Carnal Secrets

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Watching from his spot on the patio step as the wolf with the salt-and-pepper fur—Dominic—earned himself a swipe from a dark wolf with creamy markings—Ryan—Nick could only laugh. Despite Dominic’s wolf’s efforts to tempt the other wolf to play, he wasn’t successful. Ryan’s wolf was much too serious for that, just like his large gray Alpha who was currently watching two jet-black wolves—Derren and Tao—wrestle playfully. Similarly, the red she-wolf and the dark-gray she-wolf—Shaya and Roni—were leaping at one another playfully.

Many of the wolves had decided to go on a short pack run on the land behind Shaya’s home, sticking close to the house, but Nick was much too wary to shift while it was quite possible that one, if not all, of the rebels were in fact a threat. Over the past three weeks, he had watched them closely without giving any indication that he suspected them of anything. He’d come to learn that Jesse was surly and militant yet admirably composed. Bracken was flirty and a regular joker, but—unlike a certain blond pervert—he understood boundaries. Not only was Zander one of the shrewdest sons of bitches Nick had ever met, he was incredibly strong and fast. Not one of them had given him any reason to believe that they might be allied with Logan, but Nick wouldn’t risk Shaya’s safety.

Also, despite that the extremists no longer hovered outside Shaya’s home—wisely keeping a low profile—that didn’t mean they weren’t out there somewhere. When the video of the extremists’ attempt to attack Nick and Shaya went on YouTube three weeks ago, it hadn’t been long before the footage was featured on the news. Seeing the extremists demonstrate the type of violence, complete with flying bullets, that they repeatedly accused shifters of perpetrating had lost them a lot of support and credibility. Nick knew that Logan would hate that, would blame Nick for it, and he fully expected the asshole to retaliate by going for his only weak spot: Shaya. As such, Nick intended to stay on high alert.

Despite receiving a list of all the male shifters residing in Arizona, Nick was no closer to working out who was behind the creation of the game preserve. The only ones he knew personally were Jesse, Bracken, Zander, Hadley, and a guy called Flint who was born in the same pack as Nick. But Flint was a decent guy, mated and with two pups—it made no sense for him to endanger his own family.

Taryn had said she wouldn’t be surprised to find that her father was responsible, that she believed he was capable of just about anything. However, that didn’t ring true for Nick. Sure Lance was a bastard—so much of a bastard that he had been responsible for Shaya and her parents spending the first four years of her life packless—but he was known for his disdain for humans. He believed shifters to be the superior race.

Pulled out of his thoughts by a familiar yapping sound, Nick looked to see that his mate was snapping her teeth in warning at a russet she-wolf. Amber. It was a clear “fuck off.” Shaya might be reasonably patient with Amber, but her wolf sure wasn’t. Normally, a submissive wolf wouldn’t even entertain the idea of displaying such antisocial behavior at a dominant, but that wouldn’t mean shit to her wolf while she viewed the other female as a rival—her possessiveness and jealousy would drive her to make her point.

The russet she-wolf stood tall, growling low at the red she-wolf in an attempt to intimidate her. And what did his mate do? Lifted her head haughtily and turned her back on the dominant female, swishing her tail in her rival’s face for good measure—dismissing her with utmost contempt. He could only chuckle. But then the russet she-wolf growled again and moved toward his mate. Before he had the chance to react, his sister was there, blocking her path. She curled back her upper lip, displaying teeth and gums, at the threat to his mate. Roni was much more dominant than Amber, and they both knew it. Wisely, the russet she-wolf loped away.

“It seems the bitch has a sense of self-preservation,” commented Taryn as she sat beside Nick. “I find myself disappointed.”

“You’re not going on a run with Trey?” Nick asked her.

“There’s no point. Kye should wake up from his nap soon. Why, trying to get rid of me?”

He snorted, turning his gaze back to his mate. “There’s no such luck. But I have to admit I don’t much like talking to you.”

“Why? I’m a very nice person.”

“Because it’s like being arrested—everything I do and say can and will be used against me.”

She laughed. “How are things going with you and Shaya?”

He snorted again. “Like you don’t watch us like a hawk and quiz Shaya ten times a day.”

“She won’t tell me why her submissive status is suddenly no longer an issue for you. It makes no sense. According to Jaime and Dante, when they spoke to you about it, you insisted you couldn’t claim Shaya.”

Nick shrugged. “I changed my mind.”

“Huh. What did you do with the diaper?”

He threw her an exasperated look. “Don’t you have anything better to do than irritate me?”

“But it’s fun.”

