. He said that "Rufo" was not a surname and tried to brush me off. I said, "Hold it, you overpaid clerk! Switch me off and you'll be in charge of smoke signals in Timbuktu an hour from now. Now listen. This bloke is elderly, baldheaded, one of his names is ‘Rufo' I think, and he is a distinguished comparative culturologist. And he is a grandson of Her Wisdom. I think you know who he is and have been dragging your feet from bureaucratic arrogance. You have five minutes. Then I talk to Her Wisdom and ask her, while you pack!"

("Stop! Danger you! Other old bald Rufo (?) top compculturist. Wisdom egg-sperm-egg. Five-minutes. Liar and/or fool. Wisdom? Catastrophe!")

In less than five minutes Rufo's image filled the tank. "Well!" he said. "I wondered who had enough weight to crash my shutoff."

"Rufo, may I come see you?"

His scalp wrinkled. "Mice in the pantry, son? Your face reminds me of the time my uncle—"

"Please, Rufo!"

"Yes, son," he said gently. "I'll send the dancing girls home. Or shall I keep them?"

"I don't care. How do I find you?"

He told me, I punched his code, added my charge number, and I was there, a thousand miles around the horizon. Rufo's place was a mansion as lavish as Jocko's and thousands of years more sophisticated. I gathered an impression that Rufo had the biggest household on Center, all female. I was wrong. But all female servants, visitors, cousins, daughters, made themselves a reception committee—to look at Her Wisdom's bedmate. Rufo shooed them away and took me to his study. A dancing girl (evidently a secretary) was fussing over papers and tapes. Rufo slapped her fanny out, gave me a comfortable chair, a drink, put cigarettes near me, sat down and said nothing.

Smoking isn't popular on Center, what they use as tobacco is the reason. I picked up a cigarette. "Chesterfields! Good God!"

"Have ‘em smuggled," he said. "But they don't make anything like Sweet Caps anymore. Bridge sweepings and chopped hay."

I hadn't smoked in months. But Star had told me that cancer and such I could now forget. So I lit it—and coughed like a Nevian dragon. Vice requires constant practice.

" ‘What news on the Rialto?' " Rufo inquired. He glanced at my sword.

"Oh, nothing." Having interrupted Rufo's work, I now shied at baring my domestic troubles.

Rufo sat and smoked and waited. I needed to say something and the American cigarette reminded me of an incident, one that had added to my unstable condition. At a party a week earlier, I had met a man thirty-five in appearance, smooth, polite, but with that supercilious air that says: "Your fly is unzipped, old man, but I'm too urbane to mention it."

But I had been delighted to meet him, he had spoken English!

I had thought that Star, Rufo, and myself were the only ones on Center who spoke English. We often spoke it. Star on my account, Rufo because he liked to practice. He spoke Cockney like a costermonger, Bostonese like Beacon Hill, Aussie like a kangaroo; Rufo knew all English languages.

This chap spoke good General American. "Nebbi is the name, he said, shaking hands where no one shakes hands, "and you're Gordon, I know. Delighted to meet you."

"Me, too," I agreed. "It's a surprise and a pleasure to hear my own language."

"Professional knowledge, my dear chap. Comparative culturologist, linguisto-historo-political. You're American, I know. Let me place it—Deep-South, not born there. Possibly New England. Overlaid with displaced Middle Western, California perhaps. Basic speech, lower-middle class, mixed."

The smooth oaf was good. Mother and I lived in Boston while my father was away, 1942-45. I'll never forget those winters; I wore overshoes from November to April. I had lived Deep South, Georgia and Florida, and in California at La Jolla during the Korean unWar and, later, in college. "Lower-middle class"? Mother had not thought so.

"Near enough," I agreed. "I know one of your colleagues."

"I know whom you mean, ‘the Mad Scientist.' Wonderful wacky theories. But tell me: How were things when you left? Especially, how is the United States getting along with its Noble Experiment?"

" ‘Noble Experiment'?" I had to think; Prohibition was gone before I was born. "Oh, that was repealed."

"Really? I must go back for a field trip. What have you now? A king? I could see that your country was headed that way but I did not expect it so soon."

"Oh, no," I said. "I was talking about Prohibition."

"Oh, that. Symptomatic but not basic. I was speaking of the amusing notion of chatter rule. ‘Democracy.' A curious delusion—as if adding zeros could produce a sum. But it was tried in your tribal land on a mammoth scale. Before you were born, no doubt. I thought you meant that even the corpse had been swept away." He smiled. "Then they still have elections and all that?"

