The Flying Sorcerers

I found Purple and Shoogar wrangling over a writingskin with complicated markings all over it. Wilville was sitting on a stone crying in frustration. Orbur was patting him on the back.

The source of the trouble was a perplexing one. Purple was trying to convince Shoogar that the lines on the skin were a flying machine. Shoogar didn’t understand and neither did I.

“Listen, lizardhead,” he was saying, “animal skins don’t fly. They need animals in them even to move.”

The skin doesn’t fly!” Purple screamed. “It’s only something to put the flying machine lines on!”

“Oh? Then the lines fly?”

“No — these lines don’t, but they are a flying machine. That is, they are a —” He paused, having trouble choosing the right word,’-simulacrum.”

“Nonsense,” said Shoogar, “if this were a simulacrum, it would be a flying machine in itself. How can it be a simulacrum and not be a flying machine?”

“It’s a nonworking simulacrum,” insisted Purple.

“Don’t be silly — the two terms are contradictory. It’s like saying it is a nonworking spell.”

Purple muttered something in his demon tongue. “It’s like a doll, Shoogar, it’s —”

“That’s what I mean!” Shoogar cut him off. “A doll is the person and the person is the doll. What more do you need to know?”

“The doll isn’t the person. The doll is a doll!” snapped Purple.

“And you are a frognose,” Shoogar snapped back.

“Hah! You would be honored if a sheep emptied his bladder upon you!”

“And you would be honored to be that bladder!”

As one, they both rolled up their sleeves, preparatory to hurling curses.

Without thinking, I stepped between them. Had I thought about it, I’m sure I would have been moving in the “ opposite direction. “Now stop this, you two — do you want to devastate another village?”

“If it will remove this fungus eater from my eyesight, it will be worth it.”

“A toad like you should be honored to live in my drop-pings.”

“And where will you go?” I answered. “You’d both do better to wait until the waters recede before you destroy the island.”

They hesitated. Before they could work up their fury again, I added, “Besides, you both swore oaths of fealty and truce. There will be no feuds and no duels. I will mediate all disagreements — now what is the problem?”

Both spoke at once — like children, they were: This clotsucking dung beetle doesn’t know how to do the simplest of —”

“Stop it! Now stop it!” I turned to Orbur, “Do you under-stand the conflict?”

He nodded, They’re both fatheads.”

Both magicians turned on him, spells at the ready, but Orbur didn’t blanch. He said, “Wilville and I understand what it is that Purple wants. If he’ll shut up long enough for us to do the work, we can begin building the framework for it. But not if we have to keep stopping to explain it to Shoogar, and not if we have to keep stopping to look at Purple’s drawings.”

“But these are blue-drawings,” insisted Purple. “You need them in order to build the flying machine.”

“Fine,” said Wilville. “Draw them when we finish. Then you’ll have the machine as a model to draw them from.”

“But — but that’s not the way you’re supposed to do it,” Purple wailed. These are blue-drawings.”

I looked at the animal skin. The lines were black on a brown background. Even with his seeing pieces, Purple’s eyesight was none too good. “I don’t see that the color of them is that important,” I said.

“But it is — you’re supposed to have blue-drawings before you build the machine.”

“It’s part of the spell, then?” I asked. Shoogar looked up.

“Yes, I guess you could say that.”

“Well, then why didn’t you say so?” Shoogar said.

“I — I don’t know.”

I looked at them both. “Then it is only a misunderstanding, isn’t it?”

“I guess so,” said Purple, still looking confused. Shoogar nodded.

“Fine. Then this is what we will do. Wilville and Orbur will start building the framework of the machine and Purple will do the blue-drawings. Shoogar will — well, he’ll do something, I’m sure. And I will stay here and help you organize.”

They all looked at me. “You? Organize?”

“You will need somebody to help round up labor for you, and materials.”

They saw the wisdom of the point and nodded.

“Besides,” I added, “someone like me will always be needed to mediate your differences. Now, Wilville, you and Orbur can start building the framework or whatever it is over there and —”

“No, Father. We were thinking of building it up on Idiot’s Crag.”

