Wolfs Magic

Chapter Five

Leah screamed as the first wave of white light hit her. Az had called it warm; it didn’t feel that way to her. No, the word she wanted to use was scalding. Her body burned as she thrashed and rolled on the ground. They were killing her. This whole thing had been an elaborate hoax to cause her pain. It was the only explanation.

Az’s face appeared before her eyes. She knew it wasn’t really him, she’d watched him howl and shift when this horror had begun. It was just a vision of him, a memory from earlier. What had he told her? Some people resisted the light and it hurt them more.

Was that what she was doing?

Her vision swam back to the present and she tried to breathe deeply even though she wanted to throw up. First her left paw began to reshape, followed immediately by the right one. The toes elongated, moved, where there was once fur human skin appeared before her eyes and oh how it burned as it happened. Nothing could be more agony than this.

She fell down on her face. Lifting her head she realized she was in her human form.

The wolves around her still howled to Tristan’s command. Even the four women who were leading the ceremony had shifted.

Brace yourself. Here we go again. A female voice she’d never heard before spoke in her head.

Before she questioned who it was, her body convulsed again. Oh hell. The wolf body was coming back.

It won’t hurt as much this time. That voice again.

Her change came faster brought on by the white light. Leah knew she wasn’t calling the white light to come so it must still be part of the ceremony Tristan had invoked when he’d called the pack to him.

He’s our Alpha. He calls and we come.

Still in the thralls of misery, she realized whom she heard. It was her wolf. Az had said he had one and now that she had one she supposed it was official—she was an actual wolf shifter. The whys and hows of this were going to have to be worked out later. For right now, all she could focus on was that her wolf—and what freaky concept that was—

had been correct. It didn’t hurt quite as much. That wasn’t to say it wasn’t uncomfortable.

By all things holy, it truly was. However, this time around, it was manageable, like going to the dentist, she knew it was going to hurt but she was going to live through the pain.

Grimacing as a wave of uncomfortable sensation floated up her arm, she tried to make a mental note that she had, at some point, gone to the dentist and knew what that experience was like.

As she stared in wonder, fur covered her body. It was the same colors as earlier, brown and white, except now it seemed so much more vibrant. The white looked less like dirty snow and more like the first flakes that fell on a cold winter’s night before they’d had a chance to be sullied by the ground. The brown was different too. She’d thought her fur had resembled the color of mud. This version looked more like chestnuts. All in all, for a wolf, it was a prettier presentation.

That’s because this is what I actually look like and not the idiotic facsimile those vile and disgusting people forced on us.

Leah was confused. You were with me then?

Her wolf laughed, a dainty little sound like those women from movies about Victorian England, it was more like a twittering than a full on laugh. Oh darling, I’ve always been with you and if we’d been raised as we should have been, then you would have known me much earlier.

Leah’s wolf form began to shift again. She groaned and her wolf assured her that it was the last switch. This time, although she was exhausted from the overall experience, she found she could endure and if she breathed through the light then it didn’t hurt at all.

Someday you might actually enjoy it.

That she was going to have to wait to see. As she regained her human figure, strong arms pulled her into a tight embrace. She opened one eye to see Az’s concerned expression above her.

“Tristan,” Az called behind her. “She’s burning up. Did that happen to you?”

“No.” There was movement behind her. “Gods only know what Dad did to her with all of his messing around. She shouldn’t have fever. Let’s bring her back to the house.”

“I’ve got you, Leah. We’re going to take care of you now.”

Although her arm now felt like it weighed a ton, she raised it and touched his cheek.

“What? No more she-wolf?”

He smiled and smoothed the hair off her forehead. “Did you actually like that?”

Her hearing was different outside of her wolf body. It felt strange to hear his voice this way. Az sounded gentler; his intonation held a timbre that spoke of warmth and longing. It sent shivers up her spine. Or, she wondered, maybe that was just the fever she evidently had.

I think we need to sleep now.

“Can you hear her, Az?”

He shook his head. “Hear who?”

“My wolf. She talks to me.”

