The Lesser Kindred

V Endings and Beginnings

"Lady Rella!" I said, astounded as I recognised her voice. "What wind bloweth thee to this place, in this very moment of our need?"

"Later, Varien. You couldn't take one of their daggers and help me, could you? I'm trying to get the rest of these ropes off young Lanen and my fingers are damn near frozen."

By the time I had found a dagger, Rella had freed Lanen. My dearling was desperate to get back to the stead, for the sounds and the smells that came to us across the fields were terrible. We would have ran at mat moment, but Rella caught me by the shoulder. "A moment, master Varien," she said. "How's your arm? I thought I saw that big bastard hit you."

Her words recalled me to my hurt. "So he did," I replied. Now that my life was not threatened and I could think of it, the wound was indeed painful. "What must I do, Lady?"

"Wait here," said Rella. She ran off but was back in a moment with a dark lantern. She opened the panel and shone the light on my left sleeve, stained dark and damp. "In the

heat of anger I paid it no heed," I said. "What is to be done? I cannot flame it clean."

"Just hold still," said Rella. I was beginning to understand that tone of voice. It indicated forbearance under great strain.

She drew a long strip of cloth from her scrip, and a small pot. Lanen gently pulled back the sleeve of my tunic to reveal a deep cut that still bled. She held my arm still while Rella put a strange paste from the small pot onto the wound, which made it hurt worse than it had before; then she wrapped the strip of cloth around my arm to cover the cut. "Leave that there for at least two days," she said. "It looks clean enough, it should heal well."

"I thank you, Lady," I said, bowing to her in the strange human fashion. It still felt stilted and somehow wrong, but with practice I was becoming better at it.

"Thank me later. Lanen is going to kill us if we don't get back to the stables," said Rella.

"This instant," said Lanen.

We stumbled into a jog-trot as we hurried back. It took us only a few moments to come level with the paddock. As we drew closer I could hear the horses running out their fear, and there was a steady stream now of people—some leading out terrified horses from the other barns, some carrying blankets, some bringing warm water and hot mash, come to bring what comfort they could to the creatures out in the cold. I stopped someone—for the life of me I can't remember who—and told them to start moving the yearlings and the pregnant mares into the summer barn up the hill, it was drafty but it was shelter. They told me Jamie had already told them to do so and when I looked closer I saw a slow line of half-panicked horses being led farther away from the fire, the noise and the smell of the burning.

As we drew nearer to the stead the noise grew louder and the smoke grew thicker, and the smell—dear Goddess, the smell of burnt hair and flesh and hide, it was everywhere, thick and sickening, catching in the throat. My stomach roiled with it but I did not stop, in case there was anything I could yet do. Then above other sounds came what I thought for a moment were the shrill screams of a last dying horse trapped inside the stable. I started shaking, but Varien held me up and told me, "It is the wood, dearling. Believe me, it is the wood." He was right, the sound changed a little and I recognised it as the gigantic version of those strange high-pitched sounds that you sometimes get from a log on a fire. The thick beam of the rooftree cracked as we arrived and I could feel the sound in the soles of my feet. The timber made a terrible racket as it burned, sometimes high-pitched, sometimes low as a ramble of thunder, as if the wood itself were in agony.

I was in the lead when we entered the ordered confusion of the courtyard. It turned out later that my cousin Walther had run a ladder up to the roof of the tack room—the room nearest the fire—and had thrown off the roof tiles, cut a gap in the beams with an axe and thrown water on whatever he could see. He got himself pretty badly burned and the roof had collapsed at that end of the stable, but it was he who had stopped the fire from spreading to the other buildings round about. His lady Alisonde was tending his arms now as he stood in the courtyard shouting orders. The rest of the horses had been taken out and away, and the few of us who were left did what we could, but there was only so much to do. The surviving horses were as well taken care of as we could manage until morning, and the house was safe. We threw buckets and buckets of water on the nearby buildings and doused the sparks that flew in the blessedly light wind, but in the end we could only let the fire burn itself out. Mercifully the trapped horses had died long since, but no one even tried to sleep. Every soul from the stead stood there in the cold, watching until the last of the flames faded just before morning light. The blackened beams glowed demon red from within, and the hot stones cracked loudly as they cooled.

When the walls had grown cool enough and the last of the embers was put out, and we could bear to go inside the ruin of the stable, we found that we had lost eleven of the twenty-four horses. Yet again I felt bile flood the back of my throat at the sight and the smell, that acrid, hideous smell: it hung in the air and clung to my clothes and my boots and the back of my throat, so that I feared I would never be rid of it. By that time, though, we were all so exhausted by sorrow and anger that it felt somehow as if it was happening to someone else, and even the sickness that threatened could not overwhelm.

Jamie was only a little better than me. I had seldom seen him so grim, but when he spoke he surprised me. "It could have been much worse, my girl," he said, standing in the ruin of the ashes, staring at nothing. "I've been through a stable fire before, many years ago, when I lived in the East," he said, and I knew the rough edge to his voice had nothing to do with weariness. "We lost a lot more than half of them that time. Damned if I know what it was, but just before the fire took over at the last, I'd swear that something drew a lot of them out of that barn last night."