“Appropriately named. Why there? You would have to carry all your materials up.”

“But it is a high place, a good place to launch a flying machine. And the sea will not rise that high. We can continue to build through Wading Season, if need be.”

“H’m. A good suggestion. Then you and Orbur can start building the framework up on Idiot’s Crag and Purple will stay here and draw his blue-drawings. And Shoogar will uh — Shoogar will cast a rune of good luck.”

Shoogar didn’t look any too pleased with his duties, neither did Purple. They both started to object, but I wouldn’t hear any of it. I insisted that Wilville and Orbur get to work assembling their tools up on Idiot’s Crag.

“Now then,” I said to Purple, “if I am to organize this project, I will need to know what I am organizing. What other materials will we need?”

Purple said, “What we are building is a giant boat, one which will be at least five manlengths long, maybe six. We’ll attach —”

“Wait, wait. A boat? I thought you intended to fly.”

“Yes, that was what I thought too. I would have used a basket, but if I have to come down on water at all, I would rather be in a boat than in a basket.”

“That makes sense,” I said. Even Shoogar nodded. “Now how will your boat fly?”

“We will make huge bags in which we will trap air that is lighter than air. We will attach them to the boat — they will lift it and the boat will float through the sky.”

Shoogar looked up at this. “Air which is lighter than air? Is that like the bubbles of noxious odor that rise from the swamps?”

“You have tried to use swamp gas to make a flying ma-chine?”

Shoogar nodded eagerly.

That’s more intelligent than anything I would have expected of you, Shoogar. You are more advanced than I thought — that is just what we are going to do. In principle, that is — we will not be getting our gas from a swamp.”

“Gas?” asked Shoogar. “You use a word —”

“Yes, gas,” said Purple, waving his hands excitedly. “Air is many gases mixed together. The gas we will use will come from water. Now, do you see this?” Purple pointed to a circle on his animal skin. “This is a big bag. We will fill —”

“That is not a big bag!” Shoogar screamed suddenly. That is a blue-drawing!”

At that, I took Purple aside and explained to him that he’d better not try to use his blue-drawings to explain any-thing to Shoogar. Shoogar did not like blue-drawing spells because he did not understand them.

Purple shrugged and turned back to Shoogar, “Uh, forget the blue-drawings, Shoogar. You are right, this is not a big bag, this is a blue-drawing. But we will use big bags to lift the boat. We will fill them with my lighter-than-air gas.” He turned to me. “We will need several things. We will need a boat shell. These people here do not know how to build boats as big as you did up north, and Wilville and Orbur know much about working with wood. They can teach the local boatsmith a thing or two. We will also need cloth, fine cloth, out of which we will tailor the bags. Fortunately, the weaving here is among the finest in the region. Thirdly, we will need gas to fill the bags. I can supply that”

Then all is settled,” I said. “We can easily build the flying machine.”

“Wrong,” said Purple; “unfortunately, Wilville and Orbur have so far been unable to find the proper materials for a boat frame.”

“Huh? I thought you just said —”

“They know only how to build boats out of heavy wood,” said Purple, “and this boat must be light as well as strong. It must be made out of the lightest wood possible. Secondly, the quality of the cloth here is still unusable for the gasbags. It is too coarse. We are going to have to teach these people how to weave finer material.”

“And what about the gas?” asked Shoogar. “Is there some reason why we can’t get that either?”

Purple shook his head, “No, it should be an easy matter to separate the water. I can use my battery, or Trone the Coppersmith can build me a spark-wheel.”

“Separate the water? Battery? Spark-wheel?”

“Water is two gases. We will separate them and use one in the gasbags.”

Shoogar shook his head at this, but if it worked, it worked.

Apparently Purple knew what he was talking about. The rest of us would have to wait and see. I delegated Shoogar the task of obtaining samples of cloth from the various weavers in the region. He protested at first, but I took him aside and impressed upon him the importance of having the right kind of spell materials. He protested until I pointed out that he could take advantage of the fact by acquainting himself with the local spells in the process. He nodded agreeably and left.