The Darkest Secret

CHAPTER NINETEEN

THOUGH TWO DAYS OF WALKING and monotony had passed since they’d left their cave, and all Amun had been able to do was think and guard Haidee the few times he’d allowed her to stop and rest, he hadn’t come to grips with what he’d once done to her. Or what had driven her to hate him and his friends, hate that led her to aid in Baden’s destruction. No matter how good Amun’s intentions had been, he’d still flung her right into an attacker’s blade.

Gods. The blood pouring from her…the agony in her expression…

His friends only remembered bits and pieces of their time in ancient Greece. They knew they’d burned, pillaged and destroyed, but not specifics. Like who and what. Amun, however, recalled every detail. Or rather, Secrets wouldn’t allow him to forget. Mysteries of that nature weren’t ever allowed to remain unsolved, even within himself.

Very clearly Amun remembered the rage he’d felt as he had followed the Hunters to the nobleman’s home. They’d had a particularly violent battle earlier that morning, before the Hunters had cut their losses and retreated. Having none of that, Amun and the others had followed them. The warriors had been sliced, diced and bleeding, and they’d been determined to annihilate those responsible.

What he hadn’t pieced together then—the information lost in the tangle of everything else—but what he determined now, was that they’d been herded, purposely led into that house. Not by the Hunters, but by the “he” who pulled their strings. Not the robed being Haidee had seen, but the “he” the Hunters had mentioned when they’d spotted the creature. “He” had known a demon would be there. “He” had wanted everyone inside that room to be slaughtered. Even his own people.

Galen, even then? Or the man who had “rescued” little Haidee and taught her to blame the Lords for her parents’ deaths? The Bad Man? Amun might never know, and really, just then, he didn’t care. No one’s actions had been as despicable as his own.

He didn’t deserve the woman behind him, the woman trudging without complaint through cavern after cavern simply to save him. He was responsible for the danger she now found herself in. He might be the cause of her next death.

A death she feared with every ounce of her being. Terror had filled those pearl-gray eyes when she’d spoken of her rebirths. Terror and residual pain, as if even speaking of the events had lanced her with an agony few in the world could even understand. She deserved peace and happiness, a family to cherish her.

Everything she’d ever loved had been taken from her. While his mind had been merged with hers, he’d sensed thousands of hidden memories—the memories she thought had been wiped. They were buried deep, secrets even from herself. His demon had reacted rapturously and now viewed her head as the Holy Grail. Secrets wanted back inside. Amun wanted back on top of her strong little body.

But he wouldn’t touch her again, wouldn’t deepen the already sizzling awareness between them. Because…damn it! He hated this line of thought, but he didn’t allow himself to back away from it. This was part of his penance. He wouldn’t touch her again because he was going to give her back to Micah.

Amun’s fingers tightened around the blade hilts he held in both hands, and red dots flickered through his vision. Haidee wouldn’t come to hate herself for being with Micah, a Hunter. She wouldn’t wallow in guilt she shouldn’t feel. She wouldn’t lose the life she’d managed to build for herself.

With Amun, she would come to hate herself. How could she not? Giving herself to a Lord had to top her list of Things Never To Do. She would wallow in guilt, berating herself for choosing the very evil she’d fought against for so long. And she would lose the life she’d built. No way she could be with him and not cut ties with his enemy.

She must have sensed, or heard, the direction of his thoughts because she sighed, her cool breath wafting down his back. He’d removed his shirt, the heat too much, sweat constantly trickling over his flesh. If Haidee hadn’t been with him, that wonderfully cool breeze wafting from her, enveloping him, he might have actually burst into flames.

“Can we talk now?” she said. “About what happened?”

Amun was willing to do anything she wanted. Except that. If he told her of his guilt, his regret, she would do everything in her power to ease him. No matter what she did, she would only increase his guilt, because she would be acting against her nature. The woman could nurse a grudge as stubbornly as his friends. Except with Amun. Him, she wanted to forgive. Him, she wanted to absolve. Him, she wanted to…love. He’d sensed the need inside her.

