Byzantium Endures

FOUR

IN THE DAYS WHICH followed, Shura was to introduce me to scores of new delights and against these I had absolutely no protection. My mother had warned me about revolutionists but not about the real attractions and dangers of Odessa: the gay, sardonic company of those slangy bohemians who did not give a damn for Karl Marx or the Tsar, who believed that their city was the world and that nowhere else on Earth was so beautiful. They were in many ways right. Very quickly I began to assume the tastes and manners of my friends. Odessans were regarded by the rest of Russia much as Californians are regarded by New Yorkers. The bright clothes we wore were natural to us, natural to the rosy light which made the city glow, and only appeared vulgar when removed from their locale. Even casual thievery in Odessa was not looked upon very seriously. It was almost as if property in that city were already communal, save that it was up to a person to hang on to as much of it as he could but not be resentful if he were outwitted and parted from it. Of course, not everyone shared this spirit. Such people were usually officials or immigrants of some sort, anyway: like the pompous burghers in their seaside cottages, or the holiday-makers who came to swim and lie in the sun. The women wished to flirt with sailors and our Odessa boys.

Odessa boys had dark eyes and white teeth and brilliant scarves. They wore painted ties, displayed a great deal of cuff with elaborate cuff-links, sported stick-pins and monstrous rings and cocky hats and chocolate-coloured spats; their waistcoats were of yellow mohair or Chinese brocade. Odessa girls wore feathered hats and dark, Ukrainian shawls, crisp, white blouses and light, swinging skirts. They patrolled the promenades in little, giggling gangs during the day and occupied the gardens, lit with strings of tiny electric bulbs, in the evenings. Then the huge Odessa moon would make the sea look like mercury, as volatile and indescribable as the Odessan character, while accordions or orchestras would play the tunes of the moment, as well as the latest songs from France, America, even England and Germany. Through the crowds would stroll soldiers and sailors, arm in arm with their lady-friends; gigolos on the look-out for the wives or widows of self-satisfied merchants; merchants on the look-out for girls; pick-pockets, confidence-tricksters, photographers, hurdy-gurdy men and postcard-sellers. Here, too, were families of Hasid Jews, conspicuous in their dark clothes, shawls, pe’os and other paraphernalia, who were an embarrassment to all, bourgeois Jew and Gentile alike. Yet they were tolerated, these fanatics, as they would not be tolerated elsewhere, in spite of the fact that members of the Black Hundreds, who had begun the pogroms ten years before, almost entirely comprised Odessa’s city council.

Shura introduced me to girls. They kissed my cheek and said that I was ‘lovely’ and ‘a duck’, which was not quite the impression I had hoped to give them. I was learning the rich, elusive speech of the city, however, as I had learned other foreign languages, and was soon proficient in it. It was this ability, which I gradually lost as I grew older, which helped me in many of my future situations. Where language was concerned, I was a chameleon.

Shura was very pleased with my progress. He took me up to the limans, those strange, dark, emerald-green shallows, full of mud and minerals. They are half-wild: the haunt of game-fowl and blind fish, where reeds wave and peculiar shadows move beneath the glinting, agitated surface. They are half-tamed where the large hotels and health-resorts crowd close together. Here I learned to run errands for rich women. There was a great deal of commission involved, for one was tipped by all parties involved in the transactions. At other times we would engage in business by the docks where there were always ships: steamers, sailing boats, schooners, loading and unloading. Cargoes of fish, fruit, wine, cloth or even coal were often sold directly they were landed. Traders were omnipresent and would pay for information of many kinds. Shura was well-known and I became almost as familiar to them by my slightly Frenchified nickname of ’Max the Hetman’. Also my relationship with Shura guaranteed me a place in the bohemian inner circle. There was already a small legend which suggested I was ‘something hot in Kiev’. Soon it was possible for me to wander freely about the district without Shura to guide me and I made acquaintances of my own. I never went to the docks without him, however. That grey world of overhead railways, derricks and worn-out dray horses had a sense of danger to it. It was where most of the revolutionaries came from.

In the meantime, of course, I tried to obey my mother’s wishes. I continued to study in the evenings (though they became shorter as my days grew longer) and to stay in the fresh air enough to show an improvement in my skin colour, so as to placate my aunt. Uncle Semya seemed to expect nothing of me save that I ‘learn a little of the world before going back to school’. I am grateful to his philosophy and experience which made me appreciate education all the more. But the wine and the euphoria could not sustain me indefinitely and sometimes I was forced to spend whole days in bed recovering from the excesses into which my enthusiasm led me. On one of these days a grinning Shura came to see me. ‘I heard you weren’t too well. I warned you about that rich Armenian wine, didn’t I?’ He picked up one of my journals. His lips moved as he tried to read the German words in the text. ‘What’s this?’ He pointed to a paragraph about Oddy’s work on chemical isotopes. It was the beginning of the end for practical science. Together with Bohr’s atomic theories, Oddy’s came to seem more like the mad abstractions of ‘modernist’ paintings, whose authors were part of the same mutual admiration society. I explained to Shura that it was probably nonsense. His reply was to laugh and say, ‘I see. You can’t understand it, eh?’

‘Well enough to see through it,’ I replied. ‘Why are you here?’

Shura rubbed his nose. ‘I thought you might like to come out to Arcadia today. You need to get yourself a girl.’

