Cast in Sorrow

Chapter 5

In the Halls of Law, the mess hall could get crowded. Unless it was deserted, it was never quiet. There were scores in the wood of old tables and benches, some of which commemorated old war stories, and some of which were part of them. Kaylin didn’t know everyone who worked in the Halls on a first name basis, but she came close.

She was reminded that Barrani weren’t human when she entered the dining hall. Instead of one long table, it boasted three, but each of the three was immaculate. If the tables were wooden, she couldn’t tell; they were covered in pale cloth. The cloth itself was of no fixed color; hues changed as she walked. There were chairs, not benches; instead of candles, there were globes of what looked like hanging water.

Kaylin knew people did this with glass—but glass didn’t ripple and surge like a liquid. She found it disturbing.

It was far less disturbing than the silence that enveloped a relatively quiet hall as she entered. Nightshade hadn’t been wrong; the hall was crowded. The tables were longer than any single table she’d seen, and wider than most of the ones in the mess hall. The chairs were filled. A sharp, rising panic made her dare a sweep of the room to find Teela or Severn; she found Severn first.

“Lord Kaylin.”

At the head of the middle table—a table that was slightly taller than the two that bracketed it—stood the Lord of the West March. He didn’t rise; he hadn’t apparently taken his seat. Which meant, in Dragon etiquette terms, that no one could start to eat. Because she was late.

Being late had never filled her with so much horror.

A glimmer of a smile touched the eyes of the Lord of the West March; he’d clearly chosen to be amused. This set the tone for the rest of the meal—or it should have. For elegant, graceful, stately people, the ones gathered here watched like eagles. Or vultures.

Not vultures, surely, a voice that was not Nightshade’s said.

Her eyes rounded and she had the grace to flush.

Walk, Kaylin. Do not scurry, but do not dally. As you suspect, all eyes—or ears—are upon you. You have a place of honor in this hall while you wear the blood of the green; your place after you have served your purpose will be decided by your behavior before the recitation.

She knew his True Name.

Yes.

Nightshade could—and did—intrude on her thoughts as he pleased; the Lord of the West March had never done so. It hadn’t even occurred to her that he could until he spoke.

This deepened his amusement.

You are unaccustomed to power, kyuthe. It is an advantage—to me. But you are not in the friendly and tolerant environs of the High Halls now.

She didn’t stumble by dint of will. His smile deepened; his eyes were a shade of green that was tinged with blue, but not saturated by it. She didn’t need to tell him that the High Halls did not define either friendly or tolerant in her books, but she had a feeling that if she survived this, it would. At least where Barrani were concerned.

The small dragon raised his head and brought it to the level of her cheek. His wings remained folded, although today they couldn’t do much damage to her hair; she was fairly certain she would never again be able to take it down. Men and women turned in their seats as his head swiveled from side to side.

The servants had almost entirely ignored his existence.

They did not. They were aware of him.

Will they make reports to whoever they work for?

Most assuredly. They are mine. They report to me.

You probably know everything I know already, she said, not bothering to hide the defensive note creeping into her thoughts.

No. I understand what a name means to you. You believe that the interest shown you is unwarranted; you assign it to the blood of the green. Were all else equal, you would be correct. Keep walking.

She did. But she kept her gaze firmly on the Lord of the West March; she glanced once, briefly, at Severn, but looked away.

All else is not equal. You are Chosen; you bear the marks. It is the only reason the blood of the green has not started a minor—and brief—interracial war. You carry a creature on your shoulder that is capable of killing the transformed. My kin do not know what role you played in the liberation of Orbaranne, but they suspect the truth.

The...truth.

That it was not by my hand alone that she was saved.

She had reached the head of the table; the Lord of the West March held out a hand. She slid her right hand into his and he led her to the seat she was meant to occupy; it was to the right of his, across from Nightshade.

All of these things make you a threat. But you spoke to the nightmares of the Hallionne, and woke his dreams. The Barrani of the High Halls, saving only the Consort, lend this little weight in comparison to the rest of the things I have pointed out—but to the West March, it is your single, saving grace. Do not hide it; do nothing—at all—to lessen its impact.