Because of the blood bond they shared?

“Amun?”

No.

“So stubborn,” she said, tsking under her tongue. “Fine. Let’s talk about something else, then.”

No.

“Please.”

As strong as he was, he was helpless against that word. Very well. What do you wish to discuss?

“You know some of my secrets, but I don’t know any of yours. Will you tell me something that no one else knows about you?”

Had his friends heard that question, they would have rolled their eyes and snorted, certain Haidee was playing Bait, trying to learn everything she could about him to share with the Hunters. And they would have shaken Amun had they realized he planned to answer anyway. That he actually trusted her.

Her, the only person in the world his demon couldn’t read automatically. Her, the only person in the world who could read him.

Point me in the right direction. What type of secret would you like?

She inhaled sharply, as if she hadn’t expected him to respond. Then she expelled the breath with a torturous slowness that caused the sweat on his back to freeze. Rather than numb him, that ice reminded him of her touch, and his shaft twitched in anticipation.

Perhaps you should increase the distance between us, he said. He wouldn’t turn around, wouldn’t look at her to see how she took his request. Just in case you trip. You don’t want to slam into me, do you?

“If I trip, I need to be closer to you. You’d prevent a face-plant.”

Logical. Damn it. He increased his pace. So did she. A few minutes ticked by in silence. Sometimes he felt as if he was walking in circles, the cave widening, then narrowing, then widening again, leading up, then down, but never actually taking him anywhere. But there was no other direction to take. This was it.

They snaked a corner, and still Haidee remained silent. Tension bloomed as he considered everything she could ask him. Details about his last lover. His plans for her, the future.

You have yet to point me in the right direction, Haidee.

“I’m thinking.” Speaking must have distracted her because she tripped, stumbling right into him, her breasts pressing into his back. She huffed. “See? Saved from a face-plant.”

The stinging arousal that next consumed him made a mockery of the twitching that had come before. He wanted her to reach around and wrap her fingers around his erection. Stroke him up and down. Perhaps step in front of him, drop to her knees and suck him deep.

Of course, she straightened, ending the contact but not the fantasy.

A moan nearly escaped him. Don’t think like that, he commanded himself.

“Like what?” she asked, confused.

Gods, he had to be more careful. Sorry. The command was for myself.

“Why? What were you thinking about?”

No way he’d tell her. No damn way. What secret would you like from me?

A moment passed before she said, “That. I want to know what you were thinking about.”

Should have expected that. He could have refused her, but he didn’t. She had requested, he had agreed, and he would do as promised. Still. He couldn’t speak about what he’d been imagining without begging her to truly do it. I’ll have to show you. If he could.

“Okay.”

When he had lived in the heavens, a minor goddess had performed the act on him, once, only once, and he had loved every moment of it. Sadly, no one had ever done it since. Maybe because he’d never been able to ask for it, and when he’d tried to angle his few lovers into that position, they had resisted. He was big, so he’d understood their reservations and hadn’t pressed.

So, before Haidee, the time with the goddess had been the best sexual experience of his life. Just thinking about Haidee sucking his shaft, however, was even better than that.

“I’m waiting,” Haidee sang.

And she had called him stubborn. Very well, sweetheart. Just remember, you asked for this. He pushed the vision out of his mind and into hers, praying it worked.

It worked. She gave another sharp intake of breath, this one shaky around the edges. “Amun,” she said on a moan.

A moan of need?

Even as they continued to march forward, her hands slid up his back, then around his sides…playing with his nipples… Her breasts once again smashed into him, but this time her fingers traced a path down…down… Holy hell. She would do it, he thought, awed and guilty and so aroused his hunger and need were probably seeping from his skin. She would give him what he wanted, without any hesitation. Right here, right now.