He rolled his eyes. “On a serious note, must you really try to make things difficult for me where Shaya’s concerned?”

“Yup. You weren’t the one who held her while she cried, Nick. What you did devastated her.” She cocked her head, eyebrow raised. “What, nothing to say to that?”

“I don’t have to explain myself to you, Taryn,” he reminded her. “Shaya, yes. But no one else.”

“She’s my best friend.”

“Then be her best friend and support her instead of making things hard for us.” When Taryn went to contradict him, he asked, “Remember that time you came to my old territory to see your uncle? Remember how he behaved toward Trey? Don’s your uncle, and you love him, but when he was an ass to Trey instead of being supportive in your choice of mate, what did you do? You chose Trey over him. You put Trey first, because that’s what mates do. Don’t put Shaya in a position where she feels she has to choose.” He wasn’t just saying that because he worried she’d choose Taryn. He hated to see his mate hurting in any way. “Support her.”

“I am supporting her.” But he could tell that Taryn was now realizing that her behavior had, in fact, been anything but supportive. “I told her I’d give you a chance.”

“But you haven’t. You’re determined to hate me. To be quite frank, I couldn’t give a shit what anyone other than Shaya thinks of me. But it’s hurting her. And I know that’s something you’d never want to do.”

Taryn was a silent for a moment, which was new. Then she turned perceptive eyes his way. “Do you care about her? I don’t just mean as your mate, the person who’s made for you—it’s instinctive to be fond of your mate. I mean do you care about Shaya the person?”

He looked again at the red she-wolf, watched as she bounded around with Roni. “Yes. It’s kind of hard not to.”

Taryn tilted her head, conceding that. “True. Do you know why she’s holding back?” Her tone communicated that she did. He knew Shaya confided in her a lot.

Nick sighed heavily. “She thinks I’ll suddenly decide I want a dominant female and then leave her.”

Taryn’s expression morphed into one of surprise. “She told you?”

“No. I’ve come to learn how her little mind works, realized how many insecurities she has—it isn’t surprising, given how her own mother constantly puts her down. I’ve told Shaya over and over that she’s all I want, but another thing I’ve come to realize about her is that words mean shit to her. The only way she’ll believe me is if I show her that she’s all I want.” Although Nick wasn’t sure what more he needed to do to convince her he was sticking around.

After a short pause, Taryn sighed. “I guess it’s fair to say that you’ve been pretty perseverant up to this point. But if you get what you want and she gives in, will you suddenly feel bored? That’s my question.”

Nick gestured at the snippy red she-wolf, who was now approaching him—even her walk was sassy. “How could I get bored with all that sassiness?” The wolf came to stand between his bent knees, nuzzling his hands. Taking the hint, he began to pet her. Apparently the wolf didn’t like that another female was sitting so close to her mate, because she snapped her teeth at Taryn.

The Alpha female gaped. “Hey! Not cool.”

Smiling in amusement, Nick continued to happily stroke his mate and rub his face against hers. She licked at his chin and then snuggled up against him.

“I didn’t expect her to be that possessive.” Taryn looked at them curiously for a minute before releasing a sigh of resignation. “Fine. I’ll stop being a pain. Not that I’ll stop coming around here—I want to be here for her. But I won’t poke my nose in or be a bitch. However…know that if you hurt her I’ll shove a beer bottle up your ass, use your sphincter to twist the top off, and laugh along with everyone as you scream in absolute agony.”

“People would find that amusing?”

She shrugged one shoulder. “Well, I’d be laughing.”

When the she-wolf gave his chin another lick and then trotted inside the house, followed quickly by Roni, Nick guessed his mate was going inside to shift and get dressed.

“She’ll make a good Alpha female.”

It took a few seconds for Taryn’s words to sink in. He looked at her oddly. “What?”

“Are you going to let Kent join your pack too? I heard him talking to Shaya on the phone, saying that he’d happily—”

Nick held up a hand. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. What’re you talking about? I haven’t started a pack.”

Her smile was sympathetic. “You kinda have, sweetie.” She paused to nod at Derren as he came—now back in his human form—to sit at Nick’s other side. “You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if my uncle asks if he can switch from the Ryland Pack to yours. It’s safe to say your brother will definitely join.”

“There’s nothing to join.”

“Are you sure?” Taryn raised a brow. “Because if you count you, Shaya, Derren, Kathy, Roni, Amber”—said with a growl—“Jesse, Bracken, and Zander…Hmm, looks like the beginnings of a pack to me. By the time Roni and the unmated shifters have all found their true mates, your numbers will be—”

“Enough.” Beyond exasperated, Nick sighed. He didn’t have the patience for this. “Derren, you deal with her.”