"The last time I looked, yes."

"Oh, wonderful. Fantastic, simply fantastic. Well, we must get together, I want to quiz you. I've been studying your planet a long time—the most amazing pathologies in tile explored complex. So long. Don't take any wooden nickels, as your tribesmen say."

I told Rufo about it. "Rufe, I know I came from a barbarous planet. But does that excuse his rudeness? Or was it rudeness? I haven't really got the hang of good manners here."

Rufo frowned. "It is bad manners anywhere to sneer at a person's birthplace, tribe, or customs. A man does it at his own risk. If you kill him, nothing will happen to you. It might embarrass Her Wisdom a little. If She can be embarrassed."

"I won't kill him, it's not that important."

"Then forget it. Nebbi is a snob. He knows a little, understands nothing, and thinks the universes would be better if he had designed them. Ignore him."

"I will. It was just—look, Rufo, my country isn't perfect. But I don t enjoy hearing it from a stranger."

"Who does? I like your country, it has flavor. But—I'm not a stranger and this is not a sneer. Nebbi was right."

"Huh?"

"Except that he sees only the surface. Democracy can't work. Mathematicians, peasants, and animals, that's all there is—so democracy, a theory based on the assumption that mathematicians and peasants are equal, can never work. Wisdom is not additive; its maximum is that of the wisest man in a given group.

"But a democratic form of government is okay, as long as it doesn't work. Any social organization does well enough if it isn't rigid. The framework doesn't matter as long as there is enough looseness to permit that one man in a multitude to display his genius. Most so-called social scientists seem to think that organization is everything. It is almost nothing—except when it is a straitjacket. It is the incidence of heroes that counts, not the pattern of zeros."

He added, "Your country has a system free enough to let its heroes work at their trade. It should last a long time—unless its looseness is destroyed from inside."

"I hope you're right."

"I am right. This subject I know and I'm not stupid, as Nebbi thinks. He's right about the futility of ‘adding zeros'—but he doesn't realize that he is a zero."

I grinned. "No point in letting a zero get my goat."

"None. Especially as you are not. Wherever you go, you will make yourself felt, you won't be one of the nerd. I respect you, and I don't respect many. Never people as a whole, I could never be a democrat at heart. To claim to ‘respect' and even to ‘love' the great mass with their yaps at one end and smelly feet at the other requires the fatuous, uncritical, saccharine, blind, sentimental slobbishness found in some nursery supervisors, most spaniel dogs, and all missionaries. It isn't a political system, it's a disease. But be of good cheer; your American politicians are immune to this disease...and your customs allow the non-zero elbow room."

Rufo glanced at my sword again. "Old friend, you didn't come here to bitch about Nebbi." "No." I looked down at that keen blade. "I fetched this to shave you, Rufo."

"Eh?"

"I promised I would shave your corpse. I owe it to you for the slick job you did on me. So here I am, to shave the barber."

He said slowly, "But I'm not yet a corpse." He did not move. But his eyes did, estimating distance between us. Rufo wasn't counting on my being "chivalrous"; he had lived too long.

"Oh, that can be arranged," I said cheerfully, "unless I get straight answers from you."

He relaxed a touch. "I'll try, Oscar."

"More than try, please. You're my last chance. Rufo, this must be private. Even from Star."

"Under the Rose. My word on it."

"With your fingers crossed, no doubt. But don't risk it, I'm serious. And straight answers, I need them. I want advice about my marriage."

He looked glum. "And I meant to go out today. Instead I worked. Oscar, I would rather criticize a woman's firstborn, or even her taste in hats. Much safer to teach a shark to bite. What if I refuse?"

"Then I shave you!"

"You would, you heavy-handed headsman!" He frowned. " ‘Straight answers—‘ You don't want them, you want a shoulder to cry on."

"Maybe that, too. But I do want straight answers, not the lies you can tell in your sleep."

"So I lose either way. Telling a man the truth about his marriage is suicide. I think I'll sit tight and see if you have the heart to cut me down in cold blood."

"Oh, Rufo, I'll put my sword under your lock and key if you like. You know I would never draw against you."

"I know no such thing," he said querulously. "There's always that first time. Scoundrels are predictable, but you're a man of honor and that frightens me. Can't we handle this over the see-speak?"

"Come off it, Rufo. I've nobody else to turn to. I want you to speak frankly. I know that a marriage counselor has to lay it on the line, pull no punches. For the sake of blood we've lost together I ask you to advise me. And frankly, of course!"