‘I’ve no energy,’ I told him. ‘I can’t even think.’

‘You need a doctor.’

‘Nonsense.’

He was sympathetic. A little reluctantly, he drew something from his waistcoat pocket. Throwing his scarf back over his shoulder he opened a fold of newspaper and held it out towards me. ‘Don’t breathe too heavily, Max. You’ll blow a lot of money away.’

I looked down at the small quantity of white powder which lay in the newspaper. It was like the stuff one took for dyspepsia or headaches. ‘What is it? For a hangover?’

‘Exactly.’ Shura went to my dressing table and put the fold of paper carefully down. Then he took a rouble note from his wallet and rolled it until it made a tight little tube. I was mystified, amused. ‘What on earth’s all this ritual?’

He brought the packet back, with the rolled rouble. ‘Do you know how to take it?’

‘I don’t.’

‘You sniff it into your nose.’

‘But what is it?’

‘It’s cocaine. You use it to pick you up. Everyone does.’

‘Like you get in hospital?’

‘Exactly.’

In those days there was little association in the popular imagination with cocaine and addiction. It was not illegal to use it or to sell it, but it was expensive and therefore tended to be the prerogative of the wealthy. As I inexpertly drew the first crystals into my sinus I felt not that I was doing anything particularly wicked but that I was party to yet another luxury hitherto reserved for my betters. At first there was nothing but a little numbness in my nostrils and I was disappointed. I told Shura that either I was immune to the effects or that I needed more. He continued to leaf through my books. Slowly a feeling of ecstatic well-being filled me. Good cocaine does not merely give a sense of one’s whole body coming alive, there is at the same time an aesthetic delight, a love for the drug itself, a love for the world which can produce it, a love for oneself and for every other human being, a supreme confidence, an exquisite sensitivity, a profound understanding of the tensions and forces controlling society. An habitual cocaine-user (whether he injects or sniffs) should learn to distinguish the reality and the fantasy, to marshall the energies released by the drug, but at that time I was as much in its power as I had been in Shura’s. Of course, I felt utterly my own man. ‘It works very well,’ I said. ‘I feel a hundred times better.’

‘I knew you would. Coming to Arcadia?’

I thought of the pretty girls I would see there, of the fine impression I would make. I thought of the foreigners I could meet and speak to, the inventions I could create, just lying on the sands. I dressed myself in Vanya’s best (along with one or two extra items which I had purchased for myself). ‘What’s the time?’

Shura shook his head and laughed aloud. ‘Oh dear, Max, you’re certainly a joy to know. It’s about noon. We’ll have lunch at Esau’s first.’

We never reached Arcadia. Instead we spent most of the afternoon in Esau’s and I talked of all the things I knew, in all the languages I could speak; of all the things I was going to do; and my most attentive audience was little Katya, a year or two younger than myself but already a well-liked whore, who led me, still in a daze of cocaine-dust, by her tiny warm hand, out of Esau’s and along an alley and up into a sunny attic room with a window looking towards the smoky heights of Moldovanka and Vorontzovka, inland towards the ancient steppe, and here she took away all my clothes and exposed my body and admired it and stroked it and removed her own little silks and cottons and lay upon her white bed and taught me the trembling joys of manhood so that to this day the pleasure of cocaine-taking and copulation are mingled together in my mind. I have been a regular user of the drug all my life and apart from some mild trouble with my sinuses I have suffered no ill-effects. While I frown upon reefer-smoking and opium-taking, because they dull the wits and the will to do, which is the supreme human quality, I know many great men who have made use of cocaine to help them in their work. Of course, it can be abused - Bolsheviks and pop-stars, for instance - but that is true of all the gifts we have on this Earth.

After my experience with Katya I slept very deeply. Next morning I found that she was still there, still as tender as she had been, but anxious for me to leave because she stood to lose business. I asked when I could return. She said that I could come and see her the next day, when she had restored her routine. It might seem strange to my readers that I did not feel jealousy towards her customers. I never sought to analyse my feelings. My love for Katya, with her small, boyish body, her wealth of black hair, her humane and profoundly benign eyes, her delicate lips and fingers, was one of the purest loves I ever knew. Even when I saw her with her ‘friends’ I felt nothing but comradeship towards her. I do not think, in spite of what was to happen, that I managed to discover quite such a balanced relationship again. My life with Mrs Cornelius was altogether more complex and her role towards me, in the early days at least, more maternal.

My meeting with Mrs Cornelius came only a day or so after my first experience of sexual intercourse. My toothache had grown worse and Uncle Semya said I must have the best dental treatment. Again the dentist, Cornelius, was mentioned. Wanda must take me at once to Preobrazhenskaya (one of Odessa’s most fashionable streets) where the tooth would be pulled. My debauched life had left me pale, with bloodshot eyes. I think he believed my toothache to be worse than it was. He did not want the responsibility of telling my mother that I had, perhaps, poisoned my jaw.

In a smart Steiger, the driver a stiff silhouette on the seat in front, Wanda and I drove through foggy, autumn streets. The wheels rolled over rustling leaves which had become gold as the sea-fog turned yellow. The Odessa fog muted all the colours of the season. It muffled the sounds of the ships in the harbour and the traffic in the main boulevards. We passed the cemetery, clad in a canary shroud. Shadowy ladies in their brown autumn coats and hats, and gentlemen also in darker colours, anticipated the approach of winter.

