A Knight of the Word

CHAPTER 9

It was already dark when John Ross and Stefanie Window exited the offices of Fresh Start, turned down Main Street, and headed for Umberto's. Daylight saving time was over for another year, and all the clocks had been reset Sunday morning in an effort to conserve daylight–spring forward, fall back–but the approach of winter in the northwest shortened Seattle days to not much more than eight hours anyway. Streetlights threw their hazy glare on the rough pavement of the roadways and sidewalks, and the air was sharp and crisp wrath cold. It had rained earlier in the day, so shallow puddles dotted the concrete and dampness permeated the fall air. Traffic moved sluggishly through a heavy concentration of mist, and the city was wrapped in a ghastly pall.

Ross and Stefanie crossed Second Avenue and continued west past Waterfall Park, a strange, secretive hideaway tucked into an enclosure of brick walls andiron fends that abutted the apartment building where they lived. One entire wall and corner of the park's enclosure was devoted to a massive waterfall that tumbled over huge cocks with such a thunderous rush that conversation attempted in its immediate vicinity was drowned out. A walkway dropped dawn along a catchment and circled back around to a narrow pavilion with two additional features involving a spill of water aver stone,, and a cluster of tables and chairs settled amid a collection of small trees and flowering vines. In better weather, people employed in the vicinity would come into the park on their lunch breaks to watch the waterfall and to eat. John and Stefanie did so frequently. From their bedroom window, they could look down on the park and across at the offices of Fresh Start.

Adjoining Waterfall Park was Occidental Park, a broad open space paved with cobblestones that overlapped Main from Jackson to Yesler and fronted a series of shops and restaurants and a parking lot that serviced the entire Pioneer Square area. The new Seattle was built on the old Seattle, the earlier version of the city having burned to the ground in a turn–of–the–century fire. An underground tour of portions of the old city began just a few blocks to the north. By passing through a nondescript door and descending a steep, narrow flight of stairs, you could step back in time.

But the present was above ground, and that was what most people came to see. Pioneer Square was an eclectic collection of art galleries, craft outlets, bookstores, bars, restaurants, souvenir shops, and oddities, funky and unassuming and all–embracing, and John Ross had felt at home from the day he arrived.

He had come to Seattle with Stef more than a year ago. They had been together for several months by then, were drifting more or less, and had read about Fresh Start and thought it would be a good place for them to work. They had came an a whim, not even knowing if there might be jobs available, and there hadn't been, not at first, but they had fallen in love, with the city and particularly with Pioneer Square. They had rented a small apartment to see how things would go, and while he had been pessimistic about their chances of catching on at Fresh Start–they had been told, after all, treat there were no paid openings and none expected anytime soon-Stef had just laughed and told him to be patient. And sure enough, within a week Simon Lawrence had called her back and said he had something, and within a month after that, after spending his time doing volunteer work at the shelter, Ross had been offered Full–time employment, too.

He glanced over at Stef surreptitiously .as they crossed Occidental Pant. He was wearing his greatcoat with the huge collar turned up and his heavy wool scarf with the fringed ends trailing behind, and as he limped along with the and of his heavy walking staff, he looked a little like a modern–day Gandalf. Stefanie matched her pace to his, all sleek and smooth and flawless with her shimmering black hair and long limbs. She seemed entirely out of place amid the jumble of old buildings, antique street lamps, and funky people. She looked odd walking past the trolley that was stopped at the little island across from The Paper Cat, as if she had gotten off at the wrong stop on her way to the glass and steel towers of the high–rent district uptown. You might have thought she was slumming amid the homeless men who were clustered together next to the carved wooden totems and on the benches and under the mushroom–shaped pavilion across the way.

But you would have been wrong. IF there was one thing Ross had learned about Stefanie Winslow, it was that notwithstanding how she looked and dressed, she was right at home anywhere. You might think you could tell something about her 6y just looking at her, but you couldn't. She was comfortable with herself in a way that astonished him. Stef was one of those rare people who could walk into any situation, anyplace, anytime, and find a way to deal with it. It was a combination of presence and attitude and inteIligence. It was the reason Simon Lawrence had hired her. And subsequently hired him, for that matter. Stefanie made you feel she was indispensable. She made you believe she was up to anything. It was, in large part, he knew, why he was in love with her.

They rounded the corner at Elliott Bay Book Company and walked down First Avenue to King Street, then turned into the door of Umberto's Ristorante. The hostess checked off their names, smiled warmly at Stef, and said that their table was ready. She led them down several steps to the dining area, past the salad island toward the neon sign that said IL PICCOLO, which was the tiny corner bar, then turned right down a hallway cowered with posters of upcoming Seattle arts events. Ross looked at Stef in surprise. The dining room was behind them now; where were they going? Stef gave him a wink.

