The Fuller Memorandum

12. COUNTERMEASURES

MEANWHILE, OVER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE LOOKING GLASS:

“Listen, let me give you an update. I’ve been suspended on pay. I need you to pick up a ward for me, as soon as you can. I’m heading home now, but I’m inaudible and they inaudible can you find him and tell him inaudible—”

Mo sighs, exasperated, as her phone beeps three times and hangs up on Bob. She waits five seconds, then hits redial. It connects immediately.

“Hello, you have reached the voice mail of—”

She puts her phone away, leaving it for later. Bob’s obviously in a poor reception zone, but if he’s heading home they can compare notes in a couple of hours. Being suspended is bad news for Bob, but she’s been half-expecting it. They’ve both been under too much pressure lately: the business with the cultists, the suspected leak, all the other minutiae of being part of the operational front end of an organization under increasing strain. Everyone is under strain these days; even the people who aren’t cleared to know about Dr. Mike’s bombshell.

Mo heads towards an anonymous industrial estate in the suburbs out near Croydon, where some of the more technical departments have relocated while Service House is being rebuilt. She travels by tube and then commuter train, and finally by bus, keeping one hand on her violin case at all times. It takes her an hour and a half to make the journey: strap-hanging in grim silence, alone with her worries about the evidence she removed from Mr. Dower’s workshop. She travels under the gaze of cameras; cameras on the tube platforms, cameras in the railway station concourses, cameras on the buses. Many of them are linked to the SCORPION STARE network, part of the huge surveillance web the government is spinning to keep the nation safe in the final days. But the final days may be about to arrive with a bang, two or three years earlier than anticipated . . .

She walks the hundred meters to the car park entrance, then enters an anonymous-looking office reception area in an otherwise windowless building. A plain signboard on the high razor-wire-topped fence outside proclaims it the property of Invicta Security Ltd., and the portrait of a slavering German shepherd beneath the sign promises a warm welcome to would-be burglars. Both signs are, of course, lying: the building currently houses most of the Occult Forensics Department, and there’s no easy way to visually depict the protean, gelatinous horrors that ooze around the premises by night.

“Hello, Invicta—” The blue-suiter behind the counter pauses. “Dr. O’Brien. Can I see your pass, please?”

Mo presents her warrant card. “Hi, Dave. Is Dr. Williams in?”

“I think so.” Dave pokes at his computer terminal. “Yes, he’s booked in. Do you need to see him?”

“I’ve got a job on. Can you page him?”

“I’ll do that.” Dave points a webcam on a stalk at her, then prints off a temporary badge. “Here, wear this. It’s valid for zones one and two, you know the drill.”

“Yes.” Mo doesn’t smile. Whereas the New Annexe mostly deals with paper (apart from the armory), the OFD handles physically—and in some cases spiritually—hazardous materials. Access to the inner zones is restricted for good reason.

While Dave pages Dr. Williams, Mo plants herself on one of the powder-blue waiting area seat-things, and idly pages through some of the magazines on the occasional table: Forensic Sciences Digest, Gunshot Wounds Monthly, Which? PCR. Her attention is a million kilometers away from the articles, but they serve as a distraction for her eyes. She has one of the magazines open at a color spread of spent bullets retrieved from victims of crime when a shadow falls across her. “Mo! What brings you out here?”

She looks up, forcing a smile. “Nick? Are you busy? Can we discuss this in your office?”

Five minutes later, another windowless office with overflowing bookshelves and too many filing cabinets. “What have you got for me?” he asks. Balding, in his late forties, Nick is the research lead in this particular lab.

“A special job.” Mo pauses. “Sub rosa.”

“Sub—Oh shit. Tell me it isn’t so.”

She shakes her head. “I think it’s probably a leak rather than an inside job, but even so, this is for you, not the office junior. Eyes only.” She pulls out the tub of paper clips from Mr. Dower’s workroom, and the small stapler from beside his cash register, and places them on the worktable opposite Dr. Williams’s desk. “The owner of these items was murdered about forty-eight hours ago. He’d just prepared a special report for me. I’m pretty certain the killer took the report, and knowing George—the victim—he would have paper-clipped or stapled it. So I want a full read on the top copy—and a locator.”