Varien said quietly, "Let us be grateful for that mercy, at the least." I wanted to tell Jamie what Varien had done, but I knew my dear one was right to keep silent. How should he claim to have helped with truespeech when there was no proof to any but the two of us?

Meanwhile the morning was wearing on. I went to help Alisonde set about making food and hot drink for everyone, while Jamie and the others saw to the surviving horses, made sure they were fed and warmed and made as comfortable as they could be. The stablehands began the long and grisly job of clearing the burned stable down to the stone. The Healer from the nearest town, who had been sent for at dawn and had finally arrived, began to treat those who were in most need, starting with Walther.

Varien was next. We took the bandage off and the Healer put forth his power willingly, saying as he did so that simple cuts responded far better than burns did, but after just a moment he stared at Varien's arm.

Nothing was happening.

He drew a deep breath and tried again. I had watched Healers working several times and was used to the way the blue glow around them seemed to go into the wound. But it didn't now, not on Varien.

"Have you ever been to a Healer before?" he asked Varien, who of course said he hadn't. The Healer frowned. "I have heard of such things, but I have never come across one such as you. I fear, good sir, that you are a rare case. I have heard of those who cannot be touched by the healing power, and it seems that you are one of them. Thank the Lady you are not too desperately wounded." He leaned over and smelled the salve that Rella had provided. "You are using the right simples, and with time you will heal as well as any—pray forgive me, good sir, but I can do nothing for you, and others require my care." He bowed and moved on to the next who needed his help.

The poor horses that had burned to death were to be buried in one deep grave not far from the north side of the main stead buildings. It was a huge pit, wide and deep, and it took every kind soul who had come from the village to help dig it. With all of us working like madmen it was finished that very afternoon, and the dreadful burned bodies, mercifully covered with rough burlap, were lowered into it as carefully as possible. I had learned that my Shadow, my little mare, had been trapped in the fire. When I thought back I remembered someone shouting something about her, but I had been too distracted to pay much attention at the time. Coward that I am, I was desperately grateful that I could not see through the burlap and did not know which of the shapeless bundles covered her.

It wasn't until we were filling the earth back in that I realised I had been crying gently most of the time. Shadow had been with me for so many years, a friend in a world where friends were scarce. So many of the horses had been under my care, so many I had known and ridden, taught and learned from—so many lost. Oh, Shadow, ever my willing companion. Sleep soft, dear friend. I will miss you.

When the last of the earth was laid on the mound, Jamie came and put his arm around my waist and looked up at me, his red-rimmed eyes locked on mine. I slipped my arm about his shoulders and we turned and walked back to the house together without a word.

I introduced Jamie to Rella in a brief stolen moment, but he didn't hear our full story until that night, when Rella had gone to sleep and the three of us sat exhausted around the kitchen fire. After we had told him what had happened the night before, he demanded to hear everything I knew about her, which I soon realised wasn't much. "We met on the Harvest ship, on the journey out," I told him. "I looked after her when she was poorly and we started talking. We shared a tent at the Harvest camp, when the whole ship's complement was out gathering lansip every waking moment, but I still didn't know much about her until I was in Marik's power. She told me then that she is a Master in the Silent Service, and that Marik was far too bound up with demons for anyone's good. She helped me get away, and when the demon caller caught me again she went to Akor and told him." I put my hand on Jamie's shoulder. "The demons would have had me if it hadn't been for her, Jamie."

"The Silent Service. I see," said Jamie, distantly.

He saw a lot more than I did. I had heard of the Silent Service only once or twice in my life. They are based in Sorun, the great city on the bend of the River Kai. They are the reason for the other half of the saying about the famous port city of Corli: "If you want to know anything, go to Corli; if you want to know everything, go to Sorun." It was said they would find out anything or anyone for a price.

Jamie just stood there, thinking. I couldn't stand it. "For goodness' sake, Jamie, she saved my life again last night!" I said.

He turned to me. "Yes, I know, but I don't know why."

My turn to be surprised. "What?"

"Members of the Silent Service don't give away the time of day if they're standing beside a sundial. Why is she here?"

I frowned at him. "In case you had forgotten, Varien and I saved her life in Corli."

"Yes, and she had saved yours already, helping you escape Marik, calling in the dragons—why, Lanen? Always find the source. Who is paying her fee?"

I realised in the midst of being surprised at his attitude that I was up against my ignorance again. "She couldn't just be a kind soul who's worried about—hmm. I see what you mean." I thought for a moment. "In any case, she certainly saved my life last night. Our lives. Whoever it is wants me living."

"So did Marik," said Jamie tightly. I shivered.

"She can't be working for Marik, she helped me get away from him—"

"No, I never thought that. It's not Marik she's working for. But until we know who it is," he said, taking me by the shoulders, "please, Lanen, a little caution."

I nodded, chastened by my blind acceptance of Rella's goodwill. She was no part of me, true enough, why should she risk her life? Find the source ...

I was torn. I generally trusted Jamie's instincts, but he had not been with us on the Dragon Isle. I was convinced deep down that Rella's heart was true. The Kantri would not have trusted her as they had, Kedra would not have admired her, had she wished me ill.

Varien and I both slept like rocks that night, the night after the fire, and did not wake until midmorning. We rose groggily and met with Jamie and Rella at breakfast. Jamie had posted triple guards round the stead during the night just in case, but they saw and heard nothing.