" ‘Of course,' is it? The last time I risked it you were for cutting the tongue out of me." He looked at me moodily. "But I was ever a fool where friendship speaks. Hear, I'll dicker ye a fair dicker. You talk, I'll listen...and if it should come about that you're taking so long that my tired old kidneys complain and I'm forced to leave your welcome company for a moment...why, then you'll misunderstand and go away in a huff and we'll say no more about it. Eh?"

"Okay."

"The Chair recognizes you. Proceed."

So I talked. I talked out my dilemma and frustration, sparing neither self nor Star (it was for her sake, too, and it wasn't necessary to speak of our most private matters; those, at least, were dandy). But I told our quarrels and many matters best kept in the family, I had to.

Rufo listened. Presently he stood up and paced, looking troubled. Once he tut-tutted over the men Star had brought home. "She shouldn't have called her maids in. But do forget it, lad. She never remembers that men are shy, whereas females merely have customs. Allow Her this."

Later he said, "No need to be jealous of Jocko, son. He drives a tack with a sledgehammer."

"I'm not jealous."

"That's what Menelaus said. But leave room for give and take. Every marriage needs it."

Finally I ran down, having told him Star's prediction that I would leave. "I'm not blaming her for anything and talking about it has straightened me out. I can sweat it out now, behave myself, and be a good husband. She does make terrible sacrifices to do her job—and the least I can do is make it easier. She's so sweet and gentle and good."

Rufo stopped, some distance away with his back to his desk. "You think so?"

"I know so."

"She's an old bag!"

I was out of my chair and at him at once. I didn't draw. Didn't think of it, wouldn't have anyhow. I wanted to get my hands on him and punish him for talking that way about my beloved.

He bounced over the desk like a ball and by the time I covered the length of the room, Rufo was behind it, one hand in a drawer.

"Naughty, naughty," he said. "Oscar, I don't want to shave you."

"Come out and fight like a man!"

"Never, old friend. One step closer and you're dog meat. All your fine promises, your pleadings. ‘Pull no punches' you said. ‘Lay it on the line' you said. ‘Speak frankly' you said. Sit down in that chair."

" ‘Speaking frankly' doesn't mean being insulting!"

"Who's to judge? Can I submit my remains for approval before I make them? Don't compound your broken promises with childish illogic. And would you force me to buy a new rug? I never keep one I've killed a friend on; the stains make me gloomy. Sit down in that chair."

I sat down.

"Now," said Rufo, staying where he was, "you will listen while I talk. Or perhaps you will get up and walk out. In which case I might be so pleased to see the last of your ugly face that that might be that. Or I might be so annoyed at being interrupted that you would drop dead in the doorway, for I've much pent up and ready to spill over. Suit yourself.

"I said," he went on, "that my grandmother is an old bag. I said it brutally, to discharge your tension—and now you're not likely to take too much offense at many offensive things I still must say. She's old, you know that, though no doubt you find it easy to forget, mostly. I forget it myself, mostly, even though She was old when I was a babe making messes on the floor and crowing at the dear sight of Her. Bag, She is, and you know it. I could have said ‘experienced woman' but I had to rap your teeth with it; you've been dodging it even while you've been telling me how well you know it—and how you don't care. Granny is an old bag, we start from there.

"And why should She be anything else? Tell yourself the answer. You're not a fool, you're merely young. Ordinarily She has but two possible pleasures and the other She can't indulge."

"What's the other one?"

"Handing down bad decisions through sadistic spite, that's the one She dare not indulge. So let us be thankful that Her body has built into it this harmless safety valve, else we would all suffer grievously before somebody managed to kill Her. Lad, dear lad, can you dream how mortal tired She must be of most things? Your own zest soured in only months. Think what it must be to hear the same old weary mistakes year after year with nothing to hope for but a clever assassin. Then be thankful that She still pleasures in one innocent pleasure. So She's an old bag and I mean no disrespect; I salute a beneficent balance between two things She must be to do her job.

"Nor did She stop being what She is by reciting a silly rhyme with you one bright day on a hilltop. You think She has taken a vacation from it since, sticking to you only. Possibly She has, if you have quoted Her exactly and I read the words rightly; She always tells the truth.

"But never all the truth—who can? -- and She is the most skillful liar by telling the truth you'll ever meet. I misdoubt your memory missed some innocent-sounding word that gave an escape yet saved your feelings.