She sat. Her mouth was dry. She was certain that dying animals felt this way when the shadows of vultures passed over them. Before—and after—the bath, she’d been hungry; she was not hungry now. Now, anxiety shoved hunger to one side. The marks on her arms, legs and back were normally hidden; the marks that had, over the course of the year, crept up the back of her neck, were not. Nor was the rune that squatted high in the middle of her forehead.

She’d gotten used to the dress over the past couple of weeks. It was both comfortable and practical; even the long, draping sleeves had more in common with Barrani hair than mortal cloth: they caught on nothing. She could, with a perfectly straight face, make an argument for the dress as a uniform in the Halls—that’s how practical it was.

But the attention the dress now received made it alien and uncomfortable again.

The small dragon nudged her cheek, rubbing his snout against newly clean skin. He warbled.

If she were being honest, it wasn’t the dress. It wasn’t the marks of the Chosen; not even the new one, which, unless she spent time in front of a mirror, she couldn’t see. It was the weight of expectation. It was the certain sense that she’d just punched in above her pay grade, and now had to act as if she worked here.

She’d spent a lot of time in her fourteenth year seething with outrage because no one took her seriously; she could remember it, and it embarrassed her to think about it now. But she’d never understood—even when under Diarmat’s blistering condescension—how much safety there was in that. When no one took you seriously, there wasn’t a lot you could do to screw things up. Nothing you said or did really counted; people expected you to fall flat on your butt.

She’d wanted to be taken seriously. She’d yearned to be treated as an equal. Evanton had once said, Be careful what you wish for, the wizened little bastard. She had a heaping plateful of what she’d wished for, and swallowing even a mouthful was proving difficult.

And why was that?

She remembered eating in the mess hall for the first time. She’d been so proud. That had lasted right up until someone told her that she was the official mascot. She hadn’t reacted well. But—and she realized this now—she’d had the luxury of her very poor reaction. She expected people to look down on her. She looked for signs of it in everything. She bristled with anger at her certainty that everyone was.

She needed some of that anger now, but it was gone.

She was certain everyone at this table looked down on her; Severn was seated at the table to the left, near the foot of the table; Teela had chosen the seat to his right. She couldn’t see them unless she swiveled in her chair, and she knew better.

Where had her anger gone? What had it even been? Oh. Right. She’d been enraged that the Hawks thought they could judge her when they’d had such easy lives. They hadn’t grown up in the shadow of Castle Nightshade. They’d had food, and a place to live, and families that were mostly still alive. They thought she was stupid and naive; they thought she was hapless and ignorant.

She’d wanted to see them survive Nightshade, and then they could sneer at her.

Looking around the table—which she could politely do—she realized that she’d lost that anger. Somehow, when she wasn’t looking, it had frayed, and she’d done nothing to stitch it back together to keep it going. She was no longer certain that the people around her had had easy lives. Yes, they lived forever if left to their own devices, and yes, they were, to a man, stunningly gorgeous and graceful.

But given the chance, Kaylin would live none of their lives. True, she daydreamed about being born Aerian. But Barrani or Dragon? Never. War and death defined the Immortals; they lost eternity to it. If they had friends, they didn’t claim them in public; friendship, affection, even love appeared to be the ugly stepchildren of their races.

“Lord Kaylin,” someone said, and she blinked. It was Lord Barian, the Warden of the West March. His eyes were blue. The eyes of everyone at this table, with the exception of Nightshade, were now blue. She had a sinking suspicion she’d missed something.

No, Kaylin. But you must pay attention now, the Lord of the West March said.

What’s his title?

You may address him as either Warden or Lord Barian. Neither will give offense.

“Lord Barian.” She inclined her head. Her hair felt like a helmet.

“You have joined the High Court only recently.”

“Yes.”

“I am curious. To become Lord of that Court, one must take the test of name; when one does not possess such a name, how is one tested?”

She found the embers of her anger then. “You have no doubt journeyed to the High Halls to take that test yourself, Lord Barian.”

