A Desire So Deadly

Chapter 3

The water is cold and dark and suffocating. I lift my face to the surface, watching the light disappear as I sink. I’m holding my breath, my arms flailing out as I try to swim, but it’s like I’m weighed down with stones. Fear crawls up my throat, and I have my first convulsion as I try not to breathe in water. I’m going to die here. I’m going to die.

In the distance, I see a small glowing light. It’s so far—but I stretch my hand in that direction and instinctively call for help. Water slips inside my mouth. I try to cough but end up breathing in icy ocean water. It burns my nose, squeezes my throat. I claw at my skin, feeling like there’s an invisible rope strangling me. I try to get the water out, but with each try, I only bring more in.

The light is glowing brighter, but black dots of suffocation crowd my vision as I move toward unconsciousness. My eyes slip closed, and I force them open, wishing for someone to save me. Wishing to save myself.

“That’s it?” a voice whispers near my ear. Even though I know it’s not possible for her to talk underwater, I can feel her icy breath drift across my shoulder. “You’ll give up that easily? I must say, what a disappointment.”

“Claire?”

I convulse weakly, and turn to find the source of the voice. But it’s too late—I’ve drowned. All at once a shadow drapes over me like a dark blanket, blotting out all light, all hope.

And I die.

I jolt awake in my bed. I cough, frantically trying to choke up the water. It takes a minute for me to realize where I am. I’m home. My skin is damp with sweat, not ocean water, and I’m shaking.

“Claire,” River says. I look around my room and find him in the doorway. Night has fallen outside of my window, and I’m overwhelmed with relief to see my brother. It was just a dream. I’m not dead. Holy shit, that was intense.

“Sorry to wake you up,” River says, flipping on my light. “You said to let you know when I was leaving. I’ll see you there?”

I glance sideways at the alarm clock on my side table. Ezra will be here soon to take me to the bonfire, so I should get up. Get ready. Even though River’s here and my parents are probably just outside in the living room, I’m too frightened to set my feet on the floor, afraid of being swept away by an unseen apparition under my bed. I wait, up to my neck in blankets, until River leaves. And it isn’t until the nightmare has faded completely that I peel back my sheets and get ready for the bonfire.

Ezra and I pull up to our spot at the beach. The fire isn’t visible from the road, hidden behind a series of boulders jutting out of the sand. It isn’t illegal to be here at night, but we don’t want it advertised either.

“I hate that you don’t have a phone,” Ezra says, looking over as he yanks up the emergency brake. “Your brother doesn’t sound quite as sexy.”

“I’m sure your bromance will work itself out eventually.”

Ezra laughs, reaching over to take my hand, tugging me closer. “I missed you today,” he says. “We can always skip the party and hang out at my house.”

“Oh?” I raise an eyebrow. “Will we watch Lifetime movies with your mom?”

Ezra leans forward to kiss me, his arm wrapping around my waist to pull me tighter against him. “We can stay here,” he whispers against my mouth, his touch beginning to blot out any other plans I had tonight. We’re thoroughly exploring our options when the lights of another car flood the front seat, and I pull back. The car parks, but the moment has passed.

“You’re such a tease,” I say, and then check my reflection, swiping away any smeared lip gloss before turning back to smile at him. Normally I would find this car make-out kind of hot, but the day is still off. Besides my morning meltdown, I might be feeling a little guilty for my straying thoughts of Harlin.

“We should go,” I say, nodding toward the beach. “I’m sure your fans would like to see you.” My boyfriend is the reigning king of all things handsome at Deseo High School. Homecoming king, prom king, and he’ll probably win them both this year too.

Ezra blows out a frustrated breath and then watches the couple climb out of the car that just parked in front of us. “You know you’re the only one I’m here to impress, Claire.”

“I am impressed,” I say, giving him a long stare-down. Ezra laughs loudly, leaning in to give me one more quick kiss before opening the driver’s door. Everything seems to have snapped back to normal, and I smile as I grab my beach bag from the floor and get out.

Ezra locks the car and then appears next to me, taking my hand as we head across the sand. Every other Friday is like this—a bonfire on the beach, all our friends with the occasional new face of someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend.