Dr. Williams whistles between his front teeth. “You don’t want much, do you?” He pauses. “When do you need it by?”

“Right now.” Mo positions her violin case on the visitor’s chair, then lets go of it. “It’s very urgent.”

“Oh. I can have it with you by eight tonight, if I—”

“No.” She smiles, letting him see her teeth. “When I said now, I meant right now.”

“What’s so urgent?” Williams, unwilling to be rushed, crosses his arms and stares at her.

“Are you on the distribution for CLUB ZERO?”

Williams’s face turns ashen. “That was the business in Amsterdam, wasn’t it?”

“They’re over here, too. The document in question is a detailed report on that.” She points at the violin case. “Whoever has got the report is almost certainly a live hostile, and may I remind you that the item they’re after is in your office?” Her smile evaporates. “You really want to get me out of here . . .”

THERE IS A PHILOSOPHY BY WHICH MANY PEOPLE LIVE THEIR lives, and it is this: life is a shit sandwich, but the more bread you’ve got, the less shit you have to eat.

These people are often selfish brats as kids, and they don’t get better with age: think of the shifty-eyed smarmy asshole from the sixth form who grew up to be a merchant banker, or an estate agent, or one of the Conservative Party funny-handshake mine’s-a-Rolex brigade.

(This isn’t to say that all estate agents, or merchant bankers, or conservatives, are selfish, but that these are ways of life that provide opportunities for people of a certain disposition to enrich themselves at the expense of others. Bear with me.)

There is another philosophy by which people live their lives, and it goes thus: you will do as I say or I will hurt you.

It’s petty authoritarianism, and it frequently runs in families. Dad’s a dictator, Mum’s henpecked, and the kids keep quiet if they know what’s good for them—all the while soaking up the lesson that mindless obedience is the only safe course of action. These kids often rescue themselves, but some of them don’t. They grow up to be thugs, insecure and terrified of uncertainty, intolerant and unable to handle back-chat, willing to use violence to get what they want.

Let me draw you a Venn diagram with two circles on it, denoting sets of individuals. They overlap: the greedy ones and the authoritarian ones. Let’s shade in the intersecting area in a different color, and label it: dangerous . Greed isn’t automatically dangerous on its own, and petty authoritarians aren’t usually dangerous outside their immediate vicinity—but when you combine the two, you get gangsters and dictators and hate-spewing preachers.

There is a third philosophy by which—thankfully—only a tiny minority of people live their lives. It’s a bit harder to sum up, but it begins like this: in the beginning was the endless void, and the void spawned the Elder things, and we were created to be their slaves, and they’re going to return to Earth in the near future, and it is only by willingly subordinating ourselves to their merest whim that we can hope to survive—

Now let me drop another circle on the diagram, and scribble in the tiny patch where it intersects with the other two circles, and label it in deepest fuliginous black: here be monsters.

Greedy: check. Authoritarian: check. Worshipers of the most bizarre, anti-human monsters you can imagine: check. That’s the Brotherhood of the Black Pharaoh (and their masks like the Free Church of the Universal Kingdom) and all of their ilk. Hateful, dangerous, unpleasant, greedy, and all-around bad people who you don’t want to have anything to do with if you can help it.

There’s just one problem with this picture . . .

That bit about in the beginning was the endless void?

They’re right.

(Oops.)

Here’s the problem:

We live in a hideously reticulated multiverse, where most of the dimensionality of spacetime is hidden from our view—curved in on themselves in closed loops, tucked away in imaginary spaces—but the stuff we can observe is a tiny fraction of the entirety of what we live in. Magic, the stuff I deal with in the office on a day-to-day basis, involves the indirect manipulation of information flow through these unseen dimensions, and communication with the extra-dimensional entities that live elsewhere. I’m an applied computational demonologist—how can I not believe this stuff?

Not the bit about original creation, oh no. Beings like N’yar lath-Hotep didn’t mold us out of the black clay of the Nile delta: I’ve got no beef with modern cosmology. But those of them who take an interest in our kind find it useful for humans to believe such myths, and so they encourage the cultist numpties through their pursuit of forbidden lore.

