The Lost

Chapter Twenty-five: Shapes in the Snow

“All right, ma’am?” Major Franklin’s brow was furrowed as he met Sam at the Hammond’s main hatch, though his flight suit was spotless. “I’m sorry I don’t have service dress with me.”

“Neither do I,” Sam said, gesturing down at her own flightsuit. Given that her closet on the Hammond was ten inches wide, her class As were at home, neatly shrouded in plastic in the closet, just like her bike was in Jack’s garage. Somehow she hadn’t thought she’d need them in the Pegasus Galaxy. “You look fine.”

“I’ve never gone to a formal dinner in an alien city,” Franklin said. “With aliens.”

“The aliens won’t seem very alien to you,” Sam said encouragingly as they hurried across the pier to the door. The wind had picked up as night fell, and it was going to start snowing any minute. “The humans in the Pegasus Galaxy look just like us, give or take ten thousand years of separation. They’re not really any different. You’ve got the same kind of politics, the same motivations. People are people anywhere. It’s just their customs that are different.”

He followed her along the corridor. Left here, she thought, to the transport chamber. If she remembered correctly.

“The Genii are a fairly conservative society. Very structured, very rigid in their collective labor. Their science and technology belong to the state, as does their agriculture, and the free market is limited to crafted items and consumables. Big families, fairly strict gender roles, low tolerance for homosexuality. Chief Scientist Dahlia Radim is the first female Chief Scientist the Genii have had. They say it’s because she’s the head of state’s sister.” Sam shrugged. “They’re probably right. The Genii don’t often let women rise to those kinds of positions of authority unless they’ve got powerful patronage. But I would not underestimate her, Franklin. Just because she’s the only woman in the boys’ club and she got there because she knows nuclear physics…”

“I follow that, ma’am,” Franklin said fervently. He could see the direction that was going.

The transport chamber was exactly where she remembered it was. A good thing, as these corridors were freezing. Probably because her people had been flapping the doors all afternoon.

“Any other aliens I should know about?” he asked.

“I’d go with citizens of the Pegasus Galaxy if I were you,” Sam said, stepping in. “And the only other likely to be at the dinner is Teyla Emmagan. She’s been a contractor with us for more than five years, and her people, the Athosians, are the best friends we’ve got out here.”

“And she’s Colonel Sheppard’s wife?” Franklin asked.

Sam blinked. “Where’d you hear that?”

“One of the IOA members at the launch,” Franklin said.

“Nechayev.” Sam rolled her eyes. “He was hitting on her when she was on Earth, so Sheppard told Nechayev she was married to him. You can disregard that.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Franklin grinned. “But you hear some pretty wild things about gate teams.”

“None of which bear repeating,” Sam said sternly, and Franklin’s grin vanished.

“Yes, ma’am.”

The transport chamber doors opened on a different part of the city entirely.

It was, Sam thought, fairly surreal. A long table and chairs had been set up in the top room of one of the towers, a round dome that Sam had always loved for its 360 view of sky and sea, nothing but glass all around, an absolutely stunning view with Atlantis lit up like a Christmas tree, every tower blazing white and blue and green.

Woolsey was in a dark suit, while Sheppard looked uncommonly scrubbed in his class A’s. Sam didn’t think she’d seen him wear them except for funerals, a blast from the past right there.

Teyla came forward to greet her like an old friend, forehead to forehead, as though she had not seen her on Earth only six weeks ago. “Colonel Carter, it is good to have you back.”

“Teyla,” Sam said, her forehead inclining to Teyla’s, as she was considerably taller. “And it’s wonderful to be back. May I introduce you to Major Tyrone Franklin, the Hammond’s first officer?”

“It’s a pleasure, ma’am,” Franklin said, bobbing somewhere between a head butt and a handshake.

“Major Franklin.” Teyla offered her hand, thereby resolving the dilemma. “Welcome to the Pegasus Galaxy.”

I'm happy to be here, ma'am.

You may call me Teyla, Teyla said with a smile, As I hold no military rank.

I should speak to Jennifer, Sam said to Teyla quietly, having just seen Dr. Keller across the room, standing by herself looking out at the city, forlorn looking in a black cocktail dress.

Of course, Teyla said, and her eyes were grave. You know?

I do. Sam nodded. It's rough. Rodney.

We will get him back, Teyla said firmly.

Yes, Sam said, and refrained from adding, if he's still alive. There was never any good reason to add that.

She excused herself to Teyla, leaving Franklin in her care, and made her way over to stand beside Jennifer. Or. Keller?

