Warlord

Chapter 16

“The price of privilege is responsibility.”

I stayed my hand. Papa, no. I want—

But I heard Papa’s voice as he spoke those words, remembered the lessons at his knee. I saw the faces of the people of Xy, kneeling in the hallways as I’d walked through the castle. Remembered the babies’ faces and their cries as I’d delivered them from their mother’s body in the tents of the Plains.

Guilt washed over me. I was their queen. Even as I had pledged myself to Keir, I’d pledged myself to them as well. To lead them, protect them, to rule over them all.

I moaned, and started to sob all over again. I wanted to die. It would be so easy. I wanted Keir so badly, as Isdra had wanted Epor. I couldn’t imagine life without him. I squeezed my eyes shut as the tears welled up and rolled down my cheeks. The blade was cold against the thin skin of my wrist.

Except Isdra hadn’t made her choice, had she? Gathering Storm had forced one on her, hadn’t he.

Arrogant bastard.

Anger cut through my pain and grief. The warrior-priests and that bastard Iften had done this. Killed my Warlord, destroyed his plans and dreams for his people. They’d tried to kill me, to make sure that my skills were lost. They’d isolate their people from new ways and new ideas to preserve their power and position, at the cost of their people’s lives. They wouldn’t truly lead. Not like my Keir has.

Had.

My pain welled up again as I corrected myself.

But Keir’s dream wasn’t dead, so long as I lived. I frowned at the blade pressed against my skin. Reness had supported him, Osa had expressed interest. Even Liam might be looked to for support.

And Xy needed me, needed Keir’s dream, and a ruler who cared for her people.

I stared at the blade. It would be so easy.

And so selfish.

I closed my eyes, and rocked as my grief returned. It would be so hard without Keir with me. Long days of pain and loneliness. I couldn’t do this. It was too overwhelming.

So easy just to go.

I tried to wipe my nose on my sleeve. Besides, maybe Keir wanted me to join him. I puffed out a breath. Except he’d helped save me, hadn’t he? I shivered at the memory of my Keir, all silver in the moonlight, riding so far behind me.

The knife trembled in my hand.

If I did this, if I joined him in death, Keir’s dream and hope for his people died with me.

I took a long, deep breath.

I took another.

If I killed myself, those miserable, rotten, tattooed bastards would win. Iften, that murderous bastard, would win.

If I killed myself, our unborn child would die too.

Oh, Goddess.

I pulled the blade away from my wrist, and started to work it back under my sleeve.

My heart was broken. It felt as if my life was broken as well, shattered with his loss. I’d grieved for my fa ther’s death, but this was beyond any sorrow I’d ever felt. Part of my soul was gone, shriveled and black, a physical wound that would never heal.

I’d seen people live with pain, adapting to their injuries, re-building their lives. But it was never the same.

I’d never be whole again.

I would see to our peoples, as best I could. I would see to our child, if indeed I was pregnant. Only then would I join Keir in the snows.

And beyond.

I sat and contemplated my satchel. The sun hung high over my head. Those goat-like creatures had moved further down the stream, chortling and chuckling among themselves.

What was I going to do?

It was all very well to decide to live, to carry out Keir’s vision, but just how was I going to do that?

What did I want to do?

I pulled one of the long blades of grass, and played with it. What did I want?

I wanted Keir.

My tears threatened again, but I dashed them away. I needed to think, not weep.

I wanted to go back to Xy. It made no sense to stay on the Plains, especially if my status as Warprize was not going to be confirmed. With Keir gone, I wasn’t sure that was even possible anymore.

I wanted Keir.

My head snapped up, and I knew what I wanted. What I needed to do.

I wanted to go home. And I wanted to take Keir with me.

It made no sense, of course. To go back to the Heart of the Plains and demand the body of my Warlord? Goddess alone knew who survived that fight, who was in control. But even Iften had a degree of honor. I was almost certain that an unarmed woman would not be killed outright.

Almost certain.

I was going to return to the Heart of the Plains and claim my Warlord.

I used my sleeve again, to dry my eyes. If they’d burned him, I’d demand the ashes. I’d let Reness know that I’d heal any that came to me, and teach healing to anyone who wanted to learn. That keep by the border, the one that overlooked the Plains. We could rebuild it into a school of healing. Those of the Plains who came in peace would be welcome.

Yes. That was what I would do. But first, I was going to claim my Warlord, and find out what had happened in the Heart. Who lived? Who was in charge? Perhaps Rafe or Prest survived? They hadn’t been with the dead, but—

Marcus hadn’t been either.

I worried my lower lip with my teeth. If Marcus were dead, he’d be at Keir’s side; I’d no doubt of that. I tried to remember what I’d seen, if there’d been anyone with Keir. But he’d been so far back, and I’d been crying . . .