We aren’t alone in this cosmos; we aren’t even alone on this planet, as anyone who’s met a BLUE HADES can attest (there’s a reason all those domed undersea cities of the future never got built in the 1950s) . . . and don’t get me started on DEEP SEVEN, the lurkers in the red-hot depths. But our neighbors, the Deep Ones and the Chthonians, are adapted for wildly different biospheres. There is no colonial overlap to bring us to the point of conflict—which is a very good thing, because the result would be a very rapid Game Over: Humans Lose.

The things that keep me awake in the small hours aren’t anything like as approachable as a Deep One. (Hell, I’ve worked with a Deep One. Left a part of my soul behind with her. No matter.) The things that terrify me are blue-green worms, twisting and coiling luminous intrusions glimpsed in the abruptly emptied eyes of a former colleague; minds patient and incomprehensibly old that find amusement in our tortured writhing; Boltzmann Brains from the chaotic, necrotic depths of the distant future, reaching back through the thinning ultrastructure of spacetime to idly toy with our reality. Things that go “bump” in the night eternal. Things that eat us—

There is a fourth and final philosophy by which some of us live our lives, and it boils down to this: do not go quietly into that dark night. Draw a fourth circle on that now-crowded Venn diagram and you’ll see that while it intersects the greedy and authoritarian circles, and even has a tiny overlap with the greedy authoritarian bit, it doesn’t quite intersect with the third circle, the worshipers. It holds up a mirror to their self-destruction. Call it the circle of the necromantic apostates. That’s where I stand, whether I’m greedy or authoritarian or both. (I don’t think I’m either, but how can I be sure?)

I may believe in mind-eating horrors from beyond spacetime, but they’ll have to break my neck before I bend it to their yoke.

Keep telling yourself that, Bob.

MO CARRIES HER VIOLIN AND FOLLOWS DR. WILLIAMS AS HE picks up a chipped plywood tea tray and backs through a swinging door, carrying the jar of paper clips and the stapler. The glass window in the door is hazed by a fine wire mesh, and the edges of the door are lined with copper fingers that close against a metal strip inside the frame. Williams places the tray on one end of an optical workbench, then bolts the door and flips a switch connected to a red lamp outside his office.

“You’ve worked with one of these before?” he asks.

“Of course.” Mo shrugs out of her jacket and hangs it on a hook. “It’s the entanglement-retrieval bit I’m unfamiliar with. That, and I may need a lab report. I know my limits.”

“Good.” Williams’s smile is humorless. “Then if I tell you to stay in the isolation grid over there you know what the consequences are for getting things wrong.”

“Indeed.” She opens the violin case and removes her bone-white instrument and its bow. Williams stares at it for a moment.

“Do you really need that?”

“When I said they’re targeting me, I wasn’t exaggerating. Besides, the document they stole was a report on this very instrument. If they’re trying to backtrack from it to find the original, then when you bring up the Adams-Todt resonance it might lead them here.”

Dr. Williams snorts. “I’m sure the front desk will be very happy to see them.” He turns to the bench and unclamps a swinging arm, uses it to position a glass diffraction grating in a path defined by a set of curious pentagonal prisms positioned at the ten vertices of an irregular pentacle. “Would you pass me the data logger? It’s the second one along on the top shelf . . .”

It takes Dr. Williams a quarter of an hour to set up the forensic magician’s workbench. Apart from the odd geometric layout it doesn’t resemble the popular imagination’s picture of a sorcerer’s laboratory. Colored chalk lines and eye of newt are gone, replaced by solid-state lasers and signal generators: pointy hats and robes have given way to polarized goggles and lab coats. The samples, stripped of their containers, are transferred to windowed containers using perspex tongs. Williams slots them into place in the observation rig. “Okay, stations,” he says conversationally. “I haven’t modified the beam line so there should be no overspill, but I’ll run a low power test first just in case.”

Mo and the forensic demonologist move to stand inside complex designs inlaid in the floor in pure copper. “How’s your personal ward?” he asks.