Colonel Carter. Jennifer looked pale, but her face was set.

I just wanted to say that I'm terribly sorry about Rodney.

We'll get him back, Jennifer said.

Of course. And if there is anything I can do personally as well as professionally. Sam ran out of an end for that sentence. She was never any good at these kinds of conversations. Thankfully, Jennifer didn't seem to be either. They stood there looking dumb at each other for a long moment.

How is Atlantis? Sam dredged up.

Good. Good. Jennifer jumped on it nervously. Ronon and I just got back from talking to Todd.

Miss Radim, I'd like to introduce you to Colonel Carter, Woolsey said behind her. Colonel Carter is in command of our newest battlecruiser, the George Hammond.

Back on safe ground. She never knew how to have these conversations with anyone who hadn't drunk the Kool Aid, how to make the formulaic responses to premature condolences that might not be premature at all, and Jennifer hadn't. Conversations with her usually seemed to land on weird ground, teetering back and forth between too distant and too personal. It always worked that way with women not in the service. Except for Teyla, but she didn't really count. She might not have drunk it, but she was pretty darn familiar with the Kool Aid by now. Sam supposed this was why most of her friends were men.

Major Franklin had fetched Teyla a drink very properly, and now he was rubbernecking while trying to look as though he weren't, a thing almost all the men from Earth did when they first came to Atlantis. It did look spectacular, Atlantis amid the falling snow, white towers shining like beacons through the blowing gusts. Outside it would be very unpleasant, the winds blowing nearly gale force over whitecapped sea, whipping around the towers with a cold that would cut like a razor blade. Inside, they ate pickled ciano berries and drank vermouth martinis like so many children left in the house of their parents while their parents are away.

The City of the Ancestors is beautiful, is it not? Teyla said softly.

It's gorgeous, Franklin breathed, his eyes on the skyline bright against the dark sea.

I admit that sometimes it still takes me by surprise, Teyla said.

You aren't from here?

Teyla shook her head. My people the Athosians are a pastoral people. We have not built cities like this since the great war. We cannot defend them, you see, and a settled people are an easy target.She gestured with her glass to Dahlia Radim, who was staying pointedly across the room from her. The Genii, on the other hand, hide their cities underground in the hopes that they will escape the attention of the Wraith thus. There are many civilizations in this galaxy, Major, and as many ways of living as human beings can invent. The only constant is that we are hunted. Here, human beings are prey.

Franklin nodded. And so you want our help.

Some of us do, and some of us do not. Since Sateda fell, the Genii have been the strongest human civilization in the galaxy, so you must not think they will be glad to see you. Why should they be? If it were not for you, they might be the next short lived empire.

I don't understand.

Do you not have empires on your homeworld, Major Franklin? It is human nature for civilizations to expand, and there are some that absorb others. On your world they fight, or so I have read, until one or another fails. Here, it is more often that the strongest is leveled by the Wraith. Whenever it seems that we will come together, either by force or by treaty, the Wraith destroy it. If they do not, then sooner or later they know that we will successfully resist them. But as long as they keep knocking down the strongest, that will not happen. She raised her glass and took a quick sip. Sateda was the most recent one. They had radios and electric lights, trolley cars and energy beam weapons, steel mills and antibiotics. And so they were killed, even those the Wraith did not feed upon, so that there would be no one who knew how to make those things. If you are here long, you will meet my friend Ronon Dex, who was of the Satedan Immortals, stood in their last battle against the Wraith, and endured much in the years after.

I would like very much to meet him, ma'am, Franklin said.

He often works out with the Marines in the morning, Teyla said. Perhaps if you are in the gym you will see him. She took a step toward the window, unexpectedly feeling her hip give way. She stumbled and nearly fell, catching herself against the glass.

Franklin grabbed for her elbow ineffectually. I'm sorry. Ma'am, are you ill?

I am fine, Teyla said. I injured my hip on the last mission, and it is tender. Dr. Bauer has said I should stay off it, but I think that I can stand up and drink a martini. She smiled, making light of the pain. It would stop in a moment, when she had not put her weight on it wrong.

What did you do to your hip?

I was knocked down by a charging carnivorous lizard while shooting at the rest of its pack with a P90.

Ok. He swallowed nervously. Franklin looked a little overwhelmed glancing around the room. So many new people, Teyla thought. And Atlantis was rather overwhelming.

You will come to know us quickly, Teyla said reassuringly. I know it is confusing to meet so many and know no one.

