Brimstone Blues

Chapter Eight

The next morning, Taz awoke before Matthias. The nasty taste in her mouth brought back everything that happened, including the karaoke. Why did she do that?

It was like someone took over her body, and she sat back and watched from the bleachers. She hadn’t even minded. It was…

Weird.

Crazy?

Scary.

This was way more than hot, sexy dreams and a phantom voice.

She watched Matthias and suddenly knew what she had to do. She was out of control again, or rapidly heading in that direction, and she needed to decompress before she lost it like she did in Yellowstone. She’d spent her entire life in complete control and refused to let it slip through her fingers again. It didn’t matter what the guys told her or how they blamed her loss of control on the sudden awakening of her powers. The Ice Queen would not melt down again.

Never again.

She needed to be alone. Her fugue, if you could call it that, was more proof she needed to get whatever this was out of her system. This was too much, too soon. She was used to being by herself, not as half a couple. She loved Matthias, but this was something he’d have to give her.

Space.

She risked touching Matthias’ mind and saw he was still deeply asleep. She showered, dressed, and packed her things. Then she wrote him a note and sat in front of the TV.

When he awoke he smiled. “Ready to go?” he asked.

She nodded. “I didn’t want to keep you waiting.” She felt guilty about withholding her thoughts from him but knew this is what she had to do.

He got up and kissed her, frowning slightly but not pushing. She knew he sensed her mental barrier.

“Are you all right, Taz?”

She forced a smile. “I’m okay.”

“Let me get a shower and we’ll go eat.”

She waited until the water was running and she knew he was under the spray. She left the note on the dresser, under his keys where he’d find it. Then she grabbed her bag, purse, and Rafael’s laptop case and quietly let herself out.

Stopping at a bank on the other side of the interstate, Taz made the maximum withdrawal from her checking account at an ATM, then took a cash advance from one of her personal credit cards. She needed to get away, untraceable for now. They would track her credit cards.

Before she headed north on I-75, Taz switched off her BlackBerry. She needed to disable the GPS tracking feature. She also had to put some immediate distance between her and Matthias so he couldn’t sense the direction she was heading, and she didn’t have time to figure out the phone settings.

She knew where she wanted to go. Once there, she’d tell him.

At first, Matthias thought Taz went to load her luggage in the car or get them a table at breakfast.

Then he spotted her note.

Matthias, I love you. With all my heart. But I need a few days alone. I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin. Last night scared me, proved I need time so I don’t explode like I did in Yellowstone. Please don’t worry—I will be careful. And please don’t try to find me. I’ll stay safe, and I’ll let you know where I am when I’m ready to come home in a few days, I promise.

Love, Taz.

His knees weakened as he sat heavily on the bed. No wonder she’d blocked him.

Even though he knew she wouldn’t answer, he tried to call. Straight to voice mail. He hung up without leaving a message, knowing she’d turned her phone off so it couldn’t be tracked.

He dressed, got in the Hummer, and circled the area trying to locate her, trying to sense her.

Nothing.

He finally called Tim and told him. Tim met him with stony silence on the other end.

“She took off?” Tim finally asked. “How could you let her do that, Matthias? I trusted you to take care of her!”

“She’s not a prisoner. I didn’t know she would run. Apparently she was very determined.”

“What happened?”

Matthias explained the evening’s events. Tim sighed. “Stress. It must be. She’s trying to deal with what happened.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Come home, Matthias. We’ll track her credit cards, find out where she’s going.”

“She’ll be too smart for that.”

“Probably, but we’ll still try.”

Matthias didn’t want to make this call, but knew Bartholomew would be calling him if he didn’t check in.

“How is she, Matthias?”

“She’s fine.”

Bartholomew hesitated. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.” Matthias tried to keep the stress out of his voice and knew he failed miserably.

“Is she with you? I’d like to talk to her, introduce myself.”

“No, she’s not.”

“Well, where is she? Let me have her number.”

“I don’t know where she is right now.”

He could practically hear Bartholomew’s haughty smirk. “Why don’t you know?”

“She’s very upset right now. She’s still dealing with everything that happened. Rafael just died, if you don’t remember.”

“You must control her, Matthias. People’s lives may be at stake. Perhaps you can embrace a romantic vision of her, but if she harms anyone—”

Matthias hung up on him. The last thing he needed was to get into a screaming match with the head of the Tribunal and call him an asshole.

Taz wore Rafael’s sunglasses and didn’t stop driving until she needed gas. She filled, paying cash, and got back on the road.

The sign for the exit to Rafe’s condo appeared, and she instinctively took it. She had a moment of hesitation at the entry gate, not sure of the code. After a whispered inspiration she punched in a four digit number.

The gate opened.

His garage door opener was clipped to the passenger visor. Taz pulled into the garage and shut the door behind her. She didn’t plan on being here too long, but she wanted a little more time in his home. Reaching out, carefully, she didn’t sense Matthias anywhere. She would have a little warning if he tried to double back.

She walked into Rafe’s bedroom and sat on the bed, looking around. The place wasn’t sparse, but he obviously wasn’t one to collect things. She walked to the closet, turned on the light, and sorted through his clothes. Good quality, nice taste, but nothing fancy or terribly expensive. A plastic dry-cleaning bag hanging in one corner held a tux.