Careful, kyuthe.

Lord Barian met, and held, her gaze. He did not answer.

“The Barrani seldom speak of the particulars of their test. They don’t announce its results. Either they survive, or they do not. I am not, as I’m certain you’re aware, Barrani. My test did not involve any customary ritual; I was given no preparation. Nor was I told not to speak of the experience.” Or at least, not all of it. “But I assume the Lords of the Court hold their silence with cause.

“If you have seen the Tower, you know what waits there. To become a Lord of the Court, in the case of the two mortals who bear the title, all that matters is survival.”

“Will you speak of what you saw?” Another Barrani, farther down the table, said. The woman spoke softly, but clearly, and as silence seemed to have descended on both of the other tables, the room’s acoustics easily carried her words.

Kaylin glanced at the Lord of the West March; he watched her, his eyes slightly narrowed. She looked to Nightshade, whose eyes were emerald; they were probably the only green eyes in the building at the moment.

“Yes.”

If she’d thought the room quiet before, she discovered how wrong she was.

“Mortal memory is not, as you’re all well aware, reliable. It’s not perfect. Elements of what I witnessed have faded. If any who have seen what I saw wish to correct me, I will take no offense.” She thought she heard Teela snort. “I wasn’t raised in the High Halls. I was a visitor there, but the building is immense. I was searching for the courtyard, and I found the Tower instead.

“There was a word on the Tower wall. I could see it. The Barrani who had passed the Tower’s test could see it; the others couldn’t.”

“You...could see the word.”

She nodded. “And I understood that it was both an invitation and a command.”

Nightshade said, “It was an invitation. None can be commanded—not even by the Tower—to take that test. But those who choose to abide untested will never gain a place in the High Lord’s Court.”

Is this your story, or mine?

It depends. If you ask your Corporal, he will assuredly claim that I had some greater hand in its writing.

“I chose to enter the Tower. Lord Severn chose to accompany me.”

“The Tower allowed this?” The woman’s eyes rounded slightly.

“Yes.”

“At the base of the Tower—and arriving at that base was not a simple matter of descending stairs—was a hall that was much rougher hewn than any of the halls I’d seen in the High Halls. At the end of that hall was a cavern.” She fell silent for a long moment, considering her possible words with care.

“The Hallionne were built for a reason,” she finally said. “The Towers in the fiefs of Elantra were built for a reason. The High Halls exist—in the heart of an Empire ruled by a Dragon—” she paused to allow ice to seep into the silence, but did so without apologies; it was true “—for a reason. I met that reason. The test of name is purely a test of resolve, and if you fail your name is lost to the Lake of Life; it is lost until the moment that the creature in the cavernous basement is destroyed.

“What he takes, he holds. I—” She stopped.

The woman who had spoken seemed paler now. “How?”

“Pardon?”

“How does he take what he holds?”

“I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“Do they suffer?”

Kaylin wasn’t certain how to answer the question, it was asked with such intensity. Honesty, with the Barrani, wasn’t always the best policy; it was less risky than slitting your own throat, but not always in a good way. No one came to her rescue; no one gave her advice on what—or more germane, what not—to say.

“Yes,” she said. “They know where they are. They know they’re trapped.”

Humans—mortals, really—had pretty clear concepts about souls, not that they always agreed with each other. Kaylin had never been clear on the Barrani life and afterlife. Had the trapped people been mortal, it would have been clearer, for a value of clear that left nothing but bitter, helpless rage in its wake.

The woman fell silent for a long moment. “Thank you, Lord Kaylin.”

Kaylin shook her head. She almost reverted to Elantran, but she didn’t recognize this woman as one of the party that had traveled with the Consort, and she wasn’t certain she’d be understood. “I hated it,” she said, voice low. “I couldn’t understand, at first, why the test existed at all.