As we round the rocks, Ezra lifts his hand in a wave when his friends call out to him. I wasn’t joking about fans; they really do idolize him. They’re all a year younger than me, but luckily my brother has moved on from the cradle-robber jokes to the Ken-and-Barbie ones. I’m glad—they’re less embarrassing.

Ezra gives me a squeeze before going to join his friends on the other side of the fire, and I maneuver through the people to where Soleil has taken up residence on a sun-bleached log. She hands me a red plastic cup when I sit down next to her.

“Your brother’s playing glow-in-the-dark Frisbee with the girls’ soccer team,” she says, sipping from her drink. “Why is he such a social butterfly today?”

I glance sideways, noting that her usual playful expression has slipped. She may have had too many drinks. Although Soleil may not like River, she definitely likes when he likes her. Clearly they have issues.

“Maybe he’s looking for attention,” I offer. The last thing I want to do is talk about my brother’s love life, and I start to scan the faces by the fire, hoping to find a new topic. I take a drink from my plastic cup and wince at its sugary sweetness. I set it aside.

“Where’s your boyfriend?” Soleil asks. “This party’s a bust. I need something pretty to stare at.”

I laugh. “You know Ezra. He’s probably making plans for an after-party already.”

“Always liked that guy.”

Across the sand, I notice a darkened figure coming toward the fire. I lean forward to see who it is. The silhouette is long and tall, and I don’t recognize her at first. When the amber light hits her face, I’m surprised to see the girl I gave a ride to this morning. But I’m even more surprised when Ezra walks up to her and starts talking like they’ve known each other forever.

“Who’s she?” Soleil asks, tipping her cup toward Lucy.

“A new girl in town. I gave her a lift to the Cordova Apartments today. I’ll be right back.” I start toward Ezra and Lucy, the cold sand sifting through my sandals. The air is crisper the farther from the fire I get. Neither seems to notice me, but then Lucy turns suddenly like she expected me to be there. I stop. A chill runs over my skin.

“Hey, Claire,” she says. At the sound of my name, Ezra looks over, all smiles. “This is a really cool spot,” Lucy continues. “Hope you don’t mind if I crash.”

“Of course not,” I say. “I’m sorry I didn’t mention it earlier. Surfing concussion.” I look between her and Ezra. “Do you guys know each other already?”

Ezra grins. “Nope. I like meeting new people, though.” Ezra has always been kind of flirtatious, but not in a way that makes me jealous. He really is just friendly.

“Lucy, this is my boyfriend, Ezra. Ezra, this is Lucy—she moved here from . . .” I pause, forgetting what we’d talked about earlier.

“Thistle, Arizona,” she says. “Shitty little town. But it’s full of some great people. Anyway”—she shoves her hands in her pockets—“mind if I grab a drink?”

“I’ll walk you over,” I reply. Ezra says he’ll catch up with us later and returns to his buddies, who immediately eye and whisper about Lucy. I can tell Ezra’s proud to return with information. He and Soleil are similar in that way.

“Your boyfriend seems nice,” Lucy says as we head to the Gatorade cooler filled with juice and vodka. “Been together long?”

“About eight months.” I pull a plastic cup from the sleeve and hand it to her. I don’t feel like drinking tonight. “My friend Soleil and I were at the beach one day, and Ezra hit me with a Frisbee.” I smile, watching as Lucy fills her cup. “He came over to get it, and once we started talking . . . I don’t know; we clicked. Became inseparable.”

“You’re lucky,” she says, taking a sip and wincing at the taste. “I haven’t met a decent guy in ages. Just think, if that Frisbee had been a little off course, he might have ended up with your friend.”

I furrow my brow, never having thought of it that way. I glance back at Soleil, who’s staring at the ocean, looking bored to tears. “Hey, want to meet her?” I ask Lucy.

“Maybe in a few? I think I’m going to have Ezra introduce me to a couple of his guys.” She pauses. “If you don’t mind.”

I laugh. “I’ve never been the possessive type,” I tell her. “I’ll catch up with you later.”

