Carnal Secrets

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Waking up at dumb o’clock to find Shaya draped over him on a diagonal angle, Nick might have smiled if it wasn’t for the pounding on the bedroom door. Carefully rolling a sleeping Shaya onto her side, he pulled on his jeans and made his way to the door. Opening it, he found an edgy-looking Derren. Stepping outside the room, Nick quietly closed the door. “What is it?”

“I just got a call from Donovan. He hasn’t found the location of the game preserve yet, but he’s managed to track down the place where the extremists hold their meetings. I’m guessing they’re mostly just ‘we hate shifters’ chats, but it might be worth attending one.”

Later that evening, they did just that. From his spot in the wooded area surrounding the isolated warehouse, Nick closely watched the people gathered in the open building, waiting for the meeting to begin. Derren, Trey, Tao, and Dominic were squatting near him, studying the place just as intently. The great thing about their shifter senses was that they didn’t need to get close to hear and see what was going on.

Dominic shook his head in disapproval. “It’s wrong to bring kids to something like this.”

Tao looked at him incredulously. “It’s wrong to do something like this.”

“You know what I mean—if someone’s going to become a prejudiced shithead and go to meetings like this, they don’t need to pass on that ignorance to their kids and drag them along.”

Derren nudged Nick. “Hey, the blonde on the front row…Isn’t that the girl who works in Kent’s salon?”

Seeing that he was right, Nick nodded. “I guess it’s a good thing that Kent and Shaya kept the fact that they were hybrids from Paisley.”

Shaya hadn’t been at all happy when he’d asked her to remain behind, but she’d been placated by his promise not to act on anything he heard or saw at the meeting. But he guessed that if Taryn hadn’t agreed to remain behind, it wouldn’t have been so simple to make Shaya do the same. Jesse, Bracken, and Zander had wanted to come along, but Nick had needed to know that she was closely guarded. Although Taryn was still slightly wary of them, Nick’s gut and his wolf told him they weren’t involved. It had only been later that Nick realized he’d given the rebels an order and they had obeyed him like he was their Alpha. Groan.

“Logan is walking to the podium,” announced Trey. The humans clapped at the sight. “He doesn’t seem too happy, oddly enough.”

Nick shrugged. “He probably doesn’t like that what he did was plastered all over the Internet and TV.”

When Dominic shifted to lie on his side with his head propped up on one hand, casual as anything, Nick frowned at him. “What are you doing?”

The pervert’s expression was all innocence. “There’s nothing wrong with getting comfortable.”

“Is he always like this?” Nick asked Trey and Tao. They both nodded, sighing.

Logan raised his hands, gesturing for silence. “Friends, thank you for coming. Your dedication to our cause and your unfailing attendance hasn’t been unnoticed. You’ll see here the leaders of three local groups. Tomorrow night, there’ll be another. Yes, that’s right, the groups that are most local to the Sequoia Pack are banding together. And every single one of us will be ready—ready to finally act, ready to finally take on the responsibility of ridding the world of the abominations among us when they attack.”

Trey growled. “The prick’s basically formed an army.”

“If I know Logan like I think I do,” Nick said, listening to his gut again, “he won’t stop at destroying the Sequoia Pack.”

“And that could trigger a domino effect, make other human groups do the same,” Derren pointed out.

“We all know that they will never consent to being chipped,” continued Logan. “Nor will they accept a life of being confined to their territories. They had the chance to do that without our knowledge, but no, it wasn’t enough for them. They announced their existence and tried to infiltrate our communities, mating with our race and breeding hybrids. How many men and women have lost their partners because they believe they’re a destined match for animals? How many of our people have been lost to these ‘packs’ that are more like cults? How many more need to be attacked or raped and forced to produce offspring for these animals before the government acts?” There were a lot of supportive murmurs.

“So he doesn’t know that shifters can only reproduce with their mates,” mused Derren.

Trey snickered. “There’s a lot the humans don’t know. Many of them don’t bother to find out—too eager to fear and reject us.”