He would have to stop her, couldn’t let her—she rubbed his cock through his pants, and his lips parted on a silent groan. He couldn’t stop her, would let her—

“I’ve thought about this, too,” she said huskily.

He licked his lips. You have?

“Oh, yes. You are a beautiful man, and just looking at you arouses me. You’re all I think about anymore. All I crave.”

Oh, gods. He was going to spill. She’d done nothing but stroke him, and he was going to spill. Haidee, I—

One moment they were surrounded by the rocky walls of the cave, hearing the drip, drip of water, the harsh rasp of their breathing, and the next they were encompassed by absolute darkness and utter silence, by sensory deprivation.

“Amun?” Her voice was shaky and soft, but there. Thank the gods, he could still hear her voice. “What just happened?”

They’d entered the Realm of Shadows, he realized, dread joining ranks with his lingering desire. Finally. Progress. Damn the timing, though.

Amun stopped abruptly. Haidee stumbled into him, but his body absorbed the impact. So good, even then. More than hearing her, he could feel her. They weren’t so deprived, after all. He reached back to steady her, careful not to let his blade touch her.

“What’s going on?” she whispered.

He moved his grip to her wrist and drew her hand to his mouth, pressing a quick kiss into the wild flutter of her pulse. Do you remember what the scroll said?

The scroll from the backpack. She’d asked for instructions on how to successfully navigate the next realm, and the backpack had provided them. Only, the instructions had been convoluted and asinine.

~You must see~

See through the shadows? Sure. His pleasure. He’d taken the scroll from her as he’d wondered how. A flashlight? Shockingly, the moment the question had formed in his mind, ink had begun dripping over the paper, new words forming.

~All of you~

Another convoluted answer. Still. He’d demanded the backpack provide him with a light source that would push through the darkness, but nothing had filled the pack. Which had to mean a flashlight wouldn’t work. Which also had to mean the pack could not provide “all of you.” And that had to mean he already had “all of you,” whatever it was, because the pack was here to help them and wouldn’t leave them in the lurch.

He’d then returned his attention to the scroll and demanded to know what awaited them in the shadows if they failed to find the mysterious, all of you light. Once again, ink had dripped down the tattered, yellow page.

~Death~

Then he’d demanded to know what “all of you” meant.

~All of you~

Funny. All of him—his body, perhaps?

“We must see. We must use all of you, or us,” Haidee said, words trembling from her and bringing him back to the present. “I still don’t know what that means.”

Him either, but he didn’t tell her that. Keep your fingers hooked on my belt loop. Whatever happens, we can’t be separated.

“All—all right.”

When she complied, removing her free hand from his still burning erection, he released her other one and gingerly started forward. He kept his arms outstretched, hoping to feel his way.

Soon he noticed that as quickly as the darkness had arrived, it was dissipating in spots, leaving little pockets of light. Would have been wonderful, except shadows danced around the light—and those shadows had fangs.

Something sharp sliced into his arm, and he mentally cursed. He shoved Haidee into one of those golden beams, but the beam moved several inches away, returning her to the dark. Something else sliced into his arm. The fangs, he was sure. They must have gotten Haidee, too, because she stiffened, moaned.

Damn this!

What should I do? he demanded of his demon, abandoning thoughts about “all of you.” They’d gotten him nowhere. As Strider would say, the backpack and scroll could suck it.

At first, Secrets remained silent, still. Sleeping? Now? Or was Amun’s other half still beaten to the back of his mind with the others? But the demon must have been searching for answers because suddenly Amun knew to follow the light. The shadows weren’t allowed to touch—or bite—anything in the center of those glowing pools.

He watched the macabre dance of light and dark for a moment, enduring several more nibbles, until Secrets locked on a pattern.

Move with me, Haidee. Now! Amun leapt forward, straight into the center of one of those beams. Haidee remained directly behind him. One second, two, he waited. Again!

They leapt once more, following the light to its next destination. On and on they continued, jumping, pausing, jumping again. For hours. He knew Haidee was tiring, could feel the tremble in her slight form.

