Byzantium Endures

TWO

THE NEWS OF MY FLIGHT had appeared in all the Kiev papers. I had soared over the city for several minutes. This flight was witnessed by many people on their way to Church that Sunday morning. Until the Bolsheviks conquered Ukraine my achievement was a matter of record: I had dived and pirouetted in the clear sky; I had been seen over St Andrew’s, St Sophia’s and St Michael’s. I remember a drawing of me in one of the papers, in which I was shown as perching on the green central dome of the Church of the Three Saints. These records were destroyed by the Cheka’s mad desire to simplify the past in the hope that this would, accordingly, simplify the present which so bewildered them and was so much at odds with their over-rationalised creed. If I had been a Communist or a member of their revolutionary youth or some such thing, the story would be quite different. As it was there was more than one worm in my apple. I was pulled out of the river by some soldiers who had seen me fall. I awoke briefly (the propellor had dropped forward and stunned me as I landed in the water) to hear one of them laugh and say: ‘The little Jew was trying to fly!’

My last words before returning to oblivion were: ‘I am not a Jew. And I did fly.’ Of course it was a strange coincidence, I suppose, that so many Jewish souls were to fly to Heaven from this very gorge where the Germans set up their notorious death-camp during the Second World War. It is worth noting here that it was by no means only Jews who died in Babi Jar: Slav soldiers and civilians were killed in their thousands, as well. As usual, of course, the Jews receive the full credit for martyrdom while the others are forgotten. They are masters at publicising their miseries.

Esmé, sliding down the gorge and tearing her dress in an effort to save me, found the soldiers lifting me from the water. It was she who told them where I lived and they carried me back to my mother who immediately fainted and had to be revived by an already somewhat intoxicated Captain Brown, who, a few moments before, had been enlisted to search for me.

One piece of good luck was that the motor was undamaged and was recovered an hour or two later by Sarkis Mihailovitch. I had sustained a broken head, a broken arm and a broken ankle. But I was elated. I had flown! I had proven myself. I would try the experiment again as soon as possible, though next time I decided to employ a smaller child - who would be lighter than myself - and train him to attempt the flight. In that way I could observe what happened if anything went wrong.

During the first days of my confinement to hospital I was visited by Esmé and, anxious to be reassured, asked her to confirm that I had indeed flown. I was delirious and could not trust my own memory. Esmé passionately affirmed the fact that I had achieved the first powered flight without use of an airframe. I stand by her word and the news in the papers which appeared again many years later in a British magazine, Reveille, and an American newspaper called The National Enquirer. I wish I had the original Russian reports, but they were lost with so much else. Not everyone had faith in me, even then. I was to learn only after some weeks that Sarkis Mihailovitch, alarmed by my borrowing the motor, had decided to dispense with me, partly, I gather, to placate the bakery. My mother said nothing during my period of recuperation. Herr Lustgarten was called in on occasions to keep me in touch with my studies and my mother spent most of her ‘leisure’ time writing long letters to relatives, no matter how distant, concerning my further education. She was selfless beyond common-sense where her own good was concerned and, when it came to my well-being, there was nothing she would not try.

Esmé was allowed to visit me and it was to her that I described my plans for a modified ‘bird-man’ machine. Speaking to her of those who remained sceptical of my achievement, I mentioned the soldiers’ claim that I had merely tumbled down the gorge. She was indignant. ‘Of course you flew. Of course you did. You flew for miles and miles. All over Kiev!’ This was an exaggeration, naturally, from loyalty, but Esmé was well known for speaking the truth and was called ‘the little saint’ in our neighbourhood, for the way she looked after her father.