At the end of the hallway was the wine cellar, a small room closed away behind an iron gate in which a single table had been set for dinner. The hostess opened the wrought–iron door and seated them inside. A white tablecloth, green napkins, and silver and china seemed to glow in soft candlelight amid the racks of wines surrounding them.

`How did you manage this?' Ross asked in genuine amazement as the hostess left them alone.

Stef tossed back her hair, reached for his hand, and said, `I told them it was far you'

He had been back from Wales far almost a month when he met her. He had returned defeated in spirit and bereft of hope. He had failed in his effort to speak with the Lady or return the staff of power. His parents were dead, and his childhood home sold. He had lost contact with his few relatives years earlier. He had nowhere to go and no one to go to. For lack of a better idea, he went up from New fork to Boston College, where he had studied years earlier, and began auditing classes while he worked out his future. He was offered a position in the graduate–studies program in English literature, but he asked far time to think about it, uncertain if he wanted to go back into academia. What he really wanted was to do something that would allow him to make a difference in people's lives, to take a job working with people he could help. He needed human contact again. He needed validation of his existence. He worked hard at thinking of himself as something other than a Knight of the Word. He struggled bravely to develop a new identity.

Each day he would take his lunch in the student cafeteria, sitting at a long table, poring through his study books and staring out the windows of the dining hall. It was winter, and snow lay thick and white on the ground, ice hung from the eaves, and breath clouded in the air like smoke. Christmas was approaching, and he had nowhere to spend it and no one to spend it with. He felt incredibly lonely and adrift.

That was when he first saw Stefanie Winslow. It was early December, only days before the Christmas break. He wasn't sure if she had been coming there all along and he just hadn't noticed her or if she had suddenly appeared. Once he saw her though, he couldn't look away. She was easily the most beautiful woman he had eves seen -.exotic, stunning, and unforgettable. He couldn't find words to give voice to what he was feeling. He watched her all through the lunch hour and stayed afterward when he should have been auditing his class, continuing to stare at her until she got up and walked away.

The next day she was back, sitting at the same table, off to one side, all alone. He watched her come in and sit down to have her lunch for five days, thinking each time that he had to go over to her and say something, had to introduce himself, had to make some sort of contact, but he always ended up just sitting there. He was intimidated by her. But he was compelled, as well. No one else tried to sit with her; no one else even tried to approach. That gave him pause. But his connection with her was so strong, so visceral, that he could not ignore it.

Finally, at the beginning of the following week, he Just got up and walked aver, limped over really, feeling stupid and inadequate with his heavy staff and rough look, and said hello. She smiled up at him as if he were the most important thing in her life, and said hello back. He told her his name, she told him hers.

'I've been watching you far several days; he said, giving her a deprecatory shrug.

`I know„ she said, arching one eyebrow speculatively.

He flushed. `I guess I overdid it if I was that obvious, I was wondering if you were a student at the college.'

She shook her head, her black hair catching the winter light. `No, I work in administration:

°Oh. Well, I'm auditing some classes: He let the wards trail away. He didn't know where else to go with it. He felt suddenly awkward about what he was doing. sitting here with her. He glanced around. °I didn't mean to intrude, I just..

`John,' she interrupted gently, drawing his eyes back to hers, holding them.

'Do you know why I've been sitting here alone every day?'

He shook his head slowly.

`Because,' she said, drawing out the word, 'I've been waiting for you to join me'

She always knew the right thing to say. He had been in love with her from the beginning, and his feelings had just grown stronger over time. He sat watching her now as she gave their order to the waiter, a young man with long sideburns and a Vandyke beard, holding his attention with her eyes, with her voice, with her very presence. The waiter wouldn't look away if a bomb went off, Ross thought. When he left with the order, the wine steward, who had been by earlier, reappeared with the bottle of Pinot Grigio Stef had ordered. He poured it for Ross to taste, but Ross Indicated Stef was in charge. She tasted it, nodded, and the wine steward filed their glasses and disappeared.

They sat close within the dim circle of candlelight and stared at each other without speaking. Silently Ross hoisted his glass. She responded in kind, they clinked crystal softly, and drank.

'Is this some sort of special occasion?' he asked finally. `Did I forget an important date?'

'You did,' she advised solemnly.

And you won't tell me what it is, will you?'