Mo reaches for the fine silver chain around her neck. “Mine’s fine,” she says slowly. “Damn, I should have drawn a spare for Bob. It’s a bit late now, do you have any kicking around?”

“I’ll see what I can do afterwards. Okay, goggles on, lights going out. Testing in ten, nine, eight . . .” He pushes a switch. The red laser beam is only visible where it passes through the prisms. “You getting any overspill?”

“None.” The room is dark, the only light source the faint trickle through the thickly frosted glass of the window in the door.

“Good.” Williams cuts the power, then reaches across the bench by touch and rotates the sample tubes a quarter turn, lining them up with the beam path. Then he adjusts a mirror, flipping it to face a different and bulkier laser. “Okay, I’m switching to the high power source. Going live in ten, nine, eight . . . .”

An image shimmers faintly in the darkness, stitched out in violet speckles across the translucent face of the screen on the optical bench. A pallid rectangle, violet with black runes.

“That might be it,” Mo says quietly.

“I expect so. I’m upping the power.” The rectangle fills in, glowing brighter and brighter. “Okay, I’m exposing the photographic paper now.”

“What kind of camera . . . ?”

“Pinhole, with two holes. Yes, it’s a double-split interferometer. Quiet, now . . .” There’s a soft click. Ten seconds later there’s another click. “Okay, I got the exposure done. Shame we can’t use CCDs for this job, but you wouldn’t want to feed some of the things we look at to a computing device . . . Right. You want to look at the bearer?”

“Yes.” Mo leans forward, careful to stay within her ward (which glows pale blue, the nacreous glimmer washing over her feet). “It might retrieve Mr. Dower; I can identify him. If it’s anyone else, I’d like a portrait, please.”

“I’ll just reload the interferometer. Wait one . . . Okay, I’m ready. Now comes the fun bit. Do you know Zimbardo’s Second Rite?”

Mo pauses for a while. “I think so.”

“Good, because we’re going there. Don’t worry, your part isn’t hard. Let’s get started.”

After five minutes of minute adjustments, Williams runs a certain specialized script on his workstation, which starts up a sound track of chants in an esoteric language and sends a sequence of commands to the microcontrollers in the workbench. As the baritone voices intone meaningless syllables with the mindless precision of a speech synthesizer, he whispers to her: “Some visitors say it spoils the fun, but I rather think it’s better than taking the risk of a slip of the tongue . . .”

A new image begins to fuzz into being in the screen, the drawn face of a male, fifty-something, wearing an expression of intent concentration.“That’s Dower,” Mo confirms. “He wrote the report. Who do you get next?”

“Let’s see. It’ll cycle through the bearers soon enough . . .”

Dower’s face is melting, morphing into a likeness. Mo’s breath catches in her throat. “Shit.”

“You get around, do you?” Williams sounds amused.

“No, I told you they’re targeting me directly—” She stops, her voice rising. “It would be the best way to get the report out of Dower—send an agent who looks like me—”

“I believe you.” The amusement drops from his voice. “Thousands wouldn’t.”

“Let them.” She takes a deep breath. “Is there anyone else?”

“Wait.” The face is fading, slowly. As it dims, Mo sees a faint shimmer about the eyes: the only sign that it may be a false sending. Whoever is behind the glamour is very good. “Come on, come on . . .” Dr. Williams murmurs under his breath.

Mo shifts her weight uneasily from one foot to the other, as she does when her feet are complaining about too many hours in smart shoes. She glances sidelong into the darkness, where the shadows are swirling and thickening. A faint spectral scatter of spillage from the violet laser shimmers across the wall. “Any res—”

She is in the process of turning her head back towards Dr. Williams and the workbench as the imago shudders and distorts, twisting into another’s face.

Williams is meticulous, and doesn’t cut corners. This is why he and Mo survive.

There’s a crack like a gunshot, and two near-simultaneous bangs from the power supplies that feed the workbench: high-speed krytron switches short the output to earth. A rattle of broken glass follows, as shards from the diffraction screen and some of the pentaprisms follow. The synthesized voices stop. Seconds later, a thin wisp of smoke begins to curl from the top of the laptop.