When Esmé was not there (as all too often she could not be) I contented myself with reading in various languages and drawing up improved plans for my ‘flying infantry’. I wrote letters to our War Office, describing my success, but received no reply. It is quite possible that some jealous bureaucrat, perhaps Sikorski himself, made sure they never reached the proper hands. I also designed a wrist-teleprinter and worked out a means of bridging the Sea of Azov between Berdiansk and Yenikale, using semi-buoyant pontoons. These were just two of many designs which I was to lose during the Civil War, but they were far ahead of their time. I deeply regret not patenting any of my inventions. I was too trusting. The ‘word of mouth’ and ‘shake of hands’ which was good enough for honest people in my boyhood was merely, by the time I reached maturity, the mark of a thorough scoundrel. Had I been less gullible, I would be a millionaire by now. I would have been a millionaire, in fact, many times over, if only on the strength of my Ultra-Violet Light Projector.

Also while in hospital I evolved my lifeplan, after the German fashion. I drew up a chart of the next few years, with all my various goals carefully listed. There was my education, my government work, my employment of agents to seek out Zoyea for me, the house I intended to buy for my mother where she could be looked after by Esmé and Captain Brown, whom I would employ at good wages. There was no reason to consider this plan unrealistic at the time.

Revolutionists and fanatics again conspired to thwart my destiny, however, when, in August 1914, I was healed enough to consider taking the entrance exams at the Technical School. This time an assassination at Sarajevo - ‘the shot which rang round the world’ - led to monstrous Armageddon, the First Great War, and my mother told me the disappointing news that Herr and Frau Lustgarten, those gentle scholars, had fled the country, apparently for Bohemia, fearing an expression of the anti-German feeling already experienced by a number of people with German-sounding names with shops in Kiev’s suburbs. So, between the Armenians and the Germans, I was suddenly without tutor or employer!

It was left to my relatives to rescue me. Some of those to whom my mother had written had, by autumn, responded, including my paternal grandparents, whom I never knew, and Uncle Semya. Certainly there was now talk of my going to be educated in St Petersburg (this delighted me, for the best technical schools were there), but first Uncle Semya wanted me to go on holiday, to visit him in Odessa, all expenses paid. He never really explained why he wished to see me. I assumed he wanted to look over his ‘investment’. My mother found Uncle Semya’s interest in me rather suspicious. She did not care for him much. It seems to me now that he had come to pin most of his hopes on me, having failed to have sons who cared a jot for education. None of my cousins was particularly literate. I think this was a disappointment to him. He need not have worried. They were prepared for Russia’s future. Two of them at least became powerful Commissars during the terrible famines of the twenties and thirties. The Bolsheviks considered brute strength, cunning and blind obedience far more valuable than learning. It did not greatly matter to me why Uncle Semya agreed with my mother, as he agreed on no other subject, in the matter of my improvement. That he was prepared to give me both an education and a holiday was enough. The next few months looked exciting indeed. If I had already astounded Kiev, how might I astound the lazy natives of our Southern and most cosmopolitan metropolis, or the world-weary citizens of the capital itself?

During the three weeks before I left, my mother was in tears. She packed and re-packed my few clothes. She made me swear not to fall in with radicals. Not to imitate flashy Odessa ways or speech. She made me promise to have nothing to do with ‘those crooks of Moldovanka’ (readers of the commissar-journalist Babel will know what I mean). She wept as she reminded me of her husband’s guessed-at fate. She wept as she reminded me to change my underwear. She was the most wonderful, caring mother a boy could wish for. I regret, now, that I did not humour her as much as I should have done. My patched-up skull was full of dreams about my future exploits. The night before I was to leave Kiev, Esmé came to our door with a St Christopher medal which her father had brought back from some foreign land. This she hung, with all proper gravity, around my neck. Then she hugged me. She kissed my cheeks. And she wept. When she had gone, my mother inspected the medal, suspicious that it might be associated in some way with sedition. It was only with reluctance, and some weeping, that she returned it to my neck. I found the medal extremely reassuring and wore it for a long time afterwards, to remind me that I had at least one loyal friend in Esmé.

