The Islands of the Blessed

Chapter Twenty-two SCHLAUP’S BETROTHAL

“You like Mrs. Tanner, don’t you?” said Skakki for the fifth time.

Schlaup shuffled nervously from foot to foot. “Sure,” he said, also for the fifth time. The Bard, Jack, Thorgil, and Skakki were meeting with him in a secluded corner of the secret Northman harbor.

“And you’ve said you want her for a wife,” prompted Skakki. Jack closed his eyes. This had to be the most insane idea ever, trying to get a declaration of marriage out of a tongue-tied lout, but the Bard had said it was their best option. Troll males fell in love only once, and it was clear that Schlaup was besotted with Mrs. Tanner.

“Sure, I want to marry her, but…” The giant wrinkled his browridge in perplexity.

“Well, what?” demanded Jack. They’d been going at this for an hour, trying to extract a response from the bashful lout. If it were up to him, he’d dump the Tanners on a lonely beach and make them walk back to Bebba’s Town. But Thorgil had pointed out that they knew the location of the secret Northman harbor. They would most certainly sell that information.

“It wouldn’t be decent,” Schlaup mumbled.

“Of course it isn’t decent! We’re talking about the Tanners here,” cried Jack, losing his temper.

“Now, lad, we don’t have a lot of choices,” said the Bard. “We can’t free them and we can’t kill them. The only other possibility is to take them along.”

“I know a man in Edwin’s Town who’d buy them as slaves,” offered Skakki.

“Never!” roared Schlaup with more energy than he’d shown so far.

“Then you have to make a decision, big brother,” said Thorgil. “I don’t know what you’re so worried about. If one wife doesn’t work out, you can always get more. Olaf had three—four, if we include your mother.”

“I know how these things are done,” Schlaup burst out suddenly. “Just because I’m not smart doesn’t mean I don’t know how marriages happen. First, the troll-maiden asks you to dance. She brings you presents: elks, bears, that sort of thing. Then she weaves you a cloak out of spidersilk, which she has pulled herself from the spinnerets of a giant spider. Lastly”—he blushed deeply, turning a bright orange—“she drags you into her cave. The next morning everyone looks to see how many scratches she’s left on your browridge.”

Everyone stared openmouthed at the giant. They had never heard him talk so much.

“So that’s the problem,” exclaimed Skakki. “I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before. Schlaup, my brother, humans don’t get wives the same way. That’s why your sisters handed you over to us. You couldn’t talk with your mind, and the troll-maidens ignored you.”

“You don’t have to rub it in,” the giant said.

“I’m not trying to be insulting. You have to learn how to court women the Northman way. Now, Olaf won my mother, Heide, in Finnmark,” Skakki explained. “She was the daughter of the village headman and an important wise woman. He traded many furs for her. She also demanded an amber necklace, silver bracelets, and her own personal wealth-hoard.”

“What about Dotti and Lotti?” said Jack, naming the other two wives.

“They were bargains. Olaf threw them over his shoulders during a raid and made off with them.”

“That’s all the courtship they got?” said Jack.

“Pretty much,” admitted Skakki. Thorgil laughed and the Bard shook his head.

“Don’t listen to them, Schlaup,” the old man said. “A true Northman marriage requires a woman’s consent.”

Schlaup’s ears swiveled forward to better concentrate on the Bard’s words. His eyes closed until only a strip of dark showed between the lids. His lips moved silently. Jack suspected that the giant wasn’t stupid at all but that he had trouble with human speech. He’d spent most of his life surrounded by silence.

“The kind of marriage Dotti and Lotti had was very close to slavery,” said the Bard.

“Olaf was always good to them,” Thorgil protested.

“Olaf was many things. He made toys, he loved music, he played stupid practical jokes, he liked to roll in a meadow like a horse. He was loyal, brave, and kind. But he was also a berserker. He carried Dotti and Lotti away from a burning village after killing their families.”

Schlaup nodded to show that he understood. “Trolls burn villages too,” he said.