Logan held his hands up in a helpless gesture. “Let us be realistic—a war is inevitable. When the hearing is held in two days’ time and the verdict comes back in our favor, the shifters will be enraged and begin to attack our communities. We must be prepared to defend our town, prepared to protect our people.” The crowd was getting riled now. “We have gathered enough weapons to make that possible. Unified with several other groups, we have the numbers we need.”

“But what if the hearing doesn’t give the verdict we want?” another extremist asked, nervous and awkward.

Logan’s smile was truly unpleasant. “Then we attack. If the government refuses to act, we will do it alone. We will wipe out the Sequoia Pack and, most importantly, the small assembly of wolves living here in a local house. The group is run by an extremely dangerous shifter, one of the most dangerous I’ve ever encountered. He once murdered one of our own, and yet he walks the streets. As if that’s not bad enough, he is trying to mate with a female of our race and has drawn her into his cult. The shifters in her house have been gathering in number—it is clear that they plan to attack if the verdict goes in our favor. When that happens, we’ll be ready. And if it doesn’t happen, we’ll make it happen.”

Back in Shaya’s dining room, Nick held her in front of him—her back to his chest—with his arms curled around her as he relayed Logan’s speech to everyone. As he sensed her anxiety increase, he was sure to run his hands through her hair or trail his fingers up and down her arms or lick over his claiming mark—anything to soothe her and her wolf.

When Nick was finished talking, there was a momentary silence. Then everyone seemed to be talking at once, and his mom and Greta were suggesting finding where Logan lived and burning him alive.

“You have to come back to California,” Taryn said to Shaya. The Phoenix wolves all nodded their agreement. “You have to get away from those psychos.”

“I’m not letting anyone run me out of my own home.” Shaya set her jaw and lifted her chin. Yeah, pride could be a dumb thing but, dammit, she was sick of feeling the need to run from other people. Maybe it was time she dealt with it differently. “They’re the ones with the problem. Why should I be the one to leave?”

Taryn appealed to Nick with a look. “You talk to her.”

Shaya had fully expected Nick to back her up on this one…but he didn’t, the asshole.

“I say we leave.”

She snorted at her mate. “So you can keep me safe from Logan?” His overprotectiveness was freaking annoying at times.

Sensing that he’d nicked at her pride, he lightly toyed with her curls. “It’s not just that. Yes, it will mean I get to know that you, Roni, and my mom are safe”—his sister and mother didn’t appear to like the protective move either—“but it will also mean dividing the huge group of humans.”

Mollified slightly on realizing there was more to his decision, Shaya asked, “What do you mean?”

“From the things Logan said, he isn’t going to be happy until Nick’s dead,” Derren replied for him. “If Nick leaves town, he’ll follow. Sure, many of the humans will follow Logan. But many of the humans have grief with the Sequoia Pack, and they won’t be so concerned with a group of shifters who aren’t even in their town anymore—they’ll see us as the problem of whichever extremists live in the town we then head to.”

“Divide and conquer,” drawled Tao, nodding in approval.

“I can warn the Sequoia Pack about the planned attack.” Nick tucked his head into the crook of Shaya’s neck. “That will give them time to gather any contacts—I’m guessing the Nazi has plenty of them and they’re all plenty dangerous. They can deal with the humans who remain when Logan leaves, and I’ll deal with Logan.”

“We’ll deal with Logan,” corrected Derren. “You’re not alone in this. Don’t forget, Nick, you’re not the only one set on seeing that man dead.”

Nick nodded. “Fine. Now we have to decide where we lure them to. I was thinking—”

Taryn snorted. “We lure them to our territory.”

“You can’t be serious.” Nick shook his head. “This problem isn’t yours. You would risk your home, the safety of your pack?”

Another snort. “Of course I wouldn’t. But Shaya is pack to me. More importantly, she’s family. I won’t risk her safety. That makes this just as much our problem as it is yours. As far as I’m concerned, there’s no safer place than our territory.”