Soon after Esmé had gone, my cousin Alexander arrived. He was called by himself and everyone else ‘Shura’. He was a weasel-faced and cocky youth with the cropped hair and red-and-white chequered neck-scarf fashionable amongst his kind at the time. He left his small bag with us, refused my mother’s offer of food, condescendingly took half-a-glass of tea from our old samovar, and went into the city to accomplish some piece of slouching business. He returned with a tin of chocolate and something in a sack which he put immediately into his luggage, to my mother’s great anxiety. He had had more than a little vodka (few paid attention to our prohibition laws) and stood at the stove rubbing his hands together and winking at me.

My poor mother came close to fainting and hurried him into our other room where he was to sleep. He did not go to sleep at once. In the darkness, where I lay on my shelf for the last time, I heard him singing some mysteriously lewd song in his soft, trilling Odessa accent, while my mother sniffled complicated counterpoint on her couch. I have every sympathy with her: Shura was not the most reassuring of escorts for a son who was to leave the city for the first time alone.

She accompanied us to the station. Even by September 1914 the train-services had begun to be disrupted (though there were extra trains to important places like Odessa) and tickets were becoming hard to acquire. Nonetheless Shura spirited us through all the formalities, through all the early-morning crowds of uniformed police and soldiers and sailors - a sea of multi-coloured cloth and gold braid - through the sweetmeat sellers, the drinks-vendors, the sellers of charts and lurid magazines or newspapers. How Russia was full of men, women and children with trays around their necks in those days. In his knowledge of the station, its peculiar customs and denizens, Shura was at least able to comfort my mother. ‘I suppose if you must go into the world, it is better to go with a worldly guide,’ she said, when he had vanished for a moment to engage some pinch-faced maiden in furious conversation before returning with a swagger and a handful of long-stemmed cigarettes, one of which he offered to me. I refused, of course. My mother told Shura of the dangers of smoking and warned him how upset his Uncle Semya would be if he learned that the ‘little scholar’ had been corrupted. Shura took all this with a kind of pitying tolerance for both of us and then announced that the train was in and that we should board it.

My mother came with us. She followed us along the gangway of our coach, distracting me from my admiration of its wonders: its galley, its stove. This was one of the finest expresses of the South Western Railway. She was a real beauty of a locomotive (probably a 4-6-4, though I cannot now recall the exact type) whose livery of dark green, gold and cream was matched in all the coaches. It was a very long train, comprised entirely of first- and second-class carriages. There was no third-class accommodation on this Kiev-Odessa Express, which could normally do the journey in under fourteen hours. Even the steam from the loco seemed whiter and cleaner and more impressive than the steam from other trains. In some of the further platforms I saw troop-transports with heavy artillery on flat-cars and these, together with the large number of armed servicemen in the station itself, were a clear reminder that we were a nation at war. Once again I felt the old urge to don a uniform. I remarked to Shura that he must be looking forward to the moment when he was called to the service of his country. His only response was to puff on his papyrussa cigarette and offer me another of his winks. My mother burst into tears at the thought of my joining the army and she was comforted by the easy-going Shura in that same spirit of tolerant contempt. Through some trick he found us both places in a compartment and let me bid farewell to my mother while he kept the seats for us.

The collar of my new coat was damp with her tears before the guard told her kindly that she must leave. Shura shouted that she should fear nothing, that if the driver lost his way Shura would be able to put him on the right track. This raised a laugh from the other occupants of the carriage and drew a last snuffle or two from my mother, who kissed me and went to stand on the platform, dabbing at her eyes and producing, every so often, a kind of agitated grin. I took my seat. Shura and I stood out from most of the other passengers in that we were younger and did not wear uniform. Most of the people in our carriage were soldiers, sailors and nurses, all of whom were smiling at us with that peculiar complacency those who wear uniform often reserve for those who do not.

