Flight of Fancy

Chapter Eleven

Aidan felt so fucking good. He was holding perfection, a slender, toned body that continued to gyrate against him, rubbing his cock with long, lingering strokes.

“Oh yeah.”

He didn’t hurt anywhere, those aches and pains he’d been dealing with all but gone, except for the one between his legs.

“Hmm. Harder, baby. That’s it, boy. Let me feel you.” He sighed as warm lips closed around his nipple, and he humped into a hard cock and firm belly. He gripped himself and his lover, grinding together, seeking the ultimate high.

Gavin’s mouth turned to his other nipple and teased, nipping and licking. Aidan knew how much Gavin liked it, but he hadn’t considered himself particularly sensitive there. Until Gavin showed him what he’d been missing.

He groaned and arched into that touch, pumping into his own hand, and then Gavin’s sandwiched between them. Feeling his lover’s slick cock against him only weighed down his need to come. And then Gavin shimmied down his body and took Aidan’s shaft deep into his mouth.

“Fuck. I’m going to come, baby. Suck me down. All of it. Oh, yeah,” he groaned as he lost control and released. Gavin sucked harder, swallowing a lot of cum. Good boy that he was, he didn’t stop sucking until Aidan gently nudged him away.

Replete yet wanting Gavin to have the same rush, he pulled Gavin up to straddle his waist, still caught between a dream and reality. He blinked up to see Gavin’s thick cock wet at his slit, his balls tight and ripe. And Aidan wanted a bite.

“Turn around. Face my feet, and bring that sac down to my mouth. Come over me while I suck you.”

“Aidan,” Gavin moaned. He turned around and scooted back, then lowered his balls into Aidan’s waiting mouth. While Aidan sucked and fondled him, Gavin jerked himself off. That big cock on Gavin’s smaller frame was such a shock, especially when he came all over the place. It turned Aidan on, big-time. And though he wanted to watch Gavin lose it, he wanted to feel his lover tense as he spewed. He continued to lick and suck, loving the breathy cries and firming flesh that warned of Gavin’s climax.

And then Gavin cried out when Aidan nicked his balls with his teeth. Hot seed hit Aidan’s belly, energizing him again. Gavin eased up out of his mouth and knelt there, panting. Then he left the bed and returned with a warm washcloth. He cleaned them both up, being careful around Aidan’s fading wounds.

“What a way to wake up,” Aidan said with a smile before he remembered he’d told Gavin to sleep in the other room. They weren’t Master and sub any longer. There was no more mission workup. No reason for them to remain together.

Gavin grinned knowingly. “Before you say it, my stuff is in the other room. Last night you were moaning, so I laid down with you for comfort. But I fell asleep. Sorry.”

Embarrassed he’d made any noise at all, Aidan shrugged away the blame. “I, ah, okay.”

“You seduced me this morning with little effort. I was dreaming, and there was this huge cock rubbing against me. So I turned over, and then this sexy voice was telling me what to do.”

Hell. Aidan had only himself to blame.

“Don’t worry. I don’t mind the sex.” Gavin winked. “It felt great. But I won’t burden you by trying to take up where we left off. The D/s stuff is over. I know that. I just want to help nab Samson and Carl. That’s it. No pressure for relationships and all the emotional nonsense you were afraid I’d hit you with. Okay?”

Aidan didn’t know what to say. Gavin had addressed the issues Aidan feared they’d have to face. He’d said all the right words. But Aidan didn’t like any of them.

“Right. Sure.”

“I’m going to shower first. I’ll be quick.” Gavin waved and left him alone.

Aidan stared down at himself naked, the comforter at his feet, and wondered what the fuck he’d woken up to. Or was he still dreaming?

An hour later, he sat across the kitchen island and watched a peppy Gavin Caldwell munching on his bacon with gusto. “Great coffee, Aidan. I’ll have to try that blend.”

“Yeah.” He sipped his black brew and just stared at his lover.

“So what’s up for today?”

Aidan didn’t know what to do. “A write-up for Jack, I guess.”

“I did it the day after we got back. You were pretty messed up.”

Aidan drank more coffee, wondering how to bring up what he dreaded talking about.

Gavin beat him to it. “Just so you know, I didn’t say anything about what you did to those guys. You know, when they were trying to kill me.”

“Oh?”

“I know you did something to their minds. But you never talked about being able to do that, so I didn’t mention it. I think it’s fair for me to ask you, though. Exactly what did you do?”

