Full Circle

7. Morgan

Alyce's tisane didn't taste quite as bad as I thought it would. At nine that night I managed to get it down by holding my nose and swallowing it in two gulps.

Now it was ten, and I was distinctly woozy. I got off my mom's bed-we'd been watching her favorite cop show together-and told her goodnight. I got into a big T-shirt and brushed my teeth and fell into bed. Almost immediately, using his superkitty senses, Dagda knew it was bedtime and came trotting through the bathroom. Sleepily I patted the bed and he leaped up, making no sound and hardly any vibration.

With Dagda purring hard next to me, I went through some guided relaxation exercises, affirming that I felt safe, that I would sleep well, that everything was fine, that my subconscious would reveal anything I needed to know. I pictured myself sleeping like a log until morning. I pictured myself safe and surrounded by protective white light. I pictured all my worries and fears floating away from me like helium balloons.

I got sleepier and sleepier until I realized I wasn't even thinking straight. Then I let go of the day and embraced sleep.

Why are you trying to avoid me? The words clawed their way into my brain as I struggled to wake up. Dimly I knew I was floating upward toward consciousness and felt a tinge of panic, as if I shouldn't be leaving this soon. Why are you trying to avoid me? Come join me. The words were white slashes against the dark backdrop of my sleep.

Suddenly, just as I was beginning to sense the sheet gripped in my hands, an image flashed: a dark-feathered hawk, streaking away. It was being chased by another hawk, rust colored and cruel eyed, who seemed terrible and strong and whose powerful wings were edged with flames.

I looked down, as if I were one of the hawks, and saw the ground far beneath me, grids of gold and green. With frighteningly clear hawk sight I saw a lone person standing in a field of wheat. Like a laser, my eyes zoomed in on the figure, and as I swooped closer, the person looked up and smiled.

At that moment I woke up and sat bolt upright in bed, my heart racing, clutching the sheet to my chest with fingers like claws.

It had been Cal.

"Will you stop?"

Robbie quit drumming his fingers on the lunch table and looked at me in hurt surprise. My heart sank. I was being a total bitch.

"I'm sorry," I said stiffly. "I'm having a bad day."

Understatement of the year. Ever since I had seen Cal in my dream last night, I'd felt like my whole world had shifted. Cal is dead. That was what I'd been telling myself for the past five months. But now he was trying to contact me when I was most vulnerably-while I slept. What did he want? Where, who, or what was he? I couldn't make sense of any of it. I was frightened, confused, horrified-and a small, terrible part of me was flattered. Maybe even happy. Cal had done horrible things, but he'd loved me, in his own twisted way. I loved Hunter now, but the thought that Cal might be trying to contact me from the dead was a sick kind of ego boost.

"You've been kind of off all week," Bree said, with typical best-friend frankness. "Are you and Hunter okay?"

I pushed my school lunch of clumpy mac and cheese away and grimaced. "Hunter's fine. School's fine. Folks are fine."

"Sister's fiiiiine," sang Mary K., dipping quickly to get that in as she passed by on her way to the May K. fan club table.

Bree giggled, watching Mary K. weave through the cafeteria, brown lunch bag swinging at her side. "So what isn't fine?" she asked, turning back to me.

I sighed heavily. How to put this? "I think my dead ex-boyfriend's spirit is trying to terrorize or even physically hurt me"? Why didn't I just call Jerry Springer now? "I've been having bad dreams," I said inadequately. "They've been keeping me up."

Bree and Robbie both looked unimpressed. I saw them glance quickly at each other and make a decision: Let's just walk on eggshells until she chills out.

As soon as I had cleared my tray, I called Hunter and asked him to pick me up after school.

Seeing a six-foot-plus length of blond, handsome witch leaning against his car and grinning did a lot to calm me down.