I wasn’t sure.

But there was a chance that Marcus lived.

I glared at the hapless blade of grass in my hands. I’d claim Keir’s body. I’d claim Marcus as well, dead or alive. I might just give what was left of the Council a piece of my mind, while I was at it.

I glanced over to see that Greatheart was napping, his head down, his hips cocked to the side. Poor old beast. He’d worn himself out carrying me to safety.

The more I thought about it, the more I knew this was what I had to do. I was going to go and find my Warlord and claim him for a final time. I’d take him back, to lie on the borders of our lands. I’d lie next to him, eventually. When the time came.

I started crying again, for what we’d lost. Our time together, the life we would have shared. The children we would have had, watching them grow, and having children of their own.

Goddess, Lady of Mercy and Light, please let me be pregnant.

My stomach rumbled again, and I reached back into the satchel for a few more pieces of gurt. I should conserve my supplies, but my stomach wanted gurt, and it wanted gurt now. I shrugged, and ate, following it with more of the water from the stream. That would have to hold me for a while.

I stood, slung my satchel over my shoulder, and brushed myself off. The sun was starting to move. If I was going to do this, I needed to set aside this pain for now. My grief could wait. I had to get moving.

I dug back into the satchel and took out some of those bandages to wrap around my hands. Greatheart woke with a snort as I tugged on his mane. It took me a while to get on, without a saddle, but he stood patiently as I pulled myself up.

Once mounted, I looked around and realized I didn’t have a clue how to get back to the Heart. There were no landmarks, no roads. The herds were not moving in any particular pattern that I could make out.

“Greatheart, take me back,” I asked.

His ears twitched, but he didn’t move.

“Home,” I tried.

Nothing.

“Back,” I tried again. “Return?”

Greatheart shook his head, and looked like he was falling back asleep.

“What am I going to do?” I asked.

The goats’ heads all popped up from the grasses around the stream, and they all looked off to the left. Greatheart looked in the same direction, and whinnied, as if in welcome.

A shiver went down my spine. Slowly, I turned my head.

There were four warriors on horseback, on the farthest ridge.

The hairs rose on the back of my neck. Even at this distance I could make out Epor’s smile, and Isdra’s braid. Gils’s mop of hair, and Keir . . .

Oh beloved.

His armor gleamed, the hilts of his two swords jutting over his shoulder.

I shuddered, even as my eyes filled with tears. The riders were colorless, somehow, as if the sunlight was going right through them. But clearly, Marcus was not there. That gave me a shred of hope, and that was enough for now.

Epor and Isdra disappeared behind the ridge. Keir lifted his arm, and gestured for me to follow. He and Gils disappeared, following Epor and Isdra out of sight.

I took a deep breath, and pointed Greatheart in that direction, and urged him into a trot.

“STOP!”

Greatheart snorted, and pulled up short. We’d been traveling for some time, trotting along on the path set for us by the dead. I’d only caught a few glimpses of them since we’d started out, always at a distance, al ways when I’d lost my sense of direction. But it had been a good hour since we’d seen them last.

Startled by the command, I looked over to the left and blinked in surprise. There was a mounted warrior, scowling fiercely at me, weapon at the ready. Her mount looked angry as well, stomping its foot. I’d have been terrified, except that the warrior wielded a wooden blade, and I had tunics that were older than the warrior. The girl was dressed in leathers, her hair pulled back in a braid. She looked fierce, and determined, but it was hard not to laugh right out loud at the child.

She was mounted on one of those furry goats.

I stifled my smile, for I’d no wish to offend. “Greetings, warrior.”

The girl swelled with pride. “I am Pive of the Snake, Warrior of the Plains, and Guardian of the Gurtle Herds,” she proclaimed in a ringing voice twice her size.

“Greetings, Pive of the Snake.” I inclined my head toward her. “I am—”

“You are an intruder! And my captive!” Pive waved her sword. Greatheart shied a bit, uneasy. I had visions of my shins taking a beating from that blade. “You must come with me, to my camp, and surrender to my warleader.”

“Who is your warleader?”

“Gilla of the Snake.” Pive’s face was screwed up with determination. “Surrender or die.”

I shrugged. “As you wish, warrior.”

Poor little Pive almost fell off her gurtle at the ease of her conquest. Her mouth gaped open, then she recovered and gave me a grin that ran from ear to ear. “Follow me!” She sheathed her sword, and tugged on the reins. “Hup! Hup!”

“MUWAPP!” the gurtle protested, but it turned and started off at a trot.