“But I understood it during the Leofswuld. No one who intends to rule the High Halls—and the Barrani, even if at a distance—can be vulnerable to the forces trapped beneath it.” This was not entirely truthful, but the theory was absolutely sound. “The High Halls houses something ancient and monstrous at its core; it’s meant to stand as a wall against that darkness. Those who have faced it and walk away can hold fast. If someone untested took the seat, what’s leashed there would be free.”

“And you consider that a significant danger.”

Kaylin was nonplussed. “I do.”

“To our people or your own?”

“Both.” The hands that rested in her lap began to ball into fists. “I understand bitterness at the loss. Believe that I understand it. But no one is forced to take that test.”

“Are they not?” was the cool reply. The woman glanced across the table, and her gaze fell squarely upon the Warden of the West March.

“No.”

Teela cleared her throat; it was audible because no one else spoke. Kaylin dared one look at Lord Barian, and regretted it.

“Perhaps,” the Barrani woman continued, “mortal customs are different. Or perhaps your knowledge of the Barrani is inexact. You were not required to take that test—indeed, I imagine that there are those present who would have argued strenuously against such an attempt. But for my kin, there are positions and privileges which accrue only to those who have taken that test and emerged.”

“My knowledge of the Barrani people is, as you suggest, inexact. My knowledge of my own people isn’t. There are positions within society which I’m unqualified to hold. I’ll never be part of the Human Caste Court, and I’ll never be wealthy. I was born in the fiefs, and spent all of my childhood there.” She did not look at Nightshade, because she was angry. Had she wondered where her anger had gone?

“But I choose the work I do now. If I had been told that my job depended on taking this test—and had I been informed that pass or fail was a simple matter of survival—I would have two choices.” She emphasized that last word. “I could have taken the test, in the hopes of keeping my job, or I could have found a different job.”

“And if someone was more than qualified for greater duties, but did not, for the same reasons, choose to undertake such a risk?”

“Then he’d have to find a different job. I understand that you feel there’s not much choice in that. But—it’s a choice, even if it’s a bad one.” She hesitated, and then said, “The Lady has what we would consider an extremely important job. Mortals don’t have True Names; we don’t require a Lady of our own. But not everyone can see the Lake of Life. Not everyone who does see it can hold their own name in abeyance; the desire to join what is there proves too strong.”

Kaylin, how do you know this?

She didn’t answer the Lord of the West March; she concentrated on the Barrani woman.

“Someone who can’t pass the test of name won’t survive the duties of Consort. If the Consort fails, a search will begin for someone new. But every single one of those women will be tested. I imagine the search won’t even extend to those who haven’t passed the test, because—” Her brain caught up with her mouth, and she shut up.

“And if someone was found who could touch the words, but had not taken the test?”

“The words would kill her if she weren’t strong enough to face what is caged in the High Halls. I’m sorry.”

Can I assume that most of the people in the West March don’t take the test of name?

Yes. That would be a safe assumption.

And that you’re ruling as Lord of the West March precisely because you have?

A glimmer of amusement touched Lord Lirienne’s inner voice. Indeed.

And last, that the Warden is qualified in all other ways to be Lord, except this one?

Very good.

Is she his wife?

He laughed, although his expression was all graven sobriety. No. She is his mother.

Kaylin felt a moment of discomfort as she readjusted her frame of reference. But...none of the Barrani ever looked like a mother, to Kaylin. She couldn’t, when it came right down to it, imagine that they could be. She’d never been asked to attend a Barrani birth and wondered idly if they carved their babies out of stone and hauled them to the High Halls only when they felt they could protect their artistry. Birth—of either the Dragons or the Barrani—was not one of the things covered in racial integration classes.

Is there a reason that he’s never taken the test of name?

You will have to ask him, although I do not advise it.

What exactly does the Warden of the West March do?

Centuries past, he replied softly, he spoke with, and tended to, the Hallionne. Lord Barian’s father, and his grandfather before him, absorbed the nightmares of the Hallionne. It is Lord Barian’s duty now.

Your sister is not Lord Barian.

No.

Then why did she—

Do you not understand? She knows the burden borne by the West March, and she knows why they must bear it. She is fully capable of doing what the sons of the West March have done.

And anyone else?

