Unascended

Chapter One

Rodney McKay frowned down at his coffee, which had grown ice cold since the beginning of an interminable meeting with Radek Zelenka to plan the science department’s schedule. He drank it anyway. There were only a few more hours of lab time left to fill with maintenance and other people’s questionably necessary research, and then at least he could get more coffee.

“So we are on systems maintenance for Friday afternoon,” Radek prompted.

“Friday, right. We can finish testing the power conduits for damage that might have resulted from flying the city, although given that it’s been weeks, any actual significant damage would already have shown itself in the city’s power consumption by now, so ultimately that’s one more pointless exercise.”

Radek pushed his glasses up his nose in obvious frustration. “Tell me, Rodney, is there anything on this week’s schedule that you are in favor of our doing? You are the one setting the schedule, so to complain about it at the same time seems more than a little perverse. What do you want us to do?”

“I think we ought to look for Elizabeth.”

He hadn’t known that was what he wanted to do until he said it, but the words crystallized the sense he’d been having these last few weeks that they were wasting time, letting it pour through their fingers in some way that he hadn’t been able to articulate but that he was sure that they’d regret.

There was a lengthy silence before Radek replied, and when he did he seemed to be choosing his words very carefully. “Rodney, Elizabeth Weir is dead.”

“I remember what happened to Elizabeth. I’m not an amnesiac. Or crazy.”

“Anymore.”

“I don’t have amnesia anymore, and according to Carson, physically I’m in perfect health and almost 100 percent human again—”

“You still have the white hair.”

“I’ve been thinking of dying it, actually, I’ve been considering Grecian Formula for Men — and you know what, never mind the hair, that’s not the point. My point is, I am feeling much better. And I was never crazy, I was brainwashed and medically transformed into a Wraith.”

“You nearly killed me.”

“Yes, but I didn’t.”

“You let the Wraith into Atlantis.”

“Yes, and I’m sure that it will really help me to deal with my traumatic guilt about the things that I did while I had amnesia for everyone to keep constantly reminding me.”

“All I am saying is that you have been through a great deal.”

“I know what I saw,” Rodney said doggedly. “When I was in that puddle-jumper headed into the sun, out of reach of anybody’s transport beams, Elizabeth saved me. She appeared in the jumper and transported me aboard the Hammond. The only way she could have done that was if she weren’t dead, but Ascended. And what do we know is the one rule for Ascended beings?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “They’re not supposed to interfere in the affairs of unascended beings. Or they get kicked out of the higher plane. That’s what happened to Dr. Jackson when he was Ascended.”

“You think she is out there somewhere, having, what … unascended?” Radek shook his head slowly. “Rodney, we all understand that you have been having a difficult time—”

“Fine.” Rodney slammed down his coffee cup with a thud. “I’m going to go get Woolsey to authorize the gate team to do something about the problem. Since you’re not on the gate team anymore, you can finish the maintenance schedule. You don’t need me for that.”

“Yes, because scheduling is not entertaining and therefore does not require your genius,” Radek said. He sounded relieved that they were back to bickering about the schedule.

“I’m going to see Woolsey,” Rodney said, and stalked out.

Woolsey steepled his fingers. “Dr. McKay. As much as I would like to believe that Dr. Weir somehow survived being frozen in the vacuum of space—”

“In the body of a Replicator,” Rodney said. “So being frozen in space wouldn’t actually have killed her, just rendered her completely incapable of any kind of movement or thought.”

“Which raises the question of how she could possibly have Ascended while in that state.”

“Maybe it doesn’t require conscious thought. Maybe it’s more of a Zen thing. And, all right, as far as we know it requires certain brainwaves that a frozen Replicator body probably doesn’t have, but maybe something happened to unfreeze her, or maybe there’s a way around that, I don’t know. I suggest we find her and ask her.”

“Even granting the possibility,” Woolsey said slowly, “do you have any evidence whatsoever to support the idea that this is what actually happened?”

“Someone transported me off that puddle-jumper,” Rodney said. “The Hammond was out of range, and Sam says that they couldn’t and didn’t transport me aboard.”

“Consider the possibility that the Hammond’s transport logs could be in error. The ship was actively engaged in battle and had taken considerable damage at that point.”