This was to be the first long train journey I recall with proper clarity (there are hazy impressions of our journey from Tsaritsyn to Kiev). It was to span the whole day, from eight-thirty in the morning until late into the night, but I should have been glad if it had gone on forever. The train was taking me to a new world of romance comprised partly of Hope’s Ruritania, partly of Pushkin’s poetry, and of Green’s book The Cap of Invisibility, with its tales of exotic ports and flawless sapphire seas. I was prepared to sit in my place the whole way, but Shura had me up almost as soon as the train left the station, and my mother’s limp and glistening handkerchief, behind. He wanted to show me the first-class carriages. So we made a tour of the train, playing the innocent whenever an official asked us what we were about, telling him that we had lost our carriage.

I was astonished at the luxury of the first-class, at the deep-green plush, the polished brass and oak. Shura told me that he had travelled first-class more than once, but I did not believe him. He knew, he said, how to act like a gentleman: ‘It will be my job some day.’

I could not imagine what business he planned for himself. What could elevate him permanently to this world of plush and glitter? I did not, however, disapprove of his ambition. Those wonderful carriages looked like the abode of angels and smelled like a well-groomed beast. And the people who inhabited them were demigods. I loved them. I longed to share their life, to be accepted by them.

I was to retain my enjoyment of luxurious travel no matter how frequently I came to experience it. It raised me from the deepest gloom to the highest imaginable sense of well-being. Some years would pass before I was to familiarise myself thoroughly with that most delicious form of transport. It has now all but disappeared from the world. Today it is replaced by the utilitarianism of plastic and nylon; the bleak, characterless, ‘efficient’ State-operated railways and airlines. And not only the trains have steamed their way into oblivion. The great ships, the monarchs of the Cunard and P&O Lines, have gone completely. What do we have instead? Car-ferries. No wonder all the transport-systems are losing money. What human being really wishes to travel in something resembling a less-than-clean hospital ward? As one who has used every form of modern transport, from the great pre-war liners to the sadly-missed and much-maligned Zeppelin passenger ships, I can honestly say that democratisation has worked entirely against everyone’s interest, including the public’s. Save for a few pathetic cruise-vessels, there is nothing left of the flying boats and luxury steamers which so frequently confirmed the maxim that to travel was better than to arrive.

When I speak nostalgically in the pub about the C-class Imperial Airways planes, I am laughed at openly. Those ignorant poly-hybrids occupying their featureless housing estates resent anyone who remembers days when ‘civilisation’ was something more than a word for labour-exchanges and municipal art galleries. Romance has vanished from their lives. They could not recognise it now if they were handed it on a plate (as they are handed everything else). They mock the past. They ape only its most tawdry and ‘glamorous’ aspects. For them Sensation has become everything. They cultivate cynicism as their mothers and fathers cultivated ‘sophistication’. They are quite as ludicrous as those shop-girls and sad clerks who filled the dance-halls of the twenties and thirties and were despised by genuine high society. They share another thing: they have no respect for their elders. They have no imagination. Yet they flock to see films like Murder on the Orient Express. Do they believe that the likes of them would have been allowed to set even a grubby boot on the footplate of such trains? In my day ‘skinheads’ and ‘teddy boys’ knew their place. In the gutter! They have the transport they deserve: hidden in the lower depths, noisy and dirty and claustrophobic, fit only for H. G. Wells’s bestial Morlocks.

If I did not exactly feel like an Eloi by the time we returned to our seats I certainly felt like a prince. The sense of comfort and security was everywhere in the train. And it was obvious that many of our fellow-passengers shared this mood. Every place in the compartment was, of course, taken. There were uniformed people filling the corridors. It was almost impossible to see past them to the mellow wheatlands of the Ukrainian steppe, now churned with chaff and scattered with sheaves and haystacks, for the harvest had been gathered. The sky had that wonderful pale-gold and silver-blue quality which comes at about nine o’clock in the morning, promising a warm autumn day. The two Catholic nursing nuns, one in her twenties and the other apparently not yet reached maturity, asked if the window could be opened and we all agreed that it would be good to have some fresh air. I offered to open it for them, but failed to understand the sash-cord method. To my great embarrassment Shura had to help me. The wind blew the smell of the countryside, sweet and rich, into my face, and my spirits rose again. As well as the nuns, who had the window seats, we shared space with two youngish naval lieutenants; a Cossack captain in grey shapka and kaftan, with bullet pouches and a wide belt, into which was stuck a dagger and from which hung a typical Cossack sword; a gentleman in a dark homburg hat and coat, with an astrakhan collar; and a Greek priest who spoke little Russian but who smiled at us a great deal, as if in blessing. The Cossack captain sat next to Shura and more or less opposite me. He had a clean-shaven jaw but a huge, curling grey moustache with waxed ends. He sat with his sabre between his knees, his back stiff and unsupported by the seat behind him, as if he rode an invisible horse. He had that manner Cossacks often have, of his horse never being very far away, and I imagined (though in all likelihood I was wrong) that a box at the end of the train bore a chestnut stallion.