No, Kaylin. It is why they die.

And it’s why they can’t afford to lose him.

Perhaps. But the dreams of the West March fly above this citadel. While they last, they will speak with the Warden.

And not with you.

He did not reply.

If dinner had ended there, Kaylin would have considered it a win.

The blue-eyed mother of the Warden fell silent. Not to be undone, another Barrani spoke. He was, again, unfamiliar. “I cannot imagine how novel it would be to have a mortal living in the West March. Tell me, Lord Kaylin, how does your experience in the High Halls differ?”

“I’m not a Lord of the Court of the Vale,” she replied evenly. She had pretty much lost her appetite. That wouldn’t stop her from eating.

“No, of course not.”

Now this? This was exactly what she expected from the Barrani. It was, if she was being truthful, what she expected from the Human Caste Court and the moneyed class of her own species.

“There’s no convenient—and impartial—test of fitness,” Kaylin replied evenly. “Although I’m certain just being a citizen of the West March is qualification enough.”

His smile, which was lovely and grating at the same time, froze on his perfect face.

Lord Barian surprised her. He rose. He instantly had the attention of the room, which confirmed Kaylin’s sour suspicion that the pathetic mortal was the evening’s entertainment. “Enough, Avanel. Lord Kaylin is an honored guest. She has touched the dreams of the Hallionne, which is test enough for the Warden’s seat. It is an act of singular grace—and in gratitude, we bid her welcome.”

It was a welcome already extended by the reigning Lord of the West March; he did not, in any way, demur. But he watched the Warden; the Warden’s glance stopped, briefly, at his, as he surveyed the gathered dignitaries of both Courts.

Avanel didn’t apologize. Nor did Kaylin expect an apology; she imagined that the humiliation of being forced to do so would make her an enemy for life. Dinner was served; wine was offered. A silence broken by the muted syllables of distant conversation ensued, like an armistice.

The next jab at the mere mortal wasn’t aimed at Kaylin; the Warden’s word appeared to be law. No, the next question came one table over, where Severn was seated.

“Lord Severn.”

She turned to see who was speaking and caught the back of a head. The voice was male; the clothing marked the wearer as West March. More than that, she couldn’t tell, and she turned back to her food.

“Lord Tanniase.”

“It has been some time since a mortal has chosen to visit the West March.”

Severn appeared to be eating; he wasn’t doing a lot of speaking.

“In fact, I believe the last time one visited, he was not a member of the High Court. His circumstances were, however, highly unusual. Perhaps you recall them?”

“Mortal memory is imperfect, Lord Tanniase.”

“Yet you remember me.”

Severn failed to reply.

“Perhaps you interact with many of our distant kin in your fabled city. The journey to the West March is not one to be undertaken lightly, yet you chose to make it.”

“I did. I believe my sponsor of the time obtained all requisite permissions, and the Hallionne did not refuse me their hospitality.”

“The Hallionne do not decide.”

“No. I believe the Lord of the West March did.”

“In exchange for the warmth of our welcome, you killed a man and took an heirloom with you when you departed.”

Kaylin concentrated on her food, which was hard. She wanted to push her chair back from the table, get up, and move to stand by Severn’s chair. But he wouldn’t appreciate it, and neither would anyone else in the room. She’d never appreciated the visceral nature of Leontine culture quite so much.

“Your memory is harsher than mine,” Severn replied. “I was given the heirloom in question because I defeated a Barrani Lord in single combat. I appreciate the concern you feel on behalf of your kin, but believe it misplaced in this case; the weapon was not, and would never have become, yours.”

Eat, Kaylin. If you are concerned for Lord Severn, your concern is misplaced.

Is it true? Did he come here to kill a Barrani Lord?

He came, and a man died. Had he, as implied, attempted to steal the weapon he now carries, it would have destroyed him. While he lives, he wields it. It was damaged in the outlands, and there are craftsmen here who might see to its repair. They may well refuse, he added. But I think it unlikely. He is mortal. The weapon will return to our kin in a brief handful of years.

Why did you give him permission to travel here? When?