"I hear that I must thank you for saving Lanen's life, mistress," said Jamie to Rella. "I did not know it in all the confusion yesterday. I owe you a great debt."

"Nothing so great that another cup of chelan and more porridge won't go a long way to pay it," said Rella easily. "I'm starving. That was rough work last night."

"And how long will we have the pleasure of your company?" asked Jamie politely. Well, he tried to sound polite. It has never been one of his strong points. On Jamie it just sounded suspicious.

"I hadn't thought that far, I fear," she replied cheerfully. She looked to me and nodded. "I came here wanting to repay these two for saving my life. I seem to be halfway there at least."

"Well past, Rella," I said, "for we would have both been lost without your help."

"You may consider the debt paid, my girl, but I don't. Not yet. And as I appear to be a free agent at the moment, I will be glad to assist you whatever you decide to do." She looked to Jamie. "If that is acceptable to you, Master. I can see you don't trust me, I'm used to it—a crooked back tends to worry people, after all—"

"Nothing to do with that," said Jamie roughly. "Lanen tells me you're with the Silent Service. I never heard that such people were ever free agents."

Rella laughed at that, loud and long. "Ah, I see! And here I was blaming my poor back for making me look suspicious. No, Master, I won't ask you to trust me, but we are allowed time off from our duties, and I truly owe this pair for my life several times over. Did Lanen never mention her ability to use Farspeech?"

Jamie looked wary. "She has said something of it."

"Or that she used that ability to save the whole ship from a demon-spawned disease as we returned from the Dragon Isle? No, until I have repaid my debt I shall keep these two company, either with them or following them. For unless I miss my guess, they are not long for this place."

"You're right," I said before Jamie could speak. "We have talked about it and we both think its time to get moving."

Jamie opened his mouth to object but he soon shut it again. I could only guess why, but it seemed clear to me that Rella would be either with us or behind us no matter what we did. When I put it to him later he said he'd rather have her under his eye than wandering about on her own. However, for now he seemed willing enough to accept Rella's presence and did not insist that she leave before we discussed matters. I was relieved at that, for she had proven her worth and her intentions to me both on the Dragon Isle and in that fight in the dark, when she had only to leave us to our fate if she intended us ill. I still could not believe ill of her, and if she still felt that she owed us a debt I was very glad of her assistance.

We had quite a council of war. Jamie wanted Varien and me to stay put in a defensible place, but I did not want to risk the lives of our people and the rest of our horses if I was the one the mercs were after. The argument got quite heated about then. It didn't help that despite a night's sleep we were all still exhausted.

"What do you hope to gain by our staying here, Jamie?" I demanded, finally. The four of us, Varien, Jamie, Rella and I, were sat around the kitchen fire drinking chelan and trying desperately to stay awake and make some kind of sense of things. "If whoever it is really wants me, Jamie, they know now where I am and they can send more and more men until either we're all burned alive or they get what they want. I'd rather lead them a chase and make sure Walther and Al-isonde have a chance to rebuild than just sit here and let them find new recruits." I turned to Rella. "Do you have any idea whose men they are, or how many of them there are?"

"Only an inkling," she said. She seemed the least affected by the lack of sleep, and was calmly sharpening her knives, some of which she had reclaimed from the site of our battle in the dark. There were quite a few of them. "I followed them for a few days, since we were both coming this way. There were eight of them until yesterday. We buried three this afternoon. That leaves five, not really enough even for desperate and angry men to want to attack a stronghold. But the longer we leave it, Master, the sooner they'll find reinforcements and be back."

"And what if they find those reinforcements and come upon us on the road?" asked Jamie angrily. "A man who would use fire would do anything. It's forbidden, even to assassins. It's too wild, it can do too much damage. Only rank outlaws would even think of using it."

"I think Rella's right, Jamie," I said quietly. Something about her words had struck a chord. "I think they may be that desperate. You know, for the most part Marik didn't use force on me, he used amulets and demons. If whoever hired these men is a demon master, maybe those bastards aren't just working for money. I would guess that demon masters can take quite a price for failure."

"That's what I was thinking, lass," said Rella, impressed. "But such men almost always have protective spells for themselves. These ones died fast. A simple knife wouldn't touch the demon-protected."

"Such men never protect their tools," spat Jamie. "I still say they could find us and kill us all and still get Lanen."

"Us?" I asked, surprised. "I thought we were talking about Varien and me."

Jamie snorted. "And how long do you think you two would last on the road with this kind of idiot after you, eh?" he asked angrily. "I let you go once, to my sorrow. I'm not letting you out of my sight again until all this is done."

"Jamie, you—"

"I'll brook no argument, my girl." He put his hand on mine and challenged me with his gaze: his resolve showed in his eyes, strong and sharp as steel. "You are the only daughter I have, Lanen. You're a good man, Varien, but you are new to the sword and I cannot let my girl go forth again with none to guard her back."

"I would not gainsay you, Jameth," said Varien quietly. "In truth I welcome your offer, for if you had not made it I would have asked it of you."

"Good," said Jamie shortly. "Then perhaps you will listen when I say we should stay here."

Rella narrowed her eyes. "You know, Master, if I didn't know better I'd say you were frightened."

