The Rogue Crew

35

In her forge chamber at the mountain of Salamandastron, the Badger Lady Violet Wildstripe sat reading. She loved going back through the archives of her legendary fortress. It was early morning. She was sipping a beaker of coltsfoot and burdock tea, perusing the yellowed scrolls and volumes of past scribes. Lady Wildstripe looked up as a gentle tap sounded on her door.

It was Major Felton Fforbes. He eased himself into the chamber quietly. “Ahem, sorry to disturb ye, Milady.”

Putting aside her reading materials, she rose. “Bit of a chill on the air these last few days, Major. May I offer you some hot tea?”

Fforbes twitched his neat grey moustache, accepting the tea. This had almost developed into a morning ritual, as the two mulled over Salamandastron affairs.

The Badger Lady drifted across to the long window, which stood open to the outdoors. There was still a sea mist out on the western horizon. She inhaled deeply, leaning out slightly as she surveyed the mountainside. The major joined her, waiting politely to see what Lady Wildstripe had to say.

Breathing deeply once more, she exhaled slowly with a sigh. “Autumn days have a charm of their own, the aroma of heather and sea milkwort, enchanting!”

Fforbes gave a perfunctory sniff, nodding. “As ye say, Milady, nice scent of autumn, wot!”

She pointed to the lower slopes of the southern face. “And those mountain ash trees, see how they’ve become changed? All the leaves are red and golden brown.”

Fforbes took a quick glance at the rowans, which he had already seen several times since dawn. “Ahem, yes, indeed. Charmin’.”

They stood in silence, the major knowing what Lady Wildstripe’s question would be.

After a while she spoke. “No news of Captain Nightfur and his column today?”

The major drained his beaker, dabbing his moustache with the back of a paw. “No, Milady, ’fraid not. They’ve been gone for some time now, don’t know what the deuce is keepin’ ’em!” He humphed slightly. “Y’d think a simple mission to Lord Axehound on the High North Coast wouldn’t take ’em this long. Autumn’s almost a quarter gone. Let’s hope they make it back by winter, wot, wot?”

Lady Violet watched as the sea mist began evaporating into the soft warm day. “Do you think we should put out a search party, Major?”

Felton Fforbes placed his beaker firmly on the stone windowsill. “Search party, marm? What’n the name o’ blitherin’ seasons for? We’ve got up’ards of a score o’ Gallopers out on the dunes an’ across the northern shores. You’ll know immediately if they’re sighted. No need of search parties. None at all, I should say not!”

Lady Wildstripe felt rather nonplussed. “Why not?”

The major explained, with a hint of vehemence in his tone, “Rake Nightfur, Lieutenant Scutram, Corporal Dabbs an’ Colour Sarn’t Miggory, that’s why! How d’ye think warriors an’ veterans like them would feel? Havin’ t’be fetched back home by some bunch o’ shave-scutted leverets? They’d never live down the blinkin’ shame, Milady!”

Lady Violet spoke softly. “Forgive me, Major. I never thought of that. It’s just as well I have you to advise me.”

Felton Fforbes poured her another beaker of tea, his brusque manner vanishing. “Ahem, I wouldn’t fret over such things, Milady. Tell ye what, though, how’d you like t’go out on a patrol yourself?”

She looked puzzled momentarily. “Me, out on patrol? Whatever for, Major?”

The Long Patrol officer smiled briefly. “Call it a sort of jolly old exercise, wot! You an’ I, an’ the relief Gallopers, we could all go. That way you could see the lay o’ the land. Who knows, marm, ye might even spot Cap’n Nightfur an’ his column. As for the young Gallopers, they’d see it as some sort o’ test. Y’know they’re always out to impress their Badger Lady.”

Violet Wildstripe expressed surprise. “Oh, dear me, I never realised they felt that way.”

The Major chuckled. “Still learnin’, eh, Milady? Shall we say you’ll meet us all shortly on the foreshore? ’Twould be a pity t’waste such a glorious day—great hikin’ weather, wot!”

Lady Wildstripe was delighted at the prospect. “Right, then, I’ll be down in two ticks!”

Old Colonel Bletgore was seated on a smooth sun-warmed rock, leaning his chin on a long knob-handled stick. He accosted a passing Galloper. “I say there, young ripscut, where’s everybeast off to, eh, wot? Speak up!”

The Galloper saluted. She was bright eyed, bushy tailed and eager not to stop and gossip with the ancient colonel. But courtesy to a senior officer bade her reply. “It’s the Second Season Gallopers, sah, we’re to escort Lady Wildstripe on a patrol of the area, sah!”

