The Well of Lost Plots

22 Crimean nightmares

'Ah!' said Gran as I walked through the door. 'There you are! How were things at work today?'

'Good and bad,' I told her, sitting on the sofa and undoing the top button of my trousers. 'The good news is I passed the Jurisfiction practical; the bad news is that I was found guilty of my fiction infraction.'

'What was the sentence?'

'I'll have to wait for that.'

'Waiting's the worst part,' she murmured. 'I was up for murder once and the worst part of it all was waiting for the jury to come back with their verdict. Longest eight hours of my life.'

'I believe you. Did you go home today?'

She nodded. 'I brought you a few bits and bobs. I notice there is no chocolate here in the WOLP — nothing worth eating, anyway.'

'Did you find anything out about Yorrick Kaine?'

'Not much,' replied Gran, eating the chocolate she had brought for me, 'but he's not in hiding or anything. He's bought another publishing house and at the same time trying to rebuild his political career after that Cardenio debacle.'

'Ah. Where are Lola and Randolph?'

'At a party, I think. You look all done in — why don't you get an early night?'

'And have what's-her-name pester me?'

She looked at me seriously through her large-framed spectacles. 'Aornis. It's Aornis. Remember?'

'Yes. Who was my husband again?'

'Landen. He was eradicated by the Chronoguard, yes?'

I remembered and my heart sank.

'Yes,' I said in a quiet voice. I had been happy in my non-remembering state but now I could feel the anger rising again.

'Sometimes I think it would be better if I just forgot, Gran.'

'Never say that, Thursday!' said Gran so sharply I jumped and she had to rest for a moment to get her breath back and eat a few more chocolates. 'Aornis has no right to take that which does not belong to her and you must be strong with her, and yourself— retake your memories!'

'Easier said than done, Gran,' I said, trying to grab a chocolate as they were pulled out of my reach. 'I want to dream about—'

'Landen.'

'Landen, yes — I want to dream about him again. He's there but we don't talk like we used to.'

The door banged open and Randolph walked in. He ignored us both and hung up his coat.

'Randolph?' I said. 'You okay?'

'Me?' he said, not looking at either of us. 'I'm fine. It's that tarty little bitchlet who's going to come to a sticky end — she can't talk to a man without wanting to add him to her collection!'

And he walked out.

'Is she all right?' I called after him, but all we heard was the door to their bedroom slam shut. We looked at one another and shrugged.

'Where were we?'

'I was telling you how I never dream about Landen the way I used to. We used to go to the really great memories we shared. We never got to — you know — but it was wonderful. At least I had some control of where I went when the "Sable Goddess" laid down her cloak.'

Gran looked at me and patted my hand reassuringly.

'You need to make her feel she's winning, Thursday. Lull her into a trap. She might think she is in command but she's only in your mind and you are the one who controls what you think. Our memories are precious and should never be sullied by an outside agent.'

'Of course — but how?'

'Well,' said Gran, passing me a chocolate she didn't like, 'it isn't Aornis up there, my dear, it's only your memory of her. She's alone and afraid too. Without the real Aornis here in the BookWorld she doesn't have so much power; all she can do is try and—'

The door burst open again. This time it was Lola. She looked as though she had been crying. She stopped dead when she saw us.

'Ah!' she said. 'Is rat-face shit-for-brains in?'

'Do you mean Randolph?'

'Who else?'

'Then yes, he is.'

'Right!' she announced. 'I'll go and sleep over at Nemo's.'

She started to leave.

'Wait!' I said. 'What's going on?'

She stopped and put her hands on her hips. Her bag slid down and hung off her elbow, which spoiled the illusion, but Lola was past caring.

'I went to meet him for coffee after college and blow me if he's not talking to that little D-2 runt — you know, the one with the silly eyes and the stupid snorty laugh?'

'Lola,' I said quietly, 'they were probably just talking.'

She looked at her hands for a moment.

'You're right,' she announced, 'and what do I care anyway? They clearly deserve one another!'

'I heard that!' said a voice from the back of the flying boat. Randolph strode into the kitchen and waved a finger at Lola, who glared back angrily.

'You've got a nerve accusing me of being with another woman when you've slept with almost everyone at school!'

'And so what if I have?' screamed Lola. 'Who are you, my father? Have you been spying on me?'

'Even the worst spy in the genre couldn't fail to notice what you're up to — don't you know the meaning of the word "discretion"?'

'One-dimensional!'

'Cardboard!'

'Stereotype!'

'Predictable!'

'Jerk-off!'

'ARSEHOLE!'

'Duck, Gran,' I whispered as Lola picked up a vase and threw it at Randolph. It missed and went sailing over the top of our heads to shatter on the far wall.

