The Taste Of Night

11

Saturn’s Orchard, located at the top of a stunted and narrow staircase, reminded me of my Krav Maga dojo in the mortal world. Nondescript, spartan, and clean; if I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, I could pretend I was back in that heated little room, learning to protect my own life…rather than the Las Vegas valley as a whole.

Of course there were differences. For one, the paranormal version was also a mood room. I don’t know if being pyramid-shaped had anything to do with it, but the room reacted to emotion. The whitewashed walls acted as a blank canvas for dueling agents-and when engaged, glyphs soared over a colorful universe, indicating who was winning.

To get there I had to pass the children’s ward, where the sounds of high-pitched laughter and chatter floated down the hallway in a cacophony that was like nails on a chalkboard to me. I stuck my head around the corner, peering in the direction of the noise. I knew nothing about kids. I was rarely around them, and my own childhood had been blotted out by the trauma endured in my teens. I knew they ate a lot of mac and cheese, that play was the focal point of their day, and most had limited impulse control, which made them do things like scream their little heads off for no reason. In truth, they kind of frightened me. Almost more than the thought of chasing Shadows.

“They don’t bite, you know,” an amused voice piped from behind.

I turned to find Gregor, his wide eyes crinkled with humor as he looked at me. Other than a subtle green cast to his skin from the exercise in the boneyard the night before, humor was the one thing that saved Gregor from looking fierce. Okay, that and the rabbit foot hanging from his belt. And while the symbols worn around his neck didn’t soften his image, they did speak of his superstitious nature; a cross, a Jewish star, and a crescent moon all clustered together in unlikely harmony. His warden, Sheena, was tucked beneath his good arm as usual, clearly unimpressed.

“Some of them do,” I replied, barely containing a shudder.

He grinned more widely. “That’s called teething. Only the little ones do that, and they’re long in bed. The others have been instructed not to bite the star signs.”

“Comforting that they had to be told,” I said, leaning over to stroke Sheena behind her ear. She pressed into my touch, trusting Gregor to keep her balanced. “Listen, have you been keeping up with the papers? Or the scanner? Anything going on that looks like Shadow activity?”

He shook his head, which gleamed even in the dim light. “I get the dailies first thing in the morning, local and national, and nothing’s popped. Nobody has a clue what the Tulpa’s up to, but we’re as balanced as we ever were, that’s for sure.”

I thought about that for a moment, and though his certainty was probably warranted, asked, “Do you think you could save them for me at the end of the day? At least the front page and the metro section? Warren wants me to stay in the sanctuary. Again.”

Gregor shot me a sympathetic look, showing me he’d already heard. “Sure…looking for anything in particular?”

I thought about lying, then reconsidered. It would cost me nothing to tell Gregor about the lab-he didn’t need to know about Liam and Regan, or the information that’d led me to Joaquin at Master Comics-and if anyone could help me discover the mystery of what a scientific laboratory was doing in a casino, it was he. So I told him about the portal Hunter had pushed me through at Valhalla, and what I’d found behind it. “So I was wondering if you’d heard of any missing person cases in the last, say, three months.”

“I wonder what they’re up to…” All the humor was absent from his gaze as he squinted in thought. “I could go through the archives. Look for a missing doctor, scientist. Maybe a professor of science out at the university.”

“Yeah, someone like Micah. A lab rat.”

“Better yet, I’ll just ask him when we get to the Orchard,” he said, motioning up the stairwell.

I frowned, surprised. “That’s where you’re going?”

He nodded, and Sheena stretched to nuzzle his chin. “Same as everyone else.”

I’d thought my training session with Tekla was private, and was surprised to find he was right; the others were lounging about the room in varying degrees of green-skinned glory. Most had faded to a light jade by now…all except Chandra, I noted, with more than a little satisfaction. She was still a dazzling Day-Glo emerald, and I gave her a little finger wave from across the room. She merely returned a finger.

Micah, as large as a sumo wrestler and as tall as a basketball player, was stretching lithely on the floor, and Gregor dropped down beside him to fill him in before Tekla arrived. I remained standing, though I shot him an apologetic smile. “Sorry about the hit yesterday, Micah. Good job on the color, though.”

“Thanks.” He smiled wryly, examining his fading forearm. “Next time I’ll try to concoct something a little less durable.”