"Know better, then, woman," growled Jamie, rising from the bench and starting to pace. "I hate those bastards more with every breath I take, but I was not there to protect Lanen last night. They got past me, the seven-times-damned sons of bitches got past me." He began to pace, his feet pounding into the floor, shaking the boards. I had seldom seen him so angry; you could feel it corning off him like steam. "They took her from under my nose, Mistress Rella. I'm getting old and slow and stupid. It never occurred to me they'd use fire just for a diversion. The bastards got past me and I never noticed until you brought her back to me. She might have been gone forever and I'd never have lifted a finger to stop them. May all the demons of all the Hells find them some dark night"—he whirled on me—"and you want to go out into the depths of winter, just the three—"

"Four," said Rella quietly.

"Just the—four of us to face the rest of them and whoever is behind them! I never thought I'd raised an idiot, my lass, but I'm beginning to wonder."

I was growing angry myself—I can barely hold back my temper at the best of times—but it was Varien who spoke. "For a people who do not truly breathe fire, you manage to come very close."

"Hah," muttered Jamie.

"Do not let your guilt overcome your good sense, Jameth. You are mistaken in this and you know it. We must leave, publicly and very soon. You must not let your fear blind you to truth."

"I'm not afraid of them!" he growled.

"I did not say that you were," replied Varien gently.

Jamie stopped then and stared at Varien. "Failure once is seldom true defeat, Jamie," said Varien. "It is there merely to let the wise soul take note that something is not as it seems to be. I thought I could fly when I had seen but twenty winters; my wings were large and I was strong. When I jumped from the low cliff where those twice my age were taking off, I flapped long and hard and still fell straight into the sea thirty feet below. It was not that flying was impossible, only that there was more to it than I had thought."

I couldn't stifle the laugh. "Did it hurt?" I asked, grinning.

"Enough to stop me trying it again that day," he replied lightly. "Yet I worked on in secret, and in the end flew not five years later, a quarter of a kell before the rest."

"Spare me your sympathy, dragon," growled Jamie. He glanced at Rella and frowned. "And why aren't you asking whether he's mad or not, talking about flying?"

"Because I saw him just a few hours after he changed and I know all about it," she said, grinning. "Any more questions?"

"Only to wonder why all of you are so intent on getting killed. You're good with a blade, mistress, but even I wouldn't trust myself against as many as may come," he muttered. "I know my own limitations."

"Jameth of Arinoc, you are spouting childish nonsense and I'm getting tired of it," said Rella suddenly. "Don't be a fool. They are right, and you're feeling guilty and sorry for yourself. Poor old man," she taunted, "you're just not up to it anymore, are you?"

He drew his dagger even as she finished speaking, and even though she knew it was coming Rella was still within his reach. His blade stopped just short of her heart.

She was grinning. "If you're so slow, idiot, how did you manage to do that? I'm very, very good at what I do, and / am certainly not out of practice." The rage on Jamie's face turned slowly to wonder, and she pushed his hand away gently. "Now put that thing down before you hurt someone with it. We need to take Lanen away from here. I'd suggest Sorun, but then I would."

"Why?" I asked, while Jamie sputtered.

"It's home. Well, home for the Service," she said.

I spoke up then, quickly, before Jamie recovered. "There is another possibility. I know it's a longer trip, but I—we— perhaps we could aim for Verfaren."

"Hells' teeth, why Verfaren?" asked Jamie. His voice was rather more normal, which was a relief. He seemed to have a lot on his mind.

"Lanen has told me of the collection of wisdom there, which she called a library," said Varien. "It is a journey she and I must take at some time or another, and since we must go somewhere it seems as sensible as any other destination." We kept arguing.

Four days later we were sitting round a far-too-small fire in a little clearing just inside the Trollingwood. We'd gone straight east from Hadronsstead, telling my cousin Walther we were bound for Sorun and would catch a riverboat all the way down the Arlen. It seemed as good a story as any, and to be honest Walther didn't care in the slightest. He was still mourning the horses and seemed to think that I had got myself attacked just to make his life more difficult. He wished us well and turned at once back to the business of getting the stables cleared of debris so the horses could go back in. I did not think it would be so easy as that, for the dreadful smell of death and burning lingered in the air, lingered in the very ground. If I were a horse I would never go near the place— but that was now Walther's problem. True, I was Hadron's heir and the stead was mine by right, but I had arranged it with my cousin half a year before that he and Jamie and I would have equal shares in it all if he would take care of the horses, which was all he cared about in any case. So far it had worked well for all of us.

When we were a day and a bit out from Hadronsstead, Jamie led us slightly north to get into the edge of the great Trollingwood. It wasn't much shelter but it was a great deal better than nothing. We were still debating where to go.

"We need to learn as much as we can about the Lesser Kindred, Jamie," I said. "Surely in all this time someone has learned something about them. Wasn't it you who told me that the great library in the College of Mages in Verfaren is the best place to look for anything?"

"Yes, girl, and he's right," said Rella, "but must you go there first? It's a lot easier to catch a riverboat from Sorun, or even somewhere along the Arlen, than to tramp overland all the way south—and where were you planning to cross the river? Besides," she said dryly, "I have an errand in Sorun. I have an idea who hired those lads, but I want to find out for certain. The ones who are left will almost certainly be looking for reinforcements."

