The Doll in the Garden

Chapter 12

Anna Maria Is Lost

I STAYED IN my room reading until Mom called me for dinner.

"Not The Hobbit again," she said when I sat down at the table with my book. "This must be the fourth time you've read that."

"I like it," I told her without looking up from the page. Couldn't she tell I was angry with her?

For a few minutes the only sound was the clink of forks against our plates. Then Mom said, "Miss Cooper didn't even thank me for returning the doll. She just snatched it and shut the door in my face."

"What did you expect?" I asked, still not looking at her.

"I know you wanted to keep the doll, Ashley," Mom said, "but surely you're mature enough to realize I had to give it to Miss Cooper."

Instead of looking at Mom, I turned a page, but a big tear plopped down on it, making the words blur. I sniffed and watched the tear flatten out and slowly sink into the paper. Bilbo had just left the Shire to go on his journey with the dwarves, and I wanted to read about his adventures, not talk about Anna Maria.

"This whole business is very strange," Mom said. "I have a feeling you're keeping something from me." She leaned across the table and gently pulled my book away. "Please talk to me."

Again I felt the hated tears rise up and film my eves. Ignoring the hand Mom laid on mine, I shook my head. There was so much I wanted to tell her, I just didn't know where to begin.

"You've been so brave since Daddy died," Mom continued, "almost too brave. But you're not happy, not the way you were before."

"You're not happy either," I said. "You cry at night - I hear you - and you never laugh."

There was a long silence. The kitchen was slowly darkening and the things around us were losing their outlines and color. It was the time of day I always felt saddest, the gray time when nothing seemed real or solid.

I looked at Mom and she looked at me. Daddy was gone, gone forever from our world, but was there another world where he, like Louisa, still lived his life and made Mom and me laugh at his jokes and stories?

If only Snowball could take me to Daddy, I thought, back to the days before he got sick. But he was Louisa's cat, not Daddy's, and he could only take me to her.

The touch of Mom's hand on my shoulder brought me back to the present, to the table and my uneaten dinner. Even though I couldn't tell her why I was crying, she did her best to comfort me.

***

Long after I went to bed, I lay awake worrying about Louisa. She was counting on me to bring back her doll. Suppose something happened to her before I got Anna Maria away from Miss Cooper? She'd told me she would die before autumn, but I couldn't believe she really would. She was just a little girl. Surely she'd get better.

But I'd thought Daddy would get better, too, and he hadn't. I scowled at the photograph of him I kept on my dresser. In the moonlight, I could see the smile on his face. Turning my head, I tried not to let the terrible anger I felt overwhelm me. It wasn't his fault he died, I told myself. He hadn't done it on purpose; but sometimes I wanted to throw his picture against the wall and scream at him. He'd deserted Mom and me, he'd left us all alone and sad. He'd ruined everything.

When I fell asleep at last, I dreamed about Daddy. He was standing in the yard of our old house in Baltimore. The sun was shining on the grass, and he was tan and healthy and he was laughing.

"Daddy, Daddy," I cried, running toward him. "I thought you were, I thought..." But I couldn't finish the sentence, couldn't tell him I thought he was dead.

He hugged me and laughed louder. Then he opened his shirt and showed me his chest. The scar from his operation was gone, his skin was smooth. "You see, Ash? I'm fine. Tell Mommy not to worry. Everything is going to be all right."

I woke up then, and the sunlit lawn was gone and Daddy was gone, and I was lying in the dark in a strange house far from Baltimore, a house Daddy had never seen. And outside in the night Louisa was crying, and there was nothing I could do to comfort her.