Derren shrugged. “Taryn’s right. This is virtually a pack.”

“I know you think you can’t make Shaya your Alpha female without endangering her,” began Taryn, “but it truly wouldn’t make any difference if she was a dominant female.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that, yes, it will put her in physical danger, but it’s no different for me. In fact, I’d say it’s worse for me. The fact that I’m powerful makes a lot of dominant females consider challenging me—defeating me would quickly and significantly bump up people’s opinion of them. Shaya would be in similar danger if she was dominant.”

Huh. He hadn’t thought of it that way before. Nick wasn’t sure how he himself felt about being an Alpha again, but he knew that his wolf would leap at the challenge. He was born to lead; it was what he did best, and it was what he enjoyed doing. But his wolf wanted Shaya more than he wanted any position, just as Nick did. “In any case, I don’t think she’d want to be an Alpha female.”

“You won’t know unless you talk to her about it. One thing I know for sure is that she’d make a better Alpha female than many I’ve known.”

Nick could agree with that. Still…“My aim right now is to win Shaya’s total trust. If we decide to form a pack, it can be something that comes much later.” With that, he stood up and headed for the kitchen, intending to make some coffee.

With Nick out of earshot, Taryn turned to Derren. “Am I right in thinking that part of his problem is that he doesn’t want to share Shaya?”

“Yup. Plus, Nick prefers being alone.” Derren sighed. “If he had his way, the two of them would be holed up somewhere together and no one would ever bother them. But that’s never going to happen. Nick’s strength draws people to him, always has and always will. If you had seen the way he organized all the groups in juvie…Even the older ones followed him. There was only one guy, Merrick, who wouldn’t—Nick had to challenge him, and though he never meant it to go that far, he killed him. Nick never elected himself as leader, never tried to be one, but everyone made him one. And I’m going to do the same now. If he won’t take on the position, I’ll make him do it in my own subtle way.”

“He’s not going to like it,” said Taryn, but she was smiling. “How can I help?”

As her mom did her woe-is-me routine complete with degrading comments, Shaya was wishing she hadn’t answered the phone. Feeling guilty for the fact that she had completely ignored her mother’s calls for the past two weeks, she’d answered it…and now she was close to smashing her own phone. While Gabrielle Critchley was still ranting, Shaya placed her cell phone on the bed and pulled on her blue denim cutoff shorts and strappy black top. Unfortunately, her shifter-heightened hearing meant that she could hear every word clearly. Once Shaya had slipped on her black stilettos, she retrieved her phone. Time to end this quickly and cleanly.

“Mom, I know but”—she faked a static noise—“I have to”—another noise—“Something must be wrong with my”—more static—“I can’t hear”—more static—“I’ll call you tomorrow and—” Then Shaya ended the call with a sigh of relief.

She was just heading for the stairs when the bathroom door swung open and a strange female wrapped in a white towel walked out. Both of them froze, gasping. Shaya was just about to demand to know who the hell this woman was when she realized that the dusky green eyes were very familiar—eyes that were just like Nick’s. “Roni?”

She gave Shaya a wobbly smile. “Yeah. Hi.” Tucking the long, wet, ash-blonde ropes behind her ear, she cleared her throat. “Um, I sort of need clothes. I can ask Amber—”

“No, no, it’s fine.” Recovering from her brief moment of shock, Shaya pointed behind her. “Just follow me to my bedroom.” Once inside, Shaya closed the door behind them and gestured to the bed. “Take a seat.”

Gingerly, Roni perched herself on the end of the bed and gave Shaya a slight smile.

“It’s nice to meet you properly.”

“Yeah,” chuckled Roni—it was a rusty sound, suggesting she hadn’t made it for a while. “If I’m honest, I hadn’t thought about shifting back to my human form until you talked with me a couple of weeks ago. The things you said stuck with me, played on my mind over and over.”

Shaya couldn’t figure out whether Roni found that a good thing or a bad thing. If she was anything like Nick, the girl was the type to hold her cards close to her chest. “You and Nick really do need to talk. He thinks you stay in your wolf form a lot because you’re haunted by the memories of what happened—it breaks his heart and makes him feel awful. But it’s not that, is it? You’re haunted by a senseless guilt that you’re responsible for the downward spiral his life then went on.”

“Perceptive,” said Roni, catching the hairbrush that Shaya threw to her. “I didn’t realize he felt guilty. That’s stupid.” Dragging it through the tangles, she continued, “How could he think I was anything other than grateful for what he did for me?”