Anticipating that Trey would insist his pack stay out of this mess, Nick turned to the Alpha. To his surprise, the male nodded his agreement. Nick’s wolf was impressed and pleased.

“She’s right.” Trey cuddled his sleeping son closer against his chest. “We’ve stepped up the security measures. The place is now tougher to get inside than Fort Knox.”

“So we’re going to lure the humans there…but hide?” Roni frowned, looking confused and disappointed.

When an evil smile surfaced on Trey’s face, Nick understood where his thoughts had taken him. “You intend to let them think they’ve breached your territory. You want to let them inside, seal up the opening so they can’t get back out, and deal with them on your own turf.” Trey’s smile turned even more evil. The guy was just as ruthless as everyone said. Nick’s wolf approved.

Amber didn’t appear convinced it would work. “They have guns.”

“And we have Ryan,” said Trey. “The guy might only be one man, but he’s like a fucking ghost. Add in Jaime—who can sneak up on anyone without being sensed—and you have a way of moving in on the humans before most of them even know they’ve been discovered.”

“And let’s not forget that Shaya is an excellent marksman.” Taryn smirked.

Nick turned his mate’s face to his. “A marksman, huh?”

“My dad was a Navy SEAL, remember. He taught me stuff.”

Roni cocked her head at Trey. “How large is your pack? I heard it was a relatively small one.”

“It is. And I can’t seek support from my alliances as there may be extremists planning to attack them too—they need to be with their packs in case that happens. So there’ll only be us.”

“From what we heard at the meeting, it’s just Logan who intends to attack without provocation,” Tao reminded Trey. “The other extremist groups are simply on guard in case shifters attack first.”

Trey nodded. “I know, but do you think Nick would ask Jon to stand beside him in this war and risk his old pack—which still includes his brother and Taryn’s relatives—being adequately protected?”

Nobody responded, because the question didn’t need addressing: Nick definitely wouldn’t risk his old pack.

“Then there isn’t any other choice but to take care of this shit ourselves.” Trey shrugged.

Dominic sighed. “Yep. We can’t afford to just hide and ignore what the humans have planned.”

That was true, Nick could concede. He didn’t relish the thought of having more blood on his hands, but they couldn’t allow the humans to live and do the damage they intended to do, particularly as it would inspire other extremists to act in the same way. This was about more than just them. What decision they made would affect the lives of many shifters.

“Their large number doesn’t worry me,” said Taryn. “They’ll be on our territory where our rules apply, and whereas we know that land well, they won’t have a goddamn clue how to get to us. Even if that asshole Logan forms a huge army of extremists and turns up at the gates of our territory, he’s as good as dead.”

“He’s as good as dead anyway,” growled Derren.

“Then we agree that if he follows, it isn’t a problem.” Taryn and Derren exchanged nods.

Trey spoke then. “Their deaths will send a message too. Logan, boastful as he is, will have told his plans to the other extremist groups. When his gang of armed humans enters shifter territory never to be seen again, it won’t be forgotten.”

“Um,” began Jesse, “what about me, Bracken, and Zander? Do you want us to keep guarding the house while you’re gone?” he asked Nick and Shaya.

“I assumed you were coming with us,” said Derren, grinning.

Nick was ready to object, but the rebels were grinning as wide as Derren, and Nick didn’t have it in him to disappoint them. They clearly wanted to be part of this, and he guessed they would rather stand with the shifters here than with the Nazi. Still…“If you guys want to come, that’s your choice. But everyone needs to be clear that I’m not forming a pack.”

Derren waved a dismissive hand, all reassurance. “We’re all aware of that.”

If Shaya hadn’t known about Derren’s plan to make Nick into his Alpha, she would have bought that act. She wasn’t yet sure whether she wanted the plan to be successful or not. On the one hand, being an Alpha was natural to Nick and would make his wolf content. On the other hand, Nick had been loaded with responsibilities for a very long time. If he wanted a breather, he deserved one.

While the others continued discussing the extremists, Nick turned her in his arms and brushed her hair from her face. “You’re thinking very hard about something.”