Having asked for the window to be opened, the nuns faced one another apparently in telepathic communication. They spoke not a word for the whole journey, making it embarrassing when we needed to approach the window to buy something from a platform vendor if the train stopped at a station. These vendors lacked the smoothness of the Kiev hawkers, but they were just as noisy. Bare-footed peasant women offered us cakes or fresh milk, and their grandfathers brought up samovars on trolleys and described in husky bellows the refreshing properties of their tea. Children were there in plenty, rarely selling anything, merely begging us for a few kopeks. The nuns would sit with their feet just above the floor of the train, their skirts arranged to cover their toes, while we did everything in our power to avoid contact with them (all, that is, save Shura). It was Shura, half in the carriage after some panting expedition along the platform, who found his hand placed firmly in one’s lap and apologised. Later, in the corridor, he murmured some crude speculation when they did not appear to be listening, wondering at their ‘impossible capacity’. I scarcely understood him, but the naval officers, who had overheard, enjoyed the joke. I blushed. The Greek priest laughed uncomprehendingly along with the sailors, while the man in the astrakhan collar grumbled into his copy of Neeva - The Cornfield - magazine.

Shura got into conversation with the Cossack, who seemed to like him. The captain said he was a supply-officer going to Odessa to arrange for certain provisions and equipment for his unit. He could not, of course, tell us anything more. He was amused when I mentioned that my father had also been a Cossack. Shura laughed, too, telling me to be quiet. Claims of that sort, he said with a look at the captain, could get me into trouble. The navy men were all the way from Moscow, where they had been on leave, and were full of tales about the delights of Russia’s second great city. These delights were hinted at with looks and whispers to Shura. He was only a little older than me but seemed far more worldly, understanding the full meaning of the innuendoes, made obscure so as not to shock the nuns who, Shura swore, were nonetheless listening avidly.

The good-natured Cossack was soon offering vodka which was accepted by the priest, refused by the gentleman in the hat, ignored by the nuns. He pushed his woolly shapka on the back of his grey head and unbuttoned his kaftan to reveal a shirt embroidered in black and red. He had blue breeches and soft leather boots and seemed at once more free and more of a soldier than any others on the train. At our request he showed us his long sabre, his shorter dagger and his pistol, but allowed us to handle none of them. Of the sabre he said ‘it must never be drawn, save to be blooded’, though he displayed an inch or two so that we could see the engraving (in Georgian by the look of it) on the hilt. ‘These blades,’ he said, ‘are so sharp that a moth settling on them would find itself cut in half before it realised anything had happened. It would only find out when it tried to fly away again!’

I was considerably impressed. I said that my father must have had a similar sword. He asked me jovially to which sech my father had belonged. I said the Zaporizhskaya. He asked me how old my father was. I said I did not know. He asked me if I was sure Father had not been an inogorodi. I did not understand him. This was a Cossack word, he explained, for Great Russians living amongst them. The word meant, more or less, outsider. I assured him that my father had never been an outsider. He had served with a Cossack regiment in St Petersburg. He asked which one. I told him that I did not know. Again he laughed, evidently pleased that anyone should claim Cossack blood, even if they did not, as he believed, possess it.