“Nick’s not exactly great with understanding ‘feelings.’”

Roni nodded her agreement. “He never has been. I’d be bad with emotion too if my wolf had surfaced so early. His mind wasn’t anywhere near ready for it, was introduced to a stage of life that his development simply wasn’t equipped to deal with. Can you imagine that? As young as he was, he found it hard to cope, and his wolf was so angry and cold. Having to deal with that at any age would be hard. I know because my wolf became so angry after what happened that day in the woods, but she healed.”

But Roni hadn’t, Shaya knew. “Nick’s wolf didn’t heal?”

“With my wolf, the anger was tangled up with trauma. With Nick’s wolf, it’s not trauma. He was born in anger, and it shaped his personality. You can’t ‘heal’ someone’s personality. You can change it to some degree, but not heal it.”

Shaya retrieved a long-sleeved T-shirt and a pair of jeans from her wardrobe and laid them gently on the bed. “They should fit you fine.”

Roni fingered the soft material of the white top as she quietly confessed, “I’m nervous about going downstairs and facing all those people.”

“How long has it been since you were last in this form?”

“About six months.”

Wow. “And that’s by choice? Your wolf doesn’t hound you to stay in wolf form?”

“Oh no, she’s quite happy to stay in that form for months at a time, but she doesn’t fight the change. She understands there has to be a balance.”

Right now, it wasn’t a very good balance in Shaya’s opinion. There wouldn’t be one until Roni healed. “The lingering guilt…it’ll get better…but only if you want it to. Sometimes we cling to the guilt because we think we deserve to suffer. That’s not the same as being truly guilty of something, is it?”

Roni frowned thoughtfully, but she didn’t answer.

“It’s not that you need to forgive yourself. It’s that you need to realize there’s nothing to forgive.”

“Have you forgiven Nick for not claiming you in the beginning? It wasn’t that he was abandoning you. If you had seen the state he was in when his cognitive functions started degenerating…It was horrible. We all panicked, scared we’d lose him. I remember the day he first met you. He came home that night, and he was in the foulest mood. He told me about you, about how it had killed him to leave you behind. I’ve honestly never seen him look so upset—not even when he was sentenced to time in juvie. Not even the times we went to visit him there. When he met you, he was in the middle of his healing sessions and his future was so unsure; he didn’t want to be your patient. I think he also worried that if he claimed you and then slowly became someone you didn’t even know—worse, someone who didn’t know you—you would then hate him.”

“Idiot.”

“Yeah, but Nick’s a good person. The best. He’ll drive you insane sometimes because he’s stubborn and likes having his own way, but he’ll do everything he can to make you happy.”

Shaya couldn’t deny that—he’d been doing it since he first turned up, wanting to claim her. He guarded Shaya with a ferocity that was more than protectiveness and possessiveness. It was in his tone, his posture, his gaze, and the way he liked to tuck her into the cradle of his shoulder, sheltering her while communicating “mine.” The intensity of it all made her feel totally safe and secure while still not stifling her on any level. And although Nick wasn’t, by any means, soft-shelled and could be quite cool and remote in general, he could be indulgent, thoughtful, patient, warm, and unselfish with her. He was safe and solid—exactly what a submissive wolf needed, exactly what Shaya wanted. “I have forgiven him. How could I not?”

“But you still haven’t allowed him to claim you.”

“Like I told Taryn, I worry he’ll decide he wants a female who matches both his physical and inner strength.”

Roni considered that for a moment before speaking. “I know you probably won’t want to hear about Nick’s past, but you should know that he never sought out only dominant females; his past flings include submissive wolves too. Status was never something that was an issue for him. He never treated any of those females the way he treats you—never looked at them like they were all that mattered. You could fix him, Shaya. But you could also break him totally. And don’t forget, if he wanted a dominant female that badly, he could have claimed Amber.” She said the female’s name through clenched teeth.

“You guys aren’t really friends, then?”

A snort. “No, she hangs around me to get to Nick.”

“You know what I don’t get? Nick is a really astute, observant person, yet he’s never—until now—picked up that Amber wants him.”

“Ah, but she’s been clever,” Roni said. “See, he was very clear to all the females that he’d never imprint with anyone. Many of them tried to seduce him into changing his mind, but Amber’s approach has been to become close to him in another way. To wriggle her way in by first becoming his ‘friend’—although if you were to ask Nick, he’d say he doesn’t have friends, because he doesn’t realize that people naturally like and look up to him. Anyway, she obviously hoped they could be friends and it would grow into something more. It hasn’t worked, because Nick doesn’t bond with people easily. He’s grateful that she’s good to me, but he doesn’t realize that she’s good to me just to impress him and earn his loyalty and a spot in his life.”

