Glory Road

Chapter 19

We went to bed.

Presently she said, "Oscar, you are displeased."

"I didn't say so."

"I feel it. Nor is it Just tonight and those tedious clowns. You have been withdrawing yourself, unhappy." She waited.

"It's nothing."

"Oscar, anything which troubles you can never be ‘nothing' to me. Although I may not realize it until I know what it is."

"Well—I feel so damn useless!"

She put her soft, strong hand on my chest. "To me you are not useless. Why do you feel useless to yourself?"

"Well—look at this bed!" It was a bed the like of which Americans never dream; it could do everything but kiss you good night—and, like the city, it was beautiful, its bones did not show. "This sack, at home, would cost more—if they could build it—than the best house my mother ever lived in."

She thought about that. "Would you like to send money to your mother?" She beckoned the bedside communicator. "Is Elmendorf Air Force Base of America address enough?"

(I don't recall ever telling her where Mother lived.) "No, no!" I gestured at the talker, shutting it off. "I do not want to send her money. Her husband supports her. He won't take money from me. That's not the point."

"Then I don't see the point as yet. Beds do not matter, it is who is in a bed that counts. My darling, if you don't like this bed, we can get another. Or sleep on the floor. Beds do not matter."

"This bed is okay. The only thing wrong is that I didn't pay for it. You did. This house. My clothes. The food I eat. My—my toys! Every damned thing I have you gave me. Know what I am. Star? A gigolo! Do you Know what a gigolo is? A somewhat-male prostitute."

One of my wife's most exasperating habits was, sometimes, to refuse to snap back at me when she knew I was spoiling for a row. She looked at me thoughtfully. "America is a busy place, isn't it? People work all the time, especially men."

"Well...yes."

"It isn't the custom everywhere, even on Earth. A Frenchman isn't unhappy if he has free time; he orders another cafe au lait and lets the saucers pile up. Nor am I fond of work. Oscar, I ruined our evening from laziness, too anxious to avoid having to redo a weary task tomorrow. I will not make that mistake twice."

"Star, that doesn't matter. That's over with."

"I know. The first issue is rarely the key. Nor the second. Nor, sometimes, the twenty-second. Oscar, you are not a gigolo."

"What do you call it? When it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck and acts like a duck, I call it a duck. Call it a bunch of roses. It still quacks."

"No. All this around us—" She waved. "Bed. This beautiful chamber. The food we eat. My clothes and yours. Our lovely pools. The night majordomo on watch against the chance that you or I might demand a singing bird or a ripe melon. Our captive gardens. All we see or touch or use or fancy—and a thousand times as much in distant places, all these you earned with your own strong hands; they are yours, by right."

I snorted. "They are," she insisted. "That was our contract. I promised you great adventure, and greater treasure, and even greater danger. You agreed. You said, ‘Princess, you've hired yourself a boy.' " She smiled. "Such a big boy. Darling, I think the dangers were greater than you guessed...so it has pleased me, until now, that the treasure is greater than you were likely to have guessed. Please don't be shy about accepting it. You have earned it and more—as much as you are ever willing to accept"

"Uh—Even if you are right, it's too much. I'm drowning in marshmallows!"

"But, Oscar, you don't have to take one bit you don't want. We can live simply. In one room with bed folded into wall if it pleases you."

"That's no solution."

"Perhaps you would like bachelor digs, out in town?"

" ‘Tossing my shoes,' eh?"

She said levelly, "My husband, if your shoes are ever tossed, you must toss them. I jumped over your sword. I shall not jump back."

"Take it easy!" I said. "It was your suggestion. If I took it wrong, I'm sorry. I know you don t go back on your word. But you might be regretting it."

"I am not regretting it. Are you?"

"No, Star, no! But—"

"That's a long pause for so short a word," she said gravely. "Will you tell me?"

"Uh...that's just it. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell what, Oscar? There are so many things to tell."

"Well, a lot of things. What I was getting into. About you being the Empress of the whole works, in particular...before you let me jump over the sword with you."