Micah and Gregor were the only senior troop members in the room. Warren was absent, and the rest of the star signs were juniors; Vanessa and Felix, Riddick and Jewell, and me. The training we underwent-such as the maze out in the boneyard-was a good way for those in the middle to jockey for position, and the initiates who were raised in this subterranean grotto started that practice young. Scoring kill spots against enemy agents also gained you more power within the troop hierarchy, and the foiling of a Shadow plot was a good way to earn brownie points too. But everyone knew their place at any given moment.

Everyone, I thought wryly, but me.

“Monkeys?” I heard Micah say, and turned back to find him gazing up at me questioningly. “Primates are generally used for more complex research…combating disease, testing transplantations and vaccines, new surgeries.”

“Things that would eventually be used on humans,” Gregor said, and the two of them looked at each other in the long stretch of silence. After a moment Gregor rose again and left the room. I knew he was headed to speak with Warren.

I swallowed hard. “It’s serious, then?”

“It’s probably nothing, but you were right to say something.” A swift smile flickered over his face as he motioned around the room. “Ready for class?”

I narrowed my eyes, wondering why he was changing the subject, but let it drop as I noticed all the training paraphernalia-heavy bags, pads, ropes, and mitts-had been put away, and the spongy mat with its opposing sparring circles had been removed to reveal a naked slab of concrete.

Micah explained that the mat’s removal deactivated the mood room, and in its place was a single mirrored panel propped vertically beneath the apex of the whitewashed pyramid; colorless, stark, and somehow intimidating.

I stepped forward, studying my reflection in the shiny slab, hands on hips, feet splayed wide, a stance that looked a hell of a lot more assured than it felt. “So…what? We gonna practice our scariest superfaces on each other?”

Micah gave a shrug of his giant shoulders, and stood with a grunt until he towered at his full seven feet. “Probably another lesson on energy. We’ll find out when Tekla gets here.”

“She’s always late,” I grumbled, still peeved at the way she’d dug at me the day before. “You’d think a psychic would know we’re all waiting for her.”

“It’s an affectation,” Micah said, smiling sympathetically and ruffling my hair. “The troop’s Seer is allowed her eccentricities. Just look past the quirks, and you’ll learn something despite yourself.”

I was about to say that quirk was a nice way to word it, but Marlo walked in just then…followed by Hunter. I got that funny feeling in my gut again, and quickly looked away. Fortunately, Tekla’s appearance saved me from having to question why.

She wasted no time on niceties, instead heading straight to the center of the room, where it turned out today’s lesson would be on yet another of Tekla’s favorite subjects: controlling our thoughts.

“This wall beside me is made of glass, better to reflect the clearest sense of your goals. But beyond that, like the labyrinth in the boneyard, it’s made from thought.” She looked at each of us, and the room fell unnaturally still. “I created both walls with nothing more than the strength of my mind. I dreamed them into being. Does anyone recall what else had been wrought into being by the whim of a powerful mind?”

Her eyes landed on me, though we all knew the answer to that question. “The Tulpa.”

She inclined her head. “That’s right. A living being who moves, breathes, eats, shits, and sleeps.” And now she began to pace, her black salwar-kamiz flaring about her ankles. “A being who’s dedicated his entire undeserved life to destroying you. How much easier, then, to create a mere wall from the ether.” She waved her hand, and the air shimmered about her fingertips. A second wall materialized, rippling, before solidifying into one identical to the first.

“Whoa,” Riddick said, awed. I had to agree. The most awesome thing about it, though, was that the wall’s appearance hadn’t seemed magical or miraculous at all. It was as natural as if someone had just walked in a door.

“Your thoughts create your reality,” Tekla went on as we all crowded closer. “What you believe is true and real becomes true and real for you.”

She paused, then looked at Felix, just as he was opening his mouth to speak. Tekla’s stare had nothing to do with her being psychic. We all knew Felix would be the first to ask a question, and he caught the look and laughed self-consciously. “We know that…but that wall’s not going to disappear just because I say it’s not there. It’s tangible. It’s a wall.”

“I agree,” Jewell said, clearing her throat nervously. “You can’t just lie to yourself about things already in existence.”

“Not lie and actually believe it,” Riddick agreed.

Tekla raised her brow, a subdued challenge. “You don’t think so? What about this: I’m not too drunk to drive. He’s just working late. The glove doesn’t fit.” Tekla allowed her mouth to quirk. “People do lie to themselves, and they get away with it because every action affirms and reaffirms their perception. That’s the power of the human mind. That’s the power of thought, which is nothing more-and nothing less-than energy. And when you have a particularly powerful mind, extraordinary things can happen.”