By the time the cab turned into the long, straight avenue of Preobrazhenskaya I felt extremely lordly in my new three-piece suit, with white shirt, stiff collar and cravat, like a Count on his way to visit a Prince. My nervousness of the dentist had partly been offset by a soupçon of cocaine, taken just before we left, and partly by a sense of my own elegance. We disembarked outside an impressive building (it was in the district close to the Theatre and University) just as sunlight began to fall again upon the city. We entered a lobby and took a flight of stone, curving stairs up to a door which bore a brass plate announcing H. Cornelius, Dentist.

We were expected, but there was another visitor in the well-appointed waiting-room. She seemed very much a lady of fashion, in her mutton-chop sleeves and her hat with fruit and flowers on it, with a little veil. She smelled of expensive perfume. She was, I now realise, only about Wanda’s age. But she had a romantic, foreign air to her.

She had not, it seemed, been expected. The dentist’s receptionist was saying as much when we entered. I cannot reproduce the lady’s wonderful English so will leave that to someone else. She seemed very confident as she stood in the middle of the room, holding her salmon-pink sunshade in one hand, her matching reticule in the other. She was dressed almost entirely in pink with some white decorations and, of course, the various colours of her hat. She was a picture from one of my French or English magazines. The feathers swept round, like the train of a savage monarch, as she turned to look at us. She had blonde hair (not in those days very fashionable) and a pink and white face, with a little paint on it. She smiled down on us, although she was not particularly tall, and it might have been the Tsarina herself condescending to notice me. She was speaking English, as I say, and seemed a little put out by the stupidity of the receptionist who had addressed her in German and then in French.

‘I told yer. I’ve come ter see me cuz.’

I recognised the English words, if not exactly the sense of what she said. ‘The lady is English,’ I informed the girl who, in apron and uniform, looked like a baffled sheepdog. I removed my hat. ‘Can I be of assistance, mademoiselle?”

The English girl was delighted. She seemed to relax. ‘Could you inform this stupid cow,’ she said, ‘that I am ‘ere ter visit me Cousin Haitch - Mr Cornelius. It is Miss Honoria Cornelius, who he’ll doubtless remembah as the little girl ‘e used ter dandle on ‘is knee. I ‘ave been stranded in ongfortunate circs - circumstances - and need ter see ‘im in private.’

‘You have not come to receive his professional ministrations, my lady?’

‘Do what?’ I remember her saying. This puzzled me. She added: ‘Come again?’ I gathered she had not understood me.

‘You have nothing wrong with your teeth?’

‘Why the ‘ell should I? Every one a bloody pearl and sound as a bell. ‘Ow old d’yer fink I am?’

I spoke directly to the bobbing receptionist in slow, clear Russian. ‘This lady is related to his excellency, the dentist. Her name is Mademoiselle Cornelius. She is, I believe, his cousin.’

The receptionist was relieved. She smiled and escorted the English lady into another, even more luxurious room. With a ‘Ta very much, Ivan,’ to me, Mrs Cornelius vanished. I was to learn from her much later that the dentist was not in fact a relation at all. She had come across his name in Baedeker’s at a nearby bookshop and had decided to visit him. She had been travelling with a Persian aristocrat, a well-known playboy of those years, when they had had a difference of opinion in their hotel (the Central). He had left on an early steamer, having paid the bill only up to that morning. She was unable to speak a word of Russian but even then she was making the best of things. She had been very grateful to me, it appeared, because she had almost been at the end of her tether. This was how she recognised me when we came to meet again. She had given up hope of finding an English-speaker anywhere in Odessa and I was ‘a godsend’, even if, in her words, I ‘talked like a bleedin’ book’.

After she had gone, and Wanda and I were seated, the English lady’s perfume (crushed rose-petals) was all that remained of her. I was called into the surgery. Wanda still accompanied me. She was curious, I think, to see the inside of a dentist’s workshop. A handsome middle-aged man, murmuring in what I supposed to be Dutch, peered into my mouth, clucked his tongue, put a mask over my face and made his receptionist turn the tap on a nearby cylinder. A strange smell replaced the scent of roses. I was gassed. A peculiar humming began in my ears - zhe-boo, zhe-boo - and black and white circles became a moving spiral. I felt sick and dreamed of Zoyea and Wanda and little Esmé, the warm, comforting body of my Katya. All were dressed in the salmon-pink costume of the English girl who was cousin to Heinrich - or was it Hans? - or Hendrik? - Cornelius.

I remember leaving with an emptier jaw and a fuller, throbbing head. When I asked what had happened to Mademoiselle Cornelius Wanda giggled. ‘Her cousin seemed only too pleased to be of assistance.’ I was reassured.

With regular supplies of cocaine from Shura and from other sources, I was able to continue with my studies and with my new, adventurous life. I developed a firm, regular friendship with Katya. Eventually, I fell in love with her almost as deeply as I had with Zoyea. The holiday seemed to be without end. Uncle Semya had assured me that I was welcome to stay until my place at the Polytechnic was ‘firmly arranged’. There was no certainty when this would be. I was awake sometimes twenty hours in the twenty-four. Sometimes I did not go to bed at all. My letters to my mother were regular and optimistic. Nor was my whole life given over to adventure. Uncle Semya and I regularly visited the theatre and Opera (usually just the two of us). He proved an astonishingly tolerant host.