Jamie took another small sip of his beer, for we hadn't brought much. "I wouldn't worry overmuch about that. He'll not find anyone hereabouts in any case."

"There are always idiots for hire," said Rella sourly.

"Aye, but the idiots are the only ones left," said Jamie, grinning unexpectedly. "I've already found every likely lad for thirty miles around and got them working for me."

Rella grinned back. "I should have realised. Very well, Master, so they are stuck with the five of them. That's good. But it's still more fighters than the four of us."

"I can take us by roads they will not know," said Jamie quietly.

"So can I, Master, and the roads have changed since last you travelled them. I know you know the way, but if you follow me we'll get there faster."

"And that's another thing—why do you call me that?"

Rella raised her eyebrows and looked at Jamie. Then she said something in a language I couldn't understand, but whatever it was it shocked him. I nearly cheered. Jamie was all the better for a shock every now and then.

She spoke the tongue of the assassins far too well. "Don't try to tell me you don't remember. The Master of Arinoc was a legend when I joined up, and you'd been out of the game for ten years by then. Never missed a kill, never injured, never caught—you were our hero."

I spat at the ground and answered her in plain speech. I knew the Blood Cant, but I hated it and the memories that came with it. Bad enough I'd had to use it with that mere some days before. "Damn fools. And if anyone ever called me that, it was far enough behind my back that I couldn't hear them. I never realised you were one of them."

"So were you and don't forget it," she snapped back. "And just because I speak Blood Cant doesn't mean I go around slaughtering people. Yes, I've killed in my time, in fair fight and foul, but seldom for pay and never for pleasure. Don't you dare to judge me, Jameth of Arinoc."

I glanced quickly at Lanen. She was staring thoughtfully at the fire, but when she looked up at me the condemnation I dreaded was not in her eyes. She had truly accepted me, then, for what I was and had been. Blessed be the Lady for that at least.

I turned back to Rella. "I would not presume, Mistress Rella. Those in the Silent Service have their own motives and their own sources. And how should I dare to judge you, with my own past laid here before me? No, lady. Rather I pity you from my heart, and for the good you have done my Lanen I can only hope you escape the Service before you die in it."

She was about to reply when Varien spoke up. I hadn't been paying attention to him, but he sounded sick to his stomach. "Lady Rella, do you tell me that you have killed others of your kind for khaadish?" It made me believe his story just that bit more. He was too old to be that innocent.

"What?" she said.'

"For gold, for money," said Lanen quietly.

Give her credit, Rella looked him in the eye. "Yes, Varien. I have."

He stood up quickly, his arms wrapped around him and pacing a little in front of the fire. He favoured the injured arm a little. "And you, Master Jameth. You have done this as well?"

I looked up at him. "The last man I killed died this autumn past, for he would have killed both Lanen and me. Before that I had not put blade to flesh for thirty years, but in those days, yes, to my soul's darkening I killed for money. It was Lanen's mother Maran who—" I shook myself. No need to go into that now. "Never mind. Yes, I have done so."

He turned and walked without another word into the dark wood. Lanen stood, not knowing whether to stay or go.

"Go after him, girl," said Rella quietly. "If he doesn't need you now, he will soon. And don't let him get far. This isn't a pleasure trip."

Lanen rose and followed Varien into the darkness.

"And so, Mistress Rella," I said, sitting again and warming my hands.

"And so, Master Jameth—though I'll call you Jamie, if I may."

"Jamie is just a horseman, Mistress. He's only ever killed to keep himself alive."

"That suits me. And I'm just Rella." She looked over at me. "I've only ever had the paid duty once, you know. We are all taught any kind of cant we can learn—I thought that one might stand me in good stead."

"It's foul on the tongue and worse on the soul," I answered. The old familiar darkness was coming over me and I did not welcome it. "I left that life hating myself. If it hadn't been for Maran I don't know what I would have done."

"I know. She told me."

I didn't realise my jaw had dropped until Rella told me to close it. She had the grace not to laugh, at least. I finally managed to speak.

"You knew Maran Vena?"

"I still do," she said, smiling briefly. Against all likelihood she had a good smile. "Why do you think I turned up just in time to save young Varien? I might have done so for friendship's sake, true enough, or to pay back the debt I owed the two of them, but I wouldn't have tracked them across the breadth of Kolmar just for the privilege. I'm on duty."

"Sweet Lady. Maran!" I rose and paced much as Varien had done. "Name of—what's she doing in all this?"

Rella raised one corner of her mouth. "She is the girl's mother, after all. Just because she's not here doesn't mean she's not paying attention."

I stared at Rella and realisation struck me like a blow. "Hells' teeth. The Farseer," I breathed. "She's using it to watch over Lanen, and when she saw her leave Hadron-sstead—"

"She hired me. Damn fast, too, and at that I only just made it to the Harvest ship in time." She winked at me. "You're sharp. I can see how you earned your reputation. It wasn't your killing we admired, you know."

I stood silent, my thoughts racing, my heart full of hope one instant and fury the next. When I finally thought I could speak I was about to ask, a question that would tell this woman far too much about me, but I was interrupted by a loud yell from the darkness. We were both moving before the echo stopped; I was the faster, but Rella had had the good sense to grab a burning branch from the fire to bring with us.