"If so, why should She do more than save your feelings? She's fond of you, that's dear—but must She be fanatic about it? All Her training, Her special bent, is to avoid fanaticism always, find practical answers. Even though She may not have mixed up the shoes, as yet, if you stay on a week or a year or twenty and time comes when She wants to. She can find ways, not lie to you in words—and hurt Her conscience not at all because She hasn't any. Just Wisdom, utterly pragmatic."

Rufo cleared his throat. "Now refutation and counterpoint and contrariwise. I like my grandmother and love Her as much as my meager nature permits and respect Her right down to Her sneaky soul—and I'll kill you or anyone who gets in Her way or causes Her unhappiness—and only part of this is that She has handed on to me a shadow of Her own self so that I understand Her. If She is spared assassins knife or blast or poison long enough, She'll go down in history as ‘The Great.' But you spoke of Her ‘terrible sacrifices.' Ridiculous! She likes being ‘Her Wisdom,' the Hub around which all worlds turn. Nor do I believe that She would give it up for you or fifty better. Again, She didn't lie, as you've told it—She said ‘if'...knowing that much can happen in thirty year's, or twenty-five, among which is the near certainty that you wouldn't stay that long. A swindle.

"But that's the least of swindles She's put over on you. She conned you from the moment you first saw Her and long before. She cheated both ways from the ace, forced you to pick the shell with the pea, sent you like any mark anxious for the best of it, cooled you off when you started to suspect, herded you back into line and to your planned fate—and made you like it. She's never fussy about method and would con the Virgin Mary and make a pact with the Old One all in one breath, did it suit Her purpose. Oh, you got paid, yes, and good measure to boot; there's nothing small about Her. But its time you knew you were conned. Mind you, I'm not criticizing Her, I'm applauding—and I helped...save for one queasy moment when I felt sorry for the victim. But you were so conned you wouldn't listen, thank any saints who did. I lost my nerve for a bit, thinking that you were going to a sticky death with your innocent eyes wide. But She was smarter than I am. She always has been.

"Now! I like Her. I respect Her. I admire Her. I even love Her a bit. All of Her, not just Her pretty aspects but also all the impurities that make Her steel as hard as it must be. How about you, sir? What's your feeling about Her now...knowing She conned you, knowing what She is?"

I was still sitting. My drink was by me, untouched all this long harangue.

I took it and stood up. "Here's to the grandest old bag in twenty universes!"

Rufo bounced over the desk again, grabbed his glass. "Say that loud and often! And to Her, She'd love it! May She be blessed by God, Whoever He is, and kept safe. We'll never see another like Her, mores the pity! -- for we need them by the gross!"

We tossed it down and smashed our grasses. Rufo fetched fresh ones, poured, settled in his chair, and said, "Now for serious drinking. Did I ever tell you about the time my—"

"You did. Rufo, I want to know about this swindle."

"Such as?"

"Well, I can see much of it. Take that first time we flew—"

He shuddered. "Lets not."

"I never wondered then. But, since Star can do this, we could have skipped Igli, the Horned Ghosts, the marsh, the time wasted with Jocko—"

"Wasted?"

"For her purpose. And the rats and hogs and possibly the dragons. Flown directly from that first Gate to the second. Right?"

He shook his head. "Wrong."

"I don't see it."

"Assuming that She could fly us that far, a question I hope never to settle, She could have flown us to the Gate She preferred. What would you have done then? If popped almost directly from Nice to Karth-Hokesh? Charged out and fought like a wolverine, as you did? Or said ‘Miss, you've made a mistake. Show me the exit from this Fun House—I'm not laughing.' "

"Well—I wouldn't have bugged out"

"But would you have won? Would you have been at that keen edge of readiness it took?"

"I see. Those first rounds were live ammo exercises in my training. Or was it live ammo? Was all that first part swindle? Maybe with hypnotism, to make it feel right? God knows she's expert. No danger till we reached the Black Tower?"

He shuddered again. "No, no! Oscar, any of that could have killed us. I never fought harder in my life, nor was ever more frightened. None of it could be skipped. I don't understand all Her reasons. I'm not Her Wisdom. But She would never risk Herself unless necessary. She would sacrifice ten million brave men, were it needed, as the cheaper price. She knows what She's worth. But She fought beside us with all She has—you saw! Because it had to be."

"I still don't understand all of it."