She made another wall appear, effortlessly, then turned back to us and smiled.

“So what’s the practical application?” Riddick asked, moving forward first to touch the wall, then knock on it loudly when he found it solid.

“Good question,” she said, automatically folding her arms before realizing she wasn’t wearing her robe. She linked her hands instead. “One answer is the element of surprise. Say your back is against a wall, literally, and a Shadow makes a move against you. Instead of making the choice to flee or fight-”

“I never flee,” Felix said, cocking his fists on his hips.

“We know, Felix,” Tekla said, and he wilted slightly. “Thus the Shadows already know how you will act when backed against that wall.”

“Except you don’t have a choice in that instance,” I said in his defense. “You fight or die.”

She smiled like she’d been expecting me to say that. “Ah, but you always have a choice. It’s like dropping a footprint on the moon. Once you take a step, the landscape of your life is forever changed.

“So the question I pose to you today is, what do we want that landscape to look like? Which direction do you want that footstep to lead? What walls need to come down before you reach your goal? Once you have the answers to these questions, the Universe will conspire to bend to your wishes.”

She inclined her head and folded her hands together like a Jedi knight. Impressive, it was. She then shifted her gaze to Riddick, motioning him to the wall. “You first.”

He swallowed hard, but strode forward with determination.

“What were you thinking yesterday when you were all scattered in the labyrinth?” she asked him. “What was your intent going into that maze?”

“To win,” he said, running a hand over his rust-colored hair. “To kick some ass.”

The rest of us laughed, but Tekla’s smile was close-lipped as she motioned to the wall in front of him. “Focus that on the wall now, projecting that intention, and will it away.”

Riddick squared his shoulders and stared at the wall like it was a mortal enemy. For a moment nothing happened, and I thought that’s what Tekla wanted us to see-that nothing happened when we faced our obstacles with the wrong intent. Instead, the base of the wall shimmered briefly, setting the length of it to swaying, and looking as though the whole thing would topple. I felt myself go cross-eyed as I stared too hard at the spot, and had to blink. Beside me, Vanessa shook her head. When I focused again, I’d found that another wall had appeared instead, thickening the first.

“A second thing you might want to remember,” Tekla said wryly, “is that the wrong intention can generate the exact opposite of your desired effect.”

Riddick scowled. “What’s wrong with wanting to kick ass?”

“Nothing. But it’s not a strong enough motivation to create lasting change. It needs to be linked to a higher reason.” She jerked her head at Felix, who immediately clapped Riddick on the shoulder, backed the frowning man up, and smiled broadly at the rest of us as he rubbed his hands together.

“My intention was to have green friends,” Felix said, grinning. There were snorts and scattered chuckles-none from Chandra, I noted-but they died down as he turned his focus on the second wall. Felix was close to being a senior agent, and I had no doubt he was keyed in to a “higher reason.” We all held our breaths as the entire wall began to shimmer, then shake. The unmistakable scent of burning wood rose in the air, and a low whirring sound ebbed up from beneath Felix’s wide stance. It died down when a fourth wall materialized out of nowhere.

“What the fuck?” Felix said, disbelief in his face and voice as Riddick thumped his back in mock sympathy.

“Humor is one of your gifts, my boy, but I doubt you’ll be winning over any Shadow agents with wit alone.” Tekla raised her brows until he acknowledged her point with a meek nod, and stepped back with the rest of the group. Then she turned to me. “Olivia? You were one of the last players standing. What was your intention yesterday?”

“Why don’t you ask Hunter? He’s the one who pulled me into the game.”

“Thank you.” Tekla didn’t even blink. “But I’m asking you.”

I sighed and reluctantly shuffled forward. This was going to be bad. I couldn’t lie about my intentions. This group would scent one out quicker than a coyote tracking a jack-rabbit. So I focused on the wall, where my image stared back at me-beautiful, but defensive and dark eyed-and told her the truth. “Vengeance.”

The explosion was deafening. The wall shattered, sharp missiles flying to pelt every corner of the room. I had time to duck, but not cover, and yelped as a shard bit into my right cheek, feeling the same knifelike stings on my legs and arms, and hearing the others cry out like soldiers dying on a battlefield.