Bletgore waved his stick at the young hare as she hurried off to join the ranks. “What’n the name o’ blitherin’ boulders would she want t’go on a confounded patrol for, eh . . . wot . . . wot?”

Thirty of the young hares stood lined up on the foreshore, every one brushed, combed, rigged out in light green tunics and fully armed. Lady Wildstripe paced alongside the major as he inspected them. She kept silent, letting Felton Fforbes comment.

“Ah, young Folderum, got Right Markers post, eh? Very good, your pa’d be proud of ye, laddie buck!”

Folderum saluted with his father’s sabre, which was still a trifle too large for him.

“Thankee, Major sah. The patrol are well armed, all carryin’ blades, ten with lances an’ the rest with bows an’ shafts . . . sah!”

The major nodded, moving on down the ranks. “Chin up, Miz Peasblossom. Tuck that tummy in, Grumby. Hold that lance upright, Twilby—don’t want to stab any of your messmates. Is that a top button I see undone, Frubbs Minor? Do it up, bucko, that’s the style!”

He turned to Lady Wildstripe, barking out briskly, “Parade all correct, Milady!”

She gave him a gracious smile. “Thank you, Major. Give the order to lead off. Perhaps with a good marching tune, please.”

Major Felton Fforbes made a small circle in the air with his swagger stick. “Patrol will lead off to the left—aye, an’ give us a lively song. How about ‘General Billyoh’s Rant.’ Right, off y’go, now, quick march!”

Every hare knew the marching song by heart. They roared it out with gusto into the clear autumn morn.

“Now, here’s a rule or two for you,

as outward bound ye stroll,

you’ve got to prove so true’n’blue,

to join the Long Patrol.

An’ here’s a tip, stiff upper lip,

when facin’ vermin foe,

give ’em lots o’ blood’n’vinegar

an’ General Billyoh!

Aye, General Billyoh, me lads, General Billyoh!

No quarter, no surrender, strike ’em hard an’ lay ’em

low!

“Eulalia is our battle cry,

so shout it long an’ loud,

Ye hail from Salamandastron

an’ don’t it make ye proud,

so when they see ye chargin’

hear the enemy wail ‘oh, no,’

we’re in for steel’n’slaughter

an’ General Billyoh!

’Tis General Billyoh they’ll get, General Billyoh,

throw open wide the Hellgates, an’ we’ll show ’em

where t’go!”

Stamping their pawprints in the damp sand, the column marched north along the beach. The sea was in floodtide, creating a din as it rolled in, with white-combed rollers booming as they broke on the coast. This, combined with the raucous calls of seabirds, vied with the song the young hares were singing.

With a twinkle in his eye, the major called out, baiting the patrol, “Is that the flippin’ best ye can do, wot? Lady Wildstripe an’ meself can hardly hear a word from any of ye!”

The Badger Lady caught on to what he was doing and joined in the fun, shouting aloud, “It must be the sound of the waves and those gulls squawking. I think ’tis drowning our singers out, Major. Mayhaps they could try a little harder, eh?”

The patrol began singing with renewed vigour, increasing their volume. Necks straining and ears flat back, they yelled out the song with all their power.

Major Fforbes shook his head sadly. “I tell ye, Milady, in my young Galloper seasons, I could’ve probably drowned’em all out with my voice. Young Foghorn Fforbes, they used to call me, wot!”

Lady Wildstripe hid a chuckle. “Oh, I don’t doubt it, Major. Perhaps they haven’t reached full volume yet. Maybe if they sing it once more, we’ll hear them loud and clear.”

It was some time before the young hares realised what was going on. By then they had sung themselves hoarse.

Peasblossom fluttered her eyelids at the officer. “It’s no good, sah. We’ll never be as jolly good as you were. I say, d’you think you could sing out an’ show us how?”

Major Felton Fforbes touched his throat, uttering a cough. “Ahem, ahem. . . . Wish I could, missy, but I’ve got this sore throat, d’ye see. Not possible, I’m afraid. Column, left wheel, let’s try a hike into the dunes, wot!”

They halted at midday in a sheltered hollow between four sandhills. Provisions were broached whilst they sat down to relax. Scones, dried fruit and elderflower cordial were passed around.

Lady Wildstripe remarked to Folderum, who was sitting nearby, “Well, young sir, are you enjoying our little foray?”

Folderum nodded enthusiastically. “Oh yes, Milady, it’s absolutely top hole out here, wot!”

The Badger Lady gazed up at the warm blue sky. “I agree. It’s so long since I’ve been away from the mountain. How would you like to spend the night out here? Would you like to camp down on the heathland?”

She was met with an overwhelming reply from the patrol.