Her face did not change but tears rolled down her cheeks. "I could answer that you did not ask me—"

"I didn't know what to ask!"

"That is true. I could assert, truthfully, that had you asked I would have answered. I could protest that I did not ‘let you' jump over the sword, that you overruled my protests that it was not necessary to offer me the honor of marriage by the laws of your people...that I was a wench you could tumble at will. I could point out that I am not an empress, not royal, but a working woman whose job does not permit her even the luxury of being noble. All these are true. But I will not hide behind them; I will meet your question." She slipped into Nevian. "Milord Hero, I feared sorely that if I did not bend to your will, you would leave me!"

"Milady wife, truly did you think that your champion would desert you in your peril?" I went on in English, "Well, that nails it to the barn. You married me because the Egg damned well had to be recovered and Your Wisdom told you that I was necessary to the job—and might bug out if you didn't. Well, Your Wisdom wasn't sharp on that point; I don't bug out. Stupid of me but I'm stubborn." I started to get out of bed.

"Milord love!" She was dying openly.

"Excuse me. Got to find a pair of shoes. See how far I can throw them." I was being nasty as only a man can be who has had his pride wounded.

"Please, Oscar, please! Hear me first."

I heaved a sigh. "Talk ahead."

She grabbed my hand so hard I would have lost fingers had I tried to pull loose. "Hear me out. My beloved, it was not that at all. I knew that you would not give up our quest until it was finished or we were dead. I knew! Not only had I reports reaching back years before I ever saw you but also we had shared joy and danger and hardship; I knew your mettle. But, had it been needed, I could have bound you with a net of words, persuaded you to agree to betrothal only—until the quest was over. You are a romantic, you would have agreed. But, darling, darling! I wanted to many you...bind you to me by your rules, so that"—she stopped to sniff back tears—"so that, when you saw all this, and this, and this, and the things you call ‘your toys,' you still would stay with me. It was not politics, it was low—love romantic and unreasoned, love for your own sweet self."

She dropped her face into her hands and I could barely hear her. "But I know so little of love. Love is a butterfly that lights when it listeth, leaves as it chooses; it is never bound with chains. I sinned. I tried to bind you. Unjust I knew it was, cruel to you I now see it to be." Star looked up with crooked smile. "Even Her Wisdom has no wisdom when it comes to being a woman. But, though silly wench I be, I am not too stubborn to know that I have wronged my beloved when my face is rubbed in it. Go, go, get your sword; I will jump back over it and my champion will be free of his silken cage. Go, milord Hero, while my heart is firm."

"Go fetch your own sword, wench. That paddling is long overdue."

Suddenly she grinned, all hoyden. "But, darling, my sword is in Karth-Hokesh. Don't you remember?"

"You can't avoid it this time!" I grabbed her. Star is a handful and slippery, with amazing muscles. But I'm bigger and she didn't fight as hard as she could have. Still I lost skin and picked up bruises before I got her legs pinned and one arm twisted behind her. I gave her a couple of hearty spanks, hard enough to print each finger in pink, then lost interest.

Now tell me, were those words straight from her heart—or was it acting by the smartest woman in twenty universes?

Later, Star said, "I'm glad your chest is not a scratchy rug, like some men, my beautiful."

"I was a pretty baby, too. How many chests have you checked?"

"A random sample. Darling, have you decided to keep me?"

"A while. On good behavior, you understand."

"I'd rather be kept on bad behavior. But—while you're feeling mellow—if you are—I had best tell you another thing—and take my spanking if I must."

"You're too anxious. One a day is maximum, hear me?"

"As you will, sir. Yassuh, Boss man. I'll have my sword fetched in the morning and you can spank me with it at your leisure. If you think you can catch me. But I must tell this and get it off my chest."

"There's nothing on your chest. Unless you count—"

"Please! You've been going to our therapists."

"Once a week." The first thing Star had ordered was an examination for me so complete as to make an Army physical seem perfunctory. "The Head Sawbones insists that my wounds aren't healed but I don't believe him; I've never felt better."