That made her smile. She bet he looked good in it the few times he wore it.

Hung in neat order were several shirts similar to the one he wore in Yellowstone, long-sleeved, button-up cotton chambrays in different colors. Several traditional light blue, others in conservative colors.

She picked one like the one he’d worn that day and slipped it off the hanger. Closing her eyes, she brought it to her face. It smelled like laundry detergent, not him.

Then again, it was one of the trace scents comprising her memories of who he was.

A calm peace settled over her. Now she knew what to do. She laid the shirt on his bed and undressed, going into the bathroom and running the shower. Stepping in, Taz wet her hair, washed with Rafael’s shampoo, used his soap, dried with the towel she knew had to be his hanging on the bar along the wall, and used his deodorant. Naked, except for the towel around her wet hair, she walked into the bedroom and slipped on his shirt, not buttoning it, pulled down the covers—

Right side.

The voice. But that was correct, wasn’t it? He slept on the right side of the bed.

She grabbed his pillow and pressed it to her face. There he was in her mind, in full color. She sobbed, lying on her side with his scent bringing him into clear focus. She didn’t want to cry anymore, but it was like he was right there with her.

“It’s okay.”

And his voice. Taz instinctively knew it had to be stress, or guilt, or a hyperactive imagination, but he was there. She pictured his blue eyes, and they looked just like Matthias’, his laugh, his smile…

She closed her eyes and trembled, wanting him there. She wore her guilt like a lead cloak, no escaping it. She would give up anything, even her own life, to have him back.

“No, Taz.”

She shuddered. She loved Matthias, but it was like she lost a soul mate when Rafe died.

“Sleep, Taz. Please.”

She hadn’t revisited Rafe’s room in her mind, the one she created for him during the training exercises. She feared the sight of the emptiness would overwhelm her. In this dream, she was still curled up on his bed at the condo.

Rafe walked through the bedroom door. He lay down next to her, comforting, wrapping his body and arms around her.

“I love you, Taz baby.”

It felt so real. He felt real.

He held her, curled protectively around her. She felt his love and warmth and again, that connection to him she couldn’t comprehend. Why did she feel tied to Rafe in a way she didn’t with Matthias? It would have been sweet agony with him alive, but she would take that over this pain any day.

She rolled over to face him and kissed him, feeling him stiffen against her bare leg. His blue eyes bored into hers, and Taz knew if she could spend her life asleep and dreaming of him, she would.

He smiled, shaking his head. “No, sweetie. You have a life to live.”

“Love me, Rafe.” She kissed him, letting herself go, enjoying the feel of his arms and lips and hands. In this dream, he was suddenly naked, and without bothering to remove her shirt he slipped his cock inside her and made slow, sweet love to her.

It felt so real. Her fingers tangled in his hair, pulling his lips against her throat and wishing he could bite her. She knew that couldn’t happen, not really. His hand slipped between their bodies to find her clit. As they kissed, his skilled fingers slowly stroked her, playing with her clit even as he continued to fuck her. When he brought her over she wrapped her legs tightly around him as he thrust, his own orgasm not far behind.

Spent, she snuggled in his dream arms.

His voice sounded so clear. “Taz sweetie, you need to rest. Go to sleep, baby girl. Let me take care of things.”

Eventually she drifted to a deeper slumber. When she awoke, she knew she was alone but felt better, comforted. If she closed her eyes, she could almost feel him pressed against her.

Taz looked at the clock, and with a start realized she’d been there two hours. When she sent out a probe, she didn’t sense Matthias anywhere.

She dressed, hesitating before removing Rafael’s shirt. He was just a little larger than her, so it fit comfortably. She pulled it off, donned her T-shirt, pulled his shirt on over it, and left it unbuttoned.

It felt right. She rolled up the sleeves and had another thought.

She returned to the closet and took several more and heard a soft chuckle somewhere in the back of her mind.

In the kitchen, she found a plastic zipper-top bag and grabbed his shampoo, soap, and deodorant. She ran her hands through her hair, and while it looked a little weird from drying the way it did, it wasn’t bad. She had a ponytail holder in the car. She could pull it back, and it’d be fine.

She remade the bed and took his pillow. She knew the scent would eventually fade, but for now it proved an invaluable comfort.

Taz sat in the car, ready to leave, but something was different. She studied the MP3 player.

It was unplugged from the patch cable.

She didn’t remember doing that. She plugged it in and turned the player on. It set to the main menu, not on the album she’d been listening to.

What the hell?

She thumbed through the playlists and found a new one that wasn’t there before, she was sure of it.

Music for Taz.

A shiver ran through her. What the fuck? There was no one else around. Another fugue?

She glanced in the backseat. Rafael’s laptop case was there, but was it in a different position than before? She couldn’t be sure.

Did she sleepwalk? She’d had a damn good wet dream about Rafe, she remembered that much. But nothing about the MP3 player.

She wasn’t brave enough to investigate the new playlist. She wanted to get on the road. Picking a different playlist, Driving Music, she popped the garage door, backed out, and waited for it to close all the way again before heading north.