“It’s a favorite pastime with bullies all over the world,” said the Bard. “Now, your marriage, Schlaup my lad, should not involve carrying off a shrieking woman. Pillaging is wrong.”

“Oh, bother! And I was so looking forward to Mrs. Tanner’s screams,” said Thorgil.

“You must gain your future bride’s consent,” the old man continued, ignoring her. “I would begin by offering her a share of whatever pearls, amethysts, topazes, amber, and silver you acquire on your travels.”

“What?” cried Jack and Skakki at the same time.

“You should also build her a hall of her own and let her run your affairs while you’re at sea.”

“She’ll rob him blind!” said Jack.

Schlaup, meanwhile, was bobbing his head enthusiastically. “I can do that! I can do all of that!”

The Bard smiled. “I’m sure you can. Well, Skakki, I think it’s time to announce a betrothal party.”

Skakki went off to do this, and Schlaup returned to the ship to find a present for Mrs. Tanner. Thorgil moodily drew triangles in the sand with the tip of her spear. They represented the valknut, the mind-fetter Odin cast over warriors doomed to die. Jack watched a pair of ants trying to drag a dead beetle to their nest. “It’s not fair,” he said at last. “The Tanners lie, cheat, and steal, and they get rewarded.”

“Think about it,” said the Bard. “Schlaup has little chance of finding a wife either here or in Jotunheim. He has fallen in love with Mrs. Tanner, who we all agree has the soul of a bog rat, but she’s the one he wants. He will always want her, for louts fall in love only once. We know Mrs. Tanner will agree to anything if she thinks she can get her hands on pearls, amethysts, topazes, amber, and silver. Problem one solved: a willing bridegroom and a willing bride.”

“Yes, but—”

“Now, whether Schlaup actually brings home anything valuable is another matter. Wealth means little to him. Lay on the roast elk and a few barrels of beer, and he’s perfectly happy.”

Jack grinned as he saw where the Bard’s argument was going. “What about the new hall?”

“We certainly can’t have the Tanners moving in with Skakki and his large household. Heide would have their skins tacked to the wall in no time. Problem two solved and domestic squabbles avoided. As for stealing, exactly where would the Tanners go with their ill-gotten goods in the middle of an isolated Northman village surrounded by icy mountains, trolls, and storm-lashed seas?”

Thorgil laughed so hard she fell off her rock. “By Balder’s backside, you’re crafty! Remind me never to cross swords with you.”

“Most people who have crossed swords with me,” the Bard said with a gentle smile, “are no longer among the living.”

That night they had the betrothal ceremony. The actual wedding would take place in the Northland. There would be feasting and gift-giving aplenty once they arrived there, Skakki said. King Ivar, whose wits were somewhat addled since losing Frith, could be talked into donating his great hall for the ceremony. It was as grand as a palace, Skakki said, what with all the carvings and tapestries.

Jack could see he was laying it on thick for Mrs. Tanner—or Ydgith. For the first time everyone learned her first name. At the mention of king and palace, her eyes grew very round. She was even more impressed by the promise of pearls, amethysts, topazes, amber, and silver, and dazzled by the necklace of heavy gold links Schlaup placed around her neck.

“It’s part of the wealth-hoard the Mountain Queen sent with him,” Skakki whispered to Jack. “I brought it along in case he wanted to barter, but Schlaup doesn’t understand the value of gold. When he gets tired of admiring its color, he simply drops it on the ground.”

The betrothal was celebrated with gusto. Rune recounted the love story of Balder and Nanna, the god and goddess of spring. Jack gave them the tale of the Irish god Aengus, who fell in love with the Elf King’s daughter in a dream. Thorgil was discouraged from singing at all because she only liked battle scenes with bodies piling up.

They feasted, danced, and drank toast after toast to the new couple. The only discordant note was when Ymma and Ythla threw themselves on the sand and vowed to kill themselves rather than be dragged off to the Northland. “Stop whining, you little beasts,” said their mother. “You’re not spoiling the first good thing that ever happened to me.”

But Schlaup, alarmed that they might carry out their threat, found them each a gold ring to wear.