The Stainless Steel Rat Gets Drafted

Chapter 27

There were groans and cries of protest when I ordered my bevy of enchanting beauties to their feet.

"Knock it off!" I commanded sternly. "We're still on schedule and if you want to get out of this alive you will obey orders. When I say frog you will jump." I waited until the chorus of croaking, and other froglike imitations, had died down before I spoke again.

"We have about another half hour of riding to go. And before you groan remember that these sweet young girls, who have risked their lives to save us, must ride with us - then circle all the way back to the city by another road. And lest we forget, let's hear it for the girls!" The chorus of yells, thanks, cheers - and not a few kisses - rolled out. I had to whistle for attention before it died down.

"Here is the drill. We are now going to go to a factory that has a railroad siding. A freight train from the north will be arriving when we do. We board and we're away. There will be no stops until we are far from the city. Now - mount up! Forward - H-o-o!"

There was silence during the ride, because my gallant bikers were feeling the strain. There was some panic when a chopper came swooping up, but I ordered male heads down - girls to wave and smile. It worked fine and there were no more alarms after this. As we rounded the last bend to approach the kakalaka factory we heard the wail of the train's horn. The line of freight cars was just clattering into the siding when we appeared.

"Open the doors!" I ordered. "Get in before another chopper shows up. Take your bikes - they'll be debited from your future accounts - wave bye-bye and blow lasses because we are off in one minute."

I turned to thank Neebe, the gorgeous, brown-limbed redhead who was president of the cycling club, but she was just passing on the club flag to her second-in-command. Then she wheeled her bike toward me, smiling a smile that melted my bike handles.

"May I be very forward, offworlder James diGriz, and force my presence upon you? You have but to say no and I will go."

"Glug …!"

"I assume that means yes." She entered the freight car, propped her bicycle against mine, and sat down daintily upon a bale of hay. "You are very kind. Up until today I have been attending school here in Bellegarrique but now, like everyone else, I am leaving. My home is on a farm in the north in a hamlet named Ling. I have talked with my father and mother, brothers and sisters, and grandmother, and they would all be honored if you would stay with us for as long as you wished."

I knew that Morton had been listening because his face went completely green and he began to pout. "I would be honored, honored. What a wonderful idea!"

She smiled, then her expression changed to one of shock when she saw Morton's face. "Is your friend ill?"

"No." I sighed with generosity. "It is just that he has no place to go and is hoping that you will invite him too."

"Of course!"

The green tint vanished instantly and he smiled sheepishly. "I accept with gratitude. But just for a short time. Until I can get in touch with a friend of mine named Sharla."

"Oh, you do remember her," I said sweetly, and he glared at me as soon as Neebe had turned away.

Once we began to relax it was a pleasant journey. The roadbed was flat, the train swift. After an hour we knew that we were well clear of the city and all the enemy lurking there. The hay bales were broken open, the tired ex-girls, using their padded bras for pillows, slept. It was nearly dark when we made the first stop. Hampers of food and drink were loaded aboard and we were away within the minute. We ate, drank, and fell asleep once again. I awoke to the gentle touch of a soft hand on my shoulder. "We are here," Neebe said. "I must awaken your friend," Lights were moving by outside the open door as the train squealed to a stop. We climbed down and our bikes were handed after us. Followed by glad cries and shouts of farewell we mounted and followed Neebe down the highway, out of town, and to the family farm. The road was smooth and easy to see, A magnificent nebula half-filled the sky and bathed us in a cool white light.

"Even if I could go back to Nevenkebla I never would," Morton panted.

"You have family there."

"I'll miss them - but I won't miss the draft, the army, the military, the intolerance…"

He gasped for air and I nodded agreement. "Understood. This planet has a lot going for it. Though I still don't understand all the permutations of IM it seems to be working. But all is not peace and light yet. Let us not forget Zennor."

Morton groaned. "I would love to."

Next morning it looked as though the entire family was standing around and beaming down upon us. While the ladies of the house fought to see how many eggs, wiffles and other gustatory goodies they could force upon us. We fought honorably to do our best. Groaning we finally pushed away from the table while the audience went off to work on the farm.

"That was very good," Morton said.

"That was very wonderful," I amplified.

"Both meals already deducted from your account," Neebe smiled, handing me back my wirrdisc. "I added an order to transfer payment to Morton's account when it is opened."

"I love IM hospitality," I said. "It is personal without being financial. I want to learn more about your world."

"I will be happy to tell you anything you want to know," she said with that same endearing smile. What were these warm sensations that coursed through my body? I forgot them instantly as her smile faded. "But we will have to talk about it later. Right now I think you should see the TV. We recorded a broadcast made earlier this morning." It had to be Zennor - and it had to be bad news. I watched grimly as the screen lit up and a blast of martial music assaulted my ears. Troops marched, tanks rumbled by, guns fired. A recording undoubtedly; I recognized Mortstertoro base in the background. I suppose the sight of all this might was supposed to strike terror into the hearts of the viewers. I knew them well enough now to understand that they would just be puzzled at the waste of all this material and manpower for no observable reasonable purpose. I turned down the sound until the last tank had ground by, the last jet roared its last roar. The screen cleared and the familiar and loathsome features appeared.