"Hi," I said, knowing I sounded pathetic. Hunter folded me in his arms, and I let my head sink against his chest. My whole life, I had been strong and self-sufficient. I'd always thought of those as good qualities. Now I was experimenting with relying on someone else. So far, it was going pretty well.

"I'm glad you called," Hunter said. "I was going to send you a message. I have to go and collect Sky at the airport. Can you go with me?"

"I think so. Let me call my mom." I borrowed Hunter's cell phone and dialed mu mom's office number. She said it was okay. With relief I made sure that Mary K. got a ride home, then I left Das Boot all by its lonesome in the parking lot and climbed into Hunter's anonymous green Honda.

"I'm so glad to see you," I said, turning to him and scooting as close as I could.

He leaned over and gave me a lingering kiss, then started the engine. "How did it go last night? I wanted to call you this morning to see but didn't know if it would be a good idea."

"I had a dream," I said, looking out the window.

"No," he said, frowning. "Even after taking Alyce's potion?"

I nodded. "I followed all her directions. I think for the most part, I didn't dream that much. But right before dawn I heard a voice."

Hunter looked at me, then pulled onto the entrance to the highway. "What did it say?"

"It said, 'Why are you trying to avoid me? " I repeated, trying not to let my remembered fear overcome me. "Twice."

"Goddess," Hunter said. He rubbed his chin with one hand, the way he did when he was thinking something through. "That isn't good."

"No, I didn't think so," I said wryly. "And I saw hawks again. Just for a second, but they were there. A dark hawk being chased by a fire-winged hawk. Then it looked like I was a hawk, flying overhead. I looked down and saw someone standing in a field."

"And?"

I couldn't help shuddering. "And it was Cal."

The car gave a sudden swerve, and I grabbed my door handle.

"Sorry," said Hunter. "I'm sorry, Morgan. So you saw Cal in your dream?" He was trying to sound casual, but I knew him, and his voice was tight. He had hated Cal to the very bone and still got tense at the mention of his name.

"Yes." I shook my head. "That's when I woke up. Maybe Alyce's drink wore off right before I was going to wake up, and that's why I suddenly had all these dream images."

"Maybe," said Hunter, sounding grim. "Well, we'll find out more tonight. I've arranged for us to meet with Alyce and Bethany tonight, at Bethany's apartment. Is eight o'clock okay?"

"Yeah, no problem. Did you tell Bethany what's going on?"

"Alyce did, and Bethany's concerned, like we all are."

I leaned my head against Hunter's shoulder, feeling the warmth of his skin through his thin jacket. I couldn't wait till it got really warm and Hunter would be wearing T-shirts and shorts. Thinking about that cheered me up a little.

"How did Sky sound when she called?" I asked.

"Ready to come home," Hunter said, and grinned.

We turned into the airport and Hunter pulled into the pickup spot he had arranged with Sky. We had been waiting only a few minutes when we spotted Sky's white-blond hair bobbing through the crowd. Soon her thin, black-clad body appeared, tugging a large green suitcase on wheels behind her. She spotted Hunter and waved. They were first cousins, but more important, they had grown up together, living like brother and sister since Hunter was eight.

"Sky! Over here!" Hunter called, and Sky's fine-boned face split into a grin.

"I'm back," she said, and then she and Hunter were hugging, and he lifted her off her feet. "Goddess, what did you do to your hair?" she said critically when they pulled apart. Since his hair looked exactly the same as it always had, I knew she was just teasing him.

"What?" said Hunter, running his hand over his short blond spikes. "What's wrong with it?"

Sky caught my eye and smirked, and I laughed. She swung her suitcase into the trunk with effort. "Hallo, Morgan," she said, somewhat formally but with a nod.

"Welcome back," I said, getting in the car next to Hunter. Sky got in the back. I half turned in my seat so I could see both of them at once.

"I'm looking forward to seeing Uncle Daniel," Sky said, watching Hunter carefully. "How's he been?"