“Hell if I know.” He wished he did; then maybe he’d have better luck not doing it again.

Gavin blinked and said nothing. Aidan had been good about staying out of Gavin’s head lately, but he wanted to know what Gavin thought. When he tried to look, to his surprise, he found himself blocked. The little geek had learned something after all.

Gavin grinned. “I felt that. Thank yourself for teaching me that nifty trick.”

“Christ, Gavin. I can’t tell you the last time I heard the word ‘nifty.’ Maybe in a forties flick?”

“Yeah, well, I grew up with my grandfather. He lived with us after my dad died. And he used words like nifty and hell’s bells and golly a lot.” Gavin’s dimple made him seem so much younger than he was. “Get used to it, Blondie.”

“Idiot.” Aidan snorted but couldn’t help his grin. He liked Gavin’s verve. For someone who used to feel bullied, Gavin seemed to have adapted to Aidan pretty quickly. Then again, he’d put his trust in Aidan not too long ago. It was probably still fresh. “Gavin, I have to say something.”

“Speak, freak, and speak freely.”

He frowned. “You’re a lot cuter with your mouth closed.” Or around my cock immediately came to mind. “About what happened in Mendocino. I’m sorry you walked in on that. I should have been there for you, not the other way around.”

“Huh?”

“It’s just, I was supposed to be in charge, and they took me by surprise. Then you had to deal with Kerr and his dickheads while my sorry ass was chained to a fucking wall.”

“It could as easily been my sorry ass.” Gavin shrugged, playing off his part in their rescue with a maturity and ease that surprised him. After all the shit Gavin had taken about screwing up, he should have been rubbing Aidan’s nose in his success.

“But it wasn’t. You saved the day. You didn’t screw up. I did.”

“Actually, Jack screwed up. The bad guys followed the money, because our financial data wasn’t secured the way it should have been. But Jack’s cleaned that up already.”

Aidan stared at him with new respect. “You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?”

“Say what?”

“I’m sorry for thinking what I did about you. You’re a stand-up guy, Gavin.”

Gavin flushed.

My boy needs praise. Gavin looked damn good getting it. “So I was thinking,” Aidan continued.

“Big mistake.”

He glared. “I was thinking we should continue your self-defense training. You did well against Kerr, but the other two had you by the balls. You just need to know where to hit them hardest.”

“The other two…the ones you took care of for me. Are we ever going to talk about that?”

Aidan sighed. “Yeah. Just not now, okay? Let me drink my coffee and get used to the fact I have time off. All those movies I was going to see and books I wanted to read—now I have time for them. I don’t know what to get to first.”

“You mean, while we wait for a psychotic killer who wants to drill you to show up,” Gavin added drily.

“Yeah. Exactly.”

“Great. I vote for the Shaolin collection you have in your cabinet.”

“I’ve seen those.” Aidan blinked. “But I suppose I could see them again.” Who knew Gavin liked martial-arts flicks?

They started talking entertainment. Movies, television, books, and before Aidan knew it, half the day had passed. They’d watched two movies back-to-back, then critiqued fighting styles. Which got Aidan thinking about a workout.

Gavin shook his head. “No way. Doc Cannon made me promise you wouldn’t be too active for a few days. You need to heal, Aidan. No training.”

Aidan fumed. “You’re not my nursemaid.”

“And I’m not your sub either. So quit bossing me around.”

That took Aidan aback. Had he been pushing Gavin in that way? “Sorry.”

Gavin shrugged. “Um, sure. You’re a domineering kind of guy. I get it. And it’s got to be killing you not to work out. You train every day, don’t you?”

“Yeah.” Even when he’d been working with Gavin before the mission, he’d spent at least a few hours lifting, running on the treadmill, or working on the heavy bag in his basement in the section not dedicated to his dungeon.

“You can’t do any of what you want to do.”

“How do you know what I want to do? You read minds, boy?” Aidan tacked on to tease. He loved watching Gavin’s cheeks turn red. And that thought brought his attention to Gavin’s tight ass.

“I don’t have to read yours to know what you’re thinking about right now. Not with that hard-on staring at me.”

Aidan chuckled. “You’ve gotten pretty good at shielding. What do you think about to hold it firm?” He’d been dying to know what Gavin used as a positive block to mental penetration. He had a feeling it wasn’t his mother.

“My secret. Just like you have secrets.”