“Just wondering what to do about the house. I mean, are we going back to California for good?”

Pursing his lips, Nick shrugged. “That’s up to you.” He had never felt bonded to any particular place—not even to the land where he’d once been Alpha. As such, neither he nor his wolf was being tugged in a direction other than Shaya.

“No, it’s up to both of us.” If the idiot wasn’t making decisions for her, he was handing them completely over to her—unreal. It struck her then that being a partnership was uncharted territory for Nick. As Alpha, he’d been used to making decisions alone and putting what everybody else needed before himself. She didn’t want him always putting her needs first. A relationship was about finding middle ground. “It has to be something that works for us both.”

“I know that, baby, but I don’t see the point in being fussy about something that means more to you than it does to me. I don’t feel drawn to any particular place. Maybe you do.”

“Actually, no. I’ve always wanted to travel. My dad used to tell me stories of all the places he’d been, and I’d always wanted to see them when I was old enough to go traveling.”

“Then maybe you’ll be happy to finally learn what the job you’ve applied for is.”

“Go on.”

“Dean Middleton is soon retiring from his position as one of the wolf shifter mediators. If you want the job, it’ll mean you’ll need to travel a lot.” In Nick’s opinion, no position would suit her better.

Shaya could only gawk. Then she was smiling widely and wrapping her arms around him. “Thank you!” It was, in fact, a job she would love.

“Dean’s contract doesn’t run out for another four weeks,” he told her when she released him, “so you have time to still go through the interview process. I’m confident they’ll adore you and decide you’re best for the job.”

Clearly Shaya’s delight had caught Taryn’s and Derren’s attention, because they both appeared. “What’s going on?” asked Taryn.

Excited, Shaya told them. “I would love it.” And it would give her a sense of purpose—another thing she would enjoy having. Grateful, she snuggled against Nick.

Taryn nodded approvingly at Nick. “Good call, Axton. I actually wouldn’t have thought of that, and I’ve known her for forever.”

“What kind of mate would I be if I didn’t know her inside out?” Nick dropped a kiss on Shaya’s head.

“An Alpha female as a mediator,” drawled Taryn. “Even better.”

Nick shook his head in exasperation. “How many times do I have to say it? I’m not starting a pack. You’re almost as bad as…” Nick stopped, frowning. His mouth repeatedly opened and closed, but the name of the guy he was talking about, the guy in front of him who he had known for a long time, wouldn’t come out. It wouldn’t come out, because he couldn’t remember it. He reached for it again and again, feeling like it was on the tip of his tongue…but it didn’t come. His wolf growled and instantly began pacing, knowing this wasn’t good.

Shaya frowned in confusion, unsure what was wrong. “Hey, you okay?” Nick looked at her, but he didn’t answer. He seemed to be struggling with something. Totally baffled, she turned to Derren and raised a questioning brow. The guy was pale. What the hell was going on? “Nick, what is it?”

Nick shook himself out of it, determined to hide his panic from Shaya. How could he not panic? The memory lapse was a too-familiar feeling—a sign that his cognitive functions were again degenerating. That could only mean one thing…a thing he had dreaded and feared and hoped would never happen. And there was really only one thing he could do if he wanted his mate—the only thing that mattered to him—to live a full, happy life: leave that life.

His wolf didn’t agree with Nick’s decision, as the animal was too elemental in his way of thinking. Shaya was his mate, she was his, and so Nick must claim her—things were really that simple to his wolf. As such, he was raging with Nick for his decision to leave, pacing, growling, tearing into Nick with his claws. But Nick ignored his protests. This wasn’t something he would budge on, no matter how much it enraged his wolf, or how much it would hurt them both to do it.

Forcing a smile for Shaya, Nick kissed her gently on the mouth, wishing he could deepen it, take his time, and enjoy this one last taste of her. But his Shaya wasn’t stupid; she would know something was wrong, would sense the desperation in that kiss. Worse, she would insist that he stay, would demand that they face this together because that was who she was. So fucking brave and with such a big heart and a stubborn will.