Lucy bites on her lip like she’s nervous and then turns to walk over to where Ezra is standing. It’s only a minute before Luke and Kevin are laughing at something she said, clearly impressed with Lucy. I’ll admit I am too. I expect Ezra to look over at me, but he doesn’t. He seems content in playing matchmaker.

“Friend of yours?” a soft voice asks. I spin, startled, and see the new guy from my philosophy class standing a few feet away. He nods in Lucy’s direction.

“Uh.” I glance at Lucy but then shake my head. “Not really. Just met her today, actually. You?” It hadn’t occurred to me that they may know each other, but now I have a sudden dread that she’s his girlfriend (or ex-girlfriend). Two strangers in one day is pretty odd.

Harlin brushes a strand of hair behind his ear, studying my reaction. “Nope,” he replies.

His voice is tender, like a song whispered in my ear. His black leather jacket is worn, a bright white T-shirt underneath. When he runs his hazel stare over me, I think he might be the hottest guy I’ve ever seen. I dare to take a step closer. “How—” I clear my throat, anxious in a way I didn’t expect. “How did you know about the bonfire?”

“Your friend Sarah told me.”

“Who?”

Harlin pauses, then chuckles quietly to himself. “Sorry. I meant Soleil. She invited me before class.”

I can’t believe Soleil asked him and didn’t tell me. She obviously left out some important details from our chat. I wonder what else they talked about. Lucy’s laugh echoes, and I turn to watch her. Harlin comes to stand next to me, his shoulder nearly against mine. I have a sudden and irrational wish to touch him, and my stomach flutters at the thought. He smells like leather, like comfort, and I can barely catch my breath as I look at him.

“I’m Claire,” I say. Harlin offers his hand, polite and genuine. I slide my palm into his, and when we touch, a shock of electricity shoots up my arm, making me jerk back.

Harlin freezes, staring down at his still-outstretched hand, his lips slightly parted. Even in the firelight, I can see the blush rising on his cheeks. He doesn’t say anything at first, but then he lifts his gaze. He smiles, slow and sexy, and in that instant, I come to life. My entire body warms.

“Hi, Claire,” he says softly. “I’m Harlin.” I can still feel the tingling in my fingers, and I have to wonder if anyone has ever felt this way after first meeting someone. It’s like I’ve just dropped from the top of a roller coaster. Harlin motions to my hair. “That shade of red is really pretty on you.”

I inspect the ends of my hair, mostly to fidget. After thinking about him all day, it’s surreal that the new guy is hitting on me. I should tell him I have a boyfriend, should go back to Soleil. Instead I thank him, opting to stay a little longer.

Near the fire, Kyle Rampert takes out his guitar and starts strumming, and I know that it’s only a matter of minutes before Ebony Campolla will join him, singing in her raspy voice. When she does, the entire night takes on a romantic quality. I’ve lost track of Ezra, who’s walking around the party with Lucy like he’s her tour guide. But in this moment, I don’t feel like I’m here with Ezra. Not anymore.

“Why did you really come here?” I ask Harlin, braver with each passing moment. “This doesn’t seem like your scene.”

“It’s not,” he replies. “Will it embarrass you if I’m honest?”

I laugh. “Probably.”

“I hoped you’d be here.” A shiver races down my back. “I wanted to meet you.”

“Oh.” I look down, putting my fingers on my lips to disguise the smile I can’t hold back. “Well . . . that is embarrassing.” We both laugh, awkward even though the flirting is exhilarating at the same time.

I’m about to ask him if he wants a drink when I hear a splash from the water. At first I think it’s a fish, but there’s a nagging in the back of my mind. Ebony is still singing, but underneath that is a hum I can’t seem to make out. I turn, facing the dark water and studying it, waiting for something to surface. Anxiety begins to twist around my gut. It’s not right—the feeling in the air is not right.

“Someone’s in the water,” I say to myself at first. And then louder: “Someone’s in the water!” I can’t see anything, but I know. I know that someone’s drowning right now.

