Ugly Behavior

Wet Kisses in the Dark

I let myself in with the key she had given me and tried the light switch by the door. Nothing. I stepped into the living room, outlined in the yellow neon that seeped through the windows from the fast food place across the street. Paper crinkled under my shoes and there was a sharp crunch now and then like she’d left cracker crumbs or bits of pretzel all over the floor. And sharp smells like cheese and liquor and bad perfume, but then Liz had always been a lousy housekeeper. I could never have lived with her, myself.

I tried the light switch by the dining room. Still nothing. Now I figured it was a fuse problem. The whole circuit was out.

The rhythmic shush of the cars out on the wet pavement was so loud they sounded like they were in the next room. The fractured reflections of their headlights washed the dining room walls in waves. Dark patches spotted the walls. Even with that stingy bit of light, I could see that bowls of food had been turned upside down on the table.

Somewhere in the apartment there was a snuffling sound, then a wet whimper. “Liz?” I moved toward the bedroom.

She was sitting on the floor, down in the shadows by the bed. “You’re a little late…” she said softly, with the hint of a slur. I figured she’d started drinking when I didn’t show up on time. I really couldn’t complain, however; I’d had five or six gin and tonics and a couple of beers myself before coming over. They’d filled up the spaces, and these days I felt like I had a lot of spaces.

“Honey, I’m sorry. It was hard to get away.”

“It’s always hard to get away. So what? You still gotta do it.”

“You’ve been drinking.”

She laughed. “I’ve never been more sober. Come sit beside me, lover.”

So I went over and I sat down. The carpet there was damp. In the dim light I couldn’t see her expression, just a white sliver of teeth, the blue cast in one of her eyes. “So why the dark? You didn’t pay your bill?”

She laughed again. “That’s just like you, lover. Everybody knows it’s more romantic in the dark.”

“I don’t know from romance, but I like to see what it is I’m getting into.”

She laughed again, leaned over, and gave me a big, sloppy kiss. Her lips were wet and salty, like those pretzels maybe, and smeared with something sweet and heavy. A sauce or a chili, I couldn’t tell; the liquor had killed my taste buds. Then I thought about the spilled food in the dining room. “What’s all the mess out there? I take it Walter didn’t like dinner again? That why you invited me over?”

She chuckled wetly. “Walter never liked my cooking. We had a fight, that’s all. Now come here and taste some more of me. That’s what you came for, isn’t it? Not to criticize my housekeeping.”

She had a point. I edged closer, then stopped. Something about the way she smelled. “How long you been sitting here? You hurt or something?”

Liz laughed so hard she started coughing, coughing so hard I thought she was going to choke on it. “No, lover. Way past hurt.”

I felt awkward sitting there beside her, especially with the funny way she smelled, so I got up and sat on the edge of her bed. Their bed. Walter’s and hers. “So is he coming back anytime soon? You guys have a big fight?”

She snorted. “And you’re horny, right? You want to get something going before he gets back? Well, get back down here on the floor. I don’t want to mess up the bed.”

I was mad, and I was getting disgusted. I didn’t like being around Liz when she was drunk. And the way she smelled—I was beginning to think that maybe’d she’d wet herself. “I was just showing my concern, Liz. If you weren’t such a mess you’d see that. Christ… at least you could straighten things up around here. What’d you two do, have a food fight or something?”

“Is that what you tell your wife? You tell her she should be cleaning the house better? Is that your excuse for going out and finding something on the side? Something like me?”

I held my breath, thinking fast, but having no real place to go, the thinking just running around in circles. So I stopped thinking. “How’d you find out?”

“Walter told me all about it. He explained things real good.”

“So Walter found out about us? Or did you just go and tell him? Dammit, Liz.”

“Walter wasn’t stupid. Not like me. I guess he knew for a long time. He said you were just playing with me. He laughed a lot when he told me that. I always used to hate it when Walter laughed at me like that. Like I was the dumbest person he’d ever heard of. And maybe I was.”

Right then I knew I was supposed to correct her. No, hon. You’re one smart lady, you are. Don’t let him put you down. He just doesn’t understand you. That had always been my role. But I just couldn’t do it. Maybe it was because she smelled so bad. How could you tell a woman she was smart when there was crap all over the walls and the floor and she smelled so bad? “You better get yourself cleaned up.” It was all I could think of to say. “Maybe I can help you.” I prayed she’d say no. I was trying to figure out a good exit line. I wasn’t liking being alone in the dark with her, even though before that night I’d wanted it all the time. You and me in the dark, hon. And then she’d be kissing me all over, her lips wet, her teeth scraping just enough to excite me. Wet kisses in the dark. She’d been so good at that. Who cared that she was a lousy housekeeper? I wasn’t her husband.