“Oh, I say, that’d be bloomin’ splendid, wot!”

“Rather—a full night out under the blinkin’ stars!”

“Oh, marm, say we can, please. It’d be jolly good fun!”

Lady Wildstripe looked to Felton Fforbes. “What do you think, Major?”

Fforbes chewed on a candied chestnut. “Hmm, I doubt whether Colonel Bletgore’d approve.”

Young Grumby was heard to murmur, “Don’t suppose he’d even miss us, he sleeps so bloomin’ much, the old fogey.”

The major fixed Grumby with a severe look, which dissolved into a grin. “No, I don’t suppose he would, an’ if you’re lucky enough t’reach his age, you wouldn’t either, Grumby. Anyhow, ’twould be gone dark by the time we got back to Salamandastron. So if a night out in the open’d agree with ye, Milady, then I’m all for it, wot!”

The remainder of that fine day was spent happily. Leaving the dunes, they trekked off onto the heathland, singing and joking with one another. The Badger Lady was still young enough to enjoy herself with the Gallopers and sang out as loud as anybeast. In the early evening, the major spotted a suitable campsite.

“Over yonder—twixt that flat-sided hummock an’ those gorse bushes. We’ll be protected on two sides, eh!”

Folderum’s ears twitched; he held up a paw. “Quiet, you chaps. I think I can hear runnin’ water. Maybe there’s a brook hereabouts, wot?”

The major tapped him with his swagger stick. “Well done, laddie buck, very observant of ye!”

Peasblossom sniggered, whispering to Lady Wildstripe, “Very observant, my left paw, Milady. He’s Galloped round here before—I know he has, the flippin’ fraud!”

Darkness fell on a scene of contentment. A fire had been built from dead gorse, water was bubbling to make dandelion tea, and the hares were toasting scones on their swordpoints. Major Fforbes relented and rendered a song. The young Gallopers were surprised at the richness of his fine baritone voice, none of them having heard him sing before. He made the heathlands echo, his tones ringing up into the velvet star-strewn night.

“My friends, now let us pause,

survey these great outdoors,

they’re here for me, they’re here for you,

all pals an’ comrades good an’ true.

I must say who could ask for more,

the sky’s our roof, the earth’s our floor,

out in the great outdoors!

Kind season, treat us right,

don’t let it rain this night,

forbid that gales blow fierce,

or frost our hides to pierce,

pay heed an’ help our cause,

out in the great outdoors!

But havin’ said all that,

just look at where we’re at,

with a roarin’ fire to toast our paws,

I’ll warm mine, an’ you warm yours,

whilst happily we sing an’ shout,

out out out out, out out out out!

Out in the great outdoors!”

There were further campfire songs, riddles, jokes and poems. The patrol were totally at their ease. Lady Wildstripe lay back, surveying the starry night sky, with its huge, white moon shedding pale, silent light over all.

Young Peasblossom gave a gusty sigh. “Ain’t it jolly good, Milady, I mean, bein’ out here an’ all that? Wish we could stay out here all season, wot!”

Ruffling the haremaid’s ears, Lady Wildstripe smiled. “Indeed, it’s very enjoyable. D’you know, I’ve decided that we’re going to do this a lot more in the future.”

The major interrupted with his customary briskness. “Beg pardon, Milady, but I think it’s about shut-eye time for these young uns. Folderum, take Grumby an’ Frubbs Minor. Mount a movin’ sentry. Keep circlin’ the area outside o’ the camp. No need to march, but stay movin’—stop ye noddin’ off. Both eyes peeled, all around at all times. I’ll send a relief after midnight.”

Folderum saluted. “Understood, sah!”

The rest of the patrol settled down after banking up the fire. Within moments, the calm autumn night had worked its spell. Everybeast was slumbering peacefully.

From where he was walking, Folderum could make out Frubbs Minor’s back. Every now and then, he would turn to catch sight of Grumby, some way behind him. They had been circling the camp for a while when Grumby broke off and walked away.

Folderum saw this. Catching Grumby up, he tapped his back. “Beg pardon, but where d’ye think you’re off to, eh?”

Grumby wiped a paw across his mouth. “I’m flippin’ well parched, old lad. Just nippin’ back t’camp to see if there’s a drop o’ that dandelion tea.”

Being responsible for the sentry walk, Folderum turned Grumby around. “Oh, no, you’re not, bucko. Y’don’t do that sort o’ thing when you’re guardin’ our comrades. There’ll be plenty o’ time for bloomin’ tea once we’re relieved.”