I became agitated and insisted that I told the truth. I recall Shura saying flatly: ‘His dad’s dead, see.’ At which the Cossack softened and patted me on the knee, holding his scabbarded sabre out towards me and smiling. ‘Don’t worry, little one. I believe you. We’ll soon be riding side by side, you and me. Killing Jews and Germans willy-nilly, eh?’ The naval officers (and the echoing priest) joined in his laughter, as did my cousin, and I felt a happy warmth. The train journey remains in my mind as one of the most comradely times of my life. The Cossack’s name was Captain Bikadorov.

Shura asked the naval officers how they thought the War was going. What was the atmosphere in Moscow? They said everyone was confident, from the Tsar downwards. Our allies were predicting that ‘the Russian steamroller will crush the Germans in weeks.’ Tannenberg had been an untypical set back due to our over-confidence. We had learned our lesson over Japan and were now the strongest we had ever been. We would play the game of war more cautiously but more effectually. ‘Particularly,’ one of them pointed out, ‘now that Japan is our ally!’ This created further trumpetings from the gentleman in the homburg.

‘And the Turks?’ I said. ‘When shall they be beaten and the Tsar attend mass in the Hagia Sophia in Constantinople?’

‘Just let them start something now and they’re as good as finished,’ said Captain Bikadorov. ‘Though there isn’t a better enemy than your Turk.’ It would be good to free ‘Tsargrad’ (Constantinople) but it was the French he was unsure about. They had gone soft, since Napoleon. They had already been beaten over and over again by the Germans. Moreover he was not sure that the English were reliable allies ‘since they’re almost Germans themselves.’ But the French were the real weak link. The naval officers agreed that in their experience of the French they had met in Odessa ‘the frog-eater is as effete as he is grandiose.’ It was impossible, the older one added, for a Frenchman to think of himself as mortal. The moment the conception impinged (usually when the real fighting started) he became outraged. ‘They are not cowards. They are merely possessed of a divine pomposity!’

The gentleman behind Neeva rose, bowed to the naval officer, and said that he was a native of Odessa and that he had the honour of bearing a French name. His grandfather had been French. He sat down again, raised his Neeva, then, as if upon reflection, lowered it to add: ‘Napoleon was defeated not by our soldiers, my friends, but by our snow. And for our snow we have only God to thank.’

‘And I say thank God for our soldiers as well,’ said Shura.

At this second mention of the divinity the Greek priest clapped his hands together while the nuns turned their heads with one accord towards the windows.

Asking the nuns to speak up if they objected to his smoking, Captain Bikadorov took out a large pipe and began to fill it, while Shura, encouraged by his example, offered some of his papyrussa round the carriage. The naval lieutenants accepted, the old gentleman of French origin refused with a snort (but drew out a cigar as soon as everyone else was smoking) and soon the carriage was full of tobacco fumes. Happily the window was open, which meant that neither the nuns nor myself were greatly inconvenienced. Now I associate the smell with the pleasantness of the occasion. So euphoric did I feel that, later, after we had enjoyed a shared picnic in which all but the nuns and the old gentleman joined, I took my first puff at Shura’s cigarette. I regretted the sausage, bread, pieces of crumbed veal and chicken and even the tea we had bought at the station. My discomfort was mingled with a rather pleasant, dizzy sensation. I disembarked at the next station. I think it was Kazatin, a very pleasant place with willow trees and carved gables and pillars. I took another cigarette at Shura’s insistence. Always get back on the horse as soon as you’ve fallen off, he said. Under his charming influence (and he had a very persuasive manner) I began to experience, for the first time in my life, a sense of the joys of sin. We rushed back, with everyone else, as the train began to move. We flung ourselves past the knees of the nuns. Reseated, Shura offered me a sip of Bikadorov’s vodka. I winked and accepted.