'Okay,' I said loudly, using my best and most assertive voice, 'any more crap out of you two and you can live somewhere else. Randolph, you can sleep on the sofa. Lola, you can go to your room. And if I hear a peep out of either of you I'll have you both allocated to knitting patterns — GET IT?'

They went quiet, mumbled something about being sorry and walked slowly from the kitchen.

'Oh, that was good, balls-for-brains,' muttered Lola as they moved off, 'get us both into trouble, why don't you?'

'Me?' he returned angrily. 'Your knickers are off so often I'm amazed you bother with them at all.'

'DID YOU HEAR ME?' I yelled after them, and there was quiet.

Gran was picking bits of broken vase from the table top. 'Where were we?' she asked.

'Er … retaking my memories?'

'Exactly so. She'll be wanting to try and break you down, so things are going to get worse before they get better — only when she thinks she has defeated you can we go on the offensive.'

'What do you mean by getting worse? Hades? Landen's eradication? Darren? How far do I have to go?'

'Back to the worst time of all — the truth about what happened during the charge.'

'Anton.'

I groaned and rubbed my face.

'I don't want to go back there, Gran, I can't!'

'Then she'll pick away at your memory until there is nothing left; she doesn't want that — she's after revenge. You have to go back to the Crimea, Thursday. Face up to the worst and grow stronger from it.'

'No,' I said, 'I won't go back there and you can't make me.'

I got up without a word and went to have a bath, trying to soak away the worries. Aornis, Landen, Goliath, the ChronoGuard and now Perkins and Snell's murders here in the BookWorld; I'd need a bath the size of Windermere to soak those away. I had come to Caversham Heights to stay away from crisis and conflict — but they seemed to follow me around like a stray dodo.

I stayed in the bath long enough to need to top it up with hot water twice, and when I came out I found Gran sitting on the laundry basket outside the door.

'Ready?' she asked softly.

'Yes,' I replied, 'I'm ready.'

I slept in my own bed — Gran said she would sit in the armchair and wake me if things looked as though they were getting out of hand. I stared at the ceiling, the gentle curve of the wooden panelling and the single-domed ceiling light. I stayed awake for hours, long after Gran had fallen asleep and dropped her copy of Tristram Shandy on the floor. Night and sleep had once been a time of joyous reunion with Landen, a collection of moments that I treasured: tea and hot buttered crumpets, curled up in front of a crackling log fire, or golden moments on the beach, cavorting in slow motion as the sun went down. But no longer. With Aornis about, my memory was now a battleground. And with the whistle of an artillery shell I was back where I least wanted to be — the Crimea.

'So there you are!' cried Aornis, grinning at me from her seat in the armoured personnel carrier as the wounded were removed. I had returned from the lines to the forward dressing station where the disaster had generated a state of sustained and highly controlled panic. Cries of 'Medic!' and swearing punctuated the air, while less than three miles away we could still hear the sound of the Russian guns pummelling the remains of the Wessex Light Tank. Sergeant Tozer stepped from the back of the APC with his hand still inside the leg of a soldier as he tried to staunch the bleeding; another soldier blinded by splinters was jabbering on about some girl he had left back home in Bradford on Avon.

'You haven't dreamed for a few nights,' said Aornis as we watched the casualties being unloaded. 'Have you missed me?'

'Not even an atom,' I replied, adding: 'Are we done?' to the medics unloading the APC.

'We're done!' came back the reply, and with my foot I flicked the switch that raised the rear door.

'Where do you think you're going?' asked a red-faced officer I didn't recognise.

'To pick up the rest, sir!'

'The hell you are!' he replied. 'We're sending in Red Cross trucks under a flag of truce!'

It would take too long and we both knew it. I dropped back into the earner, revved the engine and was soon heading back into the fray. The amount of dust thrown up might screen me — as long as the guns kept firing. Even so, I still felt the whine of a near-miss and once an explosion went off close by, the concussion shattering the glass in the instrument panel.

'Disobeying a direct order, Thursday?' said Aornis scathingly. 'They'll court-martial you!'

'But they didn't,' I replied, 'they gave me a medal instead.'

'But you didn't go back for a gong, did you?'

'It was my duty. What do you want me to say?'

The noise grew louder as I drove towards the front line. I felt something large pluck at my vehicle and the roof opened up, revealing in the dust a shaft of sunlight that was curiously beautiful. The same unseen hand picked up the carrier and threw it in the air. It ran along on one track for a few yards and then fell back upright. The engine was still functioning, the controls still felt right; I carried on, oblivious to the damage. It was only when I reached up for the wireless switch that I realised the roof had been partially blown off, and it was only later that I discovered an inch-long gash in my chin.