“No, I can’t hear her, Leah, only you will ever be able to do that. Good or bad she entirely belongs to you.”

The next time Leah opened her eyes darkness assaulted her senses. It had been midday when she’d passed out and now, clearly, it was nighttime. Her last coherent memory was of being in Az’s arms and now she was sprawled out in a soft bed. She wanted to roll around from the sheer joy of the sensation. When was the last time she hadn’t been in a cage?

A cool rag touched her forehead and a woman’s face loomed over hers stealing her gaze from the nothingness of the darkness in the room. “That feels better, doesn’t it? He can stop pacing now.”

The woman cleared her throat. “I’m Jana. We met briefly out on the field. Not that I’d expect you to remember, there was a lot going on.”

The woman’s dark hair was cut in a severe bob that ended exactly at the edge of her chin. Leah took a second to contemplate exactly how Jana achieved that level of perfection with her hair before she realized Jana expected a response. Truth was, Leah knew she had much to say to this woman in particular.

“Az told me I tried to hurt you. I’m so sorry about that. Every once in a while, I’m overcome with the desire to do things that are not my own idea.”

“My mate might disagree with me on this subject but I’ll just say that actually we owe you a debt of gratitude.” Jana pulled the cloth off her forehead. “If things hadn’t happened as they did, we might still be in New York, me trying not to mate him and Malcolm would be out of his mind confused with how to deal with me.”

“So, my being part of a pack of all but insane wolves was a good thing for you?”

Jana nodded. “In the long run.” The small woman chewed on her lip. “Az has made himself nuts worrying about you. He’s in the basement of the building, muttering to himself about infections, suppressed immune systems, and cursing magic to the heavens. He has some sort of makeshift lab down there and he’s been desperately trying to concoct some kind of formula to help you. Ashlee and I felt that you’d probably be fine given a little rest, which you obviously are but he couldn’t be dissuaded from trying.” Jana smiled and Leah thought she might have seen some sadness in the other woman’s eyes.

“He was like that as a child too. If there was a problem, he needed to fix it.”

Leah tried to absorb the plethora of information she’d just been given. Az was trying to make her better, he was most likely making himself sick about, and Jana who looked to be about thirty years old was clearly older than that.

“How old are you exactly?”

Jana raised an eyebrow and cracked up laughing. “A lady never tells her weight or age. I may have just dated myself there. I’m a lot older than Malcolm and that’s all I’ll say.”

Leah swung her legs over the table and tested her feet on the floor. It was then she noticed she was dressed and, she was relieved to realize, so was Jana. Someone had put a pair of comfortable grey cotton sweat pants and a navy blue tee shirt on her after she’d passed out. Her feet seemed to be holding steady and she gave Jana a small grin. The other woman looked glamorous wearing black pants and a tight silver long sleeve turtleneck that tugged at all the right places. Of course, Jana might just be one of those women who looked that good all the time.

Mental note: clearly, she knew something about fashion.

“So tell me why all the women here are so gorgeous.”

Jana raised an eyebrow. “Have you looked in a mirror? How did you get all those colors in your hair? On someone else it might look odd but you are stunning.”

Leah followed Jana’s gaze to a mirror across the room. Forgetting her fears about falling over, she moved forward watching as her reflection got bigger the closer she got to her destination. In the picture, her hair had been streaked with dye—a reddish, purple color—but maybe it had been an out of date snapshot of her because the woman who stared back at her in the mirror had more than just that one shade illuminated in her hair.

The reddish, purple was there but also white, orange, and blue highlights danced back at her. Grabbing her locks in her hands, she wanted to shriek. Why had she done this? It was ridiculous. She closed her eyes in mortification.

“What’s the matter?”

Leah swallowed before she spoke but she never got a chance to answer as the door to the room swung open. The sound of Az’s voice had her opening her eyes.

“Any change?”

Jana indicated where Leah stood by the mirror. “As you can see.”