"He, is stalling, Oscar—by my order. You're healed, I am not unskilled, I was most careful. But—darling, I did this for selfish reasons and now you must tell me if I have been cruel and unjust to you again. I admit I was sneaky. But my intentions were good. However, I know, as the prime lesson of my profession, that good intentions are the source of more folly than all other causes put together."

"Star, what are you prattling about? Women are the source of all folly."

"Yes, dearest. Because they always have good intentions—and can prove it. Men sometimes act from rational self-interest, which is safer. But not often."

"That's because half their ancestors are female. Why have I been keeping doctor's appointments if I don t need them?"

"I didn't say you don't need them. But you may not think so. Oscar, you are far advanced with Long-Life treatments." She eyed me as if ready to parry or retreat.

"Well, I'll be damned!"

"You object? At this stage it can be reversed."

"I hadn't thought about it." I knew that Long-Life was available on Center but knew also that it was rigidly restricted. Anybody could have it—just before emigrating to a sparsely settled planet. Permanent residents must grow old and die. This was one matter in which one of Star's predecessors had interfered in local government. Center, with disease practically conquered, great prosperity, and lodestone of a myriad peoples, had grown too crowded, especially when Long-Life sent skyward the average age of death.

This stern rule had thinned the crowds. Some people took Long-Life early, went through a Gate and took their chances in wilderness. More waited until that first twinge that brings awareness of death, then decided that they weren't too old for a change. And some sat tight and died when their time came.

I knew that twinge; it had been handed to me by a bolo in a jungle. "I guess I have no objection."

She sighed with relief. "I didn't know and should not have slipped it into your coffee. Do I rate a spanking?"

"We'll add it to the list you already rate and give them to you all at once. Probably cripple you. Star, how long is ‘Long-Life'?"

"That's hard to answer. Very few who have had it have died in bed. If you live as active a life as I know you will—from your temperament—you are most unlikely to die of old age. Nor of disease."

"And I never grow old?" It takes getting used to.

"Oh, yes, you can grow old. Worse yet, senility stretches in proportion. If you let it. If those around you allow it. However—Darling, how old do I look? Don't tell me with your heart, tell me with your eyes. By Earth standards. Be truthful, I know the answer."

It was ever a joy to look at Star but I tried to look at her freshly, for hints of autumn—outer corners of eyes, her hands, for tiny changes in skin—hell, not even a stretch mark, yet I knew she had a grandchild.

"Star, when I first saw you, I guessed eighteen. You turned around and I upped the ante a little. Now, looking closely and not giving you any breaks—not over twenty-five. And that is because your features seem mature. When you laugh, you're a teen-ager; when you wheedle, or look awestruck, or suddenly delighted with a puppy or kitten or something, you're about twelve. From the chin up, I mean; from the chin down you can't pass for less than eighteen."

"A buxom eighteen," she added. "Twenty-five Earth years—by rates of growth on Earth—is right on the mark I was shooting at. The age when a woman stops growing and starts aging. Oscar, your apparent age under Long-Life is a matter of choice. Take my Uncle Joseph—the one who sometimes calls himself ‘Count Cagliostro.' He set himself at thirty-five, because he says that anything younger is a boy. Rufo prefers to look older. He says it gets him respectful treatment, keeps him out of brawls with lounger men—and still lets him give a younger man a shock if one does pick a fight because, as you know, Rufo's older age is mostly from chin up."

"Or the shock he can give younger women," I suggested.

"With Rufo one never knows. Dearest, I didn't finish telling you. Part of it is teaching the body to repair itself. Your language lessons here—there hasn't been a one but what a hypno-therapist was waiting to give your body a lesson through your sleeping mind, after your language lesson. Part of apparent age is cosmetic therapy—Rufo need not be bald—but more is controlled by the mind. When you decide what age you like, they can start imprinting it."

"I'll think about it. I don't want to look too much older than you."

Star looked delighted. "Thank you, dear! You see how selfish I've been."

"How? I missed that point."

She put a hand over mine. "I didn't want you to grow old—and die! -- while I stayed young."