“Sitrep,” snaps Williams.

“Contained and uninjured. Yourself?” Mo raises a hand to her cheek. One finger comes away damp with blood: not uninjured. The pain hasn’t reached her yet.

“Keep your goggles on and stay in the grid until I say you’re clear.” The smoke is nauseatingly thick. Williams reaches out with the perspex tongs and flips the light switch. “Thaumometer says we’re grounded. Clear to step out of the grid.” He demonstrates. “Damn, what a mess.”

Mo swallows. “Is there a CCTV track?”

“What did I tell you earlier about images and computers . . . ? No, but we ought to be able to confirm whether it’s your document.” He sounds unhappy. “Did you get a glimpse of, of whatever that was?”

She nods. “Been there, done that.”

“Countermeasures.” Williams makes an obscenity of the word. “Does that tell you anything useful?”

“Yes.” Mo picks up her handbag from the workbench on the opposite wall, hunting for a tissue. “Whoever’s got the report knows what it is—and they’re willing to fight to keep it.” She draws a deep, shuddering breath. “Do you have a secure voice line? I need to make a call.”

CLICK-CLACK. “DON’T MOVE.”

I stand very still. The sound of a shotgun slide being racked at a range of less than three meters is a fairly good indication that your luck has run out—especially if you can’t see where the shooter’s positioned.

“Very good, Mr. Howard.” The speaker is male, standing somewhere behind me. He’s on the embankment, of course. Even the B-Team learn eventually. (Maybe I should have tried to shoot them the other night. And maybe I should cultivate my inner psychopath some more. Oh well.) “Do what I say and I won’t shoot you. If you understand, nod.”

I nod like a Churchill dog, thinking furiously. His accent is odd. Welsh? I can’t place it.

“When I stop speaking I want you to slowly remove your pistol and place it on the ground in front of you. Then I want you to turn around. Do you understand?”

“But I’m not—”

“Did I ask you to speak?” His voice is icy. I shut up fast.

“If you understand, nod,” he repeats. I nod. It’s not my job to disillusion him about my imaginary invisible handgun. Like I said: the B-Team are more dangerous than the A-Team, just like sweating dynamite is more dangerous than Semtex. “Do it,” he says. “Do it very slowly or I’ll shoot you.”

I very slowly lift the right side of my jacket, and mime unhooking a non-existent pistol from a non-existent belt clip. Then I lean over sideways until I nearly topple, and lower my hand towards the roots of a tree. Finally I straighten up—still moving slowly—and turn round, raising my hands.

My first reaction is, A man without a face is pointing a shotgun at me. Then I realize that he’s glammed up, his head masked by a shimmer of random snapshots of other people, like something out of a Philip K. Dick novel. Other than that, he’s wearing jeans and a gray hoodie—just like a million other men in and around this great capital city; the only deviant part of the ensemble is the tactical shotgun.

“Take two steps downhill, until you’re on the path,” he tells me. “Then kneel with your hands on top of your head.”

My heart, barely under control a minute ago, is pounding, but I do what he tells me to do. Arguing with a shotgun isn’t clever. I manage to kneel with my hands on my head—which is harder than you might think, when the ground’s uneven, you’re amped up on adrenaline, and you’re over thirty—and wait.

“Don’t move,” he says. The sun beats down on us as we wait in a frozen diorama for almost a minute. Then I hear footsteps, and a jingling sound, from behind. “Don’t move,” repeats Mr. Faceless, as someone takes hold of my left wrist and clips one ring of a pair of handcuffs around it. “Got him, boss,” says another male voice.

Shit, I think, tensing and ready to make a move if the opportunity presents—but they’re not total idiots and they’ve already got my other wrist.

“Now lie down,” says Mr. Faceless.

What can I do? I take a dive, making a controlled sprawl forward on the dusty cycle path. Thinking: They wouldn’t be doing this if they were going to kill—Mr. Faceless’s companion plants one knee on the small of my back and thrusts a sickly sweet-smelling wad of cotton under my nose—me . . .

The lights go out.