"He's getting better, I think," said Hunter. "Healthier. He's giving talks about spellcrafting at covens around the area. He's not thrilled by my quitting the council."

"Have you heard from Kennet since you called to quit?"

"No."

Seeming to want to change the subject, Sky said, "Oh! I brought you some small tokens of my affection." she rummaged in her backpack and pulled out various paper and plastic bags. Hunter sat up, interested, and I hoped he was paying attention to the road.

"A jar of Marmite," Sky said, holding up a smallish brown jar.

"Yes!" Hunter said enthusiastically. I'd never heard of Marmite and wondered if it was a jam or something.

"Some PG Tips tea, tea I'd peers," Sky continued, tossing a large yellow box into the front seat.

"Bless you," Hunter murmured.

"A package of actual crumpets, only slightly mashed."

"Crumpets," Hunter repeated, sounding blissful.

"McVitie's." Sky dropped a couple of round cookie packages over my shoulder. From the picture on the front, they looked like round graham crackers.

"And for Morgan, a lovely new tea towel featuring the family tree of Her Royal Majesty." She tossed a folded rectangle of linen into my lap.

Hunter cackled. "Too brilliant."

"Oh," I said, surprised. "Thank you. This was really nice of you." I shook it out and grinned. "This is great."

"Every home needs one." Sky sat back against her seat. "So, any news?"

"Um, Alisa's coming to terms with being half witch."

"Good. It might be rough for a while," said Sky.

"Dagda caught a vole in the yard." I was trying to think of more interesting things that didn't have to do with my nightmares but was running short.

"Stout lad," Sky approved. "And what news of your half brother?"

My jaw almost dropped. Killian was the only one of my three half siblings I had met, and I had mixed feelings about him. On the one hand, he was charming, funny, generous, and generally well meaning. On the other, he was irreverent, thoughtless, undependable, and somewhat amoral. One night Sky had gotten drunk and had ended up in a compromising position with him in his room. Raven and I had found them. Sky and Raven had just broken up. A nasty scene had ensued.

"He's doing fine. You know Killian," I said cautiously.

Sky looked nonchalantly out her window. I wondered if she'd wanted to ask about Raven but couldn't, so she'd asked about Killian instead. Hmmm.

"Morgan, I'm going to drop you at your car before I take Sky home," Hunter said, and with surprise I noticed we had already turned onto the Widow's Vale exit.

"Okay."

At school Das Boot was the only car left in the lot. Hunter walked me over to it. "I'll see you in about an hour and a half," he said softly, leaning down to kiss me.

"At Bethany's." just thinking about it made me feel better.

I climbed into Das Boot and started it, watching while Sky got into the front seat. I couldn't help being a little jealous of Sky. She got to live with Hunter, see him all the time. It was what I wanted. Hunter waited til I had started my car and headed off before he went in his own direction.

At ten after eight I hurried up the stairs at the front entrance to Bethany's apartment house. It was dark, and the streetlight shone amber on the building. A movement caught my eye, and I turned to see a large dark shadow taking off into the air. I followed its silhouette, but the streetlight shone right into my eyes, making it hard to see.

"Damn crows. They're everywhere," an older man said, coming up the steps after me. He gave me a casual smile and went past, holding the door for me.

Maybe it had just been a crow. Maybe. I followed him in and hustled up to Bethany's apartment.

"Morgan!" Bethany said warmly, opening the door to my knock. Her dark brown eyes shone with concern, and her short black hair was arranged haphazardly in a pixie style. "How are you? Come in, come in." Rubbing my back, she followed me into her smallish living room, where Hunter and Alyce were already waiting.

"Hi. Sorry I'm late," I said, taking off my jacket and dropping it on the floor next to a chair. I suddenly felt a little self-conscious-everyone was here because of my problems. I sat down and tucked my hands under my legs so they wouldn't clench nervously. These three people cared about me. They had all helped me before, and I had helped them. We were friends. I could trust them.