Grumby went dutifully back to his task, though Frubbs Minor had already passed. Folderum strode off, keeping him in sight. This left Grumby pacing along behind Folderum. They continued without further incident, though Frubbs Minor slowed his pace.

Turning, he whispered aloud to Folderum, “I say, we’ve been trudgin’ round out here for blinkin’ ages. When’s that relief comin’, wot?”

Folderum waved him on. “They’ll come when the major sends ’em. You just carry on patrollin’, m’laddo. Er, what are ye starin’ at, pray?”

Frubbs Minor was looking past Folderum. “Where’s Grumby got to?”

There was a muffled squeak from behind the hill.

Folderum narrowed his eyes meaningly. “I told him he couldn’t go to the camp for tea. I know where he’ll be at, though. He’ll be gluggin’ water, round at that brook. Come on!”

No sooner were they in sight of the brook than Folderum spotted Grumby—he was struggling to break free from a gang of dark figures.

Folderum drew his sword. “Hurry, Frubbs, get back t’the major, tell him we’re bein’ ambushed. Looks like vermin t’me. Go!”

Frubbs Minor scooted off whilst Folderum dashed to Grumby’s aid. Though he was outrageously outnumbered, the brave young hare charged in, waving his sabre and roaring, “Eulaliiiiaaaaa!”

Suddenly taken aback, the foebeasts paused momentarily. That was enough for Grumby. He wriggled free, dashing to his companion’s side. He had lost his weapons, so he armed himself with a rock, brandishing it as he echoed the cry.

“Eulaliiiaaaa!”

The enemies were vermin, a villainous-looking bunch about a score in number. Now over their initial surprise, they swiftly recovered and advanced snarling on the two young Patrollers. Then the night air reverberated with the Salamandastron war cry, bellowed forth by the rest of the patrol and a tall badger with a thunderous yell. “Eulaliiiiiaaaaa!”

The villains fled south, but Major Fforbes shouted orders when he saw which way they were heading.

“Don’t chase ’em yet! Cut ’em off—they mustn’t go that way. Come on, Gallopers! Milady, you take some t’the left, an’ I’ll go right with the rest. Outpace the blighters an’ get behind ’em! They mustn’t reach Salamandastron!”

The Badger Lady took off, calling to her creatures, “Come on, let’s show them how Long Patrol Gallopers run!”

The vermin were left slack-jawed as the hares raced by them, skidded to a halt, then turned to face them. Still armed with only a piece of rock, Grumby screeched, “Yahaaarrr, give ’em blood’n’vinegar!”

This time the vermin ran back into the heathland, their paws pounding with renewed speed, the speed of panic. None wanted to stand and face the huge badger and her hares.

Young Twilby was already dashing after them when the major neatly tripped him.

“Stand fast until you’re ordered to charge, laddie buck. Steady in the ranks, there!”

Every hare was trembling with anticipation, weapons ready.

Major Felton Fforbes brought them back to earth with a bump. “I said stand fast! Now, anybeast injured or slain?” He looked about to assure himself. “All present an’ correct, eh? Good! Patrol awaitin’ your orders, Milady!”

Not quite certain of her next move, Lady Wildstripe paused before addressing them.

“Er, quite. . . . You all did very well tonight, particularly you, Folderum, and thank you, Major, for your quick thinking. As for those vermin, well, I really don’t know. If we chased them, it might be dawn before we caught up, eh, Major?”

Felton Fforbes knew that she was seeking his experienced advice. He nodded, putting up his blade. “As y’say, Milady, they’ve got a good head start. We’d be runnin’ all night to catch the rascals up. I think we should go back to camp, marm, get a good night’s rest, wot!”

The crestfallen young hares dragged their paws on the way back to camp. The major jollied them along. “We’ll keep a sharp lookout at dawn. If they’re determined t’come back this way, they’ll have to get past us first. Then we’ll show ’em fur’n’slaughter, wot!” The patrol arrived back at camp in high spirits.

“Huh, vermin, did ye see the way they tucked in their tails an’ ran off?”

“Aye, truth is, they didn’t fancy facin’ Long Patrol warriors!”

The major murmured to Lady Wildstripe, “Hope I did the right thing, Milady. These young uns ain’t been in a killin’ an’ slayin’ fight yet.”

She patted his paw. “Thank you, Major, you did right. By the way, you don’t think they’ll return this way, do you?”

Felton Fforbes chuckled. “Not if I’m any judge o’ vermin. We’re not babes an’ old uns—we train fighters, Milady.” Throwing more fuel on the fire, he settled down. “Folderum, change the sentry, will ye, there’s a good beast. The rest of ye, stop chatterin’ an’ get some sleep.”