FROM THE VOICE TRANSCRIPT CALL LOG, NEW ANNEXE:

(Click.) “Angleton.”

“Angleton? O’Brien here.” (Pause.) “What have you done with him?”

(Pause.) “What?”

“Have you checked your email?”

“I don’t believe—excuse me.”

(Pause.) “Well?”

(Dry chuckle.) “He’s a clever boy.”

“And that’s an interesting distribution list on the second message, isn’t it. What have you set him up for this time?”

(Pause.) “A task I would perform myself, were I allowed to, my dear.”

“Bullshit.”

“No, you misunderstand. I am no more permitted to read the Fuller Memorandum than you are permitted to read and revise your own articles of service.”

“But you sent Bob out with a, a fake . . .”

“Yes. He’s the hare to lure the greyhound—or more accurately the mole—after him. I expect their identity will become clear tomorrow morning, in the course of the BLOODY BARON brown bag session. Which I for one can heartily recommend to you as the cheapest entertainment you’ll see all week—”

“Angleton. Shut up.”

“What?”

“You’ve forgotten something.”

“Hm, yes?”

“Bob’s been suspended on pay.”

(Impatiently.) “Yes?”

“I called Boris.”

“And what has that to do with the price of cheese . . . ?”

“Boris says his firearm was recalled. And he doesn’t have a ward. He left it with me this morning. He’s on the outside and he’s naked. Have you heard from him?”

“No . . .”

“I tried to phone him a couple of minutes ago. His number is ringing straight through to voice mail.”

(Pause.) “Oh.”

“I think you’d better make sure that your greyhound hasn’t actually caught your hare. Otherwise the Auditors are going to be handling a couple more enquiries.”

(Icily.) “Are you threatening me?”

“You know better than that. I merely note that if Bob doesn’t make it home tonight we can assume that CLUB ZERO have him. Which would rather blow the wheels off your little game with the BLOODY BARON committee, wouldn’t it? Not to mention the collateral damage.”

(Pause.) “Yes.”

“So.” (Pause.) “What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to tell Major Barnes to put his merry men on notice—those of them who aren’t playing cowboys and indians in the hills above Kandahar. Then I’m going to locate Bob. Alan can take it from there.”

“I want to come along.”

“I wouldn’t dream of telling you to stay away, my dear, not with your specialist expertise. The problem is—”

“What problem?”

“I was building a waterproof case to hand over to Internal Affairs for prosecution before the Black Assizes. Trying to map the mole’s contacts. Cultists are fragile: if they commit suicide we may never find their accomplices.”

“Angleton. Would you rather lose Bob?”

“Hmm. If you must put it that way, no. But remember, in the endgame, we are all expendable.”

“I’m so glad to hear it.”

“As for you, would you like to make yourself useful?”

“How?”

“This little interruption has, as you reminded me, disrupted certain plans. But not, I hope, irretrievably. On your way to hook up with Alan’s boys and girls, I’d like you to go and have a glass of wine with a friend of mine, and convey a proposition to him. It’ll put me in his debt if he takes it, I’m afraid, but I think it’s necessary. I’ll email you the details.”

“Who are you talking about?”

“Nikolai Panin.”

(End of call log.)

I’M DREAMING.

I’m looking out across a wasteland of rolling ground, gray and crumbly as lunar regolith, beneath a starry sky. There’s no vegetation, not even stunted cacti or lichen crawling across the rocks that dot the ground. In the distance I see a low wall, writhing across the landscape like a dead snake: it’s as gray as the ground, too. The stars—

I can see at a glance that this is not Earth’s sky.

A lurid band of orange and green swirls across half the void, bisecting it with a smoky knife a million times brighter than the Milky Way. The stars sprinkled across it are eye-stabbingly visible, several of them as bright and red as Mars. They cast a harsh and pale radiance across the sloping desert floor. This is not the skyscape of a planet quietly orbiting a star in the suburban spiral arms of a regular galaxy—I’m looking at the view from a world much closer to the active core of a galaxy or globular cluster. And it’s an ugly, elderly galactic core, deep in the throes of senescence, a blaze of dust and gas spewing across the heavens from the dying exhalations of supernovae.