“They were still out of range.”

“Even so, isn’t it possible that the transport beam might have worked at an abnormal range as a result of the sun’s radiation, or some other unusual circumstance—”

“No,” Rodney said flatly. “That’s not how it works. Ask Carter. She’ll tell you that there’s no way that radiation interference could radically alter the capabilities of the Asgard transport beams that way, let alone do it at the perfect moment to save my life.” He hesitated, and then added, “And she believes me about Elizabeth.”

“I could ask Colonel Carter, if she weren’t on her way back to the Milky Way galaxy with the Hammond.”

“So ask her when she gets there. And in the mean time, we need a plan for how we’re going to get out there and …” He trailed off at Woolsey’s expression.

“Dr. McKay,” Woolsey said. “I’m absolutely certain that you understand that I can’t take Colonel Sheppard and his team off their current list of priorities in order to conduct a search for someone we don’t know is actually missing.”

“So find out. Let us dial the space gate where we sent Elizabeth and the other Replicators and see if she’s still there. If she is, then … then we know that, and if she isn’t, then she has to have gone somewhere.”

“All right,” Woolsey said after a moment. “I’ll send Major Lorne’s team to search the area around the gate.”

“Even accounting for drift, it’s a reasonable area to search. If they’re there, Lorne should be able to find them. And if they’re not, if she’s not—”

“With all due respect, Dr. McKay, suppose we cross that bridge when we come to it.” Woolsey considered him from across the desk. “I understand that you feel ready to return to your usual duties, but considering what you’ve been through—”

“I am fine,” Rodney snapped. “Let me know when Lorne doesn’t find her.”

“I will let you know as soon as I hear anything,” Woolsey said, which was unfortunately hard to argue with.

“You do that,” Rodney said. “I’m going to go ask Sheppard what he thinks.”

“I think you’ve been under a lot of pressure lately,” John said. He was leaning on the balcony looking out over the slate blue sea, the chilly wind whipping the swells into whitecaps and sending them breaking against the pier. Their current planet was colder than either of the previous two, and although it wasn’t actually snowing at the moment, the weather still felt wintry.

“Will you stop saying that? I am not crazy.”

“I didn’t say you were,” John said. “I’ve been in the ‘hallucinating dead people’ place myself, so I haven’t exactly got room to judge. You just need some time to get over this.”

“What connection do you see between having been turned into a Wraith and seeing Elizabeth appear out of thin air to save my life?”

“I think you might have been under just a little bit of stress,” John said. “Remember the time when you were trapped in a submerged puddle-jumper and you hallucinated Carter in a bathing suit?”

“The life support systems were failing. I was hypoxic.”

“And that’s nothing like how you were hypoxic when you appeared in the Hammond’s medical bay, right?”

“It was Elizabeth,” Rodney said. “She was real. We have to go find her.”

“Look,” John said, his tone growing grim. “No one wanted to save Elizabeth more than I did. If there were any way to get her back, we would have already done it. We don’t leave our people behind.”

“I know that.”

“So you ought to know we did everything we could. You can’t let some kind of hallucination—”

“It was not a hallucination. I dreamed about her, when I still thought I was a Wraith. I wasn’t hypoxic then.”

“And dreaming about dead people is a sure sign that they’re alive, right? Listen to yourself, McKay.”

“Something transported me aboard the Hammond. And don’t say it was the Hammond’s transport beams having some strange malfunction unless you know more about Asgard engineering than me and Sam put together.”

“No one is putting you and Carter together.”

“Yes, very funny. My point stands.”

“Maybe you figured something out. That’s what you do. You come up with these last-ditch solutions to save our asses when things go wrong. So, you came up with some way to transport yourself off the jumper, but then because you were hypoxic, you didn’t remember what you’d done.”

“I would remember if I’d broken about ten laws of physics.”

“If you say so, McKay.”

“You don’t believe me,” Rodney said.

John turned to look at him, no humor at all now in his eyes. “Elizabeth’s gone,” he said. “I don’t know if you blame yourself—”

“Of course I blame myself, I’m the one who reprogrammed the DHD to transport her into space.”

“Which she knew. It was the only way.”

“I know that.”

