The Golden Dynasty

Chapter Fourteen The Breaking Point

It was night and I’d talked Diandra into wandering the chams because it felt nice to be out in the cool air, the torches stuck into the earth every six or seven feet that lit the pathways between the chams cast a cozy glow and I wanted to stretch my legs.

It had been a nice day. Another day with the Korwahk, another day waking up in this world, another hint that this may be my life, my old life might be lost to me forever and unless I could do the impossible, figure out what had happened and reverse it, I was going to have to get used to it.

And in it I now had Narinda and Nahka. We’d spent some more time in Narinda’s cham where she asked Diandra more questions, Diandra answered and then Diandra gave us both some Korwahk language lessons. Then we heard a “poyah” from outside the cham and Nahka, the mother of the child who had been choking came in and offered us dinner.

We accepted because Diandra knew Nahka and informed us she was lovely; because it was seriously doubtful Narinda was going to get swept from this world in her dreams and it would be good for her to get to know her neighbors; and because it was beginning to dawn on me that this might be my life and these my people so I’d need to get to know them.

Even with the language barrier and Diandra having to translate, dinner with Nahka was what dinner always was amongst girls. Lots of food, lots of wine, lots of talk about the men in our lives (Nahka was a warrior wife too, her husband’s name was Bohtan), Nahka spoke of her son (the child who was choking) and newborn daughter, Narinda and I spoke of our lands and last, there was lots of laughter.

We left with promises to do it again soon, Narinda hugged me and Diandra after we returned her to her cham and I talked Diandra into taking a walk. She agreed so we were strolling through the torchlight in our normal way, bodies close, my hand wrapped around her elbow, her other hand covering mine.

“Uh… Diandra?” I called.

“Yes, my dear,” she replied.

“Do all the Korwahk think they have a spirit or is it only the warriors?”

“All Korwahk believe they have a spirit,” she answered.

“So… uh, they’re spiritual?”

Her hand squeezed mine and she cut to the chase. “What are you truly asking, Circe?”

I smiled at a woman at a firepit outside a tent and replied, “Do they believe in God?”

“God?”

“Yes, God. A higher being, an omnipotent power, a divine creator, that kind of thing,” I explained.

“Just one?” she asked and I looked at her.

“Sorry?”

She looked at me too and her face was confused. “In your land, do you have just one god?”

I looked back at our path and shook my head. “Yes and no. Different people believe different things and some of them have more than one God they pray to but me… I believe in only one.”

“Unusual,” she muttered.

I lifted my other hand, placed it over hers on mine and squeezed. “So? Do the Korwahk believe in a god or gods?”

“They do, my dear. They have many and for each person they choose which god will be their erm… higher being. There is the Lion God, the Snake God, the Horse God, the Jackal God, the Tiger God and the True Mother. Most women pray to the True Mother. I would suspect,” her hand gave mine a pat, “your king prays to the Tiger God.”

I would suspect that too.

She kept talking. “They do not have shrines, they do not have alters, they do not have churches. They have no holy men or women and they don’t carry talismans. They do not invest any spiritual significance in a person, place or object. The spirit is inside, prayers are silent, worship is individual and personal. Adults do not discuss it with adults. It is parents who pass down the teachings of the Gods and inner spirits and they allow their children to adopt their own form of devotion.”

Interesting. And kind of cool.

“So, if they’re spiritual, um…” I trailed off.

“Yes?” Diandra prompted.

Shit.

Here we go.

“Well, you said something earlier I haven’t been able to get out of my head. Something that doesn’t um… sit right if the Korwahk are spiritual. You mentioned something about Lahn taking a woman in plunder –”

I stopped talking when she halted us and turned to me but didn’t let go of my hand.

Oh man. I knew this meant something not good.

I looked in her eyes and she spoke.

“The Horde is revered,” she said softly, “even more than any god. This is because they protect the Korwahk nation and because they rain riches on it. And they do this through marauding.”

Yep, this was not good.

“Marauding?” I whispered.