I rush past Harlin toward the water, my sandals flipping off as I dig my toes in the sand to get traction. I hear the pounding of footsteps behind me and then Ezra is crashing into the waves with River right behind him. They’ve both been lifeguards, and I clasp my hands in front of me as they bob in and out of the water, calling to each other.

The party has stopped, everyone looking on in confused curiosity. But I feel dread winding through me, much like earlier with Tanner. Oh no. Is it happening again? A splash of cold water runs between my toes and startles me. Suddenly my anxiety is replaced with a steady calm.

“What’s going on?” Lucy appears next to me and loops her arm through mine like we’ve been friends forever. “Is someone in the water?”

“I think so,” I murmur, and lean into Lucy as we watch River and Ezra search the ocean.

“It’s dark out there,” Lucy says. “We should grab flashlights for them.”

I turn to her, waking slightly as I think that she’s right. “That’s a really good idea,” I say, and we dash back toward the coolers. There’s always a pile of flashlights for the walks back to the cars. I grab one and then toss another to Lucy. A small crowd has started to gather at the water, a frenzy running through the party as everyone tries to determine who exactly is missing.

Ezra emerges from the water with a loud splash, and I steady the light on him. “I’ve got her,” he coughs out, his arm wrapped around the neck of a girl as he begins to wade toward shore. River goes over to meet him, and then together they drag the girl to land, her black hair hanging over her face, her toes dragging in the sand. They set her down, and Ezra listens for her breath before starting chest compressions. My brother gives me a dire look, like he’s afraid she’s already dead.

It’s Francesca Roberts, the new girl—the old new girl. Soleil comes over, and we’re both terrified. Next to me, Lucy shakes her head in disbelief. Just then Francesca sputters up some of the ocean and convulses before turning on her side to gag.

“Jesus,” Ezra says, running his fingers roughly through his hair. River covers his face, relieved, before getting to his knees to help Francesca sit up. I’m so glad he was here to help.

The crackling of the bonfire is the only sound besides Francesca, who continues to struggle to get a clear breath. When she finally does, my brother can barely contain his anger.

“What were you thinking?” he asks, shivering in his wet clothes. “Why would you go out in the water?”

Francesca glances around at us, her eyes black orbs of smeared mascara. “I don’t know. I just . . . walked out there.” She shudders in a breath and starts to cry. “I don’t know why I did it. I almost drowned.”

River puts his arms around her and then helps her to her feet. Soleil grabs a blanket from the sand, shaking it out before wrapping it over Francesca’s shoulders.

I turn to Lucy, ready to say that nothing like this has ever happened before around here, but I see she’s not looking at Francesca at all. She’s staring across the sand to where Harlin is standing, glaring at her. I look between them, confused, but then Ezra takes my arm, startling me. His fingers are like ice, and his teeth chatter. My worry spikes, and I hug myself to him.

“You’re freezing,” I say. I rub my hands over his arms to warm him, but his clothes are dripping with seawater, his entire body shivering. “Let’s go,” I tell him, taking his elbow to pull him toward the cars. He’s not talking, his blue eyes wide and slightly dazed.

“See you around,” Lucy says as we pass her. Ezra stammers out a good-bye. “I’ll stop by the bakery sometime,” she adds when I look at her. I feel bad just leaving her behind, but it’s obvious that Ezra needs to get home. I tell my brother I’ll catch up with him later.

On the way out, I shoot a glance at Harlin. He watches me lead Ezra toward the car, and I’m not imagining the hurt in his expression. I think he just realized I have a boyfriend.

At the car, I hug Ezra once again, thinking that he’s not just cold—he’s in shock. I help him into the passenger side and then take his keys to drive. I get a little perspective on things again. I’ll forget about Harlin, who I hardly know anyway. I’ll ignore what happened at the bakery with Tanner, what happened just now at the beach. I don’t want to know things I shouldn’t. I just want to be Claire.

I’ve almost convinced myself that everything is back to the way it should be when I hear Ezra murmuring absently, like he’s repeating a song stuck in his head. It’s when I catch what he’s saying that the dread returns. “Go for a swim in the ocean.”