I try to turn my head, but my neck doesn’t want to work. It’s very strange—I can’t feel my body. I don’t seem to be breathing, or blinking, and I can’t feel my heartbeat—but I’m not afraid. Maybe I’m dead?

In the distance, so far away that I can barely see it, low down and close to the horizon, the landscape takes a rectilinear turn. A shallow pyramid or volcanic mound as symmetrical as Mount Fuji reaches for the sky. I’ve got no way of telling how high it is, but instinct tells me it’s vast, rising kilometers from the center of the flatlands. Something about it creeps me out, almost as much as the murdered sky. I’ve got a feeling about it, a sense of dreadful immanence. There’s something inside the pyramid, something that has no right to exist in this or any other universe. I shouldn’t be here, but the thing in the pyramid is even more out of its place and time. It’s contained, that I know, but why it might need to be contained—

“—Told you not to overdo the ether! Can’t you get anything right? If he’s dead—”

The words buzz around my ears like meaningless insects, distracting me from the watch on the sleeper. The sleeper needs watching, demands witnesses who will collapse its quantum states and render it inert, incarnate in bosonic mass. I’m here because I’m part of the watch. They’re scattered to either side of me, the White Baron’s victims, impaled on stainless steel spikes, dead and yet undead, watching the sleeper. A massive sacrifice planned by the architect of terror to keep—

“—Got the smelling salts? Good—”

I can feel the pain gnawing at my abdomen, a deep and terrible burning pressure, and I’m on the edge of understanding that something awful has been done to me just as a horrible stench of cat piss steals up my nostrils and I feel a twitching in my eyelids.

“Is he responding?”

I understood that.

Abruptly, the dead plateau and the nightmare watchers and the sleeper in the pyramid are a million lightyears away from the headache that’s stabbing at the back of my eyes, and the stench of ammoniacal smelling salts tickles my nose harshly, evoking a sneeze.

“Ah, that looks promising. Hello, Mr. Howard? Can you hear me?”

Fuck.

Suddenly wisps of memory slot into place. I find myself wishing I was back on the plateau, just another mummified corpse, another upright fencepost in the necromantic wall that hems in the pyramid. “Yuuuuh . . .” My mouth isn’t working right; I’m slobbering like an out-of-control drunk, drooling incontinently. I blink, and the buzzing I’ve only just noticed recedes as I sense light and movement and chaos and an outside world that is acquiring color again.

“He’s awake.” The woman’s voice is heavy with satisfaction. “All-Highest will be most pleased.” As words to wake to, those leave something to be desired; but beggars can’t be choosers. A boot nudges me in the vicinity of my right kidney. “You. Say something.”

“S-s-something.”

It’s not as classy as you’ll never get away with this or if it wasn’t for you interfering kids . . . but I have an idea that I wouldn’t enjoy Ms. Boot renewing her acquaintance with Mr. Kidney, and if there’s one thing extreme god-botherers of every stripe have in common, it’s that they don’t have any sense of humor at all where their beliefs are concerned.

“Ow.” That’s for my head, which is now telling me in no uncertain terms that I’m nursing a ten-vodka hangover. Oh, and my wrists are handcuffed in front of me. I blink again, trying to see where I am.

I’m lying on my side on a thin foam mattress that’s seen better days, in a small room with walls painted in that peculiar rotted cream color that landlords like to call Magnolia. They’ve removed my jacket while I was out for the count. There’s a cheap IKEA chest of drawers and wardrobe, and a sash window half-masked by thin cotton curtains. Apart from the lack of a bed it could be just about any anonymous rented room in a shared flat—that and the two B-Team goons. Mr. Headless-Shotgun—who has left his trench broom somewhere else—nudges me in the back; another guy (young, blond, probably the friend with the handcuffs) is watching from the far side of the room, while the woman from the cycle path the other night squats in front of me, peering at my face. She’s a twenty-something rosy-cheeked embryonic Sloane Ranger—the anti-goth incarnate—with bouncy ponytail and plumped-up lips quirking with humor beneath eyes utterly devoid of anything resembling pity. She probably shops in Harvey Nicks and dotes on her pony.