“I know you know that. And I know that you feel bad about some of the things you did when you were a Wraith, which I don’t blame you for, because you had amnesia. But maybe that’s, I don’t know, bringing up some feelings—”

“Are you trying to psychoanalyze me? Don’t make me laugh. You are the last person on the planet who is qualified for that.”

“Pretty much,” John agreed, sounding a little relieved. “You know, maybe you should talk to Teyla. She’s better at dealing with …”

“Crazy people who hallucinate dead friends rescuing them?”

“That kind of thing,” John said.

Rodney ran into Ronon first, clearly on his way back from the gym, with a towel thrown over his shoulder and a stick in hand. He looked cheerful, like he’d been beating up Marines.

“Have you seen Teyla?”

“She went to take Torren to New Athos. He was going to spend the weekend with Kanaan. She should be back by now, though.” Ronon looked at him cautiously. “You’re not having more Wraith problems, are you?”

And that was still a bit of a sore subject; Ronon had come pretty close to killing Rodney with a weapon that would have destroyed everyone with Wraith genetics, and Rodney had come pretty close to feeding on Ronon while he was still physically a Wraith. As far as he could tell, they were dealing with both of those using the traditional Atlantis method known as “let us never speak of this again.”

“All better now,” he said, with what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “Except for the hair, which is a problem I can deal with.”

“You could dye it.”

“I’m thinking about that.” Ronon was headed in the same direction as Teyla’s quarters, so Rodney hurried his own steps to keep up with him. “I think Elizabeth was the one who saved me from the puddle-jumper,” he said, because Ronon already thought he was strange, and at least he wasn’t likely to try amateur psychotherapy. “I think she Ascended.”

“Could be,” Ronon said.

Rodney stopped, and then had to trot to keep up with him. “You don’t think I’m crazy?”

Ronon shrugged. “Stranger things have happened.”

“So you think she could be out there somewhere?”

“I don’t know. I’m not really the person to ask.”

“Yes, I know Dr. Jackson is still here, but the two of us haven’t exactly worked smoothly together in the past, and I’m not sure I really need his help with this.”

“I was thinking more like some kind of priest. Your people have those, right? Or maybe you should talk to Teyla. She knows more about that spiritual stuff. She meditates, and everything.”

“I was actually looking for Teyla.”

“Good plan,” Ronon said.

Teyla poured him a cup of tea. Rodney would have preferred coffee, but it didn’t seem like the moment to insist.

“I dreamed about Elizabeth,” he said. “When I was a Wraith, when I couldn’t even remember that I was human, let alone remember my own name, she helped me. And then she appeared in the puddle-jumper. That wasn’t a hallucination. It was the real Elizabeth, and she had Ascended.” He spread his hands defensively. “All right, let’s get the part where you tell me I’m crazy out of the way.”

“Why would I say that?”

“Everyone else thinks so. Except maybe Ronon, but who knows what he really thinks.”

“I have dreamed of Elizabeth too,” Teyla said seriously.

“You have?”

Teyla nodded. “I dreamed that she spoke to me and showed me things that helped me. I believe that she has become a guardian for her people here in Atlantis, that she watches over us as one of the Ancestors and protects us. Perhaps she Ascended, or perhaps that is part of what happens beyond death. But I believe that she helped you.”

“All right, good, someone believes me. Now all we have to do is figure out how to find her,” Rodney said.

Teyla put her head to one side. “Find her?”

“Ascended beings aren’t supposed to interfere. She even told me that she knew she’d get in trouble for it. If they’ve sent her back as a human, she’s out there somewhere. She wouldn’t know Atlantis’s current gate address even if she was trying to come home. I’ve asked Woolsey to authorize a search, but he’s dragging his feet about it.”

Teyla poured herself another cup of tea before she answered. “I believe Elizabeth is trying to tell you something, but you may need to look deeper to understand her message.”

“What do you mean?”

“If you feel the need to look for Elizabeth, perhaps you should try looking within. If you meditate, and open yourself to hearing the voices of your ancestors and guardians, you may find her there.”

