Vessel

29

THE STAIRWELL WAS the first thing that came into focus, and Catherine staggered backward, staring down at the step below her feet as if she’d never seen a step before. Her hands were clenched in Cal’s shirt. There was blood on his face. “Oh my God.” She let him go and took several steps back.

“Catherine?” Cal stepped toward her, his hands out. “Can you hear me?”

“What did I do?” she asked. Everything was vague and fuzzy. She was at Johnson; she could see that much. The clearest thing was the sense of urgency that she had to—she had to—but whatever it was, it was gone. Cal was looking at her with faint horror, and from the way her knuckles ached, she was sure she was the cause of the blood on his cheek. “What did I do?”

“Nothing. You—you tried. But I stopped you.” He reached for her as he got closer, and it took an act of will for her not to step away.

“I hurt you.”

He touched his cheek absently and winced. “You’ve got a good right hook on you. I think you might’ve cracked a molar.”

“I’m so sorry—”

“Shh. No. It’s okay. You didn’t know what you were doing.” He slipped an arm around her and they started back up the stairs.

“You knew what I was doing, though.” She stopped at the top of the stairs and looked at him. “How bad is it?”

He didn’t look at her; instead, he opened the fire door for them to go through.

“Cal. You’re gonna have to tell me sooner or later.” The longer he was silent, the worse things got in her head. What had she done?

“I know; hang on.” He went to his office, expecting her to follow. She did, though she felt unsteady on her feet.

Once in his office, he closed the door behind them. “I’m about to break the law, but really, I can argue that you already broke it, and on some level you already know what I’m about to tell you anyway.”

Catherine resisted the urge to grab him and shake him. The tension was growing unbearable. “What are you talking about? Tell me!”

“I’m talking about the documents you accessed when you broke into Aaron’s office. They contained instructions on how to destroy a Sagittarius mission ship remotely.”

She opened her mouth to interrupt.

“Hang on,” he said, raising a hand. “It was a fail-safe, in case the ship picked up anything that was a threat to Earth. Top secret for a reason, obviously.”

“And you didn’t tell any of us? Cal, I was on that ship, and someone could have—”

“Ava knew,” Cal said quietly. “John Duffy knows. No one else needed to. Chances are so remote that we’ll ever need to use it, we decided there was no need to worry the entire crew.”

“But Jesus, are you saying that I…” The full import of it hit her. Her knees wobbled, and Cal pushed a chair behind her, easing her down into it. “I almost killed them?” She couldn’t say it above a whisper.

“You didn’t, though. You didn’t enter the third code.” He knelt beside the chair and took her hands. “You didn’t. I stopped you. You stopped you.”

“But how did you know I was going to do it?” Her eyes stung.

Cal looked down before he answered. He was debating a lie, so it must be bad. His shoulders dropped and he looked her in the eyes. “It was pure luck. I realized what you’d been looking at that night, and you didn’t answer your phone when I called. I got paranoid. I knew you’d have to start in Aaron’s office and then mine, then Mission Control—so I started looking.”

Catherine started to shudder. She’d— she’d almost— oh God. Cal rose up on his knees and put his arms around her.

“Shh,” he said, and lowered her head to his shoulder. She stared blankly at his office wall, unable to accept his comfort. He held on to her for several minutes, until her shaking stopped, then he helped her to her feet and out the door. He made sure to lock his office door behind him. “Let’s get you home, okay? We’ll figure this out, I promise. You’re not in this alone anymore.”