Aunt Genia was inclined to fret over me, feeling that, quite rightly, I was overdoing things. But at dinner Uncle Semya would laugh and say: ‘Wild oats must be sown, Genia.’ This in spite of his standing in the community (high-ranking officials would often take dinner with us and on these occasions it was usual for Wanda and myself to eat in the kitchen with the cook).

Of course life with the pleasure-loving bohemians of the Odessa taverns was not without its problems. There were fights - or threatened fights - almost every day. In the main I was able to escape trouble, either by assuming a friendly or neutral stance (something which became second nature to me) or by talking myself clear. But I was not always able to avoid the revolutionaries my mother had warned me against.

In the main any political talk would send me away at once, unless it was the simple irreverences of Odessa small-talk, but when my engineering experience and scientific skills became known I was courted by more than one socialist. There was a particular scoundrel who might have given me trouble: a morose and introverted Georgian ‘on leave’, as he put it, from Siberia. He wanted me to make him some bombs for an attack he planned on the Odessa-Tiflis mail train. I trembled with terror at the very idea of being overheard, let alone involved. If my mother had known, it would have killed her. But I could not merely walk away from him. This sinister bandit with the unlikely name of ‘So-So’ had a low, persuasive voice and smouldering eyes staring from a heavily unshaven and pockmarked face. These aspects alone were enough to make me address him with at least superficial politeness. I said I would look into the problem of producing the bombs. I planned to complain next time I saw him that it had been impossible to obtain the materials. I thought it wise to return to the tavern when I had promised, but to my huge relief he was not there. I never saw him again. Perhaps he was arrested. Perhaps he was shot by the police. It was even possible that, like the man who had double-crossed Misha the Jap over some morphine supplies, he wound up being fished from the Quarantine Harbour. There was only a certain, limited sort of honour amongst the thieves of Moldovanka. Anyone who broke his trust was submitted to sudden, swift justice of a kind which, if the Tsar’s police had been prepared to dispense it in a similar fashion, would have at once put paid to any revolution, Bolshevik or otherwise.

It is even possible that the Turks saved me from So-So’s furious mouth. It was just the next day, when I was lying with Katya, that I was awakened from a wonderful, drowsy half-dream, by a whistling scream and the sound of a distant explosion. I thought there had been an accident in one of the factories or that a ship had blown up. But the screams and explosions became regular and, as I ran downstairs with Katya, a skinny friend of mine called Nikita the Greek dashed past in the street shouting that the Germans were shelling the city. Into the fog we. went, with some idea that it was dangerous to stay inside, through a tiny, tree-lined plaza like an impressionist’s painting of autumn, and still that unreal, fascinating death (such things were new to us then) went whistling on. Everyone was panicking. It was terrible to see so many frightened people appearing and vanishing in the fog. Most of the shells had been intended for the harbour and the Allied ships there and soon Odessa’s defences came into action. The damage was chiefly in Persuip, the industrial district by the sea where the shipyards were. The enemy was driven off with comparative ease. The following morning we learned it had been the Turks who had shelled us. Turkey was not at that time officially at war with Russia. A couple of days later we declared war on the cruel and cunning Moslem.

Until this raid I had been entertaining thoughts of remaining always in Odessa and going to the engineering school there (which was very good, though it did not have the prestige of St Petersburg). I do not think Uncle Semya would have objected had it not been for that bombardment, which showed how vulnerable Odessa was. ‘The sea is reminder enough of our death!’ he said feelingly, that evening at dinner. For the first time I was allowed to join him and two of his guests. One was a local police-chief and the other the captain of a French ship which had been slightly damaged during the shelling. He regretted, Uncle Semya said, that he could not take his whole family to Kiev or even to Moscow. His business affairs were so complex that they could not safely be left to other hands. This made the police-chief laugh. My Uncle Semya was displeased, but gave a faint smile. He said that he had thought of going into the entertainment business, into kinema-displays. It was the sort of thing people wanted during wartime. Everyone agreed that the ‘kino’ was the business of the future. In America fortunes were already being made. ‘It would suit me,’ said Uncle Semya, ‘to be at least in one respect a patron of the arts.’ He had considered opening a theatre, but the investment in these troubled times was a bit uncertain. Kinema equipment could be moved, however, from place to place. You could give shows in barns, in the open air at night if need be. He visualised himself and Aunt Genia in a horse-drawn caravan - ‘a gypsy life on the open road’ - with his projector and stock of films, going from town to town. ‘How popular we should be. How pleased people would be to see us.’

‘People are always pleased to see you, Semyon Josefovitch,’ said the police-chief. ‘You perform so many important services to the community.’

‘To the world at large,’ said the captain, representative of internationalism. ‘You are well-known in Marseilles and Cardiff. I have heard people speak of you.’

‘What, in France and England?’

‘To my certain knowledge.’

Uncle Semya was extremely glad to hear this. ‘They find me an honest merchant, I hope.’