“I am not talking about a spiritual experience,” Rodney said. “I’m talking about contact with someone on another plane of existence.” Teyla looked at him as if that didn’t make perfect sense. “She was there,” Rodney said. “Not as a voice or a guardian spirit or anything mystical. She was right there in the jumper with me, just like we’re sitting here right now, and she saved my life.”

“I am sure that you saw her there,” Teyla said patiently. “And I believe she did save your life, by helping you find a way to save yourself.”

“I didn’t transport myself off the jumper,” Rodney said. “There is no possible way I could have done that.”

“You have said yourself that the Ancestors knew far more about their technology than we do,” Teyla said. “Elizabeth may have learned things about it that we still have not discovered.”

“There is nothing you can do with a puddle-jumper’s systems that we haven’t figured out by now. And if there is, the Hammond would have detected the transport. I wouldn’t have just appeared.”

“There is another possibility,” Teyla said. “You came very close to Ascending yourself once.”

“Only because an Ancient device had given me superpowers and I thought was going to die if I didn’t,” Rodney said.

Teyla nodded encouragingly. “Is it not possible that under great duress, you rediscovered within yourself some of the same abilities—”

“So why this time, and not during any of the other terrifying near-death experiences I have on an all-too-regular basis?”

“Perhaps because this time Elizabeth was there to guide you.”

“If you believe that, why don’t you believe she’s out there for us to find?”

“I believe that people we loved may watch over us and guide us,” Teyla said. “But the dead are still dead. They do not simply … come back.”

“Daniel Jackson did.”

“Then perhaps you should ask him what he experienced.”

“I was afraid you’d say that,” Rodney said.

Daniel cleared a chair of books, which made it possible for Rodney to actually sit down. “Sorry about the mess,” he said. He waved a hand at his tablet, which was lying on the coffee table still scrolling lines of Ancient text. “I’m reading up on everything we know about early Ancient settlement in the Pegasus Galaxy. I appreciate your team helping me investigate some of the settlement sites.”

“Woolsey ordered us to,” Rodney said.

Daniel’s voice grew dryer. “Yes, I knew that, but I thought we were being polite.”

“Let me start over,” Rodney said. “What do you know about Ascension?”

Daniel leaned back in his chair and considered him. “More than most people. Why do you ask?”

“I think Dr. Weir may have Ascended,” Rodney said. “When I was a Wraith, she appeared to me and spoke to me. And then when I was going to die, she appeared and saved my life. But she seemed to think she was going to be in big trouble for that. Like the kind of trouble where you get kicked out of a higher plane of existence.”

“It’s possible,” Daniel said. “I’m told that while I was Ascended — the first time — I appeared to some of my friends when they were in bad situations. And then when I tried to interfere more directly, I got kicked out. But I don’t remember much about what that was actually like.”

“You just appeared somewhere, right?”

“Yes, and that’s something that you could ask your allies if they’ve heard anything about. Naked amnesiacs don’t show up in the middle of somebody’s field every day.”

“How serious amnesia are we talking about?”

“I had no idea who I was or where I came from,” Daniel said. “I could talk, and I remembered some skills, but most of it was just … flashes, images. Nothing that made sense. Even after SG-1 found me, it took some time for everything to come back. Of course, it may not have helped that I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted everything to come back. In some ways it was restful having a break from remembering everything that had ever happened to me.”

“She may not even remember that she’s looking for Atlantis. We’ve got to find her.”

“All right. How?”

“I was hoping you’d have some ideas about that,” Rodney said, as humbly as possible.

Daniel drummed his fingers on the table for a minute. “When Oma sent me back, I think she wasn’t supposed to send me home. I was supposed to start a new life that didn’t involve causing any more trouble. But she put me somewhere that SG-1 was going to come sooner or later, because it was a possible site of Atlantis, which we were still looking for at the time.”

“She cheated?”

“Never play poker with Oma Desala. Now, we don’t know what Dr. Weir’s situation is. We don’t even know for certain that she was forced to unascend. But it’s possible that she, or whoever returned her to human form, wanted her to be found.”

“Meaning what?”

“Meaning that your best chance of finding her is probably to continue doing whatever you were planning to do, and to keep your eyes open. I’m assuming that if she’d appeared on New Athos, you’d have heard about it by now.”

“They all knew Elizabeth.”