Thank the Goddess, Lanen has a good pair of lungs on her.

I had followed Varien at a little distance, leaving him to his thoughts. I know how I had felt when I first learned of the darkness that shadowed Jamie, less than a year past, but if Rella was right, I should be near Varien if he needed me. I was about to call out to him not to go further into the wood when I heard his voice in my mind, very quiet, very sad. "Kadreshi? Are you there?"

"I am here close by, dearling. Say something aloud so I know where you are, it's dark as all the hells out here." I heard his voice away to my left and I hurried to join him, though it wasn't easy or fast. There were tree roots everywhere, hidden under a blanket of dead leaves, just waiting to catch an ankle. I all but fell into him in the darkness. He caught me up in his arms and held me close. I didn't speak, just held him tight to me and kept quiet. This had to come from him.

"By all that's sacred, Lanen," he said, his voice deep and rough with the hurt. "Your heart's father is one who kills for his livelihood. This is a deep evil. I tell you truly, dear one, it weighs on my soul and my sight is darker even than this night. How can you bear it? How can he?"

I was trying to be understanding but it was hard. I knew the Kantri killed my people without a thought. "Varien, you must remember that this all happened long ago. He told you, he gave up that life long since. Surely that tells in his favour? He told me that he was paid very well indeed, he could have lived like a nobleman if he chose, but he did not choose. When he met my mother he had already decided to leave that life."

Varien stood away from me. "Forgive me, dearling. I knew the Gedri killed one another, those who chose to follow the path of the Rakshasa—but to kill for no reason! To be the claw of another, without even the poor excuse of fury or the saving of one's own life ... name of all the Winds, I cannot bear it."

"Do the Kantri never kill one another?" I asked, trying to control myself. I could feel my temper rising. I loved him dearly, but who was he to judge Jamie?

"No. Never since time began has one of the Kindred killed another," he said passionately. "It is a deed worthy of the Rakshasa." I could barely see him, but it looked as if he had wrapped his arms around himself.

That did it.

"It might well be," I said sharply. "Remember, we Gedri are the ones with a choice. Very well, it's true, Jamie chose wrongly all those years ago, but he has done better since. We have all our short lives to get it right, and Jamie did so before I was born. I'd be dead if it weren't for him. And you'd be dead if it weren't for Rella taking out that merc behind your back."

"She killed to save my life, not for pay!" he answered, stung.

"Probably," I said. "But he's just as dead. Have you thanked her for saving your life?"

"Too late," said a deep voice I'd never heard before. I screamed as a dark shadow lunged towards Varien.

I drew my boot knife and stabbed as hard as I could, but I could feel the blade being turned off the stroke. Whoever it was wore a thick leather jerkin for the purpose. "Varien!" I yelled, trying to pull the dark shape off of him.

I might as well have saved my breath.

I'd forgotten just how strong he Was.

I heard a grunt and saw the shape being tossed back into shadow and crashing into the undergrowth. "Are you hurt?" I asked, helping Varien up with my free hand while staring wildly into the darkness round about us.

"There are others. Watch and ward, Lanen."

"Jamie! To me!" I cried, loud as I could.

"Lanen!" cried Jamie, already close, and there was light from somewhere, I could see a little. A shadow on the far side of the light drew back. Rella threw down the burning branch she carried and drew us all back from the light towards our own fire, just visible in the distance. "Jamie, you're point, you two in the middle, back to the camp, go!"

We moved as fast as we could, but the tree roots made the going hard. Not just for us, thank the Lady, but it was terrifying trying to move at speed over treacherous ground in the dark. I clutched my knife for comfort, but I had already learned it was no use.

We were just at the edge of the clearing when I heard a sound behind me. I turned around, trying to see through the border of shadow. "Rella?"

"I'm here, girl, save your breath. That wasn't me. Go on into the firelight." And we were in the clearing. Jamie threw more branches on the fire and it blazed enough for us to have a look around. Nothing to be seen. I stopped Varien and made him look at me. "Are you hurt?"

"No more than I was before, dearling," he said. He turned away and found his sword lying by his pack. He drew it, saying ruefully, "Wisdom learned late is better than none, is it not, Jamie?"

"Keep your eyes on the trees, man," said Jamie, scanning the undergrowth for movement. "And remember what I told you, keep your sword raised, if it's halfway through the stroke by the time you start you're ahead of your enemy."

Rella stood, as did Jamie, with her back to the fire, "You take north, I'll take south, eh Master?" she said. Jamie just grunted assent.

I wish I could say I was thrilled at the prospect of battle-certainly the ballad singers would have it that way. Idiots. They've never been able to understand one simple thing. I'm terrible with a blade, and even then I knew it. I'm not one of the Warrior Women of Arlis, much though I might have wanted to be, and I was afraid. In the dark, the four of us against who knew how many—in fact I feared it was more like two against the enemy, for I thought Varien not much more use than me.

We are all mistaken from time to time.

Certainly when the four of them burst through the trees, every man of them armed with swords and shields and coming straight at me, it took all my courage to hold my dagger ready and not run. "Hells' teeth," I muttered; then my blessed temper rose past my fear and I yelled something at them. I've no idea what I said, to be honest, but it did seem to stop some of them, or at least slow them down.

