The Monster Within

CHAPTER TWO

I STARED at his wrinkled form for a moment, unable to believe what had happened. My hands shook. I turned them over, examining both sides, horrified that I had somehow ended this man’s life with my bare hands. I wasn’t sure how it had happened, what I’d done. All I knew was I was to blame. I was a killer. The sound of the bell above the convenience store door brought reality slamming back to me. I raised myself up in the back seat to look out the window. Ethan was walking back to the car with a bag in one hand and a tray with two cups of coffee in the other.

I couldn’t stay here. I couldn’t let Ethan know what I’d done. I scrambled across the seat and out of the car, keeping low so Ethan wouldn’t see me. As he fumbled with his keys, I ran around to the side of the store. I took a deep breath and patted the front of my dress, trying to regain my composure. Stepping out from the shadows, I called Ethan’s name. He looked up at me in surprise.

“Where were you?”

“I had to use the bathroom.” My voice shook as I motioned over my shoulder, hoping he hadn’t noticed the bathrooms were inside the store, not around the side of it.

He narrowed his eyes at me. “You left your door open.”

“Yeah, sorry. It was an emergency.” I got back in the car and helped him with the bag and coffees, trying to push the image of the dead man out of my mind. “I guess my body is functioning properly.” I forced a little laugh, but inside, I was crying, crying for the man I’d killed.

Ethan smiled and leaned over to kiss me softly on the lips. “I told you. You’re just fine. Completely you again. Everything is functioning exactly as it should be.”

Then why had my body given out on me? Why had I felt like the life was draining out of me until… I wondered how long it would take someone to find the man slumped in the back seat of his car. If I was normal again, alive, then how had I killed him? Drained the life out of him?

Ethan tapped my forehead. “Where did you go?”

I shook my head. “Sorry. Being back takes a little getting used to, I guess.”

A woman screamed, and Ethan and I turned to see what was going on. The woman was standing by her car. The same car I’d gotten out of only moments ago. The car where the man was dead in the back seat. I looked around the parking lot, noticing there were no other cars. Of course the woman and the little boy were with the man who’d tried to help me. My heart tore to pieces as I watched the woman try to shield the little boy’s eyes from the sight of his dead father.

“Stay here,” Ethan said. “I’m going to see what’s wrong.”

I grabbed his arm, squeezing his wrist as if my life depended on keeping him in this car. Maybe it did. “Don’t. We can’t draw attention to ourselves. We don’t even have our fake IDs yet. Please, Ethan.”

He looked at me with such love in his eyes. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Too late. Something already had. Something I didn’t understand.

Ethan started the car and pulled out of the parking lot without another thought about the woman or why she was screaming. I felt awful. I’d played the helpless damsel in distress card. That wasn’t me at all. I was a killer, a monster. And I hated that Ethan was willing to forget about the poor woman and little boy just because I’d asked him to.

“Hey, what happened to your knees?” Ethan reached over and pushed up the hem of my dress, exposing my skinned knees.

“Oh, it’s nothing.” I gently pushed his hands away. “I fell when I got out of the car. It’s these high heels. I’m not sure why Mom had me buried in them. I’ve never worn high heels a day in my life.” I was babbling to cover up how much I was freaking out on the inside.

Ethan rubbed my cheek with his thumb. “Aw, sweetie, why didn’t you rinse the cuts in the bathroom? They could get infected.”

Damn it. I didn’t even think about my little lie leading to more questions. I wasn’t used to lying, not to Ethan.

“I guess I wasn’t thinking clearly. I wanted to get back to the car as quickly as possible. I don’t like being away from you.” I hoped that sounded believable and not too needy. Ethan and I had always been together, but we weren’t exactly codependent. We were fine on our own, too. Only that wasn’t true for me anymore. The first time Ethan left me alone, I’d done something horrible, unforgiveable.

“Give yourself time. You’ll see there’s nothing to be afraid of. Everything is like it was before, only without the—”

“Cancer,” I finished for him. No, I didn’t have cancer anymore, but I did have some sort of disease. One that kept me on the verge of death. One that made me feed off another human being’s life. I was like some zombie-vampire hybrid. This was so much worse than having cancer.

Ethan kept stealing sideways glances while he drove. Finally he said, “New rule. No one uses the C-word anymore. It doesn’t exist. It’s all in the past.”

I nodded. There wasn’t really a word to accurately describe what I’d become now.

We drove the rest of the way in silence. Ethan seemed to know I needed time to process things. He was always good at reading me. Only this time, I hoped he couldn’t read too much. What would it do to him to know he’d brought back a monster? I had to protect him from that. He was all I had.