‘Oh, indeed, I am sure they do!’The police-chief discovered more cause for baffling laughter. I remain confused to this day by much so-called humour. I had every respect for the man’s rank but I found his red, puffy face, his grey-mottled beard, his sly smiles, rather unattractive, particularly after he had had more than a few glasses of wine. The captain was much more pleasant. He had bright green eyes and wind-tanned cheeks. He carried a private, circumspective manner with him, as if he only attended the dinner from a sense of duty, or because he had to deal with Uncle Semya on business. It could be that he was as upset as I was by the police chiefs coarseness.

The following morning I received a depressing letter from Esmé. Her father had contracted influenza and had died quite suddenly in hospital. She said my mother seemed happy, though missing me. Esmé had gone with her and Captain Brown to the theatre once or twice. They had watched some kino pictures of the War. She reported that our soldiers were driving the enemy back on every front. The specific news from Kiev now seemed very provincial. I read the letter with a certain sense of superiority. Esmé said she had decided to try to become a nurse at the front. I wrote back at once before going to Katya’s, telling her that I thought this would be a perfect occupation for one of her temperament and character.

Before I could take the letter to the post-office, Uncle Semya called me into his study. He asked if the letter from Kiev had been sent by my mother. I told him that it was from Esmé, a childhood friend. He seemed relieved. ‘I am wondering at the sense of keeping you in Odessa. The experience has been good for you so far. It has helped you grow up and so on. That, frankly, is what I wanted. You would not have survived much longer in the world, tied to your mother’s apron - ‘

I came to the defence of my mother, but he raised a neat hand. ‘I am not criticising poor Yelisaveta Filipovna. She has done very well by you. Rather better, I would say, than other members of the family who have had children. Vanya has his virtues, but I have no son to be proud of as she is proud of you.’ I warmed with pleasure. That’s why I am so anxious you should not be in danger. It is still taking a little time to approach the appropriate persons in Petersburg but I think we are nearing success (you will have to be photographed). So it is not certain you will be able to begin classes in January as we originally planned. I am wondering about my duty. Should I let you continue your “life-studies” here in Odessa - I gather you have made many friends - or should I send you back to the safety of Kiev?’

‘You think there will be another bombardment Semyon Josefovitch?’

‘The Turks took us by surprise. They will not be able to do that again. We are probably all right. But your mother will hear of this. What will she say?’

‘She will want me to return, naturally.’

‘And you think you should go?’

‘Not until absolutely necessary. I am happy here.’

He was satisfied. ‘Genia Mihailovna and myself were both saying how much you had changed, how much brighter you have become. More self-confident. You’ll be able to perform services for me, I hope, in Peter, when you go there.’

‘Of course, uncle. I would be honoured.’

‘We have a man on our hands, I think.’ He frowned. ‘You must be careful of the girls. Max.’ It was not the first time he had used this diminutive. ‘There are diseases. You know of these?’

‘I think so.’ I knew very well the dangers of venereal disease, always present in a port like Odessa. I took the necessary treatments, recommended by Katya. We had so far escaped any evident problems.

‘And you have been to the casinos?’

I admitted that I had.

Uncle Semya became almost jolly, ‘I used to enjoy the casinos. The trick is never to play with your own money. Invent a system and then offer to cut someone in for half the profit. You’d be surprised how many investors you attract. If you win, they are pleased and continue to invest. If you lose, well, you have lost their money and must admit that the system needs improvement. It is how I got my first real capital.’

I was astonished at this frank revelation, even a little shocked. But I realised my uncle had relaxed enough to offer me ‘man-to-man’ advice. It was an announcement that, in his eyes at least, I had come of age.

Uncle Semya seemed distracted then. He sighed. ‘We had thought of emigrating. Less than a year ago we planned to go to Berlin where I have a brother. Now we shall have to wait and see what happens. I heard a rumour we were forming a new alliance with the Germans against the Turks. Yet they don’t fear the Turks in Peter as much as they fear the Germans. We should move nearer to the middle. Perhaps to Kharkov. It’s safer in the middle of any country. But there are reasons - ‘ He waved a mysterious hand. ‘Let’s see what your mother has to say.’ His sharp, mild features clouded. He said something, I thought in German, about the Jews, but he spoke so softly it was impossible to understand him. He reached into his desk. He took out a passport, smiled at it almost wistfully, then replaced it in the drawer.

Feeling that I had been given even more freedom than before, praying that my mother would not be alarmed by the news of the bombardment (though I knew she would), I returned to my room. After I had reinforced myself with a little of my own supply of cocaine I went to call on Katya, to see if she would come with me to Esau’s. When I arrived at her place (which was over a hardware shop) her mother, who occupied the back first-floor room and was also a whore, said that she was busy. With habitual tact I left a message and went on my own to the tavern. I had expected to find Shura there, but he was about some business, and I fell into conversation with a couple of dancers from one of the cabarets. A man and a woman, they had just done a tour of the provinces and were complaining about Nikolaieff which they described as a ‘one-tram town’.

Shura came in shortly afterwards. He greeted me with a slap on the back and one of his winks. ‘Going to Peter, I hear.’

I said that it still wasn’t entirely settled. He ordered a glass of tea and drank it thirstily. He nodded. ‘When you get there, you want to keep in with all those well-connected young ladies at the university. They’re the daughters of rich men. I talked to a girl yesterday. She’s on holiday at Fountain and liked the look of me. Her father’s a factory-owner from Kherson. He sent me packing when he caught me giving her the eye. But he’s the sort. An industrialist who’ll back your patents.’ Another wink.