Over as quickly as it began, the silence that followed was punctuated only by labored breathing, and I peeked from my hunched position, felt tentatively at my wet cheek, and came away with blood. The others were doing the same, some still gasping in surprise and confusion, others cursing freely and shooting me steel-plated glares. Only Tekla, standing as she’d been before, remained untouched.

Because she’d known what was going to happen, I thought bitterly.

“Another fine example of what not to do.”

That made me see three different shades of red. “You wanted me to break through the wall,” I said, crossing my arms. “I did.”

“Look around you, Olivia. Look what you’ve done to your troop.”

I didn’t need to look to know what she was really saying. If we’d been on a mission in the real world, my actions would have wiped out my whole troop. They knew it too, and their eyes were on me, as heavy as their silence. Because the single unspoken question winging through each of their minds was the same one that’d dogged me since joining the troop. Will you give up your quest for vengeance for us?

And goddamn if that didn’t make me want to dig in my heels even harder.

“So I’ll have my vengeance, kill Joaquin, and then I’ll stop.”

“Well, that’s the thing, Olivia. There is no final action.” Tekla pursed her lips and turned to address the others. “All your deeds live within, piling up to create your life. So revenge isn’t just a step in the wrong direction, it’s an A-bomb that will flatten everything around you.”

I stared at Tekla as the silence drew out around us, gradually scenting new emotions in the air; my defiance, sure, and anger at the way Tekla had ambushed me, but there was sympathy there too-I didn’t know who that belonged to-and regret, which would have soothed me if not for the sudden loamy whorl of fear emanating from Marlo’s direction. That hadn’t been there before, and I gritted my teeth-resenting its appearance now, blaming Tekla-though I refrained from looking at Marlo. I didn’t want to frighten her further. My eyes, I knew, were as black as tar.

“I’m doing the best I can,” I said between clenched teeth.

“I don’t want your best. I want you to break through that wall-”

“Then show me how!” I yelled, and had the satisfaction of seeing her jerk in surprise.

Her eyes narrowed immediately. “The rest of you leave us.”

The troop filed out in silent singles and pairs, as I stared at Tekla, she at me.

“Focus,” she finally said when they were gone, “and do it again.”

“No.” I folded my arms over my chest.

She blinked. “What?”

“I said no. I want you to show me.” I hesitated, wondering if the rumors were true and she really could trap a person in her gaze, though it was too late to back down now. I pushed back a sweaty tendril of hair and squared on her. “Take me out onto the streets where this shit can be put to practical use. Show me.”

She looked at me like I was speaking another language. Maybe it was just that people didn’t talk to Tekla that way. Maybe it was because I was pissed enough to momentarily forget that fact. “I can’t.”

“You mean you won’t.”

“I mean I can’t.”

“Sure you can. All you have to do is fire up the Scorpio glyph, put on a kick-ass outfit, and get in a Star cab.”

She didn’t answer, just stared a moment longer, before turning away to sail toward the door. Lesson over. But I’d finally pushed Tekla’s buttons, and I was bitter enough to want to keep on doing it. Let her get a taste of her own righteous medicine.

“What could be so powerful that you’d rather leave our Zodiac empty than take up the Scorpio sign?” I called out, knowing part of the answer was grief, but pushing for the rest. “Have you lost your powers? Your nerve? Your drive?”

“You dare question me?” she asked, voice barely a whisper as she pivoted to face me. Her lavender aura began to glow now, like it was shot through with gas. “You, who don’t even know your own power? Who can’t control her simplest thought? Who mistakes base impulse for drive?”

“Don’t do that,” I said, shaking my head. “Don’t take that mystical, imperious, overbearing-and, by the way, bitchy-tone with me. Not when I’ve been so honest with you. Not when you use my weaknesses against me every day.”

“You’ve been honest, have you?” She strode over to me so fast, I took a step back before I could stop myself. “Then what’s the dark spot in your aura that means you’ve a secret you’re telling no one? What’s the dream you had last night that caused those circles beneath your eyes? What’s keeping your focus so weak and dull you can’t even crack a mirror?”

Nope, it wasn’t lack of power keeping her from claiming her star sign, that was for sure. I crossed my arms and lowered my chin. “You’re trying to distract me, and it’s not going to work. I want to know why you never leave this sanctuary.”

“My duty is here.”

I shook my head. “Not good enough. The man who murdered your only child is out there, stalking others. His entire purpose in life is to spread hate and dissension and pain…all the things you preach so vehemently against, and you’re doing nothing about it.”

