What We Learned from This Morning’s Newspaper

14.

I suppose everything has to balance out. This morning before breakfast I went outside as usual to get the paper and it was sitting there in the bushes but it wasn’t the paper for Wednesday December 1 although this is in fact Wednesday December 1. What the newsboy gave me this morning was the paper for Monday November 22 which I never actually received the day of the first mixup.

That in itself wouldn’t be so bad. But this paper is full of stuff I don’t remember from last Monday. As though somebody had reached into last week and switched everything around, making up a bunch of weird events. Even though I didn’t get to see the Times that day I’m sure I would have heard about the assassination of the Governor of Missouri. And the earthquake in Peru that killed ten thousand people. And Mayor Lindsay resigning to become Nixon’s new Secretary of State. Especially about Mayor Lindsay resigning to become Nixon’s new Secretary of State. This paper has to be a joke.

But what about the one we got last week? How about those stock prices and the sports results?

When I get into the city this morning I’m going to stop off first thing at the New York Public Library and check the file copy of the November 22 Times. I want to see if the library’s copy is anything like the one I just got.

What kind of newspaper am I going to get tomorrow?