I think I was a little drunk by the evening. I watched the red and black clouds roll by on a wide horizon silhouetted with the occasional steeple or dome, the outline of an entire whitewashed village, by slender poplars and cypresses on the estates of kindly landowners who might have been those described by Tolstoy before he went mad. As the sun set, the Cossack captain began to sing a melancholy song about a girl, a horse, a river and a shroud. He tried to get us to join the chorus, but only Shura seemed able to learn it:

And so on. It is the other side of the Cossack temperament. If he is not riding his horse into battle and slicing off heads, he loves to sing about the sadness of death and the loss of loved ones. In his deep, almost superstitious, respect for religion and his relish for mournful songs, he has something in common with the American negro. I make this observation, one familiar to those who know me, to show I have no racial prejudice. Acceptance of a race’s characteristics leads to an understanding not a hatred of that race. I am the first to say how much I respect the Jew’s brain. Nobody can doubt his cleverness or his ability to tell a good joke on himself.

It seemed a little chilly to me when we eventually arrived at Glavnaya Station, the main terminal of Odessa situated in the heart of the city. Yellow gas- and oil-lamps, as well as the glare of electrical bulbs, illuminated the massive enclave. It might have been a Michelangelo cathedral, with such a wealth of sights and smells I immediately felt twice as drunk as I had been. Shura showed his usual alacrity in getting us off the train. He waved a friendly farewell to Bikadorov and the lieutenants, made a deep, grave bow to the nuns, a sardonic genuflection to the old gentleman, then ushered me with astonishing speed through the crowd, through officials, ticket-collectors, soldiers, sailors, hucksters, painted ladies, family groups, Greeks, Hasidim, stiff-backed khaki Englishmen, and out into a street full of gaslight and shadow.

‘Shouldn’t we get a cab here, Shura?’ I remembered my mother’s instructions.

‘If you want to pay fifty kopeks for nothing,’ he said. ‘Anyway, they’ll be gone. Come on.’

Behind all the other smells of spice and perfume I could detect another scent which seemed borne on a Southern wind. It was salt. It was sweet ozone. I realised with heady enthusiasm that it was the sea.

Out of the night, like a beast from the ocean depths, came a two-car Odessa tram: cream and brass, with lights blazing. And then we were aboard it, our fares paid by Shura, sitting on the big wooden seats and peering through the windows. ‘You’ll see little but shit tonight,’ said Shura. ‘I’ll take you to some real sights tomorrow.’ He had asked for ‘the Goods Station’. Were we going to catch another train? ‘Just to the corner of Sirotskaya and Khutorskaya,’ he said. These were obviously thoroughfares. I did not want him to explain any more. I was enjoying the magic of a strange city and would have resented any description of its limits. I have always hated to be given a map to a new city, unless it is absolutely necessary.

Disembarking from the tram, we carried our bags across a cobbled street and along beside a park full of big trees. We crossed another street and entered a well-lit square consisting of large residential houses, flats and shops. At the steps of one of the houses we stopped. Next to the house was a set of offices bearing the surname of my great-uncle. We had arrived.

Shura led the way up the steps and pulled the bell. We were admitted by a dumpy maid who showed a friendly disrespect for my cousin. We entered a well-furnished parlour. Almost immediately a large, dark-eyed woman in a green silk dress billowed in on us. ‘You were to telephone, Shura! We’d have sent a cab or the carriage. How did you get here?’

‘Tram,’ was Shura’s laconic answer.

She was distressed, but smiled at him. ‘You should have waited for your Uncle Semya to order ...’

‘We’d be waiting still in that mob,’ Shura told her. ‘Have you seen it recently? It’s madness with the War on. Cabs? You’d be lucky.’

She patted his crew-cut. ‘Semya still has some business. He would have liked ... Ah, well...’

I lowered my bags to the carpet. She spread her arms. ‘Maxim!’ A sigh. ‘I am your Aunt Genia.’

We embraced.

‘We are so pleased, you know. And how is your dear mother?’

‘She is well, thank you, Aunt Genia.’

‘Such a burden. And such a brave woman. But so proud. Well, there is pride and pride.’