You’re doing great, sweetheart, he praised her.

Before she could reply, a thick, cloying darkness once again enveloped them. No longer were there any pockets of light. No more fangs, either. Thank the gods. He stilled, Haidee pressing into his back. They could rest for a moment, decide what to do.

Secrets prowled through his mind, agitated, and suddenly Amun knew. More shadow-dwellers were coming. Close…closer…

Be ready, he told Haidee.

“For?”

Something worse. He didn’t yet know what a shadow-dweller was, but he knew that much. At least with the total cessation of sight his other senses kicked into hyperdrive. His ears picked up the whistling sound of wind. Or was he hearing…screams? His nose scented sulfur, and his mouth tasted copper. His palms tingled, sensing a spike of aggression in the air.

Demons, he said. Shadow-dwellers were demons. Minions, like the ones he’d absorbed. They approached, and dread detonated inside him. Would he absorb them?

Haidee first, his sanity second, he decided, switching direction. Rather than moving forward, he inched to the side until he encountered the solid length of the wall. He placed himself in front of her, offering what shelter he could.

“What are you doing?”

He wouldn’t lie to her. She needed to know the danger they were in. I told you. Demons approach. I won’t let them reach you.

“I can help you fight,” she replied, far from scared.

I won’t risk you.

A growl of menace sounded beside him, followed by another. And another. Haidee stiffened. So did he. A jumble of thoughts suddenly slammed into his head, each revolving around the taste of his organs. The demons had spotted him, were utterly starved and looked forward to eating every part of him.

And then, suddenly, they were there, attacking from every angle. Amun swiped out with his arms and knew he’d made contact with several of the creatures. Maybe he’d delivered killing blows, maybe not, but it didn’t matter how many he felled. There were so many, they converged on him en masse.

He threw off as many as he could, continually slashing, kicking his legs to dislodge those who were chewing through his pants. Like the shadows, they had fangs. Only theirs were a lot sharper. And they had claws, such diamond-hard claws. But at least their evil remained with them, rather than being sucked into him, becoming a part of him.

Despite the rapid movement of his arms, several managed to attach themselves to his biceps. He felt what seemed to be a thousand prickly stings, not just in his biceps, but all over his body.

Warm blood leaked from him, and the scent of it tossed the creatures into a feeding frenzy. They snapped, growled and ripped out hunks of muscle. That quickly, he was losing the battle, weakening, and shit! He didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know where to find the light, or even how to use all of himself. Unless “all” meant offering his entire body up as a smorgasbord.

When Haidee screamed, the creatures working their way behind him to take little nibbles out of her, he stopped caring about the light and concentrated on killing—however necessary. No one hurt his woman. No one. And those who tried would suffer.

As rage suffused him, totally, completely, Amun bit back, clamping as many of the creatures as possible between his teeth and shaking like a shark that had finally snatched its prey. They were small, he realized, and easily breakable, those he held quickly going limp. He spit them out and snapped for more.

Secrets continued to prowl through his head like a caged lion, wanting to hurt, to destroy, and wipe all conscious thought from the primitive minds around them. Amun held tight to his other half, afraid the beast would hurt Haidee in the process. But when she released another scream, this one slightly weaker than the other, proving she was losing blood and deteriorating, Amun’s guard dropped. The agitated demon roared, wrenching control from him and overtaking Amun completely. No longer were they man and beast. They were simply beast.

Some of those minds were indeed wiped, thoughts and hungers slinking into Amun. Absorbed, as he’d feared. His mouth watered as he imagined tasting blood. Drinking…drowning in the flooding life-force…

The images and urges didn’t last long. They quickly joined the muted chorus in the back of his consciousness.

More, he needed more. As his demon’s hold on him strengthened, red flicked to life in his eyes, glowing, lighting up the cavern and illuminating hundreds of tiny, piranha-like creatures. They had white, hairless skin and pink-tinted gazes that looked as if they’d never glimpsed a single ray of light.