Again with the veiled references to Aidan’s secret talent—scrambling people’s brains. “Come on, genius. Why don’t you do something constructive? Help me look over my financial portfolio.”

Gavin opened his mouth and closed it, like a fish out of water. “Oh man, I’d love to.”

They spent the next few days feeling each other out. There were no repeat performances of that morning in bed. All of Aidan’s hard-ons went untouched by Gavin’s delightful mouth. Gavin, for his part, had a blast with Aidan’s financials and made several recommendations to expand his investment strategy that Aidan found useful. He also proved to be an entertaining houseguest. He cleaned up after himself and generally kept out of Aidan’s way. After warning him just once more to go easy, Gavin agreed to work out with Aidan.

Aidan scaled it down but returned to his fighting stances and practiced strikes. He didn’t lift weights or box, though. Too much strain on his core too soon.

He watched Gavin fight, saw his boy’s—partner’s—weaknesses, and tried to correct them, which wasn’t easy without putting his hands on Gavin. But if he did, Aidan worried he’d fuck the shit out of his little sub.

No matter how many times he told himself that part of his relationship with Gavin had come to an end, his body refused to believe it. When Gavin bent over, when he opened his mouth, when he gripped a bottle in a tight fist, Aidan wanted to fuck him. Any way, anyhow. He had a constant erection that thankfully Gavin ignored.

A few hours after they’d finished training and had showered and dressed, he growled, “I’ll be back,” and left the couch. Gavin didn’t acknowledge him, engrossed in one of the newest spy movies streaming on the television.

Aidan cursed a blue streak under his breath and found his cell phone in his bedroom. He called Avery, skipping Jack altogether.

“Yeah?” Nathan, Avery’s lover, picked up. Damn. Aidan heard laughter and noise behind Nathan.

“I need to talk to Avery.”

“Is it important?”

“Of course it’s important, or I wouldn’t be calling.” Asshole. “Put Avery on. It’s Aidan.”

“Hmm. Aidan who? Have we met?” Nathan asked.

“Don’t be a dick. You know it’s me.” Aidan hated talking to Nathan sometimes. He was such a smart-ass. He heard Avery in the background shout something to Nathan, who shouted something obnoxious back.

“Hold on,” Nathan said, all sweetness and light.

“Jesus, Nathan,” Avery said between laughter. The phone must have dropped and was picked up again, because Aidan heard, “You are such an asshole. Gimme my damn phone.”

“You work too hard. Besides, it’s only Aidan.”

Aidan waited with forced patience for the sane member of the partnership to answer the phone.

“Man.” Avery. Finally. “Hey, Aidan. Sorry. Had to deal with a princess with her panties in a twist.”

Aidan liked Avery. The former US Marine had a no-nonsense attitude and took no prisoners. He was mission essential, and he knew how to get the job done. “You seen anything else on our blond dude? Anything timewise? Sitting around on my ass is killing me. I need to get back in action.”

“Sorry, my friend. But no one said you had to wait forever. Why not come on over to Hallihans for a beer? Bring Gavin and lighten up a little. There’s plenty of backup here, so you can let your hair down. Speaking of which, you ever think of getting it cut? It’s kind of long. Not great when your opponent can grab on and bring you down.”

“Since when the hell do you care about hair? Hell. You’re letting Nathan get to you.”

Avery sighed. “Yeah. He’s such a girl about style. Sorry I mentioned it. Though from a defensive perspective, it makes sense. Why the hell do you think the military gives its grunts buzz cuts?”

“Yeah, sure.” Aidan shook his head. “About the bar, maybe another time. I don’t want—”

“Hold on.” Avery’s tone changed. “Hey. Your guy. He’s a big blond, right?”

Aidan sat up straighter. “Yeah, why?”

“One of Chloe’s dudes is talking about some guy that recently went to his mom’s clinic.” Chloe was in a relationship with a set of sexy twins, Xavier and Josh Cannon.

“Mom’s clinic? We’re talking Doc Cannon, right?”

“Yeah. She wouldn’t tell him anything about you, but that he showed his face is telling. Sounds like Samson Ruelle is in the area, and he doesn’t care who knows.”

“Good.” Aidan’s blood hummed with the need to do violence. “No word about Carl Kerr, though, huh?”

“Nope.”

“Thanks, man.”

“Anytime.” Avery paused. “You know, you don’t have to live like a hermit all the time.”

