A Desire So Deadly

Chapter 8

“So what exactly is the plan here?” Harlin asks when he drops me off at my father’s car. The traffic on the beach has picked up, and I imagine my parents are worried about me. I’ll have to go home and face them, knowing I’m not who they think I am. Knowing I haven’t always been their only daughter. But like I learned last time, the memories feel real—so to me, they’re still Mom and Dad.

“You know I love her, right?” I say to Harlin, my heart aching. “I love Lucy. I don’t know if I can send her away.”

Harlin lowers his eyes and takes my fingers in his. “I know. And to be perfectly honest, if it means losing you, I don’t want you to extinguish her either. There has to be another way. The universe has always underestimated you.”

“Do you have any ideas?” He starts to answer, but I cut him off. “Other than running away together.”

“Then no.” He’s not apologetic. Harlin is never sorry for how much he loves me. “But if Monroe was here,” he says, “I’m sure he’d tell you to think of the greater good. He was an asshole that way.”

I smile. “I had a dream about him last night. He said something eerily similar to that. The way I see it, the advantage we have right now is that Lucy doesn’t know I remember yet. She still thinks I’m just Claire. So maybe I can talk to her. She’s my sister—”

“You know she’s not your sister anymore,” Harlin says gently, even though his words are awful. “And it’s my fault too; I failed as her Seer. But Claire, she’s no longer in control of her impulses. That night at the beach, she almost drowned that girl. Told her to go in the water. Why? Because that’s what Shadows do. They wreak havoc and cause misery and pain. And whatever went down with your high-school boyfriend, you can bet that was due to her too.” Harlin’s jaw hardens when he mentions Ezra. It hadn’t occurred to me until now how difficult it must have been for him to see me with someone else. Even though I love Harlin, my feelings for Ezra were—are—real. I can’t change that.

“I’m sorry,” I say quietly. He gives me a look like I’m being an idiot.

“It’s not your fault.” He shrugs. “I didn’t even punch him in the face, because it’s not his fault either.”

I smile. “Like you’d ever hit anyone.”

Harlin steps closer, wrapping his arms around my waist. “Enough about him. All I’m saying,” he goes on, “is that talking to Lucy isn’t going to be enough. She’s manipulative. She’s psychotic. Can we make her a deal? What does she want?”

“Me,” I say. “She wants me to be a Shadow—which means I’ll be around forever, Harlin. But I’ll be evil. Obviously that’s not going to happen, but I don’t think she’ll give up either. Bringing me into the Shadows will validate her choice. She’ll have her family—a dysfunctional one, but a family nonetheless.”

Harlin watches me for a long moment. “Can you do it?” he asks. “Can you really destroy your sister?”

“I don’t know. But I’m not sure I have another choice.”

Harlin hugs me, resting his cheek on the top of my head. We sway, standing together at my father’s car. “Have you been having Needs?” he asks quietly.

“Yeah. Two of them.”

He looks down. “Already? That’s quick.”

“I’m stronger,” I say. “How about you? Have you helped any Forgotten lately?”

He shakes his head. “Nope. After Arizona, I haven’t seen any Forgotten other than you. Maybe you’re the only one left.”

“Yeah, no pressure,” I say, taking a step back. I zip up the front of my wet suit all the way and reach for the car-door handle. “I need to go home and change. Then I’ll call Lucy, see if I can get her to meet me here tonight.”

Harlin nods, glancing around like he’s scoping the place out. He probably won’t leave. He’ll want to make sure Lucy doesn’t show up early to ambush me. I lean to give him one last kiss and then get in the car. I don’t know how I’m going to lure my sister out, how I’ll fake not knowing who she is. But despite Harlin’s warning, I am going to try to talk to her. It’s the only other way.

The house is empty when I get home, which is surprising. The bakery isn’t open on Sundays. I look for a note, but don’t find anything. Now that I know Lucy is a Shadow, my concern for my family spikes. Shadows can manipulate things or even influence thoughts. All it would take is a whisper in my mother’s ear, and my family could have left town. I know what Shadows are capable of.

I get to my room and change out of the wet suit and bathing suit, opting for shorts and a soft T-shirt. I tie up my hair in a ponytail and then go into River’s room to grab one of his hoodies. When I open his door, my heart stops.

His desk chair is toppled over, papers scattered on the floor. His sheets are a tangled mess, his window wide-open. My worst fears are slowly being realized. My eyes well up as I take in the room. She was here.

A phone vibrates. I look on the dresser and see River’s cell lit up, reverberating on the wood top. Harlin was right—my sister is a psychopath. I was stupid to believe she wouldn’t know, wouldn’t feel the instant I returned. She’s a Shadow. She can read minds.