I am not at liberty to tell you if you do not already know. He is, in many ways, yours—but he is a man, not a child. He does not require your permission; nor does he require your knowledge.

“Perhaps we will test your knowledge of our artifacts,” Lord Tanniase replied. His voice implied eyes of midnight-blue.

“You propose a challenge?” Severn’s voice was softer. Colder.

Who brought him here?

The Lord of the West March failed to answer.

To Kaylin’s lasting surprise, Lord Evarrim spoke. “Lord Tanniase.”

“Lord Evarrim.”

“I would, of course, enjoy the spectacle of a Lord of any Barrani Court issuing a challenge to one merely mortal; I am certain it would afford us all some amusement. But the outlands appear to be held against us, and the legion of the transformed occupy the forests. The recitation will occur, regardless; if you wish to lower yourself to such a challenge, it might be advantageous to do so when the recitation is complete.”

“Are you implying that I might lose such a challenge?”

Lord Evarrim did not reply.

Kaylin couldn’t tell whether or not Evarrim’s comment was a not-so-subtle goad, but she knew Severn was in no shape to accept such a challenge. He could be in perfect health, and it would still be dicey—enough that Kaylin would bet real money against him.

She ate. The food might have been sawdust. She didn’t touch the wine, but remembered enough to use the right utensils. The entire meal reminded her of the entrance exam she had undergone in order to join the Hawks as more than their official mascot. It was worse because she’d wanted to be a Hawk so badly. Passing this exam, on the other hand? The only possible work advantage was that it might prove she was fit for the delicate investigations that involved Barrani—and that meant more time with Barrani.

She was enormously grateful when the ordeal ended. Lord Tanniase had not challenged Severn to a duel. She had been asked no more questions about the High Court, the High Halls, or her unenviable lifespan. She had not, that she was aware of, embarrassed her race or her profession.

But when the Lord of the West March rose, signaling an end to dinner, the Warden rose, as well.

“Lord Kaylin,” he said, bowing.

She froze. She was accustomed to being the butt of several jokes; she was even accustomed to condescension. Respect, when it was offered, made her ill at ease; she was certain some game was being played, and she didn’t want to become a game piece on whatever board the Barrani had chosen.

But she returned the bow with a nod, stiffening her knees as she remembered the protocols of theoretical equals. “Lord Barian.”

“I would converse with you about matters concerning the West March,” he said. “If your time is not already spoken for, and you are willing to do so, I extend the hospitality of my humble halls for the evening.”

She glanced automatically at the Lord of the West March; his eyes were a cautious blue, but not an angry one. He offered her no guidance. She wanted to say no; she’d had enough testing for one evening. But she wanted to offer no offense, either—not by accident. His intervention had prevented the dinner from descending into mortal-baiting; she owed him.

He noted her hesitation; it wasn’t brief.

“I extend my offer of hospitality to Lord Severn; he is, if I am a judge of mortal character, your man.”

“I would be honored,” she said.

He nodded. It became instantly clear to whom; four men rose and joined him. As did his mother.

Will you at least tell me her name?

Amusement. She is Avonelle.

Kaylin wondered why all Barrani names sounded so similar. Is she Lord Avonelle?

She is not a Lord of the High Court, as her questions tonight made clear.

Will I seem too obsequious if I call her Lord Avonelle?

No. You have chosen to grace her son with a title that you are not, by etiquette, required to use; extending the same courtesy to his mother would not seem obsequious.

She caught the hidden currents behind that thought and grimaced. Even for the Lord of the West March, fawning respect from mortals was not considered pandering; it was considered inevitable. The Barrani Hawks didn’t expect it. But with the single exception of Teela, none of them had a place in the High Court.

Tanniase?

He is a Lord. I understand that you absent yourself from both the Court and its unfortunate politics, but you must learn who comprises that Court. It is relevant, even in the West March. It cannot be irrelevant when the High Halls stand at the heart of your city.

She made a mental note to ask Teela for this information when she had the leisure time to memorize it. She was unlikely to forget Tanniase, however.