I nodded off again, most likely because my brain couldn’t handle what I’d become, and when I woke up we were parked in a gravel driveway. A rundown old shack stood in front of us. The roof looked like it was about to cave in, and the front door was hanging crookedly. I could tell the cottage—at least that’s what Ethan had called it—had once been white, but the paint was almost completely peeled off. The only way to describe the color now was rotten wood tone.

Ethan shut the car off and turned toward me. “Well, this is it. I know it isn’t much, but I can fix it up a little. My dad always made me help him when he did stuff around the house. I’m sure there are some tools in the shed around back, and we have a little money if we need to buy paint or wood.”

“We have money?” Where did he get money from?

“I emptied my bank account before—” Before he’d brought me back from the dead. “It’s enough to get us going. I’ll find a job once we get settled. Something to pay the electric and water bills.”

“I can get a job, too.”

He opened his mouth to protest, but I shot him a look. I was not going to sit holed up in this cottage while he worked. I’d never been that kind of girl, and I wasn’t about to start now. Besides, sitting would give me too much time to think about that poor man and what I’d done to him.

“Maybe we can find something at the same place. We only have one car, so it would be easier if we could drive to and from work together.”

That seemed like a lot to ask—a place looking for two new employees to work the exact same shift. But I didn’t want to be negative, so I just nodded.

“Well, should we go inside?”

I swallowed hard, wondering how much worse the inside could be. I forced a smile and opened my car door. Ethan met me at the hood of the car and took my hand. I didn’t say anything, but I had a feeling he was afraid one or both of us would end up going through the front steps. They definitely needed to be replaced. I walked up the edge by the railing, hoping it would have the most support.

Keys weren’t going to be an issue. The door was open. Who would lock a place as decrepit as this? Ethan held the door for me as I slipped inside. I stepped just far enough for him to reach behind me and fumble for a light switch. A single bulb went on in the center of the living room. The fixture had four bulbs, but only one was working. And for that, I was thankful. Seeing this place in better lighting would’ve been even more depressing.

The living room consisted of a worn-out couch and a wooden table with a broken leg. To the left of the living room was a tiny kitchen with a sink, stove, refrigerator, and table for two. Beyond that was a bathroom too dark to see into, but I could imagine the horrors waiting for us in there. Beyond the living room was a door, which I could only assume led to a bedroom.

That sent shivers down my spine. Ethan and I had the best relationship I could imagine. We couldn’t have been closer. But…we hadn’t exactly slept together. We almost did once. When I stopped my treatments, and we knew the end was near. It was one of the things I wanted to do before I died, but I was too weak. Now Ethan and I would be living in this tiny cottage with one bedroom. One bed. I loved him. I didn’t doubt that. But I was scared. I didn’t know what was going on with me. What was wrong with me? I’d already lied to Ethan. I couldn’t be that intimate with him when I couldn’t even tell him the truth about what happened at the gas station. Tears welled up in my eyes. I couldn’t stop picturing that man’s wrinkled face.

“Hey.” Ethan rubbed my arm. “I know it’s pretty bad, but I promise I’ll fix it up. The sun is already coming up, so I’ll check the shed and see what I can get started on right away.”

“You haven’t slept. You must be exhausted.”

He smiled. “Are you kidding me? I got you back. I’m so energized I could repaint the whole place and fix that table without taking a break.” He kissed my forehead. “How about you? Are you tired?”

I wasn’t. Ever since the incident at the gas station, I’d felt full of life. I hated that I felt so good, knowing I’d been responsible for that man’s death. I pushed the thought away. I couldn’t deal with it right now. “I’m fine. I’ll see what I can do in here. You know, start cleaning.” I looked around, not a clue where to start.

“Good luck.” Ethan squeezed my elbow gently before heading back outside.

The entire place was covered in about five inches of dust, so I figured I should open some windows and start wiping everything down. The sun poured into the kitchen window, and I blinked against it. My eyes weren’t used to the brightness anymore. I turned away, my eyelids fluttering with a flurry of black spots. My legs wobbled, and I staggered back, bumping my hip against the cabinet under the kitchen sink.

“Ow.” I was reaching for my hip when my vision went black. I couldn’t see a thing. Only darkness. “Ethan!” I called out. Before I could say another word, my vision returned. But it wasn’t the cottage I saw. It was a garden with flowers and a long, red carpet. A couple stood under a beautiful wooden archway with roses woven around it. I turned my head, searching for something familiar, something that would tell me what this place was and why I was seeing it. My eyes scanned the crowd sitting in the white seats. Rows of dresses and suits. Finally I saw a man with gray hair. He was dressed in a nice black suit, but he wore a black cowboy hat on his head.

Oh, God. It was him. The man I’d killed. I knew it was.

He took his wife’s hand and squeezed it. “Can you believe our son is twenty-seven years old and getting married?”