Dawn’s first light was heralded by Peasblossom, who was on sentry, racing into the camp. “Sah! Milady! They’re comin’ back, those flamin’ vermin!”

To seek a better view, all three climbed to the hilltop behind the camp. News spread quickly; soon almost all the Patrol were up beside them. Having exceptionally good sight, Lady Wildstripe soon picked out the vermin on the heathland. “Hmm, it’s a bit misty out there, but that might be them, eh, Major?”

Felton Fforbes shielded his eyes as sunlight turned the mist into a blanket of golden tendrils. “Looks like ’em, Milady, about the same number I’d say. But they fled from us last night, so why are they runnin’ back toward us in such a blinkin’ hurry? They’re not even tryin’ to sneak up on us, like vermin do. Very strange, marm!”

The reason became startlingly clear a moment later. Folderum shouted wildly, “It’s the ship! Look . . . the ship!”

The vessel Greenshroud emerged, riding a breeze, which was dispersing the mist lazily. Amongst the young hares speculation ran rife.

“Are they showin’ their crew where we are?”

“Looks like we’ve got a real battle t’face now, chaps!”

“Well, stand by, buckoes—true blue an’ never fail, wot!” The major rapped out an order. “Everybeast down below this hilltop. Don’t dare show an eartip until I see what’s goin’ on. Smartly now!”

They obeyed with alacrity, but not without comment.

“I say, aren’t we goin’ to fight ’em, sah?”

“Not like warrior hares, hidin’ from a jolly old scrap, eh?”

Lady Wildstripe’s voice silenced further speculation. “It’s not a matter of hiding from a fight. Do as the major says. The way they’re running, it looks like the ship may be chasing them. It could be some sort of mutiny amongst the crew, vermin fighting vermin.”

Peasblossom chuckled. “Oh, I say, wouldn’t that save us a blinkin’ job, wot. It’d cut the odds down a bit, Milady.”

The badger nodded. “Perhaps it would. Let’s wait and see.”

The major interrupted. “That ship had a large crew last time it visited Salamandastron. Even if they slew those vermin who are runnin’, we’d still be well outnumbered. Milady, the best thing we could do is retreat to our mountain.’Twould give us more of a fightin’ chance.”

The Badger Lady lay flat, peering over the hilltop. “You’re right, of course, Major, but I’d like to see the outcome of this incident first. They’re closer now—it’s the gang who were here last night, sure enough.”

Overcome by curiosity, the major and the rest of the contingent joined her to watch. Like all young hares, they kept up a commentary.

“Hah, those runners are slowin’ down. Must be winded, wot!”

“Oh, look, a band have jumped from the ship. They’re after ’em like Billyoh!”

“Haha, so they are! C’mon, you rascals, give those other rascals a spot o’ blood’n’vinegar. Get ’em!”

Lady Wildstripe stood up abruptly, in full view. “Those beasts that came from the ship—they’re not vermin, they’re otters . . . and hares, too!”

The screams of falling vermin mixed on the breeze with fierce ringing war cries.

“Yaylahooooh!”

“Eulaliiiiaaaaa!”

Drawing his sword, the major ran toward the conflict. “That’s Cap’n Rake. I’d know those twin claymores anywhere! Aye, an’ there’s Sarn’t Miggory. Eulaliiiiaaaa, you chaps!”

The Patrol drew blades and lances, dashing along with him. “Eulaliiiiaaaa! Eulaliiiiiaaaaa!”

Skor Axehound despatched the last vermin with a mighty sweep of his battleaxe. He leaned on the haft, nodding at the approaching patrol. “Looks like some o’ yore young bucks, Rake, tryin’ to make a name for themselves. A bit late I’d say, eh?”

Rake Nightfur wiped his blades on a slain corsair before sheathing them across his back.

“Aye, Ah reckernise Major Fforbes by his war cry. Och, he’s a braw singer, the noo. But Ah cannae help wonderin’ what they’re doin’ sae far frae Salamandastron.”

Sergeant Miggory shook his head in disapproval. “Chargin’ off like h’a load o’ bees to brekkist, h’an leavin’ their lady h’on’er own. Bad form, sah!”

Lady Wildstripe could be seen descending the hill with slow dignity. Rake called out, “Bawdsley, Fletchers, Miz Ferrul, hop tae it an’ provide escort for Lady Wildstripe!”

Skor nudged his son Ruggan. “You go, too, an’ mind yore manners. She’s a Mountain Lord . . . er, Lady!”

He signalled to the vessel. “Ahoy, bring ’er for’ard an’ help the Badger Lady aboard when ye reach her. We’ll take her back to Salamandastron in style!”