I said that it sounded as if he were recommending a con-game, and he laughed, ‘Isn’t it all a racket, Xima, dear? What if the War lasts forever? What if this is to be the world we’ll know for the rest of our lives? We must protect ourselves.’

I shared the general opinion that Germany and Austria-Hungary had bitten off far more than they could chew. The Hapsburg dynasty, for a start, was rotten through and through.

‘And you don’t think it’s true of the Romanoffs?’

I had heard more scandal about the Tsar and his family in Odessa than previously I had heard in the whole of my life. I had to agree that it looked bad. The Tsarina and most of her court, I had heard, were drug addicts. The Tsar’s ministers and military high command were all corrupt. It was easy to believe these things in the atmosphere of Odessa. I let the subject drop, however, in deference to my mother. I merely said: ‘Russia has the strength to beat anyone.’

A group of our friends entered and made towards our table. ‘Oh, we certainly have more cannon-fodder than anyone else.’ As the boys and the girl seated themselves around us Shura looked towards the bar. There a young woman was singing a frenetic song to an accordionist’s accompaniment. She was slim and neurasthenic while her musician-friend was burly and dirty, looking as if he had come straight out of one of the more miserable shtetls I had read about and, thank God, never had to experience. ‘But, as the Vikings used to say, free men fight better.’

I told him that there was no such thing as freedom, that in my view it was a revolutionary’s idea of heaven. He was amused. Nikita the Greek (who was only Greek in name) pushed his workman’s cap back on his head and leaned across the table, giving one of his strange, menacing grins. ‘Only a man without a soul is a free man,’ he said, ‘It’s possible to live a free life, but only if you renounce your immortality. That’s what I think.’ Nikita had been trained for the priesthood until he had run away from Kherson. He added: ‘One cannot have God and freedom.’

It was pretty much what I had said. I glanced triumphantly at Shura, but he had lost interest and had his shoulder up. He was insouciantly chewing sunflower seeds and staring at the emaciated singer. Behind Shura’s back, Nikita widened his big eyes and jerked a thumb at my cousin, as if to indicate that Shura was showing unusual interest in the girl. I grinned. I was to remember that grin with some bitterness, but at the time I said: ‘All the Turks have done is to wake us up to the real danger. Now we’ll fight properly. Nothing can destroy Russia.’

Lyova, the painter, came back with a handful of drinks and lowered them to the table. His dark hair fell over his eyes and he pushed it back. ‘That’s what they said about Carthage. They were probably going about saying “Carthage is indestructible. It’s one of the oldest civilisations in the world.” Then look what happened. The Romans destroyed the whole thing overnight. And why? Because of a failure of imagination. They simply couldn’t conceive of their fate. If they’d been able to do so, they’d have been here today.’

‘They are here,’ said Boris the Accountant, tapping his round spectacles. ‘Why do you think there are so many Semites in Odessa? The New Carthage.’

‘The New Gomorrha, more likely,’ said Shura, turning back and draining his tea-glass. ‘Let’s have some vodka.’ He seemed gloomy. He wouldn’t look at me. I thought he must be upset at the prospect of our parting.

‘Nonsense,’ said Nikita. He sneered. ‘Russians and Jews are all too innocent. They are still serfs at base. We behave like kids, we’re cruel to one another, because we are kids. We treat our own children badly ...’

Grania, the curly-haired dancer with the heart-shaped face, would not have this. She made a disapproving sound. ‘Nobody loves children more than Russians!’

Boris said feelingly, ‘Cossacks aren’t too finickety about Jewish children...’

‘Careful what you say, Benya,’ Lyova warned him with a smile. ‘We have a Cossack hetman in our company.’ We all enjoyed this.

‘We are children,’ insisted Nikita. ‘We love our “Little Fathers”, our “Batkos”. And it’s why we’re such materialists. Because we are poor, most of us, as children are poor. We have no power, no wealth, no justice save the justice of the autocrat. We are always quarrelling about possessions. We must be the only race in the whole world to equate sentimental lyricism with emotional maturity. Our literature’s full of trees and naive protagonists. There are more trees in Russian novels than it took to make the paper they’re printed on.’

I do not think any of us followed Nikita’s wild arguments too clearly. It was the first time he had expressed them. He was to become a journalist on a Bolshevik newspaper and disappear in the mid-30s (I met his sister briefly in Berlin). Boris the Accountant seemed to agree with Nikita, however. ‘We are in the power of mad children,’ he said. ‘Russians will do anything to resist growing up. Thus they are easily ruled.’

‘And that’s why we could lose the war,’ said Shura, giving Boris his talented attention and evidently making the Accountant feel as if he had something profound to say. Boris merely developed the same theme:

‘It’s a vast, infantile nation. Its notion of maturity is a romantic youth’s notion that he’s mature when he becomes sentimental about general ideas like Love, Death and Nature.’

We laughed as only sentimental youths, who had not really lost such ideas, can laugh.

I report these conversations, as I remember them, not because I believe they had any special profundity, but to give a flavour of the ideas current in Odessa in those days.

‘It’s the reason Tolstoi is so popular with the young and passionate,’ said Boris. ‘Natasha is Russia. Even the oldest, noblest greybeard is a kid. How else could they embrace Marxism so easily?’