Nodding to both of them, Jana left the room. Leah eyed Az warily. What did he think of her external appearance? If she really was his ‘mate’ he must feel as if he was saddled with a giant mess not to mention the nightmare of being with someone who still couldn’t remember who they were.

His grin surprised her. “I’m so glad to see you up and about.” He moved forward, his gaze on her eyes; he reached out and touched her forehead. “Nice and cool. That’s a relief.”

“I’m sorry, I really don’t know why that happened and I still don’t know who I am.”

Stop apologizing. None of this is your fault. He knows that. She almost jumped at the sound of her wolf’s voice.

Az shook his head. “Don’t be ridiculous, you have nothing to be sorry for. Whatever is going on here, we’re going to have to get it figured out…one way or another.”

Leah narrowed her gaze, looking at Az. He really did look worn out. “Jana said you were in the lab in the basement. If there’s a lab here, why did you use the one below ground?”

“When we built the new structure, when Tristan and Ashlee designed it, they made room for a lab here for me. In my Dad’s days, there was never one anywhere where I could use. He got so sick of tripping over my quote “science shit” that he had that lab built for me to get me out of his way.”

Leah rolled her eyes. “Sounds like a real charmer, your dad.”

Az smiled, but it was mirthless. He touched a strand of her hair, a white strand, and she wanted to hide. “He could be. If he’d met you, under different circumstances, he would have known just what to say and do to get you to do what he wanted. Kendrick Kane knew how to charm the ladies…especially our mother who thought the sun rose and set with him. I, by contrast, have no idea what to say to you.”

See, you’re not the only one who is insecure.

“I like what you say to me, Az. I like it now and I liked it when I was walking around on all fours.”

He let go of her hair and looked at the floor, she followed his gaze where he seemed to be watching his feet. “Did you notice that your fur changed colors?”

She had. “It looked more vibrant to me.”

“It might do that again. Faith’s changed several times after her first shift. She started out all black and ended up brown and gold. We have no idea why that happened.”

Her wolf scoffed. I am much more secure than that. I pick colors and I stick with them.

Leah smiled. “My wolf seems to think that Faith’s furry one is insecure in her color selections.”

“So then it’s magic and nothing biological at all. I don’t know why I bother. I should assume all things in life are related to the ‘hoo-doo’ and leave it at that.”

She laughed. “I’m sure life is a little more complicated than that.”

His brown eyes met hers shining with amusement. “Guess I’m being a little bit dramatic, huh?”

“Just a tad.” She waited a bit before continuing. “Could you say something about it already?”

He grabbed her hand, stroking his index finger over her hand. “Something about what? You’re going to have to excuse me, I don’t always follow conversations the way I should. My head is always doing one hundred things at a time not to mention my wolf yammers on and on telling me all the things I’m doing wrong.”

“No, in this case, I assumed you were being nice not mentioning my mess.”

“What mess?”

She pulled her hand free and grabbed her hair. “My hair, Azriel, my multi-colored clown hair.”

“It does have more colors than it did in the picture but I don’t think it looks like clown hair. I think it’s beautiful, lovely, like a rainbow of colors.”

“It’s a disaster.” Tears filled her eyes. Why was this bothering her so much? She never would have guessed she was so superficial. No, it wasn’t that. It was just that doing that to one’s hair…it was a decision you consciously made. A statement of some intent that you wanted to express to the world and Leah had no idea what that statement was because she could not access the memories of the person who had decided to do that to herself. She had to live with the consequences but had no ability to understand the reasoning. If she had to be an oddball who couldn’t remember even what her birthday was or what color her childhood home had been then why couldn’t she blend into the wallpaper and not draw attention to herself?

“It fits with what I now know about you.” Az actually jumped from foot to foot. “We looked you up on the Internet while you weren’t feeling well. I guess technically I should say Rex looked you up. He’s the one who really does well with modern technology.”

She sighed. “And what does it say about me that I choose to wear my hair like a children’s cartoon character?”

He ran to a table and picked up some pages. She hadn’t noticed them sitting there.

How could she when her hair used up all the light in the room?