Shaya folded her arms across her chest and cocked her head. “Does she care about Nick?”

“Yes, I think she does. And it can’t be nice to watch someone you care about with someone else. I’d imagine it’s agonizing. But if you mate with Nick, she won’t try to steal him from you. She’s not delusional; she’ll know that the claiming has solidified the mating. And if she cares deeply for him, she’ll back off and wish you both luck. If not…well, just be careful. Whether we like it or not, she’s physically stronger than you, and she’d love to hurt you.”

Shaya smiled. “That’s okay. I’m good with a bat. And if all else fails, I can always show her my knife trick.”

Roni grinned. “You and I are going to get along so well.”

Wondering why Shaya was taking so long, Nick intended to go upstairs in search of her—followed closely by Amber, who was jabbering on about something or other. When he reached the hallway and heard footsteps on the stairs, he was expecting to see Shaya. His mouth dropped open at the sight he found. “Roni?” Reaching the bottom of the stairs, she smiled a little awkwardly, as if unsure what reception she’d receive. He pulled her into a huge hug. “Hey.” When her arms went around him, he swallowed hard. Seeing Shaya smiling at him, he mouthed, “Thank you.” He didn’t have to ask to know that she had something to do with it.

Shaya was enjoying watching Nick and Roni chattering away and doing that sibling teasing thing…until Amber came to her side, making her automatically tense slightly. Her wolf bared her teeth.

“It’s so amazing,” said Amber, gesturing to Roni. “We don’t see her in her human form often. Even when she changes, she often keeps to herself. It’s great to have her being sociable like this. Thank you.” She laid a hand on Shaya’s arm, the image of sweetness.

Shaya patted Amber’s hand a little patronizingly. “You’re so welcome.” Amber didn’t like that. Ha.

At that moment, Taryn, Trey, Dominic, and Tao entered the hallway and stopped dead, growling. Shaya quickly realized they weren’t too happy to see Nick hugging another female. “Guys, this is Roni.” Like that, the growling stopped. One by one, they each came over and greeted her.

Then Roni did the oddest thing. She cocked her head at Dominic and slowly made her way to him. Stopping in front of him, she scratched a nail over his collar almost tantalizingly. A mixture of surprised and curious, he smiled. In the same tone Dominic reserved for his cheesy lines, she said, “Are you religious? Because you’re the answer to all my prayers.” After giving Nick a conspiratorial wink, she then waltzed away, presumably to find Kathy. Well, it seemed that Roni was getting some payback for her brother.

Wide-eyed and gaping, Dominic pointed at her retreating back. Turning to Shaya, he spluttered. “She just—” He shook his head. “Did you hear—?” He exhaled heavily. “Dear God, I hope she marries me.” As he ran after her, they all laughed.

Nick held Shaya against him. “She’d eat him alive. What you’ll soon learn about my sister is that she can handle just about any guy. I’ve yet to see her tongue-tied or blushing—she’s resistant to charm.”

“Oh, you don’t need to worry about Dominic.” Tao shook his head. “He’ll tease your sister and flirt with her, but he’ll never touch her.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Because it’s clear that she’s someone he could like as a friend, and Dominic doesn’t sleep with girls he likes.”

Shaya realized that Tao was right, and she was about to comment when Nick flinched beside her. Seeing his face scrunched up in pain, she asked, “Another headache?” He’d been having at least two a day lately. No doubt it was due to the strain of being unable to locate the preserve or find out the identity of the shifter who was running it.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut against the blinding pain. “It’s okay. I’ve got some pi—”

“Here, let me help.” Amber stopped in front of him and went to touch his head, but a pointed look from Nick made her freeze.

“No.”

She sighed. “Don’t be stupid, Nick. You’re in pain.”

“It’s no big thing, leave it.”

“Why would you want to suffer?”

“I have some pills upstairs. I’ll be fine.”

She turned to Shaya, huffing impatiently. “Tell him, Shaya. Tell him to stop being silly. You don’t want him in pain, do you?”

Oh, now that was smart. And cunning. And made Shaya want to kill the bitch. Of course she didn’t want her mate in pain. To tell Amber to stay away from him when she could heal him would be cruel and petty. Shaya was backed into a corner, and there was no other answer she could give. “It’s fine, Nick.”

“No, it’s not,” he immediately countered. He knew exactly what Amber was doing.

Taryn stepped forward. “I can heal him, if you want.”