At this mention of politics I was automatically on my feet. Most Jews like Boris were radicals and had to be avoided. Marxists, Kropotkinists, Proudhonists, they were all the same to me. They displayed a disease of the brain which could be highly contagious, for it was transmitted, as I once said of hypochondria, by word of mouth. Also I was still afraid of ‘So-So’. Talk of that devil might cause him to reappear. I decided to see if Katya’s customer had left yet. As I got up, she came in. She dashed forward to throw her arms round me, kissing me in a way I found uncharacteristic. The bombardment had caused many of us to have second thoughts about our lives and, perhaps, put a slightly higher value on our relationships.

Shura remained in his strange mood. He was far from friendly to Katya and took a brooding interest in the singer, who had continued to pipe her peculiar Yiddish songs above the noise of our conversation. More vodka arrived. We all drank. We toasted the singer. Boris lost interest in politics when his fat girl-friend arrived to let him know their parents had met and decided they should marry. He became quite pale and began to make calculations in the margins of his anarchist newspaper.

That was the day the Cossacks rode through Moldovanka and every Jew in the city shook in his shoes. The girl singer had stopped her wailing and we had grown rather stupefied. Katya had gone home, to prepare for her evening’s business, but it was not yet dark. The sound of cavalry in a city is very peculiar to one who has not heard it before. At first we thought we were to be bombarded again, because the noise was unfamiliar, and that is why we fell silent.

When it is distant, the sound of cavalry in a city is like the wind which comes off the steppe, almost a hissing; slowly it grows louder and more irregular until it is a series of syncopated, broken beats, rising and falling, like water running at different speeds over rocks; at this stage it becomes suddenly much louder - the rushing noise of a clattering express train in a tunnel. And that is when it is galloping and you must get out of its way at any cost.

The Cossacks galloped past our alley and the bravest (or in my case the most curious) of us stuck our heads out of the doorway and watched the Cossacks charge through the streets of Moldovanka ghetto.

‘They’re frightening us because they failed to frighten the Turks,’ said Boris, it’s what they always do.’

Shura mocked him. ‘They’re just on their way to the garrison. It’s the shortest route from the Goods Station where they disembarked. Look at them. They’re not show-cavalry or militia, those boys. They’re a fighting unit.’

It was true that the Cossacks had well-worn kaftans and that there was dust on them. Their weapons looked as if they had been used in real action, rather than in the service of some pogrom.

‘Nonetheless,’ said Boris, ‘the City Council had a reason for making them get off at the Goods Station and for telling them to come through here. Why are they galloping in streets? On cobbles? It’s bad for horses.’

We all shut him up. The Cossacks had done no harm (unless you counted the odd heart-attack) and I for one had been inspired by them. With fighters like that we were assured of victory. And there were thousands - perhaps hundreds of thousands - of Cossack horsemen of half-a-dozen major hosts, not to mention all the minor ones - who would rally now that the Turk had dared attack us. I could imagine the joy in the Cossack villages when the news came that they would have another chance to kill Turks. I envied them. Only traitors and out-and-out Zionists could fail to be reassured by the sight of our wild cavalrymen of the steppe.

I had begun to develop one of the headaches which have since bothered me all my life, and so I made my excuses and returned home. The streets were unusually quiet, virtually deserted. I found the house absolutely silent. Nobody was in. I went to my room, thinking of having more cocaine, but I decided to lie in the darkness of the room, whose blinds had already been drawn, and try to sleep. There were disadvantages to taking stimulants. Sooner or later one’s resources cried out to be replenished. I spent that evening in bed and went down to dinner, where I found Uncle Semya, Aunt Genia and Wanda. My uncle lacked his usual detached benevolence and Aunt Genia spoke brightly, but with even less substance than was normal. At one point she suggested we should all think of going to Kiev. Uncle Semya said that property was expensive there and we could not afford to live as we did in Odessa. After dinner I asked Wanda what the matter was. She said that it was nothing specific. The war news was depressing. Uncle Semya had taken them out to Fountain to look at a datcha he was thinking of renting for the winter. I found this in itself bewildering, for one did not rent summer datchas for Odessa winters, which were apt to be quite severe. He had decided against the idea, Wanda told me. A touch of war-hysteria, I suggested. I had read about war-hysteria. We had been warned against it. She said that was probably the case. She seemed sad as she sat in my room, but was reluctant to leave. I felt an urge to comfort her, but thought that any move I made would be misinterpreted. I said that I was very tired and that I must sleep. There would be no need to bring me any breakfast in the morning. I would sleep at least until noon. Usually Wanda was sensitive to my needs, but she continued to pass the time for a few more moments until at length she left. I began to wonder if she had fallen in love with me and whether this accounted for her unusual behaviour. Everyone was a little strange since the bombardment. They had taken it far more to heart than I had. Perhaps they had intimations of miseries to come.

Now that I think back, the ‘peculiar behaviour’ of some of my relatives might be my own interpretation. I could be overly acute. Sometimes with prolonged use of cocaine one begins to analyse far too deeply, suspecting motives and attitudes in other people which are simply not there, at least in any exaggerated form. I had been using cocaine almost every day for more than a week and was probably not far short of experiencing that confusion and doubt which comes from over-indulgence (something I have been careful of since: Everything in moderation, as the Poles say). In those days, of course, I did not know how to measure my intake of any drug, whether it be narcotic, alcoholic, or, indeed, spiritual.