Just before they came through into the clearing, I saw out of the corner of my eye that Varien was holding his sword exactly as I'd taught him, very correct, looking like the greenest of recruits.

They came in from the side nearest Lanen, across the fire from me. The second they showed themselves Rella was moving, looking for the best way in, as I was. And Lanen?

When I saw they were all headed for her I despaired. If they were really determined to kill her they'd probably succeed before we could do anything. Then she yelled, my own Lanen, in pure fury, "Stop where you are, you bloody bastards! Any closer and you're all dead men!"

I nearly laughed. Some of them stopped, and Rella had long enough to throw a knife—flat, deadly. He dropped and barely even gurgled as he died. I thought that might slow them down, but no. Fools.

The big one came straight on to seize Lanen, but suddenly Varien was in his way. Varien tried to strike with his sword, of course, but I'd not had time to teach him about targes, and all of them had those little shields that are so useful in hand-to-hand battle. I couldn't watch, for I was faced with one of my own to worry about, but Lanen told me later how it had gone.

Varien was hard put to it in his first swordfight. I tried to distract the bastard but he kept fighting Varien. When he realised how badly Varien handled a sword he laughed. "Fool!" he cried, dodging even a fairly well-aimed blow easily. "Give it up. She'll feed the demons no matter what you do."

I thought I was the only idiot stupid enough to throw away my sword, but when Varien heard those words he did just that. I heard what could only be called a hiss as his sword clattered on the ground, and he was inside the other's guard in the very instant, his hand drawn back to strike. I saw him put his whole body into the blow, direct to the face. There was a sickening crack as the man's neck snapped backwards and he dropped.

Varien roared, turning to the nearest foe, the one fighting Jamie. He struck him from behind, sending the man reeling forward full onto Jamie's sword. Then suddenly I wasn't watching anymore, because the last of them had turned from fighting Rella to seize me from behind. I felt a knife at my throat and heard him yell, "Move and she's dead!"

Everything stopped.

"Drop your swords!" ordered the voice. He stood directly behind me. Jamie and Rella threw their swords on the ground. Varien just watched, his eyes never moving from his prey.

"She's no good to your master dead, you know," said Jamie quietly.

"She's no good to you dead either. Keep back and she'll live," he growled, backing up and pulling me along.

And there I was, helpless again until he stumbled on a tree root and lost his balance. I pushed back and fell on top of him as hard as I could. I heard the breath go out of him all at once. He lost interest in holding the knife at my throat and I scrambled up, getting out of the way so that Jamie could grab him.

Except that Jamie was too slow.

In one movement Varien, growling, hauled the leader of the mercenaries upright by the front of his tunic and hit him full in the face with the heel of his hand. The man went limp instantly. Varien dropped him as if he hadn't existed and came to me. "Lanen," he said, taking my hand gently.

"Shia save us. How in the Hells did you know to do that?" breathed Jamie.

"I have no claws, but my arms have much of their old strength," said Varien. "It seemed to work, in any case."

Rella and I moved the bodies deep into the woods. Even as I dragged away the poor dead mercs, even as my soul burned within me in the private darkness at having killed again, though it were only to save my own life, I clung to one solid rock in all the shifting sand of this cursed night. Lanen had not killed anyone. The worst she'd done was fall on to a man who held a knife at her throat.

Thank the Goddess for that.

Lanen hadn't killed.

That was when it started, right after that terrible fight in the dark. I'd never been so near to death before, feeling it all around, knowing that only by harming others could you survive. It was awful.

Ah, now, speak truth, Lanen: it was awful after I realised Varien had killed the one who held a knife at my throat, and that he was the last. I had felt a fierce rush of joy when I saw him drop. You can't help but delight in a victory that means you're going to live, but death is death and when I saw four bodies that had but moments before been living men—well, my supper hadn't been much to keep down anyway.

It was late when we were all gathered again round the fire. Jamie insisted on setting a watch, just in case there were others we didn't know about. All of us who weren't on watch slept like stones, but with our weapons in our hands.

Exhaustion caught up with me as I lay thinking about the dead men away there in the woods. My last thought was that, dreadful as their deaths were, they had attacked us and would have killed us if they could. I slept better than I thought I would, but all night I kept thinking I heard voices.

I roused early, as you do sleeping rough, and if it was possible I think I was wearier on waking than I'd been on going to sleep. The voices murmuring in the back of my mind were a little easier to ignore now I was awake, but they hadn't stopped. I wasn't about to mention this to anyone. I thought at the time I was imagining the ghosts of the dead men cursing at us, so I resolved to ignore it.

I was also hungry enough to know that food was going to be the most difficult thing about this part of our journey, now that we did not need to fear immediate attack. We had brought some food with us but there was very little to spare, and we were a long way from the nearest market. Breakfast was oats cooked in water with a little salt. I had been chilled through from sleeping on the ground, and I felt gnawed with hunger, but still the heat I got from it was a damn sight better than the taste.

We left immediately after we ate, carefully avoiding the place where Rella and Jamie had taken the bodies. I was nearly sick again when I thought of them, but distance helped. We went vaguely south, for though we had still not decided where we should go, all of our destinations lay to the south of where we were.