“I’m training this generation’s Zodiac how to defeat him using tools that will balance-”

“Blah, blah, blah!” I’d heard it before, and raised my voice so it overtook hers. “Joaquin destroyed someone noble, good, and entirely of Light, attacking him when he was supposed to be safe, murdered him practically in your lap, and did it before Stryker even had the chance to-”

“I was there!” Tekla screamed, and the remaining mirrors around us shattered, falling like glistening rain. I rocked back on my heels, ducking for cover as the walls of the pyramid rumbled too, bowing in on themselves. A weight crushed down on my skull and chest, like the pressure in an airtight cabin was about to give with a violent pop, or someone extremely large was sitting on top of me. As I dropped to the ground I saw Tekla standing with clenched fists, her eyes wide and furious, hair snapping from its bun to swarm, Medusa-like, on a current that didn’t exist. I tried to cry out, but it was soundless, my windpipe crushed beneath invisible fingers. All I could do was lie in a fetal position, black spots dancing before my squeezed eyes, and suffocate.

By the time I realized I could open my eyes again, the room was noiseless. The screaming wind had scuttled to a gurgle, and the vacuous white walls of the dojo were back in their original slanted shape. I sucked in a breath so deep, it was like I was breaking the surface of the ocean, and it cut through the silence like shears through silk.

Chest heaving, I looked up and saw Tekla standing amid the debris of glass and ceiling plaster, looking like a disheveled statue. She blinked and said softly, “I was there.”

Oh Jesus, I thought as I slowly gained my feet. What had I been thinking? Just because she gave off an aura of invulnerability didn’t mean she didn’t have deep pockets of regret eating at her insides. I, of anyone, knew how deeply such emotions could be-and needed to be-hidden. Legs wobbling, I licked my lips and found my voice. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said…I don’t know what got into me.”

But she stared through me like I was just another wall that had to be knocked down. And right now, I wouldn’t have stopped her if she’d tried. “Every breath Joaquin takes is a betrayal to my son’s memory,” she said, big bird eyes solemn, face drawn. “I curse every morning the sun still shines on his head, and relive Stryker’s death every night in my dreams.”

“So why don’t you do something?” I asked quietly, taking a step forward.

Her eyes focused and found me, halting my forward progress. “You mean go after him before it’s time? Force the Universe to bend to my will? Or give you leave to attempt it so I can watch you die as well because I haven’t had time to pass on the tools you need to fight him?” She shook her head. “I don’t want vengeance at any cost, Olivia. Losing one more life to Joaquin’s depravity is a price too dear to pay, no matter what I might desire.”

Because she seemed to have reached into her vast reservoir of control again, I approached her. “Lives are being lost anyway. He’s not out there playing…Parcheesi.”

A slim eyebrow lifted, and I shrugged. It had been the only thing I could think of.

“No, I know he’s not.” She sighed, and she looked more human, vulnerable and soft than I’d ever seen her before. “But I can’t take up my star sign again. I’d get in my own way.”

“Like I do, you mean.” Which was why she got so angry with me. Her way of controlling herself was to hole up, push away the impulse to go after Joaquin, and teach us all to do the same. At least now I understood why.

“You lack control, Olivia.” She gazed at me for a heartbeat before adding, “That’s dangerous for any agent, but as the Kairos your every action is loaded with meaning, charged with energy. When the second sign of the Zodiac comes to pass, you must be prepared.”

“But what does that have to do with breaking through mental barriers?” Literally, I thought.

“What is the mind,” she retorted, “if not the ultimate battlefield?”

I swallowed hard because I suddenly saw what she was saying. A weak mind was a cursed mind. A cursed battlefield. “And if I’m not prepared?” I asked, my voice small.

“It will kill you.”

But not today, I thought, looking around at the devastation caused by Tekla’s emotions. And that’s all I could concentrate on. If I constantly relived the past, as Tekla did each night, or worried about portents yet to be fulfilled, I too would have trouble climbing from my bed.

“Well,” I finally sighed, motioning around the room, “at least now I know you’re human.”

Human-ish, anyway.

“Don’t let it get around,” she said, and shot me a sad smile before waving her arm through the air in a way I was becoming accustomed to…and sick of. A complete wall of sheer unmarred glass appeared in front of me. I sighed, then stepped forward as she began rambling again about focus, desire, and intent. Tekla observed, commented, even encouraged me as I attempted to dissolve it with my mind. And then she yelled some more.

This time I let her.