She nodded. “Korwahk is a warring nation, as is Maroo, Keenhak and other neighboring nations close and far. But Korwahk has riches that the others do not have. Veins of gold and silver. A vast wealth of diamonds in the earth. Mines of emeralds and rubies. These other nations covet these things and often wage war in order to take it for their own. The Horde rides against these armies that invade our land, murder the Korwahk people, rape our women. And The Horde never fails, Circe, ever in driving these armies back and bringing peace to the land. The Korwahk owe great debts to the blood of warriors.”

“I can see that,” I said softly.

She took in a breath then continued, “There is no government, no law, but right and wrong is known by all and wrong is punished severely, either by the Dax amongst The Horde and those who travel with and serve it and by high counselors in settlements. Therefore, with no government, no treasury set up to do things like build roads and the like, the Dax does not tax his people and the Korwahk Horde rides into neighboring nations in order to acquire further riches for their own.”

Okay, I was guessing this was the bad part.

“Go on,” I urged tentatively, needing to know but at the same time not wanting to know.

She turned us and started us walking again. “It is savage, this I will agree,” she said softly. “But if The Horde rides and a village knows they are coming, if they are smart, they make offerings so The Horde will not plunder their village. The Horde will take the offering and move on. If the village is not smart and makes no offering or the offering is considered by the Dax as too little, they will ride against the village and take from it what they feel is their due.”

I cleared my throat and walked but said not a word.

Diandra squeezed my hand and kept talking quietly. “And they do plunder, my dear, and plunder as you would expect a brutal, warring tribe to plunder. I know you do not like it when I say this but this is their way, it always has been.” She was silent for a moment and then her voice got even quieter when she went on, “In getting to know you, I can imagine your mind is turning.”

It must be said, she was not wrong about that.

“But I will share with you that your king’s agreement to give up the Xacto surprised me greatly. This, too, is their way and has been since anyone can remember. This is a remarkable concession, my dear, and you should treasure it, hold it precious and tend it so the Dax never feels regret that he made it. But, I will say, if you speak against the ways of his people who you must take to heart are now your people, I fear it would not have such a positive outcome.”

I made no response mainly because I feared the same.

Diandra sighed then kept explaining. “They bring these riches back, coin, slaves, all of it. Slaves are sold and they build tents, work in mines, serve households, provide a better life for the Korwahk. Coin and other booty is used and traded, given to wives who in turn provide custom to merchants who in turn order goods from farmers and artisans. These activities are the foundation of Korwahk life. The more The Horde showers down on their people, the better the Korwahks live, the more they revere The Horde. It is their cycle, their tradition, their way.”

“Okay,” I said and my voice trembled, “but raping women and girls and killing people to steal their property?”

“It is their way of life,” she said simply.

“Raping women and girls?” I asked quietly, shook my head and admitted, “Lahn doing that, Diandra, I have to say, it turns my stomach.”

“Then stop him from doing it.”

I stopped walking so Diandra did too and turned to me.

“Sorry?” I asked.

She smiled a small smile before saying, “You will not be able to talk to him and convince him to change the way of The Horde. Even if you were to be able to convince him, if he tried to rule his warriors and tell them they could not do as they see fit while warring and marauding, they would see this as a weakness. Although right and wrong is known, these are basics and mostly the Korwahk do as they wish. I do not know how it works and those across the Green and Marhac Seas see this as savage and, perhaps, it is, but for the Korwahk, it works. The nation knows peace, wealth and safety. If an army invades, The Horde moves and puts a stop to it in short order. This is what it is. It is akin to Dortak and his bride. The other warriors know he is abusing her and many, I can assure you, find that contemptuous but he is a warrior, he has endured training, he has leaked blood to rain riches on his nation. What he does in his cham and what he does to aid The Horde in procuring, they will make no judgment. It is not their business and they will never move against him as long as he provides service to The Horde.”

“Okay, so how do I stop Lahn –?”

She smiled and lifted a hand to my cheek, leaning her face close to mine. “I, too, found great difficulty in understanding this way of life. This, especially this, did not sit well with me and it is the only thing that took me a great deal of time to come to terms with. I did not like The Horde doing it but especially I did not like knowing my husband did it and he did, my dear Circe, he did, even after we were married.”