“What?” Would Samson come straight at them or take his time? Probably feel out the surroundings, figure out where best to attack from.

“I’m just saying. Next to Jack, you’re the most antisocial guy on the team. It helps if you mingle a little, have fun.” He cleared his throat. “And yeah, that’s Nathan’s influence again. But you tell him I said that, and I’ll kick your ass back to DC. Later, Viking.” Avery disconnected.

Aidan stared at the phone as he put it down. He’d never seen himself as antisocial. If anything, he’d kept away because most members on the team didn’t like him. He’d never been the “make friends” type.

“What’s up?” Gavin asked from the bedroom doorway. “You look weird.”

“I just talked to Avery. Seems Samson showed up at Dr. Cannon’s clinic asking about me.”

“So he’s on the way. Good. Then we can get back to normal.”

Before Aidan could stop himself, he blurted, “But what is normal?”

“For me?” Gavin moved farther into the room. “Sitting in my office, making sure Ian doesn’t break the bank. For some stupid reason, Jack put him in charge of purchasing. That’s like putting the crazies in charge of the asylum.”

“I thought you wanted fieldwork.”

“I thought I did. But I don’t.”

“You’ve gotten a lot better with your hand-to-hand training.” Aidan didn’t understand. “You’re not afraid of getting back in, are you?” Maybe the case had lasting psychological effects he hadn’t realized. Something he’d need to fix, because no way did he want Gavin suffering any lasting harm from the op.

“Thanks. You’re actually a good trainer.” Gavin smiled. That grin was so sweet, so full of joy. He seemed unspoiled by life, and that brightness drew Aidan like nothing else. “I think I wanted fieldwork more because I was told no than that I actually liked it.”

“How’s that?”

“Well, when you can’t have something, you want it more, you know? They kicked me out of the program before I could tell if it suited me or not. Dalton should have plugged me right back in. But he was a jerk about it.”

Not in Aidan’s opinion.

“In any case, I proved to myself I could handle it.”

“You did.” Aidan felt a resounding pride in his partner, as if he himself had solved the problem.

“And now that I know I can do it, I can step back and take a good look at what I really want.” The intense look he gave Aidan put butterflies in his stomach.

What the hell was that? He coughed to hide his unaccountable nervousness and asked the tough question. “What do you want?”

“To be part of the team. People look at me differently now. You do.”

“Yeah, I guess.” I look at you like you belong to me, and that’s a problem.

“I think I just needed confidence. You helped with that, and I’m grateful.”

“I don’t want you to be grateful,” Aidan growled.

“Then what do you want?”

“This isn’t about me. We’re talking about you.”

Gavin scowled. “Fine. I want to be the team’s accountant. Back to the way it was. Simple. Except now I’m not the geek who fucked up. I’m the geek who fucked Aidan Marshall.” He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at Aidan with challenge.

“You—what?”

“Yeah, you heard me. Ian’s been telling everyone that I’m ‘the man’ because I managed to top Aidan Marshall. But no one tops you. No one gets to make love to you. Even Mike only comes when you call. You’ve barely allowed me into your little world.” Gavin’s voice gentled. “It’s all on your terms, your way. Why?”

Aidan didn’t understand how this conversation had turned so completely. And where the hell did Gavin get off trying to handle him?

“First of all, what’s with the soft voice? I’m not a scared fucking rabbit ready to bolt.”

“Aren’t you?”

Yes. “No. And second, no one fucks me, because it’s a personal preference. Like your thing for bondage and submission. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Not like the many bruises to his back. The stinging, the tearing of young, virgin flesh. All the blood, the pain. And going through it again and again until he just didn’t care anymore…

He didn’t realize he’d been so lost in the memory until Gavin’s arms wrapped around his middle. “It’s okay, Aidan. I just want to understand you. It’s okay.”

“I—You don’t—Fuck.” Aidan tore out of Gavin’s arms and stepped away, needing time to compose himself. He shouldn’t be surprised to go through this again. Samson had brought out familiar fears when he’d tied Aidan up and touched him without permission. The threat of rape got the big guy off, and he’d been toying with Aidan, inflicting small points of pain while getting a boner the size of Texas. Hell, had Gavin not arrived when he had, Aidan didn’t know what might have happened.

And he didn’t want to think about it. But he couldn’t seem to stop.

“Talk to me, Aidan.”