Daniel nodded. “I only met her briefly, but she was a remarkable person. I’d like to think you’re right.”

“As long as you don’t think I’m crazy.”

“Why does it bother you that people might think you’re crazy? I mean, I’m pretty much used to it. Pyramids built by aliens, it was never a popular theory.”

“That’s you,” Rodney said. “I’ve always—” He was interrupted by his headset radio.

“Dr. McKay, this is Woolsey. Major Lorne has just reported back.”

“And?”

“I’m very sorry, Dr. McKay. Dr. Weir’s Replicator body was located along with the other Replicators. It appears to still be entirely inert.”

“Dead. You mean dead.”

“I am sorry.”

“Yes, well, so am I,” Rodney muttered, and he switched off his headset.

“Bad news?” Daniel said.

“They found Elizabeth,” Rodney said. “Still floating frozen in space. So there goes that theory, right? Chalk the whole thing up to an incipient and well-deserved psychotic break.”

“I don’t know,” Daniel said slowly. “I don’t want to give you too much hope—”

“You know what, excessive optimism has never really been a problem of mine.”

“Okay, then. The body that’s floating in space isn’t Elizabeth’s original body. Her consciousness had already been separated from that body, in a state that allowed it to exist in subspace, and then to inhabit a new Replicator body. Yes?”

“As far as we understand, yes.”

“So, it’s possible that the part of her that makes her Elizabeth could have Ascended, and not taken the Replicator body with her. I think the physical body goes with you in the first place because you’re used to thinking of it as part of yourself. But this was a new body for Elizabeth. She may not have identified herself with the body that way.”

“And there’s no way of knowing if Elizabeth is still in there, because we can’t risk thawing her out and asking her,” Rodney said.

“I don’t expect Woolsey’s going to authorize that,” Daniel said. “Not to mention that if she is in there, it would be pretty cruel to put her through being woken up when you still don’t have a solution for her problem.”

“Believe me, we’ve tried to come up with something,” Rodney said. “But if she didn’t Ascend, there’s nothing we can do that will make it safe to unfreeze her. She’s essentially dead, and she’s going to stay that way.”

“So let’s keep our eyes open,” Daniel said. “And keep doing what we’d be doing if we weren’t looking for Elizabeth, and hope she finds us.”

“That’s fair enough,” Rodney said. “Of course, that means that we’re going to be doing exactly what you wanted us to do in the first place.”

“As you pointed out, that’s what Woolsey already ordered you to do.”

“Great. Let’s go look for Ancient installations.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Daniel said.

She lay in the tall grass, feeling it itch along her skin, and opened her eyes. Shadow. She lay face down, her head pillowed on her arm, and turned her head. She lay in a field of flowers. Golden stars surrounded her, deep in the tall grass, while above the largest stalks great pink flowers raised their heads to the sun, their centers black with seeds. They were no flowers she knew, nothing she had a name for. The sun was warm on her back and she lay in a field of flowers.

The sun was warm. Where had she been that it was so cold? Why couldn’t she remember? Perhaps it didn’t matter much.

There were the sounds of voices, children’s voices raised in song, the deeper voices of adults. They sounded happy. That was good. It was good for people to be happy on such a lovely day.

There were the sounds of running feet, and then they stopped. A child’s voice sang out very close at hand. “Gran! Gran, come quick! There’s a naked lady here!”

More footsteps. A woman’s voice. “Kyan, get back. Go to your father.”

A hand touched her neck from behind, careful fingers gentle as they felt her throat. Checking for a pulse. She knew that gesture, and she opened her hand against the earth.

“Ah.” A woman’s voice, then a man further away.

“Kyan, come here.”

“She’s alive,” the woman said.

She wanted to answer, but the words stuck in her throat.

Careful hands lifted her, turning her over, the sun unbearably bright on her face. “Can you hear me?” the woman asked.

A shadow, the man bending over. ‘I don’t see any blood. Is she hurt?”

Something settled around her shoulders, a cape of soft feathers. She opened her eyes.

An old woman bent over her, concerned brown eyes peering at her face. “Can you speak?”

“I…think so.” Her voice was hoarse, as if from disuse.

