Trail of Lightning

Chapter 30

“Whatever it is, it’s not worth dying for.”

Kai’s up and pacing, more agitated than I’ve ever seen him about anything. He’s twisting the rings on his fingers, one by one, working back and forth across his right hand. His kidskin boots are kicking up little puffs of dust each time he turns on his heels. His eyes are glowing silver again, like they have a life of their own.

I’m sitting on the ground watching him, faintly amused. We’re in a long narrow cell with two doorways. The far door leads out to a circular hallway that rings around the fighting pit. The other leads to a chain-link fence that swings open and goes directly into the pit itself. Mósí’s guards escorted us out of her evil kitty lair and led us here after I agreed to the fight. Kai insisted that he should come with me, and with a tilt of her feline head that did nothing to lessen my suspicions, Mósí agreed. But she kicked Clive out, back to his front-row seat and his fine view of the impending carnage.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” I say dryly as Kai worries the big turquoise number on his middle finger. He stops his nervous fidgeting long enough to give me the disgusted side-eye.

“That’s not what I mean. I just mean this is not worth someone dying.”

“You don’t know that.” I’m sitting cross-legged with my back against the wall, feeling incredibly calm. Noise filters in through the chain-link gate, and we can hear the raucous yelling of the crowd, making bets and generally calling for blood.

“Yes, I do,” Kai disagrees. Twists another ring. Walks a few feet before he whips around to come back toward me. “I mean, I know this might be our key to figuring out who the witch is, but there’s got to be another way.”

“Kai, let it go. It’s done. I’ll be fine.”

“You don’t know that.”

I cock an eyebrow. “Really? You don’t think I can win this? I think that hurts my feelings.”

“Be serious for a minute.”

“Clive said Law Dogs look the other way since everything’s voluntary, and they get a nice fat cut of the house winnings.”

“It’s not the cops I’m worried about.”

“So why are you worried?”

Kai stares at me, incredulous. “How can you be so calm about going into a fight to the death? Even if you do survive, you’re going to have to kill to do it.”

“It won’t be the first time.”

“It won’t be the—!” he sputters.

“Won’t even be the first time this week.”

“This is not a joke!”

I exhale loudly. “I thought you were okay with my ‘murderous nature.’ You told me that Living Arrow didn’t bother you. That you were glad to have a killer as a partner.”

He pulls up short, face stricken. “And it’s my fault, isn’t it? I made you shoot Longarm. God, I made you kill him. If I hadn’t been so reckless . . .” His whole body sags, the fight going out of him. He comes over to slide his back down the wall and sit cross-legged next to me. He shakes his head, the weight of the Law Dog’s death truly hitting him for the first time. Our shoulders are close enough to touch, but we don’t.

“Killing is my clan power the same way healing is yours.” I spread my hands, lift my shoulders in a small shrug. “It’s who I am. I thought you got that.”

“Yeah, monsters. Killing monsters. Hunting witches. Helping innocent people.”

“I used to think it was that black and white, but now . . . I don’t know. It feels different, you know? Since Neizghání left. It feels like I can’t tell the monsters from the good guys anymore, so it’s best I pull the trigger and let someone else sort it out.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Maybe I do. Maybe I’m not one of the good guys.” I think of Black Mesa. “Maybe I haven’t been in a long time.”

“You’re one of the good guys. I saw what you did in Rock Springs. You saved people’s lives.”

“I almost got Rissa killed.”

“You saved her life.”

“No, I didn’t save anyone. That was you. I keep telling you that I’m no hero, Kai.”

“Being a hero’s not about being perfect. It’s about doing the right thing, doing your best to get the people you care about home safely. You were willing to sacrifice yourself to do that. I don’t care what you say to try to negate that—I was there. I saw it.”

He falls silent, gaze fixed on the far wall across from us. I lean toward him, let our shoulders finally touch. Try to tell him “thank you” for the faith he has in me. I don’t deserve it, am not sure what to do with it, but I appreciate it anyway. I expect him to pull away from me. But he doesn’t. Just glances over to where we’re connected.

We sit there for a while, the only sound the distant screams of the crowd above us, cheering two opponents who are even now trying to spill the other’s blood.

His voice is soft and distant when he finally speaks. “Who fed you such a total crock of shit?”

I jerk away. “What?”

He turns to me. His voice is calm, but his eyes are like tempests brewing below the surface of the sea. I shiver, trying to focus, but his sudden intensity has completely thrown me off. “Who convinced you that all you are is a killer?” His voice is louder now. “That Living Arrow is some sort of curse? That your past makes you some kind of monster?”

“I . . . I . . .” I scramble to defend myself. “Evil is like a disease,” I start.

“So you think you’re evil?”

“No. But if it gets on you . . .”

“ ‘Gets on you’? Maggie, listen to yourself. Whatever happened to you may have been evil, but you aren’t evil. And out of that evil deed came a blessing, not a curse.”

“I don’t believe—”

“But you did once, didn’t you?”

I remember herding sheep for my grandmother, pink pajamas with hearts on the back. Watching Westerns and laughing. But then I remember other things too. “Not for a very long time.”