His wife turned and smiled at him. “Yeah, twenty-seven. That makes us pretty old.”

He patted her hand. “No, it makes us lucky.”

Everything went black again. I blinked my eyes, begging my sight to return. Even seeing the dilapidated cottage would’ve been better than this. The darkness reminded me of death. Forms started to take shape as my vision slowly returned.

What was that? How had I seen that man? And on his son’s wedding day? Maybe I hadn’t killed him. Maybe he’d just fainted in the car, and I was too scared to notice. Maybe the universe was trying to let me know I wasn’t a monster after all.

“Hey, babe.” Ethan opened the door, letting the sunlight filter into the room. “Do you want—” I must have looked awful, because the second he saw me, he rushed to my side. “What’s wrong?”

How did I answer that? I didn’t want to lie to him, not after all he’d done for me. I put my hand to my hip. “I hurt myself. It was stupid. My eyes are still a little sensitive to the sun. You know, from—”

“Sure.” He didn’t let me finish my sentence. “Let me see. Did you cut yourself?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t look at it yet.”

He started lifting the hem of my skirt, trying to see how bad my hip was, but I stepped back.

“What?” He looked hurt.

“I—I’m sorry. Everything is making me jumpy.”

“Including me?”

That had been the wrong thing to say. Now I’d insulted him. “No.” I reached for his hand. “You know I love you.”

“But you don’t want me to see you…naked.” He nodded, but I could tell he didn’t really understand.

“I know we almost…once, but things are different now. I’m different.”

He cupped the side of my face in his hand. “No, you’re not. What do I have to do to make you believe that?” He searched my eyes for an answer, but I didn’t have one to give. “You’re the same, and so are we.”

“I just don’t know if I can pick up where we left off. I need a little time to adjust. This is a lot for me to take in all at once.” That was only half of it, but I couldn’t bear to tell him the rest.

“Do you want me to sleep on the couch or something?”

“No.” I took his hand again. “We can sleep in the same bed, but let’s take things slow, okay?”

“Is that all that’s bothering you?”

No, but I didn’t say that. Instead I leaned forward and kissed him softly on the lips. “What did you want to ask me when you came in?”

I could tell he didn’t want to drop this, but he wasn’t going to fight with me over it. “I found some paint in the shed. It’s off-white. Do you want me to paint anything?”

“Everything. This place needs a major face-lift.”

“Okay. I’ll get started on the outside first while you finish cleaning up a bit in here.”

“Thanks.” He started to walk away, but I held on to his hand, making him turn back to me. “I promise I’ll be okay, and we’ll get back to where we were. I just need time.”

“You have a lifetime.”

Yes, I did. Thanks to him. But after the incident at the gas station, I wasn’t sure that was what I wanted.

I went back to the cabinet below the kitchen sink. It had come open when I bumped into it. I figured it was as good a place as any to store cleaning supplies, so I started digging through it. I found some old sponges, an almost-empty bottle of dish detergent, a few pans, and a wooden box. I shimmied forward, trying to reach the wooden box. My scraped knees rubbed against the edge of the cabinet, making me wince. I really needed to clean out those cuts and bandage them. This place was dirty enough to infect any open wound.

I was about to stand up and take care of the cuts, but then I thought that maybe the wooden box was some kind of medical kit. It might have some Band-Aids or at least some gauze. I ducked my head and reached farther into the cabinet. My fingers wrapped around the box, and I pulled it out from its hiding place. I sat on the floor, ready to fix my knees. The box had no latch at all, but there were brass hinges on one side, which meant the top opened sideways instead of lifting off. I raised the front edge and tilted it back.

It wasn’t a medical kit. The box was filled with weird stuff. Red berries, leaves, and herbs I couldn’t identify. I dug deeper, feeling something smooth and cool in my fingers. I pulled it out and gasped. It was a small animal bone. At least I assumed it was an animal bone. Dropping it back into the box, I wiped my hands on my dress. I didn’t want to risk touching any more bones, but I couldn’t help wondering what else was in there. I picked up the box with both hands and gently tilted it so the contents shifted to one side. More bones. Something shiny peeked through the leaves and herbs, so I tilted the box again to get a better look.

A red stone in a platinum setting rested in the leaves. I knew the stone. It was a ruby. My birthstone. But more than that, I knew the ring. Ethan had given it to me for my birthday just a few months ago. I picked it up and placed it on my finger. A perfect fit.

Now the question remained. Why was my ring in this box with a bunch of bones? I’d given it back to Ethan two weeks before I died. I wanted him to have it to remember me. He told me he didn’t need a silly ring to remind him of me, but I’d insisted. I couldn’t believe he’d stash it in a box with the rest of this stuff.

What was he keeping from me?