“I can’t get clean. Not this time. No, not going to work this time.”

“C’mon, Liz. How much you have to drink, anyway? He’ll be back. Probably bring you some candy and roses. Walter’s got no spine. You told me that yourself.”

She started laughing again, and I just wanted to leave. I couldn’t stand being in that room. I thought I was going to be sick. “No, not this time, lover,” she said. “You’re lying about that one. And you were always so good at lying. Guess you’re losing your touch.” She clamped her lips over my mouth then, and stuck that thick, salty tongue of hers inside me, and then I was so full of the sad smell of her I couldn’t breathe anymore. I started to choke and I pushed her away. My hands came away from her shoulders warm and sticky.

“Christ! What is this stuff? You throw up on yourself, Liz? Jesus! It’s like you’ve been swimming in garbage!”

“Oh, I have, lover. You and me… pure garbage. Walter knew that, too. My Walter wasn’t such a dumb man after all. He knew garbage when he smelled it. That’s more than I can say for you, lover.”

“I don’t need this crap.”

“Oh? You get this ‘crap’ at home, lover? Is that why you’re with me three nights a week? Not enough crap at home?”

“I’m outta here.” I pushed myself off the damp carpet and leaned onto the edge of the bed. That’s when she grabbed my ankle and twisted, trying to pull me back down. I jerked myself away from her and sprawled across the bed. On top of somebody else.

A hand caught in the lining of my coat. Trying to unsnag myself I rolled over a face. The lips were wet, smearing across me. The chest was wet. Liquid had pooled in the hollow of the belly.

“Whaaa…!”

Liz’s damp chuckle stopped me before I could get all the way off the bed. Then she had her hands around my ankles again. “You like threesomes, lover? Walter’s not gonna mind.”

I cried out and tried to kick her but it only made me lose my balance. Before I knew it the dark came up and slammed me in the face. The fuse blew. And I was out.

I don’t know how long I was unconscious. Probably not all that long, but long enough for Liz to crawl up on top of me, pinning me to the floor. She was a small woman, but right then she felt like she weighed three hundred pounds. Her clothes were soggy, heavy against my skin. She’d gotten my coat off. And my shirt. My pants were unzipped and something cold, something metal, was rubbing up against me down there.

“Liz…” I knew it came out like a hiss, like I was all excited. It scared me, that was all. I couldn’t help it.

“Make love to me, lover. That’s what you do. Love me, now. Garbage against garbage.”

“Liz.” I sucked air. She’d jabbed the cold metal hard into me.

She laughed, then she moaned, like the noises I was making excited her. But I couldn’t help it. “Shut up and kiss me,” she said, and her wet lips moved across my face and found my mouth, and then I recognized that taste. Maybe I’d recognized that taste all along and just couldn’t admit it. That warm, salty, metal taste. That coppery smell.

I turned my head away. “No.”

She slapped me across the face and jabbed harder with the cool steel. Something thick dripped off her head onto my nose, into my eyes. She bent down and she kissed me. She forced my lips open with her teeth and she bit them. “Walter likes to watch,” she said. “We’re going to let him watch now. Usually he does it from the closet, in the dark. He told me all about it. We had no idea; Walter’s not so dumb. But watching us from the bed is better. That way he won’t miss anything.”

“Liz…” My throat hurt; she’d clogged it with her own blood. “I cared about you.”

“Liar!” She tried to scream it but she couldn’t. “Walter told me all about it while he was using the knife on me, the one that was lying by the roast beef just waiting for him. I always tried to get him dinner on time. He told me how he’d watched you with your wife and kids, how happy you looked, how you kissed her every morning. The way she smiled. Walter knew all about men, he told me all about men. How they’re always looking for something on the side. And how it isn’t personal. How it isn’t personal at all.”

“Liz, please…” I started to choke. Then I started to cry.

“Please yourself, lover. Make love to me. Make love to me with my husband watching us. Make it good because it’s the last time. Walter saw to that. He’s hurt me bad.”

She jabbed the gun into my groin. “Oh, Jesus, don’t hurt me!”

“I’m not going to hurt you, just slip out of these pants. I’ll help you, if you help me. Take your pants off.” Wiggling, squirming in panic, I did. “Good. Good. I won’t hurt you. Just make love to me and I won’t hurt you. I won’t shoot you. I promise. You’ll have a good time. Make love to me while Walter watches from the bed. I’m dying, lover. I’m dying hard. Make love to me hard. Do it right and all the time you won’t be able to tell if I’m still alive, or if I’m dead yet. You won’t be able to tell.”

She was right. I couldn’t.