He didn’t want her to one day find herself looking into the eyes of a person she had mated with and seeing nothing of that person there. He didn’t want her to spend her life without someone being there for her, loving her, and caring for her. She had already lost her twin, had been through enough. She needed and deserved to have somebody who could take of her, not for it to be the other way around.

“I just remembered I haven’t let Bruce out of the motor home for some air today.” Most likely because he was uncomfortable being in a house full of strange shifters, Bruce preferred to stay in the motor home most of the time. “I’ll be back in a minute,” he added, running his finger from her temple to her jawline, needing to touch her, needing that contact…and bracing himself to give it up.

Suspicious and, for a reason she wasn’t sure of, suddenly anxious, Shaya nonetheless nodded. “Okay.”

“I’ll be back in a minute.” He took one last moment to drink in the sight of her, drink in every single detail of her face, despite that each one was already committed to memory—a memory that would disintegrate until it eventually didn’t include her. The idea of that was enough to put a lump in his throat.

Ignoring his wolf’s raging, Nick forced another smile for her and then strolled out of the house. It hurt to do it. Hurt to do the one thing he’d sworn to her that he’d never do. Hurt to know he’d never again see her, never again hear her laugh, and never again experience the calm that only she gave him. But he’d do it for her. And it was for her, though he doubted she’d see it that way.

He hadn’t been inside the motor home for more than five seconds when Derren abruptly barged in. “What are you doing?”

Nick threw Derren an impatient look. At least he could remember his name again. “Is that a serious question?”

“I thought you didn’t want to leave her.”

“I don’t. But I won’t fuck up her life.”

“Don’t you think Shaya gets some say in this? Or don’t you think you owe it to her to at least consult another healer?”

“If a healer as strong as Amber can’t help, no one can. And you know it.”

Derren bowed his head, inhaling deeply. When he looked up again, there was pain in his expression. “If you run, you’ll lose her forever, Nick. She’ll never forgive you.”

“I’d rather she hated me than for her to watch me slowly become someone I’m not, become her patient. That’s not a mate.” And at least this way, she would remember him as he was. “The upside of leaving is that I’ll lead Logan away from her. No doubt some of his followers are still watching from a distance. They’ll see me leaving.”

“I’m coming with you.”

Nick shook his head. “No.”

A snort. “Surely you’ve learned by now that arguing with me over this gets you nowhere.”

“I want you to stay with her,” he said through his teeth. “I want to be sure that she’s safe.” He trusted Derren with her.

Arching a daring brow, Derren folded his arms across his chest. “If you want to be sure she’s safe, stay.”

Son of a bitch. “Why are you doing this?”

“I’m your friend, and I don’t want you to make a mistake you’ll regret for the rest of your life.”

Nick snickered. “How could I regret anything when I probably won’t even remember her after six years or so? It would hurt her to see that happen.”

“So you’re going to cut and run?”

Hearing the new voice—a female voice filled with hurt, betrayal, and fury—Nick squeezed his eyes shut. He’d been so wrapped up in his own panic that he hadn’t sensed her come in.

Shaya advanced toward them, arms folded. It hadn’t taken a genius to work out that something was seriously wrong, particularly when Derren had dashed out after Nick. So she’d followed and remained outside the motor home, eavesdropping on the conversation between the two males. A part of her was hurting for Nick, sympathized with him, and even understood why he had made this decision and why he believed this was his only choice. But the other part of her was too torn up and felt too betrayed to give a flying fuck—he was her mate, he’d sworn that he wouldn’t abandon her again, and now he was going back on his word. Her wolf wasn’t angry; she was too busy freaking the fuck out, panicky and anxious.

Without moving her eyes from Nick, she gritted out, “Derren, leave.”

The authority in her voice made Nick’s wolf stop in his pacing, surprised. Even more surprising, Derren’s wolf didn’t appear to have bristled at a command coming from a submissive wolf. Nor did Derren; he coaxed Bruce to follow him out of the motor home and closed the door behind them…leaving Nick alone with a totally pissed-off female wolf who looked ready to bloody him—again.