I've met Colonel Sheppard before, Franklin said. In Afghanistan.

Teyla did her best not to flinch. Oh? Did you serve with him there?

Not for very long.” Franklin’s eyes searched her face. “I’d only been there three weeks when he was sent home. You know, the thing… The court martial board stopped short of a dishonorable discharge, because it wasn’t a direct order he disobeyed. And they cleared him of Captain Holland’s death. There wasn’t enough for the other charges to stick. I mean, nobody actually had anything but hearsay, so…” He pulled himself up short and swallowed hard. “I mean, I’m glad it worked out okay for him, because he seemed like a nice guy, and sometimes stuff happens.”

“Sometimes it does, Major,” Teyla said gently. “As I am sure you know by now.”

“I figured he’d get the short end of the stick somewhere,” Franklin said quietly. “I never thought I’d run into him here. He was a great pilot.”

“He is a great pilot,” Teyla said. “As you will probably see firsthand sooner than you wish. I do not imagine it will be long before you are under fire. Colonel Carter is…what is the term? A fire-eater?”

Franklin laughed. “She sure is! We’re looking forward to it.”

“It was an honor to serve with her,” Teyla said.

Franklin’s face stilled. “You have been around us quite a while, haven’t you?”

“More than long enough to know your words for that,” Teyla said softly.

The dinner lasted about as long as all formal dinners held on base lasted in John’s experience, which was to say about an hour longer than anybody wanted to be there. Woolsey and Sam spent the whole time being so polite to each other that it was probably clear to everyone in the room that they couldn’t stand each other. Teyla looked like she’d rather be taking a nice hot bath, although she did keep determinedly launching new lines of conversation every time they ran one entirely into the ground.

She spent some considerable time pretending to be interested in the Hammond’s long-range scanner system, while Jennifer and Woolsey pretended to be interested in the Genii’s recent developments in nuclear power. John couldn’t think of anything to talk about that it seemed fair to make people pretend to be interested in, so he put on his best social smile, the one that made Teyla look at him a little strangely, and waited the evening out.

Eventually the party broke up, with Teyla heading off to collect Torren from wherever he’d spent a nicer evening, and Jennifer offering to show Dahlia Radim to guest quarters in what was probably an attempt to persuade her that not everyone in Atlantis was an axe murderer. Franklin said goodnight with the expression of someone grateful to have survived his first social occasion under the eye of his new CO.

That left him and Sam lingering in the corridor once Woolsey exchanged one more round of probably insincere pleasantries with Sam and finally called it a night.

“Whew,” Sam said when he was well and truly out of earshot. “I think I’m out of practice at this kind of thing.”

“You think you’re out of practice. Around here, we usually only dress up for funerals,” John said. “It gives formal occasions that extra added touch of depressing.”

Sam looked him over frankly. “Bad week, huh?”

“We’ve had better,” John admitted after a moment. “You want to go have a real drink?”

“That sounds good,” Sam said. “Can I tell you about our new railguns?”

He grinned. “Can I stop you?”

“Oh, admit it, Sheppard. If she were your ship — ”

“Then I’d probably sound like I had a new crush, too.”

He handed her a beer when they got back to his quarters, and pulled out one for himself. It was way too cold to go sit outside, even on the balcony. Sam settled into a chair and put her feet up on another.

“Woolsey’s trying,” John said, folding himself into a chair himself. “I think this was supposed to be an olive branch.”

“Complete with olives,” Sam said. “I had followed things that far, yes.” She shrugged. “He’s made it pretty clear that getting sent out here wasn’t his idea, and for what it’s worth I believe him. I was never going to make the IOA happy, because I wasn’t going to let them call all the shots. So they replaced me with someone who would.”

“I think the honeymoon’s worn off there,” John said.

“I think you’re right,” Sam said. “It wasn’t until after you left that it dawned on the IOA members — at least, it did on the brighter ones — that Woolsey and General O’Neill had been playing them all along. Nechayev is probably Woolsey’s only remaining fan, along with the president. Neither of them wanted us to get stuck with Atlantis on Earth.”

“How mad are they?”

Sam shrugged. “I’m not the best judge of that, obviously, or I’d have seen what happened to me coming. I think it’ll blow over if he can do some things out here that they actually like. I hear some of the cooler heads have been pointing out that if General O’Neill and the president hadn’t made a grab for Atlantis, someone else would have at some point. It was an open invitation for somebody to start a war.”