I cross the room and answer the call. “Where are they?” I ask, my voice thick.

“Don’t worry,” Lucy says immediately. “Mommy and Daddy are at the bakery. They got a huge order. Probably be there until morning, I’m guessing.”

She doesn’t go on, and I sit on the edge of the bed. “And River?” I ask.

“Don’t be mad,” she starts like she’s about to tell me she borrowed one of my shirts. “But River’s with me. I know, he’s your brother—I promise I won’t kill him.”

“He has nothing to do with this.” I’m trying to sound calm, but inside my heart is racing, adrenaline spiking at the thought of Lucy hurting him. I wonder what he’s thinking. What she’s saying to him.

“It’s the only way to assure you’ll do what I want. I’m wicked that way. So now that we have a bargaining chip, what exactly did you have in mind at the beach? I assume Harlin is there waiting, drawing pictures or something equally moody.”

“Why not come here?” I ask, scared to bring her anywhere near Harlin now. She hates him. If she’s willing to kidnap my brother, what would she do to Harlin?

“And not let you say good-bye to your one truelove? I think not, Elise.” She stops. “Or do you prefer Claire now?”

“I am Claire,” I say. “And please don’t hurt my brother, Lucy. Please don’t do that to me.”

She’s quiet long enough for me to think she actually cares. “I’ll see you in twenty minutes,” she says quietly, like I’ve injured her. “Pack a bag—we’ll leave from the beach.” And then the line goes dead.

Outside there is a crackle of thunder, and I jump. Shadows can control a lot of things, and I’m not surprised when the sky darkens and it starts to rain. Even though I’m stronger now, the light pulsing inside me at a frantic pace, I don’t know if I’m strong enough to handle Lucy. I close my eyes and try to clear my mind. I don’t want her to read my thoughts, even if I don’t have an actual plan yet. My sister wants me to give up the light, join the Shadows, where we’ll live forever. Even if I didn’t have Harlin—I wouldn’t make that choice. She can’t trick me.

But she has my brother.

My hands are shaking as I speed through the dark streets. My windshield wipers squeak against the glass as the rain lets up into a drizzle. The image of my brother hurt and bleeding is blotting out my rational thoughts. She’ll kill him if I don’t go with her. Shadows have no guilt, no remorse. I’m sure Lucy has killed before. It’s part of who she is now. The choice between the light and the Shadows has never been this difficult. I was the one at risk before—only my life in the balance. Now Lucy wants me to choose eternal damnation on earth so that my brother can live. But what she’s really done is make it so that I have no choice at all. I have to destroy her.

A tear runs down my cheek, and I rub it away as I pull into the parking lot. I have to be tougher. I have to do the right thing. I choke out a laugh, slamming the car gear into park. The right thing. I’ve sacrificed myself every time. I’ve given up everything. How much more can the universe take from me? How much longer can I last?

I leave the keys in the ignition and race down the sand. Even though it’s still midday, the storm has driven away all the surfers. The sound of the waves echoes as taps of rain dot my skin. I hadn’t looked for Harlin’s bike in the parking lot, and now I’m wondering if he went home. Will I be gone before he gets back?

Maybe I won’t get to say good-bye. Maybe that’s better for him.

I hear the crackling of fire, and my heart sinks. Lucy would have no need for fire—she’s not even alive. Harlin must have stayed. I pause and press my fist to my mouth, covering up the scream that’s waiting to escape.

Claire Becks’s life will end tonight. Oh God. The thought is so painful, so devastating. I’ll lose my mom and dad and brothers. My friends. My future. I won’t see Harlin again, not unless the universe sends me back. But if I extinguish Lucy, there wouldn’t be a reason to send me back. This is the end. But it’s too soon. I squeeze my eyes shut, the tears rolling down. I’m not sure I’ve gathered enough courage to face my sister, when I notice the faint glow.

At first I think it’s the fire, but then I open my eyes, and I realize it’s me. My skin is glowing softly—the light underneath bright enough to show through. Warmth. Warmth like a hug from a grandmother. Love like only a parent can give.

The Need—the Need is comforting me. I wrap my arms around myself, letting the light fill me with its energy, its love and bravery. My purpose has never been a selfish one. I’m not here for me. It’s never been about me. As Monroe Swift would have said, Do the right thing, sweetheart. Do it for the greater good.

I wait a beat, and the glow fades. The light is inside me, ready to burst through and extinguish the Shadows. Now I just have to figure out how to save River before I do.