When they encountered the wash of red, they shrank back with a shriek, trying to escape it. Why would—

All of him, he thought then, understanding. All of himself, and all of his demon. So simple, so easy. He was ashamed he hadn’t realized it sooner and saved Haidee from her newest injuries.

Another sin to place at his door.

Secrets continued to roar, out loud this time, frightening the creatures into backing farther away, and with the sound, Amun began to talk, unable to halt the words. Only he didn’t reveal devastating truths and vile crimes, the things that had constantly swirled inside his head until Haidee entered his life. He spoke of something sweet and tender.

“I have to tell you something, sweet child.” Ancient Greek, a language he’d only recently heard when inside Haidee’s mind.

“Mother?” she said now, awed and confused by what she was hearing from him.

Any time the demon spoke through him, revealing something, the voices of those involved were used, rather than his own. So what Haidee heard was indeed her mother.

“Listen well, for we will never speak of this again. You are special, my child. So special.”

There was a pause, his voice slipping into a softer, childlike timbre. “I don’t understand.”

Another pause, the return of the huskier voice. “For years, I could not conceive, and so I prayed and prayed, beseeching the gods to bless my barren body with fruit. And one night, a being appeared to me in my dreams. She told me I had only to promise to relinquish rights to my firstborn, and I would have many children. I agreed. It was the hardest decision I’d ever had to make, but I was so desperate, I agreed, and nine months later you were born.”

Another pause, that switch of voices. “Me?”

Yet another pause, yet another switch. “Oh, yes, sweet darling. And soon after, your sister was born. And now, another babe grows in my belly.”

Pause. “I shall be a sister again?”

Pause. “Yes. But, darling, listen to Màna. The being has returned. She wants to take you from us.”

Pause. “I don’t want to leave you.”

Pause. “And we don’t want you to leave us. Therefore, you will not. We will pack our belongings and flee from this place. I don’t tell you this to frighten you, only to warn you. If ever someone approaches you, intending to take you away from us, run, my darling, run. Run and hide, and we will find you.”

The voices continued, the mother easing the child with teasing stories and tickles, until both were laughing. The father and sister soon joined them, and their love for each other echoed in every word.

Real-life Haidee wrapped a trembling arm around Amun’s waist. Distantly, he thought she might have taken one of his weapons from him, might have been slashing with her free hand to discourage the creatures from approaching his side, where the red light didn’t reach, but he wasn’t sure.

“Come on, baby,” she urged between one of his pauses. “Keep your eyes on those little bastards, and I’ll get us out of here, okay?”

He couldn’t reply, could only weave the rest of the tale, the family spending what would be their last night together. Haidee never ceased dragging him away from the hungry fiends until finally, the shadows gave way and another cave surrounded them. This one was well-lit.

She eased him to the ground as gently as she could, and he lay there, still talking, unable to do anything else. His mind was consumed by his demon, by the images forming, but soon the memory took a darker turn, the murders clearly imminent.

Amun didn’t want to go there, didn’t want Haidee to hear their screams, their pleas for mercy. Somehow, someway, he managed to fight his way to the surface and peer up at her. The worst was yet to come, yet she was already staring down at him with horror. Horror she’d never before directed at him.

“Knock…me…out…” he managed between pauses. “Please.”

“No.”

“Please.”

She gulped, trembled as she reached down and clasped one of his blades. But when she straightened, she made no move toward him. “I—I can’t, Amun. I just can’t.”

“Please. Must. No other…way.” His eyes beseeched her, the memory trying to jerk him back down, escape him. Any second now, and the screams and pleas were going to burst from his mouth. “Please.”

“I—I—I’m sorry.” Something hard suddenly crashed into his temple.

But he was still awake, still talking. “Again.”

Once more, twice more, she hit him with the hilt of the blade. “So sorry.” A third time. Harder and harder.

Good girl. He smiled as darkness consumed him, at last quieting his demon.