As a matter of fact, I will. But only because I don't want to see how long it takes you to remember.' She cocked her head slightly in his direction. 'It was one year ago today, exactly, that Simon Lawrence hired you to work at Fresh Start.'

'you're kidding.'

'I don't kid. Josh, yes. Tease, now and then. Never kid' She nook a sip of her wine and licked her lips. `Cause for celebration, don't you think? Who would have thought you would end up writing speeches for the Wizard of Oz?'

Ross shook his head. 'Who, would have thought 1 would have ended up living with Glinda the Good?'

Stef arched her eyebrows in mock horror. °Glinda the Good? Wasn't she a witch?' 'A good witch. That's why she was called Glinda the Good'

Stef gave him a considering look. `John, I love you deeply, madly, truly. But don't call me Glinda the Good. Don't call me anything that smacks of the Wizard of Oz or the Emerald City or Munchkins or Dorothy or the yellow brick road. I get quite enough of that at work. Our life is separate and distinct from all this Wiz business:

He leaned back, looking hurt. 'But it's the date of my hiring. Isn't the analogy appropriate under those circumstances?'

The waiter returned with their salads, and they began to ear. The sounds of the main dining room seemed distant and disconnected from their little haven. Ross thought about all the years he had dreaded night's coming and sleep, plagued by the knowledge that when he slept he was condemned to dream of the future he must prevent and of the horror he must live if he failed. Once, he had thought he would never escape that life, and that even if he did, its memories would haunt hire forever. Stefanie had saved him from that, helped him find his way free of the labyrinth of his past, and brought him back into the light of possibility and hope.

`Have you finished your polish of the Wiz's speech?' she asked. `Hmnm, good salad. I like the bits of walnuts and blue cheese.'

`It's all done' he replied with a sigh. Another masterpiece. Simon will be quoted for weeks afterward.' He grinned. `I Shall live vicariously through him, his words my own'

`Yes, well, I don't know how much of this vicarious–living business you want to indulge in' she mused, lifting her wineglass and studying it speculatively. 'He seemed pretty on edge after Andrew Wren's visit.'

Ross looked up from his salad. `Really? What was that all about anyway, did you ever find out?'

She shook her head. `But it's never good news for a public figure when an investigative reporter cones calling,'

'No, I suppose not'

'Jenny told me Simon asked for the books cataloguing donations and expenditures to be brought up for Wren to loots at. What does that suggest to you?'

'Financial impropriety: Ross shrugged. `Wren will hunt a long time before he'll find evidence of that. Simon's a fanatic about keeping clean books. He can account for every penny received or spent:

He went back to eating his salad. Stef continued to study her wineglass, finally taking a sip from it. `I just don't like the way Simon is behaving,' she said finally. `He isn't himself lately. Something is bothering him'

Ross finished chewing, kept his eyes lowered, then forced himself to look up at her and smile. `Something is bothering almost everyone, Stef. The thing to remember is, mostly we have to work these things out by ourselves'

John Ross dreams. It is the same dream, the only dream he has anymore that he can remember upon waking. It is a dream of the future he was sworn to prevent as a Knight of the Word, and each time it reoccurs it is a little darker than it was before.

This time is no exception.

He stands on a hillside south of Seattle, watching as the city burns. Hordes of once–men and demons pour through gaps in the shattered defenses and drive the defenders steadily back toward the water that hems them in on all sides but his Feeders cavort through the carnage and drink in the terror and frenzy and rage of the dying and wounded. It is a nightmarish scene, the whole of the scorched and burning landscape awash in rain and mist, darkened by clouds and gloom, wrapped in a madness that finds voice in the screams and cries of the humans it consumes.

But the feelings that fill Ross are unfamiliar ones. They are not of

frustration or anger, not of despair or sadness, as they have been each time before.

His feelings now are dull and empty, devoid of anything but irritation and a faint boredom. He stands with a group of the city's survivors, but be has no regard for them either. Rather, he is a shell, armoured and invulnerable, but emotionless. He has no idea bow he became this way, but it is a transcending experience to realize it has happened. He is no longer a Knight of the Word; he is something else entirely. The humans he stands with are not a part of him. They do not meet his gaze as he looks over at them speculatively. They cower in his presence and huddle before him. They are frightened of him. They are terrified.

Then the old man approaches and whispers that be knows him, that he remembers him from years earlier His hollow eyed gaze is vacant, and his voice is flat and toneless. He looks and speaks as if be is disconnected from his body. He repeats the familiar words. You were there, in the Emerald City! You killed the Wizard of Oz! It was Halloween night, and you were wearing a mask of death! They were celebrating his life, and you killed him!