We rode through the day, stopping only briefly for food at noon, but we made camp early in the afternoon for we were all weary, and I the worst. I was still shaking slightly, and though I kept it to myself I still thought I heard voices at the edge of hearing. Varien and I were told off to see what we could find in the way of small game. How we were meant to catch anything I can't imagine. I had a bow and I was usually decent with it, but I couldn't hit a thing that day. We spent much of our time searching in the slanting light for arrows that I'd sent into the undergrowth. At least the walking warmed us a little. Jamie had his bow and was out looking for something more substantial. He said he'd seen deer scat, and he was a much better shot than I.

Varien and I were coming back empty-handed to the camp when I heard the scream. It was like nothing I'd ever heard before—not human, but a living creature seeing its death and crying out in fear and pain as its life was torn from it. It brought me to my knees, retching, poor Varien beside me holding my head and wondering what was wrong. "What in the Hells was that?" I asked feebly, when I could speak.

"What ails thee?" asked Varien, deeply concerned. He could not keep his thoughts from reaching me. "What didst thou see/hear/what hath touched thee?"

I couldn't explain aloud, so I tried responding in true-speech. "It was a cry of pain, a creature meeting its end, I heard no words just pain and fear and the falling away of life. I am frightened it was so real so near, death so near, Goddess keep it from us all." Even truespeech was difficult. "Can you see it, hear the memory of it in my mind if I think of it?" I asked, and when he nodded I thought again of what I had felt and heard and tried to let him see it. It seemed to work, for he immediately stood upright, his hands on my shoulders.

"Lanen, kadreshi." His voice was deep with astonishment. "Truly the Wind of Change is blowing wild upon us, for surely you are being shaped even now." He raised me to my feet. The memory was fading a little, it was easier to stand, to think. Varien took my chin in his hand and turned me towards him. In the cold afternoon light his silver hair gleamed like frost, and his deep green eyes were solemn with realisation. "Lanen, what you heard was the death cry of a deer. Jamie must have found what he sought."

"That's ridiculous! Why on earth would I hear such a thing?" I cried, really frightened now. "Don't tell me deer have truespeech!"

"No, my heart, of course not. But it happens sometimes, when one of the Kantri grows old or infirm, that they begin to hear such things—the day-song of birds, the rush of sap through the heart of a tree, the death screech of small creatures in the long grass when owls are hunting. Dearling," he said gently, "do you hear anything else?"

"Oh Hells," I said, my eyes wide and filling with tears against my will. This was vastly worse than the attack in the night. I was filled with dread, fear like a pit opened bottomless before me. You can run from or fight with other living souls but your mind is with you always. "Varien—oh Hells. I've been hearing voices, just out of range—I mean, I know they are voices but I don't know what they are saying."

He closed his eyes, just for a second. "Lanen." Then, looking up, "I do not know how this can be. You have an affliction that falls only upon the Kantri. When did this start?"

"Last night." I swore. "Hells blast and damn it!"

There, that felt better. "Why do you ask?"

His eyes looked less haunted immediately. "Then it cannot be the same. Are you well otherwise?"

At least that made me smile. In fact it made me laugh. "What, you mean apart from being exhausted and having been captured twice in five days and fighting for my life and watching my farm bum down around me and my husband kill men with his bare hands? Apart from that?"

"I do not jest, kadreshi."

"I'm sorry," I answered, recovering myself. "We do that sometimes, it's the only way to deal with things that are too hard to bear, we just have to laugh about it."

"I know. We do the same. Are you well otherwise?"

"As far as I can tell, yes. I'm weary to my bones and ravenously hungry, but aside from that I think I'm well enough. Why, Varien?"

"It usually affects us at the end of a long life, and only after a prolonged time without food." He was shaking his head. "Forgive me, deariing, I do not mean to worry you. I am wrong, I must be. Know you of any such illness among your own people?"

I managed to smile. "Only madness, my dear. And last I checked I was as sane as I ever have been."

He caught me to him, his arms strong about me as if he were holding me against one who sought to take me from him. "Come, my heart. Let us go back to the fire, this setting winter sun warms nothing. Perhaps I make more of this than is in it. You are cold and weary, it could be mere chance or imagination. Come."

But when we got there, Rella and Jamie had taken the deer's carcase a little way into the woods to clean.

It got worse from there.

To use words is misleading, for there were no words then. Only feelings, sharp as the light after a thunderstorm, and the unformed shapes of thoughts like shadows in a deep pool.

There was longing, for I had not seen him or heard his voice in many years. There was loneliness, for though I did not know where to go I knew that I needed to be with him, needed to know that he lived. I flew high many nights, searching, wondering, yet too full of fear to leave the home I had made for myself.

The thought of him was remembered joy, family, home—his absence a bitter wound that bled sorrow. I needed him, needed his presence. The world was changing, moving towards a place where no light shone. I could not be sure any longer even of my own kind. I had seen fighting among us and death that shocked me to my bones, made even hearts-fire cold.

Where there snould have been calm waters there were thorns, and a feeling in the blood of darkness like deep winter spreading over life and light. I needed him—teacher—friend—Father. I needed to hear the sounds he made, on the edge of understanding, so near, so near. .