The cape settled around her, bright green feathers smelling like sunshine and some deeper scent of resin, covering her nearly to the knees.

The man held a little boy by the hand, the boy watching her curiously. Behind were other people and a three wheeled cart pulled by a pair of large dogs. The men’s heads were shaved except for the child, each carrying packs or bundles. “Where did you come from?” the man asked.

“Child, can you stand?” the old woman asked.

She took the offered hand, getting slowly to her feet. All around them stretched a plain of wild grass, a prairie filled with wildflowers. “Where am I?”

“Along the route to Iaxila,” the man said. “Were you lost from a caravan?” He looked at the old woman worriedly. “There haven’t been bandits on this route for a long time, but…”

The old woman held her hand gently. “You’ve fallen in among honest people. We won’t hurt you, I promise. The Ancestors charge us to treat the stranger as our own. What terrible thing happened to you?”

She stood in the bright sun, her hand in the old woman’s, looking across the grass from horizon to horizon, and no words came. No thoughts. They ran away like water, any moment before this. “I don’t remember,” she said.

They camped that night on the open plains, their fire small compared to the fires above. The sky was thick with stars, a wash of them across the eastern sky illuminating almost to twilight. There was a stew of grains and dried meat, some folded dried fruits passed hand to hand. She sat in the clearing where the tall grass had been cut for the fire, her hands around the hollowed gourd that held her stew.

They had found clothes for her, baggy trousers that tied at waist and ankles, a tight fitting top of knitted wool dyed in all the green shades of new growth, as though one skein had been dipped from dark to light and back again. She was warm enough. Everyone was very kind and very careful.

She slept beneath the stars, wrapped in a tanned hide with fur on one side, listening to the quiet sounds of the camp. Waking changed to sleeping and sleeping to dreaming so gradually that it seemed she was still awake.

She lay beside the dying fires, the tents lit from within by their battery powered lights while the adults talked quietly. The radio with its makeshift antenna played, a song about a girl with kaleidoscope eyes. Her parents were talking, nursing cups of strong British tea, while outside the circle of the fires she saw the reflected gleam of green eyes. They watched steadily.

She got to her feet. The green eyes were unblinking. She started toward them, away from the fires.

An arm around her waist, picking her up and carrying her back. “Let me go!” she said. “I want to see the lions!”

“The problem is if the lions see you, little one.” He put her down as her mother came hurrying.

“Oh Dr. Birna! Thank you so much. Elizabeth, you must never wander off like that. You have to stay by the fires.”

“I want to see the lions!”

“Lions are very dangerous,” Dr. Birna said, kneeling down so that she could see his face, dark beneath white hair. “They know better than to attack a camp, but a child who wanders off alone is fair prey. You must do as your mother says and stay by the fires.”

“…stay by the fires…” She turned, reaching out.

“You are by the fire. There is nothing to worry about.” A man’s voice, calming, and she opened her eyes. She lay under alien stars, wrapped in a shearling blanket. The boy’s father bent over her. “You’re safe,” he said. “There are no predators here that will attack a camp as large as this.”

“Lions,” she said, sitting up. The dream and the present folded together seamlessly. She thought he was Dr. Birna for a moment, but who was Dr. Birna? His face, his name, and then it was gone.

The grandmother had also sat up, turning to face her. “Did you remember something?”

“Kenya,” she said. The name was there suddenly. “We were in Kenya.”

The man frowned. “I don’t know this world, Kenya. Is it your home?”

“No.” She shook her head, certain of that. “We were visiting. Traveling. My father…” His face didn’t come, but the sense of him did, the shape of his hands with a brush in them, brushing away red earth from bones. “He studied old things. Bones. Looking for clues about how humanity began. We were in Kenya and I was very small.”

“Do you have kin there?” the old woman asked gently.

“No. It was a long time ago. And my father is gone.” She knew that. He had died a long time ago, an old sadness long healed over.

And that was all — the shape of his hands, the brush moving quickly and carefully over bone, the light of the fires, the eyes in the dark, the radio playing a song about diamonds.

The man put his hand on her shoulder gently. “You don’t remember any more?”

The dream was fading. There had been the lions and Dr. Birna and he had handed her to a woman, to her mother…

“My mother called me Elizabeth.”