“It speaks,” she declares, in a home-counties accent so sharp you could cut glass with it. “Pharaoh be praised.”

Pharaoh? Bollocks. She’s an initiate. Inner circle, then, which means I am potentially in a tanker-load of trouble. I try to clear my throat, but my head’s throbbing and I still don’t have full muscle control back. (Ether is vile stuff, as Hunter Thompson noted.) “W-w-water.”

“Do you want some water?” Her face is instantly concerned. I try to nod. She gets the message. “Julian, fetch Mr. Howard some water.” She doesn’t look at Mr. Headless-Shotgun as she issues the order: she’s focusing on me, with a strangely concerned look. “We wouldn’t want him to get dehydrated.”

“Yah. Er, Jonquil, should I fetch . . . ?”

His hesitant question brings a smile to her face. “Yes, a little aperitif would be good. Bring it.”

Aperitif? I clear my throat as Julian Headless-Shotgun leaves through a door I can’t see. “Drinking before you take me to the All-Highest? Isn’t that a bit unwise?” It’s a calculated risk, but her pink court shoes are a bit less likely to do Mr. Kidney an injury than Julian’s size-twelve DMs.

“Oh, I’m not going to get drunk.” She gives a little giggle.

Mr. Blond clears his throat: “You’re the one who’s going to be drunk.”

“Oh do shut up, Gareth,” Jonquil says tiredly.

“I’m just trying to explain—”

“Yes, you’re very trying.” Her world-weary tone suggests to me that Mr. Blond is definitely from the B-Team—unlike Jonquil, who has proven frighteningly competent, so far. “Why don’t you go through Mr. Howard’s jacket pockets instead, in case he’s carrying any nasty surprises for us?”

“Yes, Dark Mistress. I live only to obey.”

I must be slow today because it takes several seconds for the coin to drop. “You’re not vampires, are you?” I ask, trying to stay calm; the prospect of falling into the clutches of the Brotherhood of the Black Pharaoh is quite bad enough without accidentally crossing the streams with a bunch of live-action Vampire: The Masquerade fans—and you can never be too sure. (Cultists aren’t usually noted for their tight grip on reality.)

“No!” She giggles again. “Vampires don’t exist! We’re just going to drink your blood and eat a teeny-tiny bit of your flesh, silly.”

I can’t help myself: I try and wriggle away from her. Which is fine as far as it goes, but as there’s a wall about half a meter behind my back I don’t get very far. “Why?” I manage to ask as Julian the Blood-Drinking Shotgun-Toting Cultist reappears with a bottle of Perrier, a scalpel, and a pair of unpleasantly fat syringes.

“Transubstantiation: it’s not just for Christians anymore!” She sits on my back to stop me squirming away from Julian, then takes the scalpel and lays my left sleeve open from cuff to elbow. “Be a good boy and I’ll let you have the water afterwards. This won’t hurt much, if you don’t struggle.”

She sticks me on the inside of the elbow with the first needle, and pokes around for a vein with expertise that is clearly born of much practice. I grit my teeth. “Won’t your All-Highest take exception to you sampling the buffet?”

“Mummy won’t mind,” she announces airily. “Next tube, Julian darling.” She stabs me again, and this time there’s a brief spark of searing pain as she nails a nerve. “It was her idea, actually,” she says confidingly. “If your active service units find us and try to set up a geas to immobilize everyone but you, the law of contagion will keep us moving.”

“Yeah,” echoes Gareth from the other side of the room, doing his dimwitted best to keep up with the program.

I boggle slightly. “Would it change your mind if I said I was HIVPOSITIVE?”

She pauses for a moment, then points her nose in the air. “No,” she says dismissively. “Mummy’s seen your medical records, she’d have said. Don’t tell lies, Mr. Howard, it will only get you into trouble.” She passes the second syringe—turgid with purplish-red blood—up to Julian, then raises the scalpel. “Now this will hurt!” she announces as she bends over me with a curiously intent expression.

I swear for a few seconds. Then I give in and scream.