I closed my eyes.

Diandra kept talking. “So I found a way to stop him from doing it.”

I opened my eyes.

“How?” I whispered.

She dropped her hand. “Seerim always told me when there was a campaign. In most cases, wives stay with warriors. Wives are usually kept close. So, the night before and the morning of I made certain he had what he needed, all that he needed, as many times as he needed what he needed from me so he wouldn’t feel the need to take it from someone else.”

I got what she was saying.

“In other words, you fucked his brains out,” I replied on a smile.

“Erm…” she muttered then grinned, “if I take your meaning then yes, my dear friend, I fucked his brains out.”

I couldn’t help it, the subject matter sucked but Diandra saying that made me giggle.

Then I stopped giggling and whispered, “Well done.”

Her grin grew into a smile and she replied, “Indeed. And my tactic worked. He did not speak of it but he would come back from a campaign smelling of dirt, of sweat, of blood but never again of woman.” She nodded smartly. “There are ways to get what you need out of your warrior. You just must be clever in finding them.”

What will be was what I make of it.

“Right,” I whispered, she peered into my eyes a moment before she nodded smartly again and then turned us back to walking.

I could tell from the familiar surroundings we were heading back to my cham and I wondered, when we rode, how I would learn another layout or if The Eunuch always set up the Daxshee the same.

Then I wondered about Seerim and his age.

“Does Seerim ride with The Horde now?” I asked Diandra.

“Sometimes, during raids, if he so chooses but he has charge of training young warriors and that takes most of his concentration. During the selection, he received ten new boys he needs to break as well as keeping charge of the twenty other boys he was working with. He is quite busy with this and it is an important role. Only honored warriors as they get older are required to take on the training of the young. This is because their skills are considered desirable by the Dax and he wants these warriors to pass down their expertise. It is a high compliment.”

She spoke proudly and I squeezed her hand as my cham came in sight. “Well done, Seerim,” I said softly.

“Indeed,” she replied distractedly, I looked to her and then I followed her gaze.

That was when I noticed what I hadn’t noticed before. There were two warriors standing outside my cham. Feetak and the grinning one who Lahn spoke to the night of the games.

He was not grinning now, he was scowling, as was Feetak and the instant they laid eyes on us, they turned to my cham, bent and entered.

“Is something going on?” I asked as Diandra and I got closer.

“I do not know,” she answered softly. “But I do know, we soon shall see.”

We made it to the cham and I entered first. There was candlelight and the space was filled with warriors. Feetak and the grinning one, another one I’d seen in passing often speaking with Lahn, Seerim and Lahn.

My eyes stuck on Lahn who didn’t look at all like he was in a good mood. I started to smile hesitantly and whispered, “Hey.”

It was then he instigated the breaking point.

He took two swift, angry strides to me, his arm going down and across his body and before I knew his intention, he swung it out and struck me with the back of his hand on my cheekbone.

He did this with all his substantial strength and therefore my vision burst in a firework of white lights, agonizing pain radiated out from my cheekbone, piercing through my eye, my face and my brain to bounce against the inside of my skull and I flew to the side and went down on the hides.

I was blinking and concentrating on getting the excruciating pain to fade when I heard Diandra start, “Circe, are you –?” and I turned my head to see Lahn thrust her back with such force, she went flying into her husband. Seerim caught her, his fingers closing on her biceps as he held her steady but not tenderly. He, too, I noticed vaguely as the pain faded but did not, by a long shot, go away, looked seriously pissed.

Lahn was barking words and my eyes moved to him to see he was staring down at me as he raged. My hand drifted up to my cheekbone and I stared dazedly back at him.

“He… he wants me to… to… translate,” Diandra said haltingly then spoke a flurry of quick words in Korwahk.

I said nothing, just stared at my husband.

Lahn’s enraged eyes didn’t leave me when he snarled more words and Diandra started talking.