I blinked at her. "Gosh, lady, that was selfish of you, wasn't it? But you could varnish me and keep me in the bedroom. Like your aunt."

She made a face. "You're a nasty man. She didn't varnish them."

"Star, I haven't seen any of those keepsake corpses around here."

She looked surprised. "But that's on the planet where I was born. This universe, another star. Very pretty place. Didn't I ever say?"

"Star, my darling, mostly you've never said."

"I'm sorry. Oscar, I don't want to hand you surprises. Ask me. Tonight. Anything."

I considered it. One thing I had wondered about, a certain lack. Or perhaps the women of her part of the race had another rhythm. But I had been stopped by the fact that I had married a grandmother—how old? "Star, are you pregnant?"

"Why, no, dear. Oh! Do you want me to be? You want us to have children?"

I stumbled, trying to explain that I hadn't been sure it was possible—or maybe she was. Star looked troubled. "I'm going to upset you again. I had best tell it all. Oscar, I was no more brought up to luxury than you were. A pleasant childhood, my people were ranchers. I married young and was a simple mathematics teacher, with a hobby research in conjectural and optional geometries. Magic, I mean. Three children. My husband and I got along well...until I was nominated. Not selected, just named for examination and possible training. He knew I was a genetic candidate when he married me—but so many millions are. It didn't seem important.

"He wanted me to refuse. I almost did. But when I accepted, he—well, he ‘tossed my shoes.' We do it formally there; he published a notice that I was no longer his wife."

"He did, eh? Mind if I look him up and break his arms?"

"Dear, dear! That was many years ago and far away; he is long dead. It doesn't matter."

"In any case he's dead. Your three kids—one of them is Rufo's father? Or mother?"

"Oh, no! That was later."

"Well?"

Star took a deep breath. "Oscar, I have about fifty children."

That did it. Too many shocks and I guess I showed it, for Star's face reflected deep concern. She rushed through the explanation.

When she was named heir, changes were made in her, surgical, biochemical, and endocrinal. Nothing as drastic as spaying and to different ends and by techniques more subtle than ours. But the result was that about two hundred tiny bits of Star—ova alive and latent—were stored near absolute zero.

Some fifty had been quickened, mostly by emperors long dead but "alive" in their stored seed—genetic gambles on getting one or more future emperors. Star had not borne them; an heir's time is too precious. She had never seen most of them; Rufo's father was an exception. She didn't say, but I think Star liked to have a child around to play with and love—until the strenuous first years of her reign and the Quest for the Egg left her no time.

This change had a double purpose: to get some hundreds of star-line children from a single mother, and to leave the mother free. By endocrine control of some sort, Star was left free of Eve's rhythm but in all ways young—not pills nor hormone injections; this was permanent. She was simply a healthy woman who never had "bad days." This was not for her convenience but to insure that her judgment as the Great Judge would never be whipsawed by her glands. "This is sensible," she said seriously. "I can remember there used to be days when I would bite the head off my dearest friend for no reason, then burst into tears. One can't be judicial in that sort of storm."

"Uh, did it affect your interest? I mean your desire for—"

She gave me a hearty grin. "What do you think?" She added seriously, "The only thing that affects my libido—changes it for the worse, I mean—are...is? -- English has the oddest structure—is-are those pesky imprintings. Sometimes up, sometimes down—and you'll remember one woman whose name we won't mention who affected me so carnivorously that I didn't dare come near you until I had exorcised her black soul! A fresh imprint affects my judgment as well, so I never hear a case until I have digested the latest one. I'll be glad when they're over!"

"So will I."

"Not as glad as I will be. But, aside from that, darling, I don t vary much as a female and you know it. Just my usual bawdy self who eats young boys for breakfast and seduces them into jumping over swords."

"How many swords?"

She looked at me sharply. "Since my first husband kicked me out I have not been married until I married you, Mr. Gordon. If that is not what you meant, I don't think you should hold against me things that happened before you were born. If you want details since then, I'll satisfy your curiosity. Your morbid curiosity, if I may say so."