"We are mighty, we are invincible - and we will prevail!" Zennor was coldly angry now. "I have been kind to your people. I have even been generous to my own misled soldiers. No more. I have shown you kindness because I am a kind man. Now I will teach you fear because my rule will not be mocked. You have aided and abetted deserters from our army - who are now under instant penalty of death. You must be aiding them because not one - not one of them took advantage of my kind offer of amnesty. Nor have any of them been found in this city. They could not have escaped without aid. Therefore the people of Bellegarrique are guilty of treason, of aiding traitors and deserters, and they will pay for their crimes. I speak to you now, you inhabitants of the rest of this country. The citizens of Bellegarrique know of their guilt for they are attempting to flee my wrath. This city is almost deserted now as they crawl away like the cowardly vermin that they are. But not all of them have escaped. I have seized and imprisoned hundreds of these traitors. I did this once before and my requests were granted. I was kind and generous and released the prisoners. I will not be as kind this time - or as easy to please. Here are my demands - and they will be met.

"Firstly, I want every escaped deserter returned to this city. I will not inflict the death penalty, but will enlist them instead in penal, hard-labor battalions. I said that I was a merciful man.

"Secondly, I demand that all of the services of this city be restored, electricity and public utilities, and the food markets must be reopened. This will be done. I want to see people returning today, I want the normal life of this city to be as it was when we arrived, I want the deserters turned over to the military police. You will do this, and begin doing it now."

He paused dramatically, then pointed his finger directly at the camera.

"You will do it because in one day from now I will shoot ten of the prisoners. I will shoot these first ten no matter what you do, as an object lesson that I mean what I say. I will shoot ten of them the next day and ten again the day after that if my orders are not obeyed. If my orders are obeyed the shooting will stop. But it will begin again whenever I feel that my desires are being thwarted." That was it. That was all. And it certainly was enough. The screen went blank and I found myself staring at Morton with nothing at all to say.

"There are rare cases of insanity like that here," Neebe said. "Gene changes not caught in prenatal examination. He is insane, isn't he? These things that he says he will do - they are impossible. He won't, really have innocent people killed?"

I was too ashamed of the human race to look at her, to answer her questions. Morton did; he was angry.

"Yes, he will, that is the worst part. I grew up with his kind of people in charge of my life. Believe me, he will do it."

"Then what can we do to stop him?"

"That is an almost unanswerable question," I said. "You can't force the deserters to undesert. Knowing IM you wouldn't even think of asking them. And I don't know what they will do voluntarily. If you had a government they could deal with Zennor, come up with some workable compromise perhaps. But he still hasn't realized that there is no central government to meet with. The future does not bear thinking about."

"But we have to think about it," Morton said, with a cold grimness I had never seen before. "Zennor must be killed. There is no other way."

"No!" Neebe said. "That is a hideous suggestion. This problem is so strange, so awful, that it would take the wisdom of Mark Forer itself to solve it."

"Maybe, maybe," I muttered. "But I feel that what is happening here is well beyond even the mighty capacities of that long-gone brain to solve."

"Nothing was ever beyond Mark Forer," she said with calm and unshakable belief. It angered me. It was like calling in the deity of your choice as you fell off the cliff, begging for aid. Praying for a heavenly hand that would never, never swoop down from the sky to save you.

"That is just an opinion, your opinion. And to me it sounds more like blind faith than intelligent thought. We have to work this out ourselves because Mark Forer is long gone, rusted away. It can't help us now."

"Mark Forer could help us," she said with calm unreason. "But of course we could never ask. That is a basic tenet of IM. We must solve our problems for ourselves. Everything we need to know is in the writings that it gave us."

"You are just jollying yourself along. You could ask, but you won't. That is a way out. You can't ask because it is not around to ask."

"That is not true," she said sweetly, smiling warmly upon my ill humor. "Mark Forer is in Bellegarrique, where it always has been."

I have known stoppers in my day. But this was the whopper topper stopper. I stared speechlessly at Morton. If I looked like he did then my jaw was hanging open, my eyes were popping and I was gurgling like an idiot, Neebe smiled warmly upon us and waited impatiently until we got reglued and were able to speak again. I sputtered first. "Mark Forer… gone… thousands of years ago…"

"Why? Essentially an artificial intelligence must be immortal. I suppose bits and pieces get replaced as they wear out, but the intelligence will remain the same. Or grow. We have always been immensely pleased that Mark Forer saw fit to accompany us to this world. We sincerely hope that it watches and approves of the way we practice IM. But of course we would never consider asking it for aid."

"Well I would," I said, climbing to my feet. "I certainly would ask for help without a moment's hesitation. Mark Four's social theories are about to get a lot of people shot dead. So that cold artificial intelligence had better have some answers how to arrange it so that they don't."

"But you will have to go back to Bellegarrique to dig Mark Four out," Morton said. I nodded grim agreement.

"I was hoping you wouldn't say that just yet. But, yes, Morton old friend. I've got to find where our great electronic leader lives and search it out. And there better be some ready answers."