For the first time since I had arrived in Odessa, I felt depressed and homesick as I went to sleep. I thought of lilacs in the summer rain, of smoke hanging over the steep yellow streets, of my mother’s kindness and attentiveness, something which even my lovely Katya could not replace. This mood had left me when I awoke the next day, but it was to recur from time to time. However, I was determined to stay in Odessa as long as possible, even though winter was drawing on and the heavenly, unreal summer and autumn were giving way to a more prosaic, colder life.

I thought that Shura guessed my slight depression. He took to inviting me to parties (private houses tended to be the meeting places in winter) and to introducing me to different girls. It became harder to see Katya. At first I did not realise that I was seeing her only two or three times a week when before I had seen her every day. I became suspicious of her. I missed her comforting warmheartedness. I became increasingly homesick.

There was a little light snow in November. It seemed to me that the whole of Odessa had been covered with cocaine. By early December I was using about two grams a day, most of it supplied by Shura. My mother had written to me to say that she thought I should return. I had written to say that the news had been sensationalised and that I was safe. I would go home ‘at about Christmas-time’. She did not write to Uncle Semya and I was able to tell him my mother was reassured. Then, on the morning that the first real snow came I received a letter from Esmé telling me my mother had influenza and that Esmé had moved in with her, since her father’s pension had stopped with his death and she could not, anyway, afford the rent on his apartment. This seemed an ideal solution. I was glad that my mother had companionship and someone as competent to look after her as Esmé. I wrote back to say that I would visit Kiev ‘some time after Christmas’, that studies and so on were keeping me in Odessa and Uncle Semya was anxious that I should get the maximum benefit from my stay. None of this was a lie, but the prospect of poverty and simple food over the holiday was too much to contemplate. I could have done very little for my mother in Kiev. Indeed, with myself and my mother to look after, Esmé would have been hard-pressed. Of course, I did not know that the influenza was a very bad attack or I should have returned home at once.

A day or so later Shura asked me if I would like to go aboard an English steamer. I said that the idea was very attractive. Shura needed an interpreter in some business he was transacting with the mate of the ship. The captain was not aboard. He had gone sick and been put ashore in Yalta. I assumed that because of this the mate was interested in off-loading whatever his cargo was and taking on something else. There were fewer and fewer foreign merchant ships in Odessa, due to the winter and Turkish control of the Straits. I believe, too, they were taking different routes, to avoid German submarines. There were, from time to time, Australian warships in the harbour, but we rarely had any contact with their crews. I was glad of the rare chance to try out my English. That night we went down to Quarantine Harbour and showed passes Shura had obtained. Then we were met by two seamen with a ship’s boat and rowed to where the S.S. Kathleen Sisson was anchored, beyond the mole. She was not much of a ship; typical of the tramps trading along the coasts from the Aegean to the Sea of Azov. After Turkey entered the War, these began to disappear so rapidly that as a mercantile city Odessa went from riches to rags almost overnight. I think the Kathleen Sisson had been recalled to her home port of Piraeus and possibly her officers, who were the only Britons aboard, wanted to get out of the theatre of war. The rest of the crew consisted of Greeks and Armenians who would have made a company of laskars seem savoury.

We went below the bridge, to the captain’s quarters, and met Mr Finch, the mate. At the time I found him a pleasant, quietly spoken Irish gentleman, but I suspect I would see him differently now. He was tall and dressed in a grubby white uniform. He offered us a drink of what must have been arak, but which I foolishly thought would be Scotch whisky. It tightened the muscles of my throat, making it hard for me to speak properly for several days. We sat down around a chart table and Mr Finch began the conversation, asking Shura if he had brought the money. Shura told me to tell Mr Finch that the money was on deposit and would be paid over at a mutually-agreed time and place. Mr Finch seemed displeased by this but became reconciled, giving us some more ‘whisky’ (I have never drunk much real whisky since that day). Shura asked to see a sample and Mr Finch took him away while I waited, impressed by the cabin with its wealth of instruments, charts and general seafaring paraphernalia. It was my first experience aboard a ship and even a run-down tramp was absolutely enchanting.

Shura and Mr Finch returned. Mr Finch told me that if Shura were satisfied we should agree a time and place to meet ‘on neutral ground’. Shura suggested a seamen’s club near the harbour. This was a favourite of English and American sailors. Mr Finch would feel at ease. The mate agreed and he and Shura shook hands. Mr Finch said to me that it had been ‘a long haul from Malacca’ and that he would be ‘glad to be back in Dublin’. I expressed surprise that he had sailed all that way and he laughed. ‘I joined this old kettle at Trebizond. I’ve been in damned native trains since Basrah, worrying myself sick every minute I was on land. I started the whole deal before the war, see. Now I wish I never had.’

It was not clear what the deal had involved. I began to suspect it must be illegal. Shura was inclined to sail a little close to the wind, but this was something which could land us in trouble with the police. We got back to the harbour and I said goodbye to my cousin. I was glad the venture was over for me. Shura came to the house two days later and gave me ‘enough cocaine to last you through the season’. He seemed even better disposed towards me than usual. I guessed he must be feeling guilty for involving me in something dangerous. The cocaine was of prime quality. This was probably what Mr Finch had been carrying all the way from Malacca.