"You want to boast. Wench, I won't pamper it."

"I do not want to boast! I've little to boast about. The Crisis of the Egg left me almost no time in which to be a woman, damn it! Until Oscar the Rooster came along. Thank you, sir."

"And keep a civil tongue in your head."

"Yes, sir. Nice Rooster! But you've led us far from our muttons, dear. If you want children—yes, darling! There are about two hundred and thirty eggs left and they belong to me. Not to posterity. Not to the dear people, bless their greedy little hearts. Not to those God-playing genetic manipulators. Me! It's all I own. All else is ex offico. But these are mine...and if you want them, they are yours, my only dear."

I should have said, "Yes!" and kissed her. What I did say was, "Uh, let's not rush it."

Her face fell. "As milord Hero husband pleases."

"Look, don't get Nevian and formal. I mean, well, it takes getting used to. Syringes and things, I suppose, and monkeying by technicians. And, while I realize you don't have time to have a baby yourself—"

I was trying to say that, ever since I got straightened out about the Stork, I had taken for granted the usual setup, and artificial insemination was a dirty trick to play even on a cow—and that this job, subcontracted on both sides, made me think of slots in a Horn & Hardart, or a mail-order suit. But give me time and I would adjust. Just as she had adjusted to those damned imprints—

She gripped my hands. "Darling, you needn't!"

"Needn't what?"

"Be monkeyed with by technicians. And I will take time to have your baby. If you don't mind seeing my body get gross and huge—it does, it does, I remember—then happily I will do it. All will be as with other people so far as you are concerned. No syringes. No technicians. Nothing to offend your pride. Oh, I'll have to be worked on. But I'm used to being handled like a prize cow; it means no more than having my hair shampooed."

"Star, you would go through nine months of inconvenience—and maybe die in childbirth—to save me a few moments' annoyance?"

"I shall not die, Three children, remember? Normal deliveries, no trouble."

"But, as you pointed out, that was ‘many years ago.' "

"No matter."

"Uh, how many years?" ("How old are you, woman?" The question I never dared ask.)

She looked upset. "Does it matter, Oscar?"

"Uh, I suppose not. You know more about medicine than I do—"

She said slowly, "You were asking how old I am, were you not?"

I didn't say anything. She waited, then went on, "An old saw from your world says that a woman is as young as she feels. And I feel young and I am young and I have zest for life and I can bear a baby—or many babies—m my own belly. But I know—oh, I know! -- that your worry is not just that I am too rich and occupy a position not easy for a husband. Yes, I know that part too well; my first husband rejected me for that. But be was my age. The most cruel and unjust thing I have done is that I knew that my age could matter to you—and I kept still. That was why Rufo was so outraged. After you were asleep that night in the cave of the Forest of Dragons he told me so, in biting words. He said he knew I was not above enticing young boys but he never thought that I would sink so low as to trap one into marriage without first telling him. He's never had a high opinion of his old granny, he said, but this time—"

"Shut up, Star!"

"Yes, milord."

"It doesn't make a damn bit of difference!"—and I said it so flatly that I believed it—and do now. "Rufo doesn't know what I think. You are younger than tomorrow's dawn—you always will be. That's the last I want to hear about it!"

"Yes, milord."

"And knock that off, too. Just say, ‘Okay, Oscar.' "

"Yes, Oscar! Okay!"

"Better. Unless you're honing for another spanking. And I'm too tired." I changed the subject. "About this other matter—There's no reason to stretch your pretty tummy if other ways are at hand. I'm a country jake, that's all; I'm not used to big city ways. When you suggested that you do it yourself, did you mean that they could put you back together the way you were?"

"No. I would simply be host-mother as well as genetic mother." She smiled and I knew I was making progress. "But saving a tidy sum of that money you don't want to spend. Those healthy, sturdy women who have other people's babies charge high. Four babies, they can retire—ten makes them wealthy."

"I should think they would charge high! Star, I don't object to spending money. I'll concede, if you say so, that I've earned more than I spend, by my work as a professional hero. That's a tough racket, too."