He shoves the old man away roughly. the old man collapses in a heap and begins to sob. He lies helpless in the dirt and rainwater, his ragged clothes and beard matted with mud, his frail body shaking.

Ross looks away. He knows the words the old man speaks are true, but he does not care. He has walled away all guilt long since, and killing no longer means anything to him.

He realizes in that moment that he is no longer part of the humans clustered at bis feet. He has shed his humanity; he has left it behind him in a past he can barely remember.

Suddenly, he understands why the humans look at him as they do.

He is the enemy who has come to destroy them.

Ross and Stef walked slowly back along First Avenue after leaving Umberto's, arms linked, shoulders hunched against the cold. The air was still hazy and damp and the sky still gray, but there was no rain yet. The street lamps of Pioneer Square blazed above them, casting their shadows on the sidewalk as they passed, dark human patterns lengthening and then fading with each bright new circle.

The dream had come again last night, for the first time in several weeks, and Ross was still wrestling with its implications. In this latest version of the future, Simon Lawrence was still dead, and Ross was still his killer. But now Ross was one of the bad guys, no longer a Knight of the Word, no longer even a passive observer as he had been every time the dream came to him before. He was some sort of demon clone, a creature of the Void and only barely recognizable as having ever been human.

He frowned into the upturned collar of his coat. It was ridiculous, ludicrous to think that any of this could ever come to pass.

So why was he having this dream?

Why was he being plagued with visions of a future he would never let happen?

`The state legislature is going to pass a bill before the end of the week that will cut back on state funding for welfare recipients to match what the federal government has already done in cutting back its funding to the state' Stef's voice was soft and detached in the gloom. `Maybe that's what has got Simon so upset'

`Well, by all means, let's put more people back on the streets' Ross shook his head, thinking of other things.

`Welfare encourages people not to work, John. You know that. You hear it all the time. Cutting off their aid will force them to get out there and get a job'

`Good thing it's all so simple. We can just ignore the culture of poverty. We can just pretend that poor people are just rich people without money. We can tell ourselves that educational, social, and cultural opportunities are the same for everyone. We can ignore the statistics on domestic violence and teen pregnancy and rate of exposure to crime and disease and family stability. Cut off welfare and put 'em to work. I don't know why anyone didn't think of it before. We can have everyone off the street and working by the end of the month, I bet'

`Yep. Then we can tackle a cure for cancer and get that out of the way, too' She snuggled her face into his shoulder, her dark hair spilling over him like silk.

`I liked our dinner,' he ventured, trying to take the edge off his frustration.

She nodded into his coat. `Good. I liked it, too'

They rounded the corner of Main at Elliott Bay Book Company and started for home. Occidental Park sprawled ahead of them, empty of life, watched over by the wooden totems, spectral sentinels in the gloom. The homeless had moved on to warmer spots for the night, abandoning their daytime haunt. Some would find a bed in one of the shelters. Some would make their bed on the streets. Some would wake up in the morning. Some would not.

`There are just not enough of us,' Ross said quietly.

She lifted her head to look at him. `Not enough of who?'

`Not of who. Of what. I misspoke. Not enough shelters for the homeless. Not enough schools for displaced children. Not enough food banks. Not enough care facilities. Not enough churches working with the needy. Not enough charities. Not enough programs or funding or answers. Not enough of anything:

She nodded. `There's a lot of competition for people's money and time, John. The choices aren't always easy.'

`Maybe it would be easier if people remembered there's a lot of competition for their souls, as well'

She stared hard at him for a moment. `Then everyone should be able to figure out what to do, shouldn't they?'

They crossed Main to Waterfall Park, peering into the blackness where the sound of rushing water welled up and reverberated off the brick walls. Amid the cluster of rocks and trees and garden tables, shadows shifted with barely perceptible movements. Ross thought he caught a glimpse of lantern eyes peering out at him. He didn't see the feeders much anymore–only brief glimpses. It bothered him sometimes that he couldn't see them better. He had wanted to remove himself from their world, and it didn't help knowing they were there and not being able to see them.

It reminded him of something Owain Glyndwr had asked of him.

Do you think you can ever be as you were?

He found himself thinking of the dream again, of the way he had appeared in it, of the way it made him feel. He might not ever be as he was, but at least he could keep himself from being like that. He could manage that much, couldn't he?

He stared into the shadows in silence, Stefanie clinging to his arm, and dared the things that lurked within to come into the light. It seemed to him as he did so that he could feel them daring him, in turn, to come into the dark.