“Nobody is healing me. Leave it.” Pulling away from Shaya and simultaneously avoiding Amber’s attempt to touch him, he made his way up the stairs.

“He’d sooner suffer than let me touch him?” Amber’s expression turned sulky.

Taryn pursed her lips. “Well…I’m liking Nick a little more now.”

Rolling her eyes at that, Shaya followed him up the stairs. Hearing someone coming up behind her, Shaya turned when she reached the landing. “Everything okay?” she asked Taryn, who looked shifty and unsure—totally unusual for the Alpha female.

“I’m sorry.”

Shaya frowned. “For what?”

“Being a bitch to Nick all the time, and trying to get in the way.” Taryn came a little closer. “At first, I was doing it because I wanted him to put in all the effort you deserve. But then I carried on doing it because I was trying to punish him a little for hurting you. Best friend or not, I had no right to do that to your mate. And I sure as hell would have hated it if you’d behaved like that with Trey.”

Smiling a little, Shaya rubbed her upper arm. The whole thing had been bugging Shaya to the extent that she had almost snapped at her friend a couple of times. The only thing that had stopped her was the knowledge that Taryn’s heart was in the right place. “It’s okay. I know why you did it. I know you meant well.”

“That doesn’t make it fair, though. I just hate how badly he hurt you.”

“Yeah,” sighed Shaya. “But I hurt him badly too. Just like Trey once hurt you badly and Dante once hurt Jaime badly. It happens when you’re in a relationship. They can get complicated and difficult because people can be complicated and difficult. But imagine how different your life would have turned out if you had rejected Trey because he hurt you. You guys wouldn’t be so happily mated, and you wouldn’t have the adorable little boy sleeping downstairs.”

Taryn nodded. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry, and that it’s going to stop.”

“Thank you.” Shaya hugged her best friend tightly, feeling a weight fall from her shoulders.

“You should know something. I talked to him earlier.…He knows you worry he’ll leave you for a dominant female.”

It annoyed Shaya that her mate was so astute. “It’s only natural for me to worry,” she said defensively.

“I don’t think it is. You’re an amazing person, Shaya. Why would you think that you’re not good enough for him exactly as you are? Look, I know your mom’s done a number on you, and I know that what Mason did made it all ten times worse, but don’t let it mess this up for you. Don’t let her and Mason make you hold back from Nick. I wouldn’t root for him if he hadn’t just told me he cares about you. You deserve to have that.”

Shaya scrubbed at her forehead. “I want to trust him. I just…I don’t know how. I honestly don’t know how to totally trust another person. I trust you about as much as I’m capable of trusting someone. But Nick…he’s my mate, and he’ll want more than that, it’s only natural. I just can’t yet.”

Taryn was silent for a moment. “Okay. Just think about what I’ve said. Oh, and you should probably know something else too. Derren has every intention of making Nick into an Alpha and forming a pack.”

Shaya smiled a little. “I can’t say I’m surprised.”

“It would make you an Alpha female, if you mated with him. Would you want that? Don’t say you couldn’t manage that position. You could, and you know it.”

“I don’t really know how I feel about that yet.”

“Then I guess that’s something else for you to think about. And now I hear my son crying.”

“Go. We’ll talk again later.” As Taryn skipped down the stairs to tend to Kye, Shaya trailed after Nick, knowing he had gone into the bathroom to retrieve some of his pills from the cabinet. To her surprise, she found him lounging in the bathtub, eyes closed. His lids lifted when she shut the door behind her.

“Hey, baby.” Nick tried to play it down as he always did, but his pain was even in his voice, which was undoubtedly what made Shaya wince.

“You should have let Amber heal you,” she admonished quietly, knowing his hearing was always sensitive when he had one of his headaches. Having kicked off her stilettos, she crouched beside the tub and dipped her hands in the hot water. “I admit I don’t like her touching you. But I prefer that to you being in pain.”

Yeah, well, he preferred the pain to her being upset at seeing another female touch him, especially Amber. “The headache’s already fading.” When she began massaging his temples, he groaned and closed his eyes again. “Now I understand why my dad used to lock himself in his room when he had one of his headaches.” Every little noise was like a hammer to his head.

“I don’t like how many pills you take a day. It can’t be good for you.” The feeling of helplessness plagued her and her wolf. “What can I do?”