Shaya smiled bitterly. “Here you are again making decisions for both of us, deciding what’s ‘best’ for me and leaving me, all in the name of that.”

“Are you telling me you wouldn’t do the same if the situation was reversed?”

Okay, yeah, she probably would, but while she was hurting this badly, she wasn’t concerned with being fair. “If I want to be here for you and stick by you through all this, then that is my choice.”

His face hardened. “I’m supposed to protect you, Shay. I’m supposed to protect you, care for you, and be a pillar of strength for you. It shouldn’t be the other fucking way around.”

A snicker. “Sounds like pride talking to me.”

Yes, his pride was taking a huge blow, but that hadn’t been what he’d meant and she knew it. “I can’t give you what you need,” he said quietly, his voice gravelly with emotion.

“You promised me,” she hissed.

“Shay—”

“You promised me. You swore you wouldn’t leave me again! I trusted you!”

“That was before I knew I wasn’t healed. And you’ve never really trusted me, Shay.”

The sadness in those latter words made her want to cry. He looked and sounded so lonely, and it broke her and her wolf inside. “You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to make this decision for me. I choose to stand by you through this.”

“Why? So you can watch me slowly deteriorate and become someone you don’t know? Well fuck that. I choose to not make you go through that.” And then she was punching the shit out of his chest. He locked his arms around her, grunting through clenched teeth as she dealt his ribs blow after blow. After a minute or so, she finally stopped. She didn’t move away, kept her forehead leaning against his chest as she tried to calm down, panting and clenching her fists. He gently kissed her hair, loving the softness of it and knowing he’d miss it.

She didn’t look up at him when she spoke. “I’ll hate you forever if you go now.”

Cupping her face, Nick lifted her gaze to his. “I would rather you despised me than for you to be without a mate. I wouldn’t be a mate, Shay. I wouldn’t even be someone you knew.” He ran the pad of his thumb across her bottom lip. “You deserve better than me anyway. You always knew that. It’s why you don’t want me to claim you.”

No, it wasn’t; she did want him to claim her. And maybe she hadn’t known exactly how much she wanted that until right then, but it was true. She had come to trust him as much as she trusted Taryn—which was saying a lot—had come to depend on him, and had come to finally accept his place in her life. And now he wanted to leave. Not a chance. If the situation had been reversed, nothing would have made Nick leave her. He would never have made her go through such a thing alone; he’d have supported her every step of the way. She’d be damned if she’d behave any differently. He was hers. Ill, healthy—it didn’t matter. And if he didn’t like her decision, he could kiss her wolf’s furry ass.

Dropping his hands from her face, Nick stepped back. “I need you to go inside now, Shay.”

Her eyes flared with defiance and anger. “No.”

Nick sighed. “Baby, please—”

“No.”

He arched a brow at her. “Don’t make me put you unconscious again, Shay. If that’s what it takes, I’ll do it. You know I never make a threat I don’t intend to follow through on.”

That was true. And fighting him off wouldn’t be easy; he was bigger and far stronger, and Shaya knew from past experience just how capable he was of taking her on. But she’d made her decision, and she’d stick to it. All she had to do was get close to him. Of course that was a little difficult right now while he was on guard, braced for her to fight him. Still, there was more than one way to skin a cat—or a wolf, in this case.

Just as she had that first night he came when he’d cuffed her wrists, she played the miserable victim accepting of her fate. “Can I at least get a hug before you leave me again?”

Guilt pierced his chest. “Come here.”

Worked like a charm. Fixing a desolate look on her face, she stepped into his open arms, which curled tight around her. She buried her face into his neck, being sure to sniffle.

Another arrow of guilt shot through Nick. “It’s for the best, baby. Really. I know you don’t think that right now, but it—” He flinched as her teeth sank down hard into the juncture of his neck and shoulder. “Fuck.” As she sucked hard on the mark she was leaving, Nick quickly realized she wasn’t marking him one last time. Shaya was trying to claim him.