I could grin now. Pive’s legs were lost in the fat, fluffy fur, but her toes hung down, almost scraping the ground.

I urged Greatheart to follow my captor.

It didn’t take long. Over two rises and down along a ridge, I could see a tent close to a small pond, surrounded by gurtles.

Pive was overcome with her accomplishment. “Heyla!” she called, forcing her gurtle into a gallop.

The gurtle ran, but it complained the entire way. The gurtles of the herd all answered those complaints with their own, setting off a chorus that could probably be heard for miles.

The tent flap opened, and an older girl emerged, followed by a boy at least her age. Their weapons were metal, their faces grim.

“Pive! Stop this noise!” the girl called out, only to stop in her tracks at the sight of me on my horse. “Warprize!”

“No, Gilla! That’s my prize,” Pive said as she dismounted, and hopped up and down in her glee. Her mount shook itself all over, and then plopped down right where it was standing. Pive paid it no mind.

“My prize! I captured her!”

“Warprize?” the boy asked, his hand on the hilt of his sword.

“I saw her, in the Heart,” Gilla answered, moving toward me. “Our tents were near hers.” She looked up at me, frowning with concern. “Warprize, I am Gilla of the Snake. Please let me offer you the courtesy of our camp.”

Pive stamped her foot in frustration. “No, no. She can’t be the Warprize. She’s not stinky, she doesn’t have sores like a city-dweller. And she doesn’t breathe fire!”

“PIVE!” Gilla scolded. “Be silent!”

“Pive, come with me.” The boy extended his hand. “We need to cry the others in for the night.”

Pive’s face lit up. “El, you’ll let me warble?”

“I will.” El smiled. “Bring your mount so we can get him a drink.”

Pive took up the reins, and the gurtle stood. “Want to hear how I captured her?” Pive asked.

El gave us an amused look over his shoulder before turning to listen to Pive as they walked off.

Gilla gave me a wry smile. “I am sorry, Warprize. Pive meant no offense.”

“I took none.” I slid down from Greatheart’s back.

Gilla gestured to the fire. “Please come and sit. Have you eaten?”

Greatheart ambled down to the edge of the pond for a drink. I kept an eye on him, not wanting to lose my mount. Gilla poured kavage, and offered me a mug.

“No, thank you, Gilla.” I walked to the edge of her fire. A childish voice rose in a long warbling cry behind us.

“They call the other children in, for the evening meal,” Gilla explained. “You are more than welcome to spend the night.” She looked in the direction that I’d come from. “Do you travel alone?”

I had to admire her subtlety. “Yes.”

She gave me an intent look. “Something has happened, hasn’t it. In the Heart? We’ve had no news.”

I nodded. “Can you tell me how to get back there?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Warprize, I’d offer to guide you myself, but I cannot leave. I have duties—”

“The children and the herds.”

“Just so.” Gilla may have been all of twelve or thirteen, but she acted like a woman my age. “I could guide you in the morning.”

I shook my head. “No. I can’t wait. And it might be dangerous to be seen with me.”

She sighed. “Very well. You’ll need to make good time, to get to the Heart before dark.”

Greatheart walked back to my side, and stood next to me. I checked the wrappings on my hands and then mounted. She eyed me closely as I settled onto his back. “At least let me give you gloves, Warprize, to protect your hands.”

I shook my head. “No. I take nothing except from my Warlord’s hands. Just tell me how to get there.”

“Follow that ridge, until it meets with a river.” She pointed off to the left. “Then just follow the river downstream. You will mount a rise and see the Heart laid out before you, Warprize.” She looked up into my eyes. “May the skies favor you.”

“And you as well. Thank you for your courtesy, Gilla of the Snake.”

She inclined her head, and I urged Greatheart into a trot. I’d demands to make, and a Warlord to claim.

The Heart looked different somehow.

Greatheart and I paused at the top of the rise, to get our bearings. And to give me a chance to work up my courage. It looked different, and this time, it wasn’t the size, or the shifting of the tents. There, beyond the herds, it looked like the place was buzzing with activity. People moving everywhere.

There were pyres burning by the lake shore.

My heart started to race within my chest. I tucked my satchel up close to my body. Nervously, I checked the bandages that I’d wrapped around my hands. Then I took a deep breath and wrapped Greatheart’s coarse hair between my fingers.

Greatheart was prancing slightly, my nervousness affecting him. I leaned in close, and whispered in his ear, “Easy, boy. Nothing is going to come between me and my Warlord.”

Greatheart snorted, then shook his head as if in agreement, pawing at the ground.

I sat back up, and took a quick look behind me. The dead had not appeared since I’d left the children, but the way my skin crawled, I felt their eyes on me.