"You've earned it."

"This citified way of having babies—Can you pick it? Boy, or girl?"

"Of course. Male-giving wigglers swim faster, they can be sorted out. That's why Wisdoms are usually men—I was an unplanned candidate. You shall have a son, Oscar."

"Might prefer a girl. I've a weakness for little girls."

"A boy, a girl—or both. Or as many as you want."

"Star, let me study it. Lots of angles—and I don't think as well as you do."

"Pooh!"

"If you don't think better than I do, the cash customers are getting rooked. Mmm, male seed can be stored as easily as eggs?"

"Much easier."

"That's all the answer we need now. I'm not too jumpy about syringes; I've stood in enough Army queues. I'll go to the clinic or whatever it is, then we can settle it slowly. When we decide"—I shrugged—"mail the postcard and when it goes clunk! -- we're parents. Or some such. From there on the technicians and those husky gals can handle it."

"Yes, milo—Okay, darling!"

All better. Almost her little girl face. Certainly her sixteen-year-old face, with new party dress and boys a shivery, delightful danger. "Star, you said earlier that it was often not the second issue out even the twenty-second that matters."

"Yes."

"I know what's wrong with me. I can tell you—and maybe Her Wisdom knows the answer."

She blinked. "If you can tell me, sweetheart—Her Wisdom will solve it, even if I have to tear the place down and put it back up differently—from here to the next galaxy—or I'll go out of the Wisdom business!"

"That sounds more like my Lucky Star. All right, it's not that I'm a gigolo. I've earned my coffee and cakes, at least; the Soul-Eater did damn near eat my soul, he knew its exact shape—he...it—it knew things I had long forgotten. It was rough and the pay ought to be high. It's not your age, dearest. Who cares how old Helen of Troy is? You're the right age forever—can a man be luckier? I'm not jealous of your position; I wouldn't want it with chocolate icing. I'm not jealous of the men in your life—the lucky stiffs! Not even now, as long as I don't stumble over them getting to the bathroom."

"There are no other men in my life now, milord husband."

"I had no reason to think so. But there is always next week, and even you can't have a Sight about that, my beloved. You've taught me that marriage is not a form of death—and you obviously aren't dead, you lively wench."

"Perhaps not a Sight," she admitted. "But a feeling."

"I won't bet on it. I've read the Kinsey Report."

"What report?"

"He disproved the Mermaid theory. About married women. Forget it. Hypothetical question: If Jocko visited Center, would you still have the same feeling? We should have to invite him to sleep here."

"The Doral will never leave Nevia."

"Don't blame him, Nevia is wonderful. I said If—If he does, will you offer him ‘roof, table, and bed'?"

"That," she said firmly, "is your decision, milord."

"Rephrase it: Will you expect me to humiliate Jocko by not returning his hospitality? Gallant old Jocko, who let us live when he was entitled to kill us? Whose bounty—arrows and many things, including a new medic's kit—kept us alive and let us win back the Egg?"

"By Nevian customs of roof and table and bed," she insisted, "the husband decides, milord husband."

"We aren't in Nevia and here a wife has a mind of her own. You're dodging, wench."

She grinned naughtily. "Does that ‘if' of yours include Muri? And Letva? They're his favorites, he wouldn't travel without them. And how about little what's-her-name? -- the nymphet?"

"I give up. I was just trying to prove that jumping over a sword does not turn a lively wench into a nun."

"I am aware of it, my Hero," she said levelly. "All I can say is that I intend that this wench shall never give her Hero a moment's unease—and my intentions are usually carried out. I am not ‘Her Wisdom' for nothing."

"Fair enough. I never thought you would cause me that sort of unease. I was trying to show that the task may not be too difficult. Damn it, we've wandered off. Here's my real problem. I'm not good for anything. I'm worthless."

"Why, my dearest! You're good for me."