“There are all these articles about you from when you first went missing. Your father makes lots of pleas for your safe return. You’re their only child. Your mother died last year in a car accident.” He looked up from where he read. “I’m so sorry about that.”

Her mother was dead. She processed that information. Nothing, no reaction at all but then how could she? He was talking about a woman she did not know. “Thank you…go on.”

“He says that you are fun loving, sociable, charitable and kind.”

“Wow, I sound like a real saint.” If sarcasm dripped in her voice, she couldn’t help it. None of those things matched her own internal musings.

“It also says that you own several art galleries in Portland, Maine and Nashua, New Hampshire.”

“So, I’m an artist or I just display other people’s work?”

Either way it seemed to Leah that this other version of herself—the one who’d made the fateful decision to paint her head all the colors of the rainbow—obviously liked to show off. This didn’t sit well with her.

“I don’t know but either way it makes sense, right? You’re a creative person. Creative people do this sort of thing.” He motioned to her hair.

“No, people who are trying to be the center of attention do this ‘thing’ to themselves.” She’d had enough. Just the few minutes she’d spent dwelling on this was too much. “Until I know who she,” Leah pointed to the pages Az held, “is, then I get to decide what I do and do not do. And this,” she grabbed her hair, “has to go right now. Where is the nearest drugstore?”

“Off the island.” He looked between her and the door. She suddenly wondered if she was acting like a lunatic. Maybe he was considering making a break for it. “Do you want to go off-island right now?”

“Yes, right this very second.”

He ran a hand through his dark locks. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Because you didn’t want us to call your father yet and maybe you’ll be recognized by someone if you go out in public.”

He made a good point. “Do you think it’s smart? To call my father when I have no idea who he is?”

Yes, call him.

She smiled. She hadn’t been asking her wolf but it was nice to hear her opinion.

“I want to do whatever you want to, Leah, and I don’t mean now. I mean always.”

His voice was so low she had to strain to hear what he said. Goosebumps travelled up and down her arms. Here was a man who said so little to other people and yet to her he said the most wonderful things. She wished he would speak all the time.

She crossed to him grabbing his hand. “I have a wolf that speaks in my head now. Obviously, I have two bodies. I’m clearly a shifter. Am I your mate Az?”

“What does your wolf tell you, Leah?”

Am I his mate? She’d not tried speaking directly to the animal yet. Up until now it had always addressed her first.

You know you are. Why ask me silly questions?

“She says I am.”

He nodded. “That’s what mine says. Here’s the thing. Most of the pack accepts predestined stuff like they’re talking about what color underwear they want to choose that day.”

Visions of Az in his underwear filled her mind. She’d already seen him naked after the shifts. Still, the image of him in a pair of silk boxer shorts seemed more intimate, more personal like he would only show it to someone he was deeply connected to.

“And you don’t?” What was he saying? That he didn’t want her?

“I’m saying that even without my wolf—if I saw you walking down the street, holding a cup of coffee, with your beautiful skin like porcelain, your expressive eyes, and your hair that shows your unique vision of the world, I would follow you wherever you were going and spend weeks trying to figure out how to get you to speak to me. But you’d have a choice if you wanted to. I still want you to have that option.”

She smiled. Her intended held lots of self-confidence problems. They were going to have to do something about that.

“Az, I have no idea what I’d think and say. I have no idea who that person is. I know that standing here today, in front of you, with my new wolf hanging out in my head, I look at you and you are the most breathtaking man I’ve ever seen. I thought that way when I couldn’t speak aloud in my other wolf body. I saw the whole pack today and none of them—not one other man here—holds a candle to you. I—”

She never got a chance to finish what she wanted to say. His mouth came down on hers. Warm, soft, and inviting she closed her eyes and let the essence that was Azriel Kane fill her from the outside in. He pulled back, his lids heavy, desire evident in his gaze.

“In my whole life, Leah, no one has ever preferred me to any of them. Are you sure? I have so many eccentricities. I spend a lot of time living in my own thoughts.”

Reaching up, she kissed him. No one was going to criticize Az in front of her, not even Az.