“Come here. You’re better than any pill.” Slipping a hand behind her head to tangle in her curls, he gently brought her face to his and slowly took her mouth, sipped from it, licked at it, and sucked on her bottom lip. Tightening his hold on her hair, he tugged hard and, without breaking the kiss, slid deeper into the water, effectively urging her inside the tub. She compliantly followed as he’d known she would, coming to straddle and drape over him. Needing her skin against his, he slid her top up and over her head and removed her bra. Then he flattened her upper body to his, feeling her pebbled nipples stab his chest. Releasing her mouth, he ran a hand through her curls. “So beautiful.” She blushed cutely.

Massaging his scalp with both hands, Shaya lightly kissed him. Hoping to distract him from the pain, she said, “May I just note for the record that it would be great if you could stop leaving bite marks all over my breasts? Most of them are in spots that are easily visible to others.”

A self-satisfied smile spread across Nick’s face. “I was marking them as mine. And I like looking at your breasts and seeing my brands right there, just as I like knowing that if anyone else dares to look at them, they’ll know you’re taken.”

The latter word sounded so final and absolute—a balm to her lingering insecurities and her worry that he would leave her alone again. “It would also be great if you could give the dozens of marks on my inner thighs time to fade before leaving any more. I can hardly wear a bikini when I look like I’ve been assaulted.”

“You won’t be wearing a bikini unless we’re alone. No, baby, I’ve seen how skimpy your bikinis are. As much as I approve, I’m not going to deal well with other guys drooling over you worse than they already do.”

“There has been no drooling. That’s just you being paranoid and possessive.”

She really didn’t see how beautiful she was, and Nick didn’t understand it. “Believe me, they look, and they drool. Not that I can blame them.” He skimmed his hands up and down her back, clutching her close.

“I’m too thin and pale,” she contradicted, echoing Paisley’s claims. They weren’t insults she hadn’t heard before—her mother informed her of this on a regular basis.

Nick gave her a stern look. “No, you’re perfect. The most perfect thing I’ve ever dared to touch. Every single inch of you is delectable, especially this.” He slid his hands inside her cutoff shorts to cup her ass. “It’s every guy’s fantasy.” So many females these days didn’t seem to have an ass; there was nothing to hold and clutch and squeeze. But the one in his hands…Perfect.

“The one who gets drooled over is you,” she insisted. “And it’s freaking annoying.”

“I wouldn’t know about that. My attention’s always on you.”

That would have sounded like a pathetic, kiss-ass comment if it wasn’t for the fact that Shaya knew it was true. His focus was always on her. When he did notice another female was ogling him, he would touch Shaya or pull her close, as if to reassure her that she was the one who mattered to him. She hated that she needed that reassurance so much, but a part of her would always be locked away until she felt she could totally trust him.

As she started to shift away, Nick could feel her emotionally withdrawing a little. “Why do you hold so much of yourself back, Shay?” he asked softly, tightening his arms around her to keep her close. It was another thing he had come to learn about her. “You don’t just do it with me. You can bond so easily with people, but you never give them all of you. Why?”

It was disconcerting just how well he could read her. “When I was sixteen, I met this guy, Mason. He was ten years older than me.”

His wolf growled, not liking another male’s name on her lips. Nick didn’t like it much either, but this was important. “Go on.”

“He had all the right words, said exactly what a sixteen-year-old girl with an empty space inside her would want to hear. If I hadn’t felt so starved of a connection, maybe I wouldn’t have fallen for it, maybe I wouldn’t have let him convince me we were mates. I wasn’t the first girl he’d done it to. The weird asshole had a thing for virgins. When I realized I’d given my virginity to a complete asshole, I hated myself and I swore I’d never be that naive again. I became pretty distrustful and wary, not intending to give so much of myself again unless it was my true mate—someone I was confident wouldn’t betray me.”

As guilt and shame slithered over him, Nick’s eyes fell closed. “I don’t know who I’m angrier with—me or Mason.” He kissed her neck. “As much as you avoid deep connections, it’s what you really want, isn’t it?”

Yes, it was. She had been her own worst enemy, really—craving a soul-deep connection but at the same time avoiding forming one because she didn’t want to risk feeling the pain of losing it. “I want to feel indispensable to someone.”

His hands framed her face, seizing her gaze. “You’re indispensable to me—essential to me on every level. I wouldn’t be here, suffering the company of your old pack and listening to some pervert constantly hit on you with cheesy pickup lines if you weren’t.”

She would have chuckled if his mouth hadn’t mashed with hers. “You know, I once shook hands with Jaime on a plan to get a gun and assassinate you.” Without moving his mouth from hers, he laughed. “And I planned on getting ‘Nick Axton Is a Fuck-Ass’ tattooed across my forehead. It was just that…when I found you, it was terrifying and electrifying, pain and pleasure, and then…” And then utter agony when he’d walked away. When he looked about to apologize, she put a finger to his lips. “It’s okay. Roni told me how hard it was for you to walk away that night.”

