Unravel Me

FIFTY-NINE

I jump up, frantic, and tell Warner I’ll be right back.

I’m saying don’t leave yet, don’t go anywhere just yet I’ll be right back but I don’t wait for his response because I’m on my feet and I’m running toward the lighted hallway and I almost slam right into Adam. He steadies me and pulls me tight, so close, always forgetting not to touch me like this and he’s anxious and he says, “Are you okay?” and “I’m so sorry,” and “I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” and “I thought you’d come down to the medical wing,” and “it wasn’t your fault, I hope you know that—”

It keeps hitting me in the face, in the skull, in the spine, this knowledge of just how much I care about him. How much I know he cares about me. Being close to him like this is a painful reminder of everything I had to force myself to walk away from. I take a deep breath.

“Adam,” I ask, “is Kenji okay?”

“He’s not conscious yet,” he says to me, “but Sara and Sonya think he’s going to be okay. They’re going to stay up with him all night, just to be sure he makes it through in one piece.” A pause. “No one knows what happened,” he says. “But it wasn’t you.” His eyes lock mine in place. “You know that, right? You didn’t even touch him. I know you didn’t.”

And even though I open my mouth a million times to say, It was Warner. Warner did it. He’s the one who did this to Kenji, you have to get him and catch him and stop him he is lying to all of you! He’s going to escape tomorrow! I don’t say any of it and I don’t know why.

I don’t know why I’m protecting him.

I think part of me is afraid to say the words out loud, afraid to make them true. I still don’t know whether or not Warner is really going to leave or even how he’s going to escape; I don’t know if it’s even possible. And I don’t know if I can tell anyone about Warner’s ability yet; I don’t think I want to explain to Adam that while he and the rest of Omega Point were tending to Kenji, I was hiding in a tunnel with Warner—our enemy and hostage—holding his hand and testing out his new power.

I wish I weren’t so confused.

I wish my interactions with Warner would stop making me feel so guilty. Every moment I spend with him, every conversation I have with him makes me feel like I’ve somehow betrayed Adam, even though technically we’re not even together anymore. My heart still feels so tied to Adam; I feel bound to him, like I need to make up for already having hurt him so much. I don’t want to be the reason for the pain in his eyes, not again, and somehow I’ve decided that keeping secrets is the only way to keep him from getting hurt. But deep down, I know this can’t be right. Deep down, I know it could end badly.

But I don’t know what else to do.

“Juliette?” Adam is still holding me tight, still so close and warm and wonderful. “Are you okay?”

And I’m not sure what makes me ask it, but suddenly I need to know.

“Are you ever going to tell him?”

Adam pulls back, just an inch. “What?”

“Warner. Are you ever going to tell him the truth? About the two of you?”

Adam is blinking, stunned, caught off guard by my question. “No,” he finally says. “Never.”

“Why not?”

“Because it takes a lot more than blood to be family,” he says. “And I want nothing to do with him. I’d like to be able to watch him die and feel no sympathy, no remorse. He’s the textbook definition of a monster,” Adam says to me. “Just like my dad. And I’ll drop dead before I recognize him as my brother.”

Suddenly I’m feeling like I might fall over.

Adam grabs my waist, tries to focus my eyes. “You’re still in shock,” he says. “We need to get you something to eat—or maybe some water—”

“It’s okay,” I tell him. “I’m okay.” I allow myself to enjoy one last second in his arms before I break away, needing to breathe. I keep trying to convince myself that Adam is right, that Warner has done terrible, awful things and I shouldn’t forgive him. I shouldn’t smile at him. I shouldn’t even talk to him. And then I want to scream because I don’t think my brain can handle the split personality I seem to be developing lately.

I tell Adam I need a minute. I tell him I need to stop by the bathroom before we head over to the medical wing and he says okay, he says he’ll wait for me.

He says he’ll wait for me until I’m ready.

And I tiptoe back into the dark tunnel to tell Warner that I have to leave, that I won’t be coming back after all, but when I squint into the darkness I can’t see a thing.

I look around.

He’s already gone.