"I told Alyce and Bethany about last night's dream," Hunter said.

"It sounds… very disconcerting," Bethany said. That was an understatement. She arranged herself comfortably on the overstuffed couch.

"I did some research," she said, "after Alyce told me about this last night. But first, I know you've told Hunter and Alyce all you remember, but I'd like to hear it again for myself, if you don't mind."

"Okay," I said. Once again I related what I could remember of the dreams I'd had but couldn't come up with any new details. Bethany jotted a few notes as I spoke, and I was aware that Hunter and Alyce were listening attentively.

"So that's it," I concluded. "But last night was the first one where I felt like I saw someone who might have something to do with the dreams."

Bethany nodded. "Alyce, do you still feel that these dreams might be coming from Morgan's subconscious? That it's trying to send her a message?"

"Not as much, not after last night's dream," Alyce admitted. "The voice asking about being avoided, actually seeing Cal. I have to say, it now sounds like these dreams are coming to Morgan, not coming from Morgan."

"Oh, Goddess," I said, feeling my stomach cave in. "It was bad enough when I thought I had something inside me to work out. But now I'm being attacked?" My voice sounded whiny, but I couldn't help it. I felt so afraid and frustrated and angry that it was all I could do not to jump up and start screaming.

"Assuming that it's Cal," Hunter said, "it isn't clear how he's doing this." I could see a vein in his neck standing out and knew he was controlling his anger only with difficulty. "The few times I've had any contact with the otherworld, it's been with the anam of a very powerful person. My research turned up much the same information. I would have thought Cal's powers weren't strong enough."

"What's an anam?" I asked.

"A… soul," Alyce said. "A spirit, an essence. The you that remains after your body is gone. And yes, I agree that one must be very strong to do this. Of course I didn't know him well at all."

"What's even more important is why he would be doing this," Bethany said. "What does he want? What's his aim?"

"Besides turning me into a screaming lunatic," I said bitterly.

"To get control of Morgan, obviously," Hunter said. "It's what he always wanted."

"But what good would I be now?" I asked. "He's gone, Selene's gone. He sacrificed himself to save me. What would he want from me now?"

Hunter looked down at his feet. I knew he still hated Cal. He'd never believed that Cal had tried to save me. I reached out and took his hand.

"I don't know, dear," Alyce said. "We need to find out. In the meantime let's compare notes and research. Maybe some of it will start to fall into place."

"I think we can't rule out that it's someone else, perhaps working through or with Cal's anam," Bethany said thoughtfully. "Right now he's our main suspect, but it would be foolish to settle on him as the answer until we know for sure."

"I can't believe this." I shook my head. Why? Why was he doing this to me? "I feel so powerless. For him-or whoever-to do this while I'm sleeping, when I'm totally helpless and at his mercy… I can't stand it."

"You're not totally helpless, my dear," said Alyce. "We need to talk about interactive dreaming, guided dreaming."

"Hold on," Hunter said. His voice sounded hoarse.

I looked over at him and saw a sick look on his face. He turned to me.

"That night in Selene's library-we saw Cal and Selene die. But what happened then? We got Mary K. and hustled out of there-I wanted to make sure you were both safe."

"Uh-huh," I said, hating to remember that horrible night. "What are you getting at?"

"What happened to their bodies?" Hunter asked, and I felt the blood drain from my face.

I forced my memory back, back to seeing Cal crumple under Selene's dark power, the bolt of evil meant to kill me that he had taken instead. I remembered holding Selene in a sort of magickal crystal cage. And then she had died. They had both been lying motionless on the library floor. We had left, and outside, Sky was just arriving with some council members. They had streamed into the house, and I hadn't looked back.

My gaze met Hunter's, and I felt hollow. "I don't know," I said. "We left them there. They were dead."

Hunter stood and headed for Bethany's phone. Quickly he punched in a long number, then waited, pacing in tight circles.