Hearing her be so understanding actually made it worse. “Fate should have given you someone better than me.”

She gave him a look full of censure and disapproval. “You’re a deserving person.”

He cupped her chin. “If you really believed that, you’d want me to claim you—I’m not bringing it up to push you, I’m just pointing out an important fact. You’re beautiful and perfect, and you deserve better. Any shifter would be proud to have you. But none of them can have you—you’re mine, even if you don’t want to be.”

Before she could say a word, his lips were on hers and his tongue was shooting into her mouth, sweeping away any intention of speaking, any intention of telling him he was wrong and she did want to be his, of easing the hurt in his voice. His hands cupped her ass again, pulling her tight to him. Even through the denim, the feel of his hard cock against her clit made her gasp. Sliding her hand between their bodies, she fisted him and began to pump, making him groan.

Pulling back, Nick stared at her red, kiss-swollen mouth…and had only one thought going on in his mind. “Tell me…whose mouth is this?”

Shaya swallowed hard. “Yours.”

“That’s right. It’s mine.” Swiping his thumb across her lips, he met her eyes. “I want this pretty mouth wrapped around my cock, Shay.”

It wasn’t a request, she knew. And it vibrated with enough dominance to make both her and her wolf quiver.

“I want you to step onto the mat, take off your shorts, and dry yourself off. Can you do that for me?”

Nodding, she did exactly as he asked—all the while, he held her gaze, refusing to let it go. Then he stepped out of the tub and she patted him dry, their eyes still locked. Abruptly his fingers tunneled into her hair as his tongue drove into her mouth, stroking her own. As always, his kiss took her over, demanded everything from her but at the same time gave her everything back—a give and take that she wouldn’t have expected from this alpha male who could at times be so remote and distant with others.

“I want your mouth now, Shay.” With the hand knotted in her hair, he pushed down gently but firmly on her head.

Shaya slowly went to her knees, finding herself level with one hell of a hard-on. Knowing that she could induce this response from such a darkly sensual male sent a sizzling thrill through her body.

“Clasp your hands behind your back.” Without moving her eyes from his cock, she did as he’d asked; the action elevated her breasts the way he liked. Tightening his hand in her hair, he said, “Lick it.” Without hesitation, she ran her tongue along the length of his cock from base to tip and then lathed the head. Christ. “Open your mouth.” The second she did, he eagerly surged inside, and the feel of her hot mouth surrounding him was too good.

She was his living, breathing sexual fantasy. She was always game for whatever he wanted to do, always eager to please him, and always trusted herself to him. It was the one time that she didn’t hide or hold back from him. Her cheeks hollowed as she repeatedly took him into her mouth, dancing her tongue along his shaft as she did. “Fuck, that’s it. Look me in the eye, baby.” Her gaze flicked to his, searing him. “I’m going to fuck you, Shay. I’m going to fuck you so hard. Do you want that?”

Shaya paused in her sucking to nod. His eyes flashed with approval.

“Very good.” He traced the outline of her mouth. “You’re going to scream for me when my cock is in you, Shay.”

Yeah, she most certainly would, she thought. She always did. As she began sucking harder while cupping his balls, his face scrunched up in a kind of pleasurable agony.

“Fuuuuuuck.” Close to the edge, Nick roughly speared his free hand into her hair so that both his hands then held her captive. He angled her head slightly and held her still as he pumped his hips. She didn’t fight him; she stayed still other than to scratch her nails along his thighs. Then she moaned around his cock, and he couldn’t take any more. With a guttural groan, he exploded into her mouth. “Swallow it all, baby. All of it.” It was another way to mark her, another way for her to accept that she was his to mark.

When Shaya felt him begin to go flaccid in her mouth, she pulled back and sat on her heels, peeking up at him.

He rubbed a hand down his face. “Christ. That was too good, baby.” Again, he traced her mouth. “Now get up and sit on the edge of the tub while I take the rest of what’s mine.” It wasn’t until he’d licked her to orgasm twice that he sat back and lifted her, impaling her on him fully. When he exploded inside her, he came much too close to claiming her right then, consequences be damned. Not because of how possessive he felt or how determined he was that she accept that she was irrevocably his. But because he realized just how much he’d come to care about her, knew he was nothing and no one without her. He really couldn’t let her go, and he hoped to God she didn’t ask him to. He’d give her anything she wanted, but not that one thing.