I turned back, taking a last long look at the tent city below me. It teemed with activity, warriors everywhere, tents being taken down. Best to do this before we were seen and stopped.

Or killed.

I took a deep breath, crouched down and then cried out, digging my feet into Greatheart’s ribs. “Heyla!” I urged Greatheart on with my legs. “Run, Greatheart! Run!”

Greatheart leaped forward, down the rise. The grass flew under us, and within a few breaths we were down into the herds that were between us and the Heart.

Horses parted to let us through, some even running briefly alongside. Greatheart galloped, his hooves tearing at the ground, running full out. I leaned forward, staying low, trying to be less of a target. “Heyla! Go! Go!” I urged.

The horses’s muscles bunched and flowed under me as he ran. I tried to remember to breathe, and tightened my grip on his mane.

That quickly, we were through the herd and in the tents, still running hard. I saw brief glimpses of gaping faces, astonishment frozen there for the instant before we passed. No brandished weapons.

Yet.

No matter. I wasn’t stopping for anything or anyone.

Shouts rose behind us, but we were moving too fast for any to interfere. Greatheart seemed to know where we were going, since he headed straight for the large Council tent. He ran right up to the entrance, sliding and rearing to a stop. I slid from his back, and then hesitated. I didn’t want to lose him now. I kept my hand on his mane, and started to walk. I needn’t have worried. The wonderful horse followed me right into the tent.

I had to blink, to let my eyes adjust to the dimness. The tent seemed full of people, the Elders on their tiers, warriors milling about. I took a few more steps and my presence cut through the noise like a knife. There was complete silence as Greatheart and I walked between the two fire pits.

Essa was there, seated on a stool. Battered and bruised, but he appeared whole. He was gaping at me, the Eldest Singer at a loss for words. Wild Winds was next to him, also looking worse for wear. “Xylara, Daughter of Xy, we thought you—”

“Stop.” My voice was hard, and only I knew how brittle it was. I was afraid I’d start sobbing, but my anger was white hot. “Your words are as nothing to me.”

Essa blanched, and dropped his eyes. Wild Winds closed his mouth.

I glared at them all, letting my eyes roam the tiers. “Your words hold no truth, no meaning, and I will not hear them.” I paused to take a breath. My knees were starting to tremble. Greatheart stood silently next to me, swishing his tail back and forth.

“I demand,” my voice cracked, but I kept talking. “I demand that you give me the body of Keir of the Cat, my Warlord.” Essa’s head came up and his mouth opened, but I cut him off. “I will take his body, and return to the Kingdom of Xy, with any who wish to travel with me.” I drew a shuddering breath. “I’ll give him to the earth, where the Plains meet the borders of Xy, so that he will be of both lands, forever.”

I straightened my back, and found the strength to continue. “I share Keir’s dream. I will heal any who ask it, be they of Xy or of the Plains.” My rage flared within me. “But I will not come before this Council again. Ever.”

Wild Winds stood, a bit unsteady on his feet. “Xylara.”

I focused my rage on him. “Give me my Warlord, you arrogant bastard.”

There was a commotion from behind me, the sound of running feet. I tensed, sure that I was about to be attacked.

“Lara!” It was Simus. He caught me in a hug. “Lara, we thought you dead!”

That did it. The barriers I’d built about my pain started to crumble. I wrapped my arms around Simus’s neck and clung for dear life. “Simus, I saw him die. I saw Keir die.”

Simus pulled back a bit, head down to look into my eyes. He looked exhausted, as if he hadn’t slept. “Lara? But—”

I didn’t want to break down in front of the Council, but I couldn’t stop my tears. “I was on Greatheart, and he was running, but I looked back and saw Keir die. Then he and Epor and Isdra were there, and they helped me escape.”

“You saw the dead?” Essa’s voice was hushed. The tent was so silent, I heard Wild Winds gasp. “They aided you?” Essa continued, his voice filled with wonder.

“Gils too. Keir rode with the dead, Simus.” I ignored everything else except Simus’s kind dark eyes. “My beloved is . . .” My voice cracked, and Simus drew me in close and wrapped his arms around me. “Simus, take me to him.” I spoke into his leather armor. “Take me to Keir. Please?”

There was another commotion, the sound of warriors running into the tent. I didn’t bother to look, just hugged Simus and waited for him to speak.

“Little Healer.” Simus’s voice rumbled in my ear. He pulled back, and put his hands on my shoulders. “You gave me back my life in Xy, when you healed my leg.” His tired eyes sparkled and he gave me a gentle, knowing smile. “Let me give you back yours, eh?”

With that, he gently turned me around to face the entrance.

Keir stood there, out of breath, his mouth open, staring at me as if he’d seen a ghost.