“With whoever jumped first having a big advantage,” John said. “Fun times.”

“Oh, yeah.” Sam hesitated for a moment. “Listen, John, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what we were planning.”

“I’m sure you had good reason,” John said, although it was a little scary how close he’d come to walking away from Atlantis for good.

“Well, to start with, we weren’t sure it was going to work. I didn’t want to make promises I couldn’t keep. Beyond that, we both know about gate teams. If I’d told you, you can’t tell me you wouldn’t have told Ronon and Teyla and McKay.”

“You could have ordered me not to.”

“Come on.”

“All right, I might have been tempted to slip them the word.”

“And then they would have each wanted to tell somebody else, and in twelve hours the whole city would have known,” Sam said. “I know what the rumor mill is like in a place like this.”

“Tell me about it,” John said. He drained the last of his beer and opened the fridge again. “You want another beer?”

“Sure, hit me again,” Sam said. “Let me tell you about our hull modifications. You don’t let your eyes visibly glaze over like some people I know.”

“She’s a really sweet ship,” John said.

Sam looked immensely proud, whether of herself or of the ship John wasn’t sure. He figured she deserved both. “I know.”

The hull modifications carried them through that beer and halfway through the next.

“You ready to tell me about it?” Sam said finally. “Because if I drink any more of these, I’m going to fall over before I get back to my ship, and that’s not really the reputation I want.”

“Sam Carter, intergalactic drunk,” John said.

“Yeah, no.” She was watching him, her eyes kind.

John leaned back in his chair so that he could look at the ceiling instead of her. “I screwed up,” he said, forcing the words out and taking a bitter pleasure in how much each one stung. “We should have come back to Atlantis and gotten Zelenka instead of going out there without a scientist. Only I didn’t want — it would have been like — ”

“Like admitting that Rodney’s really gone,” Sam said.

“He’s not dead,” John said.

“I know, and that’s good. But it’s still hard to replace somebody when you know that, in a lot of ways, you can never replace them.”

“It almost blew the mission,” John said. “And then Teyla and Carson got hurt, and it was starting to look like we wouldn’t make it out — ”

“But you did.”

“I got lucky,” John said. “It would have been my fault if they’d died.”

“You screwed up,” Sam said. “I’m not going to beat you up about it. I think you’re doing enough of that yourself.”

“I can’t afford to screw up,” John said. It was possible that a martini, two different wines with dinner, and the better part of three beers were making him excessively honest. “It’s my job to get it right.”

“Everybody screws up,” Sam said. “You can’t win them all, and if you think we ever won them all, you haven’t read our old reports closely enough. We came up with some pretty astonishingly bad ideas sometimes.”

“Yeah, but you’re…” John gestured inarticulately with the bottle. “You don’t let this stuff get to you.”

“The only people it never gets to are the people who don’t give a damn, and we try not to keep them around,” Sam said, with enough heat in her voice that he thought she meant it. “Rodney used to be one of those himself, although he did get better.”

“He was pretty frantic when Teyla was missing,” John said.

Sam gave John a look that felt like she was seeing through him way too much. “You mean compared to the way you were when Teyla was missing?”

“When Teyla was… I let it get to me,” John said. “I was off my game.” And that wasn’t the way you were supposed to do it. You were supposed to be able to let it go, to say it was an honor serving with you and get up and walk away —

“You did what you needed to do,” Sam said. She smiled as though the joke were on her. “It’s not actually an Air Force regulation that you’re not allowed to have any feelings.”

“I was pretty sure about that one,” John said.

“A lot of people seem to think that,” Sam said. “We ought to send out some kind of memo.” She smiled crookedly. “Did I ever tell you about the time General O’Neill smashed in General Hammond’s car windows with a hockey stick?”

“General O’Neill did that.”

“It was Colonel O’Neill then, but, yeah,” Sam said. “That was when we thought Daniel was dead. Well, one of the times.”

“What happened?” John said. He was having a little trouble visualizing that.

“General Hammond told him he had to pay to get his windows fixed,” Sam said. She smiled at him as if amused by his expression. “I’ll tell you now, if you break my windows, it’s not going to be cheap to get them fixed.”

“I think I’d need more than a hockey stick to break your windows,” John said.

“Try a tactical nuke,” Sam said. “Which is to say, don’t. I don’t want to mess up the paint job. You could try giving yourself a break, here,” she added more gently. “It’s not actually supposed to be easy.”

John tried a smile. “I thought it said that in the regulations, too.”

“Not even close,” she said.