"Kennet?" he said after a few moments. "Yes-sorry. I know it's late. I wouldn't have woken you, but this is important. Listen, I must know-what did the council do with the bodies of Cal Blaire and Selene Belltower?"

I watched him, feeling clouded by sorrow and memory.

"No, I understand, but it's important, I promise," Hunter said. He listened silently, his face becoming more and more set.

"Kennet-I appreciate that. I know I'm no longer on the council, and I know there are things that don't need to be broadcast. But this is me, and I'm asking you, as a friend. Please, can you just tell me what happened to their bodies?"

He listened for a while more, then seemed to lose his patience. "Kennet, please. Right now I don't care about the council or its protocols or what anyone is authorized to say. I need some answer-it's a matter of life and death."

His face was grim and tense. I knew Kennet had been his mentor and his friend.

"You're quite sure? Did you see it? You saw this yourself?" his head tilted to one side, and it occurred to me that he was probably analyzing Kennet's voice to determine whether he was telling the truth.

"Yes, all right. I understand. Yes, I know. Thank you, Kennet. I appreciate it. You won't regret telling me. Good-bye, then." Abruptly he hung up, then wiped his forehead, pushing his short hair up as he did. He came back and sat down next to me, taking one of my hands in his. I waited, staring into his eyes.

"Cal and Selene's bodies were taken back to England, where they were cremated. Their urns were interred in a small family mausoleum near Selene's birthplace. Kennet swears he actually saw the bodies cremated. I believe he was telling the truth, or at least the truth as he knows it."

I felt a sense of relief. "I guess it can't be them, then."

"Not necessarily," said Alyce gently. "This tells us that neither Cal nor Selene had a chance to go back into their own bodies. But it doesn't mean their anams were destroyed-just their physical beings."

"But how could they survive this long?" I asked. "How could they get to me now?"

"I don't know," Alyce admitted. "That's one of the questions we need to answer."

"Let's talk about what actions we can take now," said Bethany firmly, and for the next hour she and Alyce coached me in both interactive and guided dreaming. Before I went to sleep, I could deliberately decide to take part in my dreams, to be able to take action in them. Once there I could guide my dreams the way I wanted them to go; for example, I could find a door, stop my car, be unafraid of anything I might see or hear.

"I know this will help. I just wish I didn't have to do any of this," I said.

"I understand," said Bethany. "But for tonight we'll try to give you a reprieve. I've created a very strong sleeping draught that should really knock you out, no dreams. If you do somehow dream, use the exercises we've gone over. But I'm confident that you'll wake up tomorrow feeling better, safer. And by tomorrow evening we hope to have more solid information about how dreams can be influenced either in the real world or from the netherworld."

"Thanks," I said. "I really appreciate you all helping me like this."

"Of course," Bethany said, and smiled.

I was supposed to be home by ten, so I got my jacket, took Bethany's little bottle, and said good-bye. Hunter wanted to walk me out, and I wasn't about to discourage him.

Outside, my car glowed under the streetlight, heavy and familiar and safe. I opened the door and leaned against it for a minute.

"I'm sorry, Morgan," said Hunter, brushing my hair back. "We'll fix this somehow, I promise."

"Thanks," I said. "I just feel… like I'll be paying for my mistakes for the rest of my life." The mistake of trusting Cal, of loving him.

"You won't," said Hunter, and he sounded so sure that I wanted to believe him. "Listen, do you want me to stay outside your house tonight? Just in case?"

I thought about it. "No," I decided. "The only time I sleepwalked was before any of you were helping me. I feel okay about the interactive dreaming stuff. Plus I have Bethany's magick potion." I held up the small purple bottle.

"All right," said Hunter, sounding reluctant. "But call me if you need anything."

"I will." We kissed and hugged, not wanting to let go.

Then I got in my car and started the engine. Hunter got smaller and smaller I my rearview mirror until I turned the corner at the next block.