Castle Perilous

Keep — East Wing — Family Residence

The room was lovely in the daylight. The walls were paneled in dark wood, the furniture beautifully carved in a style she did not recognize. There were even curtains. She had had no trouble sleeping here. She had never slept in a canopied bed.

She threw off the covers, sat up and dangled her feet over the side of the bed, feeling for her wooden-soled sandals. She had slept in her clothes — faded jeans, and a T-shirt with faded iron-on lettering that read IT’S HARD TO FLY LIKE AN EAGLE WHEN YOU WORK WITH TURKEYS, accompanied by a cartoon rendering of the sentiment. She needed to use the bathroom, and she wanted a shower. If they had bathrooms in this place. She rather doubted it. She got up and stretched. It occurred to her to look under the bed. Yup, there it was: the chamber pot. Yuck. Well, she could put it off for a little while longer. Not like yesterday, when she had to … No use dwelling on that.

She went to the window. Here, unlike in other parts of the castle she had seen, the windows were glazed, lovely old leaded glass. Turning the wrought-iron handle, she swung one casement pane outward. She leaned out. She couldn’t tell exactly how far up the room was, but it was high. Below and beyond the outer walls a carpet of dense green forest spread out and upward, mounting to the foothills of snow-tipped peaks far in the distance. Not a sound. The air was cool and sweet-smelling.

Someone opened the door to her room, and she jumped. Almost everything in this place made her jump. But this time it was only a middle-aged woman carrying bedding. She was dressed in a long gray undergown with sleeves full to the elbow. The sleeveless overgarment was white. She wore a white cloth cap tied around twists of gray hair to either side of the head. The woman’s face was pleasant, if a bit plain. Her complexion was ruddy, and she had few teeth. She looked friendly.

“Good morning, mum,” the maid said, smiling.

“Good morning.”

“May I …?”

“Um … yes. Yes, of course.”

The woman came into the room and began stripping the bed.

She stood watching for a moment before she said, “Uhh … I’m Linda Barclay.”

The maid smiled again. “Pleased to meet you, mum. Rawenna’s my name. Sleep well, I trust?”

“Yes. Yes! Marvelous. I —”

The maid looked up from her work. “You were saying, mum?”

Linda shook her head. She crossed to the footboard of the bed and ran her hand over the carvings. “You know …”

“Yes, mum?”

“I found this room by accident. I really don’t know … I mean, I hope I wasn’t —”

“Oh, don’t trouble yourself, mum. Any room where you’ll be comfortable.”

“But I’m not really sure I’m supposed to be here!”

“Oh?”

“I don’t even know where I am. This place …”

“You’re in the keep, mum. Forty-sixth floor, east wing.”

“Yes, but where? This is a castle, I know, but where is it?”

“Well, where are you from?”

“I live in Santa Monica, California.”

Rawenna stopped plumping the pillows long enough to think it over. She shook her head. “Sorry, mum, never heard of the place. I’m sure it’s nice, though.”

Linda nodded, then sighed and took a seat on a low stool beside the armoire. She propped her head up on one hand, elbow on knee. “I’m probably going crazy.”

“Such talk, and from a pretty young girl like you.”

“This is probably a hospital, and you’re probably a nurse, and I’m hallucinating the rest.”

“A nurse, mum? Me? Oh, I’m much too old.” She put a hand to her ample bosom. “Dried up long ago, I did. I’ve nursed a few whelp in my time, though. I certainly did.”

“That’s not —” Linda giggled. “God, this is so nutty.” She watched the maid fit the bed with fresh sheets.

When Rawenna was done, she tucked the sheets in, drew up the beautifully quilted bedspread and smoothed out the creases.

“I don’t even know how I got here. Or why I’m here.”

Rawenna stooped and slid out the chamber pot.

“I didn’t use that.”

She pushed it back under the bed.

“I don’t know if I can. I guess I’ll have to.”

“If you prefer to use the bath, mum, it’s just down the corridor.”

Linda brightened. “You have a bathroom? With a toilet?”

“A water closet, you mean? Yes, we do. Some of the Guests prefer it. Others … well, like me, they’re used to what they’re used to.”

“Guests?”

“Why, yes. The other Guests.”

“But I’m not a guest. I can’t be. No one invited me here.”

Rawenna looked at her. “How did you come to be here, mum? If you don’t mind my asking.”

Linda rubbed her forehead with a palm. “You’ll think I’m crazy.”

“Not at all.”

“I was in the closet, in my bedroom. At home, where I live …” She threw up her hands. “Oh, I can’t even say it, it sounds so insane.”

Rawenna considered it. “Sounds to me as though you got yourself lost, and found yourself in the castle. Am I right?”

Linda spread her arms wide. “Sounds good to me.”

“Then you’re a Guest, all right.” Rawenna finished with the bed and gathered up the sheets she had draped over the footboard.

“But who am I a guest of?”

“Why, of His Lordship.”

“His Lordship? Well, it fits.” Linda stood up. “Does he have a name?”

“Incarnadine is his name, mum.”

“Incarnadine. That’s his full name?”

With both hands Rawenna whumped the sheets into a manageable pile. “No. He’s called Incarnadine of the House of Haplodite, King of the Western Pale, Liege Lord, Protector of the — Oh, it goes on and on.”

“I see.” More to herself, she said, “A genuine castle, and a genuine feudal lord-type person.”

“Beg pardon, mum?”

“Oh, nothing.”

“Would you be wanting breakfast in your room, mum? Or would you care to join some of the other Guests?”

“I suppose I should meet them. Maybe they know something about all this.”

“Two floors down in the small dining hall, mum. I’ll take you there if you wish.”

“Thank you — after I take a shower, or a bath? It’s been two days. The other night I slept in a dusty old storage room full of crates.”

Rawenna shook her head and clucked. “Pity, a young lady of good breeding having to do that. We send out the men every night to gather up any new Guests, but … sometimes I think this drafty old place is just too big.”

Linda laughed. “That is an understatement.”

“I’ll fetch some fresh towels for you.”