I accepted the praise, detecting no criticism of my mother. I was to guess, when I reviewed the past, that there had been rivalry between the women. Perhaps my Aunt Evgenia, my mother’s sister-in-law, had offered charity which had been refused. Perhaps they had even loved the same man, my father. Families are full of such ordinary jealousies. They are not even worth puzzling over. How some people will alter the past. I have seen mature men and women become utter fools in their attempts to pretend things happened in ways other than they actually did. We all like to see ourselves in a good light, of course, but the lengths to which some go are quite astonishing.

We sat for about twenty minutes in the parlour while Aunt Genia warbled on like a restful canary. I realised that my eyelids were beginning to droop just as she became a macaw:

‘Food!’

I grew alert. We entered another room. The place was a castle. Here were red and white German soup plates and a tureen of bortsch decorated with scenes of Danzig or Munich. There were two different kinds of bread, already sliced, and butter. I sat down at once, but Shura shook his head and said he had to leave.

I had learned never to refuse food. Also I was becoming so unable to distinguish reality from imagination by that time that I thought a meal would help bring me down to earth. It was wonderful bortsch. It was an Odessa bortsch, like drinking rubies. It was spicy and filling. While Aunt Genia continued to talk, I ate steadily. I was swollen by the time the macaw squawked again:

‘Bed!’

The dumpy girl with ginger hair and a good-humoured face reappeared. She was some sort of poor relation working as a servant. ‘Wanda. Take Maxim Arturovitch to his room.’

My case was picked up in one wet, red hand, while the other gestured to the door. I followed. Aunt Genia chirruped a goodnight and kissed me. I should ask Wanda for anything I required. Off we went, up flights of dark, heavily-carpeted stairs, with each landing smelling a little differently, until we were at the top of the house and Wanda opened a door. ‘I’m next to you,’ she said. She entered ahead of me into bronze half-light and reached to turn a tap to make the gas glow a little brighter. ‘Here we are.’

I had not realised I was to have an entire room to myself. A real bed, dressing-table, chest of drawers, blinds I could open or shut at will, a window: I went to my window. It looked out onto the square - a haze of yellow lamps and dark shadows. From one of the distant, mysterious houses came a high-pitched laugh, something of a wail, which echoed in the square, for it was late and even Odessa was half-asleep. Wanda’s warm, smelly body came up behind me. She showed me how to work the blinds. ‘Best keep ‘em shut if you’ve got the gas going,’ she said. ‘Moths.’ Her voice was lazy, soft and friendly. I was to discover later that this was a typical Southern voice, but I thought then that she was being especially pleasant. Even this heavy-featured creature rolled her ‘r’s with an emphasis which must surely be sexual. I had not heard her properly. ‘What?’

‘Moths.’

‘Aha.’ I was reminded of the moth on the Cossack sabre. I recalled the wonder of my trip, the swooning pleasure of my first impressions. I almost wept as I thanked Wanda and watched her leave. I had a bolt on my door. I had water in a jug on a washstand. I had a chamber-pot and a rug, and clean, white sheets and a patchwork quilt and two pillows in embroidered cases. What generous relatives. And how rich. I had had no conception of their wealth. Mother had told me they were well-off but she had never mentioned that they owned an entire building, possibly two (for there were the offices next door). Again I went to the window. The heavy scent of stocks and dying lilac ascended from the square. I felt a breath or two of the southern wind, of the warm, night sea. Then I went to bed. Determined to enjoy my freedom to the full, I masturbated for a short while, thinking of Wanda and her large, passive body, then of Zoyea and finally, when it was over, of ‘the little angel’, Esmé. How she would be impressed by my stories of Odessa. I lay on my back in the darkness looking out at the open window, enjoying the disquieting thrill of being in a room alone at night for the first time. I put my hands behind my head. I smiled with delight at the luxury. I addressed imaginary friends and told them of my luck. I realised as I went to sleep that in my half-dream I had been copying Shura’s confident gestures. I was already half in his power. And I was glad of it.