"Nor will you. Nor will I. She would have sent you in alone, had it been possible. And at that last supreme danger, that thing called ‘Eater of Souls' because it had done just that to many braves before you...had you lost to it, She and I would have tried to fight our way out—I was ready, any moment; I couldn't tell you—and if we had escaped—unlikely—She would have shed no tears for you. Or not many. Then worked another twenty or thirty or a hundred years to find and con and train anther champion—and fought just as hard by his side. She has courage, that cabbage. She knew how thin our chances were; you didn't. Did She flinch?"

"No."

"But you were the key, first to be found, then ground to fit. You yourself act, you're never a puppet, or you could never have won. She was the only one who could nudge and wheedle such a man and place him where he would act; no lesser person than She could handle the scale of hero She needed. So She searched until She found him...and honed him fine. Tell me, why did you take up the sword? It's not common in America."

"What?" I had to think. Reading ‘King Arthur' and ‘The Three Musketeers', and Burroughs wonderful Mars stories—But every kid does that. "When we moved to Florida, I was a Scout. The Scoutmaster was a Frenchman, taught high school. He started some of us lads. I liked it, it was something I did well. Then in college—"

"Ever wonder why that immigrant got that job in that town? And volunteered for Scout work? Or why your college had a fencing team when many don't? No matter, if you had gone elsewhere, there would have been fencing in a YMCA or something. Didn't you have more combat than most of your category?"

"Hell, yes!"

"Could have been killed anytime, too—and She would have turned to another candidate already being honed. Son, I don't know how you were selected, nor now you were converted from a young punk into the hero you potentially were. Not my job. Mine was simpler—just more dangerous—your groom and your ‘eyes-behind.' Look around. Fancy quarters for a servant, eh?"

"Well, yes. I had almost forgotten that you were supposed to be my groom."

" ‘Supposed,' hell! I was. I went three times to Nevia as Her servant, training for it. Jocko doesn't know to this day. If I went back, I would be welcome, I think. But only in the kitchen."

"But why? That part seems silly."

"Was it? When we snared you, your ego was in feeble shape, it had to be built up—and calling you ‘Boss' and serving your meals while I stood and you sat, with Her, was part of it." He gnawed a knuckle and looked annoyed. "I still think She witched your first two arrows. Someday I'd like a return match—with Her not around."

"I may fool you. I've been practicing."

"Well, forget it. We got the Egg, that's the important thing. And here's this bottle and that's important, too." He poured again. "Will that be all, ‘Boss'?"

"Damn you, Rufo! Yes, you sweet old scoundrel. You've straightened me out. Or conned me again, I don't know which."

"No con, Oscar, by the blood we've shed. I've told the truth as straight as I know it, though it hurt me. I didn't want to, you're my friend. Walking that rocky road with you I shall treasure all the days of my life."

"Uh...yes. Me, too. All of it."

"Then why are you frowning?"

"Rufo, I understand her now—as well as an ordinary person can—and respect her utterly...and love her more than ever. But I can't be anybody's fancy man. Not even here."

"I'm glad I didn't have to say that. Yes. She's right She's always right, damn Her! You must leave. For both of you. Oh, She wouldn't be hurt too much but staying would ruin you, in time. Destroy you, if you're stubborn.

"I had better get back—and toss my shoes." I felt better, as if I had told the surgeon: Go ahead. Amputate.

"Don't do that!"

"What?"

"Why should you? No need for anything final If a marriage is to last a long time—and yours might, even a very long time—then holidays should be long, too. And off the leash, son, with no date to report back and no promises. She knows that knights errant spend their nights erring, She expects it. It has always been so, un droit de la vocation—and necessary. They just don't mention it in kiddies' stories where you come from. So go see what's stirring in your line of work elsewhere and don't worry. Come back in four or forty years or something, you'll be welcome. Heroes always sit at the first table, it s their right. And they come and go as they please, and that's their right, too. On a smaller scale, you re something like Her."

"High compliment!"

"On a ‘smaller scale,' I said. Mmm, Oscar, part of your trouble is a need to go home. Your birthing land. To regain your perspective and find out who you are. All travelers feel this, I feel it myself from time to time. When the feeling comes, I pamper it."

"I hadn't realized I was homesick. Maybe I am."

"Maybe She realized it. Maybe She nudged you. Myself, I make it a rule to give any wife of mine a vacation from me whenever her face looks too familiar—for mine must be even more so to her, looking as I do. Why not, lad? Going back to Earth isn't the same as dying. I'm going there soon, that's why I'm clearing up this paper work. Happens we might be there the same time...and get together for a drink or ten and some laughs and stories. And pinch the waitress and see what she says. Why not?"