"But not for myself. Star, gigolo or not, I can't be a pet poodle. Not even yours. Look, you've got a job. It keeps you busy and it's important. But me? There is nothing for me to do, nothing at all! -- nothing better than designing bad jewelry. You know what I am? A hero by trade, so you told me; you recruited me. Now I'm retired. Do you know anything in all twenty universes more useless than a retired hero?"

She mentioned a couple. I said, "You're stalling. Anyhow they break up the blankness of the male chest. I'm serious, Star. This is the issue that has made me unfit to live with. Darling, I'm asking you to put your whole mind on it—and all those ghostly helpers. Treat it the way you treat an Imperial problem. Forget I'm your husband. Consider my total situation, all you know about me—and tell me what I can do with hands and head and time that is worth doing. Me, being what I am."

She held still for long minutes, her face in that professional calm she had worn the times I had audited her work. "You are right," she said at last. "There is nothing worth your powers on this planet."

"Then what do I do?"

She said tonelessly, "You must leave."

"Huh?"

"You think I like the answer, my husband? Do you think I like most answers I must give? But you asked me to consider it professionally. I obeyed. That is the answer. You must leave this planet—and me."

"So my shoes get tossed anyhow?"

"Be not bitter, milord. That is the answer. I can evade and be womanish only in my private life; I cannot refuse to think if I agree to do so as ‘Her Wisdom.' You must leave me. But, no, no, no, your shoes are not tossed! You will leave, because you must. Not because I wish it." Her face stayed calm but tears streamed again. "One cannot ride a cat...nor hurry a snail...nor teach a snake to fly. Nor make a poodle of a Hero. I knew it, I refused to look at it. You will do what you must do. But your shoes will remain ever by my bed, I am not sending you away!" She blinked back tears. "I cannot lie to you, even by silence. I will not say that no other shoes will rest here...if you are gone a long time. I have been lonely. There are no words to say how lonely this job is. When you go...I shall be lonelier than ever. But you will find your shoes here when you return."

"When I return? You have a Sight?"

"No, milord Hero. I have only a feeling...that if you live...you will return. Perhaps many times. But Heroes do not die in bed. Not even this one." She blinked and tears stopped and her voice was steady. "Now, milord husband, if it please you, shall we dim the lights and rest?"

We did and she put her head on my shoulder and did not cry. But we did not sleep. After an aching time I said, "Star, do you hear what I hear?"

She raised her head. "I hear nothing."

"The City. Can't you hear it? People. Machines. Even thoughts so thick your bones feel it and your ear almost catches it."

"Yes. I know that sound."

"Star, do you like it here?"

"No. It was never necessary that I like it."

"Look, damn it! You said that I would leave. Come with me!"

"Oh, Oscar!"

"What do you owe them? Isn't recovering the Egg enough? Let them take a new victim. Come walk the Glory Road with me again! There must be work in my line somewhere."

"There is always work for Heroes."

"Okay, we set up in business, you and I. Heroing isn't a bad job. The meals are irregular and the pay uncertain—out it's never dull. We'll run ads: ‘Gordon & Gordon, Heroing Done Reasonable. No job too large, no job too small. Dragons exterminated by contract, satisfaction guaranteed or no pay. Free estimates on other work. Questing, maiden-rescuing, golden fleece located night or day?' "

I was trying to jolly her but Star doesn't jolly. She answered in sober earnest. "Oscar, if I am to retire, I should train my heir first. True, no one can order me to do anything—but I have a duty to train my replacement."

"How long will that take?"

"Not long. Thirty years, about."

"Thirty years!"

"I could force it to twenty-five, I think."

I sighed. "Star, do you know how old I am?"

"Yes. Not yet twenty-five. But you will get no older!"

"But right now I'm still that age. That's all the time there has ever been for me. Twenty-five years as a pet poodle and I won't be a hero, nor anything. I'll be out of my silly mind."

She thought about it. "Yes. That is true."

She turned over, we made a spoon and pretended to sleep.

Later I felt her shoulders shaking and knew that she was sobbing. "Star?"

She didn't turn her head. All I heard was a choking voice, "Oh, my dear, my very dear! If I were even a hundred years younger!"