“Fuck off,” he said, wishing he sounded harder and less hoarse. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I wouldn’t press, but I know how things can fester.” Gavin quieted. After a moment, he said, “Have you ever talked to anyone about it?”

Aidan felt so angry he wanted to explode. He didn’t want Gavin seeing him like this. Hell, he didn’t want anyone to see him like this. But Gavin had to poke and pry. “You want to know? Do you really want to know why I don’t bottom?” he yelled and turned to face his lover.

“Yes.”

The quiet response irritated him all the more, because he saw compassion in those big blue eyes.

“When I was ten, my father sold me for drug money to some shithead pedophile who raped me, over and over, until I just couldn’t take it anymore. I made his brain explode. I killed the fucker and took off, but not before I told my old man’s pusher a bunch of lies that got him killed. Happy now?”

Aidan wanted to storm off, to leave and not look back. He hated the memories with a passion. He felt those hands on him, that sickeningly sweet smell of Old Spice and body odor clogging his nose. The unwelcome intrusion of a dirty, thick finger, and then more…

“I’m so sorry, Aidan. So sorry.” Gavin had tears in his eyes.

“I don’t want your pity. Get out.” He turned off the emotion, not able to let it in. His brain started bubbling, the need to destroy, to kill, like a drug. He saw Tyler and Samson in his mind’s eye, and he wanted them to burn.

Gavin turned to leave, and Aidan let himself shut down. He let all the rage and the pain and the grief go. The numbness worked, because it allowed him to exist, in control, strong and sure. No doubt or vulnerability. He had to be together and on guard for Samson when the prick returned.

God, he couldn’t wait to kill that asshole. And this time, he’d make sure to draw out the pain. He’d keep his mental energy under wraps while he filleted the guy with his own hunting knife.

Hands circling his waist shocked him. He would have pulled away but Gavin clung to his back like glue.

“Let go.” I don’t want to feel right now. “Fuck, Gavin. Get off.” His voice almost broke.

“No. I’m not leaving you.”

“Not now.” But you will later, because no one stays. “I can read your mind, boy. I know what you want, what you need. And it isn’t me. I’m not a daddy for you. Okay? We fucked, and it’s over. It was a mission, Gavin. That’s it.”

“Okay.” Gavin hugged him tighter.

He felt moisture against his back and sagged. “Christ. Tell me you’re not crying.” He blinked hard to dry his own eyes.

“I’m not crying.” Gavin sniffed.

“Hell.” Aidan didn’t want to move. He liked Gavin’s arms there. And that was the problem. He liked it too much.

“I love you, Aidan.”

He froze.

“I love you, and if you look deep, you’ll see why.”

“Let go. You don’t love me. You love the Dom you think is me.”

“You read minds. You manipulate them. And you nearly killed two guys with that oversize brain of yours. You like to protect me, because I’m smaller than you. And you like fucking me, because I’m good in bed.”

Aidan’s bark of laughter sounded like a sob, so he shut his mouth and clenched his jaw tight to keep from responding.

“I know you, Aidan. I really do. And I love you. I don’t care what some insane, pathetic loser did to you when you were ten. And I’m glad you killed the man who sold you to hell.”

“He was my father.”

“And he should have protected you.”

Aidan hadn’t meant to share telepathically, but Gavin was fucking him up. “You have no idea what I’m really like. I’m an asshole. I don’t know how to love someone. You said it yourself. I’m controlling. It’s my way or else. I don’t know how to love anyone, Gavin. And I don’t know any other way to be.”

“It’s okay. I know how to give you what you need. And you do love me. You just don’t know how to handle it.”

Panicking because Gavin seemed to be rejecting his excuses, Aidan struck fast and hard, needing to get out before Gavin tossed him to the curb. “I don’t love you.” It didn’t get more brutal than that, even if it was a bald-faced lie.

“Yes, you do.” Gavin moved faster than Aidan would have imagined. A swirl of power enveloped them both, and then they were in the air.

Aidan hadn’t prepared for it and felt off balance. Then before he could gather his center, Gavin shifted them in the air and moved higher, toward the vaulted ceiling.

“Shit. Gavin, let go.”

But when he did, everything went wrong. Aidan landed hard on the bed on his belly. And Gavin dropped like a dead weight onto his back.

“Gavin?”

He didn’t move.

A raspy chuckle came from the darkened corner of the room. Samson Ruelle stepped out, a gun in his hand. “Hello, boys. Miss me?”