“You know Tah thought that you hung the moon. Used to brag about you to me, try to convince me you would save our people. He believed you were a hero.”

“Tah was always—”

“Was it Longarm who makes you think this way? I remember what he said to you. Did you swallow the poisoned Kool-Aid that prick was selling?”

“Of course not.”

“Then who? Neizghání? That teacher you clam up about every time his name comes up? Did he tell you that you were poisoned, some kind of natural-born killer? Did he convince you that you couldn’t have friends? Couldn’t be loved?”

“Kai, stop! It’s not like that. You don’t understand.”

There’s a loud roar from the pit, signaling that the fight is over. We both turn and lean forward to try to catch a glimpse of the winner. And the loser.

“Then make me understand,” he whispers as he turns back to face me, his voice urgent. “I’ll listen. Make me understand.”

What do I say? It’s the only life I know? It’s the only thing I’m good at? Killing is the only thing I have that makes me worth anything to Neizghání? And Neizghání was the only thing I had that makes me worth anything at all?

“I . . . I can’t,” I stutter. “You don’t know what it’s been like for me. You have friends. People love you. You saw how people react to me.”

“People like to kick my face in,” he says, his voice wry. “Uriostes, Law Dogs. Is that what you mean?”

I laugh, despite myself. “Oh God, that’s true, isn’t it?”

He sighs. Nods, then takes a deep breath and looks at me, his face serious. “One of the first lessons Grandpa taught me. Clan powers are a gift, not a curse. We may not understand them, why they only come to some of us, what their full potential is, but he was sure they were an instrument against dark times, against the coming of monsters. And like any instrument, they can be used for good or evil. A good man can use a hammer to build a house. A bad man can use it to kill his neighbor. The hammer is the same.”

“I’m more gun than hammer. I’m a weapon. Specifically meant for killing.”

“A gun, then, Maggie. But one that can be used to protect just as much as destroy. Or neither. Melt down a gun to its essence and all you have is metal that can be shaped into anything you want. Nothing says you can’t do the same.”

“I know what you’re saying, but you don’t know me. Not really. You don’t know the things that I’ve been through. Or the things that I’ve done.” Gray eyes going dim as I slide my blade across a throat. Wiping my knife on a dead man’s coat. Longarm, a face like hamburger meat. And a little girl, her head rolling down the side of a mountain.

And more. Countless more.

“I don’t need to know,” Kai says. “Everything you’ve done, your past, it’s all just a story you tell yourself. Some of it is true, but some of it is lies.” He brushes my cheek with the back of his fingers.

I frown and pull away. “You think I’m lying?”

His voice is almost unbearably kind. “Only to yourself.”

The same words Ma’ii used, but I don’t have time to contemplate the coincidence. The far gate slams open. We both turn to look. It’s one of the Bear clan guards. We stand up as he enters and watch as he marches through the cell to open the chain-link gate with a key. Kai grabs my hand, holds it tight. I let him. Maybe even squeeze back a little.

“Two minutes,” the guard growls, handing me a knife. It takes me a moment to realize it’s my Böker. Seven inches of edged steel, slightly curved, heavier on top to weight a downward strike. They opened the lockbox.

The guard grins. “Be grateful you’re getting it at all. But Mósí figured you’d fight better with your own weapons and she wants a good fight.”

I slide the knife into the empty sheath on my belt.

“They’ll call your name. You come out. A little showmanship never hurts. Runs the bets up. You’re a girl, so they’re already betting hard against you, and, well . . .” He chuckles, low and mean.

“Well what?” I ask.

“Who’s going to bet against him?”

“Him? Who’s ‘him’?”

He grins, an evil spread of his thin lips. “You still haven’t guessed who you’re fighting?”

“No.”

“Everyone’s been waiting to see this one.”

I frown, puzzled. “I only just agreed to fight. How could anyone be looking forward to my fight?”

He laughs. “Mósí knew you would come. She’s been spreading the word about this fight ever since the Coyote brought her that thing you both are fighting over.”

“What?” Ma’ii brought Mósí the fire drill?

“She wasn’t so sure about your opponent,” the guard continues. “The Coyote promised, but we couldn’t believe he’d actually show up. But the Coyote called it.”

“Ma’ii. You’re talking about Ma’ii.”

“Why would Ma’ii bring Mósí the fire drill instead of just giving it to us to begin with?” Kai asks, just as puzzled as me. I shoot him a worried look. What is the trickster up to?

“And he said you’d come for sure,” Bear clan says. “That you couldn’t stay away. He’s got your number down, girlie.”

I ignore that last part. “So Ma’ii set this whole thing up?”

The Bear clan man shrugs his massive shoulders. “I don’t know what he and Mósí worked out. I just know this is going to be a hell of a fight. Or . . .” He studies me, no doubt trying to decide if he bet on a winner or a loser. “. . . if the stories about you are just bullshit, it may be a bloodbath.”

“A bloodbath?” My stomach drops like a stone. “Who the hell am I fighting?”

But he doesn’t have time to answer me. They’re calling my name.