'It was your duty, all right, Thursday, but it was not for the army, regiment, brigade or platoon — certainly not for English interests in the Crimea. You went back for Anton, didn't you?'

Everything stopped. The noise, the explosions, everything. My brother Anton. Why did she have to bring him up?

'Anton,' I whispered.

'Your dear brother Anton,' replied Aornis. 'Yes. You worshipped him. From the time he built you a tree house in the back garden. You joined the army to be like him, didn't you?'

I said nothing. It was true, all true. Tears started to course down my cheeks. Anton had been, quite simply, the best elder brother a girl could have. He always had time for me and always included me in whatever he got up to. My anger at losing him had been driving me for longer than I cared to remember.

'I brought you here so you can remember what it's like to lose a brother. If you could find the man that killed Anton, what would you do to him?'

'Losing Anton was not the moral equivalent of killing Acheron,' I shouted. 'Hades deserved to die — Anton was just doing his misguided patriotic duty!'

We had arrived outside the remains of Anton's APC. The guns were firing more sporadically now, picking their targets more carefully; I could hear the sound of small arms as the Russian infantry advanced to retake the lost ground. I released the rear door. It was jammed but it didn't matter; the side door had vanished with the roof and I rapidly packed twenty-two wounded soldiers into an APC designed to carry eight. I closed my eyes and started to cry. It was like seeing a car accident about to happen, the futility of knowing something is about to occur but being unable to do anything about it.

'Hey, Thuzzy!' said Anton in the voice I knew so well. Only he had ever called me that; it was the last word he would speak. I opened my eyes and there he was, as large as life and, despite the obvious danger, smiling.

'No!' I shouted, knowing full well what was going to happen next. 'Stop! Don't come over here!'

But he did, as he had done all those years before. He stepped out of cover and ran across to me. The side of my APC was blown open and I could see him clearly.

'Please, no!' I shouted, my eyes full of tears. The memory of that day would fill my mind for years to come. I would immerse myself in work to get away from it.

'Come back for me, Thuz—!'

And then the shell hit him.

He didn't explode; he just sort of vanished in a red mist. I didn't remember driving back and I didn't remember being arrested and confined to barracks. I didn't remember anything up until the moment Sergeant Tozer told me to have a shower and clean myself up. I remember treading on the small pieces of sharp bone that washed out of my hair in the shower.

'This is what you try and forget, isn't it?' said Aornis, smiling at me as I tugged my fingers through my matted hair, heart thumping, the fear and pain of loss tensing my every muscle and numbing my senses. I tried to grab her by the throat in the shower but my fingers collapsed on nothing and I barked my knuckles on the shower stall. I swore and thumped the wall.

'You all right, Thursday?' said Prudence, a W/T operator from Lincoln in the next shower. 'They said you went back. Is that true?'

'Yes, it's true,' put in Aornis, 'and she'll be going back again right now!'

The shower room vanished and we were back on the battlefield, heading towards the wrecked armour amid the smoke and dust.

'Well!' said Aornis, clapping her hands happily. 'We should be able to manage at least eight of these before dawn — don't you just hate reruns?'

I stopped the APC near the smashed tank and the wounded were heaved aboard.

'Hey, Thursday!' said a familiar male voice. I opened one eye and looked across at the soldier with his face bloodied and less than ten seconds of existence remaining on his slate. But it wasn't Anton — it was another officer, the one I had met earlier and with whom I had become involved.

'Thursday!' said Gran in a loud voice. 'Thursday, wake up!'

I was back in my bed on the Sunderland, drenched in sweat. I wished it had all just been a bad dream; but it was a bad dream and that was the worst of it.

'Anton's not dead,' I gabbled. 'He didn't die in the Crimea it was that other guy and that's the reason he's not here now because he died and I've been telling myself it was because he was eradicated by the ChronoGuard but he wasn't and—'

'Thursday!' snapped Gran. 'Thursday, that is not how it happened. Aornis is trying to fool with your mind. Anton died in the charge.'

'No, it was the other guy—'

'Landen?'

But the name meant little to me. Gran explained about Aornis and Landen and mnemonomorphs and, although I understood what she was saying, I didn't fully believe her. After all, I had seen the Landen fellow die in front of my own eyes, hadn't I?

'Gran,' I said, 'are you having one of your fuzzy moments?'

'No,' she replied, 'far from it.'

But her voice didn't have the same sort of confidence it usually did. She wrote Landen on my hand with a felt pen and I went back to sleep wondering what Anton was up to and thinking about the short and passionate fling I had enjoyed in the Crimea with that lieutenant, the one whose name I couldn't remember — the one who died in the charge.