“He… the Dax… he says he did not know where you were. He says they’ve been looking for you. He says you are never to leave the cham without a guard.” She paused and Lahn kept thundering then she went on. “He says you are queen and you must understand this and the possible dangers and you must never, never leave the cham without a guard.” She stopped then she said, “Circe, I’m so sorry, I didn’t –”

I took my hand from my face, lifted it toward her palm up and she stopped talking.

Lahn had quit speaking but his dark eyes were still filled with wrath and they were burning into mine so fiercely I could actually feel the fire.

And I did not fucking care.

I pushed to my feet and turned my body to facing him.

Then I spoke and when I did, so did Diandra.

“My father loved my mother. He loved her deeply. He said they were the perfect match. When I was ten and she was murdered,” Diandra stopped talking and I heard her soft intake of breath but then she carried on because I didn’t stop. “He never got over it. Never got over her. Never. And he gave me all the love he would have normally given me and the love he would have given her. He thought I was precious and he treated me that way. This was because I was his daughter but it was also because I was the most important thing my mother gave to him and I was all he had left of her.” I swallowed and watched my words start to penetrate Lahn’s fury but I didn’t care about that either and kept right on talking. “And I promised myself, vowed, that I would find a man like my father who would love me deeply and treasure me more than anything in the world.”

I stopped talking when I saw Lahn’s body lock.

Then I kept going.

“You raped me,” I whispered and Diandra spoke softly, “and somehow I found it in me to forgive you. You left me out in the burning sun even though I told you the harm it would do to me and I forgave you. This is your world, this is your way and I have struggled with it but I have accepted it.” I pulled in breath and continued, “But what you did just now, taking your anger out on me when I did something in all innocence, I cannot and will not forgive. You do not know your own strength but it is formidable, so formidable it cows men but I am no man. I am a woman, your woman and you used all of it in violence against me and that, kah Dax, is unforgiveable.”

He held my eyes at the same time he held his body completely still.

I finished and I did it quietly, “My father was an honorable man and he would wish for me to be treasured. If he were here, he and all of his men would fall by your Horde’s swords in order to protect me from the harm you’ve inflicted on me. They would do it and before they did it they… wouldn’t… blink. And because of that, because I know that in the depth of my soul and because of everything he gave to me, all the love he showed me, in return, I loved him more than anything in this world. I respected him. I honored him over any man I ever met. But he is lost to me. He is gone and therefore could not be here to protect me but you should know this, my king… if he knew you, he would not like you.”

When I stopped speaking, I realized my chest was rising and falling rapidly and I held his eyes as they burned into mine.

Then he barked out the words, “Tahkoo tan!”* and the instant he did, I felt the tent empty but I didn’t tear my eyes from Lahn.

We stared at each other for long moments after we were alone, Lahn statue-still, me breathing heavily before he said in a quiet voice, “Vayoo ansha.”

I shook my head and whispered, “Never. For good and always, you have lost me. Na me lapay kah Lahn. Not anymore.”**

I watched him flinch but I didn’t care about that either.

When he recovered, his voice was soft when he said, “Vayoo ansha, kah rahna fauna.”

I shook my head again and moved. Skirting him, I went to the trunks and dropped to my knees to open one to get a nightgown thinking I had no escape. I had nowhere to go. I didn’t even have another fucking room where I could hide and let lose the tears that were burning in my throat.

I felt him come at me before he got to me then his arms closed around me from behind, trapping mine tight to my front and he pulled me to my feet. He held me close and bent at the waist so his face was in my neck. There he spoke more soft words and I pushed hard against his arms caging mine but, as usual, there was no give.

That burning in my throat grew so hot it rivaled the pain I still felt in my cheekbone and I felt the additional sting of tears in my sinuses.

“Let me go,” I whispered on another attempt to jerk my arms free.

He spoke more soft words and I jerked again. Then he let me go, I started to step away but before I could I was up in the air, cradled in his arms but they were like steel bands, locking me close. I tried to arch my back and buck but this was to no avail. He turned and took two long strides to the bed, sat then fell to his side, my back to the bed, my hips in his lap, thighs over his and I couldn’t swallow the sob that tore from my throat, filling the tent with the sound of sorrow.

“Kah Lahnahsahna Circe,” he whispered, his hand cupping my head, forcing it into his chest as his other arm locked me in place.

“Let me go,” I sobbed into his chest, my hands flat against it on either side of my face, pushing, but he didn’t move. I gave up and whispered, “Let me go.”

He didn’t let me go, he kept my face in his chest and his arm tight around me as I cried, I sobbed, I bawled, I let it all hang out. Everything. Everything I was feeling. Everything that haunted my headspace for days. Being in this world and not knowing why. Being hunted and raped. Being confused and hurt. Watching a man die while his chain was hooked to me. Losing my world, my father, my job, my friends, my culture and everything I knew. Finding friends and building friendships at the same time not knowing if they would be torn away. And struggling against starting to fall in love with a man I didn’t understand, whose ways frightened and repulsed me but I was drawn to him by something I couldn’t deny because it was just… that… strong.

And then, with one swing of his mighty arm, falling right out of love and landing with a crash so brutal, it shattered me.

In other words, I cried a lot of fucking tears.

So many, it exhausted me. So much emotion, I couldn’t get it all out, it was impossible, the effort felt like it would kill me and my body had to shut down just to survive.

Therefore I fell asleep in Lahn’s cradling arms even as the tears continued to fall.

* * * * *

I woke in the night still in Lahn’s arms and I didn’t hesitate in pulling away, rolling and getting up from the bed.

Candlelight still spluttered, as it always did, he never extinguished them in the night, and it led my way to the trunks. I opened one, selected a nightgown, pulled it out, took off my clothes and jewelry, dropping them unheeded to the rugs at my feet and then I slid the nightgown on.

Then I moved to the bed of hides by the flaps and laid down, my head to the cushions, my back to Lahn in the bed.

I barely got settled before I was going up, his arms around me, cradling me to his chest again and I was back in bed. He jerked the silk out from under us, settled it over us and then he pulled me under his body, his heavy legs tangling with mine, his arm nearly fully around me, his weight pinning me to the bed.

As ever, no escape.

So I escaped the only way I had.

I twisted my neck to turn my face away.

But I was with Lahn and Lahn being Lahn, he didn’t even give me that.

His big hand curved around my jaw and he turned my head so I was facing him then his fingers glided into the hair at the side of my head, his thumb against my cheek, forcing my face into his throat and keeping it there.

I felt the burn in my throat and pulled in a deep breath that broke in the middle, loudly, communicating my struggle against tears.

Lahn’s fingers tensed into my scalp but otherwise his hand didn’t move.

It took a lot out of me, everything I had left, but I succeeded in holding them back.

When my breath evened, communicating I won my battle, Lahn’s neck bent and I felt his lips on my hair as his fingers again tensed gently into my scalp.

There he whispered, “Na lapay kah rahna Dahksahna. Na lapay kah Lahnahsahna. Na lapay kah Circe. Fahzah, Circe. Fahzah. Farzah kay markan nahna rah ruhnee zo kay. Farzah. Kuvoo sah, Circe, loot farzah danhay.”***

One couldn’t say I had the Korwahk language down pat, not even close, but I knew enough to know what he was saying.

And from the way he said it, I knew he really meant it.

And there it was, I had no choice, I had no escape, I had nothing.

So I closed my eyes, forced my body to relax and tried to find sleep.

This took awhile before I succeeded and his hand never left my head until I was out and when I went out, I went out.

So I didn’t feel nor even sense Lahn’s hand drifting down to curl around my neck nor did I feel the pad of his thumb tenderly press up on my jaw to expose my face to him.

And lastly, I didn’t feel his lips brush mine before his arm curved around me, he pulled me deeper under him and then he fell asleep.

*Translation: “Leave us!”

**Translation: “You are not my Lahn.”

***Translation: “You are my golden queen. You are my tigress. You are my Circe. Always, Circe. Always. Never will